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10 Mar 08 - 09:43 AM (#2284258) Subject: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: The Fooles Troupe Sorry, I couldn't resist.... I'll start off... The Woodpecker's Hole.... |
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10 Mar 08 - 09:46 AM (#2284260) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Rapparee Mud, Mud, Glorious Mud |
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10 Mar 08 - 09:46 AM (#2284262) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: The Fooles Troupe You Chicken, Rapaire.... :-P |
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10 Mar 08 - 09:54 AM (#2284272) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: The Borchester Echo Black Joak by a million miles. And it's the funniest. Contest over. |
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10 Mar 08 - 10:02 AM (#2284278) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Midchuck Backside Rules the Navy. Redwing (the military version). Peter |
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10 Mar 08 - 10:08 AM (#2284281) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: john f weldon North Atlantic Squadron. My Husband's a Plumber. |
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10 Mar 08 - 10:18 AM (#2284287) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: john f weldon Oh dear. This has remained hidden for years, buried in a secret spot on my website. Years ago I rewrote (updated) "My Husbands a Plumber". Well, you asked for it... Jiggie |
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10 Mar 08 - 10:20 AM (#2284289) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Bill D Charlotte, the Harlot....(the LONG version) |
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10 Mar 08 - 10:55 AM (#2284314) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Dave Sutherland The Good Ship Venus |
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10 Mar 08 - 10:59 AM (#2284317) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: irishenglish Bonny Black Hare! |
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10 Mar 08 - 11:18 AM (#2284338) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Gary T Barnacle Bill |
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10 Mar 08 - 11:21 AM (#2284342) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: bobad Coca Cola Douche - The Fugs |
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10 Mar 08 - 11:55 AM (#2284366) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: The Mole Catcher's Apprentice (inactive) erotic is a better word as in the record The Bird in the Bush : trad erotic songs. from which comes, The Widow of Westmoreland's Daughter Charlotte (there's an avian creature in that there thicket) |
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10 Mar 08 - 12:07 PM (#2284377) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: The Borchester Echo "Erotic" certainly is a better word but not appropriate to most of the songs listed here which are nothing more than juvenile, pre-pubescent, sniggering schoolboy crudeness. The Bird In The Bush EP reminds me of Long Pegging Awl from Bert Lloyd, cleverly revived recently by Benji Kirkpatrick. Though Black Joak is still way out in front. Here's a recent recording by the Jim Moray Three |
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10 Mar 08 - 12:28 PM (#2284391) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: The Mole Catcher's Apprentice (inactive) "juvenile, pre-pubescent, sniggering schoolboy crudeness." along with smoking behind the gym *LOL* Charlotte (Monday morning on Ma and Pa's piano stool) |
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10 Mar 08 - 01:00 PM (#2284422) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Jean(eanjay) The German Musicianer |
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10 Mar 08 - 01:11 PM (#2284425) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: topical tom I cannot remember the title of the song but the chorus is Balls to your partner,your ass against the wall If you don't get f---ed on Saturday night You won't get f---ed at all. One verse went: They were doing it in the barley, They were doing it in the oats, Most were doing women but some were doing goats. Singing...Chorus I remember most of the other verses but would rather not publish them here. |
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10 Mar 08 - 01:15 PM (#2284430) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,PMB The Engineer's Song. |
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10 Mar 08 - 01:27 PM (#2284439) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: dick greenhaus topical Tom- that's a variant of "Ball of Kerimuir" |
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10 Mar 08 - 02:21 PM (#2284508) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: curmudgeon "...most of the other verses ..." would be longer than "A Gest of Robin Hood." The chorus you give is a later English rendition. The earlier Scots refrain, with variables: Wha did ye last nicht, wh'll dae ye noo, The yin that did it last nicht, canna dae it noo. |
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10 Mar 08 - 02:32 PM (#2284519) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: nutty Pheasant Plucker's Son |
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10 Mar 08 - 02:34 PM (#2284521) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: The Vulgar Boatman Fortunately, boys will be boys, and so will a lot of midle-aged men. A favourite trick is to wait for Redwing to pop up in a tune session, launch into the B with the immortal words "Oh the moon shines bright on Nellie Cartwright..." and watch who chokes on their pint. KYBTTS Brethren. |
