|
04 Nov 99 - 10:47 PM (#131986) Subject: Need Accordion jokes From: Len Wallace Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'Okay, okay. I play accordion. I LIKE accordion jokes. But I think I've heard 'em all: 1. What do you call an accordion player with a beeper? 2. My car was broken into and there were three more accordions in the backseat. 3. What is the similarity between premature ejaculation and an accordion solo? 4. What is the definition of perfect pitch? 5. What is the difference between accordion players and terrorists? 6. Difference between an onion and accordion. 7. How do you get an accordion player out of a tree? 8. How can you tell which car in a parking lot belongs to an accordion player? I need new jokes!!!! |
|
04 Nov 99 - 11:11 PM (#131988) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: catspaw49 Please see the two threads of Banjo jokes and insert "Accordion" for banjo. Spaw |
|
04 Nov 99 - 11:58 PM (#132000) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Tom on Comfort Len, you need accordion jokes like the Pope needs pierogi. Love, Tom |
|
05 Nov 99 - 04:38 AM (#132043) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Liz the Squeak Hey this isn't fair, I haven't heard half of those, and I have to live with 8 of the wretched contraptions. Please can you send me the whole lot, completed, to liz_the_squeak@ukgateway.net please??? Did you get the difference between melodeons and accordions? Accordions burn longer. You could always substitute bagpipes (Highland pipes or bellows variety, it doesn't matter, but Highland are the more popular target) for the offending instrument, we have a set of those too, anyone want to buy a set of french pipes in dusky pink?? LTS |
|
05 Nov 99 - 05:32 AM (#132054) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: AKS Seen this one already? http://www.mit.edu:8001/people/jcb/ AKS, Joensuu, Finland |
|
05 Nov 99 - 09:55 AM (#132135) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Len Wallace Answers to the jokes: 1. What do you call an accordion player with a beeper? - An optimist 2. Driving to a gig and had my best accordion in the backseat of the car. Decided I would stop into Seven Eleven to get a coffee. Suddenly realized my accordion was there for all to sea. Rushed back. Sure enough, the worst thing imaginable! My car was broken into and there were three more accordions in the backseat. 3. What is the similarity between premature ejaculation and an accordion solo? - Yiou know it's coming but you can't do a thing bout it. 4. What is the definition of perfect pitch? - That's the sound an accordion makes as it hits a banjo on the way to the dumpster 5. What is the difference between accordion players and terrorists? Terrorists have sympathizers. 6. Difference between an onion and accordion. You cry when you cut up and onion. 7. How do you get an accordion player out of a tree? Cut the rope! |
|
05 Nov 99 - 10:11 AM (#132144) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Winters Wages Hmpff!!....Im observing, reading, taking names...This is aggression! ***BG (Just kidding ) Winters Wages |
|
05 Nov 99 - 11:26 AM (#132188) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Steve Latimer What's the definition of a true Gentlemen? Someone who can play the Accordian, but doesn't. |
|
05 Nov 99 - 01:02 PM (#132233) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Liz the Squeak Thank you, more ammunition for my (not just) one woman war against the bellows. I will say this for them, the soft back pack case that fits the concert pitch one, is great for using as a back pack, it is just the right size to put my files in, when I go off family history hunting.... And it gets me a seat on the tube (subway). An acquaintance of mine once got drunk and left his melodeon on a bar table. He went on to a club, picked up a girl (we think she was a girl...), took her home, had a weekend of drunken debauchery, and the parents of all hangovers two days later. He finally pulled himself together to get to the pub for some hair of the dog, went down to the pub, and there, sitting on the table where he had left it, was the melodeon, untouched. See, like Yugo cars, it is pointless insuring them against theft, no one would ever steal them!!! (And yes, we had a Yugo, and yes, I left the keys in it, and yes, the car and keys were still there the next day!) LTS |
|
05 Nov 99 - 05:41 PM (#132339) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: roopoo Why are squeezebox bellows the way they are? - Conveniently shaped for slicing. And the old chestnut.... What do you call an accordion (or any other instrument you want to demean) at the bottom of the ocean? - A good start. mouldy |
|
05 Nov 99 - 11:04 PM (#132461) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: _gargoyle THANX for the ammunition - it is best to anticipate the assult. |
|
05 Nov 99 - 11:11 PM (#132463) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Rick Fielding What's the definition of a wonderful man with one fatal flaw? Well my friends, if you knew him, you'd know the answer is Len Wallace! Welcome Len. How's your year been? Rick |
|
06 Nov 99 - 10:21 AM (#132554) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: John Hindsill "Accordian jokes" is a redundancy. |
|
06 Nov 99 - 07:10 PM (#132711) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Len Wallace Hi Rick! Gee, thanks for the compliment (I think). Hmphh! Well, here's another I came across: Where's the safest place in the house to hide all your expenseive jewellery so that burglars won't find it? In an accordion case!
