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13 Nov 08 - 06:20 PM (#2493183) Subject: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert Word back here in the hller is that Barack Obama is considering the establishment of a Department of Cranky Women... Well, after a couple recent skirmishes with a couple of what I considered to be purdy level headed women here in Mudburg I think the time is right... Whaddayathink??? And if yer on board then any suggestions for Scretary of Cranky Women??? B~ (Yer gonna get it now, Boberdz...) Hey, who cares... I've had lots of experience... |
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13 Nov 08 - 06:21 PM (#2493186) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: gnu Yer pushin yer luck buck. |
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13 Nov 08 - 06:24 PM (#2493188) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: gnu Lots of experience... crankin up women? And some a them there suckup type lads? |
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13 Nov 08 - 06:25 PM (#2493190) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert I'm allowed, nu-z... I spent the day driving the P-Vine from one place to another to do women stuff... Even got in yet another line at the grocery store where, not one, but two cranky women were not prepared to pay for their groceries and held the line up... Like I siad, I have lots of experience... You might even call me a field tested veteran... B~ |
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13 Nov 08 - 06:27 PM (#2493193) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Rapparee Bobert, I'll go along with it if there's also a Department of Cranky Old Farts. |
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13 Nov 08 - 06:28 PM (#2493196) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Cluin They've been cranking out old farts in there for years. |
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13 Nov 08 - 06:33 PM (#2493201) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert No way, jose', Rap... Old farts ain't even in the same league with cranky women... Like comparing apples and stopped up cataractic convertors... B~ |
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13 Nov 08 - 06:36 PM (#2493204) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Little Hawk Cranky women are formidable, no doubt about it. I would advise you, Bobert, to back away slowly, not making eye contact. When you feel that you are at a relatively safe distance to make your escape, turn and run like hell! |
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13 Nov 08 - 06:39 PM (#2493210) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Ebbie Yer makin' me feel cranky, Bobie. :) |
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13 Nov 08 - 06:41 PM (#2493212) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Ed T Would that include nude (playboy variety) cranky woman, or exclusively Cranky women "all dressed". |
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13 Nov 08 - 06:43 PM (#2493217) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Amos Funny thing--a lass in deshabille is TWICE as stunning when she is all-fired cranky. A |
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13 Nov 08 - 06:50 PM (#2493227) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Ed T Why Are Women Cranky? We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of the shopping, and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the obstetrician says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more (or10) good push," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the bastard (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb. bowling ball through a keyhole After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poopmachines. The teen years. Need I say more? The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30's to early 40's, while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday (which just happens to be the reason all that early hot man sex got you pregnant in the first place). Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take the HRT (hormones) and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks ... Now I love being a woman, but "Womanhood" would make the Great Ghandi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right! |
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13 Nov 08 - 06:54 PM (#2493232) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Ed T BTW, not sure of the orginal source of the previous post, "Why Are Women Cranky"? It is not me:) |
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13 Nov 08 - 06:58 PM (#2493236) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Sorcha Just more crap. |
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13 Nov 08 - 06:59 PM (#2493238) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert Now wait... I didn't say they were weaker... Just crankier... It a proven fact... I mean, if that weren't so then why would 200 pound guys cower from 120 pound womenz??? Huh??? Answer me that one... Sorry, Eb, but you ain't a cranky womenz... You is sweet... You is smart... Okay, you can be cranky but not in that way... Just forcefull when the time arrises... That's a good thing but the bad news is that you ain't in the running for Scretary of Ctanky Womenz... Sorry... No, I'm not... The cranky womens here in Mudville know who they are and should be dusting off their resumes... B;~) |
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13 Nov 08 - 07:05 PM (#2493245) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Cluin Give me cranky old women over teenage girls anyday. Now THEY are MEAN! |
