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23 Jun 14 - 02:26 PM (#3636065) Subject: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Amergin So this American exchange student climbs into a giant stone vagina sculpture....and gets stuck. I figured that with the recent sadness we can use some levity...and besides, you know he'd love this one. Stuck In a Vagina |
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23 Jun 14 - 03:32 PM (#3636098) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Nigel Parsons I understand that when it rains the sculpture acts as a water spout. Cue "Stealer's Wheel" stuck in the piddle with you You must admit, he was a bit of a prick getting stuck there. |
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23 Jun 14 - 03:46 PM (#3636103) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST At my age, I've quite forgoten how to gain entrance to one in the first place ??? |
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23 Jun 14 - 03:46 PM (#3636104) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Bill D I...ummm.. don't think it needs a song. It sorta stands on its own. |
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23 Jun 14 - 03:55 PM (#3636105) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Rob Naylor This was my daughter#s "scoop"! She's a journalist with RT in Moscow and was sent the photos and story by an acquaintance in Germany. So she did a light-hearted "filler" story with the headline "It's A Boy" and also wondered whether it might be "statuary rape". From there the story was picked up by Huffington Post and then went viral in loads of other media, including the UK and Australia. I was speaking to her last night and she's embarrassed about it....she wants her work to become "known" and is normally very pleased if something she's written gets picked up by other organisations, but this one was so daft she's having the piss ripped out of her mercilessly in the office now! |
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23 Jun 14 - 04:47 PM (#3636122) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Bert ...and Blimey Mrs Murphy, if I couldn't get it out... |
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23 Jun 14 - 05:45 PM (#3636134) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Alan Day Thanks for a good laugh Al |
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23 Jun 14 - 05:52 PM (#3636135) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST,Tony Rath aka Tonyteach That old Irish ditty Fanny Power springs to mind. |
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23 Jun 14 - 06:29 PM (#3636144) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST,# "...and Blimey Mrs Murphy, if I couldn't get it out..." Bert, post the whole stanza :-) |
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23 Jun 14 - 06:48 PM (#3636151) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Gallus Moll - - vaginismus - -- - - bit like how canines do it? |
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23 Jun 14 - 06:56 PM (#3636153) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Jack Campin The statue sings... All around my twat I have a team of firemen With great big rippling muscles And enormous cans of lube. And if anybody asks me What the hell they're doing there I say it's for a Yankee Who was posing for YouTube. |
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23 Jun 14 - 07:02 PM (#3636155) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Rob Naylor Just spoke to daughter again....she's peeved that her cobbled-together non-story (written purely as "filler") has been FB shared directly over 22,000 times, plus tens of thousands more from dozens of other media pick-ups, and over 1300 re-tweets. Yet an in-depth and well-written expose she did a few weeks ago on developers vandalising architecturally important buildings in Moscow while "renovating" them, which led to direct intervention by the Deptartment of Cultural Heritage, police cordoning off one building from developers and a probable change in Russian Federal Law only got 120 re-tweets and shares combined, and wasn't picked up by ANY foreign media. She's a bit peeved that she's now known around the office as "stone vagina woman" rather than "woman who saved the Narkomfin Building". That's journalism, I suppose! |
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23 Jun 14 - 07:18 PM (#3636157) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Joe Offer Sounds like the Urban Legend that persists among prepubescent boys about getting involved in illicit sex and not being able to get out. We called them "old nun's tales" in Catholic school, but the nuns wouldn't touch a story like that with a ten-foot pole.... er, sorry, that metaphor didn't work as intended.... -Joe- |
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23 Jun 14 - 07:40 PM (#3636159) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Jeri Maybe a parody of "Waist Deep in the Big Muddy"? |