|
|
07 Nov 99 - 08:02 AM (#132809) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Frankie Here's one adapted for the squeezebox: The difference between an accordion and a large pizza? The pizza can feed a family of four. F |
|
10 Oct 00 - 04:16 AM (#315332) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: CarolC ROFLMAO! |
|
10 Oct 00 - 04:59 AM (#315340) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Skipjack K8 Me too, Cags! Skipjack |
|
10 Oct 00 - 07:33 AM (#315363) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: GUEST,Long Firm Freddie (at work) If you dropped an Accordian and a Banjo off the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris at the same time, which one would hit the ground first? |
|
10 Oct 00 - 07:47 AM (#315370) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: John P A couple of years ago some scientists did a study and found that if you laid all the accordions in the world end-to-end between the earth and the moon, that would be a good thing. John |
|
10 Oct 00 - 08:39 AM (#315388) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Wincing Devil Here's my favorite!
|
|
10 Oct 00 - 11:55 AM (#315508) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Jim Dixon My favorite accordion joke was actually a "Far Side" cartoon, by Gary Larson: In the top half of the panel, the scene is heaven. An archangel is greeting new arrivals: "Welcome to heaven. Here's your harp." The bottom half is hell. The devil is saying, "Welcome to hell. Here's your accordion." |
|
10 Oct 00 - 11:59 AM (#315512) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: SINSULL I found a very appropriate Halloween card. The front is a red tinged photo of about 20 accordian players in various nerdy costumes - cowboy with oversized hat, thick glasses on an old fashioned school teacher, goofy geek with slick hair and glasses taped in the middle. The inside says "Another reason to keep the porch light on this Halloween." |
|
11 Oct 00 - 12:29 AM (#316051) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall) There are only two accordion jokes, the rest are true stories. There was a miscellaneous instrument joke about a month ago. If you dig it up there's afew in there. Rich |
|
11 Oct 00 - 11:34 AM (#316264) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Jim Dixon Dang it, WincingDevil, I didn't click your link until after I had posted my own description. But it should interest you to know that Gary Larson objects to his cartoons being posted on the Internet, and he has written a rather sensitive and eloquent explanation of his point of view. Click here. (I suppose I am walking a fine line here, in assuming that his objection does not apply to mere verbal descriptions of his cartoons.) |
|
11 Oct 00 - 12:15 PM (#316299) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Ebbie OBJECTION to the name of this thread! I keep glancing at it and getting a different read each time. Sometimes it's 'Neat Accordion Jokes', other times it says 'Need Accordion Jocks'...Just which is it? I don't know if it's age related or from an overload of words packed into my puny brain but I've noticed in recent years that my mind will do that. *BG* Ebbie |
|
11 Oct 00 - 02:31 PM (#316388) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Wincing Devil Jim Dixon:
I have stolen from you to avod stealing from someone with lawyers: http://www.digizen.net/members/vwilding/sqzbox.jpg is now an apology to Mr. Larson. The verbiage was Q:Why are there so few female Accordian Players?
|
|
11 Oct 00 - 11:07 PM (#316827) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: CarolC Ebbie, in my opinion, both are appropriate. ;-) BTW, this is an old thread. I brought it back to life because I enjoyed it so much, and I thought there might be a couple of other people around here who would enjoy it as well. I don't know if Len Wallace is even aware that it's currently active, so he may not be looking for accordion jokes around here any more. Please don't let that stop you from posting them, though! IMHO, two of the finest things in life are jokes and accordions. What could be more fitting than to put the two of them together? Carol |
|
11 Oct 00 - 11:26 PM (#316846) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Troll Why did the accordian player marry the banjo player? Upward mobility. Long Firm Freddy: The Accordian player would hit the ground first. The Banjo player would have to stop to re-tune. troll |
|
12 Oct 00 - 02:38 AM (#317013) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: GUEST,aussiebloke You are driving down the street, and there is a Morris Dancer and a Squeezebox player walking along ahead of you. Which do you run over first? The squeezebox player, as it is business before pleasure... |
|
12 Oct 00 - 02:40 AM (#317018) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: GUEST,aussiebloke What is the principal use of banjos? Kindling wood for squeezebox fires... |
|
13 Oct 00 - 12:54 AM (#317874) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: Ely 1. How do you get two accordions to play in tune? Shoot one. 2. What does it mean when the accordion player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? The stage is level. |
|
24 Sep 04 - 12:59 PM (#1280105) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: GUEST,rhinelanders@wowway.com WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HOOVER VACUM MACHINE AND AN ACCORDION PLAYER? ON A HOOVER VACUM MACHINE THE DIRT BAG IS IN THE INSIDE. |
|
24 Sep 04 - 02:24 PM (#1280186) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: GUEST,Larry K The difference between an accordian and an anchor?- You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it in the water |
|
24 Sep 04 - 07:40 PM (#1280404) Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes From: GUEST why is an Accordion player and a foot massage A foot masage bucks up the feet |