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13 Nov 08 - 07:49 PM (#2493271) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: SINSULL LOL The past few days at work have been more than a bit stressful. My new supervisor came over to me for the fourth time today to see how a critical project was getting on. Now my day started with a the pop-up from hell that popped up every single time I clicked my mouse. After numerous re-boots, tech service came by and cleaned up the mess left by some asshole who had opened the Hallmark virus. Then Outlook went wacko and refused to attach attachments bringing back the tech guy who gave up, re-installed Outlook and still couldn't get the bloody thing to work. When it was all finally sorted out (and I was gently assured by the terrified techie that none of it was my doing) along comes my boss. He asked "What are you doing now?" in a mildly irritated voice because his boss was on his case. Without missing a beat I loudly said "The same shit you had me doing this morning. I'm crankly. Go away!" He laughed out loud and left while everyone else sat stunned. I am cranky enough to bite the heads off kittens! Be afraid, Bobert, be very afraid. |
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13 Nov 08 - 07:58 PM (#2493278) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: meself Did you really say, "I'm crankly"? No wonder he laughed! |
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13 Nov 08 - 07:59 PM (#2493279) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: katlaughing Ed, that made me laugh out loud. Of course, it's over the top, but there have been Those Days!**BG** Bobert, yer cruisin' for a bruisin'...best you let this go if you know what's good for you! katnotcrankybutcouldbe:-) |
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13 Nov 08 - 08:09 PM (#2493284) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: SINSULL I said CRANKY. Come over here and I'll prove it! |
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13 Nov 08 - 08:24 PM (#2493293) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert Well, hale, Sins... I'm sorry you had such a crappy day but here's the bad news... You ain't in the runnin' for that cabinet position... Okay, maybe a few more days like today and you might be but as of now yer outta the runnin'... Okay, Kat... I've seen you cranky... Most of the time it was well deserved and, geeze, yer outta the runnin', too... Where are the real cranky womenz here in Mudville??? They know who they are... And we do, too... Hey, this is a bonified cabinet position working with Barack Obama... Come on down... B~ |
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13 Nov 08 - 08:32 PM (#2493308) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Janie WHO YOU CALLIN' CRANKY!!!!!! |
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13 Nov 08 - 08:35 PM (#2493311) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert Not you, Janie Sweety Honey... That thing loaded??? |
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13 Nov 08 - 08:36 PM (#2493313) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bee-dubya-ell Cranky women are a vital economic force. You see, a man's natural response to female crankiness is to go someplace else and do anything that doesn't involve cranky women. If there were no cranky women, all those Bass-Pro shops would go bankrupt. Golf courses would revert to cow pastures. And we won't even mention bars, particularly the types that feature uncranky women wearing remarkably few clothes. |
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13 Nov 08 - 08:40 PM (#2493316) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: ranger1 ROFLMAO! The ads at the bottom currently are: Men Wearing Lingerie and Women With Bras. And DON'T crank SINSULL up or talk to her before her morning coffee. Trust me! |
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13 Nov 08 - 08:42 PM (#2493321) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert Yer on to somethin', Beezer... |
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13 Nov 08 - 08:44 PM (#2493323) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Leadfingers A Cranky Womaen is VERY useful on a Tandem (a Bicycle made for Two) |
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13 Nov 08 - 11:24 PM (#2493389) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Little Hawk I think that Scottish women can be the crankiest of all, and I base that on things I have heard Megan relay from her Granny Dom, such as how her sweet Granny intends to "skelp" my "bahookie" and do terrible things to my "lugs" as well. That goes beyond mere crankiness, as far as I'm concerned, and verges on homicidal mania. I have managed to avoid visiting Scotland for my entire adult life, and I think it may be a good thing I did that. |
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14 Nov 08 - 01:07 AM (#2493428) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: JennieG Yep....no doubt about it, we can be cranky. And damn proud of it too. You got a problem with that? Cheers JennieG |
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14 Nov 08 - 01:12 AM (#2493432) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Little Hawk Who, me? Nope. No problem at all. Not me. Uh-uh. No, ma'am. ;-) |
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14 Nov 08 - 01:42 AM (#2493436) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Ebbie lol Thanks for the giggles. Now back to the serious stuff. |
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14 Nov 08 - 04:04 AM (#2493483) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Liz the Squeak Come over here and say that to our faces Bobert and Little Hawk. MeganL and I will show you cranky that'll put you in the hospital for a month... Bee-Dubya-ell has it right. If it wasn't for women doing impressions of Mount St Helen or Old Faithful, you men wouldn't get anything done. Leastways, not done properly. LTS - who is so cranky today that she decided it was safer for all if she stayed at home! |
