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19 Jul 07 - 01:24 PM (#2106960) Subject: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo How long did it take from boyfriend to husband.It took me 18 months before i married Miskin man.Now i got a new boyfriend who i am taking each day as it comes. Maybe he will come round the festivals with me you never know!!!!!. Scooby. |
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19 Jul 07 - 01:38 PM (#2106972) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Little Hawk Well, just one observation here. Some relationships that work great while unmarried seem to deteriorate noticeably soon after the marriage papers are signed...although, I'd have to add that that is not always the case. It all depends on the individuals, and how their minds work. I think some people are better off not to marry. It somehow keeps them more motivated or something. |
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19 Jul 07 - 01:48 PM (#2106988) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: gnu Now ya tell me. |
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19 Jul 07 - 01:58 PM (#2107008) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Becca72 I'll let you know if I every get past the "boyfriend" stage. One was 6 1/2 years living together and the other was 3 years living together but no walk down the aisle for me yet. Of course, I was perfectly happy just living together. Well, for most of it, anyway. :-) |
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19 Jul 07 - 02:25 PM (#2107024) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Richard Bridge I was the boyfriend for 25 years!... |
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19 Jul 07 - 02:28 PM (#2107028) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Stilly River Sage Eight years. And as LH observes, divorced after 12. We were better off unmarried to each other. Better friends now after the divorce. SRS |
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19 Jul 07 - 02:28 PM (#2107030) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Stilly River Sage (That means a total of 20, not 12) |
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19 Jul 07 - 02:53 PM (#2107051) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Amos In my case, about three weeks; that was 28 years ago and we are still laughing, and going strong. A |
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19 Jul 07 - 03:04 PM (#2107059) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne I lived with one for 3 years, got married and we split up 8 months later. Anyone we know Yas? Love Lynne |
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19 Jul 07 - 03:11 PM (#2107061) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Rapparee I've been living with the same girlfriend for, well, we'll be starting year 35 this October. |
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19 Jul 07 - 03:22 PM (#2107067) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Little Hawk Amos, you are one of those shining examples that proves marriage can work for some people. Good on you! ;-) |
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19 Jul 07 - 03:26 PM (#2107068) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Becca72 Then there's my sister. She started dating my brother-in-law when she was 15. Married him when she was 20. They celebrate their 25th anniversary next month. |
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19 Jul 07 - 03:55 PM (#2107087) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: mrdux We've been boyfriend and girlfriend for twelve years last week. We've been married for almost five of those twelve years. |
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19 Jul 07 - 03:57 PM (#2107090) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Becca72 Sorry..25th wedding anniversary. Together a total of 30 years. |
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19 Jul 07 - 04:10 PM (#2107101) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Mr Yellow seven year and no plans to be less than 5 miles apart. Aged relatives start to affect the decision. Mind you getting her into yellow took 6 years - some things take time. |
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19 Jul 07 - 05:13 PM (#2107147) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: catspaw49 I met Karen on a Thursday night and proposed on Sunday night. Her friends all thought she was nuts (and of course she was) and pretty much got us to wait 6 months which allowed us to have a fun wedding with friends from all around the country able to come.......but we were both ready that Sunday night. That's been over 20 years ago and the best ones of my life. Somebody said to us the other day that we were lucky to have married our best friends, not knowing how little we actually knew of each other at the start. But I think it is how James Dickey the author and poet once described it. His character said that when he met his wife he saw something inside of her...a tiny flame, small but brilliant in his eye. When he saw it, he married it...and so did I. I have no idea what that flame was or is but Karen has it and I see it today brighter than I did that Thursday night in Atlanta. I wish the same for all of you. Spaw |
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19 Jul 07 - 06:05 PM (#2107170) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Uncle_DaveO On one Sunday, a while back, on July 13, I was enchanted to meet a personable and sightly young woman. On that Labor Day, (I figure it as 48 days later), she said she'd marry me. She was a public school ("public", US style) music teacher. "When shall we get married?" "How about next summer?" "Okay. Sounds good to me." Still, as a few weeks went on, that seemed a long time away. "That's so long! How about during spring school vacation?" "Great!" After a few more weeks or so, spring vacation seemed a long time away. One night in late November, as we were talking, she asked if I REALLLLLY wanted to marry her. "I'd marry you tomorrow!" "How about Christmas?" "You're on!" So as soon as both of us were available for the Christmas break (me from the court, she from school), we were married, on December 21st. The longest night of the year. We were no fools! Now some might think that was a thoughtless whirlwind courtship, and predict a brief married life. And maybe it will all go kerflooey pretty soon. Maybe. We'll have to see. It's only been forty-three years. Dave Oesterreich |
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19 Jul 07 - 06:23 PM (#2107183) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Rapparee Well, actually, after I'd been hanging out with her for about three or four years I said, in my romantic way, "You'll have to let me know when you want to get married." And she said, "Fine, how about this Fall?" and I said, "Okay, how about October 11?" and she was all for it except that her mother nixed it, saying that I was not going to marry her on her birthday and only buy one present -- so we decided on October 6. And she called my mother with the news and said, "We're going to get married in October" and my mother paused and then yelled to my sister, "Martha! Pat's pregnant!" She wasn't and we did and we've been living together ever since. |
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19 Jul 07 - 06:28 PM (#2107188) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Georgiansilver I thought my marriage was great until we started sleeping in seperate beds...me in the marital one and her in someone elses!!!!! Been much better off on my own as I can go to any folk club or festival I want, whenever I want and not have anything spoiling my plans.......one of the advantages of being single again. |
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19 Jul 07 - 06:51 PM (#2107203) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Mrs.Duck Geoff and I met one year in Whitby Folk week, got engaged the next, married the next and took two week old twins to the next. This year will be our 11th Whitby as a couple and we've been married for nine of those years. |
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19 Jul 07 - 06:51 PM (#2107204) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Liz the Squeak And there was me thinking this was a thread about which to choose!! LTS |
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19 Jul 07 - 07:20 PM (#2107223) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: katlaughing Here's me wondering if Scooby's still got Miskin Man AND the boyfriend???!**bg** (Not living on that side of the pond, I don't keep up.) The third time was a charm for me. Met my Rog on April Fool's day when he asked me out the same day! We were both sure from the get-go but he is not to be rushed. (Well, he'd never been married!) The kids and I moved out to his mini-ranch that June, he told me he loved me that July and as soon as our mutual employer lifted their nepotism rules, we were married the following March. He told me he wouldn't wear a ring because his work was too dangerous for losing fingers that way, but he showed me a beautiful tattoo of red roses on his right upper arm/shoulder and said he got them with the plan to put his true love's name there someday. A few years after we married, we went to a friend's wedding. Right after that, we went to the tattoist and he got my name in a beautiful script placed right under the largest blossom. I got a small vine with a tiny star and flower with his name in script on my upper right arm. This last anniversary was our 27th. |
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19 Jul 07 - 07:36 PM (#2107233) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Bernard My parents married in December 1945... they are now in their mid-eighties, and have celebrated 61 years of marriage (60 is Diamond, and they had a card from the Queen). Now here's spooky for you... I produce 'Sounds of Folk' for Radio Britfolk and Oldham Community Radio (we started on BBC GMR), and the show's presenter is Mudcatter Alio... her parents married just a few days before mine, and both are still going strong! Me? No, not so fortunate... my wife walked out over twenty years ago, and there's been no-one since... ho hum. |
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20 Jul 07 - 03:43 AM (#2107414) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,Son of a Teacher Man I've got neither, but it's not long to 30 years of married blips. Where's tha bin lad? I've bin courtin'. Where didst go? Down by t'beck. What'd she give thee? Nobbut kisses. Was it worth it? Was it 'eck. |
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20 Jul 07 - 05:14 AM (#2107456) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Folkiedave Met at start of December, engaged Valentine's day - married August 5th - 35 years this year and never a cross word.......... well not since yesterday. |
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20 Jul 07 - 05:16 AM (#2107459) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo MBS Lynne, No he is a very quiet person,not know on the folk scene yet!!!!!. Thanks for asking though Lynne. Scooby. |
