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16 Oct 08 - 08:32 PM (#2467855) Subject: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Little Hawk Well, I've finally come to an inescapable contusion...sorry!...I meant conclusion. It's never gonna work out between me and Hillary. It's over. Done. Finished. Our relationship is kaput. Yesterday. History. Passe. Dead and gone. Six feet under. Pushin' up the daisies. We are an ex-item. There were a number of things that led me to this sad, but inevitable denoument. 1. My failure to arrange a dinner date with Hillary. At first I thought it was just that she was too busy campaigning. I figured that after Obama won the primary thing, she would have more time for us. It didn't turn out that way. 2. The fact that she has not returned my last 500 phone calls. Up to call # 499 I didn't take that personally. After all, she's a very busy woman. But 500? Well, that seems to be a symbolic number in my mind. A watershed. A defining moment. The shark has definitely been jumped on this one. 3. Then there are the flowers and candies and the handcrafted Himalayan jade vibrator that were returned in the mail. But I'm not going to go on about that. It hurts too much. Well, I know when there's no use beating on a dead horse any longer. I'm not stupid, eh? I can shrug this whole thing off and get on with my life. The sun will still rise tomorrow. Birds will sing and butterflies will do whatever the heck it is that butterflies do. Hamsters will still run on their exercise wheels. Chongo will still drink and scratch himself down there. But the real truth is that I have finally found her. I'm talkin' about I have found "the one". The ONE woman for me! Yes! And I am so amazed that I would have wasted all that valuable time pursuing Hillary Clinton...that cold, heartless, ice-in-her-veins, overambitious, callous, power-suited harpy! Pah! Who needs Hillary? Who, I ask you??? Not me. No sirree...because I have found the most fascinating and incredible woman in the world...the woman who MUST be mine! This gal is a real go-getter. She has nerve and spunk. She has amazing legs and a great smile and a sly wink that just makes me go all shivery. Oh, yeah! And she has the damn sexiest librarian's hairdo and glasses that you could ever ask for, and she says things like "Gotcha!" and "gonna" and "hafta"....and she could be president of the USA someday soon. Yup, I am talkin' about the delectable Sarah Palin, Miz Dynamite herself, the gun-totin' gal from Alaska. Man, I feel great now! Smell that fresh Alaska air! It's so clear you can see all the way to Russia on a good day. Hoo-Wah! Lookit them varmints run! This is gonna be the year to remember for me and Sarah. (I just gotta do somethin' about that danged dipwipe husband of hers...) |
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16 Oct 08 - 08:55 PM (#2467865) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Bobert An' all I gotta do is get yer sorry butt outta the way after you've gotten Todd outta the way, LH, an' all will be well... (Yo, Boberdz... Ya kinda forgot that the P-Vine is gonna kick yer sorry ass butt if she even thinks that you might have interest in another womenz...) Okay, LH, she's yers... Hey, if you get as far as gettin' First Dude neutalized then you deserve her but... ...you tell her she's okay by me, will ya'??? Sniff... B~ |
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16 Oct 08 - 09:01 PM (#2467867) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Little Hawk I am workin' on neutralizin' the First Dude as we speak, Bobert. If necessary, I'm gonna hire Chongo to "take care of things" after the election is over. He's too busy right now. I'm also droppin' all my "g's" now. Did you notice? I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel and it's the gleam in Sarah Palin's eyes. |
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16 Oct 08 - 09:19 PM (#2467873) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Janie Winona is gonna be really upset when she finds out you have been wooing not one, but TWO other women, |
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16 Oct 08 - 09:28 PM (#2467878) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Ebbie I'm so happy for the bot' of yuz. I *am* beginning to wonder about your tastes, however... Reminds me of a tenant of mine who, having received permission to acquire a dog showed up with a Rottweiler. A softy who howled abjectly whenever she was left alone. Finally told the tenant he had to either take her to work with him or take her to some kind of day care. So he got rid of her. Then he shows up with an Akita, a beautiful animal. I laughed and said that I'm beginning to wonder at his judgment, however, that the Akita has pretty much the same reputation as the Rottie. Oh, no, he assured me, she is sweet as can be. The next time I saw him he had taken the Akita to the vet and had stood by while they put her down. Turns out that while he was chatting with a friend, the Akita grabbed the friend's little girl by the arm and bit. Hard. |
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16 Oct 08 - 10:23 PM (#2467897) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Skivee Hey, Hawkster, you gotta stop the goveling. There's no point. You know perfectly well that Sarah isn't going to have anything to do with you. Why, you may ask? 'Cause you're a damned foreigner. You Canucks keep forgetting that it's our continent, and we're just letting you use the cold parts. This means that you are unworthy to enjoy the benefit of her company, let alone her loins. As soon as she saw that maple leaf on the front of your boxers, it would all be over but the punching and shotguns. |
