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17 May 08 - 12:09 PM (#2342926) Subject: BS: Gorilla-Gate. Is it the end for Chongo? From: Little Hawk On May 13th Chongo Chimp sent a seismic shock wave through the 2008 presidential election campaign with this shocking diatribe against gorillas: "They're butt ugly. They stink. Most of 'em got a brain about the size of a pea, and it has to think through about 6 inches of solid bone all around. Not good. Never ask a gorilla to solve a simple problem for you, you will end up with a far bigger problem: the frikkin' gorilla! Talkin' to a gorilla is a lot like talkin' to a tractor or a dead dog, only the tractor won't talk back and the dead dog won't bite. Gorillas are the grit in life's vaseline. They ain't worth the time to spit on or the cost of a bullet. If they was all shipped off to Schenectady, that would be just fine with me. I don't like Schenectady much, and I ain't goin' there any time soon. How many gorillas does it take to change a lightbulb? Too many, that's how many. If you got a lightbulb that needs changin', my advice is do it yourself and save a whole bunch of unnecessary trouble." Videos of the Chongo statement on Youtube have received more than 20 million hits already and the controversy refuses to go away. Gorillas have abandoned the Chongo campaign in droves, mostly switching their support to either Hillary Clinton (43%) or Barack Obama (41%), with 6% of gorillas saying they will vote for McCain, 2% for Nader, and 8% still undecided. Several violent incidents have erupted in the Chicago area involving confrontations between Chongo supporters and angry gorillas. Chongo has thus far refused to issue a retraction, but all indications are that some statement on his part will soon be forthcoming to "stem the bleeding" and get his campaign back on track, although most pundits feel that he has probably been done irreparable damage by what has come to be known as Gorilla-Gate. Is this the end for Chongo's hopes? Has the dream of putting a chimp into the Oval Office in 2008 been decisively stopped dead in its tracks? "Let me put it this way," said Bert Zielkowski, political commentator for W-APE in Chicago. "At the beginning of this campaign Chongo's chances of being elected president of the USA were about as good as the chances of a blind, three-legged, 30-year-old horse winning the Kentucky Derby. His chances now are more comparable to the chances of that same horse winning the Kentucky Derby if it had also died a week before the race." |
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17 May 08 - 12:42 PM (#2342943) Subject: RE: BS: Gorilla-Gate. Is it the end for Chongo? From: Bill D "I never Metaphor I didn't like" -Will Rogers |
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17 May 08 - 05:30 PM (#2343099) Subject: RE: BS: Gorilla-Gate. Is it the end for Chongo? From: Little Hawk Well, here's an interesting development! A Gorilla in Chicago has spoken up in defence of Chongo, thus breaking ranks with his fellow gorillas. Big Harry Bongnetz is a well-known Gorilla sports announcer, and he has come out in defence of Chongo. Here is his statement. "Okay, now listen up, youse guys. This whole Gorilla-Gate brouhaha is just a big joke. Youse are all missin' the point totally. I know Chongo pretty well and I know for a fact that he was not even one bit serious when he said any of them things. He was engagin' in what I would call really broad satire. He was deliberately lampoonin' an extreme form of specism in order to, like, show people exactly how idiotic it is. There is no way Chongo could say them dumb things and really mean them, specially when he needs the gorilla vote! I mean, get real!!! It just ain't plausible. He was puttin' on the act to make the point. The trouble with all youse literal-minded types is you can't see farther than skin deep. You got no idea to look under the surface. Chongo was doin' a broad satire of the specist mentality at its ugliest and people just don't get it. Gettin' mad at Chongo over this is as dumb as all them people gettin' mad over that song "Short People" or that movie about that guy Borat from Whateveristan. What is the matter with you silly apes? Have you all gone soft in the head? Chongo was expectin' everyone to just bust out laughin' when he made that little speech, specially us gorillas fer Chrissake! But he didn't realize he was talkin' to an audience that is so dumb and quick to take offense that they can't think past the letter "B" in the alphabet before their knee jerks so hard that they kick themselves in the teeth. Man, I can't believe this GorillaGate nonsense! Here you all are runnin' around yellin' yer heads off about Chongo Chimp bein' specist when he is the staunchest defender of primates that yer ever gonna see make a run for the White House. I don't know about you, but I am votin' for Chongo in November. And you will too if you got any sense at all in yer thick heads. Grow up and get serious! Geez. Youse apes amaze me, you really do." Will Big Harry's impassioned words serve to cool this volatile situation down? Only time will tell. |
