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27 Oct 07 - 05:57 PM (#2180632) Subject: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Dave the Gnome ...but then again. I was on the bus coming back from the pub tonight. Obviously a few beers under my belt. With another 'catter who shall remain blameless. (He got a taxi!) The crowd were young and on their way to Manchester for a night out in the clubs. I was sat next to an old guy who was minding his own business, as I was, when a young female 'clubber' decided that me or my neighbour were to be a source of amusement. "Ooooh look. That old guy keeps staring at me." Quoth she. Neither of us took her up on it. Two or three giggles later I left the bus. As I past her she shouted "What are you staring at then?" I responded "I don't think I have ever seen such an ugly bird." Her peers fell about laughing and as I glanced though the window, as the bus drew away, the look on her face was as hurt as ever I have seen anyone. I feel she deserved it but, after all, she was only in her teens. I can't help but wonder if I did her any harm. Or if I care! Comments? D. |
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27 Oct 07 - 06:01 PM (#2180634) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: kendall And was she ugly? I sometimes say things that I wish I hadn't said, but nothing that I didn't mean. |
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27 Oct 07 - 06:01 PM (#2180635) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Becca72 I would say if she can't take it, she shouldn't dish it out, personally. |
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27 Oct 07 - 06:05 PM (#2180636) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Dave the Gnome Dunno if she was or not, K. I can't say I realy got a good luck. I doubt it though - no-one is realy that ugly. Except in character maybe... D. |
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27 Oct 07 - 06:53 PM (#2180653) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Richard Bridge Yes, some time ago my daughter introduced me to some just-ex-university friends of hers, and one she introduced as "This is Chris, he's a quantity surveyor" - and quite without thinking I said (it was being a jolly night) "Oh, that explains the haircut then". What I meant was that that was why he had short hair not student hair, but I was subsequently told I caused him major heartache. |
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27 Oct 07 - 06:56 PM (#2180654) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Richard Bridge Then of course there was (when I was at university, long, long ago) the girl I was going out with who did have a vicious turn of phrase. At a bus-stop she chose to remonstrate with the parent of a small boy who had been pushing with the phrase "Keep him away from my arse until he's old enough to appreciate it". |
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27 Oct 07 - 06:56 PM (#2180655) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: GUEST,rock chick Sometimes we all say things we really regret, even if they are true, or we think they are. When we say hurtful things to another person, and if we are caring people, we only end up hurting ourselves as well, so maybe we should think first. Even if she wasn't that good looking she may have been a very nice person and was just a bit worse for wear with the drink on a girly night out! |
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27 Oct 07 - 07:17 PM (#2180665) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: gnu No need to be ill mannered, drink or no. |
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27 Oct 07 - 07:26 PM (#2180668) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Bobert Well, okay... You did resond "in kind", meaning that your response was on the level of her question... As for judegement??? Hey, don't be so hard on yourself... It was the heat of the moment... Her behavior wasn't all that great either... As for myself, I have learned that "When in doubt with the womenz, flatter them"... Even if they haven't done anything to deserve it... I probably would have said something like, "How could I help from starring??? I thought you were ____________ (fill in your own well known hottie movie star of model)... But that's just me... If she indeed was ugly enought to make a freighttrain jump tracks and take a dirt road I might have said exactly what you said... No matter... Let it go.... Bobert |
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27 Oct 07 - 07:28 PM (#2180670) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: KT She obviously has some growing up to do. I suspect that as she matures a bit, she'll look back on her own behavior and feel worse about that than the remark she received in turn. I think rock chick is right when she says "we only end up hurting ourselves." I can recall only two times in my life when I deliberately said something with the intention of hurting someone. Both were in response to a nasty thing they had said to me and I wanted to get even. I immediately regretted saying them and I've no doubt it was more painful for me than it was for them. I was eight years old at the time. |
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27 Oct 07 - 07:28 PM (#2180671) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: GUEST,Slag When someone asks a question such as her's, they should be ready for ANY answer. No harm to the healthy, perhaps educational to the young. |
