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13 Nov 99 - 09:19 AM (#135423) Subject: More stupid questions From: Rana This was recently posted to me (probably made the rounds before) but in view of the Stupid Questions thread, I felt it was worth posting here. Rana All Time Dumbest Questions Asked by Banff Park Tourists > -------------------------------------------------------- > Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the information > kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff! > > 1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at > the "Elk Crossing" signs? > 2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose? > 3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?" > Park Information Staff: " 'Elk' " > Tourist: "Oh". > 4. Are the bears with collars tame? > 5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose? > 6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic > table, or should I store it in my tent? > 7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos? > 8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you > tell me what it was? > 9. Are there birds in Canada? > 10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada? > 11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin? > 12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper? > 13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is > that Saskatchewan? > 14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario? > 15. Which is the way to the Columbia Ricefields? > 16. How far is Banff from Canada? > 17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day? > 18. Do they search you at the B.C. border? > 19. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money > to British pounds? > 20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, > don't they? > 21. Are there phones in Banff? > 22. So it's eight kilometres away... is that in miles? > 23. We're on the decibel system you know. > 24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost?? > 25. Is that two kilometres by foot or by car? > 26. Don't you Canadians know anything? > 27. Where do you put the animals at night? > 28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?" > Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and > paint the bottom". > Tourist: "Oh!" |
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13 Nov 99 - 09:28 AM (#135427) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Rana Sorry about above, looked OK in box before I submitted it, have taken the liberty to repost after editing the file - hope it's easier to read. Rana All Time Dumbest Questions Asked by Banff Park Tourists -------------------------------------------------------- Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff! 1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs? 2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose? 3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?" Park Information Staff: " 'Elk' " Tourist: "Oh". 4. Are the bears with collars tame? 5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose? 6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent? 7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos? 8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was? 9. Are there birds in Canada? 10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada? 11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin? 12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper? 13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan? 14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario? 15. Which is the way to the Columbia Ricefields? 16. How far is Banff from Canada? 17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day? 18. Do they search you at the B.C. border? 19. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds? 20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don't they? 21. Are there phones in Banff? 22. So it's eight kilometres away... is that in miles? 23. We're on the decibel system you know. 24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost?? 25. Is that two kilometres by foot or by car? 26. Don't you Canadians know anything? 27. Where do you put the animals at night? 28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?" Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom". Tourist: "Oh!" |
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13 Nov 99 - 11:06 AM (#135447) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Caitrin THe worst Canada tourist story I ever heard was the guy who brought his skis to Ontario in June. |
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13 Nov 99 - 11:36 AM (#135471) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: JedMarum great stories! |
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13 Nov 99 - 12:17 PM (#135491) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: catspaw49 Brought skis in June? Really? Generally the roads are still impassable then aren't they? It would be awfully hard to get to the slopes I'm sure. Probably July would be better wouldn't it? Spaw |
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13 Nov 99 - 01:45 PM (#135535) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Caitrin Of course, spaw. I mean, it's hard enough to get past Canadian customs, much less the raods in June...nothing but ice. And all those bears and moose on the highway! |
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13 Nov 99 - 02:00 PM (#135546) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Liz the Squeak We had fun at Toronto airport customs once, travelling with a morris dance team. I had been given charge of a box of costume, which, due to its contents, looked like a big cardboard box with a large pole sticking out of it. Customs officer: What's in the bax maaaam? Me: 'Lion on a stick' CO. 'Beg yer pardon maaaaam' Me. 'It's a lions head on a stick' CO. 'OK maaaam, over there, keep yer hands where Ah can see 'em, open the bax reeeeeeeeal slow....' I open the box, revealing the model lions head on a stick. CO. 'OK maaaaam, sarry 'bout that, it is a lion on a stick. Just one question maaaam, why?' LTS |
