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10 Feb 09 - 11:25 AM (#2562786) Subject: BS: they walk among us From: goatfell I was sent this from my sister in Australia as an e-mail Dumb and dumber in real world Idiotic 'Millionaire' Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever Kathy Evans, the single dumbest contestant to ever get on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?' NEW YORK - Idaho resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.' It seems that Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing 'the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.' After being introduced to the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an extremely easy $100 question. The question was: 'Which of the following is the largest?' A) A Peanut B) An Elephant C) The Moon D) Hey, who you calling large? Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not readily know the answer. 'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief and disgust. 'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.' Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure. 'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans. 'Darn. I think I better phone a friend.' Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant. 'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!' said Evans, wasting the first seven seconds of her call. 'Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun.' Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds. 'Come on Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Puh, that can't be it.' To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend's advice and pick 'The Moon.' 'I just don't know if I can trust Betsy.. She's not all that bright. So I think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans. Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favour of answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life. 'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the too-stupid-to-live Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let's see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I'm going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer.' Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.' This one is actually better!!! *Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.' The next day someone stole it.* *Caution... They Walk Among Us!* *One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted....'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where???'* **They Walk among us!!* *** While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff.' * **They Walk Among Us!!* **** My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.* **They Walk Among Us!!!!* *** I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half kilogram sirloin. She informed me they only had an 500g sirloin. Not wanting to make a scene, I told her I would take the 500g steak instead of the half-kgr.* **They walk among us! * **** My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped She keeps it in the boot...* **They Walk Among Us!!!!!* *** My friends and I were on a Lager run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.... * **They Walk Among Us!!!!!!* *** I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?' I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...* **They Walk Among Us!!!!!!! * *** I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...* **They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!* *** While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.* **Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!* *Sadly, not only do they walk among us, they also reproduce!!!!* |
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10 Feb 09 - 11:31 AM (#2562794) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Wesley S I remember looking at some plastic combs at a checkout counter. I said - good - they're priced four for a dollar. The clerk said - no sir they are .25 cents each. Yes - they do walk among us. |
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10 Feb 09 - 11:35 AM (#2562800) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: wysiwyg It's all very funny, until you realize you are laughing at the momentary lapses of people just like us, or the permanent lapses of people just like some of the most community-treasured children of Mudcatters. ~S~ |
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10 Feb 09 - 11:43 AM (#2562813) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: DMcG As most of them are jokes, hoaxes or otherwise made-up-stuff, I'm not too worried. See snopes about 'Millionaire' for example. But we all come out with similar stuff from time to time, and some can be great: we treasure the occasion my wife wanted to see the oracle racing in Wales. |