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16 Oct 08 - 10:23 PM (#2467898) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Rapparee Ah! The divine Sarah! How I wish I could envy you. |
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16 Oct 08 - 10:41 PM (#2467907) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Stilly River Sage Winona will miss you terribly, LH. Really miss you. Just so you know! |
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16 Oct 08 - 10:41 PM (#2467908) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: GUEST,MarkS (on the road) Lessee - you and Sarah both have a lot in common. She from Alaska and you from Canada. Gives you both an appreciation for snow, ice, and long cold winters. Seems like a matchup made in heaven. Mark |
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16 Oct 08 - 11:42 PM (#2467945) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Amos This is really a new plateau for you, Little Hawk. It is one thing to have imaginary playmates, whole cloth. But then you went and started making imaginary playmates out of silver-screen names like Ryder and Shatner. Now, you're going one better and setting out to make an imaginary playmate out of a politician who is less qualified than Winona and less reliable than Shatner ... I do swan, you have a way about you. A |
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17 Oct 08 - 12:01 AM (#2467951) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Little Hawk Amos, spunky gals from Alaska don't go for men who say "I swan". It sounds effete and contrived. I been tellin' you and tellin' you, you gotta tone down the foppish language and get with the times. You can bet the First Dude never said "I swan" to anyone, and that's one reason why Sarah married him, but she is gonna reconsider the whole thing fast when she sees those shocking pics that Chongo got of him and Ann Coulter backstage behind the cooler at the last Republican fundraiser...Hoo-Wee! There's gonna be hell to pay then. The First Dude will become the Last Dude! Yes, Stilly, the Winona Ryder situation is a bit of a conundrum. I still adore Winona. Well...I gotta play this thing out as it unfolds and see how it all comes out in the wash. Run it up the flagpole and see who salutes. That kind of thing. ;-) You know, I'm thinkin' that Sarah probably has plans to annex Canada at some point, and I gotta get in here on the ground floor before that happens. She'll see me as a useful connection in that regard, given that I know people like William Shatner on a first name basis. Note: I'm workin' on my corporate business jargon so that Sarah realizes right away that I'm an important guy who plays with the big boys and doesn't drop the ball. p.s. Have posted a brief note in the mail to Hillary that says: "It was a real drag knowing you. I hope you fall down and bust a crown. Drop dead." - yours truly |
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17 Oct 08 - 12:18 AM (#2467963) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Little Hawk Say, Amos....what makes you think she's "less reliable than Shatner"? I know Shatner, man. |
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17 Oct 08 - 07:39 AM (#2468135) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Bobert You betcha that Ms. Sarah ain't no Biily Shatner.... After a night to think on it, I say to go for it, LH!!! I mean, you kids ain't gettin' no younger and I sho nuff hate to see either of ya'll havin' to look back in a few years and wondered what coulda been... Plus, folks 'round Pine Grove Holler been talkin' about First Dude and Coulter fir weeks now so it must be true so it's kinda like... ...the right thing to do... B~ |
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17 Oct 08 - 07:47 AM (#2468139) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: jacqui.c OK LH, the men in the white coats will be stopping by your place before too long. Mostly, your delusions have been harmless, nay, even amusing for the rest of the folks here on the 'Cat. Even the wooing of Hilary was seen as rather sweet evidence of the male mid life crisis, but it looks like you've gone straight from mid life crisis into raging senility now! (Actually, though, with the Barracuda's interest in special needs people you might just have a chance with that.) You have got to get past the hair and the glasses and those winks. If you have retained half a teaspoon of brain cells you would see in a very short time, or when the lights go out, that there isn't a lot more to the Alaskan governor. After all, you need light to field dress a moose. |
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17 Oct 08 - 07:56 AM (#2468144) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Bobert Now don't be like that, jacqui... Little Hawk ain't gonna shoot the women so there won't be no field dressin' of anyone... Ain't that right, LH??? You ain't gonna shoot her, are ya??? Little Hawk... LITTLE HAWK!!!! You ain't gonna shoot Ms. Sarah, are you??? Hmmmmmmmm??? Guess he's got his half teaspoon of gray matter working some overtime??? B~ |
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17 Oct 08 - 08:14 AM (#2468154) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: SINSULL Word of advice, LH. Sarah thinks Canada IS one of the United States. Don't let on it's not. She has a gun and can dress a moose. Imagine what she could do to one helpless Canadian. And you might consider wearing a red Mountie outfit and getting a Yukon King look-alike dog. She'll like that. |
