To Thread - Forum Home

The Mudcat Café TM
https://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=106280
34 messages

My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman

15 Nov 07 - 04:45 AM (#2194201)
Subject: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: Dick The Box

My husband is a refuse operative and he wears the requisite refuse operative's protective headgear as specified under current health and safety legislation. He wears hi-viz protective clothing on his lower body, and rents a simplex apartment in a multi-occupancy dwelling owned by the local housing authority. He resembles the fruit of plants of the genus musa by wearing size 14 slip-resistant protective footwear, and because he struggles to get them on in the morning he refers to them deprecatingly through the medium of horticultural cockney rhyming slang.

Almost certainly been done before but it kept me amused at work this morning making it up!

Any other songs that could benefit from similar reworking?


15 Nov 07 - 05:27 AM (#2194219)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: Bugsy

"Nice one Cyril"

Cheers


bugsy


15 Nov 07 - 06:25 AM (#2194245)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: MikeofNorthumbria

Does your low-calorie additive-free long-lasting comestible suffer deterioration in its oral stimulation factor when deposited on the upright supporting member of your sleeping facility during the nocturnal hours?

If your maternal parent forbids you to indulge in further mastication, do you allow this product to undergo an aesophagal transit as a gesture of hostility?

Can you secure it to either of the oval lymphoid tissues situated in your throat, and then propel it vigorously from side to side?

Does your low-calorie additive-free long-lasting comestible suffer deterioration in its oral stimulation factor when deposited on the upright supporting member of your sleeping facility during the nocturnal hours?

Wassail!


15 Nov 07 - 06:58 AM (#2194259)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: Dick The Box

Excellent!!!!!


15 Nov 07 - 08:39 AM (#2194318)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: Bryn Pugh

The Oldham Tinkers :

(dialect) : we're reet down int coal-hole wheer t muck slaps on t winders
We've used all eawr coal up and we're reet deawn to t cinders.
If t bum-bailiff ca's he wain't know wheer fot faind us
Fer we're reet deawn in t coal-hole wheer t muck slaps on t winders.

We are below, in the basement where dust accumulates on the casements. We have utilised what anthracite was at our disposal , and hence are reduced to the igneous residue. Were the landlord's representative to make social intercourse, we might prove difficult to locate, if not impossible ; for we are, as aforesaid, below, in the basement, where the dust, notwithstanding, accumulates on the casements.

I shall locate my outer wear


15 Nov 07 - 10:03 AM (#2194373)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: Mysha

Not to be a spoil-sport, but the first few words should not be interpreted separately as "paternal significant other half" and "in his later years", but rather be combined as "the legal partner of my maternal parent at the time of my birth, or person who has since acknowledge his parental obligations towards me".

                                                                  Mysha


16 Nov 07 - 06:40 AM (#2195174)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: MC Fat

That aurally, oraly and visually challenged pubescant male sure plays a game of skill with flippers and steel ball for enjoyment


16 Nov 07 - 07:21 AM (#2195196)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: redsnapper

"I am in accordance with your useful fellow craftman's suggestion" replied Frederick as he ascended the portable structure consisting of two long sides crossed by parallel rungs.

With the tool that he had consisting of a metal bar with a single curved end with flattened points, equipped with a small fissure on the curved end, he executed a impact of considerable kinetic energy.

At this juncture he found himself at some professional disadvantage as approximately 453.6 kilograms of waste building aggregates fell under gravity onto the apex of his parietal bone, close to the sagittal suture, being unprotected as it was by approved safety headwear made to the appropriate standard.

In the event Charles and myself retired from the workplace to the designated rest area and had a further infusion of the leaves of the plant Camellia sinensis (L.) before subsequently clocking off from the site and returning to our respective abodes.


