Songs about naughty deeds please!

13 Aug 10 - 10:49 AM (#2964331)
Subject: Songs about naughty deeds please!
From: GUEST,bumcat

Following a recent thread 'When will Mudcat clean up its act', I feel a need for us all to share lyrics to trad folk songs that truly illustrate the nature of the folk genre - and then we can all go and play/sing them in sessions to high amusement!

---

13 Aug 10 - 12:04 PM (#2964373)
Subject: RE: Songs about naughty deeds please!
From: Bernard

The Slap Bum Tailor...

Bonny Black Hare

---

13 Aug 10 - 01:12 PM (#2964438)
Subject: RE: Songs about naughty deeds please!
From: Paul Burke

Singing Yarmouh Town some time ago, I heard a woman nearby muttering to her companion in a most offended manner, "This is pure male fantasy!"

Well, I always thought it was fairly impure, but in case Mr. Sweeney is listening, I sang every word exactly as I'd learnt it from the oral tradition (i.e. my mate Kevin), except that for decency's sake I bowdlerised Kevin's "97 sailors" to "15 sailors".

---

13 Aug 10 - 03:32 PM (#2964553)
Subject: RE: Songs about naughty deeds please!
From: maple_leaf_boy

The Ball of Kerrimuir also known as Gathering Of The Clans.

---

13 Aug 10 - 04:02 PM (#2964582)
Subject: RE: Songs about naughty deeds please!
From: Richard Bridge

Folk song has never been restricted to copulation. Indeed it has largely not dealt with the joys as such of copulation, but there are many songs that deal with tragic consequences of unwise or unwilling copulation. Mere fornication (while, as far as I recollect, pleasant) often fails to carry the searing by-products that underpin the most forceful of folk songs.

---

13 Aug 10 - 05:02 PM (#2964629)
Subject: RE: Songs about naughty deeds please!
From: puck

'The Firth of Forth' is a very good one!
'We have been flying all day long at a hundred f*****g feet...etc.
The weather it was awful f*****g rain and f******g sleet....... I'll leave the rest to your imaginations!

And again there's....
'Come on chaps! Drinks all round we've had a jolly good supper.
If a man goes out with the sergeant's wife, He's foolish not to....
Ask the general to tea, and all his family;
If he can't come then tickle his bum with a stick of celery!

Blackpool is the place for me a-fishing from a rock,
I never use my fishing line, I always use my....
Dainty little finger - so slender and so slim,
I can get all five of them inside my girlfriends....
Pockets are so useful, especially in the stalls,
For when you're tired of what's on stage,
you can fumble with your...
Money if you've got some, and if you've had some luck....
and haven't gone and spent it all having a jolly good....?????


Turkish bath [of course!!]


And so on and so forth....
Pee.

---

13 Aug 10 - 05:10 PM (#2964639)
Subject: RE: Songs about naughty deeds please!
From: Georgiansilver

When I was a young lad I used to like girls,
I'd play with their corsets and fondle their curls.
'Till one day, my lady I caught with some churl,
Now you'd never get treated that way by a moose.

Chorus
Moose, moose, I likes a moose,
I've never had anything quite like a moose.
I've had lots of lovers, my life has been loose,
But I've never had anything quite like a moose.

Now when I'm in mood for a very good lay,
I go to my closet and get me some hay.
I go to my window and spread it around.
'Cause moose always come when there's hay on the ground.

Chorus...

Gorillas are all right on Saturday night,
Lions and tigers, they puts up a fight.
But it's just not the same when you slam your caboose,
As the feeling you get when you humps with a moose.

Chorus

I've done it with beasties with long flowing hair,
I'd do it with snakes if their fangs were not there.
I've done it with walrus, a monkey, and goose,
But it's just not the same when you screw with a moose.

Chorus

Now that I am old and advanced in my years,
I look back on my life and shed me no tears.
As I sit in my chair with my glass of Matheus,
Playing Hide-The-Salami with Melba the Moose.

Chorus...

---

13 Aug 10 - 05:39 PM (#2964663)
Subject: RE: Songs about naughty deeds please!
From: Richard Bridge

Oh! Disgusting! Mateus Rose! No well bred moose would go for that surely.

