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11 Feb 16 - 02:09 PM (#3772055) Subject: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Since none of the political party candidates can get it right, I say we appoint an emperor.. I hereby appoint Rap.... |
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11 Feb 16 - 02:18 PM (#3772056) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Backwoodsman I hereby appoint oldude as vice-emperor. 👍 |
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11 Feb 16 - 02:25 PM (#3772057) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,David C. Carter Dan should be emperor of vice I think he's well versed in vice |
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11 Feb 16 - 02:29 PM (#3772059) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: fat B****rd Surely Dan should be President of the Watch Committee. |
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11 Feb 16 - 03:15 PM (#3772067) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,wysiwyg minus cookie I'm in. But only on birthdays. |
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11 Feb 16 - 04:25 PM (#3772074) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Lol ok I take vice emperor of vice stuff |
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11 Feb 16 - 04:27 PM (#3772075) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude We need a castle, I think we should let trump build a wall for it |
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11 Feb 16 - 04:29 PM (#3772076) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude I appoint will fly in charge of travel |
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11 Feb 16 - 04:33 PM (#3772077) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Sanders is in charge of beaches |
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11 Feb 16 - 06:50 PM (#3772098) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,# And on his birthday, too. :-) |
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11 Feb 16 - 07:25 PM (#3772104) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince So, is the emperor wearing new birthday clothes ? |
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11 Feb 16 - 08:04 PM (#3772111) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Amos The emperor is an insufferable narcissist, and what's worse a philosophical solipsist with delusional patterns of bipolarity. He would be a big improvement over any of the Repugnicans on the ballots. |
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11 Feb 16 - 08:42 PM (#3772120) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bill D He's an OUTSTANDING music stand, however. |
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11 Feb 16 - 08:47 PM (#3772122) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee You're right. There has never been a better music stand. |
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11 Feb 16 - 09:36 PM (#3772132) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Emperor? A mere emperor? That is far beneath his excellent see, as he is want to point out ad infinitum, and to beyond. |
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11 Feb 16 - 09:47 PM (#3772134) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell Why would anyone want to be an emperor? You'd have to move to Antarctica and spend the winter standing on an ice floe trying to keep an egg warm. |
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11 Feb 16 - 10:28 PM (#3772138) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Living in buffalo, I am use to that weather beebub |
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12 Feb 16 - 12:31 AM (#3772148) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Backwoodsman You live in a buffalo dude? Is it dead? |
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12 Feb 16 - 12:52 AM (#3772149) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ebbie JFYI, Rap's birthday evidently is tomorrow (for the persnickety of y'all, I recognize that it is his birthday *anniversary*) so let's go easy on the aged. Humph. I just re-read this thread and it appears that it sprang into being *because* you know that it's Rap's birthday. Sometimes I am dim. Verily. |
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12 Feb 16 - 01:57 AM (#3772150) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Little Hawk Three of Chongo's buddies react to the idea of Rap becoming Emperor.... nervous little "ook ook" sounds.... |
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12 Feb 16 - 08:49 AM (#3772203) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Why should your Emperor settle for underlings when Chongx itself is available? Your Emperor thanks you. Your Emperor herewith appoints and commissions, by revokable Imperial Writ, olddude as Enforcer and Bouncer Extraordinary w/Portfolio. Your Emperor has done stranger things than sitting on an egg until it hatches, for Your Emperor is a retired librarian and dealt for many, many years with the |
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12 Feb 16 - 10:15 AM (#3772212) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude I sat on gum once, does that count. |
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12 Feb 16 - 12:19 PM (#3772241) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Little Hawk My God...that is the UGLIEST ape I have ever seen! You know, Chongo usually doesn't much like Orangutans. |
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12 Feb 16 - 02:58 PM (#3772295) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude The emperor need a anthem any suggestions |
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12 Feb 16 - 03:03 PM (#3772296) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude I tried to write one but nothing rymes with opossum |
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12 Feb 16 - 03:10 PM (#3772299) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince flotsam ? |
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12 Feb 16 - 03:16 PM (#3772302) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Lol maybe, the opossum is the symbol of the new state... I think the muskets can be in charge of security since they are loaded and maybe we can get steve shawls to take over the dress code.. How about it guys |
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12 Feb 16 - 05:00 PM (#3772325) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu ocarina? (in honor of catspaw) |
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12 Feb 16 - 08:36 PM (#3772356) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee I hereby do appoint Catspaw49, known colloquially as Spaw, the Patron Saint and Spiritual Leader of This, Our Empire. Let it be done as I say! Corripe Cervisiam! |
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12 Feb 16 - 08:52 PM (#3772358) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Agree, he is laughing his ass off |
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13 Feb 16 - 12:05 AM (#3772371) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Stilly River Sage Good move. I miss Spaw. (posted as former name - Acme) |
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13 Feb 16 - 07:03 AM (#3772383) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Ditto Acme. |
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13 Feb 16 - 01:54 PM (#3772444) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu what happened to the possum? |
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13 Feb 16 - 02:19 PM (#3772450) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu I am sure he's still safe and sound. I have Spaw's word on that... Subject: RE: BS: Cleigh O'Possum: I'M LEAVING! From: catspaw49 - PM Date: 30 Aug 01 - 08:30 PM It's news to me Sins! As a matter of fact he's been real happy lately and "Artie" has been a lot of company to him. Artie seems to be a real hoot to Cleigh and I just went in and looked and Artie is swingin' and Cleigh is grinning like always.........said they were both pretty happy! I think we have an impostor here trying to stir up trouble. Cleigh has been really happy to since Cletus went cross-eyed staring at Artie's head bouncing and tail swinging. THAT really endeared him to Cleigh so I don't think that was for real at all!!!! Spaw Memories... sweet memories. |
