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05 Dec 11 - 04:48 PM (#3268938) Subject: BS: Strange things people have said From: Ed T Things that street people said to you that struck a note, humourous or otherwise: The idea of this thread came from a short topic on a chat board "Strange things homeless people have said to me" While people who some call "street people" are a good source of humerous, inspirational and thought provoking statements, why limit it to these folks? Here is one example of a contribution from the above mentioned chat board: ""A few years back, I was sitting at the bus stop bawling my eyes out over something or other - I was a very miserable teenager, but I'm feeling much better now, thanks. A middle-aged man with too many hats came up to me, bummed a cigarette, and said "Don't worry. The more you cry, the less you have to pee. Sound advice, that"". from raina Here is another: ""A homeless fellow approached me while I was standing at the bus-stop and said: "Sugar in the morning, sugar in the evening, sugar all day long. You know that's an old song, and I never quite knew what it ment, but I know one thing, the guy who wrote it, he's gots to be in love!" Somehow that affected me profoundly. He didn't ask for money or a smoke, and after he just smiled at me, I couldn't help but smile back."" from LordOmar Here are two from me: A street person approached me and said ""Could you give me $5.00 for a coffee?"" I said, ""but a coffee is onlty $1.50"". He replied ""I am not cheap, I like to give a good tip."" Another street person approached me, showing me a poem, which he claimed was original work. He said, ""if you give me your address, your birthday and $12.50, I will write you a poem, and send it to you for your birthday. The price includes postage and handling, he explained."" Any to contribute? |
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05 Dec 11 - 05:13 PM (#3268952) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: frogprince Addressed to myself and a small group of fellow students as we were waiting at a bus stop: "I once swam from Alaska to Siberia, in 3 days and 27 hours, swimming on my back like a whale." |
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05 Dec 11 - 05:39 PM (#3268959) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Joe_F "The more you cry, the less you'll piss" is an old taunt; I am pretty sure it is in the 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue, but I can't find it there at the moment. The one about the arrogant beggar belongs to a genre of such jokes that is a Jewish specialty. For example, the householder says to the beggar, "I don't have a cent in the house; come back tomorrow", and he replies "Ah, my friend, if only you knew what a fortune I have lost by giving credit!" |
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05 Dec 11 - 05:46 PM (#3268961) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Rapparee From the libraries: "I'm looking for a book." "Fiction or nonfiction...is there another choice?" "Do you have any books?" These are, as librarians will testify, all too true. |
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05 Dec 11 - 06:19 PM (#3268978) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Bill D "Talkin' John", an old carpenter I worked with 40 years ago used to say, "Don't do TOO good a job. Folks will begin to expect it." He followed his own advice. An old guy who owned a business where I worked 35 years ago got a complaint that a car had hit a deep hole in a gravel/dirt road leaving his parking lot. He told a worker, "Go fill that hole with dirt!" The guy replied "But....that hole's full of water; it will just turn to mud!" The boss answered: "Well... at least there'll be mud!" |
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05 Dec 11 - 06:24 PM (#3268984) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Bill D Oh... the same guy who was supposed to fill the hole once came out of a building after a particularly tedious day with both bosses and customers and, rolling his eyes and raising his arms in a theatrical gesture, intoned..."Sometimes, whole villages go crazy!" |
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05 Dec 11 - 06:25 PM (#3268985) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Little Hawk Just look up almost anything Rapparee has posted on the Mother of All BS Threads in the past five years or so... ;-D |
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05 Dec 11 - 07:41 PM (#3269023) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Lighter Try this site: http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/ Hours of fun. |
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05 Dec 11 - 08:21 PM (#3269031) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: GUEST,999 I found this on the www and felt it too good not to pass along: "Overheard, in the Supermarket Mum, to small boy: We're having cheese sandwiches for lunch. Boy: I don't like cheese. Mum: You do like cheese. Boy: I don't. Mum: You like cheese on pizza! Boy: That's not cheese, that's pizza. Mum (exasperated): It's the same… oh, well, what do you want in your sandwich then? Boy: Pizza. You can't fault his logic." |