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20 Jul 07 - 05:50 AM (#2107467) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: George Papavgeris First clapped eyes on her November 1972. Smitten. Finally got courage to ask her out 27 Feb 1973. Over the moon. Lived together since Jan 1974. Bliss. Married 25 August 1979. More of the same, paperwork made no difference. Doing the sums says "6 years, 5 months and 2 days" between the two. The real answer is more like Richard's: She still my girlfriend 34 and a half years later, and being 3 months younger, I am still her toy-boy. May she toy with me forever. |
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20 Jul 07 - 06:05 AM (#2107474) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Liz the Squeak Oh all right....I met Manitas in November, 1986, outside the Elizabeth Garrett Anderson school, Islington. He didn't become a boyfriend until late 1989, and we were engaged 27 Jan 1990. Married 8 Sept 1990. It'll be 17 years this year. Don't get that for armed robbery these days. LTS |
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20 Jul 07 - 06:29 AM (#2107481) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Cats at Work Jon and I won't have been married for 20 years this Oct 31st. We never really have been boyfriend / girlfriend but have known each other since the mid 1970's. |
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20 Jul 07 - 06:43 AM (#2107483) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne I met Ted at Sidmouth 1989, at which time I had been married for 8 months and already knew it had been a mistake. Never actually went back to the husband. The following Sidmouth I was pregnant and, of course, the one after that we took 7 month old Richard. Got married in January 1995 so we've been together for nearly 18 years and married for 12. Interestingly we never celebrate our wedding anniversary but only our meeting. If you're asking whether one should get married or not, I personally don't see the point but it depends on the feelings of the individual Love Lynne |
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20 Jul 07 - 06:57 AM (#2107486) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo Well it was whether to be married or not.I don't think i will get married again,i think that piece of paper does make you commit to a long relationship rather than living together which my eldest brother has done since 1980.So that will be the way i would go next time. Scooby |
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20 Jul 07 - 07:19 AM (#2107495) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: jacqui.c Kendall and I had to get married. If I wanted to stay in the USA, that is. We met online in about September 2003, met in the flesh April 04 and married in October 04. Didn't have the chance to live together beforehand and did most of our courting online. |
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20 Jul 07 - 08:43 AM (#2107538) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: George Papavgeris So, not a shotgun wedding then! It sounds like you "groomed" each other on the internet instead. MBSLynne, snap! Nessie and I also celebrate our "stepping out" together, rather than our wedding anniversaries (we got married twice, CoE and Orthodox, thanks to the intransigence of the Greek Orthodox Church at the time). |
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20 Jul 07 - 08:53 AM (#2107545) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: jonm Met end of July, got engaged mid-August (and she had a fortnight's holiday in between!) and married end of July the following year, due to the organisation hassles of a large family (hers makes ant colonies look small, all my folks could have shared a taxi if they'd been talking to each other). At the end of this month that will have been 13 years ago. |
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20 Jul 07 - 09:00 AM (#2107548) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Catherine Jayne Most of you know my story...or parts of it anyway. We lived together for 3 years, got married after that. Things fell apart, I knew we'd made a mistake getting married. We technically are still married but separated after 18 months. During that time a friend and I became closer and closer. Paul and I have been together a year now and have a beautiful son. We made a commitment to each other earlier in the year but we have no plans to get married. We are still blissfully happy and in love and enjoying family life. Long may it continue. Best wishes to you and your new boyfriend Scooby. Khatt |
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20 Jul 07 - 09:10 AM (#2107552) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne We kind of got married three times. We had a very low-key handfasting at Sidmouth the year after we met, then went to Australia where my family lives to get married then we had a 'blessing' back in England so that Ted's family could share it. I think getting married is fairly irrelevant to whether you stay together or not. Those who have said they've been married for ages would probably still have stayed together just the same if they hadn't been and vice versa. Love Lynne |
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20 Jul 07 - 09:37 AM (#2107569) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Little Hawk I think the key ingredient is how you feel about marriage in your subconscious...not necessarily in your surface consciousness. It goes back to your childhood experiences, and the impressions you received about marriage at that time. The impressions I received were very conflicted. They gave me the impression that marriage would bring a lot of unhappiness and frustration and be an inescapable thing that tied me down and trapped me for the rest of my life. When you believe that sort of thing deeply, it tends to happen. You replay the old tapes. I had a pretty keen sense of that possibility occurring, so I have never married...although I thought about it a couple of times. In retrospect, if I had gone ahead on either of those occasions it would have been a disaster. I can say that with absolute clarity. So it's a good thing I followed my basic instincts and did not marry either one of those people. Is there someone out there with whom I could have a lasting and harmonious marriage? Possibly... They say that anything is possible. ;-) I just finished watching a movie about Charlie Chaplin. He had a series of oddball marriages and relationships with women mostly far younger than himself. Amazingly enough, the last one turned out to be the right combination...and she was only 18 years old when she married him, but they remained together very happily until his death at 83, and she turned out to be a wonderfully supportive and responsible partner, despite the age difference. From wickipedia: During Chaplin's legal trouble over the Berry affair, he met Oona O'Neill, daughter of Eugene O'Neill, and married her on June 16, 1943. He was 54; she had just turned 18. The elder O'Neill refused all contact with Oona after the marriage, up until his death. O'Neill and Chaplin each seemed to provide elements missing in the others' lives: she longed for the love of a father figure, and Chaplin craved her loyalty and support as his public popularity declined. The marriage was a long and happy one, with eight children. They had three sons: Christopher, Eugene and Michael Chaplin and five daughters: Geraldine, Josephine, Jane, Victoria and Annette-Emilie Chaplin. So yeah, anything's possible. |
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20 Jul 07 - 09:50 AM (#2107583) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scoville The impressions I received were very conflicted. They gave me the impression that marriage would bring a lot of unhappiness and frustration and be an inescapable thing that tied me down and trapped me for the rest of my life. I've always suspected that this is more of an impression of what they think of long-term commitment in general. If there's nothing legally binding, there's a psychological "out". If you get used to the idea that marriage is a jinx, I'm pretty sure it's more likely to go wrong even if those involved are not consciously thinking so. My parents have been married 31 years and neither of them is going anywhere. My brother and SIL have been married only two years but, knowing him, especially, I suspect that opposing teams of the NFL could not pull them apart. I'm not married because none of the guys I've been with have been right, but the idea of marriage doesn't scare me. |
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20 Jul 07 - 10:09 AM (#2107596) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Little Hawk "more of an impression of what they think of long-term commitment in general" Perhaps...but every time I ever fell in love with anyone up to at least age 50, I was definitely expecting to be with them "forever". I am 100% monogamous by nature, and I was always looking for the "one true love of my life"...not playing the field. It would have been a lot easier on me emotionally if I had been inclined toward short involvements with little committment, I assure you. But, yeah, the idea of marriage definitely scares me. No question about it. I associate it with what I saw in my parents' and grandparents' marriages. The idea of monogamous committment and remaining faithful to one person does not scare me, not when I'm in love with the person. It comes naturally to me. Concerning the legal ties: Do those not mostly have to do with society's control over a person? If 2 people make a committment to each other then it's under their control, as it should be. It's their private business. If they make it a legal marriage, however, then it comes under the control of the government, the legal system, the courts, the lawyers, possibly a church, and NONE of those people have any business whatsoever in MY emotional relationship with someone! Understand? Why must a couple by subjected to the outside control of a host of strangers in their own private lives? That is the part of it that I cannot contemplate tolerating, frankly. |
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20 Jul 07 - 10:18 AM (#2107606) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: George Papavgeris Agree with you, LH, about childhood experiences being important; and with Scoville's interpretation of your statement. I committed myself to Nessie the day well before we/she decided to move in. Not the first day of going out, perhaps, but not long after either. I knew pretty soon that she was the one. But that's nothing compared to my folks, which I guess is where I got my impressions from: My sister and I nicknamed our parents "the doves". She was his first and vice versa, at 20. They stayed together for 68 years, and all my life I remember them being loving and caring towards each other. I remember frequently Dad saying to her "Let me be first!", right up to a year before his death, meaning he wanted to die first because he knew he couldn't survive without her. She'd scold him for that, but my sister and I were very pleased that he got his wish. This eventually gave rise to a song, "Pieces": "...and yet, without you I go to pieces. To see you hurt, I think my heart will burst. I'm hooked, and my dependency increases. So when it's time to go, let me be first." |