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10 Mar 08 - 02:45 PM (#2284528) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Charley Noble "Bloody Great Kidney Wiper" with its immortal chorus: With his bloody great kidney wiper, Yes, bloody great kidney-wee, And forty yards of foreskin Hanging down below his knee! "Balls as Heavy as Lead" is another classic in danger of becoming extinct, the chorus of which runs: For they were large balls, Balls as heavy as lead, With a dextrous twist of his muscular wrist He'd sling 'em right over his head! For they were large balls, Balls as heavy as lead! Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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10 Mar 08 - 03:16 PM (#2284568) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Rapparee I still think.... But okay: Bastard King of England Bell Bottom Trousers Airborne Ranger Song The Dicky Dina Song Roll Me Over Finger In The Dyke |
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10 Mar 08 - 03:25 PM (#2284579) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,guest My Love, She is a Yettie Lass |
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10 Mar 08 - 03:26 PM (#2284581) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Leadfingers When a man grows old , and his toes turn cold , and the end of his nose turns blue and he's bent in the middle like a One String Fiddle , he can tell you a yarn or two . So find me a seat and stand me a drink , and the tale to you I'l tell - Of Dead Eye Dick , amd Mexican Pete , and the Gentle Eskimo Nell ! |
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10 Mar 08 - 03:44 PM (#2284598) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Snuffy Vulgar Boatman, I've been looking for the rest of the words to Nellie Cartwright for years. Any chance of posting them with all the other Redwing parodies on this thread? Pretty please. |
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10 Mar 08 - 04:27 PM (#2284628) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego The old LP, "Bawdy Songs and Backroom Ballads" by Oscar Brand, is a classic. It may not meet the "smell test" for downright filthy, but it has a healthy dose of smutty. |
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10 Mar 08 - 04:32 PM (#2284637) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Amos Topical Tom: That hoary and hairy old classic is originally called The Balls of Kerremuir, I believe, although I am uncertain of the spelling of Kerremuir. I know how to spell balls, though -- ya just go off by yourself for a couple of days. A |
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10 Mar 08 - 05:47 PM (#2284725) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: The Vulgar Boatman Snuffy, the lines on the other thread are all I know, maybe even all there are as I've always thought of it as one of those glorious "one liners" which sometimes attach themselves to tunes. Like the National Emblem March, which traditionally has the words "Have you ever caught your knackers in a rat trap..." The Charlie Chaplin connection seems to be what popularised the tune, and knowing what some of those old East Anglian musicians were like, and still are if the Eel's Foot is anything to go by, I wouldn't be surprised if the Nellie Cartwright lines go back to the tune's early days, and were then expanded by the rugby song enthusiasts to parody the Redwing song. The rest of the song is a bit of a mess, which if I remember rightly was published in the sixties in a book called "Why Was He Born So Beautiful". |
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10 Mar 08 - 06:00 PM (#2284746) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Rowan Abdul (the Nightingale) Amir Thias Rollo the ravaging Roman are three that go beyond the erotic and behind the bike shed. These days I prefer the more stately Cuckoo's nest but I do sing its bawdier Australian descendant Navvy on the line. Cheers, Rowan |
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10 Mar 08 - 06:01 PM (#2284748) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Rowan And how could I have forgotten Life presents a dismal picture? |
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10 Mar 08 - 06:09 PM (#2284751) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Amos Les BouchŽes ‡ la Reine The Good Ship Venus The Balls of Kerrmuir Keep On Truckin', Mama The Mayor of Bayswater's Daughter That's enough to, um, get the juices flowing... A |
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10 Mar 08 - 07:49 PM (#2284837) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: skarpi Well 50 songs ? Here are the songs I am workin on more than less all the year , some of them I am blowin the dust off :>) some them I am learnin from yesterday . So here we go , the list is long and its marked folk or bluegrass and from what nation . Blugrass/folk American Tennesse Flat Top Box –Johnny Cash Will the Circle Be Unbroken – Folk Little Cabin On The Hill –Folk Forget Me Never –Elvis Presley I Wander How The Old Folks Are At Home –Folk Foggy Mountain Top –Carters Sisters.Folk The Mountains Of Tennessee –Folk Jimmy Brown –Folk I´ll Be All Smile Tonight –Folk Dixie Darling –Folk Wildwood Flower –Folk My old Virgina Home – Folk The Pilgrim –Kris Kristoferson The Key Of Live – Vince gill The Oak Tree – unknown poem /tune skarpi Ref River Valley –Folk Irish/Iclandic/Scottish/Canada/UK /Alaska Rósin Okkar Í Reykjavík – Folk /Iceland Working Man –Folk/Canada Cavan Girl –Folk/Irish Step it Out Mary –Folk /Irish Mollt Malone-Folk/Irish The Foggy Dew-Folk/Irish Sally Garden-Folk/Irish Scotland The brave-Folk/Instrumental/Scottish Carrickfergus-Folk/Irish Ölerindi-Folk/Icelandic Síldarstúlkurnar/Black Velvet Band-Folk -/Irish Will you go Lassie go/The Beaes Of Baluitter-Folk/Scottish Whiskey on a Sunday-Folk/Irish Durham