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13 Nov 99 - 04:17 PM (#135606) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Sandy Paton How'd you get past customs with all those swords and sticks? Weapons all! They might have thought you were coming in to liberate Quebec. Sandy |
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13 Nov 99 - 07:21 PM (#135697) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Freddie Fox Not a stupid question, but a stupid answer... I get a phone from a gentleman wanting his washing machine repaired. Itake down his name, address, and phone number without any problem. Me; Can you tell me the make and model? Him; It's a washing machine. Me; Yes - do you know what make it is? Him; well, my wife usually does all the washing but she's out. Me; Does it have a manufacturers name on the control panel: Him; I don't know, it's a big white one. Me; OK, never mind. Can you tell me the problem? Him; It's not working. Me; Yes, I gathered that, but can you be a bit more specific? Him; Well, it doesn't go, does it? Me; OK, we'll see you at 12 o'clock tomorrow. Sometimes, you can't win. |
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13 Nov 99 - 08:31 PM (#135731) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: John of the Hill I thought everyone knew that when it is summer in the U.S., it's winter in Canada, and nighttime in Australia but two days later. John |
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13 Nov 99 - 08:53 PM (#135740) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Den Holy shit Liz you mean Canada customs is now using Texans to man Toronto airport. Den |
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13 Nov 99 - 09:14 PM (#135747) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Hummingbird A co worker asked me this the other day: Hey, do you know why when you see a flock of geese in a "V", one side is always longer than the other??????? > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > >>>> > > > >> > >> >>Because there are more geese on that side!!!!! LOL Hummer. |
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13 Nov 99 - 11:32 PM (#135776) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Caitrin They must be Canadian geese...they get confused about their symmetry in the US because of that hemisphere switch. |
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14 Nov 99 - 11:39 AM (#135923) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Bill Cameron I saw that flying V yesterday...but they didn't stop for me to count them, so I don't know, maybe they keep farther apart from each other on the longer side! The Banff park comments remind me of an American equivalent--a list of comment forms received by the US Park Service including such suggestions as "please straighten and level the trails, they're too winding and hilly", "a small deer stole my bag of pickles, can I apply for compensation?". Anybody got a copy--I lost it when my h.d. fried. By the way, just so yas don't think these lists are both just dumb questions asked by Americans, I'm pretty sure the last remark above was made by a Canadian...;>= Bill
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14 Nov 99 - 07:08 PM (#136076) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Alan of Australia G'day, Of course you realize that in Oz the the V doesn't go this way (L>R) it goes like this (L< R ). It's also the land where the crow flies backwards (to keep the dust out of its eyes).
Cheers, |
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15 Nov 99 - 08:04 AM (#136266) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Steve Parkes Hey, I was on the Columbia Ricefields in August this year, but they were all covered up by snow. Steve |
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15 Nov 99 - 08:09 AM (#136267) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Rana Hi Steve, So was I, but it was covered by people. Rana |
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15 Nov 99 - 11:27 AM (#136339) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Steve Parkes I don't remember you - what were you wearing? |
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15 Nov 99 - 01:48 PM (#136395) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Blackcat2 Stupid questions asked of me when I worked at Disney World 1985-87: What time is the 3 o'clock parade? Is the rain real? Are the birds real? Are the horses real? (usually asked after one drops a load - the horse, not the tourist) How do you make it rain? When do the pirates take their break? Can the Monorail drop me off in front of the Castle? (This is asked from a location where it can be clearly seen that there is no Monorail track anywhere near the Castle. Why don't you have a Southern accent? Which park do you go to when you're on vacation? My friend Bill works in EPCOT, do you know him? (this in a company with over 30,000 employees at the time) (While standing in the Magic kingdom) Where's the Magic Kingdom? Where is Disneyland? Where are the Sea World toys? Where is Shamu? How will I find my car if I didn't think to remember where it was? and the ultimate question, AND I SWEAR a fortyish man asked me this: Is Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog? pax yall |
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15 Nov 99 - 03:53 PM (#136445) Subject: RE: BS: More stupid questions From: Metchosin For those that don't know, Canadian traffic signs are bilingual. While driving with my husband I noticed a new bicycle lane and sign. I turned to him and said: I didn't know xing was French for bike!....... .....sometimes your brain just isn't in gear. |