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14 Feb 16 - 11:13 AM (#3772642) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Who is Vice Emperor? |
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14 Feb 16 - 11:20 AM (#3772643) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T "An emperor needs only his imagination." ― Lionel Suggs |
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14 Feb 16 - 03:08 PM (#3772693) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Me, I'm in charge of vice |
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14 Feb 16 - 10:16 PM (#3772793) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee All vice is licensed by the Emperor. So is all non-vice. What is not mandatory is forbidden, except that the forbidden can become mandatory. I have spoken. |
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14 Feb 16 - 10:31 PM (#3772794) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Exactly |
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15 Feb 16 - 12:28 AM (#3772805) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG And Mrs Rap for Empress? Should she need some regalia, I have a gen-u-ine 1960s rhinestone tiara (a very pretty sparkly little trinket it is too) which I will hire out for quite a reasonable fee. |
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15 Feb 16 - 09:36 AM (#3772882) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee She still have her opera-length kid gloves (no, I'm not kidding -- she grew up in DC). Besides, a tiara would go to her head. |
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15 Feb 16 - 11:28 AM (#3772898) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Our currency is the bong with the picture of the emperor |
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15 Feb 16 - 03:15 PM (#3772950) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Groan...... |
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15 Feb 16 - 04:29 PM (#3772964) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Lots of things will fall through the cracks of article 22 of forbidden mandatoriousness. That's when the wisdom of an emperor will shine or display the truth of a squatting monkey. |
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15 Feb 16 - 05:01 PM (#3772972) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Exactly and smile when you say that partner |
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15 Feb 16 - 05:03 PM (#3772974) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu re:vice what would catspaw do? |
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15 Feb 16 - 05:24 PM (#3772985) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude You would have to listen to non stop yolding while locked in a room with a fat guy who ate twenty spicy burritos |
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15 Feb 16 - 06:24 PM (#3772995) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Rap you know the book never published is in the anals / annals of the posts that Spaw posted under three different names. I would begin with the Eureka post of waking up with profound inspiration. Some come in sequence and a number f brain droppings would fill it out to the end. The title? Naked Truth of the squatting monkey or... $ goes to widow and son. |
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16 Feb 16 - 12:51 PM (#3773136) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Severn O, Master of all empirical and Empire-acal, whose Rap Id leads us by fast thinking. While we regale ya about regalia, here's a few suggestions: We should gale ya a first time, for a start. We need an official Empire Umpire with a supreme quart always at his or her side, and sighed with the Emperor when someone emps it up too high. So that you don't become an Em-poorer, we need a trusty treasurer to watch over the money supply, seeing that prosperity flows freely to all of his predicated subjects and keep any of Rap's rapacity below capacity. All would-be anthem composers, remember that Possum, that some folks eat raw some rhymes with "awesome". If one gets them mad, it tends to cause 'em claw some with their paw some, cause they don't like folks to boss 'em. But in the end, the finished song should be superior to even anything that Walt Kelly wrote for Pogo. Being a huge Pogo fan, Bill Day should head up the Anthem Judging Committee. The winning song will be premiered by olddude playing his old oud. Give Mrs. Rap a Tiara Del Fuego that she can wear lower down. Rap's crown should either come from Imperial Margerine or have at one time been worn by Clifton Chenier on tour. An occasional turban to give Rap a good wrap on his noggin with a large gemstone of some sort on the front. Shouldn't we have some different faces on the coinage than the paper money? Chongo, for one, makes a lot of them. Whaddaya think, folks?....... |
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16 Feb 16 - 01:33 PM (#3773151) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Now why didn't the rest of us think of "awesome"? Of course it rhymes. |
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16 Feb 16 - 02:00 PM (#3773162) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Youaalways make me burst out laughing Severn... Priceless Lol |
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16 Feb 16 - 02:05 PM (#3773165) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude What are your first edicts oh enlightened emperor rapparee, your wish commands us loyal subjects |
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16 Feb 16 - 03:02 PM (#3773181) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Severn Don't tell me he's one of those e-dict haters or an edict-tator or even an e-duct taper. Anything's possible on line, I guess. |
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17 Feb 16 - 05:46 AM (#3773298) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: David C. Carter An Emperer needs an Empire. I don't see one. Remember Napoleon,don't go there! Bob Dysleksick |
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17 Feb 16 - 06:01 AM (#3773301) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: David C. Carter And you need one of those funny hats,that spins round when you're driving with the top down. Bob Dystopia |
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17 Feb 16 - 07:00 AM (#3773308) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gillymor Hail to the Beef! |
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17 Feb 16 - 09:07 AM (#3773319) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee In this, the sixth day of Our reign, the following is mandatory for the Health and Happiness of Our subjects: First, that all shall be happy, Second, that We should be happier than everyone else, Thirdly, that everyone else has more money than We, Fourthly, that contrary to the Olde Sayinge, money can buy at least a facsimile of happiness, It is Therefore Ordered: That all of you, Our subjects, shall within the next forty-five days (including weekend, holidays, holy days, sick days, personal leave days, feast days, famine days, Lent, Easter, and all times wherein the Earth Our Domain does rotate around upon its axis in a Solar Day (as defined by the International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service (IERS) as 86164.098 903 691 seconds of mean solar time (UT1) (23h 56m 4.098 903 691s)), shall send to Us all wealth, valuta, jewelry, jewels, gold (that is, the element with atomic number 79 and having a standard atomic weight (±) (Ar) of 196.966569 and an electron configuration of [Xe] 4f14 5d10 6s1 or per shell 2, 8, 18, 32, 18, 1) and other inanimate rare and valuable things (as defined by the society in which Our subjects live). Failure to comply with This, Our first ruling, shall call down upon those failing the Wrath of olddude who shall salt their fields, burn their hovels and huts, and otherwise cause unto them Annoyance Great, which shall not exclude the playing of the banjo at ungodly hours. Given at My Seat Of Power this Sixth Day of Our Reign and the First Year of the New Calendar, by Your Beloved Emperor Rapparee ® (his mark) |