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27 Oct 07 - 08:12 PM (#2180697) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: gnu "What are you staring at then?" Not much, darlin. |
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27 Oct 07 - 10:15 PM (#2180756) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Peace '"What are you staring at then?"' My dear, I got drunk once and shagged a ferret. I was wondering if you might be my daughter . . . . |
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27 Oct 07 - 10:21 PM (#2180759) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Rapparee That mole on your neck...I'm an oncologist and I think that it's cancerous. |
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28 Oct 07 - 12:17 AM (#2180791) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Stilly River Sage Western teens think the world revolves around them. I don't know if this can be said of teenagers in radically different cultures, but in the Western world they have been pampered enough by their families to be encouraged to think that. There are always going to be points along the way when they learn hard lessons--that they aren't god's gift to the world. I suspect she had reached that tipping point in her education and if you hadn't responded that way them someone else probably would have. I've been seeing it quite a lot lately with my 19-year-old. It's painful to watch, but they need to snap out of it. SRS |
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28 Oct 07 - 04:33 AM (#2180847) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Richard Bridge Actually, the girl's remark, particularly at the present stage of English "civilisation" could well have had very nasty repercussions. The accusation that an "old" man is staring at a "young" girl carries the baggage of our current obsession with paedophilia, and there are plenty of wannabee vigilates ready to "teach an old perv a lesson". Also there are plenty of "happy slappers" ready to take up the implicit invitation. What she said could have put Dave Polshaw in very serious danger. She badly needed a lesson. |
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28 Oct 07 - 05:46 AM (#2180867) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Dave the Gnome Thanks all - Slept on it now and although I may have overeacted I think, in the main, she did get what she deserved. She was obviously having a laugh at my expense and didn't expect someone to pay her in kind. I hadn't thought of it from Richards point of view above - It does seriously frighten me when you think that things can get that out of hand. I think in future I will stick to not having a battle of wits with the unarmed! Cheers Dave |
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28 Oct 07 - 05:50 PM (#2181228) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Ebbie Wait a minute- you mean, someone might mistake an interest in a 19-year-old for paedophilia? That's kind of silly, isn't it? Dirty old man, maybe- but that's a far cry from child molestation. |
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28 Oct 07 - 05:56 PM (#2181231) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Waddon Pete Maybe the best response to "wot you starin' at? Is "Dunno...the label's fallen off! Best wishes, Peter |
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28 Oct 07 - 05:58 PM (#2181232) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Little Hawk Ah, well...these things happen. You should hear some of the remarks Chongo gets from people, and he is never shy to answer them back in kind. Most teenage girls, though, are pretty insecure already about their appearance and popularity, so I'm not surprised your remark threw her for a bit of a loop. |
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28 Oct 07 - 05:58 PM (#2181233) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Amos Geese, I hope so!!! A |
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28 Oct 07 - 06:00 PM (#2181235) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: GUEST,Regular member. I had a situation years back when two teenagers about my age said something rude to my mother. I expect the kids thought she was alone and I was just another guy waiting for the bus. In those days I carried a chain in my back pocket for reasons no one needs to hear. However, I took offense to what they said to my mother (who would have been in her mid forties at the time and I proceeded to beat the shit out of both guys with a little help from my back-pocket friend). They left after a few hits with fist and metal. I think the rude little twit got off easy. Please don't worry about it, Dave. The scene from about 35 years ago doesn't bother me one bit. It didn't then and it doesn't now. My mother made me throw the chain away and she gave me a talking to. I did as she told me, but I still don't feel bad for any of it. There are people who would have shot them. I figure they got off real lucky. |
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28 Oct 07 - 06:09 PM (#2181244) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Bonnie Shaljean Now that she knows what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a rude comment publicly made, maybe she'll think twice about dishing them out next time. Most teenagers are pretty resilient, and have a lot to learn. You're unlikely to have done any harm. |
