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BS: Grammar/Spellin' Nazis at Work...

14 Jan 08 - 05:46 PM (#2236448)
Subject: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bobert

What the Hell is this, Russia...

Seems every time I turn around someone is going thru the thread titles an' correctercating garmmer and spellin'...

Who/whom??? Whom gives a rats butt??? Or is it who...

Wowemz/womenz??? Who cares??? Or is it whom cares??? I don't as long as they know whomz/whoz thie is...

Beam me up Scotty before they come to collect by boney butt, sit me down at a black board and make me write stupid stuff an hunert times...

B~


14 Jan 08 - 05:50 PM (#2236456)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: artbrooks

...cracker.


14 Jan 08 - 05:50 PM (#2236457)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Little Hawk

Yer duncin' on skaky stilts mah man...if'n I were you I would git me a brand new speech writer, sho' nuff I would!

Now, say "nukular". Go on, say it! You cain't do it, can you! Ha! Gotcha there!


14 Jan 08 - 06:11 PM (#2236472)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bobert

nukular

nukular

nukelar

nukelear

nukilier

nuciler

moociler

moocilis

mooseilis

moosetris

moosetracis

moosetracks

Ha! Don't mess with me L.H... There was nuthin' at all toughabout that liitle homework assignment... What you thenk yer dealin' with here???

Huh???

B~


14 Jan 08 - 06:13 PM (#2236473)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: John MacKenzie

Why; don't you know who you are?
G


14 Jan 08 - 06:16 PM (#2236477)
Subject: RE: Bad Grammar alert !!
From: Q (Frank Staplin)

Add detergent.


14 Jan 08 - 06:17 PM (#2236478)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Little Hawk

Hmm. Impressive. We may have presidential material here after all.


14 Jan 08 - 06:19 PM (#2236480)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: John MacKenzie

Hey Bobert, how's yer chads hangin'?


14 Jan 08 - 06:27 PM (#2236486)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bee-dubya-ell

Ah hurdja, Bobslice! 'Twuz jus' th' uther day sum icehole went an' fixt a speelin' errur in th' title obv a thred whut I startet. If th' feckin' moron had lookt at th' thred he'd uh seed thet th' misspeelin' wuz on purpose an' wuz part obv th' dammed joke. Mr. Offer fixt it back after I sended him a PM an' ast him sweetly. He'll userly fix such thangs as long as ya don't call whoever done it a flamin' fuckwit.


14 Jan 08 - 06:29 PM (#2236487)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: McGrath of Harlow

Try looking up garmmer in a dictionary...


14 Jan 08 - 06:44 PM (#2236498)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bobert

Well, thanks, Beezer... Man, you need to get uo some schoolin', son... Yer writin' is real, real bad... No, not yer writin', per sa, 'cause it ain't like a hnadwritin' situation but yer typin' and spellin', ahhhhh, no offense, but it sucks purdy bad...

I gotta a matchboook cover somewhere where you can get learnt up in the mail like I did and impresd the heck outta all the girls...

Whaddayathink???

I'll try to find that certif.... diploma they sent me afetr I got learnt up if yer interested...

Jus' tryin' to help ya', son, you sho nuff need some help...

B~


14 Jan 08 - 06:53 PM (#2236503)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: kendall

Why don't we all just make up our own language? What the hell, we don't understand each other anyhow, so what good are standards?


14 Jan 08 - 07:13 PM (#2236516)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Georgiansilver

How people are smellin' their words done matter dooit


14 Jan 08 - 07:15 PM (#2236518)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Skivee

I think I saw that matchbook cover ad. It went something like this,"IF U CN RD THS U CN GT A GD JB S A CRT STNOGRFR", right?
I think we could make school about 3 years shorter if we learned to write this way.
IF U MK THS PRT F YR PLTFRM, MBE I CD B TH EDUCSN ZAR?


14 Jan 08 - 07:24 PM (#2236523)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: McGrath of Harlow

Easy enough to read, but a lot slower, because you have to spell it out rather than take it in at a glance.


14 Jan 08 - 07:45 PM (#2236537)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bobert

You could use a little work, too, Capt'n... Maybe I send you the matchbook cover...

But nevermind that... This ain't 'bout me being learnht up and other not... It's about thread titles gettin' messed with... Next thing ya' know all of us will be replaced with monkeys... and then they'll figurate a way to keep us from postin' but we'll open up a thread where we supposedly posted 'casue there is our name right there but we ain't got no recollection of havion' posted that... You all wanta know why???

Well, of course you don't and I wouldn't either if I knew that was about to be replaced with a monkey...

And then one day we'll all be sittin' 'round some dingy bar drenking GeritoBeer and rememberin' the good ol' days before Joe turned the joint over to the monkeys...

No, not chimps, LH... That would prolly be an improvement... But monkeys???

