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07 Apr 11 - 05:52 PM (#3130859) Subject: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Joseph Blunder This thread will serve as my journal as I set about on a Holy Mission to save the immortal soul of Shane McBride, a young man who has fallen deeply into sin and depravity, and who is now resting in solitary confinement in the Sudbury jail, awaiting trial for bank robbery, public mischief, resisting arrest, pointing a gun, and "being a dick", to quote what I was told by one of the arresting officers. The first day of my evangelization of Shane McBride is now over. I am exhausted! But I shall not flag nor become discouraged. The police have given me carte blanche to visit him every day and acquaint him with the Gospel. I began by reminding Shane of his spiritual responsibilities, all the while subjected to a torrent of unspeakable verbal abuse from the prisoner! I continued with selected readings from Revelations, the Psalms, and Matthew. These were greeted with open contempt and derision. The unkempt young heathen then proceeded to try to drown me out by singing endless verses of "Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall" in a loud voice and very much offkey. He followed that with some filthy song about a young women, the words of which are so dreadful and obscene that I dare not repeat them even with blanks inserted for the worst parts. Suffice it to say that certain portions of her frontal anatomy were compared to certain nether portions of a moose, and let's just leave it at that. He also pulled down his pants at one point, exposing his bare buttocks to me. I was in no wit dismayed, but continued reading loudly from the Bible and holding up a cross to remind Shane that he is in the presence of the Lord at all times and WILL be held accountable for anything he says and does. At one point he rushed over to the bars of his cell in a frenzy, spat at me, and attempted to grab my Bible (and, I assume, tear it to pieces). I think what may really be needed here is not a normal evangelization, but rather a full-blown exorcism! I intend to contact the Elders of our church and get their recommendations on a specialist to assist me. I shall return tomorrow to continue saving this wretched sinner from the evils that have so clearly overtaken him. I encourage all who read this to pray by both day and night for Shane McBride, as it will greatly assist me in doing the Lord's work and bringing this child of God back into the light of Goodness and Truth. - Joseph Blunder, Minister to the Heathen, candidate for the Parliament of Canada. |
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07 Apr 11 - 05:58 PM (#3130862) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Officer Walsh, OPP This oughta be good. ;-D I am placing bets with the other officers on who gives out first, Shane or the preacher. |
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07 Apr 11 - 08:09 PM (#3130956) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Amos THis was a put up job by Officer Dana, wasn't it? She's trying to let the boy down ge |
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07 Apr 11 - 08:12 PM (#3130960) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk Oh, dear. I think something just interrupted Amos in midstream. I hope it wasn't anything fatal, like the bite of the Black Mamba or a crashing 747. |
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07 Apr 11 - 09:14 PM (#3130986) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee genitally? gentilely? gerbilly? What, oh what, was Amos' last word to be?? Inquiring Minds patiently await with bated breath! |
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07 Apr 11 - 10:07 PM (#3131002) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk More importantly, what has happened to Amos? Is he still lucid? Conscious? Present? |
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07 Apr 11 - 10:25 PM (#3131010) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Donuel mmmm how bout a sweat lodge? |
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07 Apr 11 - 10:26 PM (#3131011) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Rattlesnake bite, I 'spect. Them rattlers'll sneak up an' bite ya an' ya'll swell up like a pizen'd pup an' yer bit part will turn black an' fall plum off. Only thing'll cure it is drinkin' a mixture of gunpowder an' whiskey after you've gone an' kauterized the bite by settin' off a load o' gunpowder on it. 'Course, you kin always use a plaster o' fresh cowpie, too. Lotsa people swear by that 'cause it draws the pizen out. Ya gotta leave it on 'til it turns green, though. |
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07 Apr 11 - 10:58 PM (#3131026) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Amos ..let the boy down gently by siccing that parson on him, wasn't she? Kinda sweet of her not to just tell him to his face. |
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07 Apr 11 - 11:03 PM (#3131028) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk Ah, good. You're okay. *** Well, I really like your advice on rattlesnakes, Rap, and I hope I never have to use it. |
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07 Apr 11 - 11:17 PM (#3131033) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Don McBride That sorry Christain fliphead Blunder has been harassin' Shane down at the lockup. He is outta his flippin' mind. That goes without sayin', eh? The little brother must be goin' through hell what with the cops on one hand with night sticks and Blunder on the other wavin' a flippin' Bible in his face. They must be tryin' to break him down so's he'll admit to all them crimes he is acysused of or maybe even volenteer to be a human sheild in Libya or somethin'! I know they got dark and evil plans to take advantage of my little brother and make him into, like, a slave for the systeme! They have gotta be stopped, eh? I will see if I can smuggel in some dirty magazines and maybe some weed so's Shane don't lose all hope. On the good side, I got $153.11 now to raise help fer Shane. The T-shirts are sellin' not bad. - Don |
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08 Apr 11 - 11:11 AM (#3131320) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee His help is now in the Lord, Don. He should repent, tell all, and embrace his punishment like a man (whining, screaming, and bitching about it, according to my wife). Otherwise Mr. Blunder and Co. might surround YOUR house and preach and pray for the boy there. How do you think you'll like being prayed over and preached to in relays, day after day and night after night, followed everywhere you go by someone preaching and praying atcha? Better he stay in jail, man. |
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08 Apr 11 - 12:36 PM (#3131390) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Bob the Postman The parson he did come And he looked so flippin glum He can kiss my flippin bum (And give it lotsa tongue) God damn his eyes |
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08 Apr 11 - 12:39 PM (#3131391) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Bob the Postman The above is the latest post on Shane's Twitter feed. God knows where he's got the Blackberry stashed. |
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08 Apr 11 - 01:09 PM (#3131407) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk Maybe it's up his ass? |
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08 Apr 11 - 01:16 PM (#3131415) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Throw the book at im rev! |
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08 Apr 11 - 01:30 PM (#3131421) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Amos The ironies within ironies of the fictitious Shane being proselytized to accept a fictitious salvation from a fictitious deity, by a fictitious parson in a fictitious jai, are too delicious. It is like a Bavarian layer cake of the mind! A |
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08 Apr 11 - 01:53 PM (#3131436) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk Indeed, Amos. ;-) But if you stop for a moment to examine the ironies of the current political scene or the current financial scene in our society, you will find them rather similar in their multi-leveled unreality (even though based upon some kind of present reality)...and a lot less fun! ;-) You note that the nastier people on this forum do not bother with these fictitious story threads. They are too busy savaging each other and tearing each other's guts out on the political and religious threads...an activity which they regard as "meaningful", no doubt. I don't. I regard it as the fruitless bellowing and snarling of hungry egos intent on domination, and nothing more than that. It's like watching a bunch of dogs fighting over a piece of carrion. In any case, there's always a good place in life for fiction. It not only can entertain, it can also serve as metaphor to make us re-examine our own lives, is it not so? |
