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13 Feb 09 - 02:10 PM (#2566124) Subject: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: Art Thieme I'd like to compile a list of ways in which these wacky and illogical times we're in are more like the world Alice found after following the White Rabbit into Wonderland than any other era I can recall in all my 67 years. To start: In honor of Friday the 13th, today's date, I realized that Nadoff and the American banking system has actually figured a way to perform a "Reverse Alchemy of sorts. Gold is placed into the banks, and it turns to lead. Art Thieme |
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13 Feb 09 - 02:41 PM (#2566146) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: VirginiaTam Multimillionaire bank boss magicians apologise for making our money disappear, while not admitting they are responsible. |
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13 Feb 09 - 02:42 PM (#2566147) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: Bill D I know that living on Social Security and some craft work, and fuel prices high and needing car repairs, I feel more & more like the Red Queen... "Sometimes I have to run ever so fast just to stay in the same place" |
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13 Feb 09 - 02:46 PM (#2566149) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: Bill D And of course, with former members of the Bush administration claiming they had the right to define 'torture' any way they wanted, it brings up Humpty Dumpty proclaiming to Alice... "And only one for birthday presents, you know. There's glory for you!' `I don't know what you mean by "glory",' Alice said. Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. `Of course you don't -- till I tell you. I meant "there's a nice knock-down argument for you!"' `But "glory" doesn't mean "a nice knock-down argument",' Alice objected. `When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, `it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less.' `The question is,' said Alice, `whether you can make words mean so many different things.' `The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, `which is to be master -- that's all.'" |
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13 Feb 09 - 02:49 PM (#2566152) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: VirginiaTam snork.... That is spot on BillD. |
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13 Feb 09 - 02:56 PM (#2566160) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: Alice How the ones who have created the messes can get away with it scot free.."curiouser and curiouser" said Alice. |
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13 Feb 09 - 03:02 PM (#2566165) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: heric W often grins like a lobotomized Chesire cat. |
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13 Feb 09 - 03:14 PM (#2566179) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: VirginiaTam and the white rabbit landlord said inflate, deflate, what's happened to the rate no time to sell my real estate I'm late |
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13 Feb 09 - 03:42 PM (#2566201) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: SINSULL Funny I always thought of baby bush and Bush Sr as Tweedledee and Tweedledum. |
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13 Feb 09 - 04:04 PM (#2566224) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: Neil D Tweedledum and Tweedledummer |
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13 Feb 09 - 04:54 PM (#2566273) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Posted without comment. Cancel your credit card before you die Now some people are really stupid!!!! Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today. A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now, it's somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the actual conversation that transpired : Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.' Citibank : 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.' Family Member : 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.' Citibank : 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.' Family Member : So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?' Citibank : 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!' Family Member : 'Do you think God will be mad at her?' Citibank: 'Excuse me?' Family Member : 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?' Citibank : 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.' Supervisor gets on the phone: Family Member : 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.' Citibank : 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.' Family Member : 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?' Citibank : (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?' Family Member : 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given) Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?' Family Member : 'Sure.' (Fax number was given) After they get the fax : Citibank : 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.' Family Member : 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.' Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.' (What is wrong with these people?!?) Family Member : 'Would you like her new billing address?' Citibank : 'That might help...' Family Member : ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.' Citibank : 'Sir, that's a cemetery !' Family Member : 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet??? Don T. |
