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30 Mar 11 - 02:24 PM (#3124981) Subject: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Okay, I figgered it's time I helped you humans rise up out of yer ignorance so's you can evolve to a higher level, learn how to act proper, and make somethin' decent outta yer lives. I am gonna share the fruits of my wisdom and my long experience with you, startin' today. I will drop a few pearls of advice each day as to how you bozos can better yer lives...maybe even advance to the level of an ape or a monkey. Ya ready? Okay. Here's the first pearl I am droppin'. Listen closely. An interpersonal communication problem can always be solved by a carefully balanced combination of verbal persuasion and violence. Write that down, okay? Then meditate on it. - Chongo |
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30 Mar 11 - 02:33 PM (#3124986) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Sandy Mc Lean kind like a banana and a stick? |
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30 Mar 11 - 02:39 PM (#3124993) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: gnu Stick a banana... ? |
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30 Mar 11 - 02:41 PM (#3124996) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp You got it, Sandy. A banana and a stick. Exactly. You are progressin' very well. - Chongo |
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30 Mar 11 - 02:43 PM (#3124998) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Ed T ""Peel me a nanner, toss me a peanut, I'll come swinging from a coconut tree Peel me a nanner, toss me a peanut, you sure made a monkey out of me"" |
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30 Mar 11 - 02:46 PM (#3125000) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Rapparee Yup, that's a dropping all right. |
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30 Mar 11 - 02:46 PM (#3125001) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp See...if ya stop to think about it, that is exactly how the USA conducts its important business with other nations. A banana and a stick. You need them kinda advanced strategies in place when yer runnin' somethin' as complicated as the USA. - Chongo |
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30 Mar 11 - 02:52 PM (#3125009) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: GUEST,999 Looks like the south side of Chicago ain't the toughest part of town no more. |
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30 Mar 11 - 03:04 PM (#3125020) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Rapparee On the south side Of Chicago In the baddest part of town If you go down there You better just beware Of a chimp called Chongo Clown. CHORUS Sad, sad Chongo Clown Dumbest chimp in the whole damn town Dumber than a washed-up log Uglier than a road-killed dog. He got a red two-wheeled scooter He got a ringy-bell on it too He got some bubblegum In his pocket for fun And he don't never wear no shoes. CHORUS Friday, bout a week ago The Clown he's shootin' dice And at the end of the bar Sat an ape named Alice An' mmmmm that ape looked nice. CHORUS Chongo, he put the moves on Tried to get her up against a wall He didn't get to no base 'Cause she laughed in his face And kicked him in the balls. CHORUS Then her boyfriend stomped on Chongo 'Til he was a pile of slush Blood and gore All around the floor 'Cause his brains had long been mush. CHORUS |
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30 Mar 11 - 03:20 PM (#3125027) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Bobert Not too much banana in that one, Rap... |
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30 Mar 11 - 03:26 PM (#3125032) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Ed T http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2j6JdYPsbs |
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30 Mar 11 - 03:30 PM (#3125036) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Okay, folks, here is another bit of sage advice fer the masses. When yer in the business of teachin' wisdom, yer light will shine bright. And we all know what happens with a bright light, don't we? It attracts moths and other pests. The bright light of a wisdom teacher tends ta draw them moths outta the dark places they live in, and they come flyin' around to toss ridicule and to disparage them what are smarter than they are. But a wisdom teacher has gotta stay cool in the presence of these vermin. It wouldn't do to lose one's temper, and just start flailin' around wildly. Oh, no. Cos a wisdom teacher don't get mad. He gets even. That's why I always carry a .45 cal. can of moth repellant around with me and keep it loaded. Capiche? So that's yer bit of wisdom right there: Don't get mad. Get even. And always carry a loaded gun. - Chongo |
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30 Mar 11 - 03:36 PM (#3125041) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: catspaw49 Fuck off monkey dick....... Spaw |
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30 Mar 11 - 03:41 PM (#3125050) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: GUEST,Chong Chimp Another thing the wise do is they find ways to rise above the static from negative types like the friggin' jerkoff jadrool who just posted at 3:36 PM. I blow off them types like I was flickin' a bit of street dust off my jacket lapels. So yer bit of wisdom on that is: Always practice the principle of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter. - Chongo |
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30 Mar 11 - 04:37 PM (#3125089) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Okay, that oughta do it for today. Study them 3 pearls of wisdom that I put in the bold type. Work on gettin' 'em down. I will return when yer ready for more. - Chongo |
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30 Mar 11 - 07:16 PM (#3125190) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Bill D Another pearl of wisdom, courtesy of small dogs named Toto. "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain." |
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30 Mar 11 - 07:59 PM (#3125202) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Rapparee I never have. |
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30 Mar 11 - 08:09 PM (#3125207) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Amos Wisdom from Chongo is a simpleton's example of an oxymoron. Or mebbe a chimpy-moron. A |
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30 Mar 11 - 08:11 PM (#3125209) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Little Hawk Envy is such an ignoble emotion... ;-) |
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30 Mar 11 - 08:43 PM (#3125233) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Rapparee THIS!!! is wisdom, not the droolings and ravings of some Tarzan lickspittle! (Turn on your speakers.) |
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31 Mar 11 - 12:13 AM (#3125307) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Little Hawk Wow! What fantastic visuals. The Japanese really have an aesthetic sense all their own. |