---

13 Aug 10 - 05:51 PM (#2964669)
Subject: RE: Songs about naughty deeds please!
From: bill\sables

This one is from way back in the 40s

There's one pet I like to pet, and every evening we get set.
I stroke it every chance I get, it's my girl's pussy.

Seldom plays and never purrs, and I love the thoughts it stirs.
But I don't mind because it's hers, it's my girl's pussy.

Often it goes out at night, returns at break of dawn.
No matter what the weather's like, it's always nice and warm.
It's never dirty, always clean. In giving thrills, never mean.
But it's the best I've ever seen, it's my girl's pussy.

There's one pet I like to pet, and every evening we get wet.
I stroke it every chance I get, it's my girl's pussy.

Seldom plays, never purrs, and I love thoughts it stirs.
But I don't mind because it's hers, it's my girl's pussy.

So often it goes out at night, and returns at break of dawn,
No matter what the weather's like, it's always dry and warm.
I bring tidbits that it loves, we spoon like two turtledoves.
I take care to remove my gloves, when stroking my girl's pussy.

---

13 Aug 10 - 06:26 PM (#2964686)
Subject: RE: Songs about naughty deeds please!
From: Joe_F

Four Old Whores

---

13 Aug 10 - 06:29 PM (#2964687)
Subject: RE: Songs about naughty deeds please!
From: Steve Gardham

Bill, that's disgusting! (Hee hee) I hope to hear you sing it the next time I'm in Rawcliffe.

My main party piece at the sod's opera was always 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'. Oh, and The Lobster Song

Last verse:
On the twelfth day of Christmas I took to bed with me
Twelve twats a-twitching
Eleven leaping lesbians
Ten tattered testicles
Nine gnawed off nipples
Eight aching arseholes
Seven sex-starved spinsters
Six convicted vicars
Five choir boys----
Four fornicators
Three french whores
Two shithouse doors
And my Lord Montague of Beaulieu.

---

13 Aug 10 - 07:55 PM (#2964739)
Subject: RE: Songs about naughty deeds please!
From: kendall

Jack the sailor

Joe, another verse to the whore song:

You're a liar said the first again, I'd blush to be so small
Many's the fleet that sailed right in and never came out at all
So take up the sheets me hearties
Water the decks with brine
Bend to the oars you lousy whores
None is bigger than mine.

---

13 Aug 10 - 08:05 PM (#2964746)
Subject: RE: Songs about naughty deeds please!
From: Little Hawk

THE BALLAD OF YUKON JAKE

By EDWARD E. PARAMORE JR.

Begging Robert W. Service's Pardon

OH THE NORTH COUNTREE is a hard countree
That mothers a bloody brood;
And its icy arms hold hidden charms
For the greedy, the sinful and lewd.


And strong men rust, from the gold and the lust
That sears the Northland soul,
But the wickedest born, from the Pole to the Horn,
Is the Hermit of Shark Tooth Shoal.

Now Jacob Kaime was the Hermit's name
In the days of his pious youth,
Ere he cast a smirch on the village Church
By betraying a girl named Ruth.


But now men quake at "Yukon Jake,"
The Hermit of Shark-Tooth Shoal,
For that is the name that Jacob Kaime
Is known by from Nome to the Pole.


He was just a boy and the parson's joy
(Ere he fell for the gold and the muck),
And had learned to pray, with the hogs and the hay
On a farm near Keokuk.


But a Service tale of illicit kale --
And whisky and women wild --
Drained the morals clean as a souptureen
From this poor but honest child.


He longed for the bite of a Yukon night
And the Northern Light's weird flicker,
Or a game of stud in the frozen mud,
And the taste of raw red licker.


He wanted to mush along in the slush,
With a team of husky hounds;
And to fire his gat at a beaver hat
And knock it out of bounds.

So he left his home for the hell-town Nome,
On Alaska's ice-ribbed shores,
And he learned to curse and to drink, and worse --
Till the rum dripped from his pores.