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23 Jun 14 - 08:24 PM (#3636163) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST,Pheasant Plucker Tubingen I wished to find a magic clitoris, Only for nights in a foreign land; I did fly over the deepest ocean, To find that sweet spot where to lay my hand. But my waist is wide and I cannot cross over, And neither have I the wings to fly; I wish I could meet a handsome fireman, To fetch me over, my love and I. Now I must pause in sad reflection, On happy times I spent so long ago; My former joys, and my great erection Have passed away like the melting snow. Now I'll spend my day in endless groaning, Hard is the stone, I can't get free; Oh to go back to the magic clitoris, Where once I sported in ecstasy. Now in Tubingen, it is reported, There are marble stones like a lady's front; For gold and silver I there resorted, But I was ill rewarded for my cunning stunt. I'm drunk today, I'll be drunk tomorrow, The drink I'll follow from town to town; Ah, but I'm stuck now, and my days are numbered, Come all you firemen, and take me down. © Pheasant Plucker Productions 24 June 2014 |
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23 Jun 14 - 11:35 PM (#3636197) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Bert You asked for it Guest,# Blimey Mrs Murphy Good morning Mrs Murphy, bless your heart and soul. I tried to fuck your daughter but I couldn't find her hole. I finally found her hole Sir beneath a golden flock, and blimey Mrs Murphy if I couldn't find my cock! I finally found my cock Sir beneath some folds of skin, and blimey Mrs Murphy if I couldn't get it in! I finally got it in Sir and wiggled it all about, and blimey Mrs Murphy if I couldn't get it out! I finally got it out Sir all red and sticky and sore, and blimey Mrs Murphy, if she didn't ask for MORE! |
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23 Jun 14 - 11:45 PM (#3636198) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: meself 'So she did a light-hearted "filler" story with the headline "It's A Boy" and also wondered whether it might be "statuary rape".' Those bear repeating - you have one comical daughter - congratulations! (Saving them old buildings wasn't so bad, either!). |
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24 Jun 14 - 01:07 AM (#3636214) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: JennieG For some reason the song "Stuck in the middle with you" keeps going round in my head...... |
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24 Jun 14 - 01:21 AM (#3636216) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST I believe there is a similar sculpture in the town of Sweet Lips, Tennessee.... Or at least there should be.... |
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24 Jun 14 - 03:07 AM (#3636229) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Mr Red "- - vaginismus - -- - - bit like how canines do it? " not forgetting lupus fer fox sake! |
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24 Jun 14 - 03:27 AM (#3636233) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST,LynnH Ah yes, a new twist on the rebirthing so beloved of those heavily into matters esoteric........? AS somebody on SWR3, the regional radio station covering Tübingen, said, "Why did they have to call in the fire brigade? A couple of gynaecologists and midwives would have done the job much quicker.....!" |
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24 Jun 14 - 03:50 AM (#3636234) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Big Al Whittle nothing could be finer than to be stuck in a vagina in the morning what a Freudian dilemma! Trapped inside your mama without warning! suddenly I 'm happy, my heart is going boom! boy oh boy! I have made it! on my way back to the womb! yeh! nothing could be finer than to be stuck in a vagina in the morning |
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24 Jun 14 - 10:31 AM (#3636302) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST,Tony Rath aka Tonyteach Fans of country music please look away now |
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24 Jun 14 - 11:00 AM (#3636304) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST More surprised to hear that exchange student even went any where near a vagina... Get the impression from observing internet chatter these days that young American males are far more obsessed with 'Anal' !!!??? |
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24 Jun 14 - 11:29 AM (#3636306) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Jeri Totally wrong way to go about being born again. |
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24 Jun 14 - 12:15 PM (#3636311) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST,John Foxen My heart went out to the daughter of Rob Naylor but as as veteran of her trade I can only think: "What else did she expect?" So in between writing headlines and hitting deadlines I've dashed off the Lady Journalist's Lament. I am a lady journalist I walk the Moscow beat I'm a multimedia mistress I can snap, and blog and tweet But of all my splendid stories there's just one that is well known. It's of a twat who stuck himself inside a twat of stone. I penned a searing expose that really ripped apart The cultural vandalism that's destroying Moscow's heart. It should have made my name but did it? No, I must be blunt. I'm famous for the c*** who got stuck in a concrete c*** I dreamed I'd be Anne Leslie, Marie Colvin or Kate Adie And prove that journalism is a suitable job for a lady My stories they'd repeat and tweet from Timbuktu to China But all they ever mention is that bloody stone vagina. Come all you lady journalists and listen unto me Here's what to do if ever you a funny tale should see Delete it don't repeat it and the chances then are slim You'll share my sorry fate – the lady of the sculpted quim. |
