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08 Jul 08 - 04:27 AM (#2383552) Subject: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Phil Edwards It just occurred to me that things would have been very different if the outlandish knight had been a bit brighter, or else not had such good manners. "Well, maybe not, but it's not exactly fitting that I'm killing you in the first place, is it? Go on, get 'em off." |
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08 Jul 08 - 04:35 AM (#2383556) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Paul Burke He was only outlandish once she'd chucked him off the cliff. He was inlandish up to that point. |
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08 Jul 08 - 04:45 AM (#2383558) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Liz the Squeak What about if that sea captain hadn't been so stubborn about setting sail on Christmas day? Or in that gale, no matter how fine and pleasant it was? LTS |
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08 Jul 08 - 04:48 AM (#2383559) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Joe What if John Barleycorn was attacked by a parasitic fungus? |
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08 Jul 08 - 05:12 AM (#2383566) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: fat B****rd What if the banjo player eluded the irate band of music lovers.... |
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08 Jul 08 - 05:18 AM (#2383568) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Jack Blandiver What if Lucy Wan had been on the pill? |
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08 Jul 08 - 05:21 AM (#2383571) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Sailor Ron Or is Lady Arland's page couldn't swim! |
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08 Jul 08 - 06:37 AM (#2383592) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller Or if Janet in Tam Lim didn't believe in fairies. Or if the page in Little Musgrave had decided it would be much more fun to just watch through the keyhole. |
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08 Jul 08 - 06:42 AM (#2383596) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller And woe be to the little footpage And an ill death may he die For he's put his eye to the keyhole As his hand into his fly |
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08 Jul 08 - 06:54 AM (#2383605) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Jack Blandiver Or if the page in Little Musgrave had decided it would be much more fun to just watch through the keyhole Then it would have been Child #27 rather than Child #81! |
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08 Jul 08 - 06:56 AM (#2383607) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller And if Sir Patrick Spens had had any bottle… The first line that Sir Patrick read A loud, loud laugh left him He screwed the letter in a ball And chucked it in the bin "Oh who is this has done this deed And told the King of me If he thinks I'm sailing this time of year He's off his bloody tree." |
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08 Jul 08 - 07:21 AM (#2383618) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller Hey, this is fun! Oh Polly, lovely Polly the rout has now begun And I must go a marching to the beating of the drum Go dress yourself all in your best and come along with me I'll take you to the wars, my love, in High Germany. Alright, just give me minute to put my face on. |
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08 Jul 08 - 07:36 AM (#2383627) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: pavane Perhaps all these DID happen - but there wouldn't have been a song about them. |
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08 Jul 08 - 07:39 AM (#2383628) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Liz the Squeak What if Barbara Ellen had opted for a night in with a pizza and a copy of 'Cosmo'? LTS |
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08 Jul 08 - 07:41 AM (#2383632) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bonnie Shaljean Tom Pierce, Tom Pierce, lend me thy gray mare... NO! Sod off. |
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08 Jul 08 - 07:56 AM (#2383640) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: A Wandering Minstrel or One morning in May at the dawn of the day I pulled a sickie and in bed I did stay. (thereby avoiding the paternity suit) |
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08 Jul 08 - 10:51 AM (#2383782) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,SqueezeMe Oh Polly, lovely Polly the rout has now begun And I must go a marching to the beating of the drum Go dress yourself all in your best and come along with me I'll take you to the wars, my love, in High Germany. In these shoes? (Apologies to the late Kirsty McColl) |
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08 Jul 08 - 11:00 AM (#2383788) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller As I walked out one May morning… …it was peeing down so I went in again. |
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08 Jul 08 - 11:09 AM (#2383796) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Severn I always used the "NO!" with "Children Go Where I Send Thee". More realistic, somehow..... |
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08 Jul 08 - 11:10 AM (#2383797) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Joe I think it's very unkind of you to ask of me to sing... ...so I'm going to play my Banjo instead |
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08 Jul 08 - 11:13 AM (#2383798) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,SqueezeMe If the letter of Marque from the King had been lost in the mail, there might have been one less legless fisherman on a Halifax pier.... |
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08 Jul 08 - 11:17 AM (#2383800) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Paul Burke Did she always return? Yes, she always returned, Her fate, it has often been learned, Though for years and years she tried to leave the harbour The ship she always returned. .... They found him in the pub with his hand on a bottle And tucking into pie and mushy peas.... |
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08 Jul 08 - 11:46 AM (#2383833) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee When first I came to Louisville My fortune there to find I fell in with some gay young men Who fondled my behind.... Down in the West Texas Town of El Paso I took one look and around left on the next train. |
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08 Jul 08 - 11:52 AM (#2383838) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Lord Batman's Kitchener What if 1954 had never happened? |
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08 Jul 08 - 11:52 AM (#2383840) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee You may sing and boast and talk about your Fenians and your clans And how the boys from County Cork beat up the Black and Tans, But I know a little codger who came out without a scar Since he lived in Kansas City and he never went to war. |
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08 Jul 08 - 05:39 PM (#2384172) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Linda Kelly and then there was the poetry In Xanadu, did Kubla Khan a mighty pleasure dome decree The entrance fee was 2 pounds eight But once inside the drinks were free. |
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08 Jul 08 - 07:38 PM (#2384249) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Kent Davis GET UP AND BAR THE DOOR (WEST VIRGINIA VERSION) verse 4 Three robbers came along the way, They walked right up and were shot dead. (song ends) Kent |
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08 Jul 08 - 07:51 PM (#2384256) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: The Fooles Troupe What if that page HADN'T had a duplicate key? Nonny, nonny.. |
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08 Jul 08 - 08:51 PM (#2384289) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee I am a weaver, I live all alone. End of song. |
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08 Jul 08 - 10:03 PM (#2384319) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee What if the Provost had said to his men, "Saddle your horses, we're hanging Dundee!"??? |
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08 Jul 08 - 10:44 PM (#2384337) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Skivee I met a traveller from an antique land Who said: Don't bother going. There's not much there but sand. |
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09 Jul 08 - 12:06 AM (#2384368) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,SqueezeMe What if Spencer the Rover had joined the Boys' Brigade instead? |
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09 Jul 08 - 08:09 AM (#2384551) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: A Wandering Minstrel isn't this fun? I would have gone to Sammy's Bar But the last boat had left or even Hangman, hangman stay your hand, and wait wi' me a while for I think I see my own true love.... No, sorry, it's somebody else. |
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09 Jul 08 - 08:14 AM (#2384558) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Bob L ...I'd never sit down with travellers who drank red wine with fish... |
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09 Jul 08 - 08:25 AM (#2384568) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller It was late that night when the Lord came in, Enquiring for his Lady-o And the servant girl said she's just popped out, To buy pegs from the Raggle Taggle Gypsy-o Love this thread! |
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09 Jul 08 - 08:29 AM (#2384573) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller And where would folk music be in Radcliffe Highway had never been built? |
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09 Jul 08 - 08:45 AM (#2384588) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Dave the Gnome Oh Polycell, oh Polycell The grouting's now begun... As I was a walking, a rambling one day I spied a yourng couple, so sweet did they stray One was a young man, a brave grenadier The other was a sailor, I think they were queer... And of course the classic blues song I didn't wake up this mornin... Good game, good game :D |