17 Nov 07 - 08:19 AM (#2195869)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: MC Fat

I became acquainted with a dipsomaniac female regal imbiber of alcohol distilled from juniper berries in a hostelry licenced for the sale and consumption of alcohol in the state capital of Tennessee United States of America. She attempted to force me upstairs to her bedroom in order to have carnal knowledge with me


17 Nov 07 - 09:29 AM (#2195915)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: GUEST

Indicate the way to my abode
I am fatigued, and I wish to retire
I partook of a little alchohol about an hour ago
And it's gone right to my cranium
Wherever I may perambulate
On terra firma, H2O or atmospheric density
You will always find me chanting this melody
Indicate the way to my abode.


17 Nov 07 - 10:55 AM (#2195974)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: Flash Company

Guest..... I had it as:-

On earth, water or suspended water vapour,

FC


17 Nov 07 - 12:09 PM (#2196032)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: Micca

On the overland route to the last Royal capital of Burma
where the Parexocoetus brachypterus frolic
and rosy aurora rises like the sound of an atmospheric electric discharge
out of Cathay across the marine inlet


17 Nov 07 - 12:14 PM (#2196038)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: Micca

or there is of course
In a opening in a steep sided valley, pursuing delving operations for a source of ore
Lived a man whose profession this was and his female offspring Tangerine


17 Nov 07 - 12:24 PM (#2196047)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: katlaughing

LOVE THESE!!!


17 Nov 07 - 12:52 PM (#2196070)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: Ed02

Hi, Micca -- I sent you a Private Message -- did you recieve it?


17 Nov 07 - 05:26 PM (#2196230)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: Lester

At an unspecified location surmounting a meteorological manifestation of the prismatic effect in the form of an arc at a considerable distance in a vertical direction.
Is a significantly sizeable stretch of solid ground of which I had an imaginary experience whilst undergoing a period of somnolence .
On a singular occasion during a vocal musical rendition designed to encourage a state of nocturnal restorative unconsciousness in an infant.


17 Nov 07 - 08:08 PM (#2196358)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: GUEST,Flatpick

Just love this stuff, what a pleasure to find folks with a sound working of semantics (I got nuthin' against Jewish folks)...


23 Nov 07 - 01:13 PM (#2200792)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: Lester

What method shall we utilise for dealing with an inebriated mariner?[thrice]
Near the commencement of the period before twelve o'clock midday

THE FOLLOWING TO BE RENDERED VOCALLY AND MUSICALLY AT THE CONCLUSION OF THE FIRST AND EACH SUBSEQUENT VERSE:
//Vocalisation of celebration and jubilation and the female ascends[thrice]
Near the commencement of the period before twelve o'clock midday //

Consign him to a large nautical vessel which is launched from a larger nautical vessel there to await his recovery from over-indulging in alcohol [thrice]
Near the commencement of the period before twelve o'clock midday
/
//Vocalisation of celebration................//

Place him in an orifice on the nautical vessel's side through which liquids drain from the deck and spray him with H2O pumped through a flexible tube [thrice]
Near the commencement of the period before twelve o'clock midday

//Vocalisation of celebration.................//

Employ an oxidised metal blade for the purpose of removing superfluous thread-like strands of dead cells containing keratin from his abdomen[thrice]
Near the commencement of the period before twelve o'clock midday

//Vocalisation of celebration.................//

Place him on a piece of furniture designed to be retired to for the purpose of spending some hours in a voluntarily unconscious state, in the company of a female offspring of the commanding officer of the nautical vessel [thrice]
Near the commencement of the period before twelve o'clock midday

//Vocalisation of celebration..................//

These are the methods we intend to utilise for dealing with an inebriated mariner [thrice]
Near the commencement of the period before twelve o'clock midday

//Vocalisation of celebration..................//


23 Nov 07 - 10:05 PM (#2201083)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: GUEST

LOL, for the first time in many years of posting as ANON and Guest and other pseudonyms I wonder whether Tim Radford or anyone who is so old as us could tell me whether Charlie and Helen Cordingley are still around..?????


