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Lyr Add: Vasectomy (Limeliters)

28 Jul 99 - 10:36 PM (#100337)
Subject: ADD: Vasectomy (Limeliters)
From: katlaughing

While searching for the Lollipop Tree, I came across a site which had a few lyrics of the Limeliters' posted. Couldn't pass this one up, thinking on that condom thread of ill-repute....now if more guys would follow this song it'd be "condom...be gone!" ***Big Grin**

BTW- they just had their 40th anniversary on July 19th and have a enw cd coming out called, "Til we get it right".

Did a DT and forum search and didn't come up with anything, so I guess this is not a duplicate, unless I missed something. Anyhow.....enjoy!!

VASECTOMY by the Limeliters

Well, I went to see my Doctor,
I said, "Doc, I can't pay my bills!
The rent's all spent,
The truck's got a dent,
And I think I'm gettin' the chills
From being forced to sleep alone,
You see this house just ain't no home,
I can't afford no kids,
My life is on the skids,
'Cause my woman says
"Leave me alone,
Unless you get a vasectomy!
You ought to get a vasectomy!
Just one little male alteration
Can keep us from another altercation!
Get a vasectomy!
You ought to get a vasectomy!
Oh what a vas deferens there could be!"

Well, the next thing I know,
I'm laying on a table
With a light shinin' in my eyes!
They strapped my wrists,
They strapped my ankles,
And they double-strapped my thighs!

The nurses were a gigglin'
And I was a wigglin',
Most uncomfortably,
When the Doc walked in,
With a perverted grin,
And here's what he said to me:

"It only hurts
For a little while,
That's what they tell me,
That's what they say!"

Oooeeeiy! Ooooh! Aiiiy Oh!

Well, it's two weeks later,
And I feel a little better,
My mind is more at ease.
The rent's still spent,
The truck's got a dent,
But my woman's no longer a tease!

And even down at the office,
There is a lot more interest in me,
The girls all grin when I walk in!
And brother, they mean to please
A man with a vasectomy,
You ought to get a vasectomy!
Like a sun-kissed orange,
I've been squeezed,
'Cause its all juice and there's no seed!

Well, a vasedctomy!
You ought to get a vasectomy!
Oh what a vas deferens!
It's beginnin' to make a little sense!
Oh what a vas deferens there could...'

Here is the part that I like the most,
It takes the danger out of bein' close!

Oh what a vas deferens there could..

They snip those little suckers right in two
And clamp 'em of with super-glue!

Oh what a vas deferens there could be!

28 Jul 99 - 11:50 PM (#100353)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: Craig

Love it. But I'm just not ready yet.

29 Jul 99 - 12:41 AM (#100372)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: bseed(charleskratz)

Hmmm, should I tell my story? Probably not. --seed

29 Jul 99 - 03:54 AM (#100395)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: Steve Parkes

Tell the truth ands shame the devil, Seed, as my grandmother used to say. I had mine done years ago - that was in the days of "two bricks and mind your thumbs". There's nothing remarkable to tell, except that it makes all the difference in the world!

Actually, I do recall that (and I swear this is true!) just as procedings were about to begin, the surgeon (we don't say "doctor" over here) waved his syringe about and said, "Just a little prick". I think this is what passes for wit in the medical profession, although I couldn't bring myself to laugh somehow. I glad he didn't, anyway.

Looking back to when I was lying there with my feet in the stirrups and being the only one in the room who couldn't see what was going on, I can honestly say I feel more than a little sympathy for you poor girls!

Seed?

Steve

29 Jul 99 - 03:56 AM (#100396)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: Steve Parkes

Oh Katl, I should say you really have to be able to trust each other if you're going to throw all those little packets away!