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09 Jul 08 - 08:49 AM (#2384594) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller Dave LOL! Are you going to Scarborough Fair? Dodgems, waltzers, candyfloss and spivs. |
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09 Jul 08 - 10:40 AM (#2384679) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh Are you going to Scarborough Fair ? No. |
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09 Jul 08 - 10:42 AM (#2384680) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh Will ye gang tae the Hielan's, Leezie Lyndsay ? You must be f*cking joking, pal ! |
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09 Jul 08 - 10:43 AM (#2384684) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh Oh, the shearing's not for you, my bonny lassie, O Oh ? Says who ? I'll get me phillabeg . . . |
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09 Jul 08 - 10:44 AM (#2384686) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller Are you going to Scarborough Fair? Don't be stupid, there hasn't been a fair in Scarborough for two hundred years |
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09 Jul 08 - 11:16 AM (#2384720) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller Speed bonnie boat like a bird on the wing Onward the sailors cry But it's much quicker to get in the car And drive over the bridge to Skye |
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09 Jul 08 - 11:54 AM (#2384759) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Michael For UK 'catters:_ Oh the Shearing's not for you, bonny lassie o. Thats Ok I'm going with Hoseason's Mike |
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09 Jul 08 - 12:02 PM (#2384765) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Neil D Where have you been Lord Randall my son? At me local for a pint and some crisps. |
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09 Jul 08 - 12:14 PM (#2384774) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller One misty moisty morning as I strode o'er the heather I came upon and old man who was dressed all up in leather He was dressed all up in leather, with a strap beneath his chin And rode a Harley Davidson that made an awful din |
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09 Jul 08 - 12:53 PM (#2384808) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Folknacious Well I'll sing you a song about the Old 49 Fastest engine on the Sante Fe Line On the 14th of April she made a desperate dash And she got there on time and she did not crash. (From Shel Silverstein's "Inside Folk Songs", 1962 . . . It's the track before the memorable "Never Bite A Married Woman On The Thigh" . . . |
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09 Jul 08 - 01:01 PM (#2384820) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Snuffy Oh where are our dear mothers? Oh where are our dear mothers? Oh where are our dear mothers? Day is a-breaking in my soul They've gone to Walmart, shoopping .... |
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09 Jul 08 - 02:46 PM (#2384940) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Michael Oh what's the matter with you my love? And where's your darling's willie? That Bobbit woman has chopped it off And now he looks so silly. Mike |
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09 Jul 08 - 03:11 PM (#2384972) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee It's old, but Slack your rope, hangman, oh slack for a while I think I see ARWK!! |
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09 Jul 08 - 03:22 PM (#2384986) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee "Mrs. M'Grath," the Sergeant said, "Would you like to make a soldier outa your son Ted? With a scarlet coat and big cocked hat Now Mrs. M'Grath wouldn't you like that?" "Hell no! Get outa me yard ya smarmy bastard!" |
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09 Jul 08 - 03:44 PM (#2385012) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST I'm puzzled by "Jellion Grame". Rosie Flower is mounted, yet Grame, on foot, is able to kill her. In fact, he asks her to "Get down, get down…" |
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09 Jul 08 - 05:02 PM (#2385119) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,DMcG Too soon to bed out of my bed Too soon to be back at this bus queue caper Or fumbling for change for my picture paper On a Monday mor ... hang on, it's only Sunday. |
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09 Jul 08 - 06:40 PM (#2385210) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee Every mornin' at the mine you see him arrive He stood six foot six and weighed two forty-five Kinda broad in the shoulder and narrow at the hip He wore skin-tight jeans and had bright red lips Big John. |
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09 Jul 08 - 07:52 PM (#2385251) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: dick greenhaus We were forty miles from Albany Forget it! |
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10 Jul 08 - 12:30 AM (#2385378) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: The Fooles Troupe "In fact, he asks her to "Get down, get down…"" .... I am unable to continue ... |
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10 Jul 08 - 02:31 AM (#2385410) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Michael When a young girl fell in love with me and found I was a maid She went unto to my officer me secret she betrayed Unbuttoning my red tunic and he found that it was true "It's a shame", he said "to lose a pretty drummer boy like you" "But we could keep it our little secret--- if you play your cards right" Mike |
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10 Jul 08 - 04:55 AM (#2385467) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh O Captain, take gold, O captain, take money Never mind the money, gerremoff! |
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10 Jul 08 - 04:57 AM (#2385469) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh Slight thread drift : Behold a bright light shone in the East, and the sky was riven with angels singing ; and one Wise Man said to the other "Told you this was good acid". I'll ger me djellaba . . . |
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10 Jul 08 - 05:15 AM (#2385481) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh Where have you been all the day, Henry my son ? Mind your own bleedin' business. |
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10 Jul 08 - 05:28 AM (#2385485) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bonnie Shaljean When John Henry was a little baby Sitting on his mama's knee He said Driving steel is hard, hard work Gonna take up accountancy... |
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10 Jul 08 - 06:25 AM (#2385514) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Paul Burke OK, I've posted this elsewhere before, but I still think it's a considerable improvement on the original. "Ah, must I go," Matt Hyland said "Ah, must I go without my wages With ne'er a penny in my purse And wander like some poor lost stranger?" "All right she said, just hang around Till they come for you in the morning, Then ask them for your fifty pounds- Don't say I didn't give you warning!" There is a ship lies in the bay, It's setting sail for far Australia, And in the hold Matt Hyland's chained Because he's such a hopeless failure. And in her chamber sits a maid, She's busy writing out a letter- An advert to the servant trade- Let's hope the next one turns out better. |
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10 Jul 08 - 07:52 AM (#2385558) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: A Wandering Minstrel Farewell sweet, lovely Nancy ten thousand times adieu I'm bound away o'er the ocean wave For a two week holiday in Normandy... and Sally, free and easy... Phwoar! |
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10 Jul 08 - 08:04 AM (#2385568) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Sailor Ron We all know that he was aquited for 'shooting Polly Vaughn', but did you know the R.S.P.B. had him hung for shooting a swan? |
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10 Jul 08 - 09:12 AM (#2385624) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee Away unto the west'ard There's a place a man can go Where the bars are always open And the service is never slow. |
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10 Jul 08 - 09:12 AM (#2385625) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh Oh, soldier, soldier, won't you marry me With your musket, fife and drum ? If it's all the same to you, love, I'll use a ring, like everyone else. |
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10 Jul 08 - 10:31 AM (#2385684) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Michael An oxymoronic song:- One Monday morning as we set sail The wind did blow a pleasant gale Wandering Minstrel: The line that gets me:- "Took a sailor's loving for a nursery game" Does that mean wearing a nappy and getting his bottom spanked? Mike |
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10 Jul 08 - 10:49 AM (#2385693) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh Don't mind the rain and the rolling sea Well, I f*cking do ! |
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10 Jul 08 - 11:17 AM (#2385713) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller As I was a-walking down London, through Wapping to Ratcliffe Highway, I chanced to step into an alehouse to spend a long night and a day. A young doxy came rolling up to me and asked if I'd money to sport. 'I'll have half of shandy, here's sixpence.' She said: 'Piss off we don't serve your sort.' |
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10 Jul 08 - 11:27 AM (#2385725) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee You started today on your journey, alone on the highway of life You will meet with a thousand temptations, each city with evil is rife. The world is a stage of excitement, full of evil and sin, But if you are tempted in weakness, have courage, my boy, and go in. |