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10 Feb 09 - 11:46 AM (#2562817) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Bill D Now...here's a story that actually happened to me. I'll let you decide whether there was 'stupidity' involved, and by whom, and on what level. Maybe *I* walk among THEM. Many years ago, I was traveling with a friend on a project in Colorado. We had stopped for breakfast at a small diner in Poudre Canyon. There were the usual items on the menu, complete with a list of 'standard' combinations, most of which included eggs, which I do not eat (at least in forms identifiable as 'egg') But...the #3 breakfast was almost exactly what I wanted, sausage, hash browns, and toast...except for the egg. ($1.75) So...I told the waitress I wanted sausage, hash browns & toast. "No egg?", she asked, "That's the #3, and it comes with one egg." "No, I don't eat eggs", I replied.."Just the sausage, hash browns & toast." "Ok", she said, "but that'll be "$2.25" "Ummm...why?" "Because you are ordering ala carte, the sausage is $1.25, the hashbrowns are 75¢, and the toast is 25¢." "You mean," says I increduously, "you are gonna charge me 50¢ to NOT cook an egg?" "Well, that's the way the menu works, the regular breakfasts are at set prices...the ala carte items are priced individually. I was so nonplussed, I just ordered & ate the expensive way. My buddy said later, "you should have just ordered the #3, and said "hold the egg"." I really wondered if that would have worked. What I really should have done was order the #3, ask for the egg, raw...in the shell...and at the end, leave her the egg as a tip, saying that she could sell it to someone else for 50¢....or maybe not. So...was the restaurant stupid for not having a simple way to resolve such issues? Or the waitress, for not suggesting that she just CALL it #3 and not cooking the egg..? I suppose I could have ordered the egg scrambled hard, and left it on my plate....but, dammit, I don't like LOOKING at egg on my plate, and they'd no doubt have gotten it mixed with the potatoes. |
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10 Feb 09 - 11:52 AM (#2562821) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Rapparee I work in a library. I once asked some computer techs to help me write a program which would identify the books which were listed as being on the shelf but which weren't really there. They must have worked for ten minutes before they realized.... |
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10 Feb 09 - 11:52 AM (#2562822) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: John on the Sunset Coast I have added myself to the list. In sending out this post to friends, I forgot to attach the attachment before hitting send. But knowing my friends they're probably busting a gut at those stories anyway. LOL :>( |
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10 Feb 09 - 12:00 PM (#2562828) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: MMario A LOT of restauraunts basically allow "no substitutions" - so unless yoou order it "their way" you pay ala carte - and yes, it costs more. But that way a number 3 is a number 3; not possibly a number three minus egg; or a number three minus toast; or a number three no hash browns. This is especially true if their inventory is tied into their register. And 4 for a buck and 25 cents each *ARE* different prices under some retail circumstances. So what might appear to be stupidity could be company policy and no fault of the person. |
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10 Feb 09 - 12:10 PM (#2562840) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: John on the Sunset Coast Bill D - let me go you one better: 25 years ago my wife and I bought a refrigerator. I told the sales person to put it on a 90 days same as cash contract, which he did. He 'offered' us Credit Insurance. I replied negatively as I pointed out to him I was going to be paying it off in 90 days. He then wrote in $3.00. What I asked him was the $3.00 for? It was it turned out, a fee for NOT taking credit insurance. Needless to say I was incredulous! This fee was company policy. I told him my policy was they could insist on that fee and lose a sale, or make a couple of hundred dollars by not charging the fee. We almost had to leave before he made the right decision. |
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10 Feb 09 - 12:21 PM (#2562852) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Georgiansilver Whilst living in Lancashire I was managing a Resource/reception centre for children. One of the staff and her boyfriend supported Blackburn Rovers football team and her boyfriend phoned her at work to ask if she wanted to go that evening to watch Blackburn playing 'Spartak Moscow'.. to which she replied "Are they at home or away"??????// DUHHH |
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10 Feb 09 - 12:26 PM (#2562856) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: DMcG My nearest example to that was a computer clitch, not a human one (or not the sales staff anyway). I wanted to buy an item, found it on the shelf and took it to the desk. "Sorry, the computer says it's out of stock, I can't sell it." "But it's here." "I know, but it's out of stock." Once we got the terminology sorted out, it turned out the computer system simply would not let them sell an unstocked item, no matter how much you pleaded with it. I knew it existed, they knew, but the computer knew best. A bit like Rapaire's books in reverse, really. |
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10 Feb 09 - 12:34 PM (#2562866) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: olddude I failed a student in college because he did not show up for the final exam. He came in and told me his grandmother died and that is why he missed his exam. He said he lived with his grandmother. He went home and told his grandmother i flunked him. The next day his grandmother called me at my office and chewed me out for flunking her grandson I told he she sounded pretty good for a dead lady ... They walk among us !! She got really quiet after that and said ... ahh I am sorry |
