BS: Condom Conundrum

07 Jun 09 - 07:57 PM (#2650921)
Subject: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Rabbi-Sol

I remember when not to many years ago it was "one size fits all" when it came to purchasing condoms.

I was in my local Rite Aid the other day and they were advertising "Magnum" size for the extra large person.

This is a clever marketing ploy because which male is going admit that his organ is not big. Everyone is going to buy the large size even though they may end up swimming in it.

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07 Jun 09 - 09:01 PM (#2650953)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: JohnInKansas

RS

There was a news clip a few months back about a marketing effort to get males in some country (I believe it may have been India?) to use condoms more regularly by marking all the 'itty bitty' ones "extra large" or something like that.

In a separate report from a different country, a marketing change was being planned based on the complaint from users that "the standard size" slips off too easily.

I guess the moral here is that one size does not fit all.

(The joke was that if you unroll them far enough, the ones marked "huge" etc. have the real size up at the end. How far have you needed to roll one up?)

John

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07 Jun 09 - 09:12 PM (#2650956)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Richard Bridge

I understand that at a typical Roman orgy, it was regarded as very rude indeed to have a large prick, because they were so uncomfortable for so many people in so many places. It is (I believe) only where and when sex is regarded as largely about male domination of the female that the large prick is regarded, by the male, as superior.

Having said that there is one (and as far as I know one only) of my daughter's female friends who is obsessed by size - and most of her female friends take the mickey out of her about it to the extent that even, I a male of an older age group, have observed such mickey-taking.

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07 Jun 09 - 09:15 PM (#2650958)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: gnu

Is there tacks on that?

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07 Jun 09 - 09:52 PM (#2650983)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Rapparee

Friend of mine went into a drugstore and asked for a condom. "What size?" asked the druggist. "I dunno. How do I find out?" my friend replied.

"Well, out back is an old wooden fence. There are knotholes with numbers above them. Just slip it into the knotholes and tell me the number of the one that fits." And my friend went out back.

Upstairs, the druggist's daughter was feeling extremely frisky. She saw my friend go out, knew what was going on, and quickly dashed downstairs to stand behind each hole.

Sometime later my friend went back inside. "Well," asked the druggist, "what size condom do you want?"

"Condom, hell!" my friend said dreamily. "Gimme a hundred yards of that fence."

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07 Jun 09 - 10:10 PM (#2650995)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Don Firth

Rapaire, when you said you were a "fencer," I guess I thought you were talking about something else. . . .

Don Firth

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07 Jun 09 - 10:37 PM (#2651005)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Bill D

Old joke:

Condom factory in Texas...when Alaska was made a state, they received an order for 10 gross of 10 inch condoms.
Shipping manager asks plant manager what to do.

"Fill it", says the manager. "Mark it 'Medium'".

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07 Jun 09 - 10:53 PM (#2651012)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Don Firth

The boy stood on the burning deck;
He wished he'd never been born.
His father said he wouldn't have been
If the condom hadn't torn!
                         —(not) BurmaShave

Don Firth

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07 Jun 09 - 10:54 PM (#2651013)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Rabbi-Sol

At the Rite Aid drug store in my neighborhood, the condoms (and all other sex related paraphenalia) are kept behind the counter with the cigarettes, rather than on the open shelves. Therefore, if you want to make a purchase you have to ask the clerk for it. Gary, the store manager, always asks the customers if they prefer the standard size or the large "magnum" size. Almost all of them are shamed into shelling out the extra cash for the larger size. Even the women purchasers do not want to admit that their male partners are not well endowed.

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07 Jun 09 - 10:56 PM (#2651014)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Little Hawk

LOL! That's pathetic. But funny too.

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07 Jun 09 - 11:28 PM (#2651025)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Art Thieme

A homeless friend wanted to live in a condom. At least it's waterproof, right? Alas his was a condom-inium. Much too small.)

Art

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07 Jun 09 - 11:39 PM (#2651030)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Don Firth

Along the same general line:

Two guys standing in front of a new apartment building.
"I'm thinking of buying a condo," says one.
The other sez, "I haven't had to use them since I had my vasectomy."

(Rim Shot!!)

Don Firth

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07 Jun 09 - 11:56 PM (#2651037)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Bill D

there was tour being given in a rubber products factory.