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06 Dec 11 - 06:59 AM (#3269191) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: GUEST,Patsy When I was small and my grandfather was caught napping he would say that he wasn't really sleeping, just resting his eyes. I believed him too. |
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06 Dec 11 - 07:21 AM (#3269204) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: banjoman Many years ago while rushing to catch a train in Wexford I asked a Station porter when the train for Dublin was due. He replied " About ten minutes but if you had been any earlier you'd have missed it" My Mum's favourite was "Get me some steel wool and I'll knit you a kettle" |
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06 Dec 11 - 02:10 PM (#3269387) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: GUEST,Eliza I worked as a Relief Auxillary Nurse in the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary when a student in the sixties. I whizzed about trying to do my best. The ward cleaner said "Dinnae knock yer pan in, hain!" (Don't wear yourself out) My husband wore his best African outfit to a Morris dance festival, the Potty Festival in Sheringham, Norfolk. A passing pair of aggressive-looking young lads gazed at his get-up, then one said in an awestruck voice, "LOVE the threads, man!" |
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06 Dec 11 - 06:41 PM (#3269508) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Ed T "" I was coming out of a restaurant with a take out meal. A street person came up and asked me for change. I have a hot meal you can have, I said, it's fried Chicken. He shook his head in refusal, saying "No, thanks, I'm a vegetarian" Are you sure, I said? OK, I'll be honest, I want the money to buy beer, he replied."" |
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07 Dec 11 - 08:32 AM (#3269776) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: DMcG A boss once rang another company and asked whether Mr J- was in. "Not as such" came the reply. We've never quite decided what that meant. |
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07 Dec 11 - 01:02 PM (#3269916) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Little Hawk Maybe he was in a sleep-induced coma at the time? |
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07 Dec 11 - 02:50 PM (#3269962) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Jim Dixon "Not as such" – I'd take that to mean the speaker had no idea where Mr. J was. I used to work for a man who had a bad habit of disappearing, usually on a sales call, without telling anyone where he was going or for how long. It's not that he was trying to pull a fast one--he was a hard worker. He just couldn't get it through his skull that it was embarrassing for us when people would call and ask for him and we had no idea what to tell them. He was the owner of the company, by the way. |
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07 Dec 11 - 03:35 PM (#3269999) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: DMcG Maybe, but wouldn't "I'm sorry he's not available at the moment" cover that? Whatever the situation, neither that, nor yes, nor no seemed to express what they wanted to say. My vote is that Mr J- had just announced that from now on he wanted to known as Miss Helen J- ! |
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07 Dec 11 - 03:53 PM (#3270015) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Bert ..."Not as such" came the reply... That meant he was on the pot! |
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07 Dec 11 - 04:01 PM (#3270020) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity In Obama's speech yesterday, he attempted to blame the internet, and ATM's for our country's woes!...Jeez-Louise!...MORON!!!! gFs |
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07 Dec 11 - 05:30 PM (#3270086) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Jeri GfA said "In Obama's speech yesterday, he attempted to blame the internet, and ATM's for our country's woes!...Jeez-Louise!...MORON!!!!" when what Obama actually said was: Factories where people thought they would retire suddenly picked up and went overseas, where workers were cheaper. Steel mills that needed 100 -- or 1,000 employees are now able to do the same work with 100 employees, so layoffs too often became permanent, not just a temporary part of the business cycle. And these changes didn't just affect blue-collar workers. If you were a bank teller or a phone operator or a travel agent, you saw many in your profession replaced by ATMs and the Internet.Comprehension problems? Maybe. Error in judgement to believe other people are more clueless than thou? Definitely. |
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07 Dec 11 - 06:10 PM (#3270115) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Context would be interesting, wouldn't it?..Read the rest! Oh, and if that is what Obama said, and meant..Why did he appoint Jeff Immelt 'job czar'....and then Jeff takes $500,000 to China to start jobs??..AFTER he paid NO taxes on his company?????????? Spin that! GfS |