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14 Nov 08 - 07:54 AM (#2493613) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert I'd be expectin' a call from Obama's people, LtS... B;~) |
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14 Nov 08 - 08:45 AM (#2493655) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: SINSULL So today starts with some fool hillbilly telling me I ain't qualified BEFORE my first cup of coffee. An aside - did you see where a McCain aide referred to the Palins as the Wasilla Hillbillies raiding Sak's and Neiman Marcus? Definitely no conflict there. Speaking of conflict - BOBERT! CELLAR! |
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14 Nov 08 - 08:45 AM (#2493656) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: SINSULL But if I have to nominate someone it has to be Jacqui. You haven't seen cranky until you have seen Jacqui pissed off. Even Kendall cringes. LOL |
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14 Nov 08 - 08:53 AM (#2493667) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: jacqui.c LOL - Moi? I'm a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day So long as you don't piss me off! |
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14 Nov 08 - 09:12 AM (#2493683) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: maeve Hmmm... I have an hand-cranked garden chipper, one ice cream crank, one bread-kneader crank, a cider press crank, a coffee grinder crank, 2 food grinder cranks, and a grain mill/flour mill crank. At least two certifiably cranky friends have already posted here. I have been known to crank out a poem from time to time. I guess that means I'm cranky too, eh Bobert? |
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14 Nov 08 - 09:33 AM (#2493704) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Amos JAcqui? Cranky?? A Cranky Jacqui? SHe's become a Cranky Yankee Jacqui?? I don't believe it for a minute. Nahhh. SHe's a ray of sunshine. A little dollop of divine light dancing on the stage of creation. A bluebird of fine temperament, a mountain flower of SPring-like attributes. Cranky? Nahhhhhh. A |
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14 Nov 08 - 09:35 AM (#2493707) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: jacqui.c I love you Amos! See, SINSULL, you old bat - NO WAY am I cranky! Amos said so! |
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14 Nov 08 - 09:55 AM (#2493727) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: John MacKenzie Real Cranks ¦¬] |
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14 Nov 08 - 09:58 AM (#2493733) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Megan L "Bite the heads of Kittens" Heck Sinusull lassie you are no prcticin near hard enough the other day a lion roared at me i was just a tad cranky(It being that time) so i shoved ma hand doon its thrapple grabbed its tail and pulled. that'll learn onythin wie dang bits no tae growl at me . How in the blue blazes did i get mentioned in this thread onyweys ahm sic a quiet mild mannered we soul so I am. |
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14 Nov 08 - 10:02 AM (#2493737) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert Come on, Amos... Don't be wussy... Thems things ya' said about Jacqui ain't what you were sayin' at the Getaway... Fess up, son... The truth will set you free... B;~) |
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14 Nov 08 - 10:53 AM (#2493793) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: bfdk Yer sich a braw laddie, LH. Tak tent, thon Meg wid gladly punch yer ticket twice. Meg, dear, your capacity for crankiness is just ever so slightly surpassed by your capacity for fibbing. *dives for cover |
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14 Nov 08 - 11:07 AM (#2493809) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: jacqui.c Hmmmmmmm............. |
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14 Nov 08 - 11:45 AM (#2493848) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Amos Bobert, ya shouldn't be drinking all that Iron City before you post, man!! It makes for delusory assertions of deeply reprehensible charactyer!! Yeah, you!! :D Pay him no mind, m'dear. He wouldn't know a ray of sunshine if it bit him on the ass. A |
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14 Nov 08 - 11:57 AM (#2493856) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Tinker Cranky ? Ask the guys in my house what happens when mom has had enough of the over abundant testosterone that flows through the house.... It's enough to get a teengae boy to clean the bathroom without beeing asked.... |
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14 Nov 08 - 12:12 PM (#2493877) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Becca72 I'm OK now, but the other day at work I was so cranky I gave myself a time out. Walked into my supervisor's office and told her I had a bad attitude and I was goin' for a walk. S'not my fault I get cranky...I'm a woman AND I inherited Kendall's temper... |
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14 Nov 08 - 12:18 PM (#2493886) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert Now wait a minute here, Bec... No reason to drag poor ol' Kendell into a cranky woman thread... (He is married to jacqui, Boberdz???) Oh, nevermind... I'm beginning to get a tad cranky my ownself... B;~( |
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14 Nov 08 - 12:37 PM (#2493903) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: jacqui.c Trust me - you want to see cranky, come to our house when the Cap'n loses something or when sport is on instead of 60 minutes. |
