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17 Aug 08 - 09:47 PM (#2416468) Subject: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: olddude I was sitting on my porch tonight smoking a cig and my old fat female cat name Mera jumped up on my lap. She is about 16 years old. I said hey that is pretty good for a really old fat girl. Suddenly I noticed this very large elderly lady power walking on the sidewalk directly across from my house. She gave me the look of death. I pointed down to the cat .. she seemed even more offended. I said it was the cat ... she walked off in a huff. Stuff happens to me ... |
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17 Aug 08 - 09:47 PM (#2416469) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: olddude Sorry I meant to put this into the BS section. Joe can you help move it Dan |
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17 Aug 08 - 09:48 PM (#2416470) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: Peace Did the cat scratch you? |
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17 Aug 08 - 10:10 PM (#2416492) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: olddude should have, I couldn't even apologize cause I would never hurt anyone. My cat doesn't care if I say that Oh boy ... |
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17 Aug 08 - 10:14 PM (#2416494) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: Effsee If the cat's happy about you smoking, then why worry about the power walker?! |
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17 Aug 08 - 10:29 PM (#2416498) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: Peace It seems y'ain't gonna get much sympathy here tonight, olddude. |
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17 Aug 08 - 11:18 PM (#2416515) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: olddude good point Peace I go back into my cave ... and have a cig or maybe two , with my cat |
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17 Aug 08 - 11:23 PM (#2416517) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: Peace lol |
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17 Aug 08 - 11:31 PM (#2416520) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: Little Hawk The same sort of thing seems to happen to Chongo now and then. |
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17 Aug 08 - 11:39 PM (#2416524) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: Bee Olddude, you made me laugh, anyway. Some people are prone to that sorta faux pas, just helpless to avoid it! |
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18 Aug 08 - 02:15 AM (#2416571) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: Lizzie Cornish 1 Heck, don't worry so much, Dan, you were innocently talking to your cat. The lady on the sidewalk decided for herself that you meant her, and probably power-walked even harder, having been given an incentive (albeit in a mistaken way) to get herself fitter... See, you did her a favour. :0) You were meant to talk to Mera, at that moment...and the lady was meant to hear you. Next time she walks past, she'll probably look like this: Every cloud has a silver lining ;-) |
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18 Aug 08 - 03:16 AM (#2416587) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: akenaton My but you're a cockeyed optimist Lizzie! It's more likely that there'll be a posse round to "duff up" Dan...and his cat! |
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18 Aug 08 - 03:55 AM (#2416593) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: Lizzie Cornish 1 Not to worry, Mera will protect him. I have a cat who growls at the postman. Dan's in safe hands. Hey ! You toucha my master and Ia killa you! |
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18 Aug 08 - 05:00 AM (#2416608) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: Rasener Well if the cat did put its claws into Dan, he might have to rename the cat to "Claude Balls" |
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18 Aug 08 - 08:05 AM (#2416687) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work I know the feeling olddude - I'm forever talking to myself and getting misheard by people around me... LTS |
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18 Aug 08 - 08:45 AM (#2416723) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: Rapparee I wouldn't worry about it. The walker will probably think you were making a pass at her and change her route and the cat will take it as a compliment. |
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18 Aug 08 - 11:03 AM (#2416829) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: olddude Next time I think she will probably just stop and pound me one. Reminds me of when I was in 5th grade. I went to a Catholic School. My cousin and I were in the same class and brought our squirt guns. We would squirt each other when the Nun wasn't looking. Well as she was walking down the Isle, my cousin shot her in the side of the head with his quirt gun. She turned around , looked at this other kid and said "you rude little man, you spit on me" She then proceeded to knock him off his desk into the wall. Then she said I am calling your dad. My cousin and I just remained silent ... I wonder if that kid is still grounded 50 years later. So I guess other people get it also |
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18 Aug 08 - 11:15 AM (#2416839) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: Amos You should track that boy down and confess to him, dude!! A |
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18 Aug 08 - 11:30 AM (#2416852) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: olddude It would be the right thing to do , I went to confession, I figured that was good enough. I got into trouble with my fireman here in town. Sorry Peace. We have this horn that blows 10 times a day so I published this in the paper An essay on Horns Throughout the history of mankind the Horn has been use to announce many aspects of human behavior. Vikings would blow on an ox horn to signal the time to pillage and plunder some small village. I saw on TV that in Switzerland, the Ricola guy climbs high up into the mountains wearing green shorts and a funny hat carrying a huge horn. He then blows it to signal the small village that it is time for everyone to take their cough drops. When I was a kid, I had a horn on my Pee Wee Herman Bike. The squeezy ball on the back of it broke so if I wanted to make the horn work, I had to let go of the handlebars and blow into it. I got hurt a lot when I rode that bike! Every culture that has a horn also has a secret code. For example, two toots on the Viking horn meant the raid was successful. Three toots meant - time to tread water. In my town, like many villages, we also have a horn - a very big horn. Most of us over the past 30 years have adapted well to the blast - Darwin would be very proud of us. For example, I have a friend who has many implanted medical devices. He told me that he doesn't even hear it. When it blows, he goes into a state of semi-consciousness and awakes believing he is a movie star. I also noticed that the songbirds no longer fall out of the trees but apparently know to seek shelter - window glass – hey it's cheap! Like the cultures before us we also have our own secret codes. I don't remember all of them but some of the important one I believe I do recall: 2 blasts - That darn cat is up Sally's tree again! 