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24 Jun 14 - 12:34 PM (#3636315) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST,# I wonder if the artist has considered adding a fountain to Ah, never mind. |
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24 Jun 14 - 02:32 PM (#3636356) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Michael What sort of stone is it? Gneiss, I would say.Or possibly Oolite. Mike |
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24 Jun 14 - 05:44 PM (#3636391) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Rob Naylor John, that's brilliant.....I hope you won't mind if I forward it to her? |
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24 Jun 14 - 05:49 PM (#3636393) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Don Firth To quote Pete Seeger: How do I know my youth is all spent?With a nostalgic sigh...... These days it takes me all night to do what I used to do all night...... Don Firth |
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24 Jun 14 - 05:51 PM (#3636395) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Rob Naylor In fact, John, I have a hankering to put a tune to this and sing it unannounced next time I see her in a suitable setting. Fully attributed of course! Is that OK? |
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24 Jun 14 - 09:54 PM (#3636429) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Elmore Vagina is for lovers. |
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25 Jun 14 - 03:58 AM (#3636465) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Mr Red all a bit laboured if you ask me. |
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25 Jun 14 - 10:10 AM (#3636534) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Georgiansilver Fernando de la Jara made a pussy out of stone. As a work of art it makes heads turn although it stands alone. Much larger than originals, in a marble stone in tan. So large it is it can almost hold a slightly smaller man! The detail is quite accurate just like the real thing. It sure would make a super gift for President or King. Surrounded by loose chippings, it stands so very proud. Some say artistically it's soft and other very loud! Some say it's wasted money, it doesn't have a use. Others like to play with it... but surely that's abuse! A student tried to show its use by climbing in the hole. But fell whilst climbing out of it, the sorry little soul. Hopefully that pussy will stay throughout infinity. But we know that that erection, has now lost its virginity. Poor student hadn't realised that both his feet would stick. Or realise he would become a silly little prick! |
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25 Jun 14 - 11:10 AM (#3636558) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST,# Thank you, Bert. Anyone given any thought to a remake of the Hallelujah Chorus? Stone vagina, stone vagina, stone vagina, stone vagina, stone vagina It has possibilities, imo. |
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25 Jun 14 - 12:18 PM (#3636580) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST Lilac bush? I'M GOING BACK TO WHERE I CAME FROM (Jessie Mae Robinson) Spike Jones & his City Slickers (vocal: Del Porter) - 1944 I'm goin' back to where I come from, Where the honeysuckle smells so sweet it durn near makes you sick I used to think my life was hum-drum But I sure have leared a lesson that is bound to stick There ain't no use of me pretendin' The city just ain't no place for a guy like me to end in Goin' back to where I come from Where the mockin' bird is singin' in the lilac bush I used to go down to the station Every evenin' just to watch the Pullman train come rollin' in And then one night, that great temptation Got too great, so I just up and left my kith and kin I took my hat and fourteen dollars And I went through all the troubles of the plight that always follows When you're rich and huntin' romance But my huntin' days are over, I can tell you that I met a man in Kansas City An' he winked and asked me if I'd like to step around I said "Why, yes, why sure, that's what I'm here for, betcha life" So he said he'd take me to the hottest spots in town He mentioned things he'd have to fix up So he took my fourteen dollars but there must have been a mix up He's been gone since Monday evenin' And I've gotta hunch I'll never see that guy no more I'm goin' back to where I come from Where the mockin' bird is singin' in the lilac bush When I get old and have a grandson, I'll tell him 'bout my romance, and you watch his eyes pop out. But chances are he won't believe me So he'll do the same darn thing when he grows up, no doubt. But he can't say I didn't warn him, What will happen when he meets up with that city guy, gol darn him. I'm goin' back to where I come from Where the mocking bird is singin' in the lilac bush. |