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08 Apr 11 - 06:32 PM (#3131585) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Make it so. |
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08 Apr 11 - 06:35 PM (#3131587) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee What! You DARE to believe that fiction has any relevance WHATSOEVER to our own lives? Have you considered that OUR LIVES might not have any relevance WHATSOEVER to fiction? In the meantime, come on all you boys and girls! Close your eyes and cross your fingers and say it together, louder and louder, until I DO believe in Shame! I DO believe in Shame! and so on. |
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08 Apr 11 - 07:05 PM (#3131600) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Amos It is one of my great sorrows that my life has no overpowering meaning to Lazarus Long and his red-headed twin granddaughters; would that I could be the mainstay of all their happinesses!! ANd while I believe in shame as a tawdry mechanism of low-grade control by the mindless over the witless, I do not believe in Shane McBride. A |
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08 Apr 11 - 07:11 PM (#3131603) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk You aren't required to believe in him any more than you are required to believe in Huck Finn, Tom Sawyer, Don Quixote, or Willy Scopes. Just enjoy him, that's all. |
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08 Apr 11 - 07:46 PM (#3131613) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Amos I never thought I was so required, LH!! It would be a silly position for me to take indeed! |
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08 Apr 11 - 10:14 PM (#3131659) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk True. Almost as silly as taking the missionary position with a female moose or an ostrich...(you on top, I mean) |
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08 Apr 11 - 10:37 PM (#3131673) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Poor old Shame, fluttering about in his cell, his light slowly fading...because AMOS won't believe in |
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09 Apr 11 - 04:49 PM (#3132103) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers May God bless you and your good work, Brother Blunder! No matter how long or how difficult the road, the work you have started upon it what the Lord expects from those who follow Him! Yes, perhaps a full exorcism is indeed in order, but be very careful as the Evil One has been known to turn on the exorcist! Yay, verily he will shout out sins you might have committed before Finding The Way, hoping to scandalize you before the world! You must hold fast to The Rock and know that The Pilot is guiding your ship through the storm into a peaceful and safe harbour. Go, Brother Blunder, and know that in doing This Work you are Blessed! |
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09 Apr 11 - 05:08 PM (#3132113) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Dave the Gnome ...and they say the 'mericans don't understand irony. :D |
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09 Apr 11 - 05:36 PM (#3132125) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Del here. Dale told me what was on the go an I come ta Moncton fer ta use gnu's internut so's I could put my 3 cents in. Used ta be 2 cents but that fucker, er, Harper, up there in Ottawa got that all fucked around and it's gonna go up again fer sure eh. Soooo... Hang on Jimbo! Ain't ye the fellah what used ta run the Staggers Inn? Yer a bootlegger ain't ye? Sold yer own shine too I recall before the J-Division a the Yella Stripes nailed ye and put ye away in minimum. Found religion eh wha? It's tha loike a you what gets that there poor good ol boy Shane up to ees arse in shit in the first place and then grabs coin from the gullible so's ye can minsiter to SAVE him. Whadda ye got goin here eh?... that there Blunder fellah on the payroll doin yer dirty work fer ye? Yer some slick sonovabitch ye are. Nice work if ya can get it eh. PS... Ye got any positions? Passin the plate er consolin young widows er wehatever? I ain't picky. Ah'm will ta go 30/70 if ye got a good rake eh. But just until I get the coin goin fer ye. Then we gotta talk about the cut. Let me know. |
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09 Apr 11 - 05:51 PM (#3132134) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers Sir! I am nothing of the kind! |
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09 Apr 11 - 06:29 PM (#3132153) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: JennieG What a wonderful movie title...."The Salvation of Shane McBride".....has Hollywood come knocking on Shane's door yet? With so much reality TV around nowadays, will Shane's salvation (or Sal's shanevation) be filmed while it really happens, so the rest of the world can see and learn from his experiences? No doubt Winona could undertake to play the part of Officer Jennifer Dana. Shane will probably play himself. Don likewise. Cheers JennieG |
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09 Apr 11 - 07:46 PM (#3132184) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Winona? She ain't got no bones eh. Ye needs a WOMAN what can cope with the good ol boys when they get outta line. She just don't play the part fer me. As fer Shane playin himself? He may as well be playin with himself. Ye needs a real good ol boy... an actual human bean. Dale would sign on fer beer and a moose tag. I am his agent and he is available. So is Del. Unfortunately, Johnny, the youngest brother, is embroiled in an "insurance claim" kinda deal so he's a risk at best. Anyway, LH knows all about my ahh, err, aquaintenances up Kent County, and I am sure if he gets a movie deal he'll cast this epic with real people, reeeal cheap. I'd even be willin ta make a cameo on accounta I am part good ol boy. Even at my age, I can still keep tight lines and shoot straight... iffin that fits in with them big city boys like Shane. |
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09 Apr 11 - 07:52 PM (#3132187) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy... admit and repent and beg for your salvation before the video gets on You Tube. Your flock is sure to flock off if you follow the evil path of deceit. |
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09 Apr 11 - 09:07 PM (#3132212) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Ah do think he's done gone and been OFFended. |
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09 Apr 11 - 11:56 PM (#3132248) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk The movie idea is superb! But Winona isn't the right type to play Officer Dana. She's not tall enough and a bit too delicate. Angelina Jolie would make a fine Officer Dana, but even better would be an athletic blonde actress. I can't think who exactly, but we need someone who's tall, blonde, and pretty, comes off as a smart girl, no bimbo, and also really looks like she can take care of herself in a dangerous situation. Anyone got suggestions? I got word through the grapevine. The cops are allowing Reverend Blunder to come in once a day and minister to Shane, but they have absolutely ruled out the conducting of an exorcism. It's not allowed in a Canadian penal institution. Perhaps if Shane could get transferred to some religious facility at some point, then it could go ahead, but not in his present accomodations. I wonder if the Jesuits still have a dungeon somewhere in Canada where that sort of thing can be done under proper supervision? |
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10 Apr 11 - 06:04 AM (#3132299) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Athletic blonde... you read my mind. It's obvious! Officer Karen. Transferred? What about Mount Cashel Orphanage? |
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10 Apr 11 - 02:56 PM (#3132540) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk Great idea, gnu! I bet they'd love to take over the job of "saving" Shane. |