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20 Jul 07 - 01:15 PM (#2107693) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne Well perhaps I blow that theory. My Mum and Dad have been married for 56 years and they had only known each other for five months before they got married. There were occasional sticky patches in their marriage, as with most, but on the whole they have been happy and provided a solid, united front as an example to us three kids. However I ran a mile as soon as commitment loomed to the extent that I didn't get married until I was 38 and have now been married twice. My sister has also been married twice and my brother is about to marry for the second time. We couldn't have had a much better view of marriage when we were children, but we none of us managed to do tyhe same. Love Lynne |
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20 Jul 07 - 01:40 PM (#2107711) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: George Papavgeris Yep, that puts a hole in it. Clearly there's more than parental example in whether one accepts or is afraid of commitment. |
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20 Jul 07 - 02:55 PM (#2107747) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: gnu The state definitely has a vested interest in your marriage, LH. Number one, the welfare of the children. Number two, YOUR welfare and HER welfare. It's a 50/50 deal here in Canada. It's the only way a divorce can be settled resonably. And, it stops a lot of people from killing each other.... mentally as well as physically. BTW, as far as "making a marriage legal", you have no choice. I don't know what the law is in your province, but every province has a time limit on it... it's called "common law marriage". |
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20 Jul 07 - 06:17 PM (#2107863) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Little Hawk Yes, I am aware that the state (and society in general) have a vested interest in people's marriages, gnu....but I don't like the fact that they do. ;-) Not one bit. I don't want anyone else having a vested interest or any form of intrusion in the most intimate matters of my life. I thoroughly resent their legal intrusions into such matters. I resent churches in the same fasion, if they mess around judging people's moral behavior when no harm has been done to either party. Looking at Charlie Chaplin's life, which involved a series of relationships....he could have handled them a whole lot better if the legal apparatus of society (and the press) had minded their own business and left him and his wives and/or girlfriends alone. As it was, they virtually ruined the man's career and his life, largely because J. Edgar Hoover thought he was a "communist" and spent decades persecuting him until he was finally refused residence in the USA. This was a case of a decent, harmless, and very talented man being driven out of the country by a twisted, paranoid monster with a badge. Hardly a shining moment in American history! The state IS needed to protect people against other people who are genuinely dangerous or harmful in some way. Charlie Chaplin wasn't the least bit dangerous toward any of his partners, and neither am I. Therefore, like Chaplin, I would prefer that the state mind its own damned business, and I object to its "vested interests" in people's relationships. The state is theoretically supposed to serve the people. In truth, it is exactly the other way around. The people are made, by force or the implied threat of force, to serve the state. And thus it has ever been, sad to say. |
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20 Jul 07 - 07:31 PM (#2107900) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,petr friend for 4years, girlfriend for 1year wife for 4 mother of 2 girls for 2 1/2 & 8 months |
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20 Jul 07 - 07:36 PM (#2107903) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Alba There are some really wonderful stories on this thread. I have enjoyed reading them all. Ah Romance.. It just goes to show that if you and yours are meant to be, youlle get together, stay together and not because you have to...but because it was indeed meant to be..*smile* Jude |
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20 Jul 07 - 07:40 PM (#2107904) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: katlaughing Why must a couple by subjected to the outside control of a host of strangers in their own private lives? Why, indeed. Yet it is that outside control which keeps gay and lesbian partners apart at times of great need, i.e. hospitalisations, etc. and makes them seek laws which will protect their rights as a couple. Infidelity can be a terrible thing to have happen to a marriage, too. Many years ago, my first husband lost me and his two beautiful children mostly because of his playing around. Of course, we both lost our house and good credit, too. I spoke with him for the first time in thirty years, recently. His life has been a mostly sad thing ever since. He never remarried and, as far as I know, has never had another partner nor owned his own home. |
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20 Jul 07 - 08:25 PM (#2107929) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Little Hawk Infidelity is the absolute pits. I've experienced it, but I have not inflicted it upon anyone else...not in this lifetime, anyway. Matter of fact, I experienced it with both the females I was considering marrying (after having lived together for awhile), and that's one of the reasons I thank my lucky stars I did not decide to marry either one of them. I had other girlfriends who were entirely faithful, I'm happy to say. If you're inclined that way yourself, you never expect the other person to cheat, and it's a real shock when they do. |
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20 Jul 07 - 08:29 PM (#2107932) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Liz the Squeak Ah Little Hawk, how true that last sentence is... Trouble is, not everyone will accept gracefully that what is sauce for the goose, is also sauce for the gander. Some of the bitterest fights I've witnessed have been between partners where one cheated and got all bent out of shape when the other did the same. LTS |
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20 Jul 07 - 09:11 PM (#2107955) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: JennieG Moved in together after knowing each other properly for a month.....although we had worked in the same office for 2 1/2 years before that. Married almost 2 years later because: a) we wanted to make the commitment to each other b) I was 9 months pregnant (although he tells people he really married me for my cooking!) c) family expectations in 1974 were different to now, we were the only people we knew who lived together without being married and there was pressure which, being hormonal and pregnant, I found difficult to withstand d) the divorce from my practice marriage had just come through That was in March 1974 and we are still together! Cheers JennieG |
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20 Jul 07 - 09:20 PM (#2107959) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Bee-dubya-ell My wife and I tried the living together in unmarried bliss bit off and on for a few years, but we'd break up the first time some little problem came along. Then we'd get back together in a couple of months or so. We finally realized that we needed the legal contract in order to break the cycle. Marriage is, in part, a promise to try to work through difficulties instead of just throwing your shit in the car and leaving. |
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20 Jul 07 - 10:23 PM (#2107977) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: jacqui.c I made the commitment by jacking in the job, selling the house and moving 3000 miles to be with the man I love. Didn't really need marriage to cement this but, for green card purposes...... I never was unfaithful but, when I found that I had deep feelings for another man during my last marriage, I decided, after three painful years, that my marriage could not continue. The other guy never was interested but I felt that, if I could have that sort of feeling, the marriage was not working any more. As it turned out that was the best thing that I could have done. My ex found a new lady very quickly and I, eventually, met Kendall. |
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21 Jul 07 - 03:12 AM (#2108052) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,Sooz I agree with Alba, A very interesting thread. |
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21 Jul 07 - 05:10 AM (#2108066) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne In these times of, perhaps, lighter morals and with less disapproval from society in general, has infidelity become more common? Discuss. Love Lynne |
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21 Jul 07 - 05:13 AM (#2108070) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne I think quite a lot of people either resent or see no need for a legal marriage these days, and there seems to be a big increase in 'humanist' weddings and things like handfastings which are both moral and psychological commitments but not legally binding. To my mind this is the way to go as it serves the commitment purpose without the legal thingy. Love Lynne |
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21 Jul 07 - 05:50 AM (#2108080) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: George Papavgeris One has to be able to withdraw honourably from a relationship, as jacqui has done; yet there has also to be a bias towards trying to make a relationship work, where this is doable. The question for me is: Where should this bias come from? In the past this came from the law, or from the church, or from (local) societal mores. All three of the above when applied absolutely can have terrible extremes, once broken: Excommunication, a reduced legal/financial status, or ostracism from society. So a strong external bias towards staying together can lead to tragedy, suppression of feelings and infidelity has therefore to be covert. So to avoid such extremes it would appear that the bias needs to come from somewhere else. From within, perhaps? A strong personal sense of moral responsibility towards the partner/family could do it, but how do you instil such sense of responsibility without using external threat of punishment? Today there is nothing that even attempts to teach that, except for a few isolated cases of parents here and there, in pitifully small numbers. And perhaps it was always so, people depended on church or law or society as the external threat, and few taught their children morality "in absolute", as it were. If we all had that inner sense of moral responsibility, infidelity would all but disappear, I believe. Instead there would be an inner struggle between responsibility and interest, one or the other would win, and you either stay together or choose an honourable dissolution. And pigs will fly. Because the world we live in does not promote such morality - indeed, quite the opposite. It's not just the effects of Thatcherism, me-first, I'm-all-right-Jack, this has always been so. Few of us can rise above self-interest, eating-the-pie-and-having-it-whole, when cornered by such inner conflicts. And so, the best we can hope for in such an imperfect world is that we can find someone to love who has enough honesty and that this honesty will not be tested too vigorously by circumstances. |