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10 Feb 09 - 12:42 PM (#2562872) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: wyrdolafr Private Eye has a regular mini-feature on the replies that some television/radio contestants give to pretty basic questions. Whilst brain-fart can happen to the best of us, I think it's pretty charitable to believe that these were responsible for all these kinds of answers. |
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10 Feb 09 - 01:11 PM (#2562901) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Ebbie I have said - and done - many stupid things in my life, some due to stupidity (failing a logical sequence) or ignorance (not yet knowing something) or just a msssive temporary air bubble. I will no doubt do plenty more. What currently punches my irritation button is someone either unable or unwilling to recotgnize or to acknowledge the difference between humor and fact. As Snopes sats clearly the Kathy Evans story is FALSE, being the product of digital manipulation involving two different contestants and two different questions. I wonder how I would feel if my name and identity became the stuff of ridicule bandied about for years to come? |
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10 Feb 09 - 01:19 PM (#2562909) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Little Hawk Bill...here is what Jack Nicholson did when confronted with a restaurant situation similar to the one you were dealing with. "Hold the chicken..." |
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10 Feb 09 - 01:22 PM (#2562915) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Uncle_DaveO Rapaire, you said: I work in a library. I once asked some computer techs to help me write a program which would identify the books which were listed as being on the shelf but which weren't really there. They must have worked for ten minutes before they realized.... I guess that _I_ don't realize. First I thought you might mean that the list of what's been checked out and not yet returned would equal "the books which were listed as being on the shelf but which weren't really there," but that won't work. Striking books listed as "out" from the library's list of books theoretically "on the shelf" will give you what should be there, but it won't account for thefts, for instance. Nor will it identify acquisitions or de-acquisitions which have not been entered properly. But short of a physical inventory, which is a grand pain in the patootie, to coin a phrase, possibly involving a period of library shutdown, I don't see a way. And avoiding a physical inventory, I would take it, is the whole point of asking for a computer means. What have I missed? Or maybe I just don't know enough about library science. Dave Oesterreich |
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10 Feb 09 - 01:26 PM (#2562920) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: John on the Sunset Coast Ebbie, if what you say about that story being a fabrication is true, I think it is dispicable to have used a persons real name. And if what you say is true, I'm sorry I passed it on as posted. Had I known it was false, I would have deleted her name, and just passed it on as any apocryphal anecdote. After reading Snopes convoluted article, I wonder if there really is Kathy Evans who was on the show. |
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10 Feb 09 - 01:30 PM (#2562926) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Ebbie I didn't find the Snopes story convoluted, John. Evidently the two people had the same last name (Kathy and Fiona). I agree about using real names. At this point I see no evidence that they used or are using pseudonyms. |
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10 Feb 09 - 01:33 PM (#2562933) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: VirginiaTam Several years ago at some festival (before the days of Guitar Hero and Wii) my partner and I overheard a mumbling male youth in dangersouly dropped trousers, proclaim to his mates that he really wanted an air guitar, but he didn't know which kind he should get. Before I had time to laugh out loud, his mates were rolling all over the grass in guffaws of mirth. This kid was obviously nonplussed by the reaction of his friends. They walk among us. |
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10 Feb 09 - 01:50 PM (#2562961) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Big Mick I am with Ebbie 100%. It takes all of 30 seconds to check out these things through Snopes.com or Truth or Fiction.com. These are both recognized sites that get to the bottom of these types of things. What is the harm? one asks. When we spread a lie all over the world it can have impact on businesses, jobs, and folks lives. I remember the one about being careful walking through the Target Store lot. When I debunked it, I was told that I was rude, and what's the harm? I'll tell you what the harm is. I wonder how much business was lost due to that innocent little lie? HERE IS THE SNOPES REPORT on this issue. Take a second, read it top to bottom. Then bookmark Snopes.com. And use it. They walk among us ........ people that would rather spread lies than the truth, and worse, ..... people that pass them on when all it takes is a simple 30 second check to find truth. Mick |
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10 Feb 09 - 02:18 PM (#2562987) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: robomatic One used to be able to get write-ins of great IN-DUH-VIDUALS via the Dilbert e-letter. This was discontinued some years ago but may be on the web site, www.dilbert.com. I don't know if Dilbert, a daily cartoon, makes it over the pond. It ought to, as they felt free to include Steven Hawking as a guest character on their short lived Television show. |