B~


14 Jan 08 - 07:49 PM (#2236541)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: katlaughing

I don't care about your spelling or grammar, but I sure don't like seeing "Nazi" in the title. That's a very strong word, esp. for those of us who may make part of our living through reading manuscripts for spelling and grammar errors.

For the record, IF I have changed or added to any thread title it is expressly for the purpose of making it easier for the Search function to find it in the future.


14 Jan 08 - 07:52 PM (#2236545)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bill D

It oughta be obvious...usually...when spelling or grammar is on purpose or for ummmm...'effect', and when it is just dumb or careless. Even then, correcting a post oughta be done with care. Now, thread titles NEED to be kept as clear as possible, or we'd never be able to find anything.


14 Jan 08 - 08:08 PM (#2236556)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Amos

IF U CN RD THS U CN GT A GD JB AND MK GD MNY.

IF U WRT LK THS U R A FKIN MRON.



A


14 Jan 08 - 08:10 PM (#2236557)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bill D

*bg grn*


14 Jan 08 - 08:18 PM (#2236562)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Q (Frank Staplin)

The "search" function has enough pitfalls without illiterate or supposedy humorous spelling. Mudcat is supposed to function as an information repository as well as a playground.


14 Jan 08 - 08:29 PM (#2236570)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bee-dubya-ell

You know, in the overall scheme of things, it's of about the same consequence as a few flecks of fly shit in a mountain of pepper.


14 Jan 08 - 08:30 PM (#2236571)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bill D

Indeed, Q! If one is gonna spell badly, it helps to at least do it in a consistent pattern.

(why, I can get a LOT of hits looking for 'womenz')☺


14 Jan 08 - 08:31 PM (#2236574)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Amos

The Wall Street Journal, no less, had a big article upbraiding two of th candidates for misconstructing sentences using "myself" as a substitute for "me" or "I".

I would have thought with the exonomy on the way to the shredder the WSJ mighthave more important editorial input to provide, but nooooo.....

It was like so totally disproportionate, like, I was like, "Huh?". Which, for a person like myself, is really saying, you know, something. Or whatever.



A


14 Jan 08 - 08:32 PM (#2236575)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Skivee

AMS, HU U CLN A MRON. BSDS, U SPLD IT RNG. IT'S MRN
maybe you got a book from a different course.
Snort,
Skivee


14 Jan 08 - 08:33 PM (#2236579)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bobert

Fly shit ain't that easy to come by 'round these parts and when you do find it it's like more expensive that pot... Like, what's that all about, anyway???

Used to be that fly shit was cheap as dirt before the Food Channels... Now, ya' gotta be Donald Trump to get that stuff...

Grrrrrrrrr....

B~


14 Jan 08 - 08:40 PM (#2236583)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bobert

Sorry, Skivee, we crossed posted but, okay, maybe we did have different teachers... 'er books... 'er....


14 Jan 08 - 10:44 PM (#2236648)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Little Hawk

That owl won't hoot. ;-)


14 Jan 08 - 10:50 PM (#2236654)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: katlaughing

You'd think the WSJ would have given up critiquing politicians after the moronic utterances of the past eight years in the White House. Or, perhaps they are being pre-emptive in the hopes we will all give a damn about literacy in the candidates and vote accordingly?


14 Jan 08 - 11:05 PM (#2236661)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Q (Frank Staplin)

Our economy now is exonomy. I'll buy that. Amos, you have coined a second meaning for the term (I think).
--------------------------------------------

Exonomy, primary meaning for those who really want to know, is use of an ab initio gene predictor in eukaryotes, specifically a 23-state Generalized Hidden Markov model (GHMM). Best used in combination with Unveil, a 283-state standard Hidden Markov Model (HMM) and GlimmerM, a genefinder which uses decision trees and Interpolated Markov Models (IMMs).
These programs are available through webservers at http://www.tigr.org/software.


15 Jan 08 - 02:33 AM (#2236722)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Gurney

Grammer Spellin'? Is she your mum's mum or your pa's mum?


15 Jan 08 - 05:20 AM (#2236767)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: John MacKenzie

Then there are those for whom dyslexia is a problem, so some of the posts in this thread may be 'au naturelle'
So before you get on your high horse, remember this condition.
We don't mock dyslexics here on Mudcat; it's not smart, and it's not furry.

G.

I will be under the table hiding for a bit.


15 Jan 08 - 05:50 AM (#2236776)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: TheSnail

Q

Hidden Markov Model

Wow Q, that's fascinating. It's just what I've been looking for.

See for instance - http://alumni.media.mit.edu/~chaiwei/papers/chai_ICAI183.pdf


15 Jan 08 - 10:59 AM (#2236968)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Stilly River Sage

It's more work to do Bobert's speech affectations than it is to spell words out straight. I give points for the effort.