Town –Roger Whitaker/Australia ? My love is like a Red-Folk/Scottish Goodnight Irene-Folk/American ? The Dance of The River-Folk/Kathy Martin Fanningan/Alaska I´ll Tell Me Ma-Folk/Irish Dirty Old Town –Folk Ewan McColl /Scottish Rose Of Avalon –Folk Robert J. Currie /Canada Easy And Slow –Folk /Irish The Town I Love So Well-Folk Phil Cutler /N-Ireland Old Salt – Folk Kathy Martin Fanningan/Alaska Seven Drunken Night –Folk/Irish Drunken Sailor Folk /English The Leaving Of Liverpool Folk/Irish The Mermaid-Folk /Irish Lord Of The Dance –Folk/Irish The Whistling Gypsy-Folk/Scottish The Wild Rover –Folk/English Caledonia Folk /Scottish Whiskey In The Jar –Folk/Irish Back Home In Derry Folk /N-Ireland False Hearted Lover Folk/Scottish The Sicknote –Folk /Irish/English? The Rose of Allendale Folk/Irish Love And Freedom Folk /Irish.trad,Co,Sligo Mursheen Durkin Folk /Irish The Moonshiner Folk /Irish Grace Folk /Irish The Fields Of Atherny Folk /Irish Who´s Gonna Hold Her Hand Folk/American Rolling Down To Old Maui Folk/ ?? Ferryman Folk/Irish Mo Ghile Mear Folk /Irish Fiddlers Green Folk /Irish Spancill Hill Folk /Irish Óró Sé Do Bheatha Bhaile Folk/Irish Drink up The Jamison Folk /Irish The Belfast Mill Folk /N-Ireland The Last Of The Great Whales Folk/English Health To The Company Folk/Irish ? Loch Lomond Folk/Scottish I LoveThe Ground She Walked On Folk /Irish Sixteen Fishermen Raving Folk /N-Ireland The Ould Triangle Folk/Irish /Brendan Behan I´m Asking you Sergant Folk /Scottish /Billy Connolly Old Dungarvon Oak Folk/Irish Galway Bay Folk/Irish Maids When Youre Young Folk/Irish Farwell To Novia Scotia Folk/Canada Darby O´Leary Folk /Irish The Old Alarm Clock Folk /Irish/Scottish Tune The Garden Where The Praties Grow Off To Dublin Folk/Irish Pub With No Beer Folk /Irish Now I Am Easy Folk /English ? Cod Liver Oil Folk /Irish The Cliffs Of Moher Folk / Irish Dicey Reilly Folk /Irish Don't Give up Till Its Over Folk /Irish ? The Mancester Rambler Folk /Scottish/Ewan McColl Donald Whaur´s Yer Troosers Folk/Scottish Hard Times Folk /Stephen Foster /?? The Banks Of Newfoundland Folk/Canada The Thirty Foot Trailer Folk/Scottish/Ewan McColl Leave Us Our Glens Folk/Scottish/McCalmas Soor Mulk Cairt Folk/Scottish Let Us Drink And Go Hame Folk /Scottish Birnie Bouzle Folk/Scottish Yellow On The Broom Folk /Scottish A Rovin I Will Go Folk/Irish-American Where My Eileen is Waiting For Me Folk /Irish Man In The Moon Folk /Canada / Chris Whiteley Mairis Wedding folk / Scottish Mary Mack Folk / ?? The Rare Old Mountain Dew Folk / Irish Johnny Bucker Folk/Canada Follow Me Up To Carlow Folk / Irish A Jar Of Porter Folk/Irish Preap San Ol Folk /Irish /sang in English and Cealic Nelson´s Farewell Folk / Irish Spanish Lady Folk /Irish South Australia Folk / ?? The Unicorn Folk /?? /Shel Silverstein Back in Durhan Gaol Folk /Irish Danny Boy /London Derry Air Folk / Iish The Crack Was Ninety Folk/?? /Barney Rush Don't Get Married Folk / Irish Go To Sea Once More Folk /?? The Boys Of Killibegs Folk / Irish The Glendalough Saint Folk /Irish Reilly´s Doughter Folk / Irish The Old German Clockwinder Folk / Irish ?? New York Girls Folk / Irish Álfareiðin Folk/Icelandic Ég Finn Það Gegnum Svefninn Folk / Icelandic – Canadian Vetrarnótt Folk/Icelandic Krummavísur Folk/Icelandic Suðurnesjamenn Folk/Icelandic Á Sprengisandi Folk/Icelandic Þorrablót Folk/Icelandic Göngur Folk/Icelandic Morgun Bæn Folk/Icelandic Oftast Svellin Örlaga Folk /Icelandic Íslenskt Vögguljóð Folk/Icelandic Sílgræn Börð Folk/Icelandic Man Ég Bjarta Bæinn Folk/Icelandic Yfir Kaldan Eyðisand Folk/Icelandic Höldum Gleði Hátt Folk Icelandic Móðurjörð Hvar Maður Folk/Icelandic Uppi á Háa Hamrinum Folk /Icelandic Bíum Bíum Bambaló/Gone The Rainbow Folk / Irish Dýravísa folk /Icelandic Littlu Hjónin Folk /Sweden Vísur Vatnsenda Rósu Folk/Icelandic Siggi Var Úti Folk /Norway Senn Er Komið Folk/Icelandic Syngur Lóa Folk/Icelandic Kvöldsigling Folk /Icelandic Gefðu Móðurmál Mitt Hymn / ??? Unknown Dröttin Guð Hymn /Norway Ísland Folk/Icelandic Ó Faðir Gjör Mig Lítið Ljós Hymn / M.B.B. Edwards /?? Nú Hverfur Sól í Haf Hymn / Icelandic Í Bolungarvíkini Folk/Icelandic Ég veit Þú Kemur Folk / Icelandic –VestmannIsland Land Rover Folk / Icelandic / Skarpi Haraldsson/ Helgi Kristjánsson Vertu Sæl Mey Folk / Icelandic – VestmannIsland Sofðu Unga Ástin Mín Folk / Icelandic Móður Mín í Kví Kví Folk / Icelandic / one of oldest we know of Ver Du Min Visdom Hymn / Irish / From the year 700 hundred / text Norway So here you go hope you enjoy it took one hour too but this on . I also play dance music , so thats another 150 songs :>) All the Best skarpi Iceland |
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10 Mar 08 - 07:53 PM (#2284841) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Rog Peek The Wild West Show Rog |
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10 Mar 08 - 08:02 PM (#2284853) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Suegorgeous skarpi You sure you haven't muddled yer threads? *baffled* |
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10 Mar 08 - 08:03 PM (#2284855) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: skarpi Uhhh ??? |
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10 Mar 08 - 08:42 PM (#2284901) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,Captain Colin HA! Very droll skarpi. Sue- he's pretending to misread "filthy" as "fifty". Or maybe not, which is even funnier. |
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10 Mar 08 - 08:57 PM (#2284916) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Midchuck I can probably come up with fifty filthy songs that I know, if I think on the matter for a while. Can I count filthy parodies of "proper" songs? Including my own compositions? Peter |
