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01 Apr 10 - 10:08 PM (#2877807) Subject: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: olddude I propose we start a mudcatters one liner hall of fame. There is just so many great lines though out the years we have document them. I start off with a Thiemeism "If it weren't fer time, we would have to do everything all at once" or "If yer memory starts to go , well just ferget it" Captain has a million of them ... Jerry has a million of them lets get em rolling |
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01 Apr 10 - 10:10 PM (#2877808) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: olddude I also liked Dan line on the Captains thread "talk about being to cheap to holler" |
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01 Apr 10 - 11:56 PM (#2877846) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Ebbie One original to me, sfaik, is 'It wouldn't be so bad that life is so short if only it were wider." |
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01 Apr 10 - 11:57 PM (#2877847) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: GUEST,hg " No problem so small it can't be blamed on your mother..." |
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02 Apr 10 - 11:57 AM (#2878149) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: frogprince If a partial line is admissable, Ebbie's "...the sound of a distant toilet flushing" is way up among the all-time greats. |
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02 Apr 10 - 12:07 PM (#2878160) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Ebbie yoicks |
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02 Apr 10 - 12:37 PM (#2878178) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: olddude talking about a lawn chair and I got this: "I prefer Lawn Cheney over Dick Cheney" (Ron Bankley) |
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02 Apr 10 - 12:38 PM (#2878179) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: olddude "look in the mirror and repeat over and over , I am a bumble Dick" Spaw |
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02 Apr 10 - 12:42 PM (#2878184) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: olddude "when life gives you lemons ... throw them at the postman" |
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02 Apr 10 - 12:45 PM (#2878190) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: olddude I think Kendall said this one "If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless ? " |
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02 Apr 10 - 03:00 PM (#2878298) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: The Sandman the last good bye: are you the same Dick Miles? no, sorry he is the famous one, I am the infamous one. |
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02 Apr 10 - 03:05 PM (#2878304) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: GUEST,Songbob The high cost of living has, somehow, not affected its popularity. Bob |
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02 Apr 10 - 08:51 PM (#2878489) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: kendall After two major bouts with the surgeons I have to admit, "I'm not the man I used to think I was." |
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03 Apr 10 - 04:31 PM (#2878927) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Peter T. Someone's warped definition from a thread I can't remember: "I never saw no horse at no open mike night." Peter T. |
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03 Apr 10 - 09:52 PM (#2879142) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Q (Frank Staplin) Only dead fish go with the flow- Sarah Palin |
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03 Apr 10 - 11:17 PM (#2879171) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Amos Art Thieme's deathless album title, The Older I Get, the Better I Was. |
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03 Apr 10 - 11:25 PM (#2879174) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: olddude from kendall "this is america, he has the right to be an asshole" |
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04 Apr 10 - 11:43 AM (#2879374) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: kendall He looks like he was poured into his clothes and forgot to say "When." He looked like he was in the middle of a sex change and the power went off. |
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04 Apr 10 - 01:08 PM (#2879429) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Bat Goddess Ebbie, a line from one of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood novels is "Life is short...but wide." I use it on one of my sig boxes. Linn |
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04 Apr 10 - 01:13 PM (#2879434) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Bat Goddess "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade, but unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade is going to suck." Linn |
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04 Apr 10 - 01:18 PM (#2879437) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Q (Frank Staplin) Sources would be appreciated. |
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04 Apr 10 - 01:23 PM (#2879444) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: McGrath of Harlow This old thread has a lot of good ones: Gallery of Mudcat Quotations Including, for example, this excellent piece of advice from the ever-missed Rick Fielding: "I've squeezed Crazy Glue into more than one Juke Box in bars where I was playing. It worked. In each place they had to remove the machine to fix it." |
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04 Apr 10 - 01:55 PM (#2879464) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Ebbie "Ya-Ya Sisterhood novels is "Life is short...but wide." BatGoddess Hmmm. I never read any of those novels but even if I had, the sentiment is opposite to my contention. :) |
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04 Apr 10 - 02:20 PM (#2879477) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: kendall One of my favorites: "I don't care what they do, as long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses." (Lady Campbell, England) "It's well to remember that for one tiny exception, the universe is made up of others." |
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04 Apr 10 - 02:47 PM (#2879499) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Bat Goddess The lemonade one was in a "Funny Dog" photo submitted a few months ago on a BS thread. I decided to actually spell the words correctly instead of "rap speak". Linn |
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04 Apr 10 - 08:25 PM (#2879683) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: The Fooles Troupe Bat Goddess - my friend says "If life gives you lemons, stick them in your T-shirt to make your chest look bigger." |
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04 Apr 10 - 09:54 PM (#2879726) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Art Thieme You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, stuff it into a flea's navel, and still have room left over for three caraway seeds and an agent's heart. Art |
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04 Apr 10 - 09:56 PM (#2879728) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Art Thieme Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows! Art |
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05 Apr 10 - 06:12 AM (#2879864) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Allan C. I used this one for years before I found out that it originated with Kendall Morse: It was so cold that the pan of boiling water I set out on the stoop froze so fast the ice was still warm! |
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05 Apr 10 - 07:10 AM (#2879886) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: kendall The wind blew so hard it blew two rooster feathers through a grindstone.(My Uncle Curt) |
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05 Apr 10 - 11:50 AM (#2880030) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Art Thieme ...and the hen laid the same egg three times. (That's some wind.) Art |