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10 Apr 11 - 03:11 PM (#3132548) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Be a good move for Shane. Lotta money to be made in sodomy, depending which end your on. Yeah, intended... in more than one way. >;-) |
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10 Apr 11 - 05:38 PM (#3132624) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers Unfortunate. The young man is obviously possessed. I have written and asked Mr. Blunder if he might get a group together who would pray over this poor, unfortunate, soul all day and night for as long as it takes to awaken him and to set him upon the Right Path. I truly feel that this is a desperate case and calls for the most extreme measures to bring this soul to salvation. Indeed, some techniques used by the Papists in years past might well be applied here if all else fails. Rome might be the home of the Devil, but we can use some of the Devil's own methods to snatch souls from him. |
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10 Apr 11 - 05:43 PM (#3132630) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu "Rome might be the home of the Devil..." Yer goin ta hell Jimbob. |
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10 Apr 11 - 05:53 PM (#3132641) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk Oh, dear. It appears that some doctrinal differences are coming up here. |
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10 Apr 11 - 05:57 PM (#3132646) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Whats doctors got ta do with it? |
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10 Apr 11 - 06:01 PM (#3132651) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: JennieG Gnu, Officer Karen definitely! I'm sure she could show Shane a thing or two. Cheers JennieG |
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10 Apr 11 - 09:07 PM (#3132747) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu I wish she'd show me everything... I have had a crush on her since I saw her on TV the first time. Maybe that's why I was thinkin blonde and.... her. Sigh... I AM a dirty old man. But, for good reason. |
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10 Apr 11 - 09:07 PM (#3132748) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Brother Dismas Fiacre Jailed? Thrown in with criminals, as Our Lord was? Perhaps he will see the similarity and be humble enough to offer up his punishment. It will certainly shorten his time in Purgatory and, with true repentance (not the showy, false kind some preach) he can eventually join the Body of Christ and eventually sing praises 'round the Heavenly Throne. For there is room in God's love and mercy for all, even the Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers. I shall begin a novena for all involved: Mr. Blunder, Shane McBride, and the Rev. Staggers. |
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10 Apr 11 - 11:39 PM (#3132801) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Heavens to Betsy. The Catholics vs. the Evangelicals vs. Shame McBride. Place your bets now, folks, on the greatest race of this or any other century! Right now it's even odds, but just be patient! |
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11 Apr 11 - 01:37 AM (#3132818) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: JennieG Rev Jimmy Lee Staggers? is he the one whose wife was....er......with one of his male parishioners? or was he.....er.......with one of his female flock? I remember the scandal, not the participants. If such is the case, then who is he to cast the first stone at poor Shane? Cheers JennieG |
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11 Apr 11 - 06:06 AM (#3132900) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu But, is the stone loaded? According to Canuck law, it don't make no nevermind. |
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11 Apr 11 - 10:31 AM (#3133042) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee I'll do it. No problem. Just hand me that rock right over there and let's get started. |
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11 Apr 11 - 09:39 PM (#3133407) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Come to think about it, why do I care whether or not Shame is "saved"? He's a drunken fool of a moronic waste of good protoplasm and might well be the single reasons freds are thinking about putting this planet off-limits. He chose his life, has never shown any sign of attempting to better himself or pull himself up out of the gutter he sprawls in, and so why should anyone care about him is beyond me. Were he actually human I might feel otherwise, but he's never shown any signs of humanity. Forget about him, let him rot in a jail (or gaol) cell. |
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12 Apr 11 - 01:39 AM (#3133481) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Gurney Hand you the rock, Rap? And you wearing gloves? There may be greenies here, but are they THAT green? |
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12 Apr 11 - 01:47 AM (#3133483) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: JennieG I would be careful Rap......you never know what is going to crawl out from under that rock. Cheers JennieG |
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12 Apr 11 - 10:50 AM (#3133717) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee The worst that could crawl out from under any rock is in jail, being preached to in relays I guess. |
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12 Apr 11 - 02:04 PM (#3133831) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Relaygion? |
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12 Apr 11 - 02:59 PM (#3133869) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Yup. That old-time kind. They're probably about at the snake-handling stage by now. |
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12 Apr 11 - 03:39 PM (#3133898) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk Shane is an experienced snake handler...in a manner of speaking. |
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12 Apr 11 - 05:27 PM (#3133965) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu The one-eyed bedsnake? |
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13 Apr 11 - 10:39 AM (#3134358) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee I think that the question of his salvation can't be answered soon enough. Let's hang him and find out. |
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13 Apr 11 - 01:02 PM (#3134453) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk Hanging is illegal in Canada. Even in Shane's case. |
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13 Apr 11 - 01:32 PM (#3134472) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu "Hanging is illegal in Canada." So, 25 years without parole for first-degree stupidity. Whaddya get for being really really stupid? |
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13 Apr 11 - 02:09 PM (#3134499) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Don McBride Youse people ougtta show a little respect, eh? You might be in jail sometime too, ya never know. I got a message out fer the little brother in the Last Beer thread. Check it out and you will see that Shane is not layin' down and givin' up yet. - Don |
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13 Apr 11 - 06:17 PM (#3134666) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Shooting? Beheading? Poison gas? Electrocution? Drawing and quartering? Boiling? Burning alive? Peine forte et dure? Sawing in half? Throwing to the lions? Lethal injection? Radiation overdose? Carcinogens? Hardened arteries? Cirrhosis? Throwing him from a high place? Staked out on an ant hill? Old age? There has to be SOME legal way.... |
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13 Apr 11 - 09:18 PM (#3134766) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: frogprince Now, now, Rap; if you had a mangy, flea bitten dog, with horrible breath, and it kept humping your leg, and you couldn't get it pried off 'til it got your pants all messy, you might take it out and shoot it, but you know that, being a decent person, you wouldn't torture it to death. Surely Shane isn't that much worse than that. |
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13 Apr 11 - 09:40 PM (#3134780) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Bob the Postman We have yet to hear again from Rev. Blunder. I'm getting a bit worried about him. Is he okay? Is he out on the hustings? I hope he checks in soon. I need to know his address so I can send him some money. |