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28 Oct 07 - 06:11 PM (#2181245) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: mg I guess I missed if she was 19 or not..but how would you know. I would not engage with a teenager at all period if I was a man especially..they can make up stuff, have their friends confirm it etc. I would talk to the bus driver and maybe change seats, although then of course she won if she was game playing...but perhaps if enough people report bad behavior, the bus drivers will get wise to certain of their passengers. Try not to sit next to a teenage girl...I am of the school that thinks men should sit next to men and women next to women and I am aggravated when a man sits next to me when there are vacant seats next to men...same goes with airplane seats. There is more proximity there than I would expect on my honeymoon... Behavior on buses, especially by teens, is sometimes intolerable. Sometimes also it is abuse of the elderly, child abuse if they have to listen to awful stuff, and definitely often sexual harassment if people are forced to listen to graphic descriptions of their fun times. Make careful notes. Send to the bus company. A lot of drivers do not want to be involved..can't say I blame them. mg |
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28 Oct 07 - 06:35 PM (#2181258) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Jean(eanjay) I might have been tempted to ignore the teenager on the bus (I work with them and know what they are like!). She probably just wanted people to look at her. I certainly would not ever have ignored anybody who said anything rude to my mother. It certainly isn't worth losing any sleep over. |
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28 Oct 07 - 06:45 PM (#2181265) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Jean(eanjay) I work with them and know what they are like!. Should have said "and know what some of them can be like!". |
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28 Oct 07 - 06:46 PM (#2181269) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Ebbie I see that 19 wasn't mentioned; I must have got it from that other thread. However: "...a young female 'clubber' decided that me or my neighbour were to be a source of amusement" implies someone old enough to probably be over 13 years of age, let's say. At least, far beyond the age of paedephilia. Maybe because I grew up with four brothers as well as four sisters, I don't have much of a male-female divide in my head. I have heard people object to 'unisex' restrooms and I don't understand it- in your own home, don't both sexes use your bathroom? I've been told that in public restrooms women leave much bigger messes than men do (with good reason, I understand- Women utilize items that men don't.) |
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28 Oct 07 - 07:54 PM (#2181321) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: mg thread drift if not absolute abandonment..but there are safety reasons not to mix women and men bathrooms..apart from the disgust factor which runs both ways. Do you want your 8 year old daughter or granddaughter having to use the bathroom after a creepy man? Or have him waiting in line after her, perhaps imagining things. And if either men or women can use a bathroom, why not both at the same time for other purposes, including shooting up drugs etc....There are huge creepiness factors for me and men who I allow in my house are more selected by me as to disease status, creepiness status etc. than ones I would use the Greyhound bus bathroom after. But I still in my own house don't like sharing bathrooms with men but I have no choice, but don't have frequent visitors...Now, there still are problems iwth all male bathrooms, and many concern unaccompanied children. What probably is the best solution is to have one smaller men's room, one smaller women's, and one that can be used by people in wheelchairs, parents with children, transgendered people and those wishing to have sex or shoot up drugs in public places. You haven't eliminated the problem but you have diverted it for a lot of people..best I can come up with right now but perhaps there are better solutions. |
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28 Oct 07 - 08:05 PM (#2181333) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Little Hawk We had unisex bathrooms in my university residence (which was also unisex, naturally) and it caused no problems whatsoever between the male and female students. If it worked there, it can work in many other places, I should think. A lot of these "problems" exist mainly just as a problem in someone's mind...and their mind is shaped wholly by their cultural expectations...and their family background. I've met people who insisted that a bathroom door in a private residence must be closed when you exit the washroom because it's rude to leave a washroom door open...I've met others who insist that it must be left open when you exit in order to indicate to others that the washroom is now "free". They are both "crazy" from the other's point of view. ;-) Ebbie, I applaud your thinking on this matter! |
