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11 Apr 07 - 06:11 PM (#2022622) Subject: BS: Sex with guitars From: GUEST,Basil Maketime I have not found it very satisfactory, despite all the hype. For one thing, I keep getting caught in the strings, and that can hurt! Specially on a steel string guitar. Dreadnoughts are particularly uncomfortable and Jumbos are simply not worth the trouble in my opinion. Parlor guitars are a step in the right direction, but still darned tricky to deal with. Cutaways allow for a little more ease when assuming "the position", but tend to throw the back out of alignment, and that can lead to posture problems and chiropractic bills. Electrics are cold, unfeeling, and damned dangerous too! I don't even go near them anymore. Can anyone offer any useful tips? |
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11 Apr 07 - 06:12 PM (#2022624) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: GUEST,Ding dong I could, but it wouldn't be polite. |
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11 Apr 07 - 06:32 PM (#2022635) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: skipy a snooker cue tip? Skipy |
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11 Apr 07 - 06:36 PM (#2022641) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Amos It's not like we'd believe you if you denied the holes are just too big, mate. Give it over. A |
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11 Apr 07 - 06:42 PM (#2022644) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Liz the Squeak Sounds like he's really a banjo player... LTS |
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11 Apr 07 - 06:47 PM (#2022650) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: artbrooks Shaky egg, Liz. |
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11 Apr 07 - 06:58 PM (#2022659) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Liz the Squeak LOL ARt!! |
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11 Apr 07 - 09:11 PM (#2022758) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Bobert How would I know??? I did ***not*** have sex with that guitar... |
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11 Apr 07 - 09:43 PM (#2022782) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: JohnInKansas One would surmise that anyone who can fit it between the strings would be better suited to making love to a penny whistle - perhaps a high "G." (or is there a smaller one?) Don't forget to take a "Q-Tip" (one should be sufficient) to make things tidy after. John |
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11 Apr 07 - 09:48 PM (#2022785) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Little Hawk I hear that the trombone can be very stimulating. But if you want to stick with string instruments, how about the ukelele? |
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11 Apr 07 - 10:34 PM (#2022819) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: robomatic maybe you're really a fiddler |
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12 Apr 07 - 12:45 AM (#2022867) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Bee-dubya-ell I've never had sex with a guitar, but my wife must think I have. Every time I bring a new guitar home she asks, "What? Another fucking guitar?" |
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12 Apr 07 - 01:52 AM (#2022895) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: catspaw49 Of course it's possible......Ever watch Neil Young playing electric? Is there any doubt he's fucking that Les Paul? Spaw |
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12 Apr 07 - 03:46 AM (#2022915) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: John MacKenzie Keep them in separate cages, look what happened when a Martin and a Gibson got too intimate, their bastard offspring was a cause of great strife. G. |
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12 Apr 07 - 04:53 AM (#2022945) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Georgiansilver Guest Basil Maketime....try a high 'G' whistle...sounds more like your size! |
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12 Apr 07 - 06:17 AM (#2022972) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: C-flat Can I suggest using a guitar with an "f" hole? Also try loosening the G string and applying a little lubrication to the nut!! |
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12 Apr 07 - 08:19 AM (#2023030) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Big Al Whittle alternatively some perverts prefer a handbag. So I'm told. |
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12 Apr 07 - 08:22 AM (#2023036) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: John MacKenzie A HANDBAG !!! Giok Thank you Oscar. |
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12 Apr 07 - 08:42 AM (#2023045) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Rapparee Ask yourself, "Do I really want sex with this guitar for itself or am I only attracted by the case or the shiny finish? Would I still want it if it had a broken string or the bridge was knocked askew?" I think you'll find it much more enjoyable if you are not simply looking for a quick sus. |
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12 Apr 07 - 08:44 AM (#2023051) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: John MacKenzie Will you still respect it in the morning? |
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12 Apr 07 - 09:37 AM (#2023098) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Georgiansilver If it at least had a name like Laura or Sally or Linda...but Martin!!! No way! |
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12 Apr 07 - 11:04 AM (#2023205) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: C-flat Potential for new marketing? "THE FENDER SHAGCASTER" ? "GIBSON LES PORN"? Think what you could with a double-cutaway or twin-neck? Got to go now........... |
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12 Apr 07 - 11:06 AM (#2023207) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Little Hawk How about a "standing Ovation"? |
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12 Apr 07 - 11:16 AM (#2023214) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: John MacKenzie An Elizabeth Taylor? |
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12 Apr 07 - 11:17 AM (#2023216) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: John MacKenzie Aria Callous |
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12 Apr 07 - 11:21 AM (#2023218) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Little Hawk You can get callouses if you overdo it.... |
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12 Apr 07 - 11:30 AM (#2023226) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Bill D You SURE you have made the right choice? |
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12 Apr 07 - 11:37 AM (#2023230) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Bill D But if you must..I have this rare adapting inlay for a Martin I can sell you. Price negotiable. |