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25 Jun 14 - 12:24 PM (#3636582) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST,# Man eats vagina is not a news headline. Vagina eats man--now ya got something. |
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25 Jun 14 - 05:07 PM (#3636650) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Cool Beans Oh, Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside a stone vagina with the Memphis blues again? |
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25 Jun 14 - 06:03 PM (#3636655) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST Did the fire brigade ease him out with KY jelly ??? Whatever, he probably feels a bit of a douche right now.... |
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26 Jun 14 - 02:11 AM (#3636711) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST,Frank The aging multi-billionaire required urgent eye surgery to prevent imminent blindness. He engaged an eminent ophthalmologist who performed a perfect operation and the patient regained total sight. As a gesture of his gratitude, the billionaire erected a magnificent new purpose built building for the ophthalmologist. As he was being shown around, the billionaire proudly displayed the entrance door to the building which was through a HUGE EYE. At this point the ophthalmologist burst out laughing. The billionaire enquired as to what was so amusing. I just recalled my Mother wanted me to be a GYNAECOLOGIST. |
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26 Jun 14 - 03:25 AM (#3636718) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Rob Naylor Hmmm, if my mum had told *me* she wanted me to be a gynaecologist, I'm sure I'd have ended up feeling a bit of a c***!!! |
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26 Jun 14 - 11:47 AM (#3636843) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Don Firth So this man is walking down the street and he spots a bunch of watches and clocks in the show window of a shop. No sign, just the display of time pieces. His digital watch needs a new battery and the watch band is getting a little ratty, and he has a bit of time, so he decides to take care of it. He enters the shop and he sees a middle-aged man sitting behind a counter, reading. He is wearing a yarmulkah, a skull cap, indicating that he is Jewish. He looks up when the man comes in. "I have this digital watch, and it needs a new battery. And the band needs replacing. Can you take care of it?" The man in the shop shakes his head and says, "No, I'm afraid not. I don't fix watches. I'm a mohel." "Uh—I'm sorry, but what is a mohel?" "I perform the brit milah, the ritual of circumcision." "Circumcision!?? But—then why do you have all those watches and clocks in the window?" The mohel responds, "So what would you put in the window?" Don Firth |
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26 Jun 14 - 02:26 PM (#3636889) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Tattie Bogle Enjoying the above posts: can't think of anything nearly as clever. But just to fit with the theme, my daughter had a forceps delivery under epidural on the day this post started so our new grand-daughter is no longer "stuck in a vagina". |
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26 Jun 14 - 02:51 PM (#3636899) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Don Firth Well, considering the sizes involved, I think that to get this guy free of the concrete vagina, they're going to need at least a fiveceps..... Okay, I'll go quietly...... Don Firth |
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26 Jun 14 - 04:15 PM (#3636918) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Cool Beans Very nice, Don! |
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27 Jun 14 - 04:01 AM (#3637026) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST,singing mate Song Challenge? Ok, here we go: I came up with this: "born again" fresh from the stone vagina cheers. |
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27 Jun 14 - 04:07 AM (#3637027) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST,singing mate "born again" music&lyrics: the singing mate 2014 it's hard being a young man in this world today every day is full of scary highs and lows you try to be the hero, brother, lover, friend some kind of emo macho, and it blows we want to be so different from our fathers we strive to be a model for our sons our mums tried hard to make us nice still girls go for the jock we need to get away from it for once take me back in your vagina let me back into your womb on days like this I'm just a lonely wuss I am lost in expectations let me rest inside your tomb I want to crawl right back into your puss I did not mean to die in there, it was a cry for help I need a bunch of hands to pull me through someone please call 911, I want the world to see what loneliness will make us young men do I know: you know it might well have been you take me back in your vagina let me back into your womb on days like this I'm just a lonely wuss I am lost in expectations let me rest inside your tomb I want to crawl right back into your puss 20 and two firefighters pulled me back to life without lube or pills, and no one cried 40 and four german hands: the awesomest midwife! and news went 'round the world: „er ist befreit" never had I seen one from the inside I had the chance and went for it, okay. It was so big, it drew me in, I had to! at least they will no longer call me gay. „I'm born again!" is what I'll later say from stone vagina comes my new birthday! |
