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16 Dec 07 - 02:39 PM (#2216606) Subject: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Mr Red What do you get in a country that only allows rouge coloured vehicles? a red carnation OK - what joke will you read in your Christmas Cracker (this is a UK tradition) |
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16 Dec 07 - 02:49 PM (#2216611) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: catspaw49 In the USA a Christmas Cracker is a liquored up, overweight, guy from Albany, Georgia in grungy Santa suit. If he were to tell a joke rather than be one he'd tell of the time he had a 7 course meal with Billy Carter. They went to Billy's gas station and had a Moon Pie and a 6-pack. Spaw |
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16 Dec 07 - 02:54 PM (#2216614) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: john f weldon Oh, gosh.... Christmas Cracker jokes managed to be so old that they often reflected the mores and sensitivities of a bygone era. A bit embarrassing when they were heavy on the racial stereotypes, with thieving Irish, stingy Scots, and of course lazy black people called "Rastus" and "Tarbox"! And everyone would yell for you to read yours out, then squirm and look disapproving, as if you'd made up the joke yourself! Still, like everything else that's Bad, there was still a certain guilty pleasure in it. |
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16 Dec 07 - 03:13 PM (#2216626) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Leadfingers Whats the fastest thing in the pond ?? A Motor Pike ! |
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16 Dec 07 - 03:24 PM (#2216637) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: john f weldon "Can I have an Ice-Cream Cone?" "Uh... ...you're from (Newfoundland, Poland, whatever) aren't you?" "How can you tell?" "This is a hardware store." |
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16 Dec 07 - 03:27 PM (#2216640) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: john f weldon "I see you went to McGill." "Ah, you noticed my suavity, my manly bearing?" "No, I saw your class ring when you were picking your nose." |
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16 Dec 07 - 03:49 PM (#2216661) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Liz the Squeak Why don't ducks tell jokes when flying? They quack up. Taken from a Christmas cracker pulled last night. The yoyo didn't work. LTS |
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16 Dec 07 - 04:03 PM (#2216669) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: john f weldon Just the punchlines. I can't bear to tell the jokes. "Because they'll either have a bust up or a crack up." "No, but it keeps the flies off my watermelon." "Fifty pounds of putty and a tuba!" "In the other hand? A loaf of bread!" "Wow! That's three bucks already!" |
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16 Dec 07 - 06:09 PM (#2216745) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Sandra in Sydney On Friday at the office Christmas party @ a fancy 3 or 4 star hotel, the crackers on our table had 2 quotable quotes! One of mine was from Ghandi - I can't remember them now but they were about education. They also contained very boring hats (most were not even opened) & a very dreary toy. Mine was a green insect, so I scrounged someone else's unicorn & also found a Comedy mask & a squirrel. Another table did have crackers with the usual silly jokes, but the same hats & toys. |
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16 Dec 07 - 06:16 PM (#2216749) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Leadfingers Why do Mice only have small balls ?? Because very few of them can Dance |
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16 Dec 07 - 06:27 PM (#2216752) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: SINSULL So far I haven't found any Christmas Crackers this year. But I can always get fortune cookies at the local Chinese take-out. "Jounrey of a thousand miles, starts with but a single step." Your Lucky Lottery numbers are... |
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16 Dec 07 - 06:51 PM (#2216769) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Georgiansilver Leadfingers...mine asked what are the two fastest things in the pond and the answer was motorpike and sidecarp. |
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16 Dec 07 - 08:17 PM (#2216837) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Jim Dixon I wish they'd put jokes instead of "fortunes" in "Chinese" fortune cookies (which were actually invented in San Francisco and are unknown in China, I've heard). No matter how bad the jokes were, they'd be more entertaining than those stupid smarmy "fortunes." Do you have Chinese fortune cookies in the UK or Ireland? |
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16 Dec 07 - 10:09 PM (#2216896) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: catspaw49 So what are you sugggesting Jim? Perhaps a merger with Bazooka Joe bubble gum perhaps? LOL.....Truly the worst jokes ever, even for a 9 year old! Spaw |