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14 Nov 08 - 01:28 PM (#2493942) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: SINSULL Or I interrupt him when he's speaking Or when the guy at Ace recommends a way to tighten the screws in a chair Or...the ultimate...when the remote goes walkies. |
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14 Nov 08 - 02:22 PM (#2493996) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: John MacKenzie How can you be so cruel to such a sweet old man? ¦¬] |
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14 Nov 08 - 02:26 PM (#2494003) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Amos Those Morses must have a full time PR department, seein' the way we rally 'round at the slightest hint of disrespect!! LOL! You guys aren't coaching that wonderful Obama feller, by any chance? A |
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14 Nov 08 - 03:27 PM (#2494065) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Becca72 Or when something isn't going right fixing the car Or when someone closes the door he just opened Or when your cell phone rings |
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14 Nov 08 - 03:28 PM (#2494068) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Uncle_DaveO It's clear to me that the Secretary of Cranky Women just has to be a man. That's how you keep 'em cranky! Dave Oesterreich |
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14 Nov 08 - 06:14 PM (#2494202) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Ed T This may explain why some men give "the anger-finger" while driving while few women do likewise? http://www.livescience.com/health/050203_finger_length.html |
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14 Nov 08 - 06:18 PM (#2494206) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: ranger1 Or when we took the entire dryer apart and discovered we only needed to remove one panel in the back... |
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14 Nov 08 - 06:26 PM (#2494210) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: John MacKenzie Oh Tami! Hush my mouth. XG |
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14 Nov 08 - 07:12 PM (#2494240) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Becca72 LOL Tami..or like when he took the door panel off my driver's side door only to discover another door panel under it.... |
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14 Nov 08 - 07:22 PM (#2494248) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Amos Ooo! LEak!! Leak!!! A |
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14 Nov 08 - 09:52 PM (#2494329) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: MAG Kendall's a Down Easter; he's entitled. Something to think about before you move there. (My Dad was one; amazing numbers of them really are like that.) |
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15 Nov 08 - 09:19 AM (#2494519) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: SINSULL I have thought over this thread very carefully and concluded that Bobert is confusing cranky with nasty. Cranky women are bitchy and it is a temporary condition brought on by hormones and men. It is an endearing trait which amuses most people. Nasty women are hopelessly mean-spirited. The world revolves around them and their priorities. Disagree with them and the never-ending rant begins followed by why is everyone picking on me. They are not amusing. All of Kendall's "groupies" fall into the former category so I suggest that you put Kendall in charge of the Department of Cranky Women and watch him wind us all up. |
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15 Nov 08 - 09:27 AM (#2494529) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: SINSULL So, Ed T, size does matter after all. |
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15 Nov 08 - 09:34 AM (#2494533) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert Yeah, Sins, Kendall may just be the right person for the job and I'm sure Barack will let him hang his harpoon on the wall behind his new desk just in case things get outta hand with a nasty woman who needs a little attitude adjustment... I understand that harpoons are excellent tools for such situations... B~ |
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15 Nov 08 - 04:27 PM (#2494736) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: kendall "If nominated I will decline. If elected, I will not serve". Fuck off |
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15 Nov 08 - 04:43 PM (#2494741) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: bfdk He does sound like the perfect candidate, doesn't he? Kendall, you've got my vote. I'll even consider becoming cranky just so I may join your 'harem' :o)) |
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15 Nov 08 - 04:47 PM (#2494745) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: gnu Now. There is an election platform in fine form! Sounds like a write in candidate to me. |
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15 Nov 08 - 04:52 PM (#2494750) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: John MacKenzie Be afraid Cap'n, be very afraid. XG |
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15 Nov 08 - 05:04 PM (#2494756) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert Yeah, if I had any doubts before they have been erased... Better stay by the phone, Capt'n... |
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15 Nov 08 - 05:32 PM (#2494769) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: SINSULL Can I hold his coat????? The leather one?????? |