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05 Apr 10 - 11:53 AM (#2880031) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Art Thieme Utah used to say, "If elections could really change anything, they'd be illegal!" (I've used it ever since I heard it.) Art |
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05 Apr 10 - 02:54 PM (#2880148) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: kendall I don't belong to an organized party; I'm a democrat. Will Rogers |
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05 Apr 10 - 03:24 PM (#2880163) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: GUEST,bankley driving north on the backroads from Tennessee the other day there was no sign to tell us that we crossed the state line into Kentucky I said "You see, they're so poor up here they can't afford signs so you have to welcome yourself " I guess you had to be there... JT once said, "Man some of the folks were so poor that when they died, they had to bring their own dirt to pack themselves in" |
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05 Apr 10 - 04:58 PM (#2880210) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Lonesome EJ Oh yeah, Bankley? Well I heard people in Tennessee were so dumb they couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the directions on the heel. Most of the folks in Southern Kentucky had to move out of Northern Tennessee because the ground was so poor you had to sit on a bag of manure to raise an umbrella. |
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05 Apr 10 - 05:08 PM (#2880221) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: GUEST,Bob L Who was it said "My folks were so poor that if I hadn't been a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with"? |
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05 Apr 10 - 06:14 PM (#2880262) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: GUEST,bankley Earl's so dumb, he bought a pair of water skis, now he's out looking for a lake with a slope... |
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05 Apr 10 - 07:53 PM (#2880328) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: kendall Bob L that was Rodney Dangerfield. |
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05 Apr 10 - 11:21 PM (#2880407) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Hell, he was shaking like a dog shittin' carpet tacks! |
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06 Apr 10 - 02:09 AM (#2880464) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: katlaughing ...and the hen laid the same egg three times. (That's some wind.) or, maybe she'd had a lot of beans...:-) |
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06 Apr 10 - 06:54 AM (#2880553) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: kendall Circus fat man, He was so big you would need to take a lunch to walk around him. |
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07 Apr 10 - 06:28 AM (#2881247) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Bryn Pugh We're always in the shit - only the depth varies. In faecam aeternam summus - solii profundi variat. It they had brains they'd be dangerous. How much do you charge to haunt a house ? |
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07 Apr 10 - 12:04 PM (#2881429) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Art Thieme They were so poor they had to use the same car for Drivers Ed and sex education. Art |
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07 Apr 10 - 12:11 PM (#2881432) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: MMario Whale Oil Beef Hooked (WOBH) - kendall |
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07 Apr 10 - 05:27 PM (#2881657) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: kendall That's a Newfoundland expression. Must be spoken not read. |
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08 Apr 10 - 05:29 AM (#2881961) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Bryn Pugh If me auntie had bollocks she'd be me uncle (to someone who is "what-iffing"). |
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08 Apr 10 - 09:22 AM (#2882077) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Leadfingers He's educated beyond his intelligence ! |
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08 Apr 10 - 09:35 AM (#2882088) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: clueless don On 05 Apr 10 - 11:21 PM, GUEST,Guest from Sanity wrote: Hell, he was shaking like a dog shittin' carpet tacks! I have also heard this one with "razor blades" or "peach pits" substituted for the carpet tacks. Don |
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08 Apr 10 - 10:32 AM (#2882117) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: olddude "The older I get, the lower they fall" One of the catter women |
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08 Apr 10 - 11:52 AM (#2882157) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: GUEST,bankley she's so loose and easy, she turns the light on after sex by opening the car door..... |
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08 Apr 10 - 12:26 PM (#2882173) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: olddude "I can see Mudcat from were I live" Joe Offer (I think) |
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08 Apr 10 - 01:25 PM (#2882209) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: gnu He couldn't organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a handful of hundred dollar bills and a half dozen drunk sailors. If I didn't make that up I musta forgot I heard it SOMEwhere. I don't get no respect... the other day I went to a whorehouse at noon but a sign on the door said, "Gone to lunch, go fuck yourself." I know who wrote that but I can't say. |
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08 Apr 10 - 01:40 PM (#2882224) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: olddude "He has his head so far up his arse people think he is a midget" (Bruce I think on one of the political thread) |
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08 Apr 10 - 05:42 PM (#2882398) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Smokey. Idleness is the grandmother of invention. |
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09 Apr 10 - 08:05 AM (#2882751) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Bryn Pugh That previous post - |
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09 Apr 10 - 08:34 AM (#2882776) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: GUEST,Neil D There's no I in team, however there is one in kiss my ass. |
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09 Apr 10 - 08:51 AM (#2882788) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: olddude "The function of music is to free the mind from the tyranny of conscious thought." (Kendall) |
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09 Apr 10 - 09:23 AM (#2882801) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: Guy Wolff One day when I was In the middle of an article with the New York TImes about what it took to be in the arts ><><><>< Walking into my pottery shop from a Saab 9000 and $200 Italian shoes a guy sniffed in the air looked at me and my guest and said : "God I wish I had your life-style " So I looked back and said "God I wish I had your medical Insurence !" . The little hykoo went into the paper .. |
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09 Apr 10 - 12:19 PM (#2882927) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: kendall Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades is an old one that I first heard as a boy. |
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09 Apr 10 - 01:20 PM (#2882978) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: gnu Well, if we're gonna quote... "that" is like tryin ta shove butter up a wildcat's ass with a hot poker. |
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09 Apr 10 - 05:44 PM (#2883181) Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame From: The Fooles Troupe "There's no I in team" .... but ME is always right back in there. |