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10 Feb 09 - 04:03 PM (#2563086) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Snoozer This happened early one morning. I'm usually the first to arrive at work (a building, in an office complex, with lots of windows) and this particular morning as I was walking to my office, with my first cup of coffee, this guy knocks on a side door as I pass by it. I opened it and he says he has a delivery to make to company XYZ, somewhere in the complex, do I know where that is? Well, my brain did engage and I tried to recall where I had seen that company name. The think is, I didn't say anything. So after several seconds of my staring, he made a rude comment, so I just closed the door and continued back to my office. Did I mention I was carrying my *first* cup of coffee. Oh well, I guess he had a story to tell his buddies. |
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10 Feb 09 - 05:14 PM (#2563170) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Bee-dubya-ell A couple of years back I received a phone call from a fellow in Atlanta who had bought some pottery from me at an art festival there and had kept my business card. He asked if we were going to be at the festival again that year (we were) and if I could make something special for him. He explained that he had broken his favorite lidded casserole dish and wanted a replacement. He gave me the exact dimensions, but when I asked him what color glaze he wanted on it he acted a little confused. "I don't want a colored glaze, I want it to be clear," he said. "Oh, so you just want a clear glaze with the natural color of the clay showing through?" I asked. "No," he replied, "I want it clear. Like a window." It was 100% new information to him when I explained that potters work with clay which is opaque, that what he wanted was something made of glass which is clear and transparent. And I'm still not certain I convinced him. He probably thinks I was making it all up just because I didn't really want to do a special order. Yes, they walk among us. Fortunately, he walks about 300 miles from where I live. |
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10 Feb 09 - 05:24 PM (#2563180) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Nickhere A relative of mine (who shall remain nameless) was deeply perturbed one day over an accountancy problem. Seeing her in a spot of bother I asked what was up. "I can't figure this one out" she said, "I've been putting 50 euros a month into the bank for the last year and I seem to be 100 short. But I KNOW the money went into the bank!" She proceeded to demonstrate, counting on her fingers - "look, 50 euros, and 50 euros and 50 euros..." and so on until we arrived at 500 euros instead of the expected 600. "A year, you say?" I asked, she nodded "and since when did you have 12 fingers?" I continued. The good news is that once I said it she immediately got the point and almost p****d herself laughing. |
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10 Feb 09 - 05:47 PM (#2563206) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Sorcha My son was once asked 'How much is the free coffee?' REALLY |
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10 Feb 09 - 05:50 PM (#2563207) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Nickhere Well Sorcha, that was a favorite of ours when we were in school. We would all troop over to the local sweet shop and deliberately annoy the proprietor by asking things like "how much are the penny sweets?" Those were the days.... but I'm sure we must have been a nuisance. |
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10 Feb 09 - 06:16 PM (#2563234) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Bill D Like Bee-dubya-ell, I do crafts...mine is turned wood - bowls, vases, platters and odd things that are just shapes loosely based on 'rounding' all or part of a piece of wood. At least once every show, someone asks me, "Oh...do you make all these yourself?" Well, I am not sure where they think I got them, but I have adopted a standard answer..."I do...because they wouldn't let me be in the show if I didn't." This is not 'quite' on the level with some of the items above, but it does exhibit a certain vagueness of thought processes. Often, it is obvious that the person just doesn't cope on the levels of the average show attendee. I do try to be polite in all my answers....and I get asked some very strange questions about wood. -------------------------------------------------------------------- This whole thread reminds me of Jay Leno's "JayWalking" routine, where he interviews folks on the street about items in the news and facts relevant to them. Then, they play the really, really |
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10 Feb 09 - 06:41 PM (#2563259) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Little Hawk Bill, regarding your turned wood bowls and the other thingies you make...I have some questions. Does the wood you use come from trees? Do the trees have to be cut down to get it? Does cutting across the grain of the wood hurt the tree? Does it hurt you? Do you keep count of all the trees that have been cut down to supply your wood? Do you think that your hobby may be having a deleterious impact on the Earth's ecosphere by causing rampant deforestation? ;-) |
