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18 Dec 09 - 03:28 AM (#2790989) Subject: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: SPB-Cooperator It's that time of the year when we go to office parties in the run up to the big day, and the first crackers get pulled. Please feel free to add any jokes you have read from a cracker this year - the good, the bad, the ....... awful. To get the ball rolling, from my co-op's xmas do. What happened when the frog stopped in a controlled parking zone? It got toad away. |
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18 Dec 09 - 05:39 AM (#2791046) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: Mr Red like thge NZ trailer tent company - Towed Hall. So when the rope end was asked if it could prevent dis-entanglement it replied. "I'm a frayed knot". And the biggest tree in the whole wide world is.............. Tree-mendous. |
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18 Dec 09 - 07:17 AM (#2791090) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: GUEST,Mike of Hessle Q. What's the difference between Snowmen and Snowwomen ? A. Snowballs. |
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18 Dec 09 - 08:57 AM (#2791141) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: MGM·Lion This last post from Mike of Hessle rouses my taxonomic hackles suspiciously. It is a very old joke: & I don't believe any Xmas cracker manufacturer would enclose it in a cracker intended to be pulled, as likely as not, by a small child. If I am right, it belongs on the 'joke thread' rather than here — except, as I say, that anyone reading that will have known it for the last umpteen years anyhow. |
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18 Dec 09 - 09:43 AM (#2791179) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: Mrrzy Americans don't have these. I've read about them since I read all the English books, but have never experienced them. Do they go off like a firecracker, and is it like a wishbone as to who gets the little joke, which I imagine to look like a fortune from a fortune cookie? |
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18 Dec 09 - 10:03 AM (#2791188) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: manitas_at_work That's a pretty accurate description. There's usually a cheap paper hat and an inexpensive small gift. |
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18 Dec 09 - 10:57 AM (#2791232) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: SINSULL Swantex has updated its jokes after realizing they had become predictable and boring. Only took them 50 years to figure that out. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/8418328.stm |
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18 Dec 09 - 10:58 AM (#2791233) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: SINSULL Look at the updates. LOL OUT WITH THE OLD What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea What lies quivering at the bottom of an ocean? A nervous wreck Which bird is always out of breath? A puffin Where does Tarzan buy his trousers? A jungle sale What did baby corn say to mummy corn? Where's popcorn? What country has a good appetite? Hungary IN WITH THE NEW What does a snowman eat for breakfast? Snowflakes What is a sheep with no arms or legs? A cloud What do you call Santa's little helpers? Subordinate clauses What is Rudolph's favourite day of the year? Red Nose Day How did the Vikings send secret messages? By norse code What did the shy pebble say? I wish I was a little boulder |
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18 Dec 09 - 10:59 AM (#2791236) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: SINSULL Not sure why but I love Christmas Crackers. |
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18 Dec 09 - 11:47 AM (#2791269) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: Bee-dubya-ell CLICK if you're like me and have no idea what this thread is about. |
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18 Dec 09 - 12:52 PM (#2791342) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: Moses My mother made Christmas Crackers as 'home' work some time in the early 1950s. We lived in North London at the time. There would be a cardboard tube that was formed somehow by rolling the cardboard over a metal 'former'. Crepe paper was rolled over the tube, the paper hat, motto, 'charm' and 'banger' were inserted and then, in a way that I never quite grasped being very young at the time, the cracker was crimped using string and another metal 'former' together with more cardboard. Finally, a decoration was added to the middle part of the cracker - usually a picture of a festive scene printed on thin card, perhaps with some glittery or metallic finish. The crackers were packed in boxes of a dozen. I think they were collected periodically by an agent from the manufacturer as I don't remember stacks of boxes around the house and I doubt Mum had the means to deliver them anywhere. My brother and I occasionally played with discarded tarnished 'charms' (which had been bright and silvery when new) - they were in the shape of a swan and were made of LEAD. He, being 3 years younger than me, used to suck them if I remember rightly. None of your health-and-safety lark then. There might have been a warning on the box about small parts being hazardous to young children but nothing about the lightlyhood of them being poisoned! Later, the lead charms gave way to small back or white plastic stallions. Even as young as I was, I understood that this was the 'economy' end of the market. All this would have been at the time that Britain still had some rationing and tinsel was made of something that tarnished in time. Christine |
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18 Dec 09 - 01:16 PM (#2791376) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: frogprince A Christmas Cracker Joke? In the U.S., that might start out something like: "On Christmas Eve, Zeke and Clem were chopping wood for the stove of their little store in Georgia, when..." |
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18 Dec 09 - 01:18 PM (#2791378) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: SINSULL Groannnnnnn |
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18 Dec 09 - 03:10 PM (#2791485) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: SPB-Cooperator Todays crackers.... from my TA xmas lunch Why did the cow wear a bell? Because her horns did not work. Why do cows lie down inthe rain? To keep each udder dry. Where do snowmen go to dance? To a Snowball. What do you call a train loaded with toffee? A chew-chew train. What do you call a horse in his pyjamas? A Zebra. What do hedgehogs have for lunch? rickled Onions. |
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18 Dec 09 - 03:51 PM (#2791513) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: gnu Some of these really cracker me up. |
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18 Dec 09 - 06:06 PM (#2791636) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: Bill D Mrrzy... you can get them in the US if you try...or live in a big Metro area like DC. I have had them for years at friends gatherings (just a few days ago was last time.) They often have silly paper hats or little 'prizes' in them also.... |
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18 Dec 09 - 06:27 PM (#2791650) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: GUEST,Tig Q What do you use a wombat for? A Playing Wom! |
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20 Dec 09 - 07:03 AM (#2792647) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: SPB-Cooperator I'll have the next batch of cracker jokes after I get back on 8/1 |
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25 Dec 09 - 10:18 AM (#2796236) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: SPB-Cooperator any candidates yet for the best/worst joke of the year from a cracker? |
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25 Dec 09 - 11:30 AM (#2796255) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: Alice I used to buy them in a tea shop here called Wellington's, owned by and English lady who imported teas, tea pots, and other nice things. I may still have a few left packed away with Christmas decorations. I'm not home enough to decorate any more. |
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25 Dec 09 - 04:23 PM (#2796369) Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009 From: Amergin Ill-conceived love is like a Christmas cracker: one massively disappointing bang, and the novelty soon wears off.-Ebenezer Blackadder |