29 Jul 99 - 07:19 AM (#100417)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: rich r

"Until We Get It Right" (by R Zimmerman) is a clever song about reincarnation. A Limeliters recording of it already exists on the CD titled; "The Chad Mitchell Trio and Friends: Live At the Birchmere" The Limeliters do three songs on that CD, Carolyn Hester does one and the CMT do a dozen or so. Lou Gottlieb died not too long after that recording was made. This of course does not directly answer the question as to whether there is another new CD in the works with that song on it also.

rjich r

29 Jul 99 - 07:21 AM (#100418)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: rich r

I just got up, can't even spell my abbreviated name.

rich r

29 Jul 99 - 10:12 AM (#100444)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: katlaughing

Uh, Steve: "two bricks and mind your thumbs"???? Some euphemism I'll be sorry I asked about???**bg**

Brave man....proud of ya and YES, nobody should throw out those little packets unless there is absolute trust. Ah...remember when sex didn't carry a possible death threat in every encounter? Those were the days. Ah, gawd.....I am sounding like an old timer!!

rich r: I'll go back to that site & see if that song is on their new cd. Sounds like one I'd be interested in.

katlaughing

29 Jul 99 - 11:38 AM (#100473)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: Steve Parkes

Actually, Katl, I used to get the death threats immediately after the proposition! Must have been something lacking in my technique ...

Yes, you probably will be sorry you asked! There are actually two stories which go with the "bricks":
Brick story #1
A farmer was interviewed by a magazine about farmyard chores. Soon they got to discussing the castration of his bullocks, the way one does on a farm. The journalist asked what method the farmer used, and he said, "I get my son to drive them through that gap in the hedge. I hide behind the hedge with a brick in each hand. As each bullock jumps through the gap, I bang the bricks together smartly, and ... well, you get the picture? It takes a lot of concentration, and split-second timing."
"Doesn't it hurt?", asked the journo with a wince.
"Only if I get my thumbs in the way!" replied the farmer.

Brick story #2
A man (or a woman, of course) wanted to cross the desert on a camel. "How long can these beasts go without water?" s/he asked the camel salesman.
"Oh, about seven days."
"And how long will it take me to cross the desert?"
"Two weeks."
"But how can you cross the desert without the camel dying of thirst?"
"You have to brick it."
"?"
"Right. What you do is, you wait until the camel is drinking its seven days' worth. You sneak up behind it with two bricks, and just before it stops drinking, you bring the bricks together smartly, and ... you get the picture?"
"!"
"And the camel goes FFFFFFFFF!!!! [sharp intake of breath - this is a visual one: get a man to show you what he'd do if he was a camel!] and takes on another weeks' worth."

Well, you did ask!

Steve

29 Jul 99 - 08:30 PM (#100640)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: Joe Offer

Say, Kat - what's the URL for the site where you found the Limeliters' lyrics
-Joe Offer, who always gets nervous when women start talking about mutilating male genitals...

29 Jul 99 - 09:06 PM (#100651)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: katlaughing

Ah, Joe.....lil' ol' moi didn't bring up the brick part! I'se just talkin' about a little snip here and there:->

It's not their official site, but here is the URL 9(which stands for what??) for where the lyrics are: Limeliters

Hope the "road" you're on isn't too long!

Steve: uh...thanks for that enlightenment!Poor, poor bullocks & camels!

kat

30 Jul 99 - 12:05 AM (#100713)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: Bert C.

There's another version of that "brick" story where the circus comes to town and a prize is offered to the first person who can make the elephant jump straight up in the air with all four feet off the ground at once. A boy comes along with two bricks, walks behind the elephant and....well, you get the picture?

The following year the circus returns with a different offer. This time the prize is for the person who can make the elephant nod his head "yes" and "no" on cue. Along comes the same boy with his bricks. He walks up to the elephant and says "Remember me?" Elephant memories being what they are, the elephant quite vigorously nods "yes". Then the boy says, "want me to do it again?", and well...I'm sure you get the picture.

Bert C.

30 Jul 99 - 03:26 AM (#100740)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: Steve Parkes

Bert, is that the kid who grew up to be the guy who went vback to the same circus years later (happily the elephant had retired) and won the prize for Making the Donkey Laugh and the prize for Making the Donkey Cry? (Guaranteed completely brick-free)

Steve (talk about thread creep!)

30 Jul 99 - 10:55 AM (#100831)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: reggie miles

Hey Kat, far be it from me to contest the lyrics set forth for the song by the Limelighters but I do a slightly different version. Not that any of the important parts are missing mind you, I guess it's just the folk process at work shifting things a bit here and there. Actually it makes me feel good that my version is different. Larry Heagle, the guy who wrote Vasectomy, who I met through my friend Robert Oneman Johnson, probably does it a little differently as well. We all seem to lend ourselves to the same song in slightly different ways, it's what makes us all individuals.
In the eternal reoccurance of spring some branches grow short and others grow long and stil others are, in this case snipped off in their prime.