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21 Jul 07 - 11:05 AM (#2108170) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: SINSULL Actually MSLynne, the "free love" of the 60s and "boys will be boys" attitude of the 50s, I believe, created a far more lenient attitude towards infidelity than I see prevalent today. Certainly, HIV and AIDS makes people think twice both for their own safety and the safety of their husband or wife. At the same time, at least in the US, we seem to have created a generation based on instant gratification and when anything goes wrong or times get tough, they feel justified in destroying a marriage in order to gain an immediate if not lasting "happiness". This is a generalization but it is based on the failure of several marriages I have seen over the past year. My cousin ( late 20s) was married for less than two years, has a child and her husband left to live with a woman he met while on a business trip in China. No doubt there is much more to the story but what shocks me is that both are ardent practicing Catholics from families who follow church teachings strictly. When a marriage lasts less than two years and in one case less than a few months, I have to wonder about expectations, maturity and motive. Some young people seem to playing "house". Before I am accused of being a voice of doom, I also know many people who have stayed together through the worst of times and have strong, happy marriages. The cousin I mentioned has a sister with three children, two with CF and Crone's. She and her husband are as in love as the day they married. The weekly trips to the ER seem to bring them closer instead of sending one or the other off in search of greener pastures. My brother's illness would have sent me packing but my sister-in-law stood by him. She and her children saw him through the worst and now he is well, the children are fine and their marriage is stronger than ever. I have never married and never will. At a painfully young age I decided to have and keep my own. It is a control issue. My home, my bank account, my cats, my car, etc. The concept of trusting someone enough to give up that control is beyond me and is reinforced when I see the nightmare some people live when things go very wrong and lives, finances, friends, etc. get caught up in the mess. There is also a price to be paid for going it alone - I don't recommend it to the faint of heart. So, to those of you who have chosen the married life, I wish you health, wealth, happiness, long life, healthy children, and a home full of music and laughter. |
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21 Jul 07 - 12:55 PM (#2108219) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Little Hawk Interesting post, SINSULL. I understand your thing about the control issue perfectly, and I also have never married. MBSLynee asked, "with less disapproval from society in general, has infidelity become more common?" No, I don't think it has. As a matter of fact, I think it may be more common in societies where there is much greater dissaproval. I think that in those societies it's far more covert, as someone else said, but just as common, if not more so. |
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21 Jul 07 - 12:59 PM (#2108225) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: George Papavgeris Agree LH (it was me who said it). It's honesty that prevents infidelity, not external threats, whether from society, church or state. The latter simply drive it underground. |
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21 Jul 07 - 01:36 PM (#2108250) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne Infidelity has always happened...of course, but certainly in my parents' youth (1940/50s) people were less inclined lightly to go off with someone else. As my parents and their friends say "You just didn't do it!" I've seen so many people I know decide to trade in one partner for another with waht seems like little thought for anything except their own pleasure and some idea of chasing happiness. What really shocks me is how easy it seems to be for people to break up their children's secure family for their own pleasure. My marriage has been through a sticky patch or two but I would move heaven and earth to make sure that our family unit stays complete for the sake of my children. I know a lot of people will say "The children are better off with parents apart if they fight all the time and are unhappy". Well I believe you have to subsume your own idea of happiness and, as they used to say in my parents' era "Make the best of things". Love Lynne |
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21 Jul 07 - 01:58 PM (#2108256) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: George Papavgeris I too belong in that school of thought, Lynne - whether I've brung up that way or for whatever reason. It strikes me that in an age when "commitment" is so much talked about, people are least willing to commit. Or when they say that they do, it means less than nothing to many of them. They only pretend at commitment to get what they want, then they feel free to break it. Not everyone is like that, of course; but far too many, certainly more than a generation or so ago. If you accept the above, then this means that for many people rebelling against external restrictions to their freedom, from law or church etc, is little more than a hypocritical ruse to leave themselves held only by the force of their own "commitment"! .i.e wanting it both ways. Bugger all moral strength - and why not, after all, who has promoted "moral strength" in the last xx years? Not the politicians, or the media, or the educational establishments, or the Church with its scandals. |
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21 Jul 07 - 02:09 PM (#2108257) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Becca72 I'd like to speak on behalf of the children in the "stay together for the sake of" scenario. Please, if you're that unhappy...leave. You are not doing your children any favors. I was there myself from birth to age 8. Stay FRIENDS for the sake of your children, certainly. Teach your children about commitment in a different lesson..not one that shows commitment in the bad light of a miserable marriage. Seems more like a prison sentence when they see it that way. |
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21 Jul 07 - 02:20 PM (#2108261) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne It's perfectly possible to make a marriage APPEAR happy, not only to outsiders but to your partner and to your children and if you do a good enough job of it you cease to be unhappy yourself. You may not be able to say "I'm happy" but you don't spend all your time in misery. There's quite a wide spectrum of marriages in the less-than-perfect category. I wouldn't advocate staying together for the sake of the4 children if there is violence or even many arguements, but a person can be less than happy in a marriage without any of that. Love Lynne |
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21 Jul 07 - 02:40 PM (#2108269) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Becca72 Yes, Lynne but why would you want to be? Talking to the spouse you're keeping your unhappiness from and allowing them to help you try to fix it (or if unfixable to leave) is a much better option in my mind. I'm certainly not advocating the instant divorce mindset of this day and age; I think you should do all that you can to make it work. But everyone deserves to be happy in their life and sometimes that can't happen in current situations. If you don't think the kids know something is wrong you're fooling yourself, not them. My parents never fought in front of me but I knew. |
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21 Jul 07 - 02:46 PM (#2108272) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne Having thought about what I just said and what Becca said, I'm not saying that people should stay together for the sake of their children in any circumstances. It's just that I've seen far too many people I know allow their marriage to break up, not because it was particularly unhappy, but for a pursuit of some perceived happiness. I think perhaps we've come to beieve that our own happiness is paramount, which, if one has children, it isn't. Their happiness and well being is paramount. I also think that, possibly due to films and television, we have a somewhat warped view of what we believe we need to make us happy. Marriages aren't generally a fairystory, they take work and sometimes just sticking it out even when it isn't like the "Happy ever after" you thought it would be. To quote another saying from my parents' era "You've made your bed and now you must lie in it" Love Lynne |
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21 Jul 07 - 02:58 PM (#2108279) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Becca72 With that I completely agree :-) |
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21 Jul 07 - 03:19 PM (#2108289) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: SINSULL I think you hit the nail on the head with the "happily ever after" reference. I would love to see Cinderella and Snow White at fifty. Robin Hood and Maid Marion lived happily ever after - she in a convent and him off fighting in the Crusades. |
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21 Jul 07 - 03:22 PM (#2108292) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Dave Earl "You've made your bed and now you must lie in it" And sometimes one party or another will "cut off their nose to spite their face" Some off you may know what makes me say that!!! Dave |
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21 Jul 07 - 04:17 PM (#2108317) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: robomatic As long as you stay human in the end. |
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22 Jul 07 - 06:19 AM (#2108503) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne I had in mind one particular friend of mine who seems typical of a lot of people I've observed. She had a baby when she was about 20 and the father was never involved...possibly never told about the child. She and baby lived with her parents but this was much too restrictive for her so when proposed to by a nice man who, at the time she was madly in love with, she got married. Steve adopted her son, treated him as his own, was a hardworking man who earned a good living. He worked away from home quite often but she was happy because he brought in more money that way. They had another child, Angie didn't go to work but occupied herself with doing up her house to within an inch of it's life and flitting from one enthusiasm to another, such as keeping chickens, growing vegetables etc. Then she got bored. She wasn't unhappy with Steve but said that she found him boring, so she started an affair with the man next door but one. She instigated it, chased him until he succumbed then had him around to the house while the kids were at school and husband was away. Pretty soon it was madly in love and she had to be with him forever so out went Steve. This was all too heavy for the new boyfriend who went back to his previous girlfriend. So Angie went on the net to find another man. She is now on her (I think) third. They've all lived with her and she is always madly in love with each at the time. she has now moved to where the current boyfriend lives, a long way from her original home, but last heard she was getting bored with him. This is perhaps an extreme situation but not uncommon...and an appaling life for the two children Love Lynne |
