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Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.

10 Nov 99 - 07:30 PM (#134345)
Subject: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

Bert is obviously suffering from CRS--Can't Remember Shit!!! Very sever case....any ideas or cures? Perhaps a 2x4?

Spaw


10 Nov 99 - 07:41 PM (#134352)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Lonesome EJ

More sticky notes! More sticky notes!


10 Nov 99 - 07:41 PM (#134353)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

However, he did seem to remember the beer....But Bert...Beer kills brain cells man and uh........

Spaw


10 Nov 99 - 07:45 PM (#134355)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Lonesome EJ

Actually beer doesn't kill brain cells,Spaw, just makes em migrate to other parts of the body, like the butt,gut,etc. Ever heard the term "drunken smart-ass"? Now ya know burp


10 Nov 99 - 07:48 PM (#134358)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Jeri

If the chat worked, we could help him out. We could also let them know their mikes were still hot when they were playing CDs.


10 Nov 99 - 07:49 PM (#134359)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Bert

Sticky notes? Do you mean 3Ms windows?


10 Nov 99 - 07:49 PM (#134360)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

Yeah...you got a point Leej, but I think your post it note scheme won't work for Bert. When the migrating brain deels reach his bladder, the pressure will confuse him and a post it on his Willie would only plug him up til his teeth turned yellow.

Spaw


10 Nov 99 - 07:51 PM (#134361)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

No Bert...TRY TO REMEMBER ...........MICROSOFT MAKES WINDOWS!!!!!!!!!

Spaw


10 Nov 99 - 07:52 PM (#134362)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Lonesome EJ

Post-it notes won't stick to extremely soft surfaces anyway, Spaw, so I think Bert would have a tough time sticking one on his unit.


10 Nov 99 - 07:57 PM (#134367)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Bert

Oh, I guess you didn't get that one. Haven't you seen people who have them stuck on their monitors? 'Cos they don't have enough Microsoft windows.


10 Nov 99 - 07:58 PM (#134368)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

Another good point....but do you think he can remember where his "unit" IS??? OR what possible uses it may have for that matter.........

Spaw


10 Nov 99 - 08:02 PM (#134374)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Bert

Wotchit Moosh! Or I'll show you what I can do with it.


10 Nov 99 - 08:04 PM (#134378)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Lonesome EJ

Now you've done it Spaw. I knew you'd get him riled


10 Nov 99 - 08:05 PM (#134381)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

Is it possible that you just forgot which switch to flick? 'Cause I just lost the show!!!!

Spaw


10 Nov 99 - 08:08 PM (#134383)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Lonesome EJ

Just jokin, Bert. I'm sure the mule's still kickin in the stall. Did you see the new Mudcatterbury verse I did btw?


10 Nov 99 - 08:13 PM (#134384)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Bert

Yes, I just showed it to Max. Great.


10 Nov 99 - 08:14 PM (#134386)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Bert

You lost the show 'cos you were screwing around and not LISTENING to it


10 Nov 99 - 08:16 PM (#134387)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

So where'd the show go???

I dunno Bert....I should have expected something like this from a guy who carved his Jack-O-Lantern from a turnip.

Spaw


10 Nov 99 - 08:17 PM (#134388)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Lonesome EJ

You know, I just KNEW it was something I did wrong...


10 Nov 99 - 08:20 PM (#134390)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Jeri

wotsa "moosh?"

Bert, we love you - and Max too. Rough day, rough night, rough week. Hugs for both of you.


10 Nov 99 - 08:22 PM (#134393)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

That's it Leej....Stand up and take it like a man...or a woman.........just not like Bert, who seems not to have noticed he's talking to the ether.

Spaw


10 Nov 99 - 08:22 PM (#134394)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Lonesome EJ

Actually,Spaw, that takes an unbelieveable amount of dexterity. Not to mention a really tiny candle


10 Nov 99 - 08:25 PM (#134396)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Bert

Moosh, often spelled mush is an English expression that was popular just after WWII. It is used to mean person, face or mouth. I think it's origin is French.