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10 Jul 08 - 02:27 PM (#2385906) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Linda Kelly My name it is sam hall chimney sweep chimney sweep my name it is sam hall chimney sweep central heating do i rue now theres bugger all to do.., |
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10 Jul 08 - 02:45 PM (#2385923) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,dmcg One morning in May I chanced for to rove I sat myself down by the side of a grove It was there I did see the dense motorway smog And you have to gasp for breath [You have to gasp for breath] You have to gasp for breath when the traffic fumes clog |
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10 Jul 08 - 03:22 PM (#2385956) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee Oh! My boat can safely float in the teeth of wind and weather And outrace the fastest hooker between Galway and Kinsale; When the black floor of the ocean and the white foam rush together, High she rides, in her pride, while I feed fishes o'er the rail. |
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10 Jul 08 - 03:54 PM (#2385978) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Steve Gardham Now I'm warning yer all! They're not gonna like it the next time you're sat in a serious singaround and Mrs Scroggins has just reached the fortieth verse of Barbara Allen, and you suddenly burst out laffin'! Mark my words, there'll be tears! |
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10 Jul 08 - 04:45 PM (#2386014) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Phil Edwards He was much reduced, which caused great confusion, And that was the reason that he consolidated all his debts into one affordable loan... As I was going to Aylesbury, All on a market day A pretty little Aylesbury girl I met upon the way Her business was to market With butter, cheese and whey, And we got chatting and discovered we had several mutual friends and quite a number of common interests. Which was nice. |
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10 Jul 08 - 05:10 PM (#2386036) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Steve Gardham Twas homeward bound one night on the deep, Swinging in my hammock I fell asleep, I dreamed a dream and I followed through I was jolly-rogered by that cursed crew! There was Captain Thompson from Scarborough Town, Brave Griffin and Parry of great renown, There was Captain Ross and so many more Had all been at it since we left the shore. And now my backside it gives me pain, To regain my innocence I'd cross the main, Ten thousand pounds I would freely pay, To save my passage for another day. With apologies to Lady Franklin. |
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10 Jul 08 - 06:01 PM (#2386082) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Gurney A fine young man, it was indeed, came a-riding on his milk-white steed. He rode and he rode, he rode all alone. He'd heard all about 'lovely' Joan! In the interests of punctiliousness: 'Outlandish' didn't mean strange, just that he was a Geordie. Hold on, let me think about that..... |
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10 Jul 08 - 10:44 PM (#2386245) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee ...He had not gone but a mile or twa, When he heard the dead-bell knellin' And he turned his horse's head away Sayin', "Screw you, Barbara Allen." See who comes over the red-blossomed heather: It's Sam, Bill, and Jenny and the lovely blonde, Claire.... 'Twas down by the glenside I met an old woman A-plucking young nettles, and she ne'er saw me comin' And I listened a while to the sounds she was makin' "Ouch! Dammit! Ta hell with the lot of 'em! Ya want bloody nettles ya pick the buggers yerself!" |
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11 Jul 08 - 05:08 AM (#2386371) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie The Gallant Frigate Amphitrite. She sank in Plymouth Sound End |
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11 Jul 08 - 06:49 AM (#2386416) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Kevin Parker Said Red Molly to James 'that's a fine motor bike' 'No, actually mine's the Honda Civic parked behind it' |
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11 Jul 08 - 06:58 AM (#2386425) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh With me doorum dah, fol the diddle-ah, di ree fol the diddle derry o. I really must learn the correct words one of these days. |
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11 Jul 08 - 07:02 AM (#2386428) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh Perhaps not "folk", but here goes : Some day my Prince will come said Snow White, changing hands again . . . I'll get me coat. |
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11 Jul 08 - 07:58 AM (#2386467) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: A Wandering Minstrel Sovay, Sovay, all on a day She decked herself in girls array and with skein and scissors all at her side She sat in the garden she sat in the garden and her needle plied... |
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11 Jul 08 - 08:36 AM (#2386496) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: quokka I wonder what is keeping my true love this night? Happy hour at the pub |
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11 Jul 08 - 09:03 AM (#2386514) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee One pleasant evening in the month of June As I walked, weaving, toward my room A peeler stood by an ivy bush And I was taken up for drunk and disorderly, resisting, and a bunch of other things. |
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11 Jul 08 - 10:12 AM (#2386559) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller As it fell out upon a day As many in the year Musgrave to the church did go To see fair ladies there And some came down in red velvet And some came down in Pall And the last to come down was the Lady Barnard The fairest of them all She's cast a look on the Little Musgrave As bright as the summer sun She said: "I've got the vicar coming round Do come for tea and buns" |
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11 Jul 08 - 10:21 AM (#2386569) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller Wheear 'as ta bin sin ah saw thee? Buyin' meesen a bleedin' 'at! |
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11 Jul 08 - 10:23 AM (#2386573) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: SqueezeMe The gallant frigate Anthracite She burned in Plymouth Sound also.... The gallant frigate Araldite She's stuck in Plymouth Sound (Thanks for the inspiration, Ralphie!) |
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11 Jul 08 - 03:41 PM (#2386846) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie Come all you tender hearted chaps, I hope you'll lend an ear. And likewise pay attention, To these few I lines I have here. It's all in praise of a pretty maid I mean to use my quill. She was the blooming rose of Antrim, And I hope she's on the pill...... No excuse I know..... |
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11 Jul 08 - 04:45 PM (#2386895) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger Absolutely none whatsoever!!! |
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11 Jul 08 - 08:32 PM (#2387061) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Joe_F Of some antiquity: A Maraschino cherry, it has no stone. Chicken a la king, it has no bone. The story of stupidity, it has no end. A baby when it's strangled, there's no cryen. On various occasions I have supplied the wife's side of a certain story: My husband never tires of lying around. He drinks like a fish, and he sings like a hound. He eats like a pig and makes love like a troll, And the day he drops dead, I will fathom the bowl. -- and tied up the loose end of another one: The middle daughter ran off with the prince, Bow down, bow down,... And neither of them has been heard from since. I will be true,... |
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11 Jul 08 - 09:57 PM (#2387098) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee As I was a-goin' o'er the far-famed Kerry Mountain I met with Colonel Farrell who was pissing like a fountain.... |
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12 Jul 08 - 08:39 PM (#2387564) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,bardan I took off my pants and i did salute her |
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12 Jul 08 - 09:20 PM (#2387584) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee ...If there's anyone can help me it's my brother in the Army, He's never been much help before and he's really very barmy.... |
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13 Jul 08 - 02:40 AM (#2387647) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie THE DRUMMER BOY OF WATERLOO When battle roused each warlike band And carnage loud her trumpet blew Young Edwin left his native land And decided, on reflection, that he'd prefer to go clubbing in Ibiza this summer..... |
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13 Jul 08 - 07:32 AM (#2387704) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger THE MISTLETOE BOUGH (extract) I'm tired of dancing now she cried Here tarry a moment, I'll hide, I'll hide And Lovell be sure thou'rt the first to trace The clues to my secret hiding place. Away she ran and her friends began Each tower to search and each nook to scan "Oh where dost thou hide" Young Lovel cried...... .........Oh there you are ... gotcha!! |
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13 Jul 08 - 07:46 AM (#2387707) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: DMcG I've travelled east, I've travelled west, I've travelled by Kirkcaudy But the bonniest lass that e'er I saw She was stalking her collier laddie. |
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13 Jul 08 - 09:00 AM (#2387733) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Singers Knight There were three score and ten Boys and men Heard the weather forecast And came home again! and The gallant frigate aconite grew well on Plymouth Sound The old 'uns are definitely the best! |