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10 Mar 08 - 08:59 PM (#2284917) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Joe_F The Lobster |
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10 Mar 08 - 09:03 PM (#2284923) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Leadfingers 'Twas on the good ship Venus - My word you should have seen us - The Figurehead was painted red - and the masters' name was Greeners - Yo Ho Ho and we dont want any more beer |
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10 Mar 08 - 09:08 PM (#2284929) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Suegorgeous Capt Colin...I rather fear he's not pretending(!!), ha ha!...hmmm, tho praps not so funny if he spend an HOUR making that list! Do enlighten us, skarpi....*tries not to laff* |
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10 Mar 08 - 09:13 PM (#2284932) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: oldhippie Oscar Brand does them as well as anybody. Ball of Yarn Cats On the Rooftops We Are From Campus Hall |
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10 Mar 08 - 09:15 PM (#2284935) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,Captain Colin You may be right. He may be totally serious. I fervently hope so. |
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10 Mar 08 - 09:32 PM (#2284953) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,Granny In Wales The Twelve Days Of Christmas I Used To Work In Chicago Valencia (Stick your head between your legs and whistle up your Barcelona) Funiculee, Funicular (Squeezed it, teased it, bashed it on the wall) The Wanker Song She Stood On The Bridge At Midnight Sing Us Another One Do Caviar Comes From The Virgin Sturgeon Cats On The Rooftop One-Eyed Reilly |
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10 Mar 08 - 09:41 PM (#2284956) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Fergie Eh! I think Scarpi intended to contribute to a concurrent post entitled "Fifty Songs Everyone Should Know" |
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10 Mar 08 - 11:19 PM (#2285005) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Rowan Which means the hour he spent compiling his list is well spent rather than wasted. All he now has to do is a simple copy&paste to the other thread. Go, Skarpi! |
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10 Mar 08 - 11:36 PM (#2285018) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: topical tom Has anyone mentioned the "Masturbation Song"? Last night I contemplated masturbation, Oh wasn't it grand,oh wasn't it grand? Left hand, right hand, jerk it in and out, Left hand, right hand, flip it all about! Some will maintain that sexual intercourse is grand But for personal satisfaction I would rather use my hand! I heard this sung many years ago by a schoolteacher originally from Wales. |
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11 Mar 08 - 12:24 AM (#2285040) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: topical tom In the previous post I omitted a line.Between the second and third lines should be the following: Just a few taps from the back of the hand To make it stand, to make it stand. I've changed my mind. Here are a few more lyrics that I recall from a version of "The Balls of Kerrmuir": The village magician, he was there. He made a magic pass:he pulled his foreskin over his head And vanished up his ass. Singing balls...(chorus) The village doctor he was there sitting by the fire A-cutting contraceptives from an india rubber tire chorus The village idiot he was there sitting on a mat Amusing himself by abusing himself and catching it in his hat chorus Mercifully those are all the lyrics I remember! |
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11 Mar 08 - 01:30 AM (#2285065) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,Sonja Roll Your Leg Over Roll Me Over In The Clover (both have about as many verses as ya can come up with when y've had a few pints) And how about "Twiddles?" Maybe more double entendre than outright filthy, but still a keeper. |
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11 Mar 08 - 03:07 AM (#2285089) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: pavane All these and more are available on Llewtrah's bawdy song site. Sorry I don't have an up to date link though. And you should look at some of the old broadsides at the Bodleian library. There are many dated 1680 or so, saucy but not blatantly crude. And even Abram Brown the sailor, a predecessor of Barnacle Bill, in or around 1850. |
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11 Mar 08 - 03:21 AM (#2285093) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Murray MacLeod can we please establish once and for all that the song referred to several times on this thread is called "The Ball of Kirriemuir" "Ball", singular, as in a social gathering where people dance, and "Kirriemuir", not Kerrmuir, Kerrville, Kerrimuir or any of the other variants |
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11 Mar 08 - 03:30 AM (#2285095) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Dave Hanson Hands down winner, ' Beer And Sex And Chips And Gravy ' by The Macc Lads. eric |
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11 Mar 08 - 05:26 AM (#2285131) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: skarpi Sorry what other thread ?? I did not go through the page last night |
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11 Mar 08 - 07:20 AM (#2285171) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: The Fooles Troupe Well with the exception of skarpi - to whom I sorta apologise.... I think this thread is doing better than the original..... :-) |
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11 Mar 08 - 08:23 AM (#2285216) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,Captain Colin Rolling on the floor laughing! |