10 Nov 99 - 08:25 PM (#134397)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Lonesome EJ

The turnip jack-o-lantern, I mean


10 Nov 99 - 08:26 PM (#134399)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

Yes it does Leej...but agin that was the problem. Bert worked for days on that thing and it was looking REAL good til Halloween night when he stuck that surplus NA-221 Flamethrower up the turnip's ass.

Spaw


10 Nov 99 - 08:26 PM (#134400)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Bert

Thanks for the hugs Jeri


10 Nov 99 - 08:33 PM (#134403)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Jeri

Anytime, Bert. I saw Spaw and LEJ were trying their absolute best to try to cheer you up, and I was frightened.


10 Nov 99 - 08:34 PM (#134404)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

Well, this has been fun......almost 30 messages in an hour. My thanks to Leej, Bert and Jeri for making this incredible bullshit possible.

Spaw, the Moosh.....Hey, Who loves ya' Bert?
(Certainly not me, but I am curious)


10 Nov 99 - 08:35 PM (#134406)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Bert

Actually they were doing quite well. Max was wondering why I was laughing about this disaster.


10 Nov 99 - 08:37 PM (#134408)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: MMario

turnips can get quite large, at least the feedstock types.


10 Nov 99 - 08:39 PM (#134409)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Bert

Aar! you meam Mangel Wurzels!


10 Nov 99 - 08:59 PM (#134424)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Jeri

wotsa Mangel Wurzel? (You don't really have to answer - it's got to be a really big turnip, doesn't it? But I'm curious about whether a Wurzel really is a turnip. Or maybe I'm not getting it at all, which is a distinct possibility.)

Oh, and I feel really great now. Trying to be all sensitive and sweet and you're actually enjoying the other approach. Well - humphhhh!


10 Nov 99 - 09:47 PM (#134438)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: katlaughing

Glad you clear that up, LeeJ, I though you meant standing up and takingit like a man took a lot of dexterity and a really tiny candle. Only thing is, I couldn't figure out what the candle was for, until I read the "take it like a man" over again. Wouldn'tcha have to bend over and crack a smile for that, though? Zing!

You guys quitcher picking on Bertie, all he needs is a Wooster! Or Jeeves, that is! Love nad hugs, Bert & Max.

luvyaKat


10 Nov 99 - 09:57 PM (#134443)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: bseed(charleskratz)

Gawd, I can't believe I spent five minutes reading all thirty-three of these messages: I don't know about a tiny candle but there are lots of dim bulbs around.

--seed


11 Nov 99 - 06:38 AM (#134535)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

Ah, but "collectively" we could outshine a dying firefly in a Mason jar dontcha' think? Well, maybe...sorta'......I dunno..........

Spaw


11 Nov 99 - 09:42 AM (#134570)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Bert

A mangel wurzel (often simply called a mangel) is a root crop in the beet family used mainly for feeding livestock. It looks like a large fat orangy colored beet, about 8 inches or more diameter. Not used much nowadays. Used to be used for Jack O'Lanterns years ago.
It was also used for the head of the storybook scarecrow Wurzel Gummage. Jon Pertwee (The third Dr. Who)played the part of Wurzel Gummage of an English childrens TV series in the fifties.

I enjoyed the hugs and needed the laughs as well.

Thanks,
Bert.


11 Nov 99 - 10:17 AM (#134576)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Charlie Baum

"muzh" is Russian for "man"; is that the origin of "moosh"?


11 Nov 99 - 10:24 AM (#134578)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Bert

Could be.


11 Nov 99 - 10:27 AM (#134582)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Margo

Phonetically, Moosh in French is a fly. (Mouche) Hmmmm... the inference: a bug eyed creep?


11 Nov 99 - 10:51 AM (#134587)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

HEY!!!!!.....A bug eyed creep? Well thanks one whole helluva lot Margo!!!!! I hope your shanty falls in at your next sing!