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15 Nov 08 - 05:44 PM (#2494774) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: bfdk Sins, what is it with you and leather - and banjos? |
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15 Nov 08 - 05:53 PM (#2494779) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: John MacKenzie Old Leather Britches |
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15 Nov 08 - 06:53 PM (#2494805) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: JennieG There is a magnet on my fridge with a picture of a grumpy old teddy bear, the caption underneath says "Piss me off and suffer the consequences". I bought it. It's been there for over ten years. It's not going anywhere. Cheers JennieG |
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15 Nov 08 - 07:18 PM (#2494817) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Ed T If you feel it, why not let the world know? http://www.stickergiant.com/A-Pissed-Off-Woman_y4396.html |
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16 Nov 08 - 11:19 AM (#2495134) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: kendall Actually, I'm a SNAG. (Sensitive new age guy) but don't spread it around. |
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16 Nov 08 - 01:31 PM (#2495260) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Amos Shhh! Kendall, don't be blowing your shore story now!!!! You have any idea how much effort has been invested in your PR profile? A |
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16 Nov 08 - 07:44 PM (#2495492) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Little Hawk Shirley MacLaine is definitely on the inside track. I've known that for years. |
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16 Nov 08 - 10:13 PM (#2495558) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Gurney You blokes are barmy! Why don't you go to the zoo and throw stones at the Rhino? They only remember things for a couple of days, and you can make friends again with a couple of cabbages. Kendal, you are the only one with the sense to come in out of the rain. Even if you do claim to be a SNAG. |
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16 Nov 08 - 11:54 PM (#2495576) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: catspaw49 I wouldn't have the job. I can't deal with a truly cranky woman. Most things I've read on this thread are mild by comparison to a real woman in Monster Crank Mode. MCM thankfully may not occur often but I think most men are like myself and when confronted with MCM, completely dissemble like Jackie Gleason when Audrey Meadows nailed him.....Remember that "Homina-Homina-Homina" bit he did with looks of fear on his face. That's the least of it. Last Saturday morning Karen arrived home from work about 10 AM. We've both been on a diet for two weeks and were going to the grocery store after checking the new list. Tris came along and Michael wisely slept on (and on and on). For reasons I can no longer recall or fathom we decided to make a couple of other stops first. By the time we got to the store, it was about 3 and the damn place was crowded.....unusual for a Saturday during football season in Central Ohio. Karen is really waning quickly by this point and even her carry along cup of Tim Horton's coffee was having no effect. We reached the check-out with two carts about 3:30. Now let me set the whole thing up so you can see it coming and happening. Karen is the world's best partner and my best friend. Why she married me or tolerates me is a total mystery. She could have done much better especially perhaps by marrying some guy who didn't develop multitudinous health issues. She has a job with heavy responsibility (Senior Lead Tech-runs the night shift in a large hospital pathology lab) and drives almost an hour each way. She has just finished two weeks of a short staff where she has worked 60 plus hours each week and is now coming off a 14 hour shift, has been up 24 hours and had only 4 hours sleep the day before. Additionally we had weighed before we left and while I lost 11 pounds in two weeks, she had lost 2. Are you ready? Tris is trying to be his helpful self but that often involves saying, "Son, don't help anymore than you absolutely have to." He's trying to unload a cart and Karen is trying to move him along so we can get the other one unloaded as well. She sets her Tim's coffee down and within probaly 10 seconds, she turns at something going on in line and hits the coffee, spilling it on the grocery belt.....it was a LOT of coffee. She takes a couple of steps back. Coffee is everywhere......She whirls in my direction and I went right into the Homina routine as soon as I saw the look her face. Her body was ramrod straight. I was confronting a HUGE MCM. The male part in this runs something like, "It's okay Honey....No big deal" or some other lame-ass thing that is so feeble it has less than no power to soothe the savage. Karen's eyes are burning with fire and I swear there were lightning bolts laden with tungsten that shot out and burned through my eyes and skull leaving a molten path as they exited the back of my head. Some strange force seems to be emanating from every pore turning me into a quaking Homina speaker. Both my nuts fell off. And in a voice as cold as ice with an edge like a razor and strong as steel......sort of Guillotine-like come to think of it......she announced, "I AM GOING TO THE CAR." She did. I retrieved my balls and put them in my coat for reattachment in the future and began to help clean up and get the check out done. It took a few minutes but soon the line was back in business and Tris and I headed to the car, he joyously and myself with the fear of a man about to enter a den of rattlesnakes. Karen faced straight forward as I