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13 Feb 09 - 05:17 PM (#2566292) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: Bill D Many years ago, I had a good friend in college was a very talented artist. She was invited, while a sophomore, by a teacher to take one of his graduate seminars in painting. When she showed up at the registrar's office with the schedule approved by her advisor, the registrar... this very lady... refused to allow it. "You...you can't DO that! You have to be at least a junior or senior to be in that class" (something like that) "But I have permission, and the teacher has final say over these things...I think that regulation is only guidance." "But...but ...it's against the rules!! No,,it..." and so on. The woman was practically apoplectic and had to be led to an office by other staff to settle down. Eventually, the teacher had to come over and personally insist that my friend be allowed in his class...and she was. The registrar was very good...and VERY rigid about 'rules'. I'd hate to imagine her at CitiBank, dealing with death and overdue charges. |
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13 Feb 09 - 05:51 PM (#2566324) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: Rapparee I have told my credit card companies not to accept any charges I make after I'm dead, because I'm not going to pry up them golden streets to pay the bill. |
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13 Feb 09 - 06:11 PM (#2566334) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: VirginiaTam We didn't have any probs with my daughter's citibank card account when she passed away. She did not have an estate at 23. Only soaring medical bills and ridiculous university loan. All of it was sorted by sending the death certificate. |
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13 Feb 09 - 06:47 PM (#2566360) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: freda underhill The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep well...... At the third stroke, the Unix time will be 1234567890. At precisely 23:31:30 on Friday 13th 2009, the ten-digit clock used by Unix computers will display all ten decimal digits in sequence. Alice, being human, was under the impression that today was merely Friday February 13 in the year of our Lord, 2009. Computers count time differently. They simply count the seconds from "Co-ordinated Standard Time", or to human beings, the seconds elapsed from midnight, January 1, 1970 - the digital equivalent of the birth of Christ. Unix time is how many seconds there have been since then (not including leap seconds, in case you were wondering). But why is 1234567890 a more significant moment in time than any other sequence of numbers? "All calendars are just arbitrary,celebrating the millennium - why do that? It was just like any other day, the Earth rotates on its axis and it moves around the Sun. A Alice said it was the beauty of the number sequence that was worthy of celebration. The same computer scientists who are alone in celebrating the 1234567890 moment are the ones we will now rely on to update modern computer systems to a new counting system that will use a 64-bit integer. This will allow computers to count back 20 times the age of the universe, and around 293 billion years into the future. At which point, if man and machine are still around, they will have to deal with same problem all over again... ... Down, down, down. Would the fall NEVER come to an end! `I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. .... Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head though the doorway; `and even if my head would go through,' thought poor Alice, `it would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only know how to begin.' For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible..... |
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13 Feb 09 - 07:05 PM (#2566373) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: Joybell Alice in Wonderland produced a name for one of the effects of migraine. "The Alice in Wonderland Effect" During the aura stage there can (rarely) be the sensation that your body is distorting -- up and out. Arms elongating, head going upwards on a wobbly long neck. Ohhh! It's wonderful it is. The one good bit about a migraine. Cheers, Joy |
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13 Feb 09 - 07:07 PM (#2566376) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: Amos Actually, they are turning paper numbers into what amounts to social fecal matter, not even what alchemists are supposed to be up to. ANy dog can do it. A |
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13 Feb 09 - 07:09 PM (#2566377) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: Barry Finn Loved the story Don Ques: What's the difference between a prositute & a lawyer? Ans: A prositute will stop fucking when you die,,,, Same goes for credit collection agencies, except after you're dead your rate gets ajusted up from 3% to 24.9% Just go ask Alice, I think she knows Barry |
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13 Feb 09 - 07:55 PM (#2566416) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: Art Thieme Folks, thanks for your input. I can see it's nearly impossible to parody the unpardonable, just as it is to unscrew the inscrutable for the most part. But apparently you can, actually, screw all the people all of the time --- and then run with the money and anything else that is deemed valuable. No wonder the newspapers are going under. They depict a reality now that is impossible to grab hold of --- so why read about it? |
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13 Feb 09 - 08:10 PM (#2566422) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: Alice I once read that Lewis Carroll had migraines. When I read that, it was an AHA! moment, as some of the migraine effects are like the images in Alice in Wonderland. |
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13 Feb 09 - 09:10 PM (#2566461) Subject: RE: BS: modern Alice-in-Wonderland-isms From: Q (Frank Staplin) What is more Alice-in-Wonderland than the stimulus bill? |