30 Jul 99 - 11:32 AM (#100860)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: katlaughing

So, reggie, share your version with us!?? That one is just what I found at a website.

kat

25 Jul 01 - 10:22 AM (#514223)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: SharonA

The recent "Revisionist opinion about the Kingston Trio" thread put me in mind of The Limeliters, which brought me to this thread. I have an answer to rich r's question about the song "Until We Get It Right":

The Limeliters have recently released a CD with that song on it; in fact, that's the title song!! I saw them in concert last spring, and it was very enjoyable. Don't know if they have a website, but I'll check my "Until We Get It Right" CD and post whatever info I find.

SharonA

25 Jul 01 - 11:14 AM (#514251)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: Gypsy

Well, gentlemen, remember, that little op is a terrific aphrodisiac! Anytime, anyplace, anywhere!

25 Jul 01 - 11:57 AM (#514276)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: mousethief

Great song!

At the risk of arousing the wrath of the anti-versionists (you know who you are), the version I heard went:

Like a Sunkist orange I've been freed

Alex

25 Jul 01 - 01:01 PM (#514338)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: ChanteyMatt

A tune! A tune! I must have the tune to this song! It's just the sort of thing we sing in the duo Hellfire!

BTW I "made the cut" some time ago. (smile)

25 Jul 01 - 01:07 PM (#514342)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: mousethief

The most annoying part was when the hair started growing back that they had shaved for the surgery. Owwwwwwwch!

25 Jul 01 - 01:26 PM (#514358)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: John MacKenzie

Snip snip and Bob's your aunt

25 Jul 01 - 01:33 PM (#514367)
Subject: Lyr Add: VASECTOMY (Bernard Wrigley)
From: clansfolk

Here's another song ideal for falsetto! the LSD quoted in the song refers to the UK money system prior to 1971 Pounds - Shillings and pence. - if you want to hear the tune its on John Bonds CD which will be available (soon) as a download from MP3.com. Also accessible via John's url......enjoy.......

VASECTOMY.
(Bernard Wrigley)

Albert was a quiet lad, he loved a quiet life,
He hadn't any kids, but he'd a domineering wife.
One day she said, "I've had enough, but if you love me still,
The contraception's up to you, I'm coming off the Pill."

"Whatever can I do?" he thought, "Don't I get all the luck?
I can't start using rubbers, they choke the neighbour's duck,
I've got to think of something else, another remedy,
There's only one course open now, and that's Vasectomy."

Chorus:-

"Oh dear Albert, whatever have you done?
You'll never have a daughter, you'll never have a son.
I hope the Doctor told you, 'You're on a one way trip.'
There is no way to change your mind, when the scissors have gone snip.

He went to his Physician, to ask for his advice
He said, "Have the operation lad, I'll do it in a trice."
"The waiting list is fifteen years, on the National Health,
But give me Fifty Guineas, and I'll do the job myself."

He paid the man the money, had the job done right away,
Then he walked home like a cowboy, who's horse had gone astray.
He couldn't sit, he couldn't stand, it was agony to cough,
And when he held his breath it felt like things were falling off.

--Chorus--

His conjugal equipment turned a funny shade of green,
What used to be his pride and joy, was nowhere to be seen.
He said, "There's been a cock up, this Doctor's gone too far,
I bet it's on his desk right now, inside a pickling jar."

A week went by and things got worse, he was bruised and feeling sore,
He counted up his assets, and he found that he'd got four.
He'd one just like a marble, next to a pointed one,
And one just like a tennis ball... with a tennis racquet on.

--Chorus--

He has a fond affection now, for tom-cats and the like,
It's put him right off eating nuts, and he cannot ride his bike.
He daren't go by the cobblers, he comes out in a rash,
And when he sees a Doctor, he could win a ten-mile-dash.

So if you've got some money, old fashioned L.S.D.
And you want a way to spend it, then try Vasectomy.
You may find that you like it, you can have yourself a ball,
Or two or three or even four, or maybe none at all.

--Chorus--

25 Jul 01 - 01:45 PM (#514382)
Subject: RE: Limeliters' 'Vasectomy' lyrics-for the guys!
From: Mr Red

Fair makes yer toes curl, dunnit?
Well it did mine!