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Lyr Req/Add:Carolling and Crumpets (J Kirkpatrick)

21 Nov 13 - 03:50 PM (#3577822)
Subject: Lyr Req: carolling and crumpets
From: GUEST,Fantum

I bought John Kirpatricks song Carolling and Crumpets and having played it through a few times I am trying to decide if it's worth learning. As the thing is nearly 7 minutes long it does need a bit of thought. It's a lot of effort for a song that may only get one or two outings a year and can I do it well enough to keep an audience entertained for 7 minutes. So please is there anybody with a copy of the lyrics that I could scrounge. I can transcribe from the original song but this might save me a lot of effort. If you have to spend any significant time on answering forget and this idle brute will do it.
Many thanks


21 Nov 13 - 04:37 PM (#3577833)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Carolling and Crumpets
From: Joe Offer

Reinhard Zierke has a nice page on John Kirkpatrick's Carolling and Crumpets album, but no lyrics. And I couldn't find lyrics at

The CD booklet is here, with lyrics:

I found the song on Spotify, and it's a good one...but I don't feel driven to transcribe it.

Nice to see a Christmas album with a Holstein on the cover. Holsteins remind me of home in Wisconsin, a good place to be at Christmas.


21 Nov 13 - 05:17 PM (#3577840)
Subject: ADD: Carolling and Crumpets (John Kirkpatrick)
From: Joe Offer

Well, I was able to OCR it, more-or-less....

(John Kirkpatrick, 2006)

There were eight maids a-milking their cows in the stall
When they took out their milk, there was no-one at all
But the mooing and chewing, it made such a din
And a night like no other was about to begin
Says Daisy, "My udders are bruised black and blue
I had that new rough one, she hasn't got a clue"
And they all started moaning how she'd made them sore
When they heard a clip-clopping right outside their door.

Then in comes a donkey with a man and a maid
"Hell's haystacks! What a journey!" the donkey he said
But before they could blink, she had brought forth a son
Laid him in the manger, with them all looking on
And the baby was piddling, and giggling with glee
Great pictures of Paradise he made with his wee
They hung in the air, glowing brighter than gold
All the glories of Heaven for them all to behold

"He's a pretty thing," said Buttercup, "but he's lying on our tea
And I don't mind admitting, I'm quite peckish now," said she
And a murmur of agreement went all round their shed
As the name of each cow shone over each head
Then a far greater light it shone down through the roof
There were cherubim and seraphim, all bursting with truth
And Gabriel, their gaffer, he arranged them in parts
To sing them a song, and here's how he starts:
     Gaudete, gaudete, Chistus est natus
     Ex Maria virgine, gaudete
       (Sing twice, to the normal tune)

"Well, I don't think he's local" said Hazel, in a huff
"I never heard such language, such a silly load of stuff"
Then up speaks young Parsley, the brains of the herd
"Why, you great daft old lummox, I caught every word,
They're having a party for the little baby boy
And we're all invited to share in their joy
There's a fine slap-up feast, and we shan't go without
If you listen to their chorus, you'll soon work it out."
     Cows eat hay, but today it's juiced tomatoes
     Eggs for tea the turkey lay yesterday (Sing twice)

The cattle are lowing, the baby awakes
And little Lord Jesus, he gave them all cakes
A scone for the donkey, and a bun for the hen
And each cow had a crumpet, Alleluia, Amen!
And Gabriel went round the heavenly host
With a glass of mulled wine each, and hot buttered toast
They were all in mid-guzzle, when shepherds came in
So they had to lay off, and have another sing.

As if that wasn't enough, then three kings did appear
"Flipping heck, who'll be next? It's like madness in here."
Poor Myrtle was flummoxed as the kings bowed their heads
"Gold, frankincense, and myrtle," she thought they had said
Says Parsley, "Wash your ears, girl, you're so blinking dense
They said 'Gold, and fur, and then making sense'
No use just being clever, common sense does the job"
And the others all nodded, save Myrtle, who sobbed.

That Gabriel came flying in for all he was worth
Said "As you were all witness to Jesus's birth
All beasts shall be honoured on this night every year
To speak just like humans, in words loud and clear."
"I won't know what to say, though" says Bluebell, all shy
"I think I'll just 'moo' if there's people close by"

"Well you won't catch me talking," said Hazel outright
But Gabriel looked shirty, so she closed her lips tight
He said, "It's a blessing being given unto you
Whatever folks ask you, just answer them true
And tell 'em what you saw here,
and tell them again
Of carolling and crumpets, Alleluia, Amen!"

Alleluia, Amen
Alleluia, Amen
Of carolling and crumpets, Alleluia, Amen.
(Repeat profusely)

©2006, Squeeze Music

21 Nov 13 - 06:24 PM (#3577861)
Subject: RE: req/ADD: Carolling and Crumpets (John Kirkpatrick)
From: Mo the caller

It's part of his Christmas show
which we saw last year and enjoyed. Touring again this yesr zigzaging the country from Kent to Cumbria.
A lot of carols etc. in versions different from the ones we knew best. And some to join in with too.

21 Nov 13 - 06:49 PM (#3577866)
Subject: RE: req/ADD: Carolling and Crumpets (John Kirkpatrick)
From: GUEST,Fantum

Thank you Joe and Mo for your efforts on my behalf, I did do a fair bit of googling but had failed dismally so I bow to your undoubted prowess on the web. Now to decide on what to do. My concern is less with me than how would it be received by an audience.
Is there no end to the questions?

Thank you both again

21 Nov 13 - 08:04 PM (#3577886)
Subject: RE: req/ADD: Carolling and Crumpets (John Kirkpatrick)
From: Joe Offer

Well, Ray, you have to have just the right audience for this:

        Cows eat hay, but today it's juiced tomatoes
        Eggs for tea the turkey lay yesterday

And you can't sing it for the same audience more than once a year.


22 Nov 13 - 12:14 PM (#3578071)
Subject: RE: req/ADD: Carolling and Crumpets (John Kirkpatrick)
From: GUEST,leeneia

1. Who would be your audience? A bunch of folkies in plaid shirts, holding banjos and guitars, would be all right. They're literary/philosophical enough to figure the song out. But a bunch of nursing-home patients or little kids would just think it's crazy.   

Is it set in the present or the past? It switches back and forth with dreamlike wooziness.

Who's Myrtle?

What does butter (from Buttercup) have to do with anything?

Little Lord Jesus gave them all cakes? Isn't he a newborn baby?

2. As for the part about the Baby urinating, that's the callow modern male for you. Babies are wonderful creatures, you know. They are soft, clean and warm, wonderful to hold. As a friend of mine once said, "They win your heart."

But say 'baby' to the typical modern male, and he instantly starts babbling about pee and poo. Calling them 'rugrats.' So stupid!

22 Nov 13 - 07:26 PM (#3578193)
Subject: RE: req/ADD: Carolling and Crumpets (John Kirkpatrick)
From: GUEST,Fantum

Thank you Joe and Jeeneia for your comments and my audiences are usually slightly older nice people with a good sense of humour and they tolerate me with good grace.
Jeeneia I looked with interest at your analysis of the song but in the recent past I analysed Kiplings poem Recessional and that was enough to keep me sated for a while so forgive me if I don't take up the discussion.
Your friends right about babies