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17 Feb 16 - 10:36 AM (#3773332) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Amen your most esteemed |
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17 Feb 16 - 12:05 PM (#3773352) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Inaminate but tangible things. We do not want your thoughts or words, We want your obedience and valuables. Emperor Rapparee ® His Mark |
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17 Feb 16 - 01:14 PM (#3773368) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: David C. Carter Beware the Ides of March |
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17 Feb 16 - 04:44 PM (#3773415) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Any weaponry has to be turned over to me.. Especially if you have a tommy gun |
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17 Feb 16 - 06:22 PM (#3773427) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Severn Just what are we getting esteemed up about? Rap'll be disappointed, bless his appointed little head, as I haven't much use for any shiny rocks that don't play LPs. I don't know what I like better about precious metals, gemstones and jewelry, the fact that the stuff tastes so good or the fact that it keeps me warm at night when I cuddle up to it. In short, the stuff's highly overrated, so I'll have none to send. You'll have to test my mettle without much metal by meddling in other ways and probably giving yourself a medal for your efforts. And what will become of all those weapons due or overdued to olddude. It is my belief that no man should posses more arms than, say, a squid. That he's prostituted himself for this mongrel whored of lethal stuff, begs the question ("Can I ask it? Huh? Huh? Can I, can I, can I, puhleeeze?") what he will DO with such an armory. And I'm sad to say that the most I've been offered so far by the present regime is the post of Naval Attaché To Nepal, with no mention of salary, much less, amount of salary. "I'm the one who made you free", says Rap and I'm sure you're worth every penny of it....." That's gratitude for you. But, as I said, I'm one who doesn't pick, and eschews precious stones and other like sucheries..... |
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17 Feb 16 - 06:30 PM (#3773429) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We now, in Our wisdom, do appoint Severn as Emissary and Commisary Plentypenitentiary With and Without Portbottle to The Duchy of Grand Fenwick and We authorize him to act in whatever way seems most reprehensible at the time, as long as he continues to pay for his orifice from Us. Emperor Rapparee |
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17 Feb 16 - 06:58 PM (#3773432) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Lol indeed oh grand employer... And Severn Some day youse will Thanks me fer the whipons |
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18 Feb 16 - 12:29 AM (#3773457) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Sorry, Rapping Emperor, I leige to you in every way possible......but you are not getting my tiara. It stays here. That, however, is probably cancelled out by the fact that I do not now, and have never done in any way, shape or form, played a banjo. So that makes us square. I get to keep my tiara, and in return I promise not to assault the Imperial Ears by plunking the Instrument of Torture. |
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18 Feb 16 - 09:39 AM (#3773555) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We in Our Wisdom do hereby and immediately appoint and name Jennie G, in all of her ramifications and notions, Our Imperial Torturer, with all of the Rights and Privileges and Banjos appertaining there unto, and We further grant her as her wages, salaries, and pay for this position all of the Iscreams she cares to enjoy, and further she may enjoy the Torturer's Quarters in Our dungeons and oubliettes, not excluding the use of the swimming pools, executive flying machines, yachts, saunas, wine cellars, chefs, and dining rooms accompanying said Quarters. Long may she wave! Given on this, the First Year of Our reign, on the 18th day of February and the 7th after Our Birthday. Emperor Rapparee ® His mark |
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18 Feb 16 - 12:04 PM (#3773584) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude I can loan her my banjo.. And a tuner not that it's needed |
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18 Feb 16 - 12:17 PM (#3773589) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gillymor Don't let all this genuflection and fawning behavior go to your head, Emp, while it's still attached to your neck, that is. |
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18 Feb 16 - 02:32 PM (#3773620) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel RSVP Dear Emperor, you are honorably invited to The Rotunda at 5 PM Stardate 2344.76' Chipolte' buffet will be provided in your honor. |
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18 Feb 16 - 04:23 PM (#3773630) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Mexican food we don't eat no stinking Mexican foids.. Not the emperor he only gets French stuff from the swedish, cajun, Indian, cook |
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18 Feb 16 - 04:37 PM (#3773634) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Severn, E & CP W/ & W/O P to the Emperor The sign on the door said Rap For Emperor. I rapped and rapped on said door in all sorts of patterns from three times to "Shave & A Haircut" until my fist got sore in case there was some sort of secret code to it all, and I achieved a state of "Rap", sure, but nobody was paying rapped attention, so there was no answer. Maybe I just gave a bum rap (like when I gave my ex a fake fur, a faux fox). I even rang the bell a few times, because the name Rap seemed to ring one, so why shouldn't I, as well? I hate to knock rap for not at least sending a Rapresentitive of some sort to spond at least once, as I knocked for Rap until Taps without any sort of sult at least once. I can only think that Raparee must have temporarily closed down for Rapaires. I was just trying to bring him the painting I did of our new capital entitled "Rap City In Blue". Oh, well. Tomorrow's yet another one, eh Scarlett? Maybe two...... As I type this,I still remember the Duchy Of Grand Fenwick, that I'd thought Peter had used enough, but if our esteamed up leader wants to send me there, it's there I'm bound, to go along with this gag. Computer mice, alas, do not roar...... |
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18 Feb 16 - 04:45 PM (#3773635) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Gee thanks, Your Imperialness! Mwaahaahaahaa.......come into my dungeon, my pretties..... plink.... |
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18 Feb 16 - 05:52 PM (#3773642) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu But, who will be in charge of Takin Names and Kickin Ass? Spaw ain't around no more... he was the best ever. I think it should go to someone with his spirit in the FUCK YOU and the white horse you rode in on you broke dick mamaluccas department. Maybe Big Mick? Now, there's a guy who can, and has, kicked some serious ass. I dunno. Help me out here. |
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18 Feb 16 - 09:28 PM (#3773666) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Big Mick is and has been the Successor to the late Spaw, and has been the Person In Charge Of Kicking Ass And Taking Names (PICOKAATN) for quite some time. You will address him by his Title and Name: Picokaatn Big Mick SIR!. We have spoken. Emperor Rapparee ® His Mark |
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18 Feb 16 - 09:40 PM (#3773668) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel future famous last words Et tu Big Mick? |