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10 Feb 09 - 07:07 PM (#2563285) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Uncle_DaveO Bill D, as to the question, someone asks me, "Oh...do you make all these yourself?", what's so dumb about that? (I ask that at the risk of being considered dumb myself, I guess.) That might mean: "Are you marketing for a larger group of craftsmen?" or "Do you have associates or partners in your enterprise who make some of these?" or maybe, "Do you buy semifinished shapes and put the final shape and finish on them?" or even "Are these made in China" (or somewhere else) "and imported for you to sell?" Dave Oesterreich |
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10 Feb 09 - 07:13 PM (#2563290) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: GUEST,Slag LH, I am assuming that your link is to the clip from Nicholson's role in "Five Easy Pieces", one of my all-time favorite movies and scenes. Beautiful. I have to tell one on myself. I got a call at work one morning from an absentee employee...he wanted to speak with the boss. I couldn't raise the boss on the intercom so I went looking. I found him casually talking with several other co-workers. I told him that so-and-so had called in and wanted to speak with him. "Where is he?" the boss asked. I was caught totally off base by the question "On the phone!" I replied! Everyone burst out into uncontrollable laughter...including bright red me. |
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10 Feb 09 - 07:22 PM (#2563296) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Ebbie Do you take American money in Alaska? (Yes) How far north do you have to go before the deer become moose? (huh?) Why is the glacier so dirty? (Tho dirt is gravel and boulders ) How far above sea level are you? (That's the ocean out there) Why is the water so low/high? (Oceans have tides) I don't really think of those questions as being 'stupid', merely the product of a temporarily vacant space. |
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10 Feb 09 - 07:37 PM (#2563312) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Bill D Little Hawk..you've been listening! Those are pretty close to some I've heard....though they are more about whether I 'carve'. Now, the one about deforestation I take seriously and am happy to answer and reassure folks about. Dave...the shows I enter require all items to be made by the person showing. I don't believe they ask questions like that of most other crafters...but wooden art forms seem to puzzle folks. Clay and jewelry and painting, they 'get'. I seldom try to discern exactly which of the questions you pose they are asking, and frankly, it doesn't usually 'feel' like any of them, but rather more like.."Gee... I never saw anything like that before, and I can't think of what to ask." |
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10 Feb 09 - 09:03 PM (#2563364) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Rapparee Dave, I asked them, in essence, to tell me what books had been physically removed from the shelves (stolen, for instance) and yet were listed in the computer as being physically present. Yes, a physical inventory would be the only thing to tell that. The last time we did a complete inventory was two years or so ago; it took more than two weeks and during that time we were closed. It had been ten or more years since the last one. Now we do "sample inventories" and if problems crop up we inventory the entire collection (e.g., the collection of adult paperback mystery novels). It's not library science; it's just good business practice. If I could afford RFID (which I cannot) I could inventory by running a paddle-shaped reader along the shelf. Not only could this do an inventory, but it would also tell me what books are out of order AND serve as a theft detection system AND a self-checkout system AND could be a self-checkin system. I can't afford that, so folks have to deal with the personal touch. |
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11 Feb 09 - 03:33 AM (#2563546) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Dave Hanson Howdy stranger, Well hello there stranger, Tell me does this road go all the way to Little Rock ? I've been standin here all day and it aint gone nowhere yet. |
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11 Feb 09 - 07:55 AM (#2563697) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: GUEST,Cliff Senior engineer at work (University Graduate) asks me to have a stainless steel component fabricated in our workshops. I send the design & order details & 2 days later receive the item. One hole is 10mm. "Thats the wrong size", he says, "it should be 8mm" I told him the only way to fix it was to send it back to the workshop, get the hole filled with weld & re-drilled. "Can't you just drill it out?" he asked. |
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11 Feb 09 - 10:14 AM (#2563823) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: GUEST,Jonny Sunshine I did once have trouble convincing the sales assistant in my local chemists that medicine that wasn't recommended for children under one year was OK for my 15-month old. |
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11 Feb 09 - 10:19 AM (#2563828) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Dead Horse Directions Q "Can I get to (insert place,town, etc) from here? A "No. You have to start from somewhere else" |
