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22 Mar 08 - 10:08 PM (#2295553) Subject: BS: Politics Explained From: GUEST,Guezzt FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need. FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk. PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you. DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you. PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk. REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk. BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows. PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you. LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. |
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22 Mar 08 - 11:13 PM (#2295584) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: Barry Finn Love it Barry |
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22 Mar 08 - 11:27 PM (#2295591) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: GUEST,Guezzt http://www.mattcutts.com/blog/the-best-business-card-ever/ |
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23 Mar 08 - 04:28 AM (#2295664) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: Georgiansilver Link to guezzts site |
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23 Mar 08 - 04:35 AM (#2295667) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: Folk Form # 1 I want a surrealist government. |
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23 Mar 08 - 09:23 AM (#2295807) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: Bobert ...lol... B:~) |
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23 Mar 08 - 09:43 AM (#2295818) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: Donuel REAGANOMIC CAPITALISM: Work to de regulate all dairy products, investment banks, toxic chemical companies and more. When this proves difficult, FIRE ALL INSPECTORS and hIre only 10 inspectors for 30,000,000 cows. CLINTON DEMOCRACY: Do the Republican's bidding on everything except tax policy and get impeached anyway. Marry a light haired cow and have sex with a dark haired cow. BUSH REGIEME: Look happier and happier as things grow worse and worse, to the point of singing and dancing on the White House Steps. Retire to a ranch with no cows. |
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23 Mar 08 - 09:48 AM (#2295824) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: GUEST,Guest OBAMA DEMOCRACY: |
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23 Mar 08 - 10:12 AM (#2295833) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: Donuel well... |
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23 Mar 08 - 10:57 AM (#2295854) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: GUEST,Guest CLINTON DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. They are privatized by the administration, and donated to your local dairy agribusiness (Clinton crony) for the tax write-off. A million dollars worth of chemicals are added to the feed to keep the cows healthy. The private sector sells you poisoned milk at inflated prices you can no longer afford. OBAMA DEMOCRACY: You clone all of the Clinton crony's cows, and sell the milk to you in shiny new packages, using a smart marketing campaign telling you it isn't milk from those old cows. These cows have hope, and this is their time. McCAIN DEMOCRACY: Clinton crony cows, along with the agribusiness countryside of your chief competitors, and the supermarket who donated to their election campaign, are bombed back to the Stone Age to keep you safe from milk contaminated by America's enemies. And those dirty Muslim terrorists too. |
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23 Mar 08 - 11:05 AM (#2295857) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: McGrath of Harlow CLINTONOCRACY: Hello, pretty little cow... |
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23 Mar 08 - 01:32 PM (#2295946) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: CarolC CAPITALISM, USA STYLE: You have two cows. You genetically engineer them to produce five times the amount of milk as the other cows, and then make thousands of clones of them. You then genetically engineer some of the clones to be bulls, and release them in the pastures of all of the other dairy farmers in the area. After they mate with the other farmers' cows, you then sue the other farmers for stealing intellectual property. |
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23 Mar 08 - 02:07 PM (#2295970) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: gnu CC! Hahahaha... well, maybe NOT so funny. |
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23 Mar 08 - 02:21 PM (#2295980) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: wysiwyg Mudcatocracy: You have 2 cows but you do not want to say which (if either) may be sacred. A religious state governed by the irreligious at the whim of the anti-religious (except in music which is the reverse). Folkeeocracy: No cow is sacred. Hey, "whatever," man, as long as you don't ever even start to look like you're telling ME what to do. Tradocracy: You have two dun cows, but not in MY back yard! PELocracy: Do whatever you like (even with cows) but not in a pub. Wikiocracy: Cows (disambiguated) according to whoever posts first, subject to editing. Googleocracy: Shop for Cows Here! ~S~ |
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23 Mar 08 - 02:29 PM (#2295989) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: Bat Goddess I just posted a comment to the blog that Guest: Guezzt and Georgiansilver linked to above. Here's what I said -- I am a digital pre-press production person (or graphic designer, if you prefer). While working on proprietary computerized typesetting equipment for a commercial printer in the early 1980s, I did two business cards for a friend of my husband from several ideas I, uh, "borrowed" from I think a paper company's sample/example pack of that era. One of them was very similar to the above (I modified and added to the list) and the other was "Professional Party Attendee" (Free within 200 mile radius; with or without clothes). Here's the multiple title one -- second hand furniture • whiskey • chemical fertilizers • nails fly swatters • abatoir equipment • kosher meats • live bait knit dress alterations • investment counseling Dennis Goodfriend (603) 942-0000 marriage counseling catch basin cleaning data processing bars emptied soft shoe dancer orgies organized revolutions started dinosaurs neutered governments run foreign trade consultant fashion model instruction charter bus service • Maine Guide • TV Guide I'm pretty sure the original was the advertising product of a paper company that was sent to commercial printers. Linn |
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23 Mar 08 - 02:36 PM (#2295993) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: Jim Lad Marijuana Democracy: You have two .... You have... em.. What was the question? |
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24 Mar 08 - 07:46 AM (#2296396) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: autolycus I want a world where every (potential) leader has to have been in therapy for a period to be determined, so their "stuff" (polite jargon) doesn't get dumped on the rest of us. For example, they'd have to deal witheir stuff about power, money, sex, other people et cetera, before being let loose to screw us. Ivor |
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24 Mar 08 - 07:54 AM (#2296402) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: jacqui.c Ivor - if they went into successful therapy they probably wouldn't want to stay in politics. |
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24 Mar 08 - 09:20 AM (#2296461) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: autolycus Ivor |
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25 Mar 08 - 04:45 AM (#2297066) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: freda underhill i want a world where children from warring countries/states are taught music together in school, so they grow up knowing how to make music together rather than war. |
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25 Mar 08 - 08:48 AM (#2297157) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: GUEST,Guest This is a joke thread, people. Y'all do get that, right? |
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25 Mar 08 - 03:57 PM (#2297517) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: autolycus Don't you think the idea of therapy for all leaders amusing? Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Communism is the reverse. Ivor |
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26 Mar 08 - 04:37 AM (#2297816) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: akenaton Yes......but do we only have two choices??? I don't think so! It's time all the Mudcat experts stated thinking outside the box. Native Americans had a workable society for thousands of years. We have destroyed our society and our environment in a couple of hundred years. Since the start of the Industrial Revolution. Nothing we have tried politically in the interim has made any impact on that destruction. The Native Americans must have been doing something right. Would it not be helpful to at least study primitive societies and try to learn something? |
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26 Mar 08 - 12:27 PM (#2298042) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: GUEST,Chicken Charlie Guest Guezzt (re post #1) You missed one part on the Bureaucracy thing. We need to add one more sentence: "The Vice-President announces that the handling of cows has been 100% successful." CC |
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26 Mar 08 - 02:59 PM (#2298156) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: autolycus I agree, akenaton. Ivor |
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26 Mar 08 - 05:46 PM (#2298297) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: Rowan "It doesn't matter who you vote for, it's always a politician that gets in!" Cheers, Rowan |
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26 Mar 08 - 09:02 PM (#2298429) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: GUEST,Guest Voting only encourages them to continue running. |
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27 Mar 08 - 02:45 AM (#2298537) Subject: RE: BS: Politics Explained From: freda underhill "You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror." George Bush, interview with CBS News' Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006 "The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th." George Bush, Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007 |