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09 Dec 07 - 11:45 AM (#2211930) Subject: BS: Chris Sullivan on Fred Thompson From: SINSULL This is Chris' latest column. Before Thompson supporters get too bent out of shape, Chris covers all the candidates with an equally baleful eye: Neither Here Nor There #182: The Fred Thompson Campaign, Crippled by the Writers Guild Strike FROM CNN.COM: Spartanburg, South Carolina (CNN) — Fred Thompson wants the government to keep its hands off your dinner plate. That's what he told a questioner Tuesday in South Carolina, anyway. Standing about 15 feet away from a mouth-watering steam tray buffet loaded with fried chicken, creamed corn and macaroni and cheese at Wade's Southern Cooking in Spartanburg, Thompson dismissed the idea that preventative care and wellness education should be central features of a government's health care system. "I'm telling you, I don't think that it's the primary responsibility of the federal government to tell you what to eat," Thompson said to applause when asked if his health care plan included any details on preventative care, a priority for Democratic candidates. "The fact of the matter is we got an awful lot of knowledge," said the former Tennesse senator. "Sometimes we don't have a whole lot of will power, and I don't know of any government program that's going to instill that." Thompson, ever a fan of small government, said healthy living should be the responsibilities of families first. "We shouldn't be looking at the federal government in Washington first and working our way down, it ought to be just the other way around. With that, OR WHETHER YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT EDUCATION, there's some things the federal government can't do," said Thompson. CNN South Carolina Producer Peter Hamby (emphasis mine, misspelling of the word "Tennessee" all CNN's) Earlier this year, I was having a conversation with my sister about Fred Thompson because she and I are both Law & Order fans. We were trying to come up with our own favorite Thompson-ism, a phrase that could potentially be uttered by the character Thompson used to play on the show, District Attorney Arthur Branch. Some of our creations: "You can't shove a firecracker up a frog's butt just 'cause it's the 4th of July." "A man can't dance on a Sunday if Jesus up and stole his shoes." and my personal favorite "You get into a fistfight with a wristwatch and the only thing you'll lose is time." We liked these because they sounded like they might make just enough sense to be real. Unfortunately, Fred's candidacy might make sense to just enough people to make it real too. I read the CNN article above yesterday and wasn't too surprised by Fred's feelings on government nutritional guidelines (I was a bit concerned that residents of South Carolina feel strongly enough about this to make it an applause-worthy topic…) but what I did come away with was the belief that Fred Thompson is going to do away with any and all government involvement in education. Re-read that last quote. I'll wait… This is, of course, a great idea for Thompson, because a country with even more illiterate, book-learnin'-averse yokels spending their time walking barefoot back and forth to the local fishing hole instead of getting edumacated by the some sissy East Coast liberal teacher with his fancy degree and God-hating belief in evolution basically guarantees a Thompson dynasty for the foreseeable future, since that's exactly the type of demographic to which I imagine Thompson most appeals. But back to… (By the way, this might be my favorite Fred Thompson picture ever: http://images.politico.com/global/fred%20in%20nh%20gun%20shop.jpg So much to love here… Fred's evil claw hand shooting out to kill whoever was stupid enough to get too close to his comfort zone… the dead-eyed Stepford Wife assistant… the t-shirt choice of the cameraman in the foreground… the rows and rows of guns, including the one rifle that looks like it's climbing up the wall, trying to make its escape… the burst of brilliant light in the upper right hand corner which I can only guess is the ghost of Thomas Jefferson suicide-bombing himself out of existence forever in protest of the current state of American politics…) But back to… (Not to go back off track, but I've always thought "Mouth-watering" was an awful phrase, and in the context of the CNN article above all I can picture is Fred Thompson's gaping maw, his jaw practically unhinged, as a torrent of drool rolls down his chin, onto his shirt and into the creamed corn the author so lovingly describes. With that image to power his campaign, Thompson should be unstoppable.) But back to… (And, seriously, describing anything that's laid out on a steam tray as "mouth-watering"? You should lose all access to decent food if you ever describe steam tray food as anything better than "didn't make me puke." Going forward, CNN producer Peter Hamby should get nothing but snack packs of Combos, Slim-Jims, Turkey Hill Lemonade and maybe a trip to Cracker Barrel if he's been good. You want to see what steam tray food does to people? Go to the website of the restaurant Thompson was visiting: http://www.eatatwades.com/meet.php No one will believe me, but I'm pretty sure managers Trish Coleman and Keith Lastovica are the same person! Trish/Keith is just trying to score more shifts and get better health coverage! How do you feel about that, Thompson! Are you just going to let this man/woman game the system? And further down the page, in the 5+ years section, I'd look long and hard at what's going on between Ray Pearson and April Bates, since they obviously wore the exact same shirt to their photo shoot, and I'd also keep an eye on Chilly Wells, since I highly doubt Fred would approve of the eyes Ol' Chilly is making toward Christina Green. And I would be stunned if "Mater D," whose photo can be found in the last section on the page, is a legal immigrant. Fred, did you not have your people check out the employees' immigration status before you went traipsing into Wade's Countrified Crap Shack? Sloppy, Fred. Very sloppy.) But back to… (And I can't let Fred's views on willpower go by without calling those out too. By his reasoning, anything that people can say no to should be left out of the government's control. Please, please, please let him win the election. And please, please, please let him put these policies into effect. Do you have any idea what would be legal? That's right, everything! Of course, we'd be gearing America up for its AFTER picture to be used in textbooks for generations to come - in those countries where people still read - to explain how the world's greatest superpower eventually became the global equivalent of Reno, Nevada, but man would we have a great time debauching our way into irrelevance.) So in conclusion, that is why I think Fred Thompson has been saying idiotic things these last few weeks. It's because the writers he took with him from his TV days are out on strike. Can't pen a speech when the trees done hid all the paper. Or something. More later Sullivan |
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09 Dec 07 - 12:23 PM (#2211952) Subject: RE: BS: Chris Sullivan on Fred Thompson From: catspaw49 LOL.....Just got here after reading my e-mails and here it was again! I rarely post something anymore that is any way political but Chris' style on this one made it worth the reposting......but I see Auntie Mary has beaten me to it. I really did love this one Sins! Spaw |