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18 Feb 16 - 11:31 PM (#3773679) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude I agree with big mick, please note not big dick but mick.. Get it right peasants.. Oh yes Did you try using the password Severn... I bet not.. It's not just the knocking. Or the girl the emperor knocked up.. But the password has to be used |
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19 Feb 16 - 09:39 AM (#3773760) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We have designated the phrase "Emperor Rapparee Is My Lord And Master And Always Will I Follow His Wise Dictates" as the base for the password, which is "ER!ML@MAawIFHwD." This may be disseminated widely, as Mistress Jennie G. awaits those who befoul this Our realm. Note ye well, We have put the base phrase and the password in the unbreakable code developed by those worthy denizens of MOAB so that We may pass it on to you. Given by Our fingers this day the 19th of February, in the first year of Our reign, Emperor Rapparee ® His Mark |
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19 Feb 16 - 10:30 AM (#3773764) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Please note, the password swordfish not longer works due to the grand exhaled emperor bequest |
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19 Feb 16 - 11:07 AM (#3773768) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gillymor Somebody better tell Harpo. |
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20 Feb 16 - 12:06 AM (#3773902) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG We will shortly be taking bookings for a tour of the Imperial Dungeons, with the proceeds going straight into the Imperial Coffers (not coffins, you ignorant peasants/pedants) in order to further His Imperial Goodness Gracious Rapparee's munificence to his subjects. We can guarantee an ear-splittingly finger-wrenchingly good time! BYO banjo optional. For those who don't have access to such an Instrument of the Gods, some will be available for hire at a modest cost. We won't be asking an arm and a leg. To book, please reply to OurImperialTorturer@thecastle.org. Please have credit/debit/Christmas card details ready. |
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20 Feb 16 - 12:30 AM (#3773905) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude However I recall a ban on accordions or was it a band |
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20 Feb 16 - 11:28 AM (#3773955) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: David C. Carter It was bodhrans |
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20 Feb 16 - 12:53 PM (#3773982) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee No music or noise producing instrument is permissible save for the banjos in Our dungeons and that Instrument Of God, the trumpet and its relatives such as the bugle, shofar, lur, cornet, and flugelhorn. No others are permitted without a license granted by Us. Those desiring such a license must entertain Us and Our Court for not less that two continuous hours with no more than two off-key or other false notes offending Our hearing. Given this 20th day of February in the First Year of Our Reign, Emperor Rapparee ® His Mark |
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20 Feb 16 - 03:20 PM (#3774007) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel But the Conch is the most pure in tone while the shofar sounds like the results of a intestinal flu. |
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20 Feb 16 - 03:50 PM (#3774012) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Your Imperialness, I was wondering......how about an ensemble of crumhorns and sackbutts? I was thinking such an ensemble could be useful for torturing the recalcitrant, on the principle that no one could withstand questioning under the dulcet tones emanating therefrom. It could be useful for extracting information previously withheld from Your Good Self. Yours Respectfully, Our Imperial Torturer JennieG |
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20 Feb 16 - 04:18 PM (#3774021) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Our Imperial Torturer, Jennie G., has Our permission to use whatever is necessary to extract information and whatever else has been withheld from Us. She may ten percent of all tangibles as her reward. Given this 20th Day of February in the first year of Our reign, Emperor Rapparee ® His Mark |
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20 Feb 16 - 10:20 PM (#3774057) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Many thanks, Oh Gracious Imperial Sire! How goes it in other parts of the Great Empire? Being stuck down here in the Imperial Oubliette, as one is, means that one misses out on happenings in the big world out there. By the Imperial way, that was tangibles not tangerines? Respectfully Yours, As Ever, Our Imperial Torturer JenieG |
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21 Feb 16 - 06:38 AM (#3774095) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Honey (Murcott) Tangerines are in season. Best thing in the world that you peel. Well, at least second best. I nominate them as The Official Fruit of The Empire. |
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21 Feb 16 - 02:04 PM (#3774164) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Severn Reply to Famous Future Last Words----"Oui, je suis Big Mick!....". Some of us retain a bit of our first year French......Followed, of course, with a chorus of "He Ain't Gonna Reigh No More" (or even arraign)...... If they're not tan, why not call them "Orange Gerines"? They DO put the 'tang' in 'tangibles'.... Shofar?--No good! Surely, our musicians could use a good conch or two upside the head Strombus gigas, preferably. Nothing like a little shell shock to raise the general conch-iousness. As long, of course, as they don't end up sounding like Lawrence's Whelk Orchestra, or the like. Lawrence should go back to being a Floren Contractor. A band with accordians that SHOULD be banned, even "The Gossipal Accordian To Lawrence" show on Sundays....... I'm sure Jennie will be known as "the one who put the 'dung' in dungeons" for eons to come...... Speaking of dung, someone please give me the password, or at least the rest room key, or some words WILL pass, among other things.... After that, if I'm going to Grand Fenwick, I'd better go pack my Duchy Bags..... |
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21 Feb 16 - 02:55 PM (#3774167) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Can't stop laughing, you are priceless Severn |
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21 Feb 16 - 03:45 PM (#3774181) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Severn .......And worth every damn penny! Affordable Art! Even in....uhhhh.....what are they calling the Empire's currency these days?...... I've found that, at least locally, the Empire's currency can't be passed, which bodes ill for the future. I'm swept away by this currency and am unable to reach the banks. Our treasurer informs me that they will forge ahead, nonetheless, nonethemore.... Say, who IS our treasurer, anyway? Whoever it is, Rap should make them a Count for themselves (Or a Countess, if applicable).... Hey! How come all the various coins have different women's faces on them that all claim to be pictures of Acme? Will they get us through the troll booths? (In the Empire, we apparently get charged for passing UNDER bridges).... A copper whatever for your thoughts...... |
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22 Feb 16 - 11:44 AM (#3774310) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude In order to keep inflation down all of our coins are made of highly active uranium. This also spurs the economy by people passing them off to others as soon as they get them. That's why our economy is so strong even if some people have three ears and seven fingers. A small price to pay |