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31 Mar 11 - 12:38 AM (#3125311) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Donuel Is LH his handler or his teacher? Here is an AMerican TEACHER http://usera.imagecave.com/donuel/don/cuteacher.jpg |
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31 Mar 11 - 06:45 AM (#3125393) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: catspaw49 "I blow off them types" Yeah, no shit!........You be da' supreme blow-boy in the joint and I am happy to see you know that! So blow this fur nuts.......... Spaw |
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31 Mar 11 - 07:54 AM (#3125425) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: gnu LH... took a lot a beers to dream up that commercial. |
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31 Mar 11 - 10:29 AM (#3125519) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Rapparee Did you know that the word "Chongo" means "Drooling one-who-does-not-know-their-father-because-their-mother-was-so-promiscuous"? "Chon" is the long part and "-go" is the adjective for "drooling". |
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31 Mar 11 - 11:20 AM (#3125540) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Okay, here we go with another brand new day. Ook! Ook! I love lookin' out the window at the city in the mornin' and seein' all the people and cars goin' by. I love the smell of the city in the mornin'. It smells like....opportunity. So here's a pearl of wisdom fer Thursday mornin'. Suppose you owe someone money. For the rent maybe. NEVER pay on time! Cos if you do, they will number one think yer a soft touch and number two they will take you for granted. Pay at least a week late. 2 or 3 weeks late is better. Let 'em know that your time is more important than theirs. When you finally do pay, do it in grand style, like you had the money all along and you wasn't the least bit worried about it. Smile as you hand it over. That keeps 'em guessin' and they won't get the idea that you are just some bum they can push around, see? - Chongo |
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31 Mar 11 - 11:35 AM (#3125548) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: catspaw49 Like anyone would want your money...............Perhaps if you wouldn't wipe your ass with it and then lick it clean but.............Best if you just get it for free whatever it is. Spaw |
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31 Mar 11 - 07:45 PM (#3125892) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Funny, I keep hearin' these strange noises from the peanut gallery. Sounds like someone ate somethin' that didn't agree with him and is havin' a serious digestive problem. Waugh! That sounds real ugly. Doesn't smell too good either. Peee-YOOO!!! I think it's time to move upwind. Okay. Women. Another worthy subject. There ain't a day goes by that I don't find my mind dwellin' on women. Back in the day, we used to call 'em "dames", but that term has gone outta style. Too bad. Anyways, whether you call 'em women...or dames...you gotta treat 'em right. If you don't, everything goes to shit real fast. Trust me. You gotta remember their names, and their birthdays, anniversaries, all that kinda stuff, and you gotta send 'em flowers and candy now and then when somethin' like that comes along. Always be courteous and chivalrous. Open doors, get her coat, pour her a drink, tip yer hat, that sorta thing. But there is one absolutely vital thing, no matter what the situation is if it involves a dame. You gotta make her think it's her idea! If you succeed in that, you can count on things to go pretty smooth. If she thinks it ain't her idea...faggedaboudit! They're real stubborn, see? And they got expectations. It's up to you to fill them expectations as best you can. - Chongo |
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31 Mar 11 - 07:59 PM (#3125908) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge How droll. ;-) Wisdom from a talking ape! That's something one doesn't hear about every day. I am simply on tenterhooks here waiting for the next revelation to fall from your lips, Chongo. What will it be? Gardening tips? Advice on how to land an appointment to the Queen's Privy Council? How to best groom your hairy bandmates while planning the next Greystoke-inspired raid on the Native settlements? Oh dear. The suspense! I simply cannot wait! * PR |
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31 Mar 11 - 08:12 PM (#3125914) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Amos Ai, qu' il est bete!! A |
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31 Mar 11 - 08:21 PM (#3125919) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge Vous devez parler avec une plus grande clarté, monsieur! Veuillez ne pas nuire à la langue française! * PR p.s. But, yes, I believe I get your drift. |
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31 Mar 11 - 08:49 PM (#3125936) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Rapparee Ah, now we have fatuous criticizing the fathead! Drollery continues unabated. |
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31 Mar 11 - 09:04 PM (#3125946) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge Yes, he can be a bit fatuous at times, Rapparee. But don't be too hard on Amos. He is at least attempting to improve himself, rather than wallowing around in a pit of loud and grandiose male puffery, as some around here are wont to do, imagining themselves to be something resembling the modern incarnation of Blackbeard the Pirate crossed with John L. Sullivan and Jesse James... * PR |
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31 Mar 11 - 10:53 PM (#3125995) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Bill D chimp wisdom chimp hype |
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31 Mar 11 - 11:35 PM (#3125999) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Rapparee Then there's Chongo, chimp chump. |
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01 Apr 11 - 12:10 AM (#3126012) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Donuel When he writes a book I'll take a look. I am currently writing guidline books, they are quick and easy. Guidlines to assault the Nuclear Industry for their assault on you and the Earth |
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24 Aug 13 - 09:54 AM (#3552352) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Ook! Ook! What a great thread this was. I figgered why not refresh it? - Chongo |
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24 Aug 13 - 10:06 AM (#3552357) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Bobert I'd like to introduce the last post as "Exhibit #237" that Chongz ain't got the wisdom of a box of animal crackers... B;~) |
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24 Aug 13 - 10:13 AM (#3552362) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Little Hawk It should really have been titled "The Wit and Wisdom of Chongo Chimp". |
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24 Aug 13 - 05:22 PM (#3552478) Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp From: Bobert Wouldn't much matter, LH... Chongz ain't got either... B~ |