Spaw


11 Nov 99 - 10:57 AM (#134588)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Bert

A lot of slang from that era came from the army. It could be from the Arabic 'Mus' meaning rat.


11 Nov 99 - 02:26 PM (#134662)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Lonesome EJ

Actually,Kat,standing up and giving it like a man takes loads of dexterity, irregardless of the size of your candle.


11 Nov 99 - 04:44 PM (#134732)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: bseed(charleskratz)

Leej, is "irregardless" supposed to be the opposite of "regardless" or its synonym? Jeez. And I thought you were at least a 25 watt bulb, unlike Catspaw, who's kind of an LED nightlight.

--seed


11 Nov 99 - 05:23 PM (#134750)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Lonesome EJ

OK Seed, sue me for assassinating the English Language, fer Chrissakes! I couldn't help but notice that just about the time I eased up on Bert, everybody decided to give me a raft of horseshite!( Now I'm going to go back and glean all Seed's old postings for grammatical, syntactical and spelling errors)


11 Nov 99 - 08:00 PM (#134810)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

Is that Lovely, Egalitarian, Dude? I mean I am, but I didn't know that's how you felt.....Thanks for your thoughts and cares. I know you understand.

Spaw


11 Nov 99 - 08:20 PM (#134826)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: sophocleese

Picture yourself near a stream.

No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called the world.

The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.The water is clear.

You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you are holding under the water.

There now. Feel better?


11 Nov 99 - 08:27 PM (#134831)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Lonesome EJ

You are a sick ticket, Sophocleese. I admire that in a woman.


11 Nov 99 - 08:29 PM (#134832)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: sophocleese

OOps sorry meant to put that in the Totally Awesome etc. thread.


11 Nov 99 - 08:40 PM (#134841)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Lonesome EJ

Spaw...I think he meant Loud,Egotistical,Dumbass.

LEJ (25 watts and firing on all filaments)


11 Nov 99 - 09:00 PM (#134850)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

Well that was my second option too Leej....but I think we'll have to wait for Seed for the definitive answer. There's an outside shot it may be Lame,Eccentric,Doofus. It might also be "Leej Escapes Drowning".......just a thought.......

Spaw


11 Nov 99 - 09:30 PM (#134866)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Lonesome EJ

or maybe Large Edwardian Dingleberry


12 Nov 99 - 12:11 AM (#134911)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: sophocleese

Little elfin din...gleberry?


12 Nov 99 - 12:27 AM (#134917)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Áine

Well, y'all know we don't have dingleberries down here in Texas -- but we do have a tufted titmouse sitting in a farkleberry bush . . .


12 Nov 99 - 12:45 AM (#134925)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Lonesome EJ

Laughing Edsel Driver?


12 Nov 99 - 03:48 AM (#134952)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: bseed(charleskratz)

Limp Elderly Dork?

Naah, I was givin' you credit for at least a little glow, Patsclaw. But maybe TTSIAFB fits. Which reminds me: In what was is toilet paper like the Starship Enterprise?

--seed


12 Nov 99 - 04:32 AM (#134959)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Banjer

Cheer up 'Spaw, at least an LED nightlight is one step above a solar powered flashlight.


12 Nov 99 - 01:19 PM (#135102)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

Well at least there is a selection.

"OK Seed".....said Spaw, playing the straight man for a change, "In what way IS toilet paper like the Starship Enterprise?"

.......I can hardly wait for this one..............................

Spaw


12 Nov 99 - 01:25 PM (#135105)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: MMario

I keep meaning to post something to this thread, but I forget...


12 Nov 99 - 01:36 PM (#135110)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Den

They both wipe out clingons. Den


12 Nov 99 - 02:11 PM (#135137)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: Lonesome EJ

around Uranus


12 Nov 99 - 02:34 PM (#135146)
Subject: RE: Help: BERT SUFFERING FROM C.R.S.
From: catspaw49

I once bought stock in the Uranus Corporation. Turned out to be a real shitty deal. I thought I could clean up but the product wasn't nothin' but a piece of crap.

Spaw