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11 Mar 08 - 01:28 PM (#2285450) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Suegorgeous Skarpi honey This thread asked for lists of FILTHY songs. You have given a list of FIFTY songs (most of which look distinctly unfilthy to me). Which did you mean to do? if FIFTY, you're on the wrong thread, and might want to copy-paste it to the right one? as you've spent some time on it.... :) |
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11 Mar 08 - 01:36 PM (#2285455) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: MMario Murray, correct or not, it is quite obvious the song is known by more then the one title. |
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11 Mar 08 - 02:07 PM (#2285477) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Snuffy But evry fule kno that the real title is "Four and Twenty Virgins" |
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11 Mar 08 - 02:33 PM (#2285502) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Bert Cathewsalem Nobby Hall Thrashing Machine Chandlers Wife The sexual desires of a camel |
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11 Mar 08 - 02:41 PM (#2285513) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: topical tom Sorry to drag this out like a dental procedure, but I just remembered another verse of our (I and my friends) version of "The Ball of Kirriemuir": There was f---ing in the hallways, There was f---ing on the stairs. You couldn't see the carpet for the mass of pubic hairs Singing balls...Chorus |
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11 Mar 08 - 04:54 PM (#2285647) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: danensis In between the songs, does anyone remember a series of running gags that started "To the woods, to the woods"? The next line was "Mummy wouldn't like it" and the response "Mummy isn't getting it". "I'll tell the vicar" "I am the vicar" "I'll tell the bishop then" "O.K. he's in the next bush".... and so on - I can't remember any more. |
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11 Mar 08 - 05:05 PM (#2285667) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Charley Noble Topical Tom- There are probably hundreds of verses of the Gathering of the Clan, one of its various titles, already posted on Mudcat, i.e. The queen was in the parlor eating bread and honey; The king was in the parlormaid and she was in the money... Cheerily, Charley Noble |
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11 Mar 08 - 05:16 PM (#2285673) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GrannyInWales To the woods, to the woods, with the rubber goods...! Little Girl: But I'm only thirteen! Vicar: This is no time for superstition L.G: I'll tell the Vicar Vicar: I am the Vicar! L.G.: My mother's not going to like this! Vicar: Your mother's not going to get it L.G: Besides, Mummy said I mustn't, the grass is wet and ten pence isn't enough! etc.... |
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11 Mar 08 - 06:14 PM (#2285737) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST, Billy Rubin Who did the parody, based on "Turkey in the Straw," with a chorus that finished thus: "Try to get a woman, get a woman if you can, If you can't get a woman, get a clean old man!" ?? |
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11 Mar 08 - 09:49 PM (#2285914) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Rowan OK, we've had enough fun at his expense. skarpi, I'll bet serious money you wanted to post your list to Fifty Songs Everyone Should Know but you misread the title and posted it here instead. Yours is a great list and it will languish, unworthily ignored, among the 'back of the bikesheds" material here unless you copy&paste it to the other thread. Cheers, Rowan |
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11 Mar 08 - 10:35 PM (#2285950) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GrannyInWales Billy Rubin: I've only ever heard your parody done by Ken Dodd: Tiddly winks, old man, get a woman if you can, etc |
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12 Mar 08 - 12:33 AM (#2286002) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Bert To be spoken with the low lecherous voice and replied with high pitched voice. To the woods, to the woods No! Not the woods, anything but the woods. ANYTHING!!! To the Woods, to the woods |
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12 Mar 08 - 04:07 AM (#2286068) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Dave Hanson This the one Billy Rubin Ting a ling goddam, find a woman if you can, If you can't find a woman find a clean old man, If you're ever in Gibralter try a flying fuck at Walter, Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hand low. ................... Do your balls hang low, can you heave 'em to and fro, Can you tie 'em in knot can tie 'em in a bow, Can you throw 'em o'er your shoulder like a continental soldier, Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low. From Bawdy Ballads by Ed Cray, marvellous book of rude songs. eric |
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12 Mar 08 - 06:19 AM (#2286122) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: The Fooles Troupe Lets take these here - Folklore: To the woods, to the woods! |
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02 Sep 08 - 03:39 AM (#2428419) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,warren fahey I have just finished compiling a book of bawdy songs and recitations circulated in Australia (available early 2009) and I am now looking for bawdy dance tune names as in Arse Over Anne for the varsovenia (various spellings) or ditties associated with dances. It is not uusual for dance band musicians to have bawdy titles since the audience cannot hear these 'in jokes'. Anyone have a contribution? |