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11 Feb 09 - 10:28 AM (#2563842) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: DMcG So far, I think only Bill D has admitted that the 'they' who walk amongst us could be us. I think its time we confessed to some stupid things we have done ourselves. Here's a few of mine: a) Withdrawn cash from an ATM and then walked away without it. I only got about 5 steps, but it had gone by then! b) Got into the car of a complete stranger and fastened my seatbelt. c) Book a taxi where they drive on the other side of the road, then try to get into the driver's seat while he's putting cases in the back. d) Not funny, but certainly stupid: switch on an electric drill without removing the gadget to tighten the chuck. |
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11 Feb 09 - 10:52 AM (#2563864) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: jeffp Go out the back door to start the grill, slide the screen door shut, then remember the lighter. Walk right into the screen door. In front of the whole family, who were greatly amused. Especially the second time it happened. |
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11 Feb 09 - 11:06 AM (#2563876) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Ebbie Showing the new paint job I had just finished at parents' house to my visiting sister I closed the door to the inner sanctum while inviting admiration from her in the outer room. Then I looked at the door and said, I want to show you that part too - but wait- there's someone in there. She said, You closed that door yourself. |
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11 Feb 09 - 11:22 AM (#2563893) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Alice I'm sure most of us who work in large companies where you get emails from other departments have seen this in the body of an email... "Let me know if you didn't get this email." |
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11 Feb 09 - 11:56 AM (#2563917) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Uncle_DaveO DMcG said, in a small part of his/her "confession": b) Got into the car of a complete stranger and fastened my seatbelt. This reminded me of a news story of some few years ago, which was very funny, and which inspired me to write this song: THE CARJACKING Great Aunt Trixie hobbled out on the mall parking lot And the sun it was a-broilin', and the asphalt burning hot And her shopping bags were heavy, couldn't find her parking spot "Gotta find that blasted car right now!" She wandered up and down the rows, burning feet and aching back When she saw that ancient Chevvy, her jaw it just went slack: There were four big men there in her car, the front seat and the back "Someone's tryin' to steal my car right now!" (Spoken) SHE SCREAMED........... "I've got this little pistol, and I know just how to use it 'Twas my fav'rite Christmas present; grand-niece showed me how to use it You should know I got a temper, and you don't want me to lose it! So you get out of that car right now!" Those four men could hear her screamin', they could hear her indignation The message, it was plain to them, didn't need no explanation And it took no 'magination or a second invitation And they piled out of that car right now! Her pistol back within her purse, she slid beneath the wheel She felt that the upholstery, it had a different feel. The ignition key would not go in--her blood, it did congeal: "Cause this isn't my old car, no-how!" (Spoken) "OOH! AND I TOLD THEM....... "I've got this little pistol, and I know just how to use it Twas my fav'rite Christmas present; grand-niece showed me how to use it You should know I got a temper, and you don't want me to lose it! So you get out of that car right now!" She felt sick, she felt humilified, face red WITH morTIFication She was one embarrassed citizen, but she had no hesitation. She found her own car down the row, drove to the PO-lice station To report this blasted mess right now! When she told the sergeant there the tale, to her raw humiliation He whooped and he hollered, laughter echoed through the station Four guys were even then engaged in their report dictation Of a carjack done at gunpoint (there was quite a great sensation) "She made 'em get out of that car right now!" (Spoken wearily) "No charges, lady. Go home." (Spoken) SHE'D TOLD THESE GUYS...... "I've got this little pistol, and I know just how to use it 'Twas my fav'rite Christmas present; grand-niece showed me how to use it You should know I got a temper, and you don't want me to lose it! So you get out of that car right now!" (Spoken) "Grand-niece, do you think I ought to buy some bullets for that gun?" Dave Oesterreich |
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11 Feb 09 - 11:56 AM (#2563918) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Bill D "... switch on an electric drill without removing the gadget to tighten the chuck." Oh my..having a shop and many tools, I have done such things several times....usually only once for each. Ouch. (Yes, I once turned on a drill with the key attached...while the key was tied to a long cord! Took several minutes to unwrap what took about 2 seconds to wrap.) These are not the same sort of careless errors as the 'dumb questions' the thread began as, but they do remind us to THINK before we act. There's a fine line between just temporary lapses leading to awkward moments...we ALL have a few of those..., and those who seem like they 'could' cope, but don't. The (possibly apocryphal) story of the woman who called computer tech support to discuss the "cup holder" on her computer comes to mind. |