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22 Feb 16 - 11:44 AM (#3774312) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude In order to keep inflation down all of our coins are made of highly active uranium. This also spurs the economy by people passing them off to others as soon as they get them. That's why our economy is so strong even if some people have three ears and seven fingers. A small price to pay |
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22 Feb 16 - 05:38 PM (#3774373) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince Speaking of troll booths |
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22 Feb 16 - 07:25 PM (#3774396) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Severn Hey, olddude! Get a half-life..... Does this mean I can empty out my piggy bank into a nuclear reactor and work toward tests to make us a World Power? Any anium of yours is an anium of mine. Remember the song "Watching Scotty Glow"? Was that Steve Goodman?..... |
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22 Feb 16 - 07:36 PM (#3774398) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Correct Severn |
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23 Feb 16 - 03:32 PM (#3774589) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Severn On all counts? |
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23 Feb 16 - 06:30 PM (#3774622) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude I am not a count, I am a duke of early |
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23 Feb 16 - 07:15 PM (#3774625) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu ....of early whereabouts? |
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24 Feb 16 - 11:48 AM (#3774743) Subject: RE: BS: Emp for raperor From: GUEST,Severn I thought you were Count Noah. My missed steak, though I can see the deep Dukey side of you, olddudoo. A Discount Viscount would have been my choice for you..... If the early bird gets the worm, what does the early Duke get?..... When you die, will you be The Late Duke Of Early or merely The Duke Of Late?...... Wouldst thou put up thy dukes against The Count Of Knight?..... |
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24 Feb 16 - 12:02 PM (#3774744) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Lol you need to write a book, so I can club you with it Lol priceless. Can't stop laughing |
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25 Feb 16 - 12:54 AM (#3774880) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We will shortly proclaim more proclamations during this, Our imperial visit to the Kingom of Hawai'i to accept their submission and pledges of fealty to Us. |
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25 Feb 16 - 01:08 PM (#3774979) Subject: RE: BS: Rump for apperor From: Severn Maybe I need to write a book so that everybody can tell me how much better it was than the movie, and a book club choice, besides. However, I'd need money to finance either of those things. Can I get a grant from The Rappire's Council for the Arts. I was denied by the New England Council for the Auts, as I wasn't autistic enough, and they wouldn't put it on paper......(Sigh!). I guarantee that the readers will be turning pages over even faster than our Congressfolk..... Your Royal Hyenas, please remember the probre native behavior when sailing in Hawai'i. When you're sailing away into the sunset, you turn back to the shore and cry out "ALOHA!". When you are sailing into the SUNRISE, you point your finger at the sun and cry out "DAWN, HO!" Good luck on their submission, should they choose to accept it. They may just take you for one of those impossible missionaries...... Should we refer to our Affairs of State (along with our state of affairs) just as "Govern" until we detect proof of anything "Mental"?...... |
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25 Feb 16 - 01:18 PM (#3774983) Subject: RE: BS: Reap for Grimperor From: Severn "Proper Native Behavior", that is. Sorry! I type like a Ha-wino on the Dole. I'll start taking my pineapple juice straight from now on..... Oh, and, virtuoso uke-arist that you are, don't go playing "Lava Come Back To Me" while standing on Mona Loa..... |
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25 Feb 16 - 02:28 PM (#3775001) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu I would like to nominate as The Official Flower of The Empire the Chrisaanthamum... Crysanthemom... Chrys... Dandelion. |
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25 Feb 16 - 03:07 PM (#3775011) Subject: RE: BS: Rope for the emperor From: Severn Dan DeLion. Staglee shot his brother, didn't he? I nominate The Venus Flytrap. The Hooded Merganser as the official bird. The Sea Lion as the official Great Seal of The Republic. And we need a flag design...... |
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25 Feb 16 - 03:16 PM (#3775013) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu "The Hooded Merganser as the official bird."??? Fuck a duck! Nay, nay, nay! The Ruby Throated Hummingbird is the King of all birds. Why, an Hbird could kick the living shit out of any number of ducks, Daffy or not. The Hbird is exactly what the Empire needs to strike back against the oppression of large, foul tasting fowl. Duck? Yuck! I say The Ruby RULES! Who's with me? If you are not with me... DUCK! Them little buggers got sharp beaks!!! |
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25 Feb 16 - 04:04 PM (#3775020) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Severn I love hummers, but the Hooded Merganser looks like a duck designed by a committee, which seems appropriate for the present regime..... For a Ruby Throat to be truly King, he must have documented proof that he had perched on the back of the Wren who had perched on the back of the Eagle in that contest for the crown so long ago in Ireland.... Besides, I don't think that Rap wants any other legitimate monarchs around to pose any sort of threat to his seat of power. Not only could a Ruby Throat kick the ass of a fucked-up duck, I'd be tempted to give it good odds head-to-head against our Exalted Emperor.... Eh, gnu, brew? Tay?.....It's my round..... |
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25 Feb 16 - 04:07 PM (#3775021) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude We lease the hounds, attack I say |
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25 Feb 16 - 04:08 PM (#3775023) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Lol |
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25 Feb 16 - 04:11 PM (#3775024) Subject: RE: BS: Rip for Armperor From: Severn (With apologies to Tom Lewis) Oh, Mother F*ck, bring me a duck With beaks as sharp as razors For him who dotes on Ruby Throats And other such e-mailers....." |
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25 Feb 16 - 06:01 PM (#3775041) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Your Gracious Goodness, will you be needing Our Imperial Torturer's presence on your visit to the Pacific Kingdom? I have in my possession three (3) ukuleles, a soprano, a tenor and a baritone (no castrato uke, and as yet, alas, no bass uke) so should you need something other than the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble (or EBE for short) to serenade you and Her Imperial Highness Patricia whilst boarding, sailing or embarking on your journeys I'm sure we could round up a few ukeists for the job. Also, I have been meaning to ask......now that Your Empire is gaining a floral emblem, a state bird and a great seal, what about uniforms for your subjects? Do you have any ideas on this? I personally myself am quite fond of lime green, and as Our Imperial Torturer feel sure that a chartreuse uniform would strike terror into the hearts of all who beheld it. |