attempted to make a bit of an apology for whatever ta' hell it was I'd done. "Let's just go home.".........Every man who has heard these four words, brittle and cold, knows there is no "just" to it and deep shit awaits. I stopped into Tim Horton's and got her another coffee She sorta' grinned which brought out the real Karen for a moment and we began to talk about things and soon she felt better but I treaded lightly til I had served up supper and tucked her in bed.....or actually in her recliner where she dropped right after eating. This is not a fault in any woman, especially certain women like Karen. They are kind and loving and able to cope with damn near anything 99% of the time...maybe more. These were the women placed here to partner up with Jackasses like Kendall and myself and Bobertz and Bill.......No one could have a better partner and friend than I do and I suspect those other guys feel the same way about their "buddies" as well. I dunno' why she married me or how she puts up with me and if the very rare but very huge MCM appears at times, then its damn little price to pay. Spaw |
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17 Nov 08 - 02:50 AM (#2495608) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bert Not at Mudcat Bobert. All the Mudcat women are wonderful. |
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17 Nov 08 - 04:11 AM (#2495643) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Liz the Squeak Now there are two men who know exactly what to say/do to their ladies... any chance you could start a training course? LTS |
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17 Nov 08 - 05:15 AM (#2495669) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: John MacKenzie Nope |
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17 Nov 08 - 07:47 AM (#2495723) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: kendall Every once in a while I enjoy a spirited "mad on". They cleanse the blood and calm the nerves. This one, however, has this way of dealing with my cranky moods by being able to see the humor, and there goes that rant. taint fair. |
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17 Nov 08 - 07:52 AM (#2495726) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: maeve Oh, how ye suffer, Kendall! |
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17 Nov 08 - 08:13 AM (#2495741) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: SINSULL I am always intimidated by Kendall's "mad ons". Me and Seamus try to be as small and quiet as possible. Jacqui takes him on full force. Interesting to watch...from a distance. |
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17 Nov 08 - 08:29 AM (#2495753) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: John MacKenzie Think of him as being like someone who hasn't had their first coffee of the morning Sins. XG |
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17 Nov 08 - 09:21 AM (#2495778) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Amos LOL!! SPaw, that was a touching and beautifully written piece o' work. It is much to your credit if that's an example of your worst MCM encounters. I useta do things that were much stupider than "letting" my wife spill her coffee. In consequence, over the years, I have seen MCMs I would not even want to recall!! But gradually, I have learned how to deal with things in amore responsible manner, much like a schnauzer who finally learns not to chew the bedspread or the slippers. Woof. A |
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17 Nov 08 - 02:21 PM (#2496020) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Little Hawk MCMs are among life's most terrifying moments, no doubt about it. It all goes to those early experiences with Mom. (virtually) Every man basically wants to please women and make them happy...but when they get really angry, well, it can just freeze your blood. |
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17 Nov 08 - 03:02 PM (#2496040) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: CarolC I agree that most men basically want to please women and make them happy. About half the time. The other half of the time, they want to poke them with sticks and watch them jump. (I realize that can be taken at least two ways. I am referring in this case, however, to the meaning that hasn't got anything to do with sex.) |
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17 Nov 08 - 04:02 PM (#2496086) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Little Hawk I don't follow you on that, Carol. (?) I have basically 2 attitudes toward women: 1. Most of them I have no special reaction to at all...they're just other human beings out there and I deal with them about the same as I would with other men, that is, I'm polite, I try to get along and be courteous, I make a bit of conversation if it seems appropriate, I do business with them if I need to, whatever. Neutral reaction, in other words. 2. A few of them, however, I find quite attractive. Those I either observe quietly without further ramifications (they're probably unaware of me doing so) or a few of them I might interact with some, in which case I definitely want to please them and make them happy. Now then, one may end up in a "relationship" with a woman. It's been known to happen. ;-D Then things get kind of complicated, and what may ensue all depends on the particular psychological needs of the two people involved. Anything can happen. I wouldn't even attempt to sum it up in anything under 100,000 words. (grin) Anyway, there are undoubtedly some men who want to "poke them (women) with sticks and watch them jump", but I'm not one of them. I always got the impression that women were basically in command, ever since about age 7. They make men jump, in my opinion. |
