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11 Apr 07 - 10:03 PM (#2022797) Subject: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Little Hawk Okay, we all get a lot of spam from people who say they can make your penis MUCH larger...for a price. The implication is that you will then have a lot more fun, greater success attracting women, probably become a major film star soon, maybe win American Idol...and so on... But I'm not sure how that is supposed to work! I mean, look, suppose one of these ads is for real, and it really does give a guy a 12 inch monster....who is going to know? What I mean is, you can't just walk around in public with it on display, after all. You'd get arrested. If you tell people it's huge, they may not believe you. What are you supposed to do? You can't disrobe in the middle of Tim Hortons and prove it! So here you are, as charmless, unattractive, inarticulate, untalented, needy, and emotionally dysfunctional as you ever were when your whanger was teeny tiny...and you're walking around with the whole world completely ignorant of the fact that you're packing the biggest piece of ordnance in the country! Talk about a frustrating situation! This is the part the ads don't tell you. This is what may have happened to Shane. It may account for the behaviour of certain rap stars. It could be responsible for a lot of suicides, that's what I'm thinking. How will they know it's bigger??? |
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11 Apr 07 - 10:09 PM (#2022806) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Sorcha Hawkster, I've been wondering just that for years. Thank you for finally speaking up. Will you tell us what your inches are? Or Shatners? Sadly, I have no inches to brag about. PS--the breast enhancement is the Same Sad Story. Avril told me that, but sadly I didn't beleive her. I am out just sooooo much money, and the same old boobs here. I mean, what can I say when even a Wonder Bra or Victorias Secret doesn't help? I don't even get calls from telemarketers anymore. So sad. |
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11 Apr 07 - 10:21 PM (#2022813) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Little Hawk LOL!!! You expect me to tell you, Sorcha???? Uh-uh. I figure a little mystery always helps. As for Shatner's... Well, it's...it's..... No. There are some things that are just better left unsaid. |
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11 Apr 07 - 10:40 PM (#2022823) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: GUEST,meself "So here you are, as charmless, unattractive, inarticulate, untalented, needy, and emotionally dysfunctional as you ever were ... " No, no, no - you're missing the point. Just knowing you have those extra 11.5", you will become charming, attractive, articulate, talented, independent, and emotionally functional. Women will flock to you, and they won't know why. (I'll PM the order form to you). |
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11 Apr 07 - 10:44 PM (#2022826) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: wysiwyg They will know because the ladies who have seen and felt it will tell the rest of the girls, in the powder room, in one of those secret meetings we don't admit we have.... Now they'll have to kill me! ~Susan |
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11 Apr 07 - 10:45 PM (#2022827) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: wysiwyg PS, not to mention that I'd tell all MY friends in EMAIL! How'd THAT be for a forward??? ~S~ |
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11 Apr 07 - 10:51 PM (#2022829) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Deckman I guess he'll just have to keep a "stiff upper lip!" bad bad bob |
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11 Apr 07 - 11:02 PM (#2022832) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Rapparee So, here's a little math: Say your enhancement (male) works and you end up with one that's 12 inches long and, oh, let's say four inches in diameter. Okay: the volume of a cylinder = height (or in this case, length) x pi(radius^2). So your enhancement would hold: 12 x 3.14... x 4, or 150.72 cubic inches of blood. Well, it's not all blood, so let's just say half of it, or 75.36 cu. in. of blood. That's about 1.3 QUARTS (U.S. liquid measure) of blood. An adult male has about 5 quarts of blood in their body. If you got an erection you might well pass out from lack of blood to the brain. Of course, just buying the product would demonstrate a lack in the brain.... |
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11 Apr 07 - 11:46 PM (#2022848) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Little Hawk Exactly, Rapaire! Those most likely to buy the product would also be those most at risk of passing out when they get aroused. This is another thing they don't tell their prospective customers. meself - OH! Now I get it. My gosh, what a super sales pitch! Could this be the secret to what put Snoop Dog on the charts? |
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12 Apr 07 - 12:36 AM (#2022864) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Bee-dubya-ell Speaking of guys with foot-long schlongs, have you ever noticed how much Shane McBride looks like the late porn stud John Holmes? |
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12 Apr 07 - 12:39 AM (#2022865) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Mickey191 Heard a Dr. on Oprah's Show say that an obese man who loses his extra weight, will increase his penis by an inch or two. More--if he's terribly obese. |
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12 Apr 07 - 05:23 AM (#2022955) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: GUEST,anonymous to avoid embarassing him I used to have a boyfriend who was very large - it was extremely uncomfortable. If he had passed out it would have been a bonus. |