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11 Feb 09 - 12:00 PM (#2563927) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Nigel Parsons DMcG: My nearest example to that was a computer clitch, not a human one (or not the sales staff anyway). I wanted to buy an item, found it on the shelf and took it to the desk. "Sorry, the computer says it's out of stock, I can't sell it." "But it's here." "I know, but it's out of stock." Once we got the terminology sorted out, it turned out the computer system simply would not let them sell an unstocked item, no matter how much you pleaded with it. I knew it existed, they knew, but the computer knew best. A bit like Rapaire's books in reverse, really. "If you're sure that this item is out of stock, then this must be one I brought in with me. You don't mind if I take it back do you?" |
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11 Feb 09 - 12:11 PM (#2563947) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: DMcG Our solution was more bizarre. We discovered that even though the item was out of stock, it would let us order one and pay for it before it arrived. Armed with the till receipt, I had what I wanted wanted, proof I had paid for it and the shop was no worse off, still having one item awry in their inventory. We did consider 'buying' a completely different item that happened to be the same price, but we weren't sure of the exact legal status of that and it would have put the inventory into an even worse state ... |
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11 Feb 09 - 12:17 PM (#2563956) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Bat Goddess Ebbie -- most people don't understand tides, alas. On either coast. My favorite overheard comment as I walked across the bridge in Kennebunkport back in the '70s (and the river is still very tidal at that point) was a woman saying to her husband, "Isn't it nice how they park the boats all pointing in the same direction." Ayuh, just neatifying the quaintness for the tourists... I managed a year-round shop (and then I was sold along with it to the local hardware store) with the Tourist Information office right behind us. I kept an ear cocked in that direction. One of these days I plan to publishing a pamphlet of tourist quotations entitled "You Can't Get to Heaven If You're Hit By a Tourist." Maine Round House sold Jotul and other woodstoves and rya rugs. Tourists would look at the floor display of cast iron stoves and say, "How nice; you don't need a chimney," or "How clever; are they gas or electric?" For really good work-related stupid quotes, check out Clientcopia "Clientcopia : Stupid Client Quotes... "There's no getting around it. At some point in your career, your patience will be tested with a stupid client who is so clueless that you'll question your sanity, career choice, and the future of mankind. "You may have dealt with one already, one that just stuns you like a deer in headlights. Dumbfounded to utter anything but an "uhhh...". Some clients have no concept of reality. They make up their mind, just to change it again to an even more hideous decision. And will end up blaming you for the mess. Can we honestly blame the client? Sure we can... "Clientcopia was created to give you an escape. Take joy in knowing you are not alone. " Enjoy! Linn |
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11 Feb 09 - 12:17 PM (#2563958) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: 3refs I take 2 bottles of water and buy 2 Gatorade at the concession booth at whatever rink/city I'm in. The conversation 9 times out of 10 goes like this: "Can I help you?" "Yes, could I have 2 Orange Gatorade please!" "Sure! What colour would you like?" |
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11 Feb 09 - 12:33 PM (#2563980) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: VirginiaTam "Let me know if you didn't get this email." I don't do this but I do say something like... Please respond to this email or I will panic and think that the entire Essex County Council mail server has shut down and be forced to call you, probably when you are in an important meeting or worse in the bath. Gets a response everytime. |
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11 Feb 09 - 01:05 PM (#2564013) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Little Hawk How about just contributing to the general confusion by sending random requests around all over the place for "that important email you said you were going to send me"? Or complaints about "the faulty product you sent us" (which never happened in the first place)... |
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11 Feb 09 - 01:07 PM (#2564017) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Ebbie Bat Goddess, one summer day I noticed two middle-aged men on the street corner consulting a city map. They were wearing jackets with the Green Bay Packers logo on them, so in their defense I must assume that oceans were not their normal habitat. However, they did arrive in big ship on said ocean. I stopped to see if I could direct them where they wished to go. (Turned out they were looking for the Red Dog Saloon, a local watering hole.) After a moment, one of them asked me hesitantly, obviously not wishing to hurt my feelings. "Um," he said, "You get a lot of rain here, don't you?" "Yes," I admitted cautiously. And he said, "Then why is the water so low? |
