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26 Apr 08 - 04:45 PM (#2326464) Subject: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk Despite his high hopes, Chongo has failed to win a single music award at Kerrville for any of his self-penned and completely original songs, vigorously accompanied on banjo. He says it's anti-primate prejudice. I think it's more likely because he's tone deaf and extremely chauvinist in his sentiments, but perhaps I am being uncharitable when I say that. He figured that his uptempo ballad "She Had Legs From Here To Fresno and the Attitude to Match" would take top honors. He was mistaken. He should not have not have used the word "snatch" to close out the chorus, that's what I'm thinking. |
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26 Apr 08 - 04:47 PM (#2326467) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Megan L Little Hawk SKELP |
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26 Apr 08 - 04:55 PM (#2326476) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: John MacKenzie A wandering primate I, a thing of rags and patches, of ballads songs and snatches, and dreamy lullabies. With agopolies to G&S G |
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26 Apr 08 - 04:55 PM (#2326477) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Sorcha Oh, Hawkster, that is so very sad. But, did he get to meet and greet Lord Martin Gibson? Inquiring minds want to know! |
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26 Apr 08 - 04:58 PM (#2326480) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Slag Tell Chongo I will try to arrange some sessions with Ray Stevens. If he can't come up with a hit song for a chimp, no one can! |
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26 Apr 08 - 05:03 PM (#2326485) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: John MacKenzie Don't look Ethel!! |
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26 Apr 08 - 05:17 PM (#2326496) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk Megan, whit does "SKELP" mean? Is it a threat? An insult? Is it the acronym for "Scotts Ken that Eels Lurk in Privys"??? Whit? |
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26 Apr 08 - 05:22 PM (#2326503) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Megan L Laddie It's whit Granny Dom will dae tae yer bahookie till yer lugs wring if she ever catches up wie you or Chongo |
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26 Apr 08 - 05:28 PM (#2326505) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Sorcha I believe it has to do with sharp kinves and tender bits, Hawkster. Now, did Chongo give our old MG a banana? Or just a peel? |
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26 Apr 08 - 05:35 PM (#2326511) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk I think Chongo was hoping to bust his coconuts if he got the chance. Megan - I love the way you talk. We have to arrange some "quality time" together... ;-) |
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26 Apr 08 - 05:39 PM (#2326513) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: John MacKenzie Och jings LH, ye dinnae ken whit ye hiv took oan wi oor Meg. Thon wee Glascae bauchles, mak maist wimmen look like puff candy compared tae McCowan's toffee. Ah widnae be arrangin' thon quality time if ah wis ye, unless yer insurance, an' yer last will an' testiclement is up tae date. Giok |
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26 Apr 08 - 05:43 PM (#2326517) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk Well, I was just thinking of rewriting my will, actually, John. Do you have any thoughts on how to dispose of a lifesize bronze statue of William Shatner wearing a speedo? (It's a representation of the younger Shatner, circa 1967. A magnificent sight to behold and quite a conversation piece.) |
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26 Apr 08 - 05:52 PM (#2326521) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Amos The skelp is that part of you that gets torn off in a single pull if you mess with the wrong Scots lass, see, Little Hawk. As for primate envy, I think Chongo has as much of it toward Man as the other way around. A |
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26 Apr 08 - 05:53 PM (#2326524) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: John MacKenzie I would think an odometer would be a better bet for a man of his advanced years. G |
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26 Apr 08 - 06:22 PM (#2326538) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk I don't follow you. Me or Shatner? |
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26 Apr 08 - 06:25 PM (#2326539) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Rapparee The Shatner statue could make a conversation-stopping lamp. Especially the switch. |
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26 Apr 08 - 06:28 PM (#2326541) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Emma B skelp (skelp) transitive verb Brit., Dialectal to slap or spank Etymology: Middle English shelpen, to beat, flog or maybe..... 'Aw'll gi thi a cleawt' :) There are some wonderful regional dialects in the UK that people still use in everday speech One of our own mudcatters has had a poem in her own Lancashire dialect published in an anthology of dialect verse 'From Lancashire lips' |