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17 Oct 08 - 08:17 AM (#2468158) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: jacqui.c Actually, she reckons she's an expert on foreign matters so she might like the chance to practice her expertise on some foreign matter........... Do you think she can see Orelia from her house? |
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17 Oct 08 - 08:44 AM (#2468180) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: SINSULL YUP. That's the direction of the Russian invasion. |
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17 Oct 08 - 08:50 AM (#2468183) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Rapparee Did you people know that you can actually SEE CANADA from Alaska? And that this foreign country which is next to no miles from US shores has an Army, Navy, Air Force, and Coast Guard? That there are Canadian military forces gathered less that 100 miles from America? The US isn't about to invade Canada. Why, the closest US military installation is at Ft. Drum, New York and a whole great lake separates us from THEM. And that's a Mountain Division stationed there, not a group specializing in amphibious warfare. No, the US isn't about to invade Canada. Canada, on the other hand, craves our Northwest Passage.... |
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17 Oct 08 - 09:41 AM (#2468221) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: jacqui.c ROTFLMAO |
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17 Oct 08 - 09:46 AM (#2468227) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: SINSULL Franklin???? Franklin???? Is that you? |
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17 Oct 08 - 01:16 PM (#2468387) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Little Hawk Rapaire is closer to the truth than he knows... But I can say no more. I may have said too much already. Suffice it to say that Rapaire's keen insight on matters such as this is one of the reasons that Chongo chose him as his runnin' mate. The other reasons mostly have to do with guns, drinkin', and gratuitous violence... I am eyein' the election nervously. Not only has Chongo's APP failed to secure even 1 per cent of voter support in any national poll, it's beginnin' to look as though my beloved Sarah might possibly not be on the winnin' side either in November...mainly because she is saddled with that dodderin' old loon, John McCain, and he's sinkin' the ship of her dreams every time he opens his danged mouth! Somethin' has got to be done about it fast, and I intend to get together with Sarah ASAP and discuss possible contingencies to turn this thing around. Perhaps John can be persuaded to admit he can't handle it, retire from politics right now, and Sarah can then step up to the plate in the last 3 weeks and take the country by storm! Boy, that would be dramatic. I wonder who she'll select for her VP? On the other hand, why would she even need one? I can see Sarah becomin' president-for-life after we do a couple of little amendments to the Constitution. That would make me First Dude for life. Holy shit. Well, gotta get movin' here. Time is money, y'know, and it waits for no one. Y' can dress a duck up, but ya can't teach him to play the piano. When the goin' gets tough, the tough get goin'. See y'all on Capitol Hill. |
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17 Oct 08 - 01:16 PM (#2468388) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Hey Little Hawk, Take heart!!..Another 'investigative' media warrior, was hired to find something juicy about her, and heard this conversation, between her, and the ol' man. S: Todd, please, its been too long since you..well, you know...and I need you..well, to ,..you know....... T: Ahh, yes Dear,...ummm,..I was going to be on the computer...there's an important.... S:..Oh Honey, you know that, ..well, how much I.... T:...Oh, I know...(rolls eyes)...but...I'll tell you what... S: I've even bought this new, sexy..... T: Yes Dear..I know, you've told me a dozen times already... S:...And I've been anxiously waiting to try it out with... T: Yes, yes, I know..but.. S: Aren't you even interested?? T: Alright, alright..Let's do it this way.. Sorry, I did a typo, so I corrected it S: Oh Todd,..Finally....... T: I have this one thing to do and... S: Yes?? T: You go up, get ready, ..and.. S: Yes?..Oh, yes??? T: If I'm not up, in 45 minutes..just get started without me. So, Little Hawk, there you go...actual transcript from the 'secret tapes'...........shouldn't be long now.....it just a matter of time, and the flames of your passion should be...well?...umm...have their turn at being...umm,..put out??? Good lick, and happy moose hunter hunting! |
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17 Oct 08 - 01:20 PM (#2468393) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Little Hawk Thanks for that tip, GfS. I'll pass it on to Chongo. It may prove useful. |
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17 Oct 08 - 01:20 PM (#2468394) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Amos Rapaire is closer to the truth than he knows... But I can say no more. I may have said too much already. Ahhhhh....the penny beginneth its dropping... A |