15 Jan 08 - 12:55 PM (#2237053)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Little Hawk

"That axe won't chop." ;-)


15 Jan 08 - 12:59 PM (#2237059)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: kendall

Bobert ol' buddy, I appreciate being informed if I spell something wrong or my grammar is faulty.

This reminds me of a John Wayne movie, I think it was Hondo, or was it Hombre?. He said to a young man, "Never apologize, it's a sign of weakness." In my opinion it's a sign of weakness to NOT apologize.


15 Jan 08 - 01:25 PM (#2237080)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bert

...It's about thread titles gettin' messed with...

Whooeee! go easy there buddy that's a touchy subject around here you carry on like that you'll get yersel shambled.


15 Jan 08 - 01:38 PM (#2237094)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Brendy

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

B.


15 Jan 08 - 02:37 PM (#2237137)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: GUEST,Neil D

I once saw a T-shirt that said:

               Hukd on foniks
               sher helpd me.


15 Jan 08 - 02:48 PM (#2237148)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Q (Frank Staplin)

To the Snail- do you think we should have a full-fledged discussion of Markov models and folk music at Mudcat? Will we at last agree on a definition of Folk?
I'm afraid that article boggled my mind. Coherent thought no longer possible.


15 Jan 08 - 02:58 PM (#2237154)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Amos

Spellling tells the reader whether or not you give a damn about hi, which is one reason its important, totally aside from the confusions mis-spellings can generate. The same holds true for correct grammar for the context. Bobert's vernacular grammer is impeccable for the kind of vernacular he is representing.


A


15 Jan 08 - 03:23 PM (#2237172)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bobert

See there??? Mah man Amos says it's impeccable which of course means that ya' all shouldn't be peccin' on it...

Na-na-na-na-na-nah...

B~


15 Jan 08 - 03:51 PM (#2237193)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Newport Boy

I presume, Amos, that 'hi' is gender-neutral, representing 'him' or 'her'?

Phil


15 Jan 08 - 04:00 PM (#2237198)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Amos

Either that, or it represents a whole 'nother class of problems known as fat-thumbing.


A


15 Jan 08 - 04:08 PM (#2237206)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Little Hawk

"That pitcher won't pour."


15 Jan 08 - 04:20 PM (#2237215)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bobert

Ya' mean like "that dog won't hunt", LH??? There, you made me say it...

Speakin' of pitchers thou, we got more than our share of pour 'uns playin' fir the Washington Nationals... Can't hit the broadside of a proverbial barn... And gettin' paid millions??? I was jus' thinkin' 'bout offerin' my services to the Nats at half a million bucks a year... I can surely loose as many games in a season as these guys and I'm cheap at a half a mil...

B~


15 Jan 08 - 04:29 PM (#2237224)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: John MacKenzie

Best thing to do with pitchers like that, is hang them.
G


15 Jan 08 - 05:02 PM (#2237261)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bobert

Gol danged right, John...

I'd say that get 'um to pitch better...

B~


15 Jan 08 - 06:30 PM (#2237321)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: McGrath of Harlow

One pitcher is worth a thousand worms.


15 Jan 08 - 06:36 PM (#2237324)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bobert

You obviously haven't seen the National's bull-pen, McG...


15 Jan 08 - 08:59 PM (#2237391)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Skivee

That pen won't write. That goat won't eat tin cans. That plane won't fly, that sandwich won't chew, that sentence won't scan.
HW M I DOING, BBRT?


16 Jan 08 - 11:09 AM (#2237707)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bobert

Gud, real gud...


16 Jan 08 - 12:32 PM (#2237767)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Uncle_DaveO

My Grammer couldn't spell with a hoot. But her grammar was very good.

Dave Oesterreich


16 Jan 08 - 01:02 PM (#2237784)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Little Hawk

That knife won't cut!


16 Jan 08 - 01:08 PM (#2237790)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: John MacKenzie

I note that the clone who corrected the spelling in the title of the Mudwomenz thread, apparently also changed the spelling of the same word in your opening sentence too Bobert!
G.


16 Jan 08 - 01:34 PM (#2237809)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bobert

Yeah, John.... Next thing ya' know they'll have a Big Brother Spellcheck blanket over MudKingdom and then all the spellin' will just hunky-friggin'-doorey....

Won't that be nice???

Then someone will come along and put in a Grammer program and if you screw up a comma or a tense then yer post won't get posted... Yeah, you'll get a big "Error" box that instruct you have a bad comma ... 'er whatever you got bad...

Then the next logical step after that in content... Yeah, here you go and pour yer heart out about this or that and hit "submit" and a box will come up that says "Inappropriate Topic" and then a boxing glove will come outta yer pudder screen and punch you in the face....