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28 Jun 14 - 10:01 AM (#3637353) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST,John Foxen To Rob Naylor ... Sorry for the delay in replying. I've been away for a few days. Yes, please sing The Lady Journalist's Lament it to your daughter --as long as she's in a good mood. The vague tune that was running through my head when I scribbled it down was the A part of Humours Of California but use whatever tune you feel happy with. And tell her that as a gnarled old hack I do sympathise but in this game we often have little choice about what we become famous/infamous for. |
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29 Jun 14 - 07:43 AM (#3637578) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST,# A schematic might help with visualization. |
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29 Jun 14 - 02:29 PM (#3637692) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: JHW Hope he enjoyed his biscuit |
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29 Jun 14 - 04:09 PM (#3637724) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Don Firth Legal question: Are they going to charge the guy with statuary rape? Don Firth |
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29 Jun 14 - 05:09 PM (#3637743) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: GUEST Raises the interesting question whether religious choruses as practiced in Pentecostalist fellowships are or are not folk music. Certainly, they seem to follow the techniques of musical decoration leading to drift. If so, then is he going to be singing something to do with being Born Again? |
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29 Jun 14 - 05:12 PM (#3637744) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Georgiansilver Typical inflammatory GUEST comment!..... Bit of a pussy hiding under GUEST status eh? |
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29 Jun 14 - 05:13 PM (#3637745) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Georgiansilver Don... great question.... and good insight LOL :) :) |
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29 Jun 14 - 07:34 PM (#3637772) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Rob Naylor Thanks John! I'll check out "Humours Of California" and see how it fits. |
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30 Jun 14 - 05:34 PM (#3637895) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Charley Noble Mudcat is alive and well! LOL I particularly like the "Statutory Rape" charge. Charlie Ipcar |
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01 Jul 14 - 05:28 AM (#3637992) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Mr Red Hope he enjoyed his biscuit Did he risk it for a biscuit? As was said on UK Radio - the "News Quiz" - a panel game played purely for laughs. They love this kinda story. It might still be on the iPlayer at the BBC News Quiz until Sunday. Though it may be blocked to non UK surfers - use a proxy server maybe. "No tools were used in the delivery" |
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15 Apr 15 - 10:07 PM (#3702084) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Rob Naylor John Foxen, To re-visit this thread. I did actually set your song to "Humours Of California, and changed a couple of words. The lyrics I'm using now are: I am a woman journalist I walk the Moscow beat I'm a multimedia mistress I can snap, and blog and tweet But of all my splendid stories there's just one that is well known. It's of a twat who stuck himself inside a twat of stone. I penned a searing expose that really ripped apart The nekulturny vandals destroying Moscow's heart. It should have made my name but did it? No, I must be blunt. I'm famous for a statuary rapist of a concrete cunt. I dreamed I'd be a Leslie, a Colvin or Adie And prove that journalism is a job for a lady My stories would repeat and tweet from Timbuktu to China But all they ever mention is that bloody stone vagina. Come all you female journalists and listen unto me Here's what to do if ever you a funny tale should see: Delete it don't repeat it and the chances then are slim That you will share my awful fate - reporter of the quim. I've not exposed her to it yet, but it's become topical again for her, as she's being going for interviews for new jobs, and this story keeps being brought up again, so I'll "treat" her to it next time I see her. |
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16 Apr 15 - 02:21 AM (#3702108) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Songbird It is not a vagina, at best it is a vulva. A vagina is internal and very hard to spot!! |
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16 Apr 15 - 03:39 AM (#3702115) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Steve Shaw A vagina is internal and very hard to spot!! Gee. |
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16 Apr 15 - 05:52 AM (#3702131) Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Stuck in a Vagina! From: Ed T I recall once being stuck in Regina, Saskatchewan-does this count? |