When the boys on a spree were drinking it free
In a Malamute saloon,
And Dan Megrew and his dangerous crew
Shot craps with the piebald coon;


When the Kid on his stool banged away like a fool
At a jag-time melody,
And the barkeep vowed, to the hard-boiled crowd,
That he'd cree-mate Sam McGee --

Then Jacob Kaime, who had taken the name
Of Yukon Jake, the Killer,
Would rake the dive with his forty-five
Till the atmosphere grew chiller.


With a sharp command he'd make 'em stand
And deliver their hard-earned dust;
Then drink the bar dry, of rum and rye,
As a Klondike bully must.


Without coming to blows he would tweak the nose
Of Dangerous Dan Megrew,
And becoming bolder, throw over his shoulder
The lady that's known as Lou.

Oh, tough as a steak was Yukon Jake --
Hard-boiled as a picnic egg.
He washed his shirt in the KIondike dirt,
And drank his rum by the keg.


In fear of their lives (or because of their wives)
He was shunned by the best of his pals;
An outcast he, from the comradery
Of all but wild animals.


So he bought him the whole of Shark-Tooth Shoal,
A reef in the Bering Sea,
And he lived by himself on a sea lion's shelf
In lonely iniquity.

But, miles away, in Keokuk, Ia.,
Did a ruined maiden fight
To remove the smirch from the village Church
By bringing the heathen Light.


And the Elders declared that all would be squared
If she carried the holy words
From her Keokuk home to the hell-town Nome
To save those sinful birds.


So, two weeks later, she took a freighter,
For the gold-cursed land near the Pole,
But Heaven ain't made for a lass that's betrayed --
She was wrecked on Shark-Tooth Shoal!


All hands were tossed in the Sea, and lost --
All but the maiden Ruth,
Who swam to the edge of the sea lion's ledge
Where abode the love of her youth.


He was hunting a seal for his evening meal
(He handled a mean harpoon)
When he saw at his feet, not something to eat,
But a girl in a frozen swoon,


Whom he dragged to his lair by her dripping hair,
And he rubbed her knees with gin, --
To his great surprise, she opened her eyes
And revealed -- his Original Sin!

His eight-months beard grew stiff and weird,
And it felt like a chestnut bur,
And he swore by his gizzard -- and the Arctic blizzard,
That he'd do right by her.


Then the cold sweat froze on the end of her nose
Till it gleamed like a Tecla pearl,
While her bright hair fell, like a flame from hell,
Down the back of the grateful girl.


But a hopeless rake was Yukon Jake,
The hermit of Shark Tooth Shoal!
And the dizzy maid he rebetrayed
And wrecked her immortal soul!...


Then he rowed her ashore, with a broken oar,
And he sold her to Dan McGrew
For a husky dog and some hot eggnog --
As rascals are wont to do.


Now ruthless Ruth is a maid uncouth
With scarlet cheeks and lips,
And she sings rough songs to the drunken throngs
That come from the sealing ships.


For a rouge-stained kiss from this infamous miss
They will give a seal's sleek fur,
Or perhaps a sable, if they are able;
It's much the same to her.

Oh, the North Countree is a rough countree,
That mothers a bloody brood;
And its icy arms hold hidden charms
For the greedy, the sinful and lewd.


And strong men rust, from the gold and the lust
That sears the Northland soul,
But the wickedest born from the Pole to the Horn
Was the Hermit of Shark-Tooth Shoal!

---

13 Aug 10 - 08:26 PM (#2964762)
Subject: RE: Songs about naughty deeds please!
From: maple_leaf_boy

Also, any song by Bob Saget would do. He sings "A Clean Song",
and a couple of tunes he wrote one called "My Dog(did something too
gross to mention), and "Danner Tanner Was Not Gay".

They sound somewhat folky.

I won't say the whole title of the dog song, though.

---

13 Aug 10 - 08:45 PM (#2964779)
Subject: RE: Songs about naughty deeds please!
From: Bill D

Whatever you do, do NOT go to the the DT database and look up Eskimo Nell. You will be embarrassed..*snicker*... and HORRIFIED *giggle* at the *guffaw*, lewd and licentious lyrics which require a certificate from your local ...ahem... Bureau of Control of Disgusting Folkdom......
















Oh...what the heck, go on...you know you will anyway...

---