Yeah, I can juts small this stuff a'comin', folks, so if ya' got danglin' participles on yer mind better dangle the sumabiches while you still can and...

...ahhhhh, LH.... Yer gonna be in heap if trouble down the road so you might wnat invest in a catcher's face mask... I allready ordered mine...

B;)


16 Jan 08 - 02:08 PM (#2237837)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bee-dubya-ell

I notice that the "Other N-Word" thread, apparently started as a result of Bobert using "Nazi" in the title of this thread, has been closed.

I'm sure Herr Goebbels would have been proud.


16 Jan 08 - 08:11 PM (#2238100)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammar/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: McGrath of Harlow

Grammar...


16 Jan 08 - 08:41 PM (#2238125)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bobert

What???


16 Jan 08 - 10:21 PM (#2238172)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: bobad

N***IS.


16 Jan 08 - 10:49 PM (#2238184)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Little Hawk

They've opened that thread on the other "N" word again...

Must've got a superior court injunction on behalf of free speech.


16 Jan 08 - 10:58 PM (#2238189)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammer/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Don Firth

I notice that someone finally got around to correcting the spelling in the thread title.

Umm . . . it's spelled "grammar," not "grammer"

Unless you're talking about Kelsey Grammer, who played "Frazier."

Don Firth


17 Jan 08 - 01:03 AM (#2238217)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammar/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Gurney

Late, Don. Me and Uncle Dave already commented on it.

Giok, I will comment on misspellings, accidental or dyslexic, but only if they strike me as funny, like yours in that post; 'it's not smart and it's not furry.'


17 Jan 08 - 01:40 AM (#2238221)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammar/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Joe Offer

Yeah, I couldn't figure out why the N-word thread was closed, so I reopened it.

I'm sorry, Bobert. I'll admit your spelling is cute sometimes, but we try to have some standards for thread titles so people can tell what's inside without opening them (and so they can find them later on). I see you started a thread about Mudwowenz and somebody changed it to the Mudwomenz you had in the text of your message - is THAT what you're complaining about?

There was a thread started in the music section today titled WOW! & then some! Cute title, I suppose - but maybe it was and ad for multi-level-marketing dildoes or something. So, I renamed it to WOW! & then some! [YouTube-Nathan Rogers] (we try to retain as much as the original as possible, and augment it for clarity. Maybe it wasn't as cute as the first title, but it might actually help you find information about Nathan Rogers, and that's what you were seeking.

But if you start a thread and somebody changes the title and you don't like it, let me know. Maybe we can work out a satisfactory compromise.

-Joe-


17 Jan 08 - 03:38 PM (#2238693)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammar/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Don Firth

"Late, Don. Me and Uncle Dave already commented on it."

Not that it matters, Gurney, but I read the whole thread before I appended my comment. Where did you and Uncle Dave make your comments? I just ran a search to see how I could have missed it, and I couldn't find anything.

As I say, no big deal. But I'm just curious.

Don Firth


17 Jan 08 - 05:09 PM (#2238760)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammar/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bobert

Joe,

I'm not complainin', gol danged it... It's friggin' winter and I'm jus' bored...

Keep up the good work...

Bobert;)


17 Jan 08 - 06:13 PM (#2238809)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammar/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Gurney

Don, me at Jan 15 02:33, and Uncle Dave at Jan 16 12:32.

You have to read between the lines a little, both comments.


17 Jan 08 - 06:35 PM (#2238819)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammar/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Gurney

Don, perhaps I was a little unfair. We commented on the spelling, not on the fact it had been changed.
At the time I posted, the thread header had been changed, but the header for each post hadn't. Still hadn't at your 10:58 post. My 'Late' post is the first with the new title.


17 Jan 08 - 08:14 PM (#2238891)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammar/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: dick greenhaus

Damn. Next thing they'll expect people to be singing on key.


17 Jan 08 - 08:38 PM (#2238901)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammar/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Don Firth

Weird!! Gurney, I just looked up and down the thread and I can't find either of the posts that you mention, either yours or Uncle Dave's.

Joe? What's happ'nin'?

Don Firth


17 Jan 08 - 08:40 PM (#2238902)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammar/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Bobert

Sing on key, Dick???

I'm outta here...

B~


17 Jan 08 - 09:50 PM (#2238937)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammar/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: Don Firth

Okay, got it.

Actually, though, my main point was the Kelsey Grammer/Frazier wisecrack. . . .

(Jeez! It's getting harder and harder to be smart-ass these days!)

Don Firth


17 Jan 08 - 10:31 PM (#2238964)
Subject: RE: BS: Grammar/Spellin' Nazis at Work...
From: wlisk

Asylum for the Verbally Insane

Author unknown

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its
paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but< BR>not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of
all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking
English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the
same, while a wise man and
a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop,
how come Mother's not Mop?