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02 Sep 08 - 03:59 AM (#2428431) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: alison Warren "cock up your beaver" - should definately be included slainte alison |
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02 Sep 08 - 04:04 AM (#2428432) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Richard Bridge Hmm, no mention of two I would rather like to re-learn entirely: - The British Grenadier "But of all the world's diseases, there's none that can compare To the drip drip drip of the syphilitic prick Of teh Brisith gonorrhea" Whoredean School "We are from Whoredean Good girls are we we take a pride in our virginity When we go down to the Vicar for tea We only do it now and again And again and againand again and again And again and again and again" |
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02 Sep 08 - 05:29 AM (#2428458) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Bryn Pugh To the tune of La donn' e mobile Arseholes are cheap today Cheaper than yesterday. Choirboys are half a crown Stood up or lying down. Choirgirls are three and six With or without their knicks. The rector is five bob, He's got a huge knob. . . |
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02 Sep 08 - 05:01 PM (#2429189) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Steve Gardham Billy, British versions of 'Tiddly Wink' utilise the tune 'Sailor's Hornpipe' aka 'Jacky Tar' as opposed to 'Turkey in the Straw'. |
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02 Sep 08 - 05:25 PM (#2429214) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego I once heard a mock-Irish song, to the tune of "Turkey in the Straw," I think, the last two lines of the chorus being, "Try to get a woman, get a woman if you can, If you can't get a woman, get a clean old man!" Ms. Easby's take is quite to the point. Much of this thread deals with juvenile, sophomorish, sniggering, pre-pubescent and crude material - which is exactly why so many of us responded to it, I'm sure. |
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02 Sep 08 - 05:31 PM (#2429217) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: The Sandman There was a brave old scotsman at the Battle of Waterloo. To the tune of The British Grenadier. Down in Dartmoor Jail. Hitler has only got one Ball. |
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02 Sep 08 - 08:55 PM (#2429403) Subject: Lyr Add: RODEAN SCHOOL From: Leadfingers Roedean School We are from Roedean , good girls are we we take a pride in out virginity We take all precautions aginst undue abortions For we are from Roedean School Chorus Up School Up School Up School ) RIGHT Up School ) SHOUTED Lah De Dum Two finger sup your bum Lah de Dum Two fingers and a thumb Our Head Mistress her name is Gwen She only likes it now and again And again and again and again and again For she is from Roedean School When we go down to the beach for a swim Fellows remark on the size of our quim I bet you a dollar its like a horses collar For we are from Roedean School The under gardener is a bit of a fool He's only got a teeny weeny tool Its OK for keyholes and little girlies wee holes But we are from Roedean School |
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02 Sep 08 - 11:58 PM (#2429487) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,Jools No one has mentioned 'The Lusty Young Smith' with the classic verse Six times did his iron by vigorous beating Grow soft in the forge in a minute or so And each time it hardened still beating and beating But each time it softened it hardened more slow |
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03 Sep 08 - 06:07 AM (#2429651) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Bryn Pugh Roedean (Whoredean) School : addendum Our science master, Oh ! what a fool - He has got a gi-normous tool. It's all right for tunnels, and Queen Mary's funnels And for girls of Whoredean School Lah de dum, four fingers up your bum. What a farce - three fingers up your arse ! Resders' Wives - Ivor Biggun and the Red Nosed Burglars ? |
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03 Sep 08 - 06:58 PM (#2430331) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Bat Goddess I highly suggest another of Ed Cray's books -- The Erotic Muse -- first published by Oak Publications back in the '60s and updated about ten years ago by the University of Chicago Press. Ed's my favorite international bawdiologist and also an eminently readable biographer whose most recent biography is of Woody Guthrie. Linn |
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03 Sep 08 - 07:20 PM (#2430343) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Leadfingers Thomas D'Urfey - Pills to Purge Melancholy - A Wonderful collection of Bawdy Balladry from the seventeenth (I Think) Century |
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03 Sep 08 - 08:14 PM (#2430392) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: frogprince I was stationed on a submarine tender on Guam in 1965-66; Since then I've always had a weakness for "Didn't She Ramble", as recorded by Oscar Brand. "She", in this case, is "Miss VD of Guam". The first time I tried to find the lyric online, all I could find was references to the obscenity trial that ensued when the record came out. It's definitely eligible for the list. |
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04 Sep 08 - 01:31 AM (#2430557) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: pavane If you want juvenile, sophomorish, sniggering, pre-pubescent and crude material, track down the latest location of Llewtrah's song site (Sarah Hartwell). I don't have the link anymore, but I believe it's still out there. (You have to get past her cats now, though.) |