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22 Jul 07 - 06:40 AM (#2108506) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo No i have not got them both on the go thank goodness.Miskin Man is involved with Eyelander and i wish them both the best for the future what ever it brings. Scooby. |
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22 Jul 07 - 06:41 AM (#2108507) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: George Papavgeris Sorry Lynne, but your friend is for me a typical example of someone looking after number one only while pretending/playing at commitment and looking for instant gratification with no idea or plan for her own future - all the modern traits. She has a high likelihood of being a sad old woman one day (though she'll never admit it, she'll brag about always doing what she wanted and being "carefree" etc, as if that is somehow something to aspire to). Being "carefree" is crap for hapiness. I have always been happiest when I achieved something, or when I made someone I love happy, or even when I make someone I don't know happy. Without caring, such things don't just happen. Hapiness implies joy. I don't think you can make yourself happy - only satisfied. |
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22 Jul 07 - 10:01 AM (#2108559) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne No need to be sorry George. I agree entirely. She is only mid 30s yet she is already starting to be a 'sad' person. Last time I saw her she was over-made up wearing tarty clothes with her hair sprayed so it didn't move even when she did. She was talking about having tummy-tucks to get rid of her bulge after having babies. (Swimming regularly would be much better, and cheaper!). She has nail extensions, hair extensions...in fact, there isn't much of her which is actually real any more. And she is STILL obviously not happy. All the things she's been chasing all her life have proved false and have given her no real happiness at all. It's actually very sad. And all too common. Love Lynne |
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22 Jul 07 - 10:52 AM (#2108588) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: SINSULL I had forgotten about a woman I used to know when I worked in pharmaceuticals (legal). She was divorced after she lost a breast to cancer and a child was born with a minor deformity. He couldn't deal with either. Everytime I visited her she was "in love" with a new man including a gay man at the office "who needed a woman" and a homeless man who showed up at her door, painted a bathroom and slept in her bed that night. Her 15 year old daughter had an endless array of boyfriends sleeping over and planned to quit school when she turned 16. Her young son (about ten) was an angry child and Mom couldn't figure out why. This woman was a customer and I had to take her out to lunch and sometimes dinner. Every time she managed to cruise the bar and invite some guy over to the table. Usually he had a friend for me but I would decline the offer. Rarely did they have teeth or jobs. Rarely were they anywhere near sober. She seemed to have her identity confused with having a man. Sad. I have known one or two women like this but I viewed it as their insecurity/image problem rather than typical behavior. |
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22 Jul 07 - 11:00 AM (#2108593) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne Yes Sins, it sounds very similar. Hopefully it's not TOO common but it still seems to happen more often than it should. The woman I'm talking about doesn't seem to see it as possible to be a person without a man. Personally I think you need to know who you are and be comfortable with that before you start going into relationships. While I don't like to cast 'nasturtiums' and I know that my friend's parents are still together, I wonder how much of her attitude is due to upbringing? Perhaps one of the things we need to be giving our children is help to sort out their own identity while they are still developing? And that's what it boils down to, certainly in these cases. Not just lack of ability to make a commitment, but lack of....I don't know...a feeling of self-worth? Comes back to the old thing: how can you love someone else properly if you don't love yourself? (And of course that doesn't mean gratifying yourself at every opportunity) Love Lynne Love Lynne |
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22 Jul 07 - 12:51 PM (#2108642) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo How about Low Self Esteem Lynne. Scooby. |
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22 Jul 07 - 12:57 PM (#2108645) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Uncle Boko It's funny how lesbians and homos never refer to girlfriend or boyfriend - it's always the hideous "partner". |
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22 Jul 07 - 01:05 PM (#2108650) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne Yes, low self-esteem is probably the phrase I was looking for, but I think it's more a case of not knowing oneself properly Love Lynne |
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22 Jul 07 - 01:08 PM (#2108654) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Stilly River Sage So? |
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22 Jul 07 - 01:27 PM (#2108661) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Ebbie Uncle Boko (you don't seem all that avuncular!), I know a number of married folks who refer to their 'significant others' as "partner". 'Partner in life' is a good phrase, methinks. |
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22 Jul 07 - 01:34 PM (#2108664) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo Its a lot better than the "Mrses" OR "Her Indoors".I don't think the female kind is that callous about there partner. Scooby |
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22 Jul 07 - 01:48 PM (#2108676) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Dave Earl Peace, Don't know why Uncle B is asking this question but if Diane sees it she will answer for herself. As it happens I think I know the answer to the question. Dave |
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22 Jul 07 - 01:59 PM (#2108685) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo Dave, You keep it warm under your cap too. Scooby. |
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22 Jul 07 - 02:01 PM (#2108686) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: The Borchester Echo I rarely look below the line but my attention has been drawn to this ridiculously irrelevant thread (though no more so than most others, it seems). As it happens I think I know the answer to the question DO you? How? And what has it to do with you or anyone else wasting time scribbling on his thread? |
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22 Jul 07 - 02:12 PM (#2108689) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Dave Earl "DO you? How? And what has it to do with you or anyone else wasting time scribbling on his thread?" Diane I did say that you would respond and so you have. I have exchanged posts several time with you and I have gained an impresion as to your relationship(s) or not. It is as you say none of my business and i deliberately made no comment other than to say I "think" I know. May well be wrong but I am only going by what you have said elsewhere and the way you have said it. End of contribution from me. Dave |
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22 Jul 07 - 02:28 PM (#2108694) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: The Borchester Echo As I said Mr/Ms Scooby, I was alerted to this thread by someone other than you since my name was mentioned. I don't think Peace is right in describing it as a 'personal attack' (gawd knows I'm used to them) but a piece of idiotic speculation. Discuss as much irrelevant crap as you like down here, but don't bring me into it, thenksvmuch. |
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22 Jul 07 - 03:16 PM (#2108703) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Peace OY! |
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22 Jul 07 - 05:34 PM (#2108772) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: katlaughing Don't know who you are or where you came from, don't really care. Just know, Uncle Boko, your kind of stirring the pot is not welcome. |
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22 Jul 07 - 05:40 PM (#2108777) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: John MacKenzie It's a forum where personal vendettas are not allowed, especially under the cover of anonymity. G. |
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22 Jul 07 - 05:40 PM (#2108779) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Little Hawk I'll volunteer as one of the "loner weirdos"... ;-) But I am NOT a "politically correct nutter", okay? |
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22 Jul 07 - 06:06 PM (#2108798) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: The Borchester Echo There's been quite a lot excised from this thread after it was drawn to my attention that my name had featured in it and it is now unclear why I entered into it in the first place, The Bonko person is peeved and petulant that his log-in to the fRoots forum was blocked (by Ian Anderson, fRoots Editor, not me) for being a total time-wasting, obnoxious, pain in the arse. A troll, in fact. He has started innumerable threads here today (to which many English musicians have responded expressing their anger at how he behaved on fRoots, but these too have been deleted. Here Mr Bonkers made a 'contribution' wondering whether I had a 'boyfriend or husband' (the relevance escapes me) and followed this up with a clearly homophobic remark. As it goes, I am not a lesbian, though this cannot be of any interest to anyone except prospective sexual partners with whom I would conduct appropriate discussions, though not here. The Bonkers person does not know me (though may by sight, I have no idea) and has thus no grounds for conducting a 'personal vendetta'. In view of the manner in which he has displayed extracts from my writings out of context which, although no longer here but which may have been glimpsed by some of you, I would suggest that you look at the fRoots link above and see the full arguments in context and see why Ian A took the action he did. |
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22 Jul 07 - 06:12 PM (#2108802) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: John MacKenzie I think that now it has been excised,a dignified silence would best serve the interests of Mudcat, and all concerned. Giok |