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13 Jul 08 - 10:30 AM (#2387763) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Leadfingers The FULL readers Digest version of Rapaires ! One night in the Wild West town of El Paso I met a girl and I got shot and died ! |
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13 Jul 08 - 10:31 AM (#2387764) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Leadfingers Which gives me another 100 th !! |
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13 Jul 08 - 10:47 AM (#2387770) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie KELLSWATER (LAST VERSE) He placed a gold ring on her finger Saying "Love bear this in your mind If ever I sail from old Ireland, I'll mind not to leave you behind" Here's a health unto bonny Kellswater Where you get all the pleasures of life, Where you get all the fishing and fowling, And a bonnie wee stoat for your wife. (Comes in useful whilst ferreting abroad, probably fighting for strangers,) GAMEKEEPERS LIE SLEEPING. Well, I've got a dog and a good dog too, Lucky me! It's a Rottweiller...... |
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13 Jul 08 - 10:28 PM (#2388136) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Barbara In the Malpas Wassail, a friend of mine always sang: Oh the master and the mistress sitting down at their ease Put your hands in your pockets and squeeze what you please Blessings, Barbara |
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13 Jul 08 - 10:56 PM (#2388145) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee Had an old dog and his name was Blue, Had an old dog and his name was Blue, Had an old dog and his name was Blue, He had rabies and we had to have him put down.... It is the same auld shillelagh me father brought from Ireland Only now it full of termites and dry rot. Yuck! |
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14 Jul 08 - 04:09 AM (#2388230) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie THE HANGMANS TREE (Hazel K Black, Pine Grove Wetzel County) Ropeman, Ropeman, slack your rope Slack it for a while For I think I see my father a-coming Away off many a mile Father, Father, have you any gold? Gold to set me free? Or did you come to see me hang Beneath this green oak tree? No, O no, I haven't any gold Gold to set you free. Would have liked to, but I had a letter from my bank manager this morning, and I haven't got the equity at the moment.... No doubt you've heard about the Credit Crunch. Sorry, and all that, I blame Gordon Brown for his misguided fiscal policy. (FX...Sound of Dropping Body, which is an obscure dance figure that comes after Stripping the Widow) The End |
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14 Jul 08 - 08:59 AM (#2388354) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee We're tenting tonight on the old camp ground God! I wish we'd dug latrines. |
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14 Jul 08 - 09:27 AM (#2388382) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: TheSnail "How do ye like me bed," he said, "and how do you like me sheets?" "How do you like me fair lady, that lies in your arms asleep?" Well... I've had worse. |
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14 Jul 08 - 11:33 AM (#2388504) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Michael How do ye like me bed," he said, "and how do you like me sheets?" "How do you like me fair lady, that lies in your arms asleep?" Who? Her? Wouldn't touch her with a barge-pole, this is The Handsome Cabin Boy squire. Mike |
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14 Jul 08 - 11:58 AM (#2388545) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Michael Said my lord to my lady, as he mounted his horse: "Beware of Long Lankin that lives in the moss." Said my lord to my lady, as he rode away: "Beware of Long Lankin that lives in the hay." "Let the doors be all bolted and the windows all pinned, And leave not a hole for a mouse to creep in." So he kissed his fair lady and he rode away, And he was in fair London before the break of day. The doors were all bolted and the windows all pinned, Except one little window where Long Lankin crept in. "Come here little bugger" she cried as he came "let's see if you really live up to your name" Mike |
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14 Jul 08 - 12:13 PM (#2388566) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller LOL!!!!! |
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14 Jul 08 - 12:27 PM (#2388583) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee Queen Eleanor was a sick woman and afraid that she would die "That's what I get," Queen Eleanor said, "for drinking wine and rye." |
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14 Jul 08 - 01:32 PM (#2388678) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Michael Hey gairdner child, is that a red rose in your hand ar are you just pleased to See me? Mike |
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14 Jul 08 - 03:15 PM (#2388808) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: fat B****rd "Children, go where I send thee" ........er...I can't think of anything funny... |
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14 Jul 08 - 04:44 PM (#2388926) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee "...how can I keep from singing?" A little self control, perhaps? |
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14 Jul 08 - 04:48 PM (#2388930) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Phil Edwards The gardener standing by, Three offers he made to me, So I slapped his face. |
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14 Jul 08 - 05:55 PM (#2389043) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger The Bloody Gardener (extract) This young maid then arose and into the garden goes Expecting there to meet her hearts delight She searched the garden all around No young man could be found .... so she trotted off home again, muttering "Bastard" under her breath ..... |
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14 Jul 08 - 09:37 PM (#2389206) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Effsee As I was walking all alane I heard twa corbies makin' a mane I thought " What a bluidy racket!" |
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14 Jul 08 - 09:51 PM (#2389214) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee In the Tower of London late at night The ghost of Anne Boleyn walks, they declare. They've also see a dragon and sprite Three poltergeists, four pixies, and a mare. |
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15 Jul 08 - 03:26 AM (#2389334) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller Little Musgrave offers endless possibilities! Come home with me you Little Musgrave And lay upon my breast For by your codpiece I can see That you were named in jest. And later….. "And how do you like my feather bed And how do you like my sheets And how do you like my lady gay Who lies in your arms asleep?" "It's well I like your feather bed It's better I like your sheets And it's better I like your lady gay Who lies in my arms asleep". Lord Donald then his clothes put off And in the get did get Saying: 'If you think my lady's gay You ain't seen nothing yet!' Isn't this the best thread ever? |
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15 Jul 08 - 03:31 AM (#2389336) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller Should read.. and in the BED did get. |
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15 Jul 08 - 03:50 AM (#2389344) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Jack Blandiver Said my Lord to my Lady as he mounted his horse, here's the cheque for Long Lankin, though, if he'd rather, pay cash... |
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15 Jul 08 - 04:21 AM (#2389361) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh I went into an alehouse I used to frequent And told the landlady my money was spent. She told me to fuck off. |
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15 Jul 08 - 04:27 AM (#2389367) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie BLUE EYED ELLA (Mr E C Smith. Weston, Lewis County 1915) Way down in yonder valley, where the early flowers bloom There lies my blue-eyed Ella, so silent in the tomb She died not broken-hearted, that caused her cruel fate Twas the fish pie bought from TESCOs, long past its sell-by date. |
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15 Jul 08 - 05:06 AM (#2389390) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Michael Said the lord to his lady as he mounted his horse: "When I took you to see Equus I hoped it would help you understand" Mike |
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15 Jul 08 - 06:07 AM (#2389422) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie VERSES ON THE EXECUTION OF DANIEL GOOD..Extract (May 1842) To his masters stables in Putney Park Lane They went, but she never returned again Prepare for your end then the monster did cry Your time has come and you must die Then, with a sharp hatchet, her head did cleave She begged for mercy, but, none did he give Have mercy Daniel, my wretched life spare For the sake of own child which you know I bear No Mercy, cried he, then repeated the blow Alive from this stable you never shall go Neither you nor your brat shall trouble me more Then lifeless his victim he struck to the floor And when she was dead this sad deed to hide The limbs from her body he straight did divide Her bowels ript open and dripping with gore The child from the womb this black monster he tore When in searching the stable, the body was spied Without head. legs, or arms, and ript open beside Then a cry of murder quickly did arise And the coachman was taken within a very few days. (Aaah, have fond memories of hearing this at primary school on the radio in the late fifties...Oh how we laughed, and danced around the room) |
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15 Jul 08 - 06:35 AM (#2389434) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: TheSnail I took from my pocket ten sovereigns bright And the landlady's legs opened wide with delight. |