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13 Apr 11 - 09:59 PM (#3134783) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Sandy Mc Lean Sure Shane is in the crowbar hotel because he got caught but how many of you have done the same stupid things and have gotten away with it, under the influence of a drop or two? Is a love for Canadian beer a crime? Only if he was desperate and badly hungover would Shane bring his his lips to a bottle of Bud Light (unless it was free) so accept him as a man of principle even if his values differ from yours! Can people not be free enough in their thinking to accept that this was all intended as a joke? What have we become to be? |
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13 Apr 11 - 11:47 PM (#3134817) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Joseph Blunder Did someone mention money? Your dollars can do far more good if they are spent in the service of the Lord, and not on loose women, liquor, intoxicating drugs, empty entertainment, and other vile snares of Satan! If you send them to me, Joseph Blunder, Box 999, Massey, Ontario, I promise that every penny will go to do God's work! Don't hesitate! Send all you can! Give as Jesus gave, withholding nothing! Remember, "you can't take it with you". Meanwhile the struggle proceeds apace. All the demons of hell are opposing me in my crusade to rescue this unfortunate, deranged youth from his fallen state. Today he attempted to shake my faith by challenging Holy Writ and by bringing up vile and utterly false tales that have been spread about me by my political enemies and those in the service of the dark forces... I was in no wit dismayed. I sprinkled holy water upon him through the bars which caused him to recoil in horror and call me unspeakable names. I grow more and more convinced that this is a case of full-blown possession by none other than the ArchFiend Himself, Beelzebub!!! He has taken over this misguided youth and is using him to undo God's work! But he shall not succeed! I have a plan. As it is a secret plan, I can say no more. Pray for Shane! - Joseph Blunder, CHP of Canada |
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14 Apr 11 - 05:08 AM (#3134911) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu "I sprinkled holy water upon him through the bars which caused him to recoil in horror and call me unspeakable names." Was is still hot from boiling the hell out of it? "CHP" Chief Holy Person? |
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14 Apr 11 - 01:44 PM (#3135204) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Don McBride I been keepin' in touch with Shane. He is gettin' majerly pissed off at the fliphead Blunder. The boy is about to bust a blood vessel. Somethin' has gotta be done, and I guess that I will hafta do it. Blunder must be flippin' stopped! I tole Shane he could just get rid of Bludner by pretendin' to convert and sayin' he loves Jesus, but he won't do it. He is too proud. I understand how he feels. I wouldn't flippin' do it neither. There are times when a McBride has gotta stand up and show the world what he is flippin' MADE of and not give a flippin' INCH! - Don |
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14 Apr 11 - 02:55 PM (#3135251) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Amos LOL! Que c'est drole, cette histoire! A |
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14 Apr 11 - 03:03 PM (#3135257) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu When do they haybe his corpses? |
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14 Apr 11 - 03:04 PM (#3135259) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Bob the Postman Thank the Deity that Rev. Blunder is alive and well. My cheque is in the mail. (I believe that "CHP" stands for "Candidate for the House of Parliament". I'm sure that all Mudcatters join with me in wishing him every success in the upcoming election.) |
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14 Apr 11 - 05:02 PM (#3135348) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers Bless you, Mr. Blunder, for the good work you are doing! Keep it up and your reward will be richer for it. I have added you to the prayer circles of one hundred and seventy churches throughout the United States and Canada. If there is any spiritual assistance we can give please let me know. |
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14 Apr 11 - 09:35 PM (#3135498) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Joseph Blunder Thank you, Jimmy Lee! That means a lot to me. I do need your prayers and those of your people, because the legions of Satan appear to be gathering against me. I arrived home tonight and I got 4 flat tires when I pulled into my own driveway! It turns out that some miscreant put a device across the driveway with many sharp points on it and it pierced all 4 tires as I drove across it. I then found that one of my windows was broken. I feared that the house had been broken into, but this was not the case. When I tried to get inside, my hand got stuck to the front doorknob! Someone had apparently smeared fast-acting crazy glue all over it. The police say it must have been done just before I arrived home, because otherwise the glue would already have hardened. Whoever did it must have been watching from the bushes! Eventually I managed to painfully pry my fingers from the doorknob and I got in. Inside my living room I found a brick amongst the shards of glass from the broken window. Tied to the brick was a crudely written note that read: "LAY OFF SHANE McBRIDE OR YOU WILL BE SORRY!!! THIS IS NOT A FLIPPIN' JOKE!" I have called the police, needless to say, and they are intent on catching the perpetrators whose immortal souls I will pray for this very night in the spirit of forgiveness. And tomorrow I will purchase or rent a guard dog, preferably a large and fierce Doberman. - Joseph Blunder |
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14 Apr 11 - 09:41 PM (#3135504) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Hey, Joe. Obviously that stuff was done by one of Shame's friends, only he doesn't have any. |
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15 Apr 11 - 10:59 AM (#3135754) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee I'm starting the International Agency To Declare Shame McBride A Crime Against Humanity And Execute Him Like They Did At Nuremberg To Those Nazis (IATDSMACAHAEHLTDANTTN, pronounced just the way it's spelled). All contributions are gratefully accepted. |
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15 Apr 11 - 11:49 AM (#3135786) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Bob the Postman Brother Rapparee, I'm sure that Rev. Blunder would join his mighty voice with mine in urging you to open your heart to Brother McBride and, if you can't find it within yourself to turn the other cheek to him (for, verily, he hath smitten you, as he hath smitten all of society with his heedless ways), at least acknowlege that you and he are both alike condemned sinners who absent the Saving Grace will surely burn in hell for all eternity. After all, who among us has not staggered out of the beer parlour at one in the morning and, having stolen someone's F150, careened down some northern Ontario highway in search of an attractive barnyard animal with which to copulate, only to wind up in the hoosegow after violently assaulting the paramedics who were attempting to administer aid following the unfortunate incident with the plate glass window of the Royal Bank of Canada on Main Street. |
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15 Apr 11 - 01:03 PM (#3135818) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Bob... Dale here. It was the CIBC and it was MY truck and I backed into it and I apologized... to God as I was drivin away. It was an accident, really and for truly, honest. I hate that fuckin bank. Soon as Johnny's insurace claim comes in I am gonna borrow the money to pay off the truck and then it's fuck them eh. Guess I'd better vamoose on accounta gnu will be back from tirin out his mum at the grocery stores soon and he's outta beer. Ten pounds a moose burger otta cover the beer eh? |