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04 Sep 08 - 05:19 AM (#2430628) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: pavane Llewtrah's rugby song site |
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04 Sep 08 - 06:15 AM (#2430647) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST, Sminky Found a copy of "Kiss Me Goodnight, Sergeant Major. The songs and ballads of World War II" at a car boot sale last week. A rich, fertile source of lewdness and depravity. |
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05 Nov 08 - 02:46 PM (#2485854) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: jordanleonard the lady of the manor is one of the best filthy songs ive heard its written by dr busker i think "you could hear the pounding hoofbeats as he raced toward the hall god save save up cried the butler he's going to f**k us all" ha what a singer |
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05 Nov 08 - 04:25 PM (#2485943) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: VirginiaTam Shave em Dry (the unexpurgated version) is about as filthy as it gets. No inuendo. Just bald faced, bare assed porn. I would never have the nerve to sing it. Even privately. |
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05 Nov 08 - 04:31 PM (#2485950) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST "I cannot remember the title of the song but the chorus is" Four and TWenty virgins I think mate. |
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05 Nov 08 - 04:38 PM (#2485957) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Bernard Buggerlugs, knicker legs and elastics away... |
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05 Nov 08 - 05:17 PM (#2486001) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: VirginiaTam Pavane... I forgot about Sarah Hartwell. Thanks for reminding me about her and for the link. |
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05 Nov 08 - 07:54 PM (#2486125) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: SussexCarole Big thank yous for the Roedean song. Years back I used to be in the Horsham High School hockey team and we used to play against Roedean and had the pleasure of taunting them with that song! (Oh happy memories. Former centre half....(or goalie) -no half measures |
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05 Nov 08 - 09:28 PM (#2486167) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: johnross Frigging in the Rigging |
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06 Nov 08 - 08:48 AM (#2486489) Subject: Lyr Add: BOLD SIR JOHN (from Two Ronnies) From: George Papavgeris Bold Sir John (from Two Ronnies sketch) Oh Bold Sir John was young and fair, and Bold Sir John was gay He said "I'll tread the morning dew, to take the air and listen to The twittering of the birds all day, the bumble bees at play" The twit…The twit…The twit…The twit…, the twittering of the birds all day The bum… The bum… The bum… The bum…, the bumble bees at play So Bold Sir John he went his way, observing natures farce "Dear mother earth oh tell me pray, why elephants live so long they say Your flies live but a day then they, drop dead upon the grass" Your flies… Your flies… Your flies… Your flies…, your flies live but a day then they Drop dead… Drop dead… Drop dead… Drop dead…, drop dead upon the grass Now Bold Sir John he met a maid, as on her back she lay "Please show respect and come not near, for I've seen may a maiden here Get lost among the new mown hay, so doff your hat I pray" Get lost… Get lost… Get lost… Get lost…, get lost among the new mown hay So doff… So doff… So doff… So doff…, so doff your hat I pray When Bold Sir John return-ed home, they gave him gin to try, "Nay fill me not with liquor up, nor give me grain nor grape to sup, Pour cowslips dew into my cup, a puritan am I" Pour cow… Pour cow… Pour cow… Pour cow…, Pour cowslips dew into my cup A pu… A pu… A pu… A pu…, A puritan am I |
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06 Nov 08 - 09:20 AM (#2486515) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Mrrzy Oh, I know a lot of French songs that do that repetition of a syllable thing, always dirty, but hadn't heard one in English yet! |
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06 Nov 08 - 02:08 PM (#2486759) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,Duncan McLeerie Surprised no-one's mentioned "The Great Plenipotentiary", said to have been composed by an eighteenth-century military man. Sample verse: "The next to be tried was an alderman's bride Whose cunt would have swallowed a turtle; She had horn'd the dull brows of her worshipful spouse Till they sprouted like Venus's myrtle; But he rammed her so full she roar'd out like a bull, And her cunt frothed like cream in a dairy So tight was she stuck by that wonderful fuck Of the great Plenipotentiary" To the tune of "Sean Buidhe" |
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06 Nov 08 - 02:12 PM (#2486764) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Celtaddict Linn, I just found a new favorite word! BAWDIOLOGIST! My dad would have loved that! |
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06 Nov 08 - 09:16 PM (#2487078) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Joe_F Mrrzy: A song on that pattern that has been around for a while is A sol-, a sol-, a soldier I would be, Two pis-, two pis-, two pistols on my knee, For cu-, for cu-, for curiosity, To fight for ****, to fight for ****, to fight for country. |
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06 Nov 08 - 09:58 PM (#2487119) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Don Firth Slightly different version of one posted above: He: To the woods!Don Firth |