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15 Jul 08 - 06:53 AM (#2389442) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger "fond memories of hearing this at primary school on the radio in the late fifties...Oh how we laughed, and danced around the room)" Indeed Ralphie ... I well remember sitting cross legged on the schoolroom floor in rapt attention, listening to those sounds purling forth from the radio speaker on the wall. William Appleby was such a great influence on us all wasn't he? A man before his time. But I think you mistake the laughing and dancing around the room - there were two programmes after all ... and the dancing would have been associated with Music and Movement, surely?? |
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15 Jul 08 - 07:22 AM (#2389456) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Sailor Ron Said my Lady to her Lord As he mounted his horse If you do that again I will call the police force! |
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15 Jul 08 - 09:08 AM (#2389533) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee O dear, what can the matter be O dear, what can the matter be O dear, what can the matter be My period's late and preg test is red. |
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15 Jul 08 - 09:16 AM (#2389540) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Nathan in Texas Where have you been Lord Randall my son? Out. |
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15 Jul 08 - 09:25 AM (#2389550) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh Robin Hood and Little John Have both gone to the fair-O And after they've got pissed on Buck' They'll maybe part the hair-O. |
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15 Jul 08 - 09:29 AM (#2389554) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh Undress yourself, my darling, said he. Undress yourself and come to bed with me. Not before you put a fifty pound note in my stocking top, I won't. |
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15 Jul 08 - 09:29 AM (#2389556) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: quokka hey, Mr tambourine man STOP THAT RACKET! |
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15 Jul 08 - 09:48 AM (#2389564) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: MartinRyan There were two brothers, two noble warriors They fell in love with a lady gay - so they gave up and went home. Regards |
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15 Jul 08 - 04:09 PM (#2390036) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: DMcG Cope sent a challenge frae Dunbar Saying Charlie meet me, i' ye dar' I'll learn ye the art o' war From Sun Tzu's book frae China |
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15 Jul 08 - 07:12 PM (#2390211) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: The Fooles Troupe ""Children, go where I send thee" ........er...I can't think of anything funny..." You really think they'll DO that? You've never had children, have you... |
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15 Jul 08 - 10:31 PM (#2390315) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee Cagaran, cagaran, cagaran gaolach, Cagaran laghach thu, fear dhe mo dhaoine, Goididh egobhar dhomh, goididh e caoraich, Goididh e sithean a innis an aonaich. Cagaran, cagaran, cagan gaolach Ya say it again and I'll wash yer mouth out with soap! |
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16 Jul 08 - 08:45 AM (#2390523) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie DOWN IN OUR LITTLE VILLAGE Twas on the green, where they all danced I first beheld my Fanny She looked so nice, as she advanced None half so well, not any. Now, when next morn my work began At sowing, plough or tillage I thought of none, but little Fan The best gay in the village...... |
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16 Jul 08 - 08:57 AM (#2390531) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie THE GREY MARE Young Roger the miller he courted of late A farmer's gay daughter, called beautiful Kate She had to her fortune some five hundred pounds Besides handsome jewels, and many fine gowns She had to her portion both jewels and rings And an M&S Gold Card for all sorts of things |
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16 Jul 08 - 09:06 AM (#2390538) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie LORD THOMAS AND FAIR ELEANOR Lord Thomas was a bold forester And, a chaser of the King's deer Fair Eleanor was a fine woman But Lord Thomas prefered the deer..... |
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16 Jul 08 - 09:28 AM (#2390555) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Phil Edwards He sailed East and he sailed West, Until he came back to where he started... |
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16 Jul 08 - 09:49 AM (#2390567) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee It was Friday morn when we set sail And we were not far from the land When our captain espied a mermaid so fair, So the mate took the bottle from his hand, And helped the poor old captain to his cabin and gave him some coffee and a couple of aspirin and suggested that he sleep it off and come back on deck when he'd sobered up because the ship was trying to navigate Prince William Sound and all Exxon needed was another tanker spill. |
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16 Jul 08 - 10:37 AM (#2390598) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Paul Burke So slowly, slowly she came up And slowly she came by him, And all she said when there she came, "Young man, I think you're Brian." By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, Ye-eah we wept, when we remembered Brian. A maiden walking all in her garden A brisk young sailor chanced to spy, He stepped up to her, thinking to view her, So she smacked him smartly in the eye. There is a house in New Orleans It's called the Rising Sun- You can go there for a cup of tea, Some fruitcake and a bun. At the age of sixteen he was a married man, And at the age of seventeen the father of a son, And one at eighteen, one at nineteen, one at twenty too- She just couldn't put an end to his growing. There was a lady in the north Hey the rose and the linsey-o, She proved with child by her father's clerk, Down by the riversidie-o. So she went to the chemist, paid the bill, Hey the rose and the linsey-o, And got a little next- morning pill, Down by the riversidie-o. |
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16 Jul 08 - 11:44 AM (#2390643) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee When the Alabama's keel was laid Roll, Alabama, Roll It was laid in the yards of Jonathan Laird O roll, Alabama, roll It was laid in the yards of Jonathan Laird It was laid in the town of Birkenhead Down Mersey way she sailed then Sank and was never seen again.... |
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16 Jul 08 - 03:15 PM (#2390851) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Michael I wish I wish but it's all in vain. I wish I was a maid again. But a maid again I ne'er will be I cann't afford the surgeon's fee. Mike |
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16 Jul 08 - 03:41 PM (#2390875) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Phil Edwards I won't come in, I shan't sit down, I ain't got a moment's time ...oh, go on then, but just a quickie. |
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16 Jul 08 - 10:46 PM (#2391092) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee Keep on truckin', Momma, As long as you kin afford the fuel. |
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16 Jul 08 - 11:41 PM (#2391109) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Richard Bridge Hark! Now the drums beat up again Those bodhran players are life's bane Tis a nice quiet life without no strife We whalemen do enjoy For we have left our wives at home Since their nagging was a bore Raise up your head Tom Dooley Raise up your head in glee The Supreme Court has found you were Condemned unconstitutionally Avram Bailey had three sons So he stayed at home to mind them Queen Jane had a short labour Nine minutes, not more And the women gave thanks For the fine babe she bore. Me and four more went out one night To Squire Daniel's hall To get some game was our intent As teh night came tumbling down And to our great good fortune No gamekeepers we saw So we never went to Warwick Jail Just went home to our tea. As is walked over London Bridge One misty morning early T'was silent as the very grave I overheard no story Oh I was born a lady fair My father's chief and only heir And my stepmother loved me well So no great harm e'er me befell. An earthly nurse she sits and sings And "Aye" she sings "Bah lilly wean How well I love my bairny's father Who only lives just down the lane" Ye gentlemen of high renown Of every degree Take no delight in foxhunting For Tony Blair's PC. |
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17 Jul 08 - 05:35 AM (#2391216) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh But my Willie's not returning from the plains of Waterloo Thanks to that French sniper. |
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17 Jul 08 - 05:38 AM (#2391217) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh A good many gentlemen takwe great delight In hunting bold Reynold the fox. A good many more prefer hunting the girls And copping the crabs and the pox. |
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17 Jul 08 - 05:43 AM (#2391218) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie THE BOLD PRIVATEER (Mrs Lolley, East Riding of Yorkshire) Oh fare you well, my Polly dear, since you and I must part In crossing of the seas my love, I'll pledge you to my heart For our ship she now lies waiting, so fare you well my dear I'll bring you back the fags, and some strong Belgium beer. |
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17 Jul 08 - 05:51 AM (#2391222) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie THE INDIAN LASS As I was a walking on a far distant shore I went into an alehouse, to spend half an hour And as I sat smoking, beside of my glass By chance there came in a young Indian Ass. (Spell check please) |