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22 Jul 07 - 07:01 PM (#2108828) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Liz the Squeak I suspect that gay/lesbian people refer to their "significant others" as 'partner' to avoid snide and offensive comments by people who don't know they are gay/lesbian. If you're not 'out' to everyone, refering to your 'partner' as such is best, as it is assexual and won't immediately cause speculation. Manitas once introduced me as 'the wife', whilst I was standing next to him. He only did it the once. LTS |
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22 Jul 07 - 08:42 PM (#2108880) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: JennieG If Himself ever refers to me as 'the wife' then I shall start calling him 'hubby' - that really makes me cringe. Cheers JennieG |
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22 Jul 07 - 08:53 PM (#2108886) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: TRUBRIT What is wrong with the term partner? I rather like it and when you are dealing with couples professionally it is a hell of a lot more tactful to say partner than to say -- are you married, or where's the ring or a bunch of other silly statements. I had my first 'date' with Tom on his 22nd birthday in December 1976 - I was 27. We were married in August = the age gap seemed huge at the time but now that I am nearly 58 and he is nearly 53 it seems to pale into insignificance........ I read all these threads about people who 'just knew ' they had found the right partner. I didn't know -- I was ready to settle and I thought he was one of the nicest human beings I had ever met......I have liked him every day for 30 years but I think it took me about 20 years to love him -- whatever that means and I am truly not sure. What I do know is I married the nicest, kindest man I ever met ..... our children adore him and he would never raise his hand in anger, or his voice, to them or to me......he shares my interests (not quite as passionate about folk music, but that is ok) and he shares my political beliefs ..... and I just darn well like him tremendously. Perhaps that is what love is? |
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22 Jul 07 - 09:00 PM (#2108893) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Alba Might it be simpler if folks just called each other by their names! "Hi this is Jane" and leave it like that. Why the need for the relationship description! Leave'em guessing I say. LOL Or perhaps at a social gathering folks that feel the need to explain the presence of the other human being beside them could do the intro's something like this... "Hello there, everyone, I would like to introduce you to my commitment, Rasputin..." Ah the language of Love. |
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22 Jul 07 - 09:22 PM (#2108910) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Little Hawk Yeah, introduce them by name. Who needs the title? |
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22 Jul 07 - 11:54 PM (#2108966) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: JennyO There are much worse titles than partner, which seems okay to me - or just the name is fine. There's the other half, the little woman, 'er indoors, trouble and strife, or even She Who Must Be Obeyed - to name a few. It seems there are more of these to describe women than men. |
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22 Jul 07 - 11:54 PM (#2108967) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: JennyO 100 :-) |
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22 Jul 07 - 11:59 PM (#2108970) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Ebbie Well, I think not identifying one's relationship, at least to some degree, would cause more complications than necessary. Suppose Lorna Steele says, And Tammi Jones, this is Tom Johnson. Tom, Tammi. The evening wears on. Tammi finds herself smitten with Tom but she doesn't know if he is in a committed relationship... she's not sure whether she should ask Lorna. (When I haven't found any problems I have always created them.:~) |
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23 Jul 07 - 12:50 AM (#2108983) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: katlaughing Intro yourself, step up and say "I'm his Better Half!"**bg** |
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23 Jul 07 - 02:56 AM (#2109002) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Ebbie That's the spirit, kat! |
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23 Jul 07 - 03:36 AM (#2109015) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne A thing I once read in a Reader's Digest: "I always introduce him as "My first husband"...it keeps him on his toes" Love Lynne |
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23 Jul 07 - 04:05 AM (#2109030) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: George Papavgeris "My girlfriend", or "my better one-third" is how I usually introduce Nessie. Interestingly, in Greece the politically correct way is to say either "the wife" or "my wife"! By using the definite article, they imply a sort of "naturally, I couldn't be without her, we're inseparable". Go figure. |
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23 Jul 07 - 04:09 AM (#2109033) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: John MacKenzie It is not SWMBO JennyO,it is SWMBI. G. {Little joke there} |
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23 Jul 07 - 04:13 AM (#2109038) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: John MacKenzie I favour the introduction of one's fiancee, as 'My future ex- wife' Lynne :) G. |
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23 Jul 07 - 07:02 AM (#2109097) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: JennyO It is not SWMBO JennyO,it is SWMBI. Hmmmm. You'll keep, Giok. One of these days I'll make it over there.... |
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23 Jul 07 - 09:11 AM (#2109173) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,meself After you've passed the half-century mark, talking about your 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' seems to me a little ... something. But so does every other available term. "I'd like you to meet Jane, my dear, dear friend, my lover, my partner-in-life, my companion, my woman, my roommate, my long-term fiance - in short, the ol' ball-and-chain!" Hmmm - think I'll try that one next time ... |
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23 Jul 07 - 09:16 AM (#2109177) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: John MacKenzie I heard a lady of mature years on the radio yesterday describing the man who I assume is her 'latest squeeze'[I like that one] as her new best friend, which was quite good fun I thought. G. |
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23 Jul 07 - 10:12 AM (#2109231) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Joe Offer Well, when I want to get uppity, I introduce people to "my wife, DOCTOR Slowick." Now, if she would just make a quarter as much money as people think a doctor makes. -Joe, spouse of a Chiropractor- (and more often, I introduce her as "my sweetie") |
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23 Jul 07 - 10:28 AM (#2109241) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo Joe, I like the sweetie bit that is romantic. Scooby |
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23 Jul 07 - 11:06 AM (#2109270) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: SINSULL You could always wear T-shirts that say "I'm with stupid ---->" Here in Maine couples call each other Mother and Father. Took me a while to get used to it. "Get in the F**kin' car, Mother". Sorry for the thread drift. We did allow a troll to take this off course and it was a serious discussion. |
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23 Jul 07 - 11:22 AM (#2109280) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo Yes!!!. I know we did lets get back to boyfriend or husband what would you choose?. Scooby |
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23 Jul 07 - 11:47 AM (#2109299) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Midchuck I was going to brag about having been married (to the same woman) for 40 years, after "going together" for almost five prior to that. But now she's gone home to mother. She says she'll be back tomorrow, but you never can tell. Peter. |
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23 Jul 07 - 12:09 PM (#2109328) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo Let's hope she will be back soon Peter. That is a very long time to be be married Peter too.Congratulations. Kind Regards. Scooby |
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23 Jul 07 - 01:21 PM (#2109386) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,Crazy Man Michael calling the other half,"the little woman" is just asking for a belt round the lug 'ole :-D |
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23 Jul 07 - 01:46 PM (#2109400) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo Ignore that thread from Crazy Man Michael. Scooby |
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23 Jul 07 - 02:10 PM (#2109419) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Ebbie Oh, oh. Is the little woman speaking? *g* |
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23 Jul 07 - 02:18 PM (#2109425) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Peace Two guys on a golf coures. One of them slices the ball and it narrowly misses hitting a female two-some about 100 yards away. Fellow says to his friend, "Bill, you should go over there and apologize to her." Bill gets halfway there, stares and returns to his friend. "Dave, would you mind going? One of them is my wife and the other is my mistress." Dave gets halfway there, stares and comes back. Bill just looks at him and says, "What's up?" Dave replies, "Small world." |
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23 Jul 07 - 02:24 PM (#2109430) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo Why "ebbie". It was my thread anyway!!!!!.Go away troll. |
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23 Jul 07 - 02:52 PM (#2109455) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST funnily enough it was Jenny O who first used the term in her post.... "There's the other half, the little woman, 'er indoors, trouble and strife, or even She Who Must Be Obeyed - to name a few. It seems there are more of these to describe women than men." I was joking... |
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23 Jul 07 - 02:55 PM (#2109458) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Emma B I rather like the Spanish "mi media naranja" :) |
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23 Jul 07 - 02:59 PM (#2109464) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,meself Well, after all, Spanish is a loving tongue ... |
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23 Jul 07 - 04:09 PM (#2109516) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo PEACE is PM me is she a Troll????? Scooby |
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23 Jul 07 - 04:16 PM (#2109522) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Peace Ask Joe Offer. Here is my permission for him to track the url of the person who IS the troll. I post from the same url all the time. No, Peace is not your troll on this or any other thread. I have not used a guest name to post with for a long time. Here's my permission for you to ask Joe Offer. Do that. And until you get your answer, kindly take your head and shove it up your ass. |
