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BS: Garbled Syntax

15 Jul 12 - 12:22 PM (#3376547)
Subject: BS: Garbled Syntaxis
From: Ebbie

I like words. I love words. Finding a word with just the right shading to it and setting it at just the right spot is a thing of deep pleasure to me. That said, I also enjoy the inadvertent mixing of metaphor and the accidental blurt, of which I am frequently guilty.

(Yesterday I told a tenant that 'Greg',the maintenance man, had not answered my phone call and that I would try to call 'Wayne' who might know where Greg was. The tenant says, Who is Wayne? Is he the other Greg?')

(Most of the members of my large birth family resemble each other in one or more particulars. At a function one day, a woman came up to my sis Ida and said, pointing to the retreating figure of my other sister: "Are you Linda or is that you over there?" We told her that she should have assured her, "No. That's me over there.")

My local paper this morning has this gem:

"Wandering down the trail, just past the old parking lot, is another interpretive sign."


15 Jul 12 - 12:44 PM (#3376556)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: GUEST,999

These types of things are what make the language beautiful, all the way from "stay where you're to 'til I get where you're at" to "Thanks, but I don't want no potatoes."


15 Jul 12 - 12:58 PM (#3376569)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: GUEST,Eliza

Like the table for a lady with mahogany legs?
Or a black man's T-shirt?
I also like my mother's favourite; "She smiled, that's all she said."


15 Jul 12 - 01:05 PM (#3376573)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Uncle_DaveO

"The difference between the right word and the nearly
right word is the difference between the lightning and
the lightning bug."
. . . Mark Twain


15 Jul 12 - 02:49 PM (#3376629)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Ebbie

Hey! I already love this thread.


15 Jul 12 - 09:52 PM (#3376810)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Ebbie

In a song I called 'Sun and Rain', that I wrote a number of years ago I spent days pairing up words/concepts as close to opposite as I could get. For instance, there is a distinct if subtle difference between joy and rapture as well as between grief and woe, so the line became "the joy and the grief", "the rapture and woe". It went on with "pleasure and pain","giggles and sighs", "hellos and goodbyes", "promises broken and words left unspoken", "births and fates", etc.

I spent a lot of time on it but I was quite proud of how it developed.


16 Jul 12 - 07:07 PM (#3377311)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: framus

Was it you or your brother was killed in the war?


16 Jul 12 - 07:15 PM (#3377319)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Bert

OK, let's hear that song Ebbie!


16 Jul 12 - 07:24 PM (#3377327)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: katlaughing

I agree, Bert! C'mon, Ebbie! (Great thread!)


16 Jul 12 - 08:25 PM (#3377362)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Sandra in Sydney

me too, me too!


16 Jul 12 - 08:34 PM (#3377367)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Jack the Sailor

There are a bunch of Newfoundland jokes based on a similar premise.

A guy phones the Salvation Army.

"Do you save fallen women?

"Good! Save me two for Saturday night."


17 Jul 12 - 03:23 AM (#3377493)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Ebbie

"Was it you or your brother was killed in the war?" framus

lol


17 Jul 12 - 03:31 AM (#3377495)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Megan L

Dad used to say "I may no be right here but ahm certainly no aw there"
And I did once catch a member of my first aid team asking someone who she had seen kicked in a sensitive place by a clydesdale "Are you allright"


17 Jul 12 - 06:26 AM (#3377547)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: John MacKenzie

Jings, is there naethin' they wullnae tax?


17 Jul 12 - 08:37 AM (#3377621)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Jack the Sailor

Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas!


17 Jul 12 - 08:59 AM (#3377633)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Jim Dixon

Throw the cow over the fence some hay.


17 Jul 12 - 10:01 AM (#3377657)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Mr Happy

Can you bring that book about Down Under up?


17 Jul 12 - 10:37 AM (#3377682)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: John MacKenzie

I've just about reached breaking point, he snapped.


17 Jul 12 - 10:46 AM (#3377694)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Becca72

When something around here goes missing "and there is was, lost"


17 Jul 12 - 10:57 AM (#3377708)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Bill D

25+ years ago, my son, at about 3½, made some remark using a word that surprised us. Pleased, we complemented him on how well he said it. (details long forgotten, but not his response: )

He said, "Yes, I have a lot of words in my mouth!"

------------------------------------

My college German professor told of a small boy objecting to his father's choice of a book for a bedtime story:

"Daddy, why did you bring that book I didn't want to be read to out of up for?"


17 Jul 12 - 11:01 AM (#3377711)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: saulgoldie

Misplaced modifiers, words that are nearly but not exactly the word one intended, abused words, over-used words. Oh, and mispronunciation. It's "noo-clee-ir," stupid!

Yeah, all that. And...failure to use the semi-colon. Save the semi-colon! Hope itsa long thread!