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26 Apr 08 - 08:10 PM (#2326577) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: CarolC Speaking of Shatner and Kerrville, here's a picture of me and Shatner at Kerrville about three years ago... http://www.alcdv.com/shat1.jpg We have a friend who's at Kerrville right now. He was catching us up on the news there last night, and he told us that Chongo had a bit of a medical emergency while giving a little impromptu concert down by the lines to the ladies' showers. He sang a song he wrote at the song writing workshop called, "Private Dick - Folkie Chick, Come To My Tent And We'll Do It Quick". They had to give him ten stitches on his left brow after one of the women threw a folding stool at him. |
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26 Apr 08 - 08:13 PM (#2326579) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Bobert Danged... And after all that work!!! |
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26 Apr 08 - 08:25 PM (#2326584) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor Of course right after the vet patched him up he went to the singin' tree and unveiled his newest number. Oooh Oooooh AaaaH Aaaah, I Love Your Ta Taaas! |
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26 Apr 08 - 08:26 PM (#2326585) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Slag '67? Wasn't he wearing the corsette at that time? I'm sure the lines would have shown through a speedo, unless, that is, the artist used his artistic license. Chongo, old buddy, you've had my back on several occasions, I owe ya. I'm gonna see what I can do. |
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26 Apr 08 - 08:33 PM (#2326589) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk It may have been '65. Either that or the people who did the statue took a little bit of artistic licence with the Shatner bod. Sorry to hear about Chongo's accident. I really think he's playing to the wrong audiences. He should be playing Dallas whorehouses and places of that sort with his present repertoire. I told him that, but he never listens. He wants to be known as a serious "artiste" for some reason and hobnob with the intellectual crowd. |
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26 Apr 08 - 08:42 PM (#2326594) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor If it was our MG, his winning songs would have titles like these. F*** off F*** Face and The Guy's are C***s Too |
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26 Apr 08 - 08:44 PM (#2326597) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor >>He wants to be known as a serious "artiste" for some reason and hobnob with the intellectual crowd.<< No one told him that Kerrville was full of burnt out hippies and Nashville wannabes? |
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26 Apr 08 - 08:48 PM (#2326603) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk Poor Chongo! Another big disappointment is all this episode is going to be for him. Another grand illusion brought crashing down. Another splendid romance shot to hell. Another beautiful dream squelched. I told him to go sing his songs under Paris Hilton's balcony instead. I think he would have a half decent chance with her, I really do. And she has long legs. |
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26 Apr 08 - 09:13 PM (#2326614) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Slag Yeah, the leg thing, that's a problem with the Bonobo babes. |
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26 Apr 08 - 09:31 PM (#2326619) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Rapparee May be, but Chongo can't compete with them drunken Indian elephants Paris is supposed to be helpin' sober up. |
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26 Apr 08 - 11:06 PM (#2326640) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk Well...it is amazing what they can do with their trunks. But elephants can't jump. Don't forget that. |
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26 Apr 08 - 11:11 PM (#2326642) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor Chongo's secret love weapons, prehensile feet! But wash them first! |
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26 Apr 08 - 11:15 PM (#2326646) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk If it wasn't for the fact that he hates the word "monkey" ever being applied to a chimp, I'd say that Chongo is THE number one LOVE MONKEY of the western world!!! Man, think what he could do if he also had a prehensile tail! |
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27 Apr 08 - 01:19 AM (#2326669) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor I know Chongo and he ain't no Bonobo!! |
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27 Apr 08 - 04:10 AM (#2326700) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Megan L Dear Chongo Thank you for the note. Its ok laddie ah ken fine weel yer nae responsible fur thon wee scunner LH. A widny haud him against ye but a dae think he fair ruind yer chance at becomin president ye wid hae done a fine job o it to. when ye see him next wid ye tell him frae Granny that hes neither that big nor that ugly that he canny go across her knee if he missbehaves. Yours Granny Dom |
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27 Apr 08 - 05:51 AM (#2326749) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: John MacKenzie OH boy LH you are in big trouble, that Megan sure packs a wallop, when you've been skelped by her, you stay skelped. One small consolation though, her legs are so short, that you won't suffer from vertigo too. G. |
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27 Apr 08 - 01:19 PM (#2326960) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk She cairtainly has a way wi' words. Whit dialect is it? Frae whit part o' Scotland? |