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12 Apr 07 - 11:59 AM (#2023245) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Rapparee The National Institutions of Health reported in a report reported on June 3, 2004, that sex with guitars is one of the leading causes of premature failure. Dr. Ivan Gnoodsen said, "Pickups should be avoided and people should stick to acoustic models. There's nothing like a nice, slim, nubile...excuse me, be right back." His assistant confirmed that pickups have even been responsible for the deaths of an average of 22.7 unprotected sexual partners, know in medical jargon as "stiffs." When he returned, Dr. Gnoodsen also warned against the use of picks: "Nothing will punch a hole in your Fender or Martin quicken that a well-placed blow from a pick," he said. "A pick will do as much damage to a guitar as it will to compacted soil: a lot. This is especially hard on anyone having sex with a guitar when someone else hits it with a pick." |
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12 Apr 07 - 12:54 PM (#2023287) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Little Hawk Well, this thread has just turned up a wealth of valuable information, hasn't it? |
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12 Apr 07 - 01:01 PM (#2023294) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Liz the Squeak Sort of makes you wonder what people do all day.... Or not... LTS |
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12 Apr 07 - 02:46 PM (#2023417) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: GUEST Had a friend who played with Stella. Oops! Sorry - Should be 'a Stella' :-) |
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12 Apr 07 - 02:49 PM (#2023420) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: GUEST I remember one night he dropped it & in the heat of the moment said "I've fucked it". So I guess that was a confession he'll regret. |
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12 Apr 07 - 03:00 PM (#2023432) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: John MacKenzie Open G |
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12 Apr 07 - 03:00 PM (#2023433) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: English Jon http://www.cuntz-guitars.de/en/ I'm sorry. Jon |
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12 Apr 07 - 03:09 PM (#2023437) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Big Al Whittle Way back I seem to remember a Bill Caddick song, I'm in love with a Gibson Girl. I guess that must have been like half woman /half guitar. Revenge of the Guitar Women, Guitar Women from Mars......... |
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12 Apr 07 - 03:30 PM (#2023458) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: John MacKenzie Gibson Girls Giok |
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12 Apr 07 - 03:30 PM (#2023459) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: beardedbruce Gibson Girl |
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13 Apr 07 - 03:26 AM (#2023886) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: C-flat Adds another meaning to the expression Pick-up line!!! |
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13 Apr 07 - 09:12 AM (#2024126) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Rapparee Another, seldom discussed, danger of sex with guitars is what is crudely called "splinters." These can lead to other infections and even to gangrene and subsequent amputation. Ask yourself, "She's beautiful, she's sexy, but is it worth it? To jeopardize my future for a momentary fling? To throw away my innocence on a few minutes of pleasure, risking everything I've ever hoped for? And how many others have there been, since I got her used?" This message has been brought to you by the "Just Say No Way, Jose" Campaign To Enlighten The World's Youth About The Dangers Of Guitars. |
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13 Apr 07 - 09:15 AM (#2024127) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: beardedbruce CTETWYATDOG? |
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13 Apr 07 - 09:19 AM (#2024132) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Rapparee No, "JSNWJ"CTETWYATDOG. What you said is a very, very insulting and obscene thing to say in Banff, a language only spoken by a very few people residing in Alberta and which is fortunately nearly extinct. |
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13 Apr 07 - 03:41 PM (#2024464) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Herga Kitty I liked the instruction on the Gibson Girls link that said "Click to enlarge"! Thanks Giok. Kitty |
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13 Apr 07 - 03:49 PM (#2024480) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Little Hawk Another thing you must never do in Banff is say "Bamff" when you mean "Banff". And never use two "n"s, Rapaire! It's two "f"s in Banff! The only Canadian city with a cooler name than Banff is Guelph. They both sound like the cry of some strange exotic wild animal, but "Guelph!" is much more guttural. Try substituting either one of them in the song "I Left My Heart in San Francisco"....actually, try it in any song about a famous city... |
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13 Apr 07 - 03:58 PM (#2024497) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Bill D I left my elf in Guelph?....nawwwww... |
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13 Apr 07 - 04:25 PM (#2024534) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Little Hawk I left my virginity in Cincinnati? |
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13 Apr 07 - 04:32 PM (#2024546) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: terrier There's many a good tune played on an old fiddle There's many a whore played an old guitore.... Some people will do anything for a rhyme |
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13 Apr 07 - 04:33 PM (#2024547) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: John MacKenzie I do like a well plucked guitar |
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13 Apr 07 - 04:46 PM (#2024564) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: terrier .....and now for a verse of the Pheasent Pluckers Song.... |
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13 Apr 07 - 07:29 PM (#2024704) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Georgiansilver My guitar it has four lovely strings, On which I like to play. This fourplay is the start of things, At the end of every day. I take it up to my room with me, Each and every night. To pluck upon its sweet 'G' string, Can bring me great delight. My guitar is company each night, It never causes strife. It makes its sounds just when I want, Not like a nagging wife. |
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13 Apr 07 - 11:08 PM (#2024779) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Little Hawk Oh, my. Bravo, good sir, bravo! |
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14 Apr 07 - 03:33 PM (#2025356) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Slag f holes all! What a lute discussion! I'm faithful to my old Stratocaster. An electric guitar is no problem. You just have to be plugged in and turned on to hear the music. Get down on the neck and you'll be hearing those high notes in a fevered pitch! |
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14 Apr 07 - 04:13 PM (#2025385) Subject: RE: BS: Sex with guitars From: Rapparee So you're into necking, huh? Probably into capos, too, you prevert! |