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17 Nov 08 - 04:41 PM (#2496126) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: CarolC The idea of jumping out from behind a door and saying BOO! to Wynona Ryder isn't even the tiniest bit enticing? ;-) |
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17 Nov 08 - 04:43 PM (#2496127) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Lizzie Cornish 1 "I dunno' why she married me or how she puts up with me and if the very rare but very huge MCM appears at times, then its damn little price to pay." Heck, I know why she married you Spaw! :0) Awwwwwwwwww.... |
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17 Nov 08 - 04:44 PM (#2496128) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Little Hawk Well, if we're talking sheer fantasy....yeah. ;-) |
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17 Nov 08 - 05:03 PM (#2496143) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert Well, Spawz, count yerself lucky... Every time to Martins Food Store with the P-Vine is cause for MCM but usally with the people in line or the poor check out girl... I know it's gonna happen so I just stay the heck outta the way and wait her out... Ya' see, the check out line for the P-Vine is her saopbox... She fumes about the cost of sweet potatoes, the state of youth these days, Republicans, the way ya' kind find cotton nightgowns and just about any other thing that is buggin' her... And let one person acknowldge her be either agreein' or disagreein' and out comes a higher level of MCM... Then fir her grand finale' she always, like in 100% of the time, has to complain about the credit/debit card swiper... The MCM goes on from the time she gets in line until the check out girl musters up a couragous "Thank you, ma'am"... Then the P-Vine fusses all the way to car about whatever she was fussin' about in the check out line, critiques veryone who was in the line with her, ctiticizes the way I pack the car... "Put ther frozen stuff in the bottom of the cooler"... Like I don't know that??? Then she gets into the car... I sneak in the driver's door, start the car and no matter when I put it in gear to leave get the usaul, "What's your hurry???" to which I do no respond but strat driving home... 5 minutes later she is back to being her sweet, loving, perky self and all is well until the next dreaded trip to Martin's Food Store... Yeah, I know what yer thinkin', Sapwzer... "Well, try another food store, Boberdz"... First of all, suggestin' any food store but Martins is like lighting the MCM fuse 'cause, other than Costco, she won't go anywhere else... "Prices are too high and they sell old produce"... Like how would she know if she has never set foot in any of them??? But, secondly, I think she has such a long history of MCM episodes at Martin's I think she just feel comfy having her little meltdowns there... See, this is why I really don't unnersatnd the womanz race... I mean, I can screw up all I want 'round the farm... I can go days without shavin'... I can play outta my geetar outta tune... I can fart, scratch, pick my nose and occasionally leave my underwear on the floor... You know, all the fun men stuff and she is just as nice and sweet as a womanz can be... But Martin's Food Store??? How do you spell, MCM??? B~ |
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17 Nov 08 - 05:13 PM (#2496150) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Little Hawk Perhaps it is a "sick" building? She may be allergic to the place. If so, you can sue them for damages! ;-) |
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17 Nov 08 - 06:12 PM (#2496197) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert Nah, LH.... They had a Martin's back in Wes Ginny... Same thing... Actually, there is part of this that is kinda funny... This Martin's hires a couple of mentally challenged young men to bag and collect carts and there is one who seems to get a lot of pleasure outta the P-Vine so he pushed the other one outta the way just to watch and listen to her... I'm not sure it means anything to him but she does get quite theatrical... Purdy entertaining, I guess, if yer mentally challenged... I don't think the chek out gals are quite as entertained, especially since she tends to accuse them of being in part of the 88-cents-per-pound-sweet-potato-conspiracy... "Farmers had 'um 4 pounds for a dollar... What are ya'll doin' here???"... B~ |
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17 Nov 08 - 08:45 PM (#2496294) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Amos Hey, Bobert, somebody's gotta push back!! Jes' count yourself lucky she's willing to step up and do it fer you!! A |
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17 Nov 08 - 09:03 PM (#2496303) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert Yeah, stop here before next Getaway an' you take her to Martin's Food Store... Easy to talk when yer, ahhhhh, 5 ot 6,000 miles from here... I mean, let's get real here... Let's do a little Wse Ginny Rithmatizin'... Here's the question: Like ya' need like 6 pounds of sweet taters and one store has 'um $1 fir 4 pounds and the other store has 'um fir 88 cents a pound... But the first store is sold out... Now this is what we call a Wes Ginny "trinomial equation"... That's where ya' have a third variable and in this case it's a friggin' plant sale 100 miles away... You followin' this one, buddy??? Well, if gas is $2.00 a gallon and ya' gotta take the P-Vine to lunch, another $20.00 to go to the plant sale and she spends $125 fir $175 worth of plants then what the big deal about payin' 88 cents a pound fir 6 pounds of sweet potatoes??? There, answer me that one if ya can... Like I said, you take her to Martin's... No, make that, "I dare you to take her to Martin's!!!" I mean, I love's ya, Amos, but you ain't done the math here... B~ |