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28 Oct 07 - 08:10 PM (#2181339) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: JohnInKansas Somewhere I think I've heard a rule about initiating a battle of wits without a proper weapon ... While perhaps a bit rude, no worse than her instigation. While matching another's rudeness is not too "civilized," I wouldn't waste lamentations over any possible harm. The worst that can happen is that at your next chance encounter (which might happen if you both frequent the same bus, or even just the same neighborhood?) she'll have thought of what her reply should have been. (Which is unlikely to be more clever than the beginnings of the tale.) John |
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28 Oct 07 - 08:55 PM (#2181364) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Ebbie I rarely use a restroom in an airplane but if the trip were long enough I certainly would. And it wouldn't occur to me to wonder if it was a man or a woman who last used it... Now back to the original thought- in my opinion if a person is quick witted enough to fire back an appropriate reply, as Dave Polshaw did, it's all to the good. Better a laugh from her companions at her expense than to be uncomfortably aware that she was rude. Because you em>know that, whether or not they spoke up, they were are aware of it and thought less of her for it. |
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29 Oct 07 - 12:59 AM (#2181510) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: GUEST,dianavan Well - I'm glad I'm not the only one fed up with rude teen-agers on busses. You were mild mannered, Dave. You should hear me when a kid is sitting in the elderly or handicapped seats. At the top of my voice I ask, "Are you handicapped?" They can hardly get up fast enough. As to your encounter... I'd say you did the right thing. She was trying to humiliate an elder. You showed her (and yourself)that you were wiser and more deserving of respect. At least you walked away with your self-respect intact. |
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29 Oct 07 - 05:37 AM (#2181591) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: folk1e You showed her (and yourself)that you were wiser and more deserving of respect That is the question isn't it! I am not sure of the answer ..... but it IS fun isn't it |
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29 Oct 07 - 07:34 AM (#2181651) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: The PA During a long meeting with people from our Cape Town office, my boss asked if I could do some coffees. I duly took the order and read back to check what they wanted, 3 coffees, one with milk and two without. "So that was two blacks and a white" Yep sure enough, as I looked around the room - two black south africans and a white south african (not sure what the proper terms are). Luckily everyone saw the funny side - thank god. |
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29 Oct 07 - 10:24 PM (#2182375) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Celtaddict dianavan, I am a bit concerned about two items: If one accepts that the girl was rude, and I certainly do, then responding in a similarly rude way does not, to me, indicate that one is 'wiser and deserving of respect.' To me it seems that, no matter the provocation, one has sunk to the level of the rude girl. And I am concerned that one day someone will ask some young person 'Are you handicapped?' in a forceful way, and the appropriate answer will be 'yes' due to something not immediately obvious, and both parties will be embarrassed. Much as I deplore some behaviors, including taking the 'saved' seats without need, and the extreme rudeness of the girl in the original post, it does not seem likely that anyone's manners will actually be improved by such responses; they seem to me to add to the total unpleasantness in the world. I suspect sudden temporary deafness is more useful. I do admire an answer that is neutral and amusing but not rude, such as "I don't know, the label's fallen off," but many of us are not able to come up with that sort of response on short notice. |
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29 Oct 07 - 11:04 PM (#2182399) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Rowan Having been in the same situation as Dave the only response I've been able to think of on the spur of the moment was "I'm not sure." If I had been able to think more quickly, I might have said "Someone who is not behaving well." But I didn't. But then, I am the sort of person who, when faced with a toddler having a temper tantrum at its mother, won't give the mother the usual look of disdain that says "Look at her; she can't control her kid!" Instead, I'll fix the toddler with a look and ask "Are you trying to embarrass your mum?" Every time, it stops them in their tracks and causes them to seek Mum's protection from this bearded stranger. And wipes the superior looks from the faces of the disdaining onlookers. Cheers, Rowan |