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17 Jul 08 - 05:56 AM (#2391228) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Phil Edwards Then up spoke the young bride's mother Who never was heard to speak so free Saying, Never mind your Sophia, what about my Sharon? Doesn't she get a say in this? Men, they're all the same - wears trousers and owns half of Northumberland, so he thinks he's God Almighty! Well, I'll tell you this, Mister Bateman, you aren't going to fob us off with a coach and a couple of horses, oh no. You'll be hearing from our solicitors in the morning. And when this Sophia of yours gets here, you can tell her a quarter of Northumberland belongs to you, all right? Take my drift? Come on, Sharon, we're going... |
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17 Jul 08 - 06:00 AM (#2391231) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie WATERLOO On the sixteenth day of June, me boys, In Streatham where we lay Our bugles sounded the alarm, before the break of day We Britons, Brunswickers and Flems, and Hanoverians too We joined the queue for the Northern line, And the Trains of Waterloo. |
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17 Jul 08 - 08:22 AM (#2391309) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: theleveller "But my Willie's not returning from the plains of Waterloo Thanks to that French sniper." Sorry, Bryn, without my glasses I read that as French slapper! Still works! |
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17 Jul 08 - 08:33 AM (#2391320) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh Leveller- see my thread which follows that one, , for confirmation . . . I'll get me condom |
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17 Jul 08 - 08:47 AM (#2391325) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Suffolk Miracle And you will marry a gunner good, A very good gunner I'm sure he'll be. But your having slept with a seal will probably be suffient grounds for an annulment. |
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17 Jul 08 - 08:49 AM (#2391328) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Posted without comment...........or hope! THE PRINCE AND THE MAIDEN A young prince who went walking in some woods near Hampton Wick, Discovered that he'd lost his way, well he bein' rather thick, He came across a clearing, and he said "What's this I see? It is a fair young maiden, tied tightly to a tree". Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, Fol de rol de dee, It is a fair young maiden, tied tightly to a tree. He said "Fair maid, how come you to be in this parlous state, What wicked, nasty, evil villain's left you to your fate?" She said "Kind Sir, if you will only deign to set me free, I'll tell you of the wicked squire, and what he did to me". Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, Fol de rol de dee, I'll tell you of the wicked squire, and what he did to me". The prince was all agog to hear the essence of her tale, But as she was quite naked, other thoughts came to prevail, He said "Hold hard young maiden, there's the question of me fee, If I comply with your request, pray what's in it for me?" Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, Fol de rol de dee, If I comply with your request, pray what's in it for me?" The maiden, now, was quite dismayed, "I can't believe", she said, "That you're as wicked as the squire, Oh! I were better dead", The prince was quite unruffled, as the maid began to pray, He said, as he took his doublet off, "This ain't your lucky day". Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, Fol de rol de day He said, as he took his doublet off, "This ain't your lucky day". The maiden stopped him with a glance, "If that's how it is", said she, "'Twere better I enjoy meself, and join in willingly, Remember that hereafter, for your crime you'll have to pay, Now cut me loose you scurvy knave, and you shall have your way". Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, Fol de rol de day Now cut me loose you scurvy knave, and you shall have your way". He drew his sword, and lashed out, and the rope fell down in coils, She threw her arms about his neck, said, "Come, collect your spoils", Then fervently, and ardently she kissed the dirty dog, And all he said was "Rivet!", for he'd turned into a frog. Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, fol de rol de dog, And all he said was "Rivet!" for he'd turned into a frog. Now the young prince and the maiden have gone their separate ways, She's gone home to Daddy, and the frog in the swamp he stays, He got himself into this mess, there's nothing he can do, Till a maid agrees to kiss him. Well I ask you girls, would you? Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, fol de rol de doo, Till a maid agrees to kiss him. Well I ask you girls, would you? So, all who listen to me song, attention pay to me, Ne'er take advantage of a maid you find tied to a tree, For love and lust, according to two differing points of view, May change a frog into a prince, and vice versa too. Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, fol de rol de doo, May change a frog into a prince, and vice versa too. C Don Thompson May 1980 . |
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17 Jul 08 - 10:17 AM (#2391382) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh Follow that . . . |
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17 Jul 08 - 10:43 AM (#2391396) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Dave the Gnome Following the other Richard T one. Let me ride on the Wall of Death one more time OK. Screeeeech, crash, tinkle, tinkle. Sounds of someone wandering off, whistling non-chalantely... :D |
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17 Jul 08 - 11:43 AM (#2391452) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Michael And now you've called on me to sing I'll see what I can do And that wasn not a signal for you to go to the loo For you to go to the loo. Mike |
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17 Jul 08 - 12:20 PM (#2391494) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Paul Burke She was lovely and fair as the rose of the summer, Yet 'twas not her beauty alone that won me; Oh no, 'twas the boobs from her bra nearly bustin', That made me love Mary, the Rose of Tralee. When Irish eyes are smiling Sure it's like a morning spring. In the lilt of Irish laughter, You can hear the angels sing. When Irish hearts are happy, All the world seems bright and gay. And when Irish eyes are smiling, Sure, you'd better watch your back. 'Twas on a dreary New Year's Eve. As the shades of night came down. A lorry load of volunteers approached a border town. There were men from Dublin and from Cork Fermanagh and Tyrone And the satnav threw a wobbly And sent them all back home. |
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17 Jul 08 - 03:11 PM (#2391647) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie YOUNG HUNTING (Mr John Hill, Hughey, Logan County 1916) It happened on one evening late As the maid was going to bed She heard a sound, a beautiful sound That made her heart feel glad She thought it was her brother John Returning from the cane But, who should it be but Lord Henry Just from his wild huting Get down, get down, Lord Henry And stay all night with me For the very best lodging in Mulvering town The best I'll give to thee I won't get down, I shan't stay down To stay all night with you For there's a prettier girl in Camden Town Who's not only got a Jacuzzi, (Nuff said) but has just ordered a Chicken Jalfrezi, and a 6 pack of lager. Sorted! Sorry Love...I'll text you next week. PS can you look after the dogs? |
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17 Jul 08 - 03:20 PM (#2391653) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie Huting? Huting? Doh!! |
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17 Jul 08 - 07:41 PM (#2391672) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger Per Chambers Dictionary .... to hut ... verb transitive ....to quarter in or to furnish with a hut or huts ......verb intransitive ... to dwell in a hut or huts.. so.... wild huting??? What WAS he getting up to?? |
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17 Jul 08 - 07:52 PM (#2391686) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: TheSnail She met with a rusty highwayman Two pistols he held to her breast, Saying deliver your money, your clothing, Or else you shall die in distress. Good God! I wouldn't want to be seen dead in dis dress. |
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17 Jul 08 - 07:58 PM (#2391691) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger Been thinking about that - maybe he was in the construction industry ... a jobbing builder in a frenzy......? |
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17 Jul 08 - 07:59 PM (#2391692) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger THat comment was directed at wild huting ... not at dresses....LOL |
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17 Jul 08 - 09:01 PM (#2391734) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger JAMES CAMPBELL (Frank Proffitt 1960) Booted and spurred and bridled went he A plume in his saddle and a sword at his knee Back came his saddle all bloody to see Back came his horse, but never came he. Riding on the highlands steep was the way Riding in the lowlands Hard by the Tay. Out came his old mother With feet all so bare Out came his bonnie bride Tearing her hair The meadows all a-falling And the sheep all unshorn The house is a leaking And the baby's unborn But bonnie James Campbell Nowhere can you see With a plume in his saddle And a sword at his knee I just knew it... he's been fighting down at the boozer again hasn't he??? I suppose he's in a cell down at the nick... I should have listened to me Mum when she warned me about him ....Men!!! |
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18 Jul 08 - 03:10 AM (#2391844) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: The Borchester Echo YOUNG SHOPPING Earl Richard is to Tesco gone His Club Card in his hands He's bought cheap beer and Pringles round And at the floozie's door now stands. "Yer comin' in? The heating's on And the lava lamp's all lit" "Nah" said he, '"I'm away back home Mrs Richard's ten times more fit'" So she knifed him. Several weeks later: Earl Richard, lain long in the Ikea self-assembly wardrobe Had really begun to smell. '"'ere, gimme an 'hand", to the cleaner she said, "to sling 'im down the deep drawer well" . 'Twas the day the bin men went on strike And the rubbish chute got stuck Mrs Richard had called the cops And the two of them screamed "Oh ****" And then they were both burned like hokey green. Whatever that is. |