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16 Dec 07 - 10:39 PM (#2216904) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Rowan Out of about two dozen Christmas Crackers, so far (and in Oz), almost all had the usual paper hat, no toy, and the same joke; What do you call a box of ducks? A crate of quackers! At the time I wondered, aloud, whether the writers learned them from 4-year-olds or whether the 4-year-olds learned them from Christmas Crackers. Cheers, Rowan |
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16 Dec 07 - 11:12 PM (#2216916) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: frogprince Somebody show us yanks a picture of what kind of "christmas cracker" it is that has a hat or toy inside. |
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16 Dec 07 - 11:29 PM (#2216922) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Rowan G'day frogprince, I don't have a piccie but can supply a description until someone else displays one. Picture a tinselly paper cylinder about 12" long and 1.5" diameter, with a twist about 3" from each end; between the twists there is a thin cardboard cylinder (~ 6" long) inside the cellophane and tinsel. Inside the central cardbaord cylinder is where the paper hat, paper slip with woeful joke, and/or sometimes a toy or even even a fortune cookie. Distal to the twists at each end is the "handle" part of the cracker, with a narrow strip of cardboard through the whole length of the cracker; this strip is connecting a bit of 'explosive' powder. You and your partner each grab a handle and pull firmly away from each other; the assembly usually separates at one of the twists, leaving one of you "the victor". As the cracker separates the two thin strips of cardboard, the powder gives of a sharp (but small) bang; hence the name "cracker". Cheers, Rowan |
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16 Dec 07 - 11:40 PM (#2216926) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: frogprince Ahh...I have seen little pull-crackers, too small to have more than a slip of paper inside, but I don't know that they're common anywhere in the U.S. And if the reference had been to a prize in a box of crackers, the "pulling" would have had to be a non-literal idiom. Darn, you Brits have all the really exciting customs...:~) |
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16 Dec 07 - 11:47 PM (#2216929) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Rowan Happy Christmas, Frogprince. Cheers, Rowan, from the Oz version of New England |
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17 Dec 07 - 02:35 AM (#2216961) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Sandra in Sydney Google images of Christmas Crackers |
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17 Dec 07 - 02:58 AM (#2216970) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Liz the Squeak Anyone else remember the Christmas episode of 'The Good Life' (UK sitcom about a couple living in Suburbia who go back to living off the land to the the disgust of their snobby next door neighbour, Margo), where they had newspaper crackers. The problem was, there was no explosive strip in them so you were instructed to shout 'bang'. Margo, being Margo, yelled 'crack'! Simple pleasures but fun! LTS |
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17 Dec 07 - 08:28 AM (#2217096) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Leadfingers What about the Oyster who danced VERY energetically at a Party and pulled a mussel ? |
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17 Dec 07 - 08:56 AM (#2217115) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Mr Happy http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_cracker |
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17 Dec 07 - 10:43 AM (#2217222) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: GUEST,Neil D So what are you sugggesting Jim? Perhaps a merger with Bazooka Joe bubble gum perhaps? LOL.....Truly the worst jokes ever, even for a 9 year old! Spaw I beg to differ. Where else did you find cutting edge humor like: Lady: Boy, would you call me a cab? Boy: Okay lady, You're a cab. Or Lady: Thanks for helping with my bags. Here's a shiny new penny. Boy: I'd rather have a dirty old nickel. Neil |
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17 Dec 07 - 11:42 AM (#2217275) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Stilly River Sage A coworker here in Texas went to a British import shop to get crackers for each table at our Friends of the Library celebration (we had a bagpiper this year, a fellow from Northern Ireland who played tunes from around the British Isles). He had to tell us how to use the things (pulled between two people, like a wishbone--whoever gets the big side gets the toy)! A goofy joke, a Cracker Jack-like toy and a tissue paper hat. SRS |
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17 Dec 07 - 12:37 PM (#2217324) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: SINSULL Somehow Gordon Bok, Kendall and Tom in those tissue hats is a sight tattooed on my brain. Jacqui and Linn looked quite normal in theirs. |