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30 Oct 07 - 08:34 AM (#2182556) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Cats I was in a supermarket at the very start of the summer holidays and there was child having a fullblown temper tantrum. His mother was shouting at him to be quiet and said in a very loud voice words to the effect of 'why do bloody teachers have to have such long holidays. It means I have to look after you!' To which I very quickly replied, 'We have long holidays because we are looking after your child all day and trying to educate him and if you didn't want to look after him you shouldn't have had him in the first place.' There was deathly hush all around me, including the little boy, and I thought I was about to be escorted from the supermarket but a voice said 'well said there' and I got a round of applause! |
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30 Oct 07 - 08:08 PM (#2183073) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Rowan Nicely put, Cats. Cheers, Rowan |
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30 Oct 07 - 08:35 PM (#2183096) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: McGrath of Harlow Myself I'd think it best to button my lip in these circumstances. But I wouldn't feel guilty if something I said made the young lady feel hurt. ................................ At the top of my voice I ask, "Are you handicapped?" The trouble is, dianavan, how can you be so sure the person in the seat isn't handicapped? Actually, I can never understand the idea of special seats for old or disabled people - they are entitled to priority in every seat. ................ "...someone old enough to probably be over 13 years of age, let's say. At least, far beyond the age of paedophilia." So how young does a child have to be for it to count as as paediphilia, Ebbie? |
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30 Oct 07 - 08:48 PM (#2183105) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: GUEST,dianavan "And I am concerned that one day someone will ask some young person 'Are you handicapped?' in a forceful way, and the appropriate answer will be 'yes' due to something not immediately obvious, and both parties will be embarrassed." - Celtaddict It doesn't have to be said forcefully. I simply ask the question. Its obvious when they jump up and offer the seat that they are not disabled. The bus drivers do not enforce the policy although the signs are clearly posted. Of course, I could also ask them if they know how to read but that seems rude to me. If the person is disabled, they only need to answer in the affirmative. I'd reply, "Well you are most welcome to that seat then. Just makin' sure that people who need a seat, get a seat." It has never happened. When young people are out in public, they don't always behave according to parental expectations. A reminder that courtesy is expected by most of society is better than ignoring it. Unpleasant, social behaviour will continue until the individual knows that it is frowned upon. |
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30 Oct 07 - 08:57 PM (#2183109) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: McGrath of Harlow "At the top of my voice" sounds pretty forceful to me. As does "You should hear me..." Disabled people come in all ages and appearances. And bad mannered passengers who don't give up their seats - any seat - to people who need them more than they do come in all ages and appearances as well. |
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30 Oct 07 - 09:30 PM (#2183127) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Nick E And if you had substituted "Beautiful" for "Ugly" where would you be? I think it ironic that it was an ex- wife who told me about this French phrase that translates to "Stairway Talk" and the fact that one thinks of the right thing to say as we walk away and down the stairs, away from the moment they would have been useful. |
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30 Oct 07 - 09:37 PM (#2183132) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: McGrath of Harlow ...this French phrase that translates to "Stairway Talk" - "l'esprit d'escalier". I always like the (possibly apocryphal) tale of Oscar Wilde hearing a clever remark and saying "I wish I'd said that", to which his companion responded "You will, Oscar, you will!" |
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31 Oct 07 - 12:08 AM (#2183211) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: GUEST,dianavan O.K., so it wasn't at "the top of my voice." Its more like I said it clearly and directly. And yes, when you're packed into a bus like sardines, other people can hear. After I speak to the rude youngster, someone will invariably say, "I was just about to say something myself" or "I'm glad you spoke up." I take the same bus every morning. The kids on that bus know that I don't let them get away with being rude. Its amazing how kids respond when you let them know what your expectations are. As long as we allow them to be rude, they will be rude. I have never had any of them challenge me. In fact, they usually apologize. I don't think they even realize that elderly people are standing. Most of the time they are listening to music or lost in their thoughts. Their heads are in the clouds. As to the girl in the opening post. Her remark was intentional. I would be very careful about provoking a kid who is obviously trying to impress her friends. You never know how far they will go. I'm just glad you had enough courage to talk back. |
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31 Oct 07 - 01:13 AM (#2183236) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Donuel I told the woman "there is no reason for you to pretend to be stupid" After all was said and done, she was not pretending. |