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12 Apr 07 - 05:43 AM (#2022963) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Georgiansilver All this talk of penis enlargement and breast enhancement and all the money that is being spent on these things...surely the money would be better spent on something like Altzheimers research...... In 2040 there will be a lot of very old men and women around with very large penises and breasts........but they might well have forgotten what they are for! |
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12 Apr 07 - 05:57 AM (#2022966) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Grimmy There are advantages to having a teeny todger. For example - my boss daren't sack me 'cos if he did then HE would have the smallest wanger in the whole organisation. WEY HEY! |
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12 Apr 07 - 07:55 AM (#2023018) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: jacqui.c Women will flock to you, and they won't know why. So THAT's why I am always getting elbowed aside by ladies wanting to get at Kendall! |
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12 Apr 07 - 08:24 AM (#2023038) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: kendall jacqui! go to your room! (I'll be right in) |
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12 Apr 07 - 08:34 AM (#2023040) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Metchosin Why not wear tights like Errol Flynn, Little Hawk? Then all who would care to, would know if you're hung like a beaver or hung like a bear. |
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12 Apr 07 - 08:36 AM (#2023042) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: jacqui.c Men in tights..... Hmmmmm.... |
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12 Apr 07 - 08:37 AM (#2023043) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: GUEST, Topsie Take up cycling. Those lycra shorts let everyone know exactly what you have to offer. |
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12 Apr 07 - 08:43 AM (#2023049) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: John MacKenzie Where's that bit of garden hose gone? |
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12 Apr 07 - 08:55 AM (#2023060) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Rapparee Well, here's an interesting bit. Of course, one can always depend upon some padded clothing as well. |
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12 Apr 07 - 09:08 AM (#2023077) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Grab Come on, of course it'll help you with being a movie star and winning American Idol. After all, they always seem to find the biggest pricks imaginable. Breast enlargement *is* visible through normal clothes. But a bigger sausage in the lunchbox is only going to be visible if you're wearing lycra, and for most of us that would be a way bad idea. It'd put you so off your lunch that the lunchbox contents wouldn't be an issue. Graham. |
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12 Apr 07 - 09:53 AM (#2023119) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: gnu Better off stuffing your wallet with Canadian Tire money. Of course, you could change your name from Little Hawk to Great Horny Owl or some such. At Uni, my nickname was "Banana" because I was a wild and crazy guy - as in, "He could go bananas at any moment." I don't know who coined that nickname, but, I sure owe him a lot of thanks. |
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12 Apr 07 - 10:13 AM (#2023144) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Wesley S I've always heard that the French say "Anything bigger than a mouthful is wasted". I always assumed they were talking about breasts..... |
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12 Apr 07 - 10:26 AM (#2023157) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: GUEST,Ding dong The guy's too small or the girl's too loose No one's perfect but youse The guy's too big or the girl's too tight No one is ever just right Sad statement about humans. |
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12 Apr 07 - 12:49 PM (#2023281) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: 282RA >>You can't disrobe in the middle of Tim Hortons and prove it!<< Now you tell me. |
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12 Apr 07 - 01:22 PM (#2023318) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Bill D How will they know? they'll know |
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12 Apr 07 - 01:25 PM (#2023323) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Bill D and they can choose |
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12 Apr 07 - 01:36 PM (#2023336) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Liz the Squeak The Original and Best...! Number 3. LTS |
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12 Apr 07 - 07:25 PM (#2023657) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: kendall Bill D when did they start giving trophies for average? |
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12 Apr 07 - 07:38 PM (#2023665) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: frogprince An..uhh..friend of mine...took XX his wife to a nudist resort for the first time. After awhile she remarked , "They come in all shapes and sizes, don't they". XXXX he's still not sure if she was referring to people in general, or to something more specific... |