Saul


17 Jul 12 - 11:41 AM (#3377730)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: gnu

Jts... a greeting from a Newf I knew years ago... "Whatchya got in yer mout me ol cock?"


17 Jul 12 - 11:41 AM (#3377731)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Ebbie

He said, "Yes, I have a lot of words in my mouth!" Bill D

That reminds me of a precocious little boy who once asked me to sing something. I did and then he said, Now let's sing the song that's in my mouth.


17 Jul 12 - 12:28 PM (#3377774)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: BrendanB

"I've got a really busy day tomorrow. I'm having two teeth taken out and a gas fire put in".


17 Jul 12 - 02:41 PM (#3377868)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: GUEST,Eliza

There's a super little book calles Lost In Translation. There are some real howlers in there. eg Sign in hotel room in Finland:- "If you have a fire, shut the door and expose yourself at the window." I like the signs one sees on security doors in shops: This Door Is Alarmed! (I wonder what frightened it?)


17 Jul 12 - 02:47 PM (#3377874)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Becca72

LOL Eliza. Reminds me of the time I was out to dinner with the 'rents. Sign on the buffet read "Steamed baby clams". I asked Kendall what got them so angry...


17 Jul 12 - 11:10 PM (#3378088)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: framus

Big brother (as a child) was referred to by our Grannie as a half-wit (we didn't muck about in Derry!) Quick as a flash, the response "Well you're a whole wit, then!".


18 Jul 12 - 03:10 AM (#3378132)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: GUEST,Eliza

Some more from Lost In Translation:-

Madrid restaurant:- Our wine leaves you nothing to hope for.

Japan hotel:- If you want more heat or cold in room, please control yourself.
and... Please take advantage of the chambermaid.

Rome hotel:- Please dial 7 to retrieve your auto from the garbage.

Heathrow Airport, UK:- No electric people carrying vehicles beyond this point.


18 Jul 12 - 03:41 AM (#3378139)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: MGM·Lion

I used to love the instruction on the lid of a particular make of jam ~ Robertson's or Hartley's I think ~~

To open, pierce with a pin. Then push off.

Always reminded me of fireworks: "Light the blue touch paper and retire".

~M~


18 Jul 12 - 04:18 AM (#3378147)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: MGM·Lion

"Oh, nobody goes there any more. It's much too crowded."


19 Jul 12 - 12:23 AM (#3378578)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Ebbie

I forgot about posting this (sorry it is so long). Thanks for asking.

Sun and Rain
Elva Bontrager 1998

As I dwell on the memories of so many years
And on the lives of most people I know
It surely does seem that we learn from extremes
Let me show you that it's really so
There is sun, there is rain, there is pleasure, there is pain
There is friend, there is foe, there's the stranger that I know
Laughter and tears, hopes mingled with fears
The joy and the grief, the rapture and woe

There are giggles and sighs, hellos and goodbyes
So many of each in our lives
Promises broken and words left unspoken
Things idolized or despised
   Anger and gladness and happy and sadness
   The loves and the hates, the births and the fates
   The pathway supernal, the broad road infernal
   The blink of a day a thousand years away

Through the years I could see my life blown by the wind
Soaring high and then dashed to the ground
Finally I wondered just how much I'd squandered
Having every wind that blows toss me around
A good man's not always right nor the bad man always wrong
Things are not always black or white as I'd thought my whole life long
Instead of haste I've learned patience, deep gratitude for questions
The answers can wait. That, at last, I have found

I don't know all the reasons for life's changing seasons
But whate'er they may bring is what must be
So in all of my dreams, through all life's extremes
I'll take each moment and let it shape me
   I'll take the sun, face the rain, take the pleasure, bear the pain
   Love the friend, love the foe, love the stranger in my home
   Life's extremes are the means, fertile seeds that we need
   To live and to love, to give and to grow.

Yes, there's anger and gladness and happy and sadness
The loves and the hates, the births and the fates
The pathway supernal, the broad road infernal
The blink of a day a thousand years away
The blink of my day a thousand years away


19 Jul 12 - 06:15 AM (#3378645)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: GUEST,Dáithí

A couple of favourites:

Medicine labels saying " Keep away from children" - always good advice in my opinion!

And the signs you see up and down motorways ,"Road Works Ahead" - am so glad that it does...
d


19 Jul 12 - 07:14 AM (#3378669)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: MGM·Lion

A friend of mine said she found the two instructions on a bottle, "Keep away from children. Do not drink", and remarked that she would find the second injunction easier to obey if she could only think of some way to accomplish the first.

~M~


19 Jul 12 - 07:19 AM (#3378672)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Bernard

Are you the front end of a donkey?
No!
Are you the back end of a donkey?
No!
Then you must be no end of a donkey!


19 Jul 12 - 10:39 PM (#3378974)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Bert

Great song Ebbie.


20 Jul 12 - 12:14 AM (#3378992)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Ebbie

Thanks, Bert.