The guide pointed at a machine that was going "thump-whoosh, thump-whoosh, thump-whoosh"
"This machine makes rubber baby-bottle nipples", said the guide.
"What is that strange sound?", asked a tourist.
"Well, the 'thump' is the locking of the mandril around which the nipple is formed, and the 'whoosh' is a set of needles on a spindle firing up to poke the holes in the tip of the nipple."

so, they go on and come to a machine going "thump, thump, thump, thump...whoosh"

"This machine makes condoms." said the guide.

"The sound is different", says the tourist

"Yes, the 'thump' is the locking of the mandril where the machine recieves warm latex which is then cooled quickly to form the condom."

"But...there's a 'whoosh' here too sometimes..." wonders the tourist.

"Well, every fifth one, a set of needles pops up and pokes holes in the tip."...admits the guide.

"Oh! I'd think that would be bad for the condom business!"

"Yes...but it sure is good for the nipple business!"

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08 Jun 09 - 04:23 AM (#2651107)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Acorn4

World Trade Fair Joke

A bloke was visiting the World Trade Fair when he spied a machine rather like a drinks disperser. He saw a man go up to it. He stood right against the machine, having unzipped his flies, pressed the knob, wriggled about a bit and then gave a sigh:-

"Aaaaa, that's better!"

A couple of minutes later another fellow came and did the same thing,

"Aaaaa, That's better!"

The bloke decided to give the machine a try. He unzipped his flies and got out his prick, held himself close to the machine.

He then let out a bloodcurdling scream!

...and came out with a button sewn to his prick.

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08 Jun 09 - 05:09 AM (#2651133)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: treewind

I heard a variant of the button joke at school in about 1964.

This weekend I saw a pub condom vending machine with instructions printed on it that amused me and everyone else I told about it later - "Twist knob to right and then to left".

I've never tried using it that way before - must have had a sheltered upbringing...

Anahata

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08 Jun 09 - 08:54 AM (#2651241)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Rapparee

When I was last in Ireland (March, 2009) there were condom dispensers in 'most every "Fir".

When my brother worked for the state Vocational Rehab department he would, once in a great while, get a deadbeat. Most of the people were honest about needed vocational rehab (I mean, you lose an arm...) but there were some who wouldn't take ANY job he found for them. So he had two, both perfectly legit, that they could be forced to take. One was exactly what it said it was: Skull Grinder (in a slaughter house). The other, Condom Tester, wasn't what it sounded like: you put randomly selected condoms over an air squirter all day -- boring as all get out and VERY hard to keep filled.

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08 Jun 09 - 09:08 AM (#2651256)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Charley Noble

Back in the Pleistocene when I was in Peace Corps training my father thoughtfully sent me a letter urging me to use condoms if I was going to be sexually active with any of my new friends. He wasn't particularly concerned about health issues, but more concerned that some unethical young lady might force me into marriage by "becoming pregnant." Needless to say I posted his letter on the bulletin board as a public service, but alas got no offers!

I still have a copy of father's letter.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

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08 Jun 09 - 09:11 AM (#2651262)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Rapparee

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08 Jun 09 - 09:23 AM (#2651273)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Dave Hanson

During WW2 Special Operations Executive had a consignment of condoms made, a lot larger than any normal ones, they were marked ' small ' for use of HM Forces, then they were accidently dropped over German lines.

Dave H

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08 Jun 09 - 09:25 AM (#2651276)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Art Thieme

Don,
I went to Sears for a cheap vasectomy. (Dare I say a cut rate vasectomy. ;-)

Now, when I become aroused, my garage door goes up!

Art

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08 Jun 09 - 11:38 AM (#2651357)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Charley Noble

Art-

That's awful! You might injure your chin.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

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08 Jun 09 - 01:19 PM (#2651442)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Peter T.

Returning to facts. The other problem is that the widths are often not matches for the lengths.   You would think that if they could manage this with different trouser lengths for waist sizes, they could manage it with condoms.

yours,

Peter T.

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08 Jun 09 - 02:01 PM (#2651473)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Lizzie Cornish 1

Only on mudcat........ :0) LOL

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08 Jun 09 - 02:22 PM (#2651491)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Lonesome EJ

What baffles me is the flavored condoms. I've seen machines dispensing banana, raspberry, and licorice flavors in appropriate hues.
"Condom...it's what's for dessert!"

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08 Jun 09 - 02:34 PM (#2651502)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Rapparee

US troops used to put them over the muzzles of rifles to keep out the rain. And my brother was issued unlubricated ones as part of his Air Farce survival gear -- for carrying water.

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08 Jun 09 - 05:32 PM (#2651640)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Bonzo3legs

When I was at grammar school in the late 1950s and early 1960s, what are ludicrously now known as condoms were called Johnnies by all - or contraceptives. If you visited the barber shop, they would always say "something for the weekend sir?" So they will always be Johnnies to men of my generation.