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15 Apr 11 - 02:09 PM (#3135856) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Don McBride I had a visit here from the OPP, eh? Officer Dana and Officer Walsh. They seem to think I mighta had somethin' to do with some stuff that happened over at Joe Blunder's place last night. Imagine that. Well, I told 'em I was with my buddies...Lannie and Doug and Grunt (that is a nickname...his real name is Alisdair, but he don't like people to use it, eh?). Anyways, we was together all night over to Lannie's place drinkin' beer and watchin' TV. That is what I tole the cops. And of course it is true. No word of a lie, eh? They was skepticle, eh? They went on and on beatin' the dead horse around for, like, 2 flippin' hours, and I just kept tellin' 'em the same thing. So finally they went away, but they say they will probally be back to talk to me again after they check things out with the other guys. Gosh, what a shame that someone messed up Blunder's place and give him 4 flat tires and a busted window! What kind of person would do that? It makes ya wonder, don't it? The trick with the crazy glue was pretty mean too. Musta been some crazy crack addicts, that's what I figger. Or maybe it was the Cathlics, cos they don't like Bludner's church much. It could be a relijius war that is gettin' started here. I hope not. Them relijius wars can go on just about forever and can tear a flippin' commyunity apart. So I sure hope it is not that. - Don |
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15 Apr 11 - 02:20 PM (#3135862) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Twarnt no Catlics. If Catlics come a callin they ain't usin no crazy glue and only after tires. They come in the knights eh. Musta been some amateur. An that won't scare the rev on accounta them kinda preachers is just screachers what are so full a holy they think they are bullet proof with Himself on their side. I gotta hit the powerhouse and get some beers to go along with the BBQd mooooze burgers. I coulda swore I had lots a beer. Dale musta took some with on accounta if he drank the fridge dry he'd still be here. Later dudes and dudettes. |
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15 Apr 11 - 03:52 PM (#3135913) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Talk about luck eh? I was almost up ta the powerhouse an I see the red and blues a flashin. I thought I'd hafta duck up a side street but then I seen the yella stripes got a truck pulled over so I went by slow an it was Dale's truck. He saw me an started pointin at me but the traffic was so backed up I knew the Mounted couldn't get mounted so I just tooled on up ta the powerhouse, got me beer an picked me way home on the back streets. When I got home there was a message flashin on tha answerin machine and I checked the number on the display an it was Dale. I figger he's in shit with the Royally Mounted. I gotta go start the BBQ. Might call him later. I wonder how much The Rev charges for bighouse calls. Maybe there's a franchise opportunity in this on accounta there are a lotta rednecks round here just like in Uppity Canada with tha likes a Shane. |
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15 Apr 11 - 05:24 PM (#3135979) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Don McBride The cops been talkin' to Doug and Lannie. Alls they got was our story which is as flippin' air tight as a 30 year old virgin. They could not find Grunt. He must of gone fishin'. I expeckt I will be seein' Officer Dana again soon, which is okay. I like givin' her the eye, cos it pisses her off when I do that. The only trouble with her is she thinks that uniform makes her like the third flippin' rail on the 'lectric train. Untouchable. Shane has had the hots for her for like forever...but there ain't no point. He might as well dream about flyin' to the moon. Same flippin' chance of success, eh? I guess maybe Shane got a break today, cos I can't see how Blunder is gonna drive to the lockup when he's got 4 flat tires! ;-) - Don |
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15 Apr 11 - 09:20 PM (#3136089) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee I'm sure he can get a ride from one of his followers. Maybe Shame had TWO people prayin' at him today. Maybe there'll be three tomorrow. And remember, Easter is coming. That's always good for holy rollin'. Wow...maybe they'll crucify Shame on Friday! |
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16 Apr 11 - 05:50 AM (#3136215) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Great Friday? |
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16 Apr 11 - 02:50 PM (#3136451) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu If he's still in gaol tomorrow it'll defintely be Palm Sunday for him. |
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16 Apr 11 - 06:05 PM (#3136563) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee I wonder if he still likes girls? |
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16 Apr 11 - 07:49 PM (#3136624) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Of course he still likes girls. Just ain't gonna be any tail for him in gaol. Gonna be on palm pilot for a while. |
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17 Apr 11 - 09:13 AM (#3136817) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers It is the week Our Lord suffered at the hands of the Jews and the Romans. Let this Shane McBride suffer, so that he will turn to the Lord with a humble and contrite heart, knowing in some small way what the Lord suffered for the salvation of swinish sinners like Shane McBride. |
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17 Apr 11 - 11:42 AM (#3136867) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk There's an inspiring thought. ;-) Yes, let's hope that his incredible suffering causes him to gnash his teeth, tear at his hair, etc. Anyone got sackcloth and ashes to send to Shane? |
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17 Apr 11 - 05:56 PM (#3137068) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Rapparee I'm sure I can dig up some ashes somewhere. They'll probably even still be hot. Give him a taste of what he's in for, eh? |
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18 Apr 11 - 10:53 AM (#3137409) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee The "The Salvation of Shane McBride" anything like "The Cremation of Sam Magee"? There are strange things done in the Midnight Sun By the men who drink cheap beer And the Arctic trails have their secret tails That would cause a monk to leer. The Northern Lights have seen strange sights But they laughed until they cried That day in the hole of the Blind River gaol When they salvated Shame McBride.... |
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18 Apr 11 - 02:51 PM (#3137588) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk Good start! Let's have some more verses. ;-) Amos? |
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18 Apr 11 - 03:05 PM (#3137599) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu You should write some LH... you know Shane better than anyone else. |
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19 Apr 11 - 10:32 AM (#3138220) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Now Shame McBride lived at Horton's place Where the service's bad and slow Why he left his home bar stool to roam 'Round a bank, God only knows! He was likely drunk and smelled like a skunk That had lain dead in the road a bit Tho' he'd often say, in his homely way, That he'd sooner "smell like s**t." |
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19 Apr 11 - 10:43 AM (#3138224) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Amos The Blind River dump has it share of chumps And nerdly, low-life dorks Men who dress like bums and use their thumbs As a sort of back-door cork. They are known as the worst of the Canuck kind, The dregs of the Great Outside. But the worst of the scum, with the longest thumb Was that wanker, Shane McBride. |
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19 Apr 11 - 01:56 PM (#3138339) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk Brilliant!!! ;-) Amos, you have risen once again to the apogee of the craft. Good stuff from Monsieur Rapparee as well! Ah, yes, "The Salvation of Shane McBride" promises to be a true epic. Gentlemen, you may yet win the Order of Canada if you can stretch this out to 15 or 20 verses. |
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19 Apr 11 - 03:36 PM (#3138393) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu The Order of Canada... a large double-double and a box a bits? That's what Jesus would order up ta Hortons eh. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. |
