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26 Aug 13 - 01:30 PM (#3553061) Subject: BS: Festival for twats. From: VirginiaTam http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/new-festival-aimed-directly-at-twats- THE Magic Fox Vintage Smoothie Boutique Urban Forest Pop Up Chill Retreat is to be Britain's first 100 percent twat-friendly festival. If Alex James is not there it's because he's trapped under one of his own pigs As the festival-marketing season begins, the organisers of the new event claim to have concocted the ultimate pretentious weekend for utterly dreadful people. Festival 'curator' Tom Logan said: "My friends and I wanted to create something for ourselves – a right bunch of wealthy jumped-up media twats with a ridiculous sense of entitlement and legions of horrible mop-headed children, all of whom are called Mungo. "We would probably get punched at Latitude. Honestly, we're that bad. "Magic Fox Vintage Smoothie Boutique Urban Forest Pop Up Chill Retreat is a combination of all the most annoying, smug, po-faced aspects of festival culture into a smorgasbord of heavily-branded twatness. "There will be deerstalker hats, depressingly nostalgic 90s dance acts – we'll probably go with Faithless, who are now old enough to be considered ironic – and some fucking thing called The Mystic Dell. "We've got people with moustaches playing gypsy jazz records on a gramophone while the Wombles perform a burlesque routine, stupid fucking food stalls where you can buy a 'hand-raised' pie with an infantile name, and luxury woodland play areas where horrible designer-clad infants can kick frogs while giggling. "It will be a hybrid of Waitrose and The Wicker Man. "Also there will be macaroon biscuits. And people wearing fox masks, just prancing around aimlessly." He added: "But the Magic Fox Vintage Smoothie Boutique Urban Forest Pop Up Chill Retreat isn't just about twats. There's also plenty for pricks, like a bicycle-power retro puppet eco-show that reworks Punch and Judy as an environmental fable. "There will be stalls. We don't know what they'll be selling but everything will be a tenner." Music fan Emma Bradford said: "I'm going to spend that weekend in West London as it will have become temporarily pleasant." |
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26 Aug 13 - 01:31 PM (#3553062) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: VirginiaTam For a laugh. And yes I can recognise some elements of myself in this article. |
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26 Aug 13 - 01:47 PM (#3553067) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: gnu Heheheee. |
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26 Aug 13 - 01:53 PM (#3553071) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: GUEST,CS "It will be a hybrid of Waitrose and The Wicker Man." Bwwwaaaahaahahahhh!!! Spot on :D |
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26 Aug 13 - 02:15 PM (#3553082) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: Georgiansilver Obviously not heard of the Blitherscrum Folk Festival which has been twat friendly for years! |
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26 Aug 13 - 02:15 PM (#3553083) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: Georgiansilver Obviously not heard of the Blitherscrum Folk Festival which has been twat friendly for years! |
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26 Aug 13 - 02:34 PM (#3553093) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: GUEST,Musket nodding At last! A festival where my carbon fibre guitar will be welcomed rather than sniffed at! How does one blag one's way onto the guest list? One specialises in appearing in the pseud's marquee, you understand . |
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26 Aug 13 - 03:24 PM (#3553112) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: michaelr I've always been curious: what exactly does "po-faced" mean? |
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26 Aug 13 - 06:13 PM (#3553159) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: Charmion A "po" face is like that of a person who has caught a whiff from a brimming chamber pot. |
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27 Aug 13 - 04:24 AM (#3553262) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: Dave the Gnome Just up my street! Mind you, I am a bit disappointed. I thought TWAT was an abbreviation for Tuesday Wednesday And Thursday, so it would be a festival specifically NOT at the weekend so the oiks could not attend. Maybe I'll start my own... :D tG |
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27 Aug 13 - 06:44 AM (#3553299) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: Nigel Parsons Reminds me of a (very old) joke about the man flying to the US on 'Trans World Airlines' Stewardess: "Sir, would you like some of our TWA coffee?: Man: "No thanks, but I'd like your TWA tea!" |
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27 Aug 13 - 10:25 AM (#3553376) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: GUEST Another word with (it appears) quite different meanings in British English and US English... P. |
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27 Aug 13 - 12:44 PM (#3553407) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: Stilly River Sage Yes, it does have a clear and different meaning in the US. It is the vagina in a sexual sense (versus an anatomical identification) and it also someone who appears to think with their vagina (a recent illustration would be Miley Cyrus, whose performance over the weekend has hit the meme circuit hard. I didn't see it, but how can I miss the illustrations?) I'd qualify this by saying it is sexual, not commercial, so it isn't the same as the slang for prostitution. SRS |
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27 Aug 13 - 01:58 PM (#3553418) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: SINSULL Blitherscrum should sue. They have been doing this for years...and better. |
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27 Aug 13 - 03:22 PM (#3553454) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: GUEST,Musket evolving slowly Phew! For a minute there I thought someone was going to define a twat as a pregnant goldfish. Only twats make that mistake of course. Been thinking about the songs that would make my set. Alexie Sayle wrote a finger in the ear number which started, as I recall- Oh I am a computer programmer I come from Milton Keynes Then the rhyme ended with Dried haricot beans. |
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28 Aug 13 - 09:27 AM (#3553729) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: GUEST Before clicking on this I thought: If Montana can have its Testicle Festival then why not this? |
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28 Aug 13 - 11:51 AM (#3553785) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: Acorn4 Could it be shortened to "TWATFEST"? |
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29 Aug 13 - 04:26 AM (#3554017) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: GUEST,Anon perfect place to meet every accordianist, bagpiper, bodran player and hurdy gurdy owner. |
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29 Aug 13 - 06:46 AM (#3554041) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: GUEST Amazed to discover that the Monsanto Testicle Festival is real! |
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30 Aug 13 - 06:08 AM (#3554336) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: alanabit I enjoyed that hilarious first post. |
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30 Aug 13 - 08:27 PM (#3554599) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: Jack Campin Can we expect a report on it from Emma Hartley of the appropriately named Glamour Cave? |
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31 Aug 13 - 08:22 AM (#3554705) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: GUEST,Raggytash Is this to be held on Orkney? |
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31 Aug 13 - 01:02 PM (#3554778) Subject: RE: BS: Festival for twats. From: VirginiaTam OK Let's do a "Build Your Own Questionable Festival." (Type = genre of music, scene (LARP, steampunk, re-enactors) body/mind/spirit, body modification, posh boors, occult, etc.) A list to get you started. Add and subtract as you like. TYPE: NAME of EVENT: DATE: LOCATION: DESCRIPTION: ATTRACTIONS: ARTISTS or SPEAKER/LEADERS: WORKSHOPS: FRINGE EVENTS: SPONSORS: RETAIL STALLS: FOOD: TESTIMONIALS: |