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23 Jul 07 - 04:21 PM (#2109529) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Peace My three messages to Scooby Doo: 1)Is GUEST the same as Michael? 2)If I knew the answer--your flip remark , "You tell me"--I would not have asked. Don't bother responding to my last message. I do believe we have nothing further to say. 3)No, I am not the troll. Your implication that I was really pisses me off. Here is what you can do. Get in touch with Joe Offer and ask if any of your troll posts come from Hinton, Alberta. That is where I am, and my url never changes. Please do not ever write to me again. I think you are a woman, so I won't tell you what I think you should do. |
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23 Jul 07 - 05:45 PM (#2109560) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Peace ScoobyDoo: I am sorry to have been so rude. I take it I didn't make myself very clear. I am not the troll. I was asking if you had any idea who the troll was. I am offering my apologies in hopes you'll accept them. To be clear: I haven't posted under any name BUT Peace for a long time--a rough guest would be six to eight months. And when I did it was not for the purpose of trolling. |
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23 Jul 07 - 05:53 PM (#2109568) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,meself "a rough guest would be six to eight months" - Six to eight months?! He'd have to be pretty rough AND tough if I couldn't get him out of the house after three or four days ... |
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23 Jul 07 - 06:13 PM (#2109582) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Peace LOL "Oh, Dr Freud . . . ." |
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23 Jul 07 - 06:13 PM (#2109583) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,Chong Chimp I have heard of gorillas that moved in on someone and wouldn't leave after that period of time. But not at my place. No way, Jose. The last rough ape that overstayed his welcome at my place left by the window. Headfirst. He bounced off of the roof of a taxicab three floors down, and I ain't seen him since. I would not have done that if he was a female. Them I ask to leave by the door. Anyways, I think what Peace meant there was to say "guess", not "guest". - Chongo |
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23 Jul 07 - 06:15 PM (#2109585) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Blast it! I misspelled my own damn name when I posted last time. Gotta cut down on the whisky, I guess. - Chongo Chimp |
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23 Jul 07 - 08:40 PM (#2109664) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Dave Earl Sorry folk!! Got problems of my own. See you around. Dave |
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23 Jul 07 - 08:48 PM (#2109671) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Whatever they are, they can't match Brittney's. Her problems, I mean... - Chongo |
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23 Jul 07 - 11:37 PM (#2109750) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,meself Dare I ask what a 'fanjita' is? |
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24 Jul 07 - 04:25 AM (#2109837) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: John MacKenzie It's a wheel with pieces of flat Mexican bread fixed at regular intervals around the rim. This wheel is then rotated at speed which moves the air around and helps cool people down. It is also known as a punka sandwich. G. |
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24 Jul 07 - 05:16 AM (#2109855) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Diva Hobbit......well he is an older man and thinks the term boyfriend is a bit twee. I usually say partner since we are both still married to other people. Apparently we are the height of trendiness as we maintain separate homes, mine in hawick, Allans in Selkirk...living appart together is the term in current usage. We've both done the married thing, Allan three times!!!! so we won't bother....I'm in no rush to divorce my ex, we get on better now. |
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24 Jul 07 - 07:23 AM (#2109906) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne I personally can't see what was wrong with the post from Crazy Man Michael anyway. He was just joining in the same conversation about what people call their 'other halves'. Love Lynne |
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24 Jul 07 - 07:25 AM (#2109909) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo SORRY Peace,i would like you to except my apology on the net.I don't know why i thought it was you as a troll. Scooby. |
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24 Jul 07 - 07:58 AM (#2109922) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: My guru always said I'm with you Lynne, I can't see any problem there except for Yas having a bit of a misunderstanding & mistakenly accusing Peace. No trolling here I reckon. |
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24 Jul 07 - 08:35 AM (#2109945) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,meself Nice try, Giok - but I wasn't born yesterday! Not the day before either ... (Very imagainative, though!). |
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24 Jul 07 - 11:22 AM (#2110105) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,outside looking in In all this talk of infidelity and choices etc. no one has mentioned the feelings of shame, pain and humiliation the innocent party feels while, through no fault of their own, they wait at the Genito-urinary clinic to be tested for STDs and HIV, because their "partner" "overlapped" their relationships and they (the innocent party) are now exposed to ALL the sexual partners of ALL the partys involved for the duration. |
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24 Jul 07 - 11:31 AM (#2110116) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,meself Infidelity? Who's been talking about infidelity? The OP seemed to be speculating on the possibility of marrying her boyfriend; others talked about marriage as opposed to common-law or dating relationships; then people got talking about what to call your SO; a couple of bitter and peculiar exchanges occurred - but infidelity? Did I miss something? Okay, it's coming back to me ... a couple of posters talked about someone they knew whose marriage(s) broke up, and infidelity had occurred ... Way up the thread somewhere ... |
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24 Jul 07 - 11:33 AM (#2110118) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Little Hawk That would be just awful! Despite having had 2 pathologically unfaithful partners in the past, I was lucky enough (or careful enough...using protection) to be spared that miserable experience. Amazingly enough, despite their promiscuity, I think the two people I'm speaking of managed not to catch anything. |
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24 Jul 07 - 11:55 AM (#2110140) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: katlaughing There's been plenty of talk of infidelity on here. I was lucky enough to never have caught anything from my ex's indiscretions and, thankfully, have had a monogamous partner since before HIV/AIDS came on the scene. I cannot imagine how angry and hurt I would feel if that were not the case and I caught something. My daughter trusted someone in her first sexual experience and got HPV for her naivete, before ti was widely known. As a result she lost most of her cervix to removal of pre-cancerous cells causing her to stay in bed for 19 weeks whilst pregnant with her twin sons. |
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24 Jul 07 - 12:22 PM (#2110165) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: JennyO I think GUEST,outside looking in might have had Diva's post in mind, for one. There is such an assortment of experiences represented here - ones that have been central to our lives, so it is not surprising that strong emotions are coming into some posts. What started out as a fairly straightforward question has brought forth all sorts of responses and touched some people's 'sore spots'. Some of us have a lot to be angry about. I haven't posted anything serious yet, probably because some of my experiences would make your hair stand on end, and they are way in the past, so I'm not sure if there is any point dragging things from the unpleasant past into the present. If the discussion goes that way, I may post part of it. If it gets lighthearted again, I'll go that way instead. I'm happy to go with the flow. We've gone from light-hearted to deadly serious and everywhere in between, and I still think there is the potential for much more that is worthwhile in this thread, if we can keep our cool and not get angry at each other. |
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24 Jul 07 - 12:33 PM (#2110173) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,meself You're making me mad. |
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24 Jul 07 - 12:34 PM (#2110174) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: JennyO I'm not sure if there is any point dragging things from the unpleasant past into the present I'm speaking for myself here, by the way - not meaning to criticise anyone else who has talked about the past, particularly when past events continue to have an impact, as in Katlaughing's story. I may yet do the same, depending on how the conversation goes and how I'm feeling at the time. |
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24 Jul 07 - 12:44 PM (#2110182) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Little Hawk "if we can keep our cool and not get angry at each other" Yup. That is the key to all of these threads, JennyO. It's a tricky business, and it's very easy to get hijacked. |
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24 Jul 07 - 12:46 PM (#2110184) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,meself Okay, I take it back - I mean, I'm still mad and everything - but looking back a couple of days, I see there WAS some discussion of infidelity. I guess I'm just so twenty-first century and so wired and everything that I don't remember anything past five minutes ago, so - um, what were we talking about? |
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24 Jul 07 - 01:38 PM (#2110224) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: SINSULL Another cousin (I have a huge extended family) died a few years ago from cancer of the cervix brought on by a sexually transmitted virus. She had had one husband and was monogamous. Turned out he wasn't. I was as angry at her as I was at him over this one. A simple PAP test would have caught it early and saved her life. Insttead she died a horrible painful death and left behind a retarded son who thrived under her love and care but regressed without her. Still another cousin left an abusive husband too late. He murdered her and her date with an ice pick and set their bodies on fire. A few weeks later he was shot to death but no one was ever accused. Her child was left in the care of her father's family - a strange bunch at best. So - if you have found a true and loving partner, treasure him or her. If you are in an abusive relationship, get out. If your relationship is over, have the decency to be honest about it and not risk anyone else's health. Lecture over, Auntie SINS |