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25 Feb 16 - 08:06 PM (#3775070) Subject: RE: BS: Zap for hemperor From: GUEST,Severn Lime Lame, like the Young Elvis on St. Party's Night? I don't think all your subjects need uniforms. We're not in Catholic School or anything. The Armed Services, however, could use some. I'm not sure what lime green and chartreuse camo would blend in with. Jennie sounds like one who would prefer Camel flogging to camoflauging, one who doesn't prefer to hide her charms.... However, all you Fashists, or whatever you call the fashion conscious (That would leave me out, as anyone who knows me would be the first to tell you), should submit your ideas on all this stuff. Flowers uniforms birds etc. Speaking of birds, though, and getting back to gnu's contention that the Ruby Throated Hummingbird rules the avian kingdom rather than the Wren, try to imagine going out on St. Stephen's Day with your little box singing: "A hummer, a hummer, is dead. What a bummer! But we'll accept money from any comer Although you're a lover of watching them hover....." Awwww,enough already! You get the idea. It's just not the same. Maybe the Ruby Throat Boys should just hum tunes as they go door to door collecting money and assume people know what they're humming about, but I doubt it would prove effective. Wrens are hard enough to catch, but you can at least stick a cork in the tiny entrance hole of one of the wooden houses folks put out in the yard for them and suffocate them. Try catching the wily hummer or even locate their nest. You could mix liquid arsenic with the contents of the hummingbird feeder in your yard and watch them suddenly plummit to the ground, I suppose.... Whaddaya think? |
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25 Feb 16 - 08:15 PM (#3775072) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Was that lease the hounds, or loose the hounds ?? Oh goodness. I nearly typed, just now, Rugby Throated Hummingbirds. What ails my fingers! Anyhow, the hummingbirds. It all depends on what you make of Las Vegas showgirls, because that's what the ruby throaters remind me of, sequins and all. Not for me to say whether or not the Emperor goes for showgirls in sequins. |
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25 Feb 16 - 08:25 PM (#3775074) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Oh no, no, no, Severn......I wasn't thinking of a uniform uniform for all His Imperialness's subjects, just those specifically in his service, i.e. the Imperial Bodyguard, the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble (or EBE), etc. And perhaps for your good self, as Poet Parakeet? I can understand your wish to stand out from His Imperial Whatever's other subjects by your wit, so perhaps something amazing by way of headgear......something like this perhaps? |
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25 Feb 16 - 09:00 PM (#3775081) Subject: RE: BS: Ramp for enterer From: GUEST,Severn I'll just be a plain poet without a pair o' Keats or a single Shelley. And we never had a family crest that wasn't in a tube..... Rap hasn't the Vegas notion, but like Liberace, he's an orderly sort who likes everything in its proper sequins...... |
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26 Feb 16 - 12:03 PM (#3775183) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude It's imperial potentate of purrwasion oh cousin of Kenny g |
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26 Feb 16 - 12:51 PM (#3775189) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude No we lease the hounds, from michael Vick |
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26 Feb 16 - 03:41 PM (#3775212) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Oh, Dan. That's baaaad! >;-) I nominate me for Chief Game Warden of the Empire on accounta I am game for it. Plus, I know how to poach... ahhh... I know the tricks of the trade so I can outsmart any war... ahhh... poacher. If appointed, my first act will be to hire Troy Landry to be Assistant to The Chief Game Warden, Moat Security. Troy will be more than able to ensure the gators in the moat do not cause any problems at The Emperor's Castle but we'll have to move fast on hiring Troy as his present employment is ending soon and I am sure he will sought by companies in the moat business. |
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26 Feb 16 - 04:04 PM (#3775221) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Ok I will ask the great potentate, or was it great potatoes.. I get so cornfused |
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26 Feb 16 - 08:43 PM (#3775262) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,The Donald That deal where we mixed Iridium 92 with gold was really great. Profits were 100%. Also the Platinum like by products from old reactors has been better than a gold mine. Especially with our sales to dentists to use as filings. We have some radioactive diamond deals that are greatest of all. Call me when you want to deal' thanks Rap baby. |
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27 Feb 16 - 01:14 PM (#3775350) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Chernobl blades work best |
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28 Feb 16 - 02:09 AM (#3775436) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Your Emperor appreciates your interest in the Empire. Therefore We do proclaim and post the following Imperial Announcements: Firstly, that gnu is appointed Imperial Head Game Warden with all of the rights and privileges appertaining thereunto. More, he can keep all entrails, blood trails, and hoppy-happy rabbit trails for his own use. Secondly, there shall be an Imperial Uniform for all those not part Our Imperial staff, to whit, and this shall be worn by all men and women until they can afford to purchase better from Thirdly, Our Imperial Uniform Maker, Severn, who shall charge whatever the traffic will bear, keeping always in mind Our cut of the take and the Imperial Torturer. Fourthly, Our Imperial staff shall dress as they desire as it befits their station, save that those who chose not to so dress shall wear this if a woman and this if a man. Thus We instill good fashion sense in Our Imperial staff. Fifthly, We do appoint olddude as Our Imperial Public Relations Klaxon and do allow him 10% of all that he doth so relate. Give this 27th day of February in the First Year of Our Reign, Emperor Rapparee (r) His Mark in another but valid style |
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28 Feb 16 - 03:50 AM (#3775450) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Sounds good to me, Your Imperial Graciousness! And what about Your Good Self and Her Regal Highness The Most Mighty Princess Patricia? Any thoughts on regalia? |
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28 Feb 16 - 01:53 PM (#3775566) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We may wear whatever We wish to regal ya. |
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28 Feb 16 - 05:41 PM (#3775611) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Thank you, your Majesty. I have entered into talks with Troy but I doubt we can compete with Cabelas and Bass Pro Shops. The next order of business shall be the repeal of the times of legal hunting being designated as time of day. We shall return to the definition of hunting at night as being "Illegal to hunt with the aid of a light." I am confident this change will not increase the number of animals shot in the extremities of the front legs*. * If you don't understand that, look up on a sunny day without a wide-brimmed hat or peaked cap. Your esteemed Emperor and guest are invited to dine up country at the camp anytime. BYOB and reservations are required. Hey... it ain't a hotel, eh? |
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29 Feb 16 - 04:03 PM (#3775814) Subject: RE: BS: Wraps for the empire! From: GUEST,Severn Congratulations, gnu, and happy entrails you! A little scrapple do ya! We have reservations even trepidations, but will show up anyway. I'm sure he'd be fronting a gnudist colony, if it were warmer...... How did I get to be uniform maker? I DID design the Emperor's New Clothes, and I tend to keep olddude in stitches, but as far as formal stitchery, SEW WHAT? I can recommend some good tailors-James, Koko, Livingston, Billy, Cecil, Eric. I own recordings by all, as I tend to like their choices in material. I will properly clothed-minded and try to do the best I can and overcharge like a wounded rhino (or was that a ruinded wino?), as is His Royalness' wish and give him a Royality Check off the top, as stipulated...... |