21 Jul 12 - 12:11 PM (#3379598)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Crowhugger

Love the thread!

Ebbie have you an audio or video recording of your song? Would love to hear it.


21 Jul 12 - 04:11 PM (#3379652)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: gnu

Ebbie... beeeautiful!

I am with Crowhugger.


21 Jul 12 - 04:24 PM (#3379655)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Ebbie

Thanks, y'all. No, I don't have a recording. My brother and I once tried recording some of my songs but we made such a botch of it that we ended up laughing helplessly. One of us would forget a word or line or the other would forget to come in on cue, and on and on - we had a lot of fun but no, I don't have a recording. lol


21 Jul 12 - 11:09 PM (#3379746)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Neil D

Here's a classic involving a misplaced comma. A panda walks into a bar, pulls out a gun, kills the bartender and walks out. Everyone knows a panda eats, shoots and leaves.


22 Jul 12 - 04:32 AM (#3379788)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: GUEST,Eliza

That's the title of a very funny English usage book by Lynn Truss. (I can recommend it) Another example of incorrect punctuation is the sign outside a barber's shop: "What do you think? I'll shave you for nothing!" Which should have read: "What? Do you think I'll shave you for nothing?"


22 Jul 12 - 05:09 AM (#3379795)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: MGM·Lion

One is reminded of the old puzzle as to how to punctuate the following to make sense:

Smith where Jones had had had had had had had had had had had their teacher's approval

~M~


22 Jul 12 - 07:13 AM (#3379816)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Doug Chadwick

Jack    and    Jill.

There are spaces between Jack and and and and and Jill.


22 Jul 12 - 04:58 PM (#3380017)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Uncle_DaveO

Some people get paid to be good, but I'm good for nothing.


22 Jul 12 - 08:13 PM (#3380093)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Ebbie

To paraphrase someone else: The least you can do is nothing.


23 Jul 12 - 10:37 AM (#3380378)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: John P

My ex had a poetry instructor who told his students on the first day of class that he didn't want to see any poems with the syntax tortured to make it fit the rhythm and rhyme scheme. He said that was something "up with which I will not put."


23 Jul 12 - 10:51 AM (#3380383)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Amos

Smith, where Jones had had "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had their teacher's approval.


23 Jul 12 - 10:52 AM (#3380385)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Midchuck

Here's a classic involving a misplaced comma. A panda walks into a bar, pulls out a gun, kills the bartender and walks out. Everyone knows a panda eats, shoots and leaves.

Actually, the original joke involved a Panda visiting a prostitute and failing to pay. Really.

Peter


23 Jul 12 - 11:09 AM (#3380395)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: MGM·Lion

Housepoint, Amos.


24 Jul 12 - 01:07 AM (#3380670)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: beeliner

From The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime by Mark Haddon:

"His face was drawn but the curtains were real."


24 Jul 12 - 10:49 AM (#3380838)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: GUEST,Eliza

We had a washing machine stolen from our front garden yesterday. (We were going to dispose of it anyway; it was worn out.) My neighbour was telling her husband when he arrived home from work. They stood in our garden and she said, "And there it was Robert...GONE!"


24 Jul 12 - 10:53 AM (#3380840)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: GUEST,Eliza

This might tie in with the thread about Men And Washing Machines, or even the thread about Racism in The UK (We actually reckon some East Europeans whisked it away in their van; they were in our village 5 mins before, putting those scam charity sacks through the doors)


24 Jul 12 - 10:59 AM (#3380842)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: saulgoldie

I protest that multi-"had" sentence as a mere exercise. I mean, does it actually have any meaning? If one said it to a normal person...

Garbled sin-tax? Like if there was a levy on prosyletution?

Saul


24 Jul 12 - 11:16 AM (#3380850)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: MGM·Lion

Saul ~ If, in the 11·x·'had' sentence, you substitute 'written', for the 2nd 'had' and the 5th 'had', and 'received' for the final, 11th one, and then read it out loud, you will find it makes perfect sense, without significantly altering the meaning.

~M~


24 Jul 12 - 11:31 AM (#3380854)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Ebbie

A woman of my acquaintance was complaining to me of the sommelier in the resort where she worked.

Evidently the waiters were very busy and instead of helping, "And there he was, just standing on his a**."


24 Jul 12 - 12:24 PM (#3380875)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: Deckman

"Up the down staircase"


25 Jul 12 - 11:36 AM (#3381310)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: EBarnacle

One which constantly gets my grits is "you have reached xyz. I am not in now. Please leave a message..." If I had reached xyz, I would not have to leave a message.


25 Jul 12 - 11:39 AM (#3381311)
Subject: RE: BS: Garbled Syntax
From: GUEST,Eliza

I hate it when the recorded voice says, "Please listen CAREFULLY to the following choices..." I always want to shriek, "No, I'll blinking well listen as carelessly as possible!"