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17 May 08 - 05:52 PM (#2343115) Subject: RE: BS: Gorilla-Gate. Is it the end for Chongo? From: Megan L BREAKING NEWS Big Harry In love triangle with a ring tailed Lemur. Miss Floosy Lemar denied everything saying "Big Harry is just a good friend" neither would comment on the third party in this meange a trois but he is said to be a certain banjo playing primate politico. Chongos press office could not be reached for comment |
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17 May 08 - 05:54 PM (#2343117) Subject: RE: BS: Gorilla-Gate. Is it the end for Chongo? From: Bobert I'm ain't gettin' in the middle of this other than to say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder... B~ |
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17 May 08 - 05:55 PM (#2343118) Subject: RE: BS: Gorilla-Gate. Is it the end for Chongo? From: Little Hawk Man, the dirt just gets deeper! |
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17 May 08 - 06:05 PM (#2343129) Subject: RE: BS: Gorilla-Gate. Is it the end for Chongo? From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Finally! Finally I get to hear a voice of reason from Big Harry Bongnetz, a pillar of the local primate community in Chicago. Of COURSE I didn't mean any of them things I said seriously. I mean, geez, how could anyone think so? Un-frikkin'-believable! Why, many of my best pals are gorillas. Anyone knows that. I been a friend to gorillas ever since I landed on the shores of this great country back in the 20's and I ain't never changed on that. No sir. King Kong is almost like a deity to me, and gorillas are my blood brothers. We stand together in solidarity for the rights of all primates, large and small, irregardless of creed or color or hairstyle. As fer them allegations about Miss Floozy Lemar, that don't even deserve comment. I am disgusted by them allegations, and the tiny minds behind them should crawl back in the hole they all crawled out of. None of this stuff is gonna stick to me because it ain't true. It's just a bunch of scurrilous slander, that's what it is. Them that know me best ain't fooled by this kind of crass disinformation. - Chongo |
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17 May 08 - 06:13 PM (#2343140) Subject: RE: BS: Gorilla-Gate. Is it the end for Chongo? From: Amos Chongo: I recently suggested to your friend Leedle Hack that your search for nomination should be curtailed, in light of certain events in the garage above Miz Chinga's Undergound SpeakEasy back in April of '31, about three in the morning, which cost the North Side gang some of their best gorilla gunners. Not that you had anything to do with it, but do we really want the media re-investigating this long dead A |
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17 May 08 - 06:27 PM (#2343158) Subject: RE: BS: Gorilla-Gate. Is it the end for Chongo? From: Megan L Miss lemar rushed intae the mudcat tavern and hung upside doon frae the beer tap demanding four double rums wie plenty o coconuts. Weel we think she wis upside doon but she wis greetin that much her make up had run so we wurny sure. She wis howlin about an ungreatful son of an aye aye and how she had given him the best years o her life. P.S might be best to advise Chongo to drink elswhere till we manage tae get those coconuts away from her |
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17 May 08 - 07:18 PM (#2343183) Subject: RE: BS: Gorilla-Gate. Is it the end for Chongo? From: McGrath of Harlow She's a real doll, though, isn't she, this Miss Floosy!!! |
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17 May 08 - 07:41 PM (#2343192) Subject: RE: BS: Gorilla-Gate. Is it the end for Chongo? From: Little Hawk Nice eyes! |
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17 May 08 - 08:29 PM (#2343236) Subject: RE: BS: Gorilla-Gate. Is it the end for Chongo? From: Amos I am warning you guys -- don't let Chongo anywhere near those batting eyelashes, or Miss Lemur will be in an awkward condition in short order. And when Chinga finds out she's likely to tear them BOTH limb from limb and poke the lemur's eyes out with her favorite ant-fishing stick. A |
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18 May 08 - 02:20 PM (#2343739) Subject: RE: BS: Gorilla-Gate. Is it the end for Chongo? From: Little Hawk Just because you are on Obama's payroll, Amos, is no reason for you to be taking these kind of cheap shots at Chongo and spreading gross disinformation. I predict that it will come back to haunt you in due course of time. |