4 blasts - Hey Ed, don't forget the Pizza! 37 blasts - Dear God, We are out of Beer! Since we are now in an era of high technology. I would like to humbly suggest some possible changes: How about Bells - churches always play music like "How great thou art" or " Amazing grace". What if we get them to play certain songs for certain codes. For example the song " In heaven there is no beer" could replace the 37 blasts. Organ Music - Everyone loves organ music! They must! Every sporting event I have ever been to has a guy on the organ. Since last years hockey season was a bust, we probably could get the organ guy from the Sabres to play certain songs for certain codes. "Take me out to the ball game" could replace the 2 blasts for Sally's cat problem. Given the place of the horn in the world history, and considering we are a very historical town, can we at least have Mozart's horn concerto? |
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18 Aug 08 - 11:39 AM (#2416862) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: olddude This is one that my brother pulled on me. True story probably the best practical joke anyone ever did. My brother is a wonderful man; he is a devoted husband and father with three beautiful daughters. He is smart, talented and funny. He is also, with perhaps the exception of myself, the craziest person I have ever known. We spent a childhood laughing. Between he and my cousin, there were no dull moments around my house. Like all brothers (I being the oldest) we loved to play practical jokes. I believed that I was the master who always had the upper hand. However, like many experiences in life, things are not all as they first appear. The year was 1971 and my home was located in a small town in Pennsylvania. I was back from college one weekend and my brother called late at night wanting help to repair a bulldozer that one of the logging companies had broken. The company desperately needed the machine early in the morning so my cousin and I both agreed to work. Since I was in college and any money was more money than I had, why not? My cousin was a very good mechanic like my brother. I realized that I was mechanically challenged when I received my erector set for Christmas at eight years old and tried to attach the little metal things together with a hammer. Later that night, we went to find and repair the broken bulldozer. We arrived at the wood mill about two o'clock in the morning and there it was, a giant foreboding monster of a device, a mechanical Godzilla towering over a mountain of hardwood logs. My job was to pass tools. I watched in awe as my brother and cousin dismantled the giant machine. I saw tracks, blades, and engine parts, pieces of steel falling rapidly to the ground. Like the skilled hands of highly trained surgeon, they quickly did their work on the metal giant. Like an old western movie, the quiet of the hot summer evening was broken by the sound of air guns a blazing! Out of the distance, I saw it … the flashing red light, the car racing up the drive way and a terrifying voice that said, "Show me Your Hands Fellas". It was the police. Next I heard " Up against the Wall". My brother and cousin reached for the sky. I stood like a deer in the headlights. With a shaking voice, I spoke: "Officer we are authorized to be here, we are repairing this Bulldozer, just ask my brother, ask my cousin". My brother replied "I aint saying Nothing without my Lawyer". My cousin replied, " Well if he isn't saying anything then I sure am not going to either". That was it, I was the helpless victim here, and yet I was now a criminal! What would my mother think, what would my priest say - Oh the injustice of it all! I was sure my life was over, that I was going to jail; all of my hopes, dreams, and aspirations had just become one giant pile of bulldozer parts. A few minutes later an elderly lady appeared with a cane and a very large dog. She said, "What is the problem officer". The policeman replied: "These fella's were trying to steal this bulldozer". Oh she said, "You are mistaken". My son owns this mill and he called them to fix his broken bulldozer. The police officer took off the handcuffs and said: "Go back to work guys" After the car pulled away my brother started laughing hysterically. "Boy did I have you going, I got you good, and you should have seen your face, OH YES". In that moment I realized - my brother was the master and I a mere Squire! |
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19 Aug 08 - 04:39 AM (#2417540) Subject: RE: Seems I am always getting into trouble From: Lizzie Cornish 1 "...She then proceeded to knock him off his desk into the wall.." Nuns, some are such loving, sweet, gentle, motherly, 'spiritual' people, aren't they.... ;-) I've no doubt *she* got **far** more black marks in God's 'Book of Getting Into Trouble' than you did, Dan. And as for the other lad, well, he got an eye-opener into being unjustly accused by one who considered herself one of God's Own, and as such, he realised pretty fast that many inside 'religion' haven't a clue what they're about and are only there to bring down wrath and control upon others. Then I expect he chose to leave religion behind, found faith instead and possibly joined Amnesty International, for God works in mysterious ways. :0) I have a brother like that too. Not spoken to him for 13 years now. I packed the Squireship in and went off to be my own Master. And your local fire station should play The Oysterband at full volume, with different tracks meaning different things, that way everyone will wake with huge smiles on their faces..and the birds will fly merrily from the trees, dipping and diving in ecstasy, to the rhythm of the music. ;0) |