24 Nov 07 - 05:36 AM (#2201186)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: The Walrus

The F├╝hrer of the Nazi State is in a state of monotesticularity
The Head of the Luftwaffe has a matched pair, but of a greatly reduced size,
The Leader of the SS is in much the same state
While the empoverished and elderly Minister of Propaganda is effectively qualified to work in a Harem.


24 Nov 07 - 08:41 AM (#2201265)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: MikeofNorthumbria

Au revoir to the young lady who has been elected to represent the very best of America's oven-baked pastry-topped comestibles.

I directed my vintage Detroit-built automobile to the flood protection embankment, but found the aforementioned facility totally deficient in aqueous fluid.

And the elderly Southern gentlemen there assembled were consuming various distilled liquors, including both imported varieties (Caledonian or Hibernian?)* and locally produced options.

While chanting that this specific point in the calendar would be the occasion of their(or possibly my own?)* demise.

*ask Mr Maclean for further details

Wassail!


24 Nov 07 - 08:57 AM (#2201270)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: the button

Are your testicles in a state of pendulousness?
Are they in a state such that you are able to effect sideways linear motion?
Could they be used to either secure an object or piece of footwear?
Would they be appropriate, should one wish to masquerade as a member of Her Majesty's Forces?
Are your testicles in a state of pendulousness?


24 Nov 07 - 09:15 AM (#2201274)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: the button

Have you antique ferrous metal?
Have you antique ferrous metal?
Have you, have you, have you antique ferrous metal?
Your appearance is the epitomy of sartorial elegance,
Such as to promote gift-related discourse.
Your clothing is such that your appearance is impressive from your cranium, through to your lower extremities.
In the height of fashion, with recently-purchased headgear,
And neckwear inherited down the partilineal line.
However, I am uninterested in purchasing your timepiece, not even at a bargain price.
Antique ferrous metal.
Antique ferrous metal.


24 Nov 07 - 11:11 AM (#2201323)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: Lester

My elderly spouse iterated "Make pursuance of the light,enclosed-sided,commercial vehicle
And do not procrastinate and dawdle en route"
The afore-mentioned vehicle drove away with the contents of my domicile contained within
I made pursuance with my ageing male Carduelis Cannabina
I procrastinated and dawdled, dawdled and procrastinated
Became disorientated and have no cognisance of which route to perambulate
Oh, one cannot place as much confidence in a voluntary, part-time member of Her Majesty's Police Force as one can in a long-established, paid member of the profession
When one is unable to trace one's route to one's residence


25 Nov 07 - 05:00 AM (#2201712)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: The Walrus

May I enquire the source of your headgear?
What is the origin of said item?
Is it not most elegant
and of the correct mode for the occasion?
I desire to acquire such an item
of identical style and colour
Wheresoever I perambulate, people greet me
Asking "What is the source of your headgear?"


26 Nov 07 - 03:47 AM (#2202243)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: Micca

Personal possessive pronoun fair one prevaricates above a large body of salt water
Personal possessive pronoun fair one prevaricates above a smaller body of salt water
Personal possessive pronoun fair one prevaricates above a large body of salt water
Please return personal possessive pronoun fair one to personal pronoun

In the most recent period of darkness as self horizontal upon Personal possessive pronoun sleeping head rest
In the most recent period of darkness as self horizontal upon Personal possessive pronoun sleeping surface
In the most recent period of darkness as self horizontal upon Personal possessive pronoun sleeping head rest
Self had a reverie that Personal possessive pronoun Not false amour was deceased


26 Nov 07 - 04:11 AM (#2202246)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: The Walrus

The Constabulary are an honourable organisation
who ensure the security of our domestic environs
Their ability to control fear when facing danger is beyond doubt
And their are remarked upon regarding their pedal extremities
If one has an enquiry
Said officers will reply with facial gestures incicating pleasue
Indeed each individual member has enough information to form an encyclopedia.