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31 Oct 07 - 07:46 AM (#2183348) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: McGrath of Harlow "...I don't think they even realize that elderly people are standing." It isn't just kids who are like that. If anything it's people in their 20s and 30s who are worst. Actually I get the impression, as someone who doesn't get up to London that often, that things seem to be getting better in the London Tube more recently - there are a lot more young people around from overseas with a bit more awareness of this kind of thing. It'd be good to feel it might rub off on the natives, but perhaps that's too much to hope |
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31 Oct 07 - 01:54 PM (#2183616) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Peace I am 60 years old although I really don't feel that old. I have an artificial hip. I still give my seat to people who need it more than I do or just should have it (because I am not a barbarian). That means women who are past their teens, men who look like they've had a bad day or a hard day, people with physical or mental difficulties, and on occasion younger people who have arms filled with books, etc. It is not a natural act. I learned it from my mom, grandmom and grandfather. When I was five. With a few reminders over the years. Mostly of the 'gentle slap to the skull' variety of reminder. I am disgusted to see healthy people with their arses parked in seats when older folks are left to hang onto bus or subway straps. I can't do anything about them, but I sure as hell can about me. And I do. |
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31 Oct 07 - 02:29 PM (#2183636) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Midchuck I am 60 years old although I really don't feel that old. I have an artificial hip. I still give my seat to people who need it more than I do or just should have it (because I am not a barbarian). That means women who are past their teens... Huh? You're saying that a man 60 with an artificial hip should give up his seat to a woman, even in her twenties or thirties, and not pregnant or handicapped? I call that blatant sexism! Peter. |
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31 Oct 07 - 02:42 PM (#2183640) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Jean(eanjay) It didn't used to be called sexism, it used to be called good manners - things have changed. |
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31 Oct 07 - 02:43 PM (#2183641) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: McGrath of Harlow Pregnant women don't look pregnant in the first three months, which is when they are most likely to lose the baby. Better safe than sorry. After all, there's no obligation to take the seat. Of course the person standing up ought to be someone younger than Peace, but that's another matter. |
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31 Oct 07 - 02:47 PM (#2183644) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Jean(eanjay) Of course the person standing up ought to be someone younger than Peace, but that's another matter. Definitely, and you would hope in those circumstances that someone younger would offer even if they are "shamed" into it by someone like Peace offering. |
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31 Oct 07 - 02:48 PM (#2183645) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Peace "I call that blatant sexism!" Well, be assured that because of your erudite and considered post I will change the bad habits of a lifetime. Thank you so much. |
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31 Oct 07 - 03:07 PM (#2183656) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Micca Dave tG I think old Shakespeare summed up how I feel about your response " To be or not to be, That is the question whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or take up arms against a sea of troubles and by so opposing end them" Shakespeare, Hamlet If young teenagers (or anyone ,for that matter)are allowed ,unopposed , to be gratuitously rude to anyone as a means of showing off how "clever" they are how will they ever learn where the boundaries are? "If not You, Whom?, If Not Now When?, |
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31 Oct 07 - 03:10 PM (#2183657) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Peace To drift just a bit . . . . One day I was seated on the bus when a youngish gal of about 25-ish stood near where I was seated. Her face was a bit damp and red. She was breathing louder than yer average person. I asked if she was OK. She said yes, but then said, "Would you give a pregnant girl your seat?" I stood immediately and she sat down. However, I then noticed no sign (protruding belly) one generally associates with that condition. So, I said, "Pardon me for being so forward, but how long have you been pregnant?" She replied, "About 15 minutes, and man, am I tired." |
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31 Oct 07 - 03:15 PM (#2183662) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Big Al Whittle on the original question sounds to me like you did alright. they might have been vicious psychopaths who beat the shit out of you. vicious psychotics tend to lack a sense of humour about these things. in which case everyone would have felt very sorry for you, but that's not much use in a hospital bed. I always feel the best course of action is to slink away. Mind you, its not foolproof. |