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17 Oct 08 - 01:25 PM (#2468401) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity This is the right one Hey Little Hawk, Take heart!!..Another 'investigative' media warrior, was hired to find something juicy about her, and heard this conversation, between her, and the ol' man. S: Todd, please, its been too long since you..well, you know...and I need you..well, to ,..you know....... T: Ahh, yes Dear,...ummm,..I was going to be on the computer...there's an important.... S:..Oh Honey, you know that, ..well, how much I.... T:...Oh, I know...(rolls eyes)...but...I'll tell you what... S: I've even bought this new, sexy..... T: Yes Dear..I know, you've told me a dozen times already... S:...And I've been anxiously waiting to try it out with... T: Yes, yes, I know..but.. S: Aren't you even interested?? T: Alright, alright..Let's do it this way.. S: Oh Todd,..Finally....... T: I have this one thing to do and... S: Yes?? T: You go up, get ready, ..and.. S: Yes?..Oh, yes??? T: If I'm not up, in 45 minutes..just get started without me. So, Little Hawk, there you go...actual transcript from the 'secret tapes'...........shouldn't be long now.....it just a matter of time, and the flames of your passion should be...well?...umm...have their turn at being...umm,..put out??? Good luck, and happy moose hunter hunting! |
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17 Oct 08 - 01:39 PM (#2468414) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Little Hawk What the heck, GfS? Is this an instant replay or am I experiencin' Deja Vu? I can see Orillia from here. |
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17 Oct 08 - 01:42 PM (#2468417) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Hawkers, No, I had to fix a word I used in the last line...as not to 'offend' the weak of....well, the weak. |
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17 Oct 08 - 01:45 PM (#2468420) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Little Hawk Oh yeah. Well, I did notice that one word. Shouldn't he be saying: "If I'm not up in 45 minutes...just get started without me." What I mean is...no comma after the word "up". |
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17 Oct 08 - 03:14 PM (#2468490) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Wesley S "But the real truth is that I have finally found her. I'm talkin' about I have found "the one". The ONE woman for me! Yes! And I am so amazed that I would have wasted all that valuable time pursuing Hillary Clinton...that cold, heartless, ice-in-her-veins, overambitious, callous, power-suited harpy! Pah! Who needs Hillary? Who, I ask you??? Not me. No sirree...because I have found the most fascinating and incredible woman in the world...the woman who MUST be mine! This gal is a real go-getter. She has nerve and spunk. She has amazing legs and a great smile and a sly wink that just makes me go all shivery. Oh, yeah! And she has the damn sexiest librarian's hairdo and glasses that you could ever ask for, and she says things like "Gotcha!" and "gonna" and "hafta"....and she could be president of the USA someday soon." And up until you mentioned Sarah Palin's name I thought you were talking about having an illicit relationship with Chinga...... |
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17 Oct 08 - 03:15 PM (#2468494) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Little Hawk You are a really sick individual, aren't you? ;-) |
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17 Oct 08 - 03:19 PM (#2468496) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Rapparee You're only into this, LH, because you are excited about her "abuse of power." |
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17 Oct 08 - 03:31 PM (#2468507) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Little Hawk Naw...it's the hairdo. I really go for that hairdo bigtime. |
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17 Oct 08 - 04:17 PM (#2468546) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Rapparee And the leather underwear, I betcha. |
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17 Oct 08 - 06:15 PM (#2468652) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Rapparee Ladies and Gentlemen, WELCOME to the Orillia Arena! This first song is dedicated to our own, Little Hawk! (And let's keep those lighters under control. The last time the Fire Department nearly shut us down.) Here they are, the group you've been waiting to hear, the Stinky Bottom Boys! (Wild Applause) Hello Sarah P, goodbye heart, Sweet Sarah P, I'm so in lust with thee I knew Sarah P, we'd never part So hello Sarah P, goodbye heart. Passed me by one sunny day, Flashed that big brown moose my way And oooo I wanted you forever more I'm not one with guts around, Swear my feet's stuck in the ground And though I never did meet you before I said hello Sarah P, goodbye heart, Sweet Sarah P, I'm so in lust with thee I knew Sarah P, we'd never part So hello Sarah P, goodbye heart. I saw your gun, I heard your voice, Believe me I just had no choice, State Troopers couldn't make me stay away. Thought about a moonlit night, Your legs around me good and tight, That's all I had to see for me to say. Hey, hey, hello Sarah P, goodbye heart, Sweet Sarah P, I'm so in lust with thee I knew Sarah P, we'd never part So hello Sarah P, goodbye heart. So hello Sarah P, goodbye heart. Yes, hello Sarah P, goodbye heart. |
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17 Oct 08 - 06:20 PM (#2468656) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Little Hawk You've got Orillia confused with Pocatello, man. |
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17 Oct 08 - 07:37 PM (#2468726) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Ebbie Be warned, Little Hawk: she bites. |
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17 Oct 08 - 07:43 PM (#2468730) Subject: RE: BS: Bye, bye, Hillary. Hello..... From: Little Hawk Umm-hmm. I'll keep that in mind. |