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19 Apr 11 - 06:02 PM (#3138480) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: josepp ///He followed that with some filthy song about a young women, the words of which are so dreadful and obscene that I dare not repeat them//// Aw, come on! |
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19 Apr 11 - 07:04 PM (#3138513) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk My guess is that you have already heard that song many times in your youth, Josepp. Just think back to your junior high school days... |
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19 Apr 11 - 07:18 PM (#3138517) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Amos When the williwaw blows the river down And the land is white and frozen This fool at Horton's will be found Bumming smokes, and dozin' No industry in his feeble brain, Nor virtue in his heart, His sullen mind knows only beer, And food, and sex, and farts. His fingers stained with nicotine Show nary a worker's callous And the only work he puts them to Is a gesture like a phallus. He does not speak except to sneer, Nor think except to mutter; His life belongs nowhere but here, Blind River's foulest gutter. Say then a prayer for Shane McBride And dance a blessing-dance, For his mind will never change as long As he keeps it in his pants. |
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19 Apr 11 - 07:43 PM (#3138531) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk Whoo-eee!!! Your knowledge of the inner workings of Shane's consciousness (such as it is) is acute, Amos. It's true that his mind is in his pants. And in his stomach. And in the pants of any nearby female. That's a lot for a mind as tiny as Shane's to grapple with all at the same time! No wonder he gets fatigued sometimes and falls into unfortunate lapses of good judgement, such as robbing a bank as an April Fools joke. The cops are running a pool on whether Shane or the preacher will give out first. Odds are five to one that Shane will outlast the preacher. After all, Blunder has a hopeless election campaign that he must attend to losing while Shane has 3 free meals a day and all the time in the world. Execution by being tossed into a beaver pit has long been discontinued in the Frozen North. But...some fear that it might be re-instated if Stephen Harper (our Conservative P.M.) wins a majority this time! THEN Shane will know the meaning of fear!!! Harper wants to turn Canada into Texas North. |
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19 Apr 11 - 07:52 PM (#3138534) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Stephen Harper minds me of an evil beaver with that smirking smile... his teeth showing just how much he will gnaw at the butt of Canada and fell it for corporations to feast on the branches and strip the forest bare. Dam Stevie 1. I certainly hope his house gets dynamited in the election. |
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19 Apr 11 - 09:12 PM (#3138587) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk Me too. |
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19 Apr 11 - 09:21 PM (#3138591) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee I remember that night by the single light With the guards gathered 'round in a ring Training with batons on Shame's foul bottom As outside a buzzard sing. He says to me, "Well, Rap," says he, "I forgot what I was going to say," But if I do I hope that you Will not forget someday." Well he was the lowest of the low And I couldn't say "No" And neither could I say "Yes" So I did my part With an answering fart Which relieved my great distress. |
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20 Apr 11 - 05:57 PM (#3139267) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River That is the stoopidest flippin' pome I ever seen in my life. You are a flippin' idiot Rapparee. That's right...a idiot! You hearn it right hear and strait from the hoarses mouth. I been moved to a nuther fasilitee, eh? They desided that their was no flippin' need to keep me in the hole I was in. They said I was not smart enuff to be dnagerous so it was okay to move me and I am in a low securyity place that has a liberry fer the prisners and I can go thair at least ones a day. But I cannot get to no dirty videos or nothin' cos the compyuters won't 'low it! What a flippin' waste of good compyutin' harweware! Anyways, I am here at last to tell you that you are a flippin' waste of space and lower than a snake's ass! Good news! The fliphead Blunder ain't got permishun yet to visit me in the new lockup. A day withuot Blunder is like a day without crabs, know'm sayin'? That guy is worser than a flippin' toothacke. I hope he gets runned over by a flippin' truck while he is out kampainin'. Officer Dana says that the cops who bet on me have won the pool cos I lasted until the move. They are selebratin'. That is my job, man. I make cops happy and I give 'em stuff to look forwerd to, eh? What a sorry flippin' fate! But it is better than havin' to be a biscycle seat on the Boston men's psyckle team anyways, so I ain't complainin'. - Shane |
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20 Apr 11 - 10:11 PM (#3139388) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Shame, being called an "idiot" by you is like being called a "poet" by William Topaz McGonagall. In both cases it becomes a compliment because neither knows what their talking about. I'm sorry I disappoint you with my poetry because now I have to have you killed, and that always distresses me. Here's a picture of the guy who will do the "wet work" -- he was, of course, on another job when the picture was made. Don't worry though...you won't see him, but you will know it as your life slowly and painfully drains away. Perhaps you should have listened to Mr. Blunder after all....hahahahaha! |
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21 Apr 11 - 10:35 AM (#3139680) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee You know, Shame, I don't think I will have you killed after all. Instead, I'll tell Don about you stealing his beer, rent money, and dope as well as hittin' on his girlfriends. Then I'll tell Officer Dana about that...well, you know what. That thing in Sudbury with the Piglet and Winnie-the-Pooh dolls and the raw clams. You remember, I'm sure. I'm not sure even God can forgive that one. |
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21 Apr 11 - 01:09 PM (#3139754) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Clams? Not oysters? THAT is fuckin sick man! |
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21 Apr 11 - 02:47 PM (#3139812) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Gnu, we ARE talking about Shame McBride here you know. There is no depravity to which he would not stoop, no filth and slime in which he would not roll like a hound in a week-old gut pile. It has been verified that the stink of his breath knocks unconscious buzzards on a night soil wagon and his shoes and socks run away and cringe lest they be put on his feet. His skin is so foul and cratered that his pictures are often mistaken as lunar terrain and light shines from one earhole to the other (when the dirt allows it). He's been banned from swimming the Blind River sewage lagoons because he pollutes the water, and because of him alone every day in Blind River is an air pollution alert day. Where he walks grass never again grows, but foot fungus becomes rampant. What he does in private is actually of no concern of mine, but that thing with Pooh, Piglet and the clams went beyond all previous measures of indecency and sank him to a low not even achieved by Pope Alexander VI or Caligula. |
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21 Apr 11 - 02:51 PM (#3139813) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Gee... Big Hat Al and Cal were bad dudes. Shane must be a real reproBATER! |
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21 Apr 11 - 03:28 PM (#3139833) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee He's a master at it. |