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29 Feb 16 - 05:19 PM (#3775822) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu As I now carry weight (piss off) with his Royal, I declare, if he approves, the Smelt as the Official Fish of the Empire. Yes, The Atlantic Salmon is the King of Fish but it's all catch and release here now because the forestry industry has decimated the spawning grounds by silting up the very birthplaces of same.... SO VERY sad. So I say SMELT it! As for the Official tree, I am torn. Of course I want the Maple. But the Silver Birch is near and dear to my heart. Why, that is where Bonasa Umbellus thrives. I suggested the Ruby Throated Hummingbird for the Official Bird but others wanted some lame fuckin duck over the nastiest most tenacious little motherfu... So, I wish to nominate the bird that is nearest to my heart and stomach. Bonasa Umbellus. Now, I have, on previous threads, recounted that I USED to be a hunter and that I took over 2000 of these into my pots and frying pans. I do not hunt anymore... but if any of you get some and want to donate them to my stove... come ahead! Now, the name is misleading. Bonasa = good when roasted. Yes... in January when you are arse deep in snow and hungry and you can make a fire way back in the woods. Other than that, fried in a pan with a rum toddy ta wash em down, well, there it is. So BONASA UMBELLUS for the Emporer's Bird. Hmmm... that didn't sound right. Anyway... fuck a duck! |
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01 Mar 16 - 12:14 PM (#3776071) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We agree with Our Imperial Game Warden's choice hereby name the Gnuis Umbilicus, known commonly as "gnu's bellybutton" as Our Realm's Official Bird, second only to the middle phalanges of Our Imperial hands. Jennie G., IT, may do as she will with those who malign or maltreat a gnu's bellybutton. We create Severn as Royal Quartermaster and Uniform Maker as he is uniform in certain quarters which he has mastered and is, We find, cut from whole cloth without being warped or be weft of either honor or honour. Give on this, the first day of March in the first year of Our Reign, Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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01 Mar 16 - 02:19 PM (#3776108) Subject: RE: BS: Rump for importer From: GUEST,Severn (two bits worth of mastery) Very few people know that gnu will regularly lie outside on his back, pouring sugar water into his rather deep navel and use it for a hummingbird feeder, keeping his "innie" free from all lint and contaminents, so in a way, he has sneakily at least partially won the bird argument. He got the idea watching cable TV and seeing a specialized friendly bird cleaning the teeth of the very reptile that stuffed his croc pot by dining on The Crocidile Hunter. (Showing you CAN pick your friend's teeth). Thank you for making me quartermaster. If anybody has an issue with that, I shall show them who's master and give them no quarter! Aaaaaarrrrgh! To the rest of you, I assure you that I'll end up giving you proper fits. However, if I should die, I would want the as yet undesigned flags flown at Half-Master...... If anyone should harm gnu'd belly button, our Admiral Of The Fleet assured me that he'd send out a naval destroyer to take care of the matter. Any harm to his backside will be handled by the Rear Admiral.... |
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01 Mar 16 - 05:16 PM (#3776118) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu And what of the Official Bug? (So much to do creating symbols of The Empire!) I nominate, ahhh, gee.. the Dragon Fly eats skeeters, Ladybugs eat aphids, cock roaches... LADYBUGS! Long story but George next door got the apartment complex manager of the apartment complex which abuts out properties to the rear to mow down all the foliage under our pine trees. I say "our" because I planted them 45 years ago under the supervision on my then neighbour (I now own his former abode). He didn't like the "look of it". He didn't even have to look at it unless he looked over his fence. He said it was full of skeeters. It was full of dragon flies that eat skeeters. And, it was FULL of Ladybugs! If you can pick the leaves of plants that have Ladybug eggs attached and then shove them in hanging pots, you got NO aphids all summer long. I request that the Ladybug be the official bug of the empire and that George be sent to the bowels of the dungeon torture chamber. Treat him with compassion JG but teach him a lesson. |
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01 Mar 16 - 08:25 PM (#3776151) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Naw I like the deer tick, good old ball scratchin . Lyme disease gettin . Tick... Keeps the population on their toes |
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02 Mar 16 - 12:33 AM (#3776180) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Subjects! Cease your petty squabbles! We name Nicrophorus obscurus as the Imperial Insect of our Empire! And We herewith name frogprince as Minister of De Fence, which We find is badly in need of painting. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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02 Mar 16 - 10:47 AM (#3776259) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince Thanks so much, your Royal Somewhat-Highness. If anyone will give me the good stuff from their lunch, I'll be happy to allow him. her, or whatever, a turn with the brush! |
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02 Mar 16 - 01:25 PM (#3776293) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee You may have the core of Our apple as a gesture of Our magnanimity. We, of course, cannot do manual labor or labour, and so Our Imperial Torturer will select a few select souls for such servitude. |
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02 Mar 16 - 02:50 PM (#3776313) Subject: RE: BS: Ripe for the empiring From: GUEST,Quotamaster Severn But the Lyme helps prevent scurvy, knaves. They take a lickin', but keep on tickin'. And, they are washed in the blood..... Dragonflies are great, but I like the Ladybird Beetle, 'cause it takes more than bullshit to make my new roses grow. But Lyme Green for the Royal Bughouse uniforms, definitely.... The roaches will be here long after us humans destroy each other, so they can appoint their own after we're gone..... Frogprince in charge of De Fence? I just Sawyer fence post. It's enough to make the average White picket and maybe threaten to charge. It might not be able to keep out those pesky Mexicans that Trump worries about But I'm sure the Green Collard workers will get behind it and help out with the general whitewash, both gilding and padding the Frogprince's lily, so let's go ahead and go Green. In fact, Lyme Green uniforms for HIS workers, too. Goodbye, old paint!.... Thanks for the apple remnants. They're good for esprit and enhance the décor. Speaking of esprit, I might go out on one this weekend. Anyone want to join me?..... FP, since you're in charge of De Fence, after you're through fencing with Rap in epee-ing position, could you help me get rid of some hot jewelry and some hubcaps?..... |
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02 Mar 16 - 06:51 PM (#3776344) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel # wreath # all fame is fleeting besides the role of an emperor is nothing more than a data compressed algorithm. What we actually need is a new universe which is challenging, to say the least. |
