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01 Jan 11 - 12:18 PM (#3065049) Subject: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: Mrrzy So, lessee, we need a new joke, a new god story, and what else? Here it is already *lunchtime* Mudcat time, and there are no new 2011 thingies yet? What is up with you people, me included? All I could come up with was an old knockknock joke... which I will spare you. What about you all? |
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01 Jan 11 - 01:04 PM (#3065064) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: Uncle_DaveO New Year's Resolutions (The realistic kind) With the close of a year, many "resolve" to improve on their outlook for the new year, but many are impossible dreams and are left unrealized. Here are some more realistic New Year's Resolutions: 1. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws. 2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. 3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault. 4. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain. 5. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as rewarding. 6. I am at one with my duality. 7. A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution. 8. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom. 9. I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!" 10. I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future. |
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01 Jan 11 - 01:11 PM (#3065068) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: Little Hawk It isn't really New Years. ;-) New Years begins when Spring begins. See my other thread on the subject. Aside from that, if we're going to have a new god, Mrzzy, I have some possible nominations: 1. Liv Tyler 2. Mary Chapin Carpenter 3. the Great Dachshund Okay, those were in jest. ;-) How about instead: - Mother Nature (in all her majesty and power) And New Year's resolutions: I will be kind. I will practice moderation. I will not make judgement on the essential worth of others. (but I do reserve the right to judge their behaviour on occasion) |
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01 Jan 11 - 01:13 PM (#3065070) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: SINSULL The last year before 2012 and the end of the Aztec world. SIGH. |
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01 Jan 11 - 01:18 PM (#3065074) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: Little Hawk Was it the Aztecs too? I thought it was a Mayan concept. |
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01 Jan 11 - 01:56 PM (#3065096) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: Amos It IS so New Year's, Hawkster; by definition widely agreed-upon. The whole purpose of a caledar is making a common framework for coordinating operations. You are an intransigent mugwump , sir. |
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01 Jan 11 - 03:19 PM (#3065140) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: Little Hawk Intransigent, am I? And you, sir, are an obstreporous diddly-whacker. So there! ;-) |
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01 Jan 11 - 03:55 PM (#3065167) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: Ed T One of my favourite 2010 News items:It can't get any worse," |
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01 Jan 11 - 06:20 PM (#3065247) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: Mrrzy Not a new god, a new god *thread* for 2011... I didn't start the last one so I'm waiting, faithlessly. And we have a new joke thread, but it has an old joke in it! |
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01 Jan 11 - 06:22 PM (#3065249) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: Mrrzy Sorry, that should have read "we have a new..." -my bad. |
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01 Jan 11 - 06:32 PM (#3065254) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: gnu Ed... priceless! Hahahahaa |
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01 Jan 11 - 07:45 PM (#3065299) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: framus My glass is up to Uncle Dave, but I do, also like both mugwump and diddly-whacker,(which sounds like a euphemism). Davy. |
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01 Jan 11 - 09:54 PM (#3065343) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: saulgoldie Quick! While there's still time! This tip courtesy of Bill Gold, the late columnist for the Washington Post: On the first ten checks in your checkbook, write "2011" in the year field of the date. (Unless you do all your transactions with cash or cards, you know you will have at least ten checks for the year.) This accomplishes two things. First, it establishes the habit of writing the correct (new) year. Second, you now have ten checks that have the correct year, even if you haven't done step one. I have been doing this for several years, and it really works! Saul |
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01 Jan 11 - 11:39 PM (#3065364) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: Naemanson If it's true does it count as a joke? Oh right, Dan Quayle and George W. Bush. It's true. Today is, according to the Japanese and the Koreans, one of four days that a dog can clearly state the date. According to their cultures dogs do not go bow-wow they say wan-wan. So today the date is wan, wan, wan-wan. The next three are: wan, wan-wan, wan-wan; wan-wan, wan, wan-wan; and wan-wan, wan-wan, wan-wan. |
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01 Jan 11 - 11:40 PM (#3065365) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: Naemanson I forgot that Mexicans also use wan-wan for the sound of a dog barking. |
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01 Jan 11 - 11:47 PM (#3065371) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: Rapparee Kind of what, LH? 1. I will practice everything in moderation, including excess. 2. I would pledge to become in better physical shape, but that's an impossibility. You can't improve perfection. 3. I will not kill anything that doesn't need or deserve it. 4. Amos will be allowed to exist at least until tomorrow. After that, no promises. 5. I will not drink any more. 6. That's enough. Any more and I might not keep them. |
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02 Jan 11 - 08:53 PM (#3065925) Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011 From: Nancy King Here's a little verse, courtesy of my friend Al Kehs: This year I'll make the same mistake I've made since I was seven; And I shall write it as a '10 Instead of an '10. |