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07 Nov 08 - 03:53 AM (#2487261) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Musket Ah well, Adge Cutler decided to make it almost printable when he did his version of The Ball of Kerriemuir. Being a Somerset lad, he changed the first verse to Four and twenty maidens came down from Portishead When the ball was over, the maidens lost their heads. Funny how songs evolve... To be funny enough for most audiences, a song has to imply, have double entendres or have the audience thinking one thing and the punch line is not lewd at all. Many entertainers can do this. However, as this is about folk songs as we perceive them, I agree with a posting somewhere up the screen that says The Bonny Black Hare is a good song. It certainly isn't double meaning! Shows the minds of our great great great grandads... |
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07 Nov 08 - 03:15 PM (#2487861) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,kenny They all pale into insignificance when you've heard Norman Kennedy or Danny Couper sing "The 9 Auld Hoors". |
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07 Nov 08 - 08:03 PM (#2488064) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Seamus Kennedy Warren Fahey - the Irish jig Banish Misfortune is often called by musicians 'Varnish My Foreskin'. Seamus |
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07 Nov 08 - 08:15 PM (#2488070) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Uncle_DaveO The first song that I ever wrote that was worth remembering. I still sing it, but even in these days of (relative) permissiveness, fairly innocent as the song is, I don't find too many audiences where I have nerve to sing it. The Little Girl Who Wore Red Shoes Dave Oesterreich |
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07 Nov 08 - 08:16 PM (#2488071) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Uncle_DaveO Poor Lil |
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07 Nov 08 - 08:24 PM (#2488075) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Joe_F Don Firth: Aliter: The whip! The whip! No! No! Not the whip! The whip! The whip! No! No! Anything but the whip! Anything? The whip! The whip! |
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07 Nov 08 - 09:08 PM (#2488102) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Lighter "Nine Auld Hoors" isn't in the DT - or anywhere on the Web. Words? Tune? Anyone? Anyone? |
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07 Nov 08 - 10:16 PM (#2488133) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Cluin Two Dutchmen, Two Dutchmen Were swimming in a ditch One called the other A dirty sonofa... |
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08 Nov 08 - 03:59 PM (#2488613) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,kenny Maybe better not, "Lighter" - there are limits..... I don't think "Mudcat" would stand the chorus. |
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08 Nov 08 - 04:07 PM (#2488619) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Joe Offer I dunno, Kenny. "Nine Auld Hoors" seems to be an appropriate song to post in a thread titled Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know. If people don't like it, they shouldn't be looking in a thread titled "Filthy Songs." -Joe Offer- |
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08 Nov 08 - 08:50 PM (#2488783) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Joe_F Lighter: Is "Nine Auld Hoors" perhaps an expansion of Four Old Whores of Liverpool? There is quite a bit about that one. |
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08 Nov 08 - 09:03 PM (#2488794) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Lighter Could be, Joe, could be. Will we ever know? |
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09 Nov 08 - 02:18 PM (#2489171) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,stringsinger I knew the song as the "Ball of Ballymuire". OK, you asked for it. My step-father sang this in the Merchant Marine. "Christopher Columbo". "They sailed past San Salvador in search of shining booty, A naked whore lay on the beach, my God she was a beauty. The sailor boys jumped overboard divesting shirts and collars. In fifteen minutes by the clock, she made ten-thousand dollars. Christopher Columbo, He thought the world was round-O! That masterbaiting, fornicating son-of-a bitch Columbo." (There is some truth in the sentiment since Columbus was a mass-murderer and exterminated the Taino and the Arawak Indians in San Salvador. Why they have Columbus Day in the States as a holiday I don't know. Frank |
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09 Nov 08 - 02:24 PM (#2489177) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Uncle_DaveO "Into the woods!" "NO!" "Into the woods!" "PLEASE, NO!!" "Into the woods!" "I'LL SCREAM!!!!!" "How loud can you scream?" "ahh!" "INTO THE WOODS!!!" |
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07 Jul 09 - 09:48 AM (#2673858) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST Oh the sun shines bright on Nelly Cartwright. She couldn't fart right her hole was air tight. and thennn there's my favorite: Put it in your mouth Mrs Murphy. It only weighs a quarter of a pound It's got hair all around it like a turkey and it spits when you rub it up and down. |
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22 Sep 10 - 09:41 PM (#2991911) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: GUEST,dilpek4 we used to sing this as kids going off to play army in the fields lol A sole - a sole - a soldier I shall be, two pis - two pis - two pistols on my knee, for cu - for cu - for curiosity, i'll fight for the count - i'll fight for the count - - i'll fight for the coun-ter-eeee. |
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23 Sep 10 - 09:44 AM (#2992196) Subject: RE: Filthy Songs Everyone Should Know From: Alaska Mike How about The Big Bamboo . |