Therefore, If you wish to enquire the temporal co-ordinates, enquire of a constable
The correct temporal co-ordinates, as verified by the Royal Observatory, enquire of a constable
Each member of the organisation, carries a timepiece and retainer, (naturally),
If you wish to enquire the temporal co-ordinates, enquire of a constable


26 Nov 07 - 04:57 AM (#2202262)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: the button

Gyrate for your father's entertainment, my diminutive male progeny,
Gyrate for your father's entertainment,
Your mother would prefer a tuneful vocalisation.

I will prepare a miniature piscatorial repast, on a similarly-sized item of crockery.
I will prepare a miniature piscatorial repast.
However, in order for this to take place, the return of a seagoing vessel is required.


26 Nov 07 - 04:58 AM (#2202263)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: the button

Being enamoured of matelots is a marker of feminine decency,
Virtuous young women are fond of seagoing servicemen.
Members of the Navy have a certain je ne sai qouis --
A fact of which you are more than aware.
Luminescent, and registering Force One on the Beaufort Scale,
Not involving financial outlay, and lacking in complication,
Personnel of the Senior Service are an object of both esteem and euphoria among the female population.
He evinces amatory feelings towards Catherine and Jane,
Only to resume his oceanic peregrinations --
Behold, a marine vessel! Behold a marine vessel!


26 Nov 07 - 04:59 AM (#2202264)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: the button

Patella skywards Mater Sienna! Patella skywards Mater Sienna!
You must duck beneath the refectory furniture
And if there's the slightest hint that you are contorting yourself in order to do so, I shan't hesitate in my decision to amputate your lower extremities
Patella skywards! Patella skywards! Resist the jet stream,
Patella skywards Mater Sienna!

Goodness! This really does appear to be a putrefying tune!
A putrefying tune!
Really, a putrefying tune!
Goodness! A putrefying tune! - And it seems that the choralist is also decomposing swiftly!

Patella skywards Mater Sienna! Patella skywards Mater Sienna!
You must duck beneath the refectory furniture
And if there's the slightest hint that you are contorting yourself in order to do so, I shan't hesitate in my decision to amputate your lower extremities
Patella skywards! Patella skywards! Resist the jet stream,
Patella - skywards - Mater - Sienna!
May I enquire as to the general health of your sire? Fabulous darling!


26 Nov 07 - 05:00 AM (#2202265)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: the button

Not that I spent all weekend thinking of these, like.


26 Nov 07 - 06:08 AM (#2202290)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: Bryn Pugh

It is inclement to a degree when the masculine appendages might be gelated from a non-ferrous anthropoid.


28 Nov 07 - 05:10 AM (#2203738)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: The Walrus

I express a desire to be, once again, located in territory associated with Gossypium hirsutum and Gossypium barbadense
In that region, the past does not slip from memory
Avert your gaze, Avert your gaze,
Avert your gaze, Region south of the Maryland/Pennsylvania border.
In the American states south of the aforementioned border, where I was bought forth by birth
In the small hours of a day when the temperature dropped to or below the triple point of water,
Avert your gaze, Avert your gaze,
Avert your gaze, Region south of the Maryland/Pennsylvania border.

I invoke a desire to be South of the Mason-Dixon line,
At a distance, at a distance
In said territory I intend to resist all personal attacks
To experience both life and death in the aforementioned region.
At a distance, at a distance
At a distance directionally opposed to the North and deeply immersed in the states 'below' the Mason-Dixon line
At a distance, at a distance
At a distance directionally opposed to the North and deeply immersed in the states 'below' the Mason-Dixon line


29 Nov 07 - 05:36 AM (#2204503)
Subject: RE: My Old Man's A New Labour Dustman
From: The Walrus

Scintillate, scintillate tiny astronomical body,
To what extent do I contemplate the nature of your existance
Above the surface of the Earth at such an altitude,
Resembling a cut and polished shard of crystalline carbon.
Scintillate, scintillate tiny astronomical body,
To what extent do I contemplate the nature of your existance.