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12 Apr 07 - 08:06 PM (#2023676) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Joybell What I want to know - now that condoms are bought from supermarket shelves is -- whatever happened to the special measuring device they had in chemist shops/drug stores? Back in the 50s. I heard about it when I was 15. Never actually saw one but I heard it for true. It was like those knitting-needle measures only much bigger. On a stand. A big board thing with holes in it. All marked with numbers. They could be marketed now. You could have sports events using them. Parties even. Did you have them in America or was it an Aussie thing? Musing. Cheers, Joy |
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12 Apr 07 - 08:32 PM (#2023688) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Amos I have led a sheltered life!! A |
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12 Apr 07 - 09:35 PM (#2023729) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Rapparee Druggist back home just used the knotholes in the fence out back of the store. Story goes that one night his daughter slipped out and positioned herself on the opposite side of the knotholes as a handsome young man was "measuring up." Young feller came back into the drug store and was asked "What size and how many?" He responded, "I dunno, but I'll take about a hundred yards of that fence." |
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12 Apr 07 - 09:49 PM (#2023737) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Joe_F Joybell: http://www.biorelief.com/images/popup/dm_male_measurement_guide.pdf |
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12 Apr 07 - 10:09 PM (#2023754) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Rapparee You could probably use those pasta measurers, the ones with four or five holes that get bigger and bigger. Just be careful of the rapidly boiling water. |
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12 Apr 07 - 10:35 PM (#2023772) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: GUEST,meself "Better off stuffing your wallet with Canadian Tire money." Did you all get that? I didn't hear you laughing. (Canadian Tire money is a form of discount coupon given at a hardware/building/auto supply store). It reminds me of a photo in National Lampoon once, in an issue dedicated to the subject of - women. The caption was: "The sexy bulge in a man's pants that all women are attracted to" - the photo showed a man's back pocket containing a fat wallet. Yes, I thought it was disgusting too. (Btw: "GUEST,anonymous to avoid embarassing him" - it's okay; I'm not embarrassed. Oh, and - sorry!). |
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13 Apr 07 - 06:42 AM (#2023978) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: gnu Hey, meself.... if just one person got a chuckle, it was worth it. |
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13 Apr 07 - 09:23 AM (#2024137) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Rapparee Young lady from The East went Out West to meet cowboys. When she got back, her friend asked her if she'd managed to "get lucky" with a real cowboy. She said no, and the friend asked why not. Young lady replied, "Have you seen the size of the condoms they carry in their back pockets???" |
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13 Apr 07 - 06:27 PM (#2024667) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Joybell Joe_F My mind is at rest. Why does the X-Large say -- "clear advantage only"? Rapaire -- Pasta measures -- so that's where the pasta people got the idea. Cheers, Joy |
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13 Apr 07 - 09:37 PM (#2024757) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Joe_F Joybell: I presume it is only the Clear Advantage brand that offers that size. N.B. Those are not actually brands of condoms, but of wearable urinals. |
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13 Apr 07 - 09:48 PM (#2024760) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: GUEST,meself I'm starting to realize I've led a sheltered life too - I have no idea what the hell these people are talking about - |
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14 Apr 07 - 12:39 AM (#2024821) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Peace One does wonder at times. |
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14 Apr 07 - 01:48 AM (#2024857) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Liz the Squeak Like I said somewhere.... some people have far too much time on their hands, and far too easy an access to the Internet! LTS |
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14 Apr 07 - 04:05 AM (#2024909) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Slag How will they know? One word. CODPIECE! They had this problem dicked in the Dark Ages, you might say. |
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14 Apr 07 - 04:24 AM (#2024923) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Donuel If you have a huuuge penis in its flaccid state you notice that it does not double or triple or quadruple in length when erect. What you want is a 6 to 8 incher in an erect state even if it is only 2 inches in its flaccid state. Besides, its easier to pack. Once you are up to 12 inches it will get wider when erect but not really longer. In other words if you have a derringer it will become a rifle. But if you have a rifle you will get a shot gun of the same length. ever heard of a shot gun marriage? But then there are the mortars and legenday howitzers... Anything over 20 inches is a waste. |
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14 Apr 07 - 04:26 AM (#2024927) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: GUEST,Ding dong Hey, a new way to judge the worth of men. Next we can judge the worth of women on the tightness of their vaginas. The human race at its best. |
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14 Apr 07 - 08:30 AM (#2025031) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Liz the Squeak Anyone else doing their pelvic floor excercises right now?! LTS |