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31 Oct 07 - 05:55 PM (#2183781) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Rowan WLD, that's one reason why I used the "I'm not sure" response. It's a (relatively) nonthreatening 'question' and I've often noticed that responding to a question with another (especially if it is not a "predictable" response) causes the instigator to 'check their stride' so to speak and actually think about their next step. Not always successful but I've not yet come a cropper with it. Peace, I too was brought up to exhibit what were regarded as the norms of civilised behaviour, mostly by my mum but most of the adults around me shared similar attitudes. You stood up for adults of either sex and gave them your seat. As an adult you did ditto for women, opened doors for them, walked on the outside of footpaths, helped them up into and down from trams. I remember as a young adult giving up my seat for a women about my own age and the seat was promptly sat in by a callow youth; I had no hesitation about helping him up (by the earlobe) with the comment that the seat had been intended for another. Much of that got beaten out of me by close proximity to radical feminists but the oldest habits die hardest and I still open doors for people. Cheers, Rowan |
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31 Oct 07 - 07:34 PM (#2183844) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Big Al Whittle to quote another bit of Shakespeare (Dick 3 - I believe):- Weigh it with the coarse manners of the age...... Every day some poor bastard who interrupts the local hoodlums in the course of their nefarious activties ends up in a coma, or dead. I speak from experience when I tell you the professionals are very very good, and they do not work from 'gut instict of what's right and wrong', but rather from the point of view of knowing what they can accomplish within the framework of the law. Don't mix it with the assholes - they have chosen the field of battle, and thus you have conceded them an important advantage by tangling with them. No experienced general would concede that much. |
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31 Oct 07 - 08:01 PM (#2183865) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: GUEST,dianavan I'm a radical feminist but I appreciate it when a man offers me his seat or opens a door or allows me to go first. Radical feminism has more to do with politics than manners. Being a radical feminist does not mean you hate men. |
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31 Oct 07 - 08:55 PM (#2183899) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Rowan Dianavan, it may be that you're a polite radical feminist. Although I have a Y chromosome to bear. I like to think of myself as having some of the attributes of a radical feminist but the ones I was dealing with in the 70s thought I needed a bit of reconstruction; perhaps they were right. But I've usually tried to be polite, as smiles usually get you a lot further than scowls. Cheers, Rowan |
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01 Nov 07 - 03:14 AM (#2184041) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: JennieG Dianavan, I have met Rowan....and a nicer gentleman one couldn't hope to find. What's the old expression - "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar". Cheers JennieG |
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01 Nov 07 - 03:50 AM (#2184049) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: freda underhill Well, you said it openly and in your own name Dave. I'm still regretting going troll for a day a year and a half ago, and something I said then, not in my own name. The person in question has been very gracious about it, but I still feel lousy. freda |
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01 Nov 07 - 11:38 AM (#2184289) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Mrrzy Closer to Stairway WIT - fyi. Rude is rude, hurt is hurt, and you probably did that one a favor, as she probably could use the reminder that other people's feelings can get hurt by her words. Wouldn't have been hurt otherwise... And who said growing up was supposed to be painless? Probably the same fool who thinks school should be fun... |
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01 Nov 07 - 12:00 PM (#2184313) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Little Hawk Yeah? Well I think school should be fun. So there! (smile) Why do I say it? Because I've seen that school can be fun...I had a tiny handful of truly GREAT teachers amongst the dross of their colleagues in my years at school, and they knew how to make school fun, exciting, interesting, and thoroughly enjoyable...and that resulted in their students learning much more than was usually the case. Furthermore, I remember what a powerful thirst I had for learning when I was young...and how that thirst was dulled and damaged by mediocre school systems and mediocre...or in some cases downright incompetent teachers. Schools that were run properly and wisely would be fun. Most schools are a mere shadow of what they could be as institutions of learning. |