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07 Dec 11 - 06:30 PM (#3270128) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Little Hawk Even Shane thinks that other people are more clueless than himself. It's an almost universal human conceit. |
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07 Dec 11 - 09:33 PM (#3270199) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Elmore Guy walked up to me, said he hadn't had a bite in a week, so I bit him. |
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07 Dec 11 - 09:48 PM (#3270203) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Ed T I was sitting on a bench waiting on a bus next to street person who had just finished rooting through a trash can looking for return bottles. It was a warm Friday afternoon. Making small talk, I said, I wonder if the weather will be nice this week-end. He looked me up and down and replied, ""I don't know. Who do you think I am, the weather man? If you want the weather forecast turn on a radio"". He walked away,deemingly disgusted, leaving me dejected and puzzled. |
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08 Dec 11 - 01:17 PM (#3270563) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: GUEST,Eliza One Parents' Evening I was interviewing someone's Dad, and commented that his son was very good at French. He replied, " Thass a furren language, and it's all Choinese ter me, miss!" |
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08 Dec 11 - 02:40 PM (#3270595) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Ed T "Would you swallow a live mouse for a new car?"" Maybe I posted this one somewhere else before? But, it was a beaut. One that I was posed to me, out of the blue, by someone I did not know quite a few years ago. |
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08 Dec 11 - 02:52 PM (#3270602) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Dave Hanson During the Heath Gvernment power cuts many years ago I overheard two old ladies on a bus when a power cut suddenly began, first old lady, ' oh no another power cut ' second old lady, ' yes, we'll have to light a candle to watch the telly when we get home. ' Dave H |
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09 Dec 11 - 01:18 PM (#3271093) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: GUEST,Eliza LOL EdT, well.... would you? |
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09 Dec 11 - 01:26 PM (#3271098) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Bill D "If you don't get out of here and leave me alone right now, I'm going to find someone who will!" ...anonymous upset girlfriend (I read it in a book) |
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09 Dec 11 - 03:48 PM (#3271148) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: DMcG "You can tell it's a smaller ship - it's closer to the water". One of the many observations of my beloved. |
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09 Dec 11 - 07:51 PM (#3271246) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: Sandra in Sydney loved it, DMcG, sandra (laughing out loud) |
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10 Dec 11 - 05:24 AM (#3271393) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: autolycus One of my Mum's best was, We used to have an apple tree that produced a mountain of cookers bi-annually. Once she made some pureed apple for dessert. After I'd finished a second helping, I asked for a third, only to be greeted with "No more. Apples don't grow on trees." |
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10 Dec 11 - 05:27 AM (#3271394) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: autolycus Oh and I once read about someone who read the following headline in someone else's newspaper - WRONG MAN JUMPS OUT OF WINDOW. Unfortunately they didn't seek out the paper to discover what the story was. |
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10 Dec 11 - 05:57 AM (#3271403) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: autolycus Found on this lovely site of things overheard in book places http://www.inprint.co.uk/thebookguide/droppings.htm Customer, irate at being told of the fees for our search service: "Well, HELL! You sound more like a BUSINESS than a BOOKSTORE!" |
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10 Dec 11 - 06:34 AM (#3271413) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: MGM·Lion My late wife Valerie once exclaimed in her sleep, in the most vehement and emphatic of tones: "The populace must be kept awake ~~ and amused." She had no explanation to offer, when I asked next morning, as to what she could possibly have meant or what might have triggered the assertion. ~Michael~ |
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10 Dec 11 - 01:16 PM (#3271583) Subject: RE: BS: Strange things people have said From: GUEST,pete from seven stars link "evolution has been observed-it,s just that it has,nt been observed while it,s happening.." richard dawkins 3/12/2004 |