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11 Feb 09 - 03:08 PM (#2564187) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: ClaireBear I think this would fit right in on Clientcopia (and thanks for that link, Linn -- it will keep me amused all day!): Once when we did a cover layout for one client's brochure, we used a shot from our client's approved photography that showed a crowd of business-clad people with briefcases, seen from the back as they walked across an architecturally interesting footbridge and into a large building. When it came back from client review, I heard the editor who was checking it laughing uproariously, so I went to her cube to investigate. Why she was laughing: The proof had come from the client with this comment: "Please flop photo so people are walking towards camera." Claire |
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11 Feb 09 - 03:43 PM (#2564232) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Bat Goddess Hey, Claire! My favorite graphic arts-related stultifying inanity happened back in the early '80s, when I was working for a type shop. We had to typeset and paste-up (this was back in the days of proprietary computerized typesetting equipment, not "desktop" publishing) a number of size variations of an ad customized for all the publications the ads ran in. After the ads were approved, they each had to be photostated (remember stat cameras?) to multiple other sizes for the rest of the publications. And each individual ad had a code number on it as well. This was all done on a very tight schedule and enough time was needed in between changes and approvals to make the photostats and then FedEx the camera-ready ads to the publications. They HAD to go out by a certain time to be in the hands of the publications at their deadlines. Once the client was taking its time with the approvals and suggested we make the stats FIRST, then do the corrections...missing the "obvious" point completely that the corrected type would then have to be statted to the correct percentage size and pasted in and possibly re-statted so the ad would be one piece (which was the point of "camera-ready"). Sigh. Linn |
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11 Feb 09 - 10:18 PM (#2564558) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: GUEST,Slag The first time I launched an F-4 as a crew chief I did the walk through with the pilot, strapped him in, removed the ladder. We went through the check of all the flight surfaces and then I took my position in front of the aircraft to signal him to taxi to the end-of-runway for munitions and final check. The plane rolled about five feet and lurched to a stop! The pilot was pointing to the back of his ejection seat. I grabbed the ladder and up went the canopy. I had missed the bright red flag on the pin that keeps the ejection seat from accidentally being fired during ground time. This wasn't just a goof-up but a major incident as it would have meant the pilot's life if he had to eject. I counted it up to nerves as it was my first time. You can bet I never made that mistake again. Re leaving the chuck key in the driver (the drill is the actual cutting tool). Anyone who uses an electric drill more than casually, eventually does that...more than once! |
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12 Feb 09 - 05:35 AM (#2564717) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Nigel Parsons Re leaving the chuck key in the driver (the drill is the actual cutting tool). Anyone who uses an electric drill more than casually, eventually does that...more than once! Not me, I don't lose chuck keys either. Top tip: Attach chuck key firmly to cable with cable tie (far enough down the cable so that it can still be used). Doesn't work for rechargeables! |
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12 Feb 09 - 06:08 AM (#2564733) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: GUEST,goatfell i think one was george w bush |
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12 Feb 09 - 06:25 AM (#2564747) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Jess A My favourite - and a seasonal one at that - My morris team practice every week on a Tuesday night. Every year on Pancake Day we finish practice early and go to somebody's house and eat pancakes. One year a member of the team who-shall-remain-nameless innocently commented 'Isn't it weird how pancake day always coincides with practice night?' Needless to say much hilarity ensued and she's never been allowed to forget it. (not sure if this needs translating for places outside the British Isles - Pancake Day happens on the same day every year - Shrove Tuesday...) |
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12 Feb 09 - 01:23 PM (#2565096) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: Jim Dixon I have used that phrase "Let me know if you don't get this e-mail" but I meant it as a JOKE. I hope everyone knew that. |
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12 Feb 09 - 01:53 PM (#2565134) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: GUEST,jts My friends and I were on a Lager run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.... * the boys on the beer run were the stupid ones. they should have got 10 cases. |
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12 Feb 09 - 02:10 PM (#2565153) Subject: RE: BS: they walk among us From: olddude When I turned 40, I was in the grocery store and a friend of mine said hey its your birthday today how old are you, I said today I am 40. The little girl at the check out said after I was about to leave. hey I forgot to give you your senior citizens discount ... well another person maybe offended ... me i said "why yes you did" and took the 10% refund as payment for the insult |