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17 Nov 08 - 09:10 PM (#2496306) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Amos Hey, amigo, you bet!! Soon's I retire and start traveling, I'll be by there and me and P-Vine are going shopping for sweet potaters. Yes sir!! I looks forward to it!!! (See, I have a secret advantage -- I never dragged her through two states named Virginia and made her buy an old hotel, either...). A |
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17 Nov 08 - 09:29 PM (#2496317) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: CarolC Then on the other hand, there's my sweetie who somehow manages to find ways to please me and make me jump all at the same time. ;-P |
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17 Nov 08 - 09:31 PM (#2496319) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert Wow, glad to hear that she bought the old hotel... Maybe I'll go tell her that seein' as tomorrow someone, which was gonna be me, is gonna have to squeeze thru an 18 inch hole down under it run about 50 feet of water line in a crawl space no bigger than one can belly thru and that seein' as she bought the hotel that it might as well be her... Amos, Amos, Amos??? You got too close to the smoke tonight, ol' buddy... Way to close... But, yeah, sniff... I did the rst of them things but that ain't no excise git the ol' gal to be a nut, is it??? Okay, leave that question alone, too... B~ |
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17 Nov 08 - 10:08 PM (#2496342) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Amos ROFLMAO. Well, all right, I never did see the papers. I figgered it was joint property, but, what do I know? I'm from California, where you can be slapped for messing with joint property if you spit on the sidewalk or throw away a ripped pair of strainers. So go on and dig on down there, Mister Bobez. All I can say is (1) thank the lord your bony butt is as skinny as it is (18.5 inches, to be exact) and (2) you damn well better string that pipe right--'cuz if it breaks down while you're still alive, you know who they're gonna send down there into the flood to patch it up. A |
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17 Nov 08 - 11:16 PM (#2496370) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Little Hawk You need a well-trained dachshund for that job, Bobert. They'll do anything for food. Trust me. Just put 20 pounds of sausages at the far end of the crawl space, the dachshund at the near end with the water line tied to him, let him get a whiff of them sausages, and Bob's yer Uncle! |
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18 Nov 08 - 06:46 AM (#2496545) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: kendall My ex and I are good friends now, but back then it was a different story. Fire and TNT. poor match. I recently asked her if she was as hard to get along with as she was when we were together, and I was surprised at her answer" "I'm even harder now because I can be. You didn't put up with my crap." |
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18 Nov 08 - 07:51 AM (#2496577) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Bobert I like that, Kendall... Think, seein' as this is the P-Vine's birthday, that I'll just announce to her that for a birthday prezzie I'll just quit puttin' up with her crap!!!" Whaddyathink??? B~ |
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18 Nov 08 - 08:48 AM (#2496633) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: jacqui.c Not a good idea Bobert. You'd be better off coming face to face with that bear. |
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18 Nov 08 - 09:30 AM (#2496665) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: John MacKenzie You won't be around to buy her a present, next time she has a birthday Bobert. That's for sure. XG [if you do that] |
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18 Nov 08 - 11:31 AM (#2496777) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: ranger1 Yeah, well, my curly-haired J-boy could tell you all a little something about cranky women. Silly boy offered me a can of soup when I said I wanted mac and cheese. This was after working a ten hour day because some stupid girls decided to hang out on the trails until almost two hours after closing time at the park and I had just started the first steps of getting a search and rescue organized - two hours after sunset is considered beyond a reasonable time for someone to have left and I have to assume they are seriously lost or injured. It was cold, dark, my feet were wet and I have no access to indoor plumbing at the park and I had to pee. I was cranky to begin with and I DID NOT want a stupid can of soup!!! He really should know better after 10 years that carbohydrates and cheese are what soothes the savage beast, not soup! Oh, and he did survive the experience. |
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18 Nov 08 - 11:43 AM (#2496789) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: bfdk Hmmmm... to where do we send the 'Get Well Soon' cards, Tami? ;-) |
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18 Nov 08 - 11:57 AM (#2496804) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: Lizzie Cornish 1 And so, the Secretary of The Department of 'Cranky But Gorgeous Women' gathered her Gals around her to instruct them on how to handle e mails from The Department of 'Cranky About Hanky Panky Men'...... Lesson No. 1 |
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18 Nov 08 - 12:43 PM (#2496843) Subject: RE: BS: Department of Cranky Women??? From: kendall I guess I'm lucky. Jacqui reads my mind and I read hers. |