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08 Jun 09 - 06:36 PM (#2651703)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Rapparee

We always called them "rubbers", although "safety" was not unknown.

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08 Jun 09 - 06:48 PM (#2651712)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Richard Bridge

Where did the expression "rubber johnny" come from?

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08 Jun 09 - 10:18 PM (#2651879)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Rowan

We always called them "rubbers", although "safety" was not unknown.

"Frangers" was the nomenclature 'round our way; and Oz troops also were known to put them over the rifle muzzles.

These days (around here) they're on open shelves in every supermarket.

Cheers, Rowan

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09 Jun 09 - 12:25 AM (#2651947)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Don Firth

Yeah, "rubbers" and "safeties" was the jargon when I was in high school.

Anyone ever have your lady friend playfully stretch the end of your condom out a bit, then let it snap back?

That can certainly blow your candle's flame out!!

Don Firth

P. S. Well, happily, neither have I. But the subject came up once in a strange conversation.

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09 Jun 09 - 05:12 AM (#2652036)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Nigel Parsons

As categorised by Shakespeare:

6 inches: Much Ado About Nothing
9 inches: As You Like It
12 inches:A Midsummer Night's Dream

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09 Jun 09 - 06:58 AM (#2652077)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Lizzie Cornish 1

"As categorised by Shakespeare:

6 inches: Much Ado About Nothing
9 inches: As You Like It
12 inches:A Midsummer Night's Dream"



Ah yes, but 'Shakespeare' was talking about Souls, there...so of course, he was absolutely right.

Most women long for a man with a 12" Soul, for it puts everything else into the shade.

It is, indeed, the only 'size' that matters.


:0) x

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09 Jun 09 - 07:08 AM (#2652083)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Peter T.

It's still not clear to me why in the 21st century someone couldn't have invented something better. I mean the essential problem is simply catching a fluid coming rapidly out of a tube. The need for the rest of the wrapping is simply to hold the catchment over the top of the tube, but the wrapping interferes with the pleasure. Engineering would suggest that a plug would be more effective: the problem is securing it.

Over to you, engineering profession.

yours,

Peter T.

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09 Jun 09 - 07:39 AM (#2652099)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler

I have a recollection that when the UK joined the EEU there was a problem with the standardisation of condom sizes. There were lots of complaints in the UK that French produced ones were too small.

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09 Jun 09 - 07:49 AM (#2652105)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: jeddy

peter, ooohhh that sounds like it would be very painful!!!
wouldn't the plug just be shot out due to the pressure?

as i am not into blokes this isn't a problem i have to worry about.

don, you must know some very weird people to have those sort of conversations, that sounds excrutiating!

i wonder if the flavoured ones are for people on a diet.they can't actually eat anything so they have a suck on a condom?

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09 Jun 09 - 07:53 AM (#2652109)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Lizzie Cornish 1

"...i wonder if the flavoured ones are for people on a diet.they can't actually eat anything so they have a suck on a condom?"

Heehee, that made me laugh so much, jeddy! :0)

I'll suggest it tomorrow, at Slimming World, you never know WHAT might happen with that idea...LOL

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09 Jun 09 - 08:12 AM (#2652121)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Nigel Parsons

I'll suggest it tomorrow, at Slimming World, you never know WHAT might happen with that idea...LOL
Well, condoms can help you avoid getting plump!

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09 Jun 09 - 12:23 PM (#2652309)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Rapparee

I've always thought "Loves' Labours Lost" would be a good name for a condom. "Measure For Measure" would also work, and a fur-lined one for "A Winter's Tail."

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09 Jun 09 - 12:38 PM (#2652336)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Charley Noble

I believe in the 19th century condoms were referred to by the British as "French letters."

The French in turn referred to condoms as "capote Anglaise" = English overcoat, which adds further confusion.

I wonder what they call them in Ethiopia?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

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09 Jun 09 - 03:02 PM (#2652439)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Don Firth

Uh. . . .

The way I heard it:

3" = Much Ado about Nothing
6" = As You Like It
9" = The Taming of the Shrew
Wet = Midsummer Night's Dream
Dry = Twelfth Night
Miscarriage = Love's Labour's Lost

Don Firth

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09 Jun 09 - 03:54 PM (#2652479)
Subject: RE: BS: Condom Conundrum
From: Fergie

In Ireland condoms are availible in three sizes;

Small, medium and liar.

Fergus

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