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01 Nov 07 - 12:02 PM (#2184317) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Little Hawk I would never say, though, that growing up should be painless...just a bit less painful than it often is. |
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01 Nov 07 - 12:41 PM (#2184352) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Art Thieme ugly bird I had an ugly parrot that fell off his perch all the time. We used Polly Grip! Art |
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01 Nov 07 - 01:52 PM (#2184408) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Midchuck I'm willing to acknowledge that women are fully the equals of men and entitled to every right and privilege that men are - provided that they're also subject to every duty and obligation that men are. I'm also willing to acknowledge that women are entitled to special or preferential treatment simply because of their sex - entirely aside from considerations of pregnancy, which are unique to them, as well as the same consideration for old age, illness, or handicap that any person should get. I'm just not willing to do both. I think they contradict one another. If that makes me a boor, then I'm a boor. I've been one for a long time, I can deal with it. Peter |
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01 Nov 07 - 01:54 PM (#2184409) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: GUEST,Neil D After yet another major news story where a bullied youth took out his frustrations violently, I had the profound thought that if only we were generally a lot nicer to each other the world would be a better place. Deep, huh? So I resolved that I should be nicer to strangers I come in contact with. (My wife is always giving me the elbow in the ribs or the kick under the table for being smarmy or sarcastic with people I deem pushy or ignorant or phony. The first time a cashier asked for my zip code on a cash purchase, instead of just saying none of your business I got flippant and said "Oh, just put down the zip code of this store, I'm sleeping in your parking lot." Before I even got out of the store I was accosted by a cop. I had to convince him that I did indeed have a home to go to. But I digress. Anyway I had just resolved to be nicer to people when the very next day, a particularly hectic one, I completely went off on some poor teenaged fast food employee. He had screwed up my order beyond all recognition and overcharged me on my bank card by $5.00. I knew from experience it would take ten days to correct and proceeded to get irate. The manager came to make things right and told me it was his first day and gave me cash back and a free drink (I think she probably just wanted to get the raving mad man away from her drve-thru window). By the time a different employee brought my food I had remembered my resolution from the previous day and somewhat sheepishly said "uh, tell the other dude I'm sorry if I made him feel like an asshole." In reality, I was the asshole. I have done a much better job of checking my tongue since then, but in a situation like the one described at the top of the thread I'd have responded: "Horseshit. Didn't know they piled it so high." |
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01 Nov 07 - 01:58 PM (#2184413) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Little Hawk I think you're on the right track there, Neil. The world would definitely be a happier place if most people decided to be nicer to other people, rather than dumping or venting on them. Darn right. |
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01 Nov 07 - 06:47 PM (#2184599) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Dave the Gnome Blimey - I didn't know this thread was still going! I have unleashed a monster;-) Interesting reading and lots of sense. Keep 'em coming I say. D. |
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01 Nov 07 - 08:54 PM (#2184672) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Bert I completely agree with your statemenet about schools Little Hawk. I found exactly the same thing. Only three really good teachers in all those years. Just look at the dull faces of kids as they are coming home from school. |
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01 Nov 07 - 09:29 PM (#2184704) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Peace "Just look at the dull faces of kids as they are coming home from school." Have a look at the faces when they're leaving home. The world has changed. |
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02 Nov 07 - 06:46 PM (#2185309) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Don Firth "What are you staring at then?" "Was I staring? Oh, sorry! But you see, you have a booger dangling out of yout nose." (Quickly step off bus.) Don Firth P. S. Leaves no permanent psychological scars. It just embarrasses her for her trying to embarrass you. |
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02 Nov 07 - 09:58 PM (#2185418) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Rowan Aahh, thanks JennieG. You flatter me and now I'm blushing. Cheers, Rowan |
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03 Nov 07 - 03:14 PM (#2185755) Subject: RE: BS: I shouldn't have said it... From: Richard Bridge One that very nearly got me knifed.... Pilled up illiterate with eyes like saucers..."You think you're better than me, don't you?" Me...."Yes". |