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17 Dec 07 - 02:18 PM (#2217392) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: john f weldon The older version went: Call me a cab. Okay, you're a cab. But I wouldn't call you hansom! |
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17 Dec 07 - 02:55 PM (#2217423) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: catspaw49 Just to keep the pix even and everyone understanding, here is a picture of some Georgia Crackers. The female version is a pull type sorta'..................... Spaw |
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17 Dec 07 - 04:09 PM (#2217490) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: frogprince Dear God, Spaw...just when a guy thinks he's already seen the stoopidest thing in the world... |
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17 Dec 07 - 08:03 PM (#2217676) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Jim Dixon Amongst the Google Images that came up when I clicked the above link, there was this one, called Making a Cracker. That raises the question, do people ever make their own crackers? Can you buy just the part that makes the bang? (And, maybe, the paper hat?) That leaves room for lots of creativity. If you were going to make your own Christmas crackers, what would you put in them? |
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17 Dec 07 - 09:26 PM (#2217735) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: maeve Here you are: Fill your own crackers and The original makers maeve |
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17 Dec 07 - 09:51 PM (#2217750) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Jim Dixon From maeve's first link: HIGH STREET price: £9.99 HALF PRICE SALE PRICE: £7.95 OUT OF STOCK Hm. There's some funny math going on there. But I guess you can charge whatever you want when you're out of stock. |
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18 Dec 07 - 01:26 AM (#2217836) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: TRUBRIT What do you get when you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? A woolly jumper!!!!!!!! Ba ba boom!! Non Brits might need a translation on what a 'jumper' is -- it's a sweater. |
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18 Dec 07 - 01:59 AM (#2217843) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: gnomad I knew a lady who assembled crackers to earn money, one of those "exploit the housebound" home jobs. She worked on a piece-rate, which I don't remember, but which I know horrified me at the time. She would stand at a table, deftly assembling contents, wrapping and gluing, then twisting in the closure with a bit of string tied to the table leg. Any sub-standard work would not be paid for, though all materials would be deducted from future pay. She did the job for years, so became very quick and seldom had work rejected, but I remember calculating that she earned in a morning about what a teenager could get by mopping up in a burger joint for an hour. This was in England, and only about 12 years ago. I was never mad-keen on crackers, but I can't pull one now without seeing her in my mind. |
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18 Dec 07 - 02:27 AM (#2217850) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Sandra in Sydney Jim - I've made crackers in the past from a kit I bought at a craft shop. I've also seen the snaps sold separately in craft shops. I think it came with a tissue paper hat & joke, & the maker could supply other goodies. sandra |
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18 Dec 07 - 06:50 AM (#2217928) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: McGrath of Harlow One of mine was from Ghandi... Aaaargh! Not again. Ghandi never existed. |
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18 Dec 07 - 07:15 AM (#2217939) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Liz the Squeak Q. What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an elephant? A. Bloody big holes all over Australia. Q. What else do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? A. A wooly jumper with a pocket in it. LTS |
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18 Dec 07 - 10:43 AM (#2218122) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Stilly River Sage TRUEBRIT, in the U.S. a "jumper" is a sleeveless outfit (like a dress) that is worn over a blouse or sweater. Often of denim or cordury, they're sturdy and cute and very practical. SRS |
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18 Dec 07 - 05:19 PM (#2218443) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Mo the caller Of course if you UNWRAP the cracker, instead of pulling them, you can use them again. Life was hard when I was young. |
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18 Dec 07 - 10:47 PM (#2218655) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: TRUBRIT SRS -- yes, I know -- hence the translation in my post-- jumper in UK means sweater - jumper in the US means - what you said..... |