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14 Apr 07 - 08:39 AM (#2025039) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: GUEST,meself Donuel - you seem to have given this matter some study ... |
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14 Apr 07 - 08:46 AM (#2025042) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Rapparee Look, if you have to go to the doctor all the time becames the tip drags on the group, it's just about the right length. As Abe Lincoln once said when asked how long it should be, "Long enough to reach the ground." |
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14 Apr 07 - 09:00 AM (#2025057) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: GUEST,meself Wasn't he talking about his beard? |
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14 Apr 07 - 03:23 PM (#2025350) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Slag Turgid, Man! TURGID! |
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14 Apr 07 - 03:46 PM (#2025362) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Amos There was a young man from Glenglozle Who found a remarkable fossil He deduced from the bend And the wart on the end 'Twas the peter of Paul, the Apostle |
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14 Apr 07 - 09:26 PM (#2025585) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Donuel meself, Then you should see my vagina art. i HAVE ONE THAT IS ANIMATED. |
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14 Apr 07 - 09:31 PM (#2025589) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Nickhere I heard of a great scam once. This guy advertised a penis enlarging service - basically some kind of pump. The money came rolling in, he didn't bother to send any of the devices out. Complaints came rolling in, people wanted their money back. He sent everyone out a cheque to the value of whatever they'd sent him. Stamped across the front of each cheque was printed 'refund for penis-enlarging pump'!! |
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14 Apr 07 - 09:58 PM (#2025607) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Fergie An ex once told me that men came in three sizes; Small, Medium and Liar. |
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14 Apr 07 - 10:03 PM (#2025612) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: GUEST,meself Donuel: um ... if it's all the same, I think I'll pass ... (I have seen the real thing!) |
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14 Apr 07 - 10:06 PM (#2025613) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Donuel A 28 inch penis is rare but has fewer nerve receptors per sq inch. Comon, how many women here would really want to try a 28 inch penis. It could damage a womans diaphragm... not the contraceptive type but the diaphragm for her lungs. |
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14 Apr 07 - 10:35 PM (#2025629) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: frogprince "the tip drags on the group" ? no thanks... |
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14 Apr 07 - 11:30 PM (#2025659) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Little Hawk AWRIGHT, Amos!!! Best limerick I've heard in a long time. |
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15 Apr 07 - 12:14 AM (#2025684) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Donuel Amos you choked my wife with your limmerick |
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15 Apr 07 - 10:35 AM (#2025929) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Rapparee Okay...28" long x (say a radius of) 6" x 3.14^2 = 1656.4128 cubic inches of blood, divided by 2 (because there's stuff inside a penis besides blood) = 828.8064 cu. in. of blood. That's 14.34 US quarts (or 13.57 liters) of blood to engorge the penis. Since the adult male human body contains only about 5 US quarts of blood (or 4.73 liters), erection couldn't be accomplished without a bunch of friends to help out by pumping in some of their blood. This, of course, assumes that the 28" is attached to a human being.... |
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15 Apr 07 - 12:55 PM (#2026004) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: GUEST,1950s Blood Brother "...a bunch of friends to help out by pumping in some of their blood." Some of us became "blood brothers" with other guys as kids by cutting our fingers and mixing the blood of our minor wounds, but this is stretching that commitment a bit to the extreme. |
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15 Apr 07 - 03:42 PM (#2026113) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Donuel Rapaire you did not use the volume of blood within the blood vessels. Instead you used a bag of solid blood model. There is a mosaic unearthed in an ancient Pompei villa that portrays a man with a 20+ incher that must have been the epitomy of dick jokes in ancient Rome. |
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15 Apr 07 - 04:02 PM (#2026134) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Liz the Squeak Ah, but the Romans are metric, so it should really be 20 centimetres! LTS |
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15 Apr 07 - 05:50 PM (#2026209) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: Rapparee Or 20 micrometers.... |
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15 Apr 07 - 09:46 PM (#2026390) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: JennieG My brothers used to have a rhyme: "Don't let your dingle dongle dangle in the dirt Put it in your pocket where it won't get hurt"! I wasn't going to join this thread (being the well-brought-up lady as what I am) but I couldn't help it. Cheers JennieG |
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15 Apr 07 - 10:30 PM (#2026415) Subject: RE: BS: How will they know it's bigger??? From: GUEST,meself Atta girl! |
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