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27 Apr 08 - 01:29 PM (#2326966) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Barry Finn "Do you have any thoughts on how to dispose of a lifesize bronze statue of William Shatner wearing a speedo?" Send it to SINSUL, perfect gift for her, she'll know exactally what to do with it. She always does n=in these matters. She would also straighten out Chongo's altitude too. Barry |
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27 Apr 08 - 01:34 PM (#2326970) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk No one can straighten out Chongo's altitude. |
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27 Apr 08 - 01:38 PM (#2326976) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: John MacKenzie Can you teach Chongo to play banjo? I mean, how difficult can it be? G {I'll get me coat, and me suit of armour] |
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27 Apr 08 - 03:21 PM (#2327047) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor Press release from Bobby MacDale pan primate musical manager. Chongo Chimp has decided to introduce a seafaring repertoire to the folk music scene. Playing banjo with his hands and concertina with his prehensile feet he has a surprisingly full sound. He is appealing to the huge untapped lower primate audience with such reworked favorites as "What do ya do with a Drunkin Baboon?", "Blow the Ape Down" and the "Monkey's Hornpipe" as well as originals like "The Ballad of the Hartlepool Monkey" and "Proboscis Monkey's Floating in the Moon Light." |
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27 Apr 08 - 03:30 PM (#2327053) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk Excellent! Count on Chongo to quickly adept to changing situations. |
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27 Apr 08 - 08:11 PM (#2327209) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: JennieG Chongo is nothing if not versatile and adaptable, I'm sure. As well as the aforementioned banjo and concertina, does he clap a cymbal between his knees to emphasise the beat? After all, a chimp needs the occasional percussion doesn't he. I'm sure for such an intelligent one as he seems to be, it would be no problem to add an extra instrument? Cheers JennieG |
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27 Apr 08 - 08:18 PM (#2327212) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Slag When you see Chongo show up with an insturment case you never know what to expect. |
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27 Apr 08 - 08:59 PM (#2327231) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor I didn't want to say this in polite company, but I've heard that he plays the bongoes with his butt cheeks. |
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27 Apr 08 - 09:58 PM (#2327262) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Rapparee Ya know, I can see Chongo up on stage in Kerrville, strumming his cute little ukelele and singing "I went to the Animal Fair." |
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28 Apr 08 - 01:28 AM (#2327324) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor Or I want the animal, fair. |
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28 Apr 08 - 01:30 AM (#2327326) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk When Chongo arrives with a banjo case, relax. He's there to play music. When he arrives with a violin case, leave at once. |
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28 Apr 08 - 03:35 AM (#2327366) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Megan L And if he arrives wie a guitar case hit the deck and crawl tae safety. Haud oan thats the same wie certain supposed human catters as weel. Meg*headin fur the safety of the bnig old table |
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28 Apr 08 - 12:30 PM (#2327729) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk "bnig"? Whit are ye tryin' tae sae? |
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28 Apr 08 - 12:31 PM (#2327730) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: John MacKenzie You never played Bnig LH? |
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28 Apr 08 - 12:40 PM (#2327736) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk I hae not plaid the game. Whit is it like? |
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28 Apr 08 - 12:49 PM (#2327750) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp What's wrong with you bozos? Can't none of you spell right or even talk right? Geez! You oughta come to Chicago and learn how to talk like an American fer a change. You sound like you got half a potatoe stuck in the left side of yer mouth or somethin'. Well, anyway, Kerrville turned out to be not bad. Coulda been better, but not bad. I even met that jerk Martin Gibson. The guy couldn't play his way out of a wet paper bag. I'm tellin' ya, if he tried to play one of them old burlesque places in Cincinnati they'd hafta end up carryin' him out unconscious on a gurney. They hate sissies in them places. |
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28 Apr 08 - 01:28 PM (#2327780) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Megan L Listen Ya wee Scunner LH ahm auld an ahm tired an a canny spell fur toffee. But even thon drated deformed proboscus kens a meant BIG. Youse yins are in bother THIS BITCH BITES |
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28 Apr 08 - 01:30 PM (#2327782) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: John MacKenzie So ladylike! |