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19 Dec 07 - 11:50 AM (#2218993) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: jonm We make our own, with jewellery and whisky miniatures in, and something more upmarket and useful for the kids than the usual plastic cr@p. |
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19 Dec 07 - 04:42 PM (#2219181) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Celtaddict I'm a little surprised at all the Americans who do not see these; it seems every Christmas department in every store, and the party places, craft places, dish stores, and a variety of other places have these anymore. However, I do recall as a kid in Oklahoma hearing Dylan Thomas reading 'A Child's Christmas in Wales' and when he mentioned 'crackers by the dessert spoons' I pictured an abundance, a big spoonful of little oyster type crackers to drop in the chowder. |
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19 Dec 07 - 06:45 PM (#2219291) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: maeve jonm- Making them is fairly easy, and as you said it's then possible to insert better prizes than the usual commercial bits. Do you use the snapper, or simply unwrap them as Mo the caller mentioned? Do you write your own jokes? (Planning for next year...) Thanks, maeve |
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26 Dec 07 - 09:22 AM (#2222678) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: TheSnail In my cracker yesterday - Q. How do snails keep their shells shiny? A. They use snail varnish. Spooky. |
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26 Dec 07 - 04:29 PM (#2222865) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: TRUBRIT And for the first Christmas in I don't know how many years -- we did not have crackers. My kids are grown(ish) - 19, 22 and 26.......they railed at me for not having them. Next year I shall be more organized......! And - as my 22 year old said in a horrified voice - no CANDY CANES MUM!!! |
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26 Dec 07 - 05:10 PM (#2222884) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Greg B Here in the US, the nearest thing most people have is a dirty old uncle who invites all the kids to 'pull my finger' after dinner... |
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26 Dec 07 - 11:49 PM (#2223029) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: dick greenhaus And my pet "fortune" from a Chinese fortune cookie was "Enjoy another Chinese repast soon" For real. |
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27 Dec 07 - 11:10 AM (#2223222) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: GUEST,frogprince in Wisconsin One of my lifetime ambitions is to sneak into a chinese cookie bakery sometime and insert some tidbits like "you are HIV positive but haven't been diagnosed yet" and "You will be run over by a truck when you leave the restaurant". |
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27 Dec 07 - 09:56 PM (#2223515) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Little Robyn I bought el-cheapo crackers this year. The cardboard and the snaps were glued in so well they couldn't be pulled at all and in the end we opened them up, extracted the snaps and just pulled them. Instead of a plastic toy, they had 4 little stickers, a hat and the joke - What do you call two robbers? A pair of knickers! The box says they were made in Indonesia. Robyn |
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27 Dec 07 - 09:58 PM (#2223517) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: TRUBRIT That joke was quite good however....... |
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28 Dec 07 - 07:38 AM (#2223616) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Cats What is Santas favourite pizza? Deep Pan, crisp and even..... It was in my cracker, it's not one of mine! |
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28 Dec 07 - 01:56 PM (#2223815) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: Herga Kitty LTS - that 1977 Christmas episode of The Good Life with the newspaper crackers was re-shown on Christmas Eve, last Monday. Margo and Jerry's Christmas had been cancelled, because she'd sent back the entire Christmas Eve delivery order on account of the Christmas tree being 9" short, without realising that the full order wasn't going to be delivered on Christmas Day. Margo didn't get the joke in her cracker. I did, but I can't now remember what it was.... Kitty |
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28 Dec 07 - 08:29 PM (#2224058) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: The Fooles Troupe My favourite Fortune Cookie: Help! I'm trapped in a Chinese Fortune Cookie Factory! I got a Sweater for Christmas: I could have got a Screamer or a Moaner... |
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16 Mar 09 - 05:56 PM (#2590495) Subject: RE: BS: Pulling a Christmas Cracker From: GUEST,Party Crackers There is a party crackers website that provides videos showing how to open christmas party crackers. |