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24 Jul 07 - 04:07 PM (#2110340) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: katlaughing {{{Sins}}} That would be enough to put anyone off having an SO! |
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25 Jul 07 - 05:33 AM (#2110724) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Diva Having read Jenny O's post......while Allan and I are still legally married to other people....the missing premise is we met one another long after our official relationships had ended |
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25 Jul 07 - 07:02 AM (#2110744) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: JennyO Diva, I hope you didn't think I was being judgmental about you or what you wrote. I was just having a guess as to why GUEST,outside looking in said "all this talk of infidelity and choices etc". Everybody has their own story and only they know why they have done what they have done and made the choices they have made. Sometimes they turn out to be the right choices and sometimes they turn out to be the wrong ones - that's life. You try to do the best you can with what life hands you. |
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25 Jul 07 - 11:17 AM (#2110963) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: SINSULL Same here, Diva. No implied criticism. In fact, from what you have said, both you and your husband were up front with each other about where your relationship was going. I am genuinely sorry that my comments came across as criticism. Mary |
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25 Jul 07 - 08:05 PM (#2111372) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,In thanks for the prompt Prompted by "Outsiders" post and being in a somewhat similar situation and not having had intimate contact with anyone except my spouse for more than 4 years. I went to my local GUI clinic today and I have to say my experience was quite different from Outsiders. The Staff were sympathetic and discreet and very supportive, You don't even give your name out loud, but are given a number and a form to fill and when they call you they only use your first name. They did everything they could to put me at ease and to minimize the stress of the situation and They will text the results to my mobile so I don't even have to go back unless they find something that needs treatment. so, many Thanks for the Prompt, outsider |
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25 Jul 07 - 09:14 PM (#2111411) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,meself Good luck, GUEST, In, etc. |
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25 Jul 07 - 09:19 PM (#2111416) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: TRUBRIT Oh Sinsull -- my goodness - what a story. |
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25 Jul 07 - 09:56 PM (#2111442) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: SINSULL Horrible - I heard of her death on the radio. I was at work at the time. Strange business, She and I grew up together. |
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25 Jul 07 - 10:13 PM (#2111455) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: SINSULL Outsider and In Thanks, You must not be in the US. Here you can get an HIV test done in your doctor's office. Private and quick. Sorry you have to endure the humiliation but better safe than sorry. SINS |
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25 Jul 07 - 10:22 PM (#2111459) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: katlaughing No kidding! That's what I was thinking, Sins. (Doesn'tr eally matter, but I had the impression "outsider" was in the States?) Seems strange, though I suppose folks here who do not have a doctor probably do have to go to a clinic. I would hope the clinic people would be sensitive about it; I know Planned Parenthood folks would be. Thanks to both of you, guests, for posting of your experiences. Good luck! |
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25 Jul 07 - 10:50 PM (#2111469) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Amergin I wouldn't want to wish marriage on my worst enemy. |
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25 Jul 07 - 11:42 PM (#2111495) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: TRUBRIT Depends on your experience perhaps. Marriage can be wonderful -- and so, of course, can the alternative. |
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26 Jul 07 - 12:45 AM (#2111505) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Little Hawk Heh! Well, I wouldn't wish some of the marriages I've seen on my worst enemy...that's for sure. But it all depends. I've seen a few marriages that were quite inspiring. |
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26 Jul 07 - 11:01 AM (#2111801) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: SINSULL And the inspiring one are the result of hard work. It doesn't just happen. Lots of give and take. Sometimes one side has to accept all the responsibility for keeping the relationship on track. Children can be a joy and a terrible burden. Financial setbacks and illness take a toll. Inlaws interfere. Work interferes. The bad stuff either brings you closer together or forces you apart. |
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26 Jul 07 - 11:45 AM (#2111834) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Little Hawk You're absolutly right. Hard work and a lot of character. |
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26 Jul 07 - 11:50 AM (#2111842) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Wilfried Schaum From boyfriend to husband: 72 days. 28th anniversary to celebrate in 13 days. |
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26 Jul 07 - 11:51 AM (#2111843) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo I have just found out that my new man does not like folk music,what do i do now?. Scooby |
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26 Jul 07 - 11:55 AM (#2111846) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Amos Make him change his mind! :D A |
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26 Jul 07 - 11:58 AM (#2111848) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo Thanks Amos,i will have too have a go. . Scooby |
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26 Jul 07 - 12:03 PM (#2111850) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: JennyO Scooby Doo, does he like any music? Folk music is so varied, there is probably some he hasn't heard and might like - if he has some interest in music. If they have a passion for any kind of music, you have something to work with. The problem comes, I find, when music isn't important to them at all. I remember one guy I met years ago - at some stage I asked him what kind of music he liked and he thought about it a bit and said "Oh, middle of the road". Which turned out to mean that music wasn't important to him. It was a relationship which didn't last long - that was one of the many ways in which we weren't compatible. |
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26 Jul 07 - 12:33 PM (#2111878) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne Yeah, similar experience. My ex wasn't interested in music, nor did he have any desire to go to folk festivals despite being a morris man. So, since I couldn't possibly miss Sidmouth, I used to go without him.......and met my current husband. Scooby doo will remember all this! She was there! Love Lynne |
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26 Jul 07 - 12:42 PM (#2111888) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo JennyO, He likes heavy rock music.I also think he is a mummies boy as he is 48, he lives with his mother in his house and i think she is scared to loose him,so she will tell me anything to go away. My first marriage to Miskin Man was similar i liked pop and he was the opposite so i will keeep my fingers crossed that i can change him. Thanks for your advice. Yasmin. |
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26 Jul 07 - 12:44 PM (#2111892) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo Lynne, I remember it well.I am so pleased you married Ted in the end.What is Dove Dave doing now?. Yas |
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26 Jul 07 - 01:41 PM (#2111943) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: MBSLynne Happily married...to someone he met at a folk festival! This year will be his first not going to Sidmouth in 28 years. Love Lynne |
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26 Jul 07 - 02:15 PM (#2111977) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo Well i never.Good Luck to them both.Pass on my regards to them both. Thanks Lynne. Yas. |
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26 Jul 07 - 03:14 PM (#2111999) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: GUEST,meself "i will keeep my fingers crossed that i can change him" Always a helpful attitude to bring into a relationship ... |
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27 Jul 07 - 02:48 AM (#2112359) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: JennyO I like to think of it not so much as "changing" him, rather - opening him up to a whole new world of experiences ;-) Seriously though, people can have their horizons broadened with things they didn't know existed - if they have an open mind and a willingness to try new things. If they don't, then that is a problem - one you can't do much about. |
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27 Jul 07 - 09:31 AM (#2112568) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: SINSULL And it can be healthy to have separate interests. There is lfe outside of folk music. |
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27 Jul 07 - 09:38 AM (#2112574) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Scooby Doo Your all right.Its healthy to have seperate interests,i thought he would be involved in my interests.I will have to except his interests too. Yas. |
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27 Jul 07 - 10:48 AM (#2112645) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Midchuck i will keeep my fingers crossed that i can change him. Where was it I read the statement that "Women marry men, thinking they'll change, and they don't. Men marry women thinking they won't change, and they do."? Peter |
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27 Jul 07 - 01:14 PM (#2112755) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: Little Hawk LOL! There's a lot of truth in that. |
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27 Jul 07 - 08:02 PM (#2113023) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: SINSULL Peter, I believe you may be joining Kendall in the cellar. SINS |
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27 Jul 07 - 10:19 PM (#2113081) Subject: RE: BS: Boyfriend or husband From: jacqui.c Very true saying - seen it happen too many times. |