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28 Apr 08 - 01:33 PM (#2327786) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Megan L Aye you anaw sunshine |
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28 Apr 08 - 03:28 PM (#2327901) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk Weel if ye want tae sae "big" then sae BIG! |
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28 Apr 08 - 03:37 PM (#2327909) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: John MacKenzie Ah prefer tae use the word muckle, it's a braw word, an' mair Scotttish onyweys. An whit's mair laddie, ah dinnae ken ony reason why thon wee Megan should hae tae tak aw thon haird words, jist because she maks a wee bittie typo. If ah wis ye, ah'd be weel feart, if she gauns oan an airyplane and flees ower tae your side o' the ditch, ah widnae like tae be in your shoon laddie. Time tae practice yer fast getaway methinks LH. G |
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28 Apr 08 - 03:51 PM (#2327923) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Megan L would you two please communicate in a recognisable language. |
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28 Apr 08 - 04:50 PM (#2327973) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: gnu Megan? |
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28 Apr 08 - 07:36 PM (#2328178) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: GUEST,Chief Chaos Although the percussive sounds are coming from that particular region...It ain't bongos! A very talented ape! Chongo, you were ripped off! Probably because you didn't arrange for a little "wardrobe" malfunction for the judges! |
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28 Apr 08 - 08:45 PM (#2328208) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Rapparee Wardrobe? Chongo? What's WRONG with a dark blue pinstriped suit, a black shirt, white tie, and white-and-brown shoes? Now a wardrobe malfunction would have been if Chongo was wearing spats, but he's got a lot more class than THAT! |
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28 Apr 08 - 09:12 PM (#2328223) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk Yeah, Chongo dresses with dignity like one of those old-time Blues players back in the 40's. |
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29 Apr 08 - 03:43 AM (#2328360) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: JennieG And of course a hat too...don't forget the chapeau..... Dignity and class, that's what this thread says to me. As does Chongo. Cheers JennieG who has decided that Chongo is her new pin-up boy |
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29 Apr 08 - 01:41 PM (#2328829) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Donuel Perhaps if Chomgo had a hammered dulcimer for some of the tunes, people would have gotten some relief from the unrelenting twangs of the banjo. jus a thot. |
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29 Apr 08 - 02:06 PM (#2328860) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Little Hawk He's been fooling around with the saxophone some too. Trouble is, you can't sing and play a sax at the same time. |
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29 Apr 08 - 04:02 PM (#2328984) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor >>Trouble is, you can't sing and play a sax at the same time.<< Maybe if he worked a bellows with his prehensile feet? |
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29 Apr 08 - 04:07 PM (#2328991) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: John MacKenzie Was he singing 'Gorilla my Dreams I Love you, honest I do ♫♪' ? |
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29 Apr 08 - 04:34 PM (#2329007) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: GUEST,Chief Chaos T'ain't nothin' wrong with Chongo's wardrobe! I'm just suggestin' a reason why those knucklehead judges might have passed him up! I might have to go have me a chat with the King about this! And I ain't talkin' blue suede shoes here! |
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29 Apr 08 - 05:08 PM (#2329039) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Rapparee Chongo dresses as well as anybody who lives in Chicago. That's a high-tone, classy town, Chicago is! |
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30 Apr 08 - 05:36 AM (#2329526) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: John MacKenzie I thought MG came from Chicago? |
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30 Apr 08 - 09:07 AM (#2329684) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Rapparee From the suburbs. Chongo's from the gritty streets where the real people live and drink from bottles inside brown paper bags. |
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30 Apr 08 - 09:21 AM (#2329698) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: John MacKenzie Big bag, or small chimp? |
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30 Apr 08 - 09:24 AM (#2329701) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Rapparee Depends upon what the drinker can afford. Usually a big bag hiding a big bottle of bad muscatel. |
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30 Apr 08 - 09:25 AM (#2329705) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: John MacKenzie I thought you meant the people were inside the paper bags, while they drank |
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30 Apr 08 - 12:42 PM (#2329870) Subject: RE: BS: Chongo fails to place at Kerrville From: Rapparee They only do that in Scotland when they are sipping the truly excellent products of Kentucky's stills. |