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18 Jul 08 - 06:08 AM (#2391929) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh Then Douglas rode into Newcastle "Whose house is this so fine?" Up and spoke him, proud Percy, "I tell you this house was mine, But my mortgage was with Northern Rock, and they foreclosed." |
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18 Jul 08 - 10:40 AM (#2392120) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Phil Edwards Away and away went the proud young porter, Away and away went he, And when he came to the wide water, He fell on his belly and said, "Hang on, I'm in the wrong ballad". [That's enough Bateman - Ed.] |
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19 Jul 08 - 07:00 AM (#2392779) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie BRENNAN ON THE MOOR It's of a fearless highwayman, a story now I'll tell His name was William Brennan, and in Ireland he did dwell Twas on the Limerick mountains, he commenced his wild career Acosting various gentlemen, who thought him rather queer. |
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19 Jul 08 - 07:32 AM (#2392790) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie TIME TO REMEMBER THE POOR (Mr Lolly again!) Cold Winter is come with it's cold chilling breath And, the leaves are all gone from the trees And, all seems touched by the finger of death And, the streams are beginning to freeze When the Young Wanton lads o'er the river do slide When Flora attends us no more When in plenty you're sitting by a warm fireside It's time to crack open another can of Tennants Extra |
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19 Jul 08 - 02:51 PM (#2393015) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: fat B****rd "Me coat and boots is all in pawn" And I'm bloody freezin' |
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21 Jul 08 - 06:53 AM (#2394004) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie THE SIX SWEETHEARTS (Irish) I've had a grand experience, I'm going to tell you now By courting six girls all at once, they served me anyhow My mother said "You're wicked", I laughed at her advice She said I was naughty, but, I was very nice So I fell in love with Mary Anne, and then with Mary Jane And then with pretty Miss McCann, and then with Kate McClean And then with Betty Hopsican, and then with Nellie Small There were plenty of others, but, by this stage, I was knackered. |
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21 Jul 08 - 07:18 AM (#2394020) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Splott Man Hello darkness my old friend, I've stubbed my bloody toe again! |
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21 Jul 08 - 07:59 AM (#2394045) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: A Wandering Minstrel What are the bugles blowing for? said Files_on_Parade B******d if I know The Colour-Sargeant said... |
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21 Jul 08 - 09:11 AM (#2394094) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam And the skies are not cloudy all day, Where seldom is heard an encouraging word And farms are foreclosed every day. |
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22 Jul 08 - 12:16 AM (#2394771) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Gurney I remember that one from my childhood, Rapaire, but we finished with 'Where seldom is heard a discouraging word, 'cos the wife is out working all day!' |
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22 Jul 08 - 03:38 AM (#2394817) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Splott Man Show me a home where the buffalo roam And I'll show you a house full of s*** |
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22 Jul 08 - 05:20 AM (#2394857) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie EDWARD CONNORS Come all you loyal Irishmen, and listen for a while All that wish to emigrate, and leave the emerald isle A kind advice I will give you, which you must bear in mind Don't forget your toothbrush, when you leave your land behind |
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22 Jul 08 - 05:38 AM (#2394869) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie THE CREGGAN WHITE HAIR In the lowlands of Creggan there lives a white hare As swift as the swallow that flies through the air You may tramp the world over but none can compare With the curry that's made from the Bonny White Hare (PS, a nice lime pickle and an onion bhaji is a nice accompaniment) |
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22 Jul 08 - 06:09 AM (#2394888) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger Blimey .. that white animal with long floppy ears has rematerialised again... so that's what happened to it!! |
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22 Jul 08 - 06:57 AM (#2394919) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie THE CREGGAN WHITE HAIR?? Well, she was getting on a bit, but still very sexy! Sorry for the typo |
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22 Jul 08 - 07:05 AM (#2394924) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger Gives a whole new overtone to the piece... |
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22 Jul 08 - 08:42 PM (#2395554) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Joe_F ... Matty Groves was a manly man, with balls to split his pants, sirs, When caught in bed with Arlen's wife, he gave him snappy answers. ... Now where was Arlen's wife through this? She stayed beneath the covers, And watched the fight, and did her nails, while Arlen killed her lover. She never thought to run and hide, nor did she make excuses, She said the one thing guaranteed to make Arlen blow his fuses. So she got herself and Matty killed by being a stupid hen -- But what else but a brainless slut would go for Manly Men? -- Leslie Fish, "Manly Man Matty Groves" |
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23 Jul 08 - 07:25 AM (#2395836) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie PAT REILLY It being on a monday morning,it being our pay day We met Seargent Jenkins, at our going away He says to Pat Reilly, you are a handsome young man Will you come to John Kellys?.......Your imagination takes over at this point. |
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23 Jul 08 - 08:18 AM (#2395868) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Paul Burke She dressed up in man's apparel, Man's apparel she put on, And she followed her true lover, For to find him she is gone. She rose early the very next morning, She rose up at the break of day, There she saw her true love William, Walking with a lady gay. She took a look at William Taylor, And at the lady by his side, Decided which one she preferred And took the girl home for her bride. ---- My mother did me deadly spite For she sent thieves in the dark of night Put my servants all to flight They kicked the cat and pinched my bike... |
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24 Jul 08 - 02:33 AM (#2396555) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Sky Sailor They gave him his orders in Monoe, Virginia.... Have them brakes seen to! (Couldn't resist) |
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24 Jul 08 - 08:16 AM (#2396671) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh Out of his knapsack he drew a fine fiddle And she said Christ almighty, I thought I was here for a good f*ck and all you can do is think about music ! |
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24 Jul 08 - 08:17 AM (#2396673) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh I have a sister, Sir Clifford said A sister no man knows and his sister thought, that's what YOU think, bro ! |
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24 Jul 08 - 09:30 AM (#2396709) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh What more perversion could a man desire Than to beaten be with electric wire ? Upon his XXXX some dirty wench Aye, and on the table a jug of punch. Toora loora loo . . . Brown Adam came back to the bower And a little thereby stood he To hear some poxy full false knight Hear this from his lady gay : You're OK for a quickie, lad - Brown Adam's off hunting venison. At least, that's what he said he was doing . . . |
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24 Jul 08 - 09:42 AM (#2396717) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: DMcG Someone at a club I went to in the seventies used to sing: What more perversion can a man desire Than to beat his wife with a Dunlop tyre ....... Aye, and on the table, a monkey wrench. That third line escapes me. Probably just as well. |
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24 Jul 08 - 03:50 PM (#2396998) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Rapparee Bottle of wine, fruit of the vine When ya gonna let me get sober? See your AA, there's a 12 Step Program for you. |
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27 Jul 08 - 12:22 AM (#2398582) Subject: Lyr Add: THE DYING HOBO (E. C. Smith, 1915) From: GUEST,Ralphie THE DYING HOBO (Mr E.C. Smith, Weston, Lewis County, 1915) (I was going to muck about with this, but the original is too good!) Behind a western water tank, a dying hobo lay Inside an empty box car, one cold November day His comrade sat beside him, with a low and drooping head Listening to the final words, this dying hobo said. I am going to a better land, where everything is bright Where handouts grow on bushes, and you can sleep out every night Tell my sweetheart back in Denver, no more her face I'll view For I have caught the fast train, and now I'm going through Tell her not to weep for me, no tears in her eyes must lurk For I have gone to a distant land, where men don't have to work Don't have to work at all my friend, not even change their socks Where little streams of alcohol, come tingling down the rocks Hark! I hear the whistling, I must catch her on the fly Just one more drink of the nine five booze,It's not so hard to die His voice grew weak, His head fell back, He's sung his last refrain His partner swiped his coat and hat, and caught the eastbound train! |