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21 Apr 11 - 04:41 PM (#3139875) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Amos Now there's many a misguided Canuck lad Has spent a night in a jail, WHen he's guzzled down too much Beaver Beer, Intent on chasing tail. But boys are boys, as the saying goes, And mostly, they grow upper. They learn what's their and what is not, And to wash their mitts for supper. But Shane was not the learning kind Growing up was not his way, And when he did time, for his petty crimes, Unrepentant he did stay. He retained his sneer, and his crude veneer Of long-haired, foolish punk, And the judge grew tired of seeing him And his dumb rebellious junk. So the judge decided he's had enough And he looked at the punk with a frown. "Six months at hard in the breaker's yard!" And he brought that hammer down. So Shane's gone down; and the girls in town Don't miss him at all, as yet. They're glad to be shut of his groping hands ANd a leer they can't forget. And his friends don't notice he's not around (Except them he owes money to); And the town seems just a tad better off With Shane McBride in stew. And if the day comes when the boy gets out, And shows up once more, why, then Most likely they town will break out in signs That say "Send him back again!" Oh, you can talk of your rough-cut breed And of punks with their hair cut wide But there's no dumb fuck half as out of luck As that asshole, Shane McBride. |
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21 Apr 11 - 07:07 PM (#3139977) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Don McBride Holy FLIP, Amos!!! That is FLIPPIN' GOOD, man! ROTFLMAO!!!!!!! Jeezus, you got a gift with words. I am gonna get a printout of that and put it up at the Iron Horse and over to Tim Hortons and maybe in the Post Office too. Har! Har! Har! Oh, man, I am dyin' here! And so is the girlfreind. Word is that Shane will be in the joint fer a fair whiles this time, but they flippin' moved him to the low security pen. That's good. They say they are gonna give him vohcational trainin' so's he can learnd a trade! These people are Opotmeritists, eh? I wish them LUCK!!! Har! Har! Har! The only flippin' trade Shane is innerested in is to be a marrywana grow-op manager...or maybe a porn actor. The money I collected to get Shane out ain't near enuff so we are gonna use it instead to have a party in his honer and at least recoup some of the hundreds of beer and smokes he stole and bummed offa me and everyone we know in the last year or 2. I am not worried about the boy now. Jail is like a second home to him, eh? He will do good there. - Don |
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21 Apr 11 - 08:21 PM (#3140008) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Ed T ""What's for eats?"" ""A two day old coyote."" ""Yuk, you have anything better than that?"" ""It's better than a three day old coyote."" |
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21 Apr 11 - 08:45 PM (#3140027) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers I am certain that all of us, especially Mr. Blunder, are greatly saddened by the move of Shane McBride from the Blind River gaol. I have been in contact with Mr. Blunder and we will, together, see if we can persuade the authorities to allow our evangelisation to continue. The McBride boy can still be Brought Home, for no matter what Mr. Rapparee thinks there are no unforgivable sins -- God has room for all. |
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21 Apr 11 - 11:26 PM (#3140089) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Rev, believe me: what Shame McBride did might perhaps maybe be forgiven by a Very Merciful God after a very, very long penance which included self-flagellation, a life of groveling poverty and extreme chastity, of living in the desert alone and sleeping on a bed of thorns while living only on what dead animals and the foulest water he could find. His...crime against Heaven and Nature...cries out from the Earth for vengeance and atonement. I can't even describe it, it haunts the lives and dreams of the few who are strong enough to carry the knowledge of it. If you knew what he has done -- worse than raping the Holy Virgin Mary! -- you too would agree that his salvation is highly improbable. |
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22 Apr 11 - 01:01 PM (#3140423) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River My salivation ain't none of yer business, fliphead! I see I been betraiyed! My own flippin' blood has flippin' turned agenst me cos Don is usin' my bale money to, like, have a PARTY!!! And he is laffin' at that insult pome that the fliphead Amos rote about me! He is puttin' coppies of it up arownd the town too, eh? That is the worst flippin' cut of ALL! I am gonna kill him when I get outta here. There will be blood! - Shane |
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22 Apr 11 - 11:26 PM (#3140810) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Uh-oh. That's both assault and a threat to murder someone! The last one is a felony! Boy, is Shame gonna be in the cooler for a loooooooooooooooooong time now! Just forget about girls, because when YOU get out a) you won't like them anymore and b) you'll be too old to do anything about even if you did. Better make nice to some of the guys you're in there with.... |
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23 Apr 11 - 08:06 AM (#3140978) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Don McBride Not to worry, eh? The boy don't mean half of what he says. Anyways, he is probally best off in the joint fer awhile, cos now he will eat 3 meals a day proper and get more helthy, eh? In the meantime it is amazin' how much longer a 2-4 of beer is lastin' here! Flippin' amazin'. How about that, eh? And I seem to be buyin' less smokes too. The people at Timmies are gettin' used to the fact that Shane ain't arowned now. They were askin' where he was fer awhile when I pull in for coffee and a donut, but not now. I put up that pome Amos wrote at the Iron Horse and people were fallin' on the floor laffin' over it. It is on the Wall of Fame over by the bar and I put a picther of Shane up above it wearin' his "I'm with the IDIOT ------->" hat and the T-shirt that says "FREE SEX - Apply Below" with a arrow pointin' down at his crotch. What I am thinkin' to do now is raise money to KEEP him in jail! Killer idea, eh? I figger people will contribute big bucks to that flippin' cawse and I can maybe retire on it soon. - Don |
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23 Apr 11 - 06:56 PM (#3141334) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee He got them arrows mixed up again, didn't he? |
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23 Apr 11 - 07:39 PM (#3141346) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Don McBride Let's get straight to the point, man. How much money are you willin' to send to help keep my little brother in jail? Remember, you will be helpin' to clean up society by doin' this. Give generusly! - Don |
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23 Apr 11 - 07:50 PM (#3141349) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu I'm tapped out. I gave all of my pocket change to the Sea Cadets today at the liquor store. Odd... the young lass said, "Thank you" and I said, "Thank YOU." I was met with odd stares from the cadets and their parents??? Was it not obvious what I was "saying"? |
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23 Apr 11 - 10:42 PM (#3141418) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee I have already sent all of my money to the Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers in the probably futile hope that he can arrange for the salivation of Shame McBride. There's a fund set up for that purpose. |
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23 Apr 11 - 11:11 PM (#3141425) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Don McBride You have got to be kiddin' me! What a flippin' waste! He will just spend all the money on whores and hard liquor. I know what them holy rollers are really like. - Don |
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24 Apr 11 - 10:51 PM (#3141957) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Some of them spend it on young men and dope.... |
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25 Apr 11 - 07:17 PM (#3142294) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Do you think Shame is getting enough to eat, or is this thread going to change to "The Starvation of Shame McBride"? |
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26 Apr 11 - 12:24 AM (#3142413) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk I think the food in the Sudbury Jail is adequate...if a bit uninspiring. |
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26 Apr 11 - 03:57 PM (#3142887) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers I shall be leading a Salvation March to the Sudbury gaol this Saturday evening. We shall kneel outside and pray for all prisoners there, especially Shane McBride. We shall continue this until dawn on Monday, hoping that Salvation will come with the New Dawn for all imprisoned there. All who are saved are invited, and those who have not yet recognized Their Saviour may wish to also attend. |