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27 Jul 08 - 08:10 AM (#2398686) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger You sure you didn't change that last line Ralphie ?? As you say, too good if true!! |
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27 Jul 08 - 10:33 AM (#2398729) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie Yep....True enough.... I've got the book to prove it! R x |
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27 Jul 08 - 01:20 PM (#2398791) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger What's the name of the book ? |
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27 Jul 08 - 01:58 PM (#2398810) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Michael At a guess; "Pills to Purge Melancholy" Well it certainly did somthing to mine! Mike |
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27 Jul 08 - 06:32 PM (#2398985) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Leadfingers 200 |
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27 Jul 08 - 06:39 PM (#2398991) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Leadfingers And Thomas D'Urfey predated Hobos and trains by SEVERAL years |
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28 Jul 08 - 01:39 AM (#2399190) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie Songs From The South. Haven't got it to hand at the moment. Details to Follow R |
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28 Jul 08 - 06:21 AM (#2399271) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: The Borchester Echo When a knight won the lottery in a story quite new He was mean and so selfish, and lacked ethics too With his cheque book in pocket and Visa in hand For Mammon and greed he strode through Wood Green Shopping City. No BMW have I and no gold credit card Yet with Oxfam and Freecycle I find life not hard Though faced with the credit crunch, freespenders have fled And the knights are all broke and the dragons . . . (wot's dragons got to do with it?) Let a small bank buffer zone be my shield And let . . . (oh no, not horses again) And let me set free (with a .22 if necessary) from the castle in the dark All that want to be, just for a lark. Note for all you pedants out there: Tune: Stowey (except when nicked by some for Sweet England) Words: after Jan Struther. |
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29 Jul 08 - 07:28 AM (#2400183) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Bryn Pugh Aye, an' anither thing, Ma - if ye think Ah'll gang tae the Hielan's wi' yon clown frae the burger place, Ronald McDonald, ye can think again ! (Do I get a skelp, Megan :-) ?) |
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30 Jul 08 - 07:06 AM (#2401091) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie Ah Irene....Found it... Folk Songs Of The South John Harrington Cox (Of the West Virginia Folklore society) Published by Dover Press in 1967 THE VANCE SONG (snippet) Rev A M Lunsford 1897 But Vance no more shall Sandy behold Nor smell it's sweet perfume This day his eyes are closed in death His body confined in the tomb Farewell my friends, my children dear To you I bid farewell The love I have for your precious souls No mortal tongue can tell Farewell to you, my loving wife To you I bid adieu And, If I reach fair Canaans shore I hope you've made the stew. |
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30 Jul 08 - 07:11 AM (#2401093) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie AN ARKANSAW TRAVELLER Miss Sallie Evans, Elkins, Randolph County My name is Bill Stafford, I came from Buffalo town I've travelled this world all over, I've travelled this wide world round. I've had my ups and downs in life, but, better days I've saw I never knew what misery was, til I came to Arkansaw (In the UK that would be Swindon....but it doesn't rhyme) |
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30 Jul 08 - 09:36 AM (#2401197) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger Merci beaucoups pour l'information .. dis-je en Francais fractured ... What did Swindon ever do to you??? Should it not be Slough .... "Come friendly bombs and drop on Slough It isn't fit for humans now" (as per the erstwhile Poet Laureate, John Betjeman ...." Mangle the vowel a bit and it might almost rhyme... |
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06 Aug 08 - 04:19 AM (#2406317) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie THE GYPSY'S WARNING (Mr C R Bishop, Pocahontas County 1918) Do not trust him gentle lady Though his voice be low and sweet Heed him not who kneels before thee Gently pleading at thy feet Now thy life is in its morning Cloud not this thy happy lot Listen to the gypsy's warning He's my husband, trust him not. |
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06 Aug 08 - 06:00 AM (#2406356) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Paul Burke Classic! |
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08 Aug 08 - 09:53 PM (#2408986) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie THE BANKS OF CLAUDIE (Anna Copley, Shoals, Wayne County, 1915) As I walked out one evening, all in the month of May Down by the flowery garden, where Betsey she did stray I overheard this damsel, in sorrow to complain I've not received my GIRO, the postmans late again. |
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08 Aug 08 - 11:59 PM (#2409041) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Barbara That hobo song of Ralphies? I know it because my 90 year old mother used to sing it to us as kids, but she sang the last lines: "'I'm going to a better place, I'll catch it on the fly,' His comrade stole his hat and boots and left him there to die." Blessings, Barbara |
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09 Aug 08 - 04:04 AM (#2409102) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie Hi Barbara A perfect example of the Folk process then!! Still a very funny line. Regards Ralphie |
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15 Aug 08 - 02:18 AM (#2414294) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie POOR MARY IN THE SILVERY TIDE (John Searle Sussex 1901) It's of a fair young maiden, who dwelt on the seaside With lovely form and features, she was called the village pride There was a young sea captain, young Marys heart did gain And true she was to Henry, although he was a pain. It was in Henrys absence, that, a nobleman there came A-Courting pretty Mary, but, she refused the same Your vows are vain, for on the main, there's one I love, she cried So, sling your hook, young nobleman, you cannot have a ride. The nobleman was walking, all alone to take the air Down by the rolling ocean, he met the lady fair Then said this artful villain, Come walk with me my dear And forget about young Henry, for he's a bit of a queer With trembling hips said Mary, Oh my vows I ne'er can break If Henry bats for the other side, that does no difference make With his handkerchief he bound her arms, and plunged her o'er the side And shrieking she went floating, all along the silvery tide The nobleman was taken, and the gallows was his doom For ending pretty Marys life, who scarced attained her bloom Young Henry so dejected, down to a club he went And met a pretty sailor boy, who lived in Dartford, Kent. |
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02 Sep 08 - 01:05 AM (#2428363) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie NO LONGER RELEVANT Dept. Hal-An-Tow, Jolly Rumbelow. (Went into liquidation some years ago, I'm led to believe) |
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26 Oct 08 - 06:02 PM (#2476792) Subject: The Nice But Dim Jacobite From: Phil Edwards An uncollected variant of Lord Derwentwater: 'A traitor! a traitor! a traitor!' he cried, 'A traitor! how can that be, Unless it's for keeping five hundred men For to fight for King Jamie? On second thoughts, yes, I suppose that would do it. Never mind.' |
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15 Jan 10 - 07:06 PM (#2813164) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Tootler Twa Recruiting Sergeants cam' frae the black watch In markets and fairs some recruits for tae catch And a' that they listed was none at a' .... O sod this recruiting lark. I'm going home! On Raglan Road on an autumn day He saw her first and knew With her long dark hair he'd get nowhere So he went down the pub instead. |
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15 Jan 10 - 08:51 PM (#2813254) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger Gosh - glad to see this thread resurrected!!! |
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04 Sep 10 - 09:08 AM (#2979860) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: GUEST,Ralphie CLAUDY BANKS COPPER FAMILY (Last Verse) Young Johnny hearing her say so He could no longer stand He fell into her arms crying Betsy I'm that man I am that handsome young man And whom you thought was slain But since we met in Barclays Bank We'll never part again |
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04 Sep 10 - 11:25 AM (#2979925) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger May I reiterate what I said on 15 Jan melords and ladies - glad to see this thread resurrected ... even if it was initiated by a financial troll! Nice one Ralphie. |
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04 Sep 10 - 07:05 PM (#2980113) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Phil Edwards "And here is the ring that was broken between us, In the midst of all danger to remind me of you." And when she saw this token, she fell into my arms crying, You what? What the hell do you think you're playing at? I thought you were dead! If that's your idea of a homecoming you can bugger off back to Waterloo... |
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05 Sep 10 - 11:55 AM (#2980416) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: dick greenhaus 'Twas Friday night when we set sail And we sank to the bottom of the sea. |
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05 Sep 10 - 02:39 PM (#2980500) Subject: RE: The Nice But Dim Knight From: Surreysinger Well that sort of cuts it down to basics I suppose Dick ! |