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26 Apr 11 - 04:00 PM (#3142891) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Can I bring my shinpads even if they have a Habs logo? |
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26 Apr 11 - 04:47 PM (#3142926) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk An occasion NOT to be missed!!! This ranks right up there with the Royal Wedding! |
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26 Apr 11 - 04:59 PM (#3142935) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Of course, I really wouldn't give a nickel to be in Sudbury. |
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26 Apr 11 - 05:04 PM (#3142938) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk I can think of one or two places I'd rather be.... |
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26 Apr 11 - 05:10 PM (#3142945) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Big nickel. |
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26 Apr 11 - 11:11 PM (#3143121) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: frogprince Woweeee! (Is there any actual evidence that anyone has ever gone out of there way by 20 feet to see that?) |
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27 Apr 11 - 01:20 AM (#3143143) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk I sure don't know anyone who has. |
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13 Jul 11 - 10:05 PM (#3187159) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Bob the Postman In his post of 13 Apr 11 11:47 PM, Reverend Blunder ask us to aid his ministry by sending financial contributions to a post office box in Massey, Ontario. Accordingly, I wrote out a cheque and sent it along with a covering letter. I was hoping to receive a vial of sacred annointing oil or perhaps a sanctified prayer cloth by way of acknowledgment and over the long months of waiting I have continued to invoke the blessing of the almighty on Rev. Blunder and his works. But today, sadly, my letter to him was returned, marked "Unknown". The envelope, which had been resealed with scotch tape, contained the cover letter BUT NOT THE CHEQUE. I can only hope that divine providence will move in mysterious ways to deliver the funds to Reverend Blunder, since Canada Post has once more proved itself a witting tool of Moloch the Destroyer of Souls, and, believe me, I should know. |
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13 Jul 11 - 10:38 PM (#3187169) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk That's for damn sure. A whole bunch of payments from the USA have failed to arrive here, again courtesy of Canada Post. As for Shane, he's back out of jail. Reverend Blunder's program failed to have any salutary effect on him. He remains unconverted, unrepentant, and damned. Don's beer continues to vanish as fast as it is replaced. |
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13 Jul 11 - 11:00 PM (#3187174) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Amos Sigh., Just such unwholesome figments, Little Hawk!! Really!! |
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13 Jul 11 - 11:28 PM (#3187182) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee I understand from certain friends of mine Up North that he picked up a case of...ah..."social disease" while in durance vile. |
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13 Jul 11 - 11:46 PM (#3187187) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Sandy Mc Lean .................and that ain't nothing to "clap" about either! Poor Shane! |
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14 Jul 11 - 03:43 AM (#3187215) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Gurney You lot obviously missed the fact that Shane is in good spirits and has contributed to the car visibility thread. Unless that was Max's hacker? Naah. That spelling was pure McBride. |
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14 Jul 11 - 09:24 AM (#3187419) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk Shane is indeed back "on the street" and hale and happy as I type these words. He is drinking Don's beer, harassing local girls, bumming cigarettes, offending without knowing, and just being Shane...the one thing he really knows how to do. His erstwhile compadres, the Ontario Provincial Police, are eyeing his activities with amused detachment and a degree of tolerance. They know that he is essentially harmless. They will slap his wrist if they must, but only if it's absolutely necessary. After all, there are more serious threats to society than Shane out there to deal with, right? |
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14 Jul 11 - 10:23 AM (#3187450) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee The rot starts at the bottom. If something isn't done soon, I greatly fear that Shame McBride will go on a beer-swilling chain-saw massacre, dismembering ten, if not hundreds, of his fellow Blind River dwellers before he is shot down in a hail of bullets by the OPP, deluding at first by thinking it was just another of his "harmless" pranks. Then everyone will say, "He was a good guy, just misunderstood" and "If he'd only drunk Blue this wouldn't have happened" and similar nonsense. I say, take him out NOW before the worst happens! Pre-emptive imprisonment, in life-time solitary, is the only answer to such a societal threat as Shame McBride. |
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14 Jul 11 - 03:23 PM (#3187634) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Little Hawk He does drink Blue whenever he can get it, and it seems to make little difference. He has also drunk himself blue on a number of occasions, but he always recovers within 24 hours. |
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14 Jul 11 - 03:39 PM (#3187650) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River This town don't tollarate flipheads like you, Rapairee. You are like a dead dog layin' in the street...nobody flippin' wants to touch it! I am advisin' you to flippin' lay off with all theese bad flippin' commints that are bein' direcked towards me! It ain't yer flippin' place to judge ME, eh? You aint' got the flippin' kredenchails to do that. You count fer nothin' around here whiles I am a big wheel in this town, so FLIP OFF!!! - Shane |
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14 Jul 11 - 04:41 PM (#3187693) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Yes indeed, a Big Wheel: going in a circle from Tim's to begging butts to stealing Don's beer to begging butts to urinating in public to jail to Tim's.... You should come visit sometime and I'll let you be a Big Wheel at Legion Hovel; Snaggle likes Big Wheels because he likes to "make their bones square hyuck hyuck". |
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14 Jul 11 - 04:43 PM (#3187695) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: gnu Youse know what dogs do to big wheels eh? |
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14 Jul 11 - 04:51 PM (#3187704) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Don't flippin' test me, man! - Shane |
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14 Jul 11 - 07:17 PM (#3187850) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee It's okay, Shame. You haven't passed any test except the one for having VD and you certainly won't start now. |
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14 Jul 11 - 07:18 PM (#3187852) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Amos A Big Wheel, where I come from, a-hole, is a cheap blow-molded plastic imitation tricycle meant for small brats and chimpanzees to pee on. Sounds a lot like you. |
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14 Jul 11 - 10:42 PM (#3187961) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: Rapparee Besides, Shame might have had testers in the past, but he ain't got much in the way of testees. |
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14 Jul 11 - 11:23 PM (#3187975) Subject: RE: BS: The Salvation of Shane McBride From: GUEST,Don McBride This is pretty good! You are gettin' the boy so flippin' upset that he is chargin' arownd the place, rantin' and ravin', and forgettin' to steal my smokes and drink my beer, eh? Keep it up! (And if ya can't keep it up, I got some stuff here that will help, and I'm sellin' it cheap, eh?) - Don |