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02 Mar 16 - 07:10 PM (#3776348) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We are Emperor over all Universes, in every dimension, within and without all Time. You forget that at your peril Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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03 Mar 16 - 11:46 AM (#3776511) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We may have a Special Announcement later. Emperor Rapparee, Imperius Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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03 Mar 16 - 02:41 PM (#3776543) Subject: RE: BS: Ramp for offererer From: GUEST,Severn (Supreme Justice of the Court Of Mast Put that sourness back where the wreath of grapes is stored for now, at least. He may not last any longer than Frosty The Snowman or Pope Paul VI, but then he might have his reigning hands on the reins for quite some time. The Grand Mudcat Sorcerer Joe Offer might put a spell on him that no Imperial Spellcheck could defeat and make all of us vanish into thin air, leaving Rap contemplating becoming Emperor of Facebook, instead. Hopefully, we can get this built up to maximum strength before anyone can try to tear it down...... We might consider doing what a lot of emerging nations do. First build or refurbish a palace. Second, form an army and third, create a national airline. All this before we take a look at the people out there. What'll we call Air Rap?..... |
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03 Mar 16 - 02:49 PM (#3776545) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince Insudentully, why are Emperors Imperial instead of Emporial ? |
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03 Mar 16 - 02:57 PM (#3776549) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Carrion beetle? Carry-on beetle? |
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03 Mar 16 - 05:32 PM (#3776569) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Your Great Imperialness, I am working on that list of miscreants as we speak......do you have any names that you yourself would particularly like to add? Anyone who may have slighted the Imperial Might, for instance? Any scurvy knaves who may have impugned Her Great Imperial Goodness The Most High and Mighty Regal Princess Patricia? Anyone whose cooking you didn't like? Now's your chance! Also by way of a footnote, Oh Great Sire, I've been wondering about a National Anthem because I would like to make sure that each and every person who passes through my hands, so to speak, is word perfect. Any suggestions? |
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05 Mar 16 - 01:35 AM (#3776716) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee You have failed Us and left Our Empire fall from the page. In the future please remember the presence of Jennie G., IT. This time We forgive you, although you have made Us forget the Special Message We had to impart. As for an Imperial Anthem, We suggest these slightly edited lyrics as they are so correct about Us: Your Emperor should be someone invincible Succeed where a less fantastic one would fail Climb a wall no one else can climb Cleave a dragon in record time Swim a moat in a coat of heavy iron mail! No matter the pain he ought to be unwinceable Impossible deeds should be their daily fare But where in the world Is there in the world Someone so extraordinaire? It's you! It's you! I'm forced to admit 'Tis you, I humbly reply That mortal who These marvels can do It's you! It's you! Says I! You've never lost In battle or game You're simply the best by far When swords are cross'd 'Tis always the same One blow and au revoir It's you! It's you! So admir'bly fit A Modern Prometheus unbound And here youy stand with valor untold Exception'lly brave, amazingly bold To serve as Emperor all 'round. The soul of an Emperor should be a thing remarkable With a heart and mind as pure as morning dew With a will and a self-restraint That's the envy of ev'ry saint He could easily work a miracle or two To love and desire he ought to be unsparkable The ways of the flesh should offer small allure But where in the world Is there in the world Someone so untouch'd and pure? It's you? It's you! It's you! I blush to disclose, I'm far too noble to lie That person in whom these qualities bloom It's you! It's you! Says I! You've never stray'd from all I believe You're bless'd with an iron will Had you been made the partner of Eve We'd be in Eden still! It's you! It's you! The angels have chose to fight their battles below And here you stand as pure as a pray'r Incredibly clean, with virtue to spare The godliest man we know It's you! |
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05 Mar 16 - 03:55 AM (#3776742) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gillymor A.J. Lerner is spinning in his grave. Here's a dandy little page refresher. |
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05 Mar 16 - 06:39 AM (#3776770) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Oh my......Your Most Imperial Goodness Graciousness......words fail me! I shall, of course, do my utmost to instill those words into each and every oh-so-lucky miscreant who has the amazing good fortune to fall into my hands. It will, of course, be accompanied by a band of assorted banjos because nothing else could possibly do justice to such magnificent sentiments. I am also thinking of kazoo accompaniment to drown out any screams which may escape the lips of said tortured souls. |
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05 Mar 16 - 11:24 AM (#3776809) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee The lunette is too low for the bascule, the mouton appears too light, and the uprights are too short for efficient and humane use. We say these things because We know these things and wish to educate Our people. Should you desire more information on this subject We are certain that Jennie G. IT will educate you. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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05 Mar 16 - 02:51 PM (#3776850) Subject: RE: BS: Rasp for enterer From: GUEST,Severn Do you need a Lerner's Permit to use and adapt those lyrics?..... You might try doing a rewrite of "What Do The Simple Folkies DO"..... JFK always wanted a Camel Lot. He'd be glad we parked soldiers in Iraq. Are you thinking of involving us overseas, O Imperious Rex?..... JennieG, while Broadway tunes are being looted, you might want to check out "Was I Wazir" from "Kismet"...... |
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05 Mar 16 - 07:12 PM (#3776885) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG I'm sure I speak for the whole nation of The Great Land of Oz when I say that, should Their Most Regal Magnificences desire an OS trip, they would always be welcome here. We have sun-kissed beaches, breathtaking mountains (if you climb one it will take quite a while to get your breath back), strange creatures which will kill you, interesting birds and cuddly animals. The Great Land of Oz is the best country in the world because we have wombats, and as such it may appeal to Your Regalities. By the way, and despite rumours to the contrary, a wombat is a short legged furred mammal capable of achieving great speeds and baby wombats are the most adorable critters in the whole world. "Wombat" does not mean "waste of money, brains and time". |
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06 Mar 16 - 02:23 PM (#3777002) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We encourage speculation as it keeps Our Imperial Torturer productive and busy. Oz is far away, but We would like to make an Imperial visit someday. Perhaps Our subjects there could move it closer to Our Realm to facilitate Our visit. Dear Quarter Master, We do not need a Lerner's permit. How could you sink so Lowe as to think We do? If you cannot put "Rogers" on that, please have a Hart and don't hammer a stein. Emperor Rapparee, Imperius Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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06 Mar 16 - 02:53 PM (#3777008) Subject: RE: BS: RapShure for preemtperor From: GUEST,Severn I've always dreamed of going down there to Australia and even have friends down there, but health and money have been issues. If I actually go into debt, it's not a sure ticket there any more. |
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06 Mar 16 - 04:10 PM (#3777018) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu You can do that? Change the thread title when you post? Does The Emp know of this? |
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06 Mar 16 - 04:14 PM (#3777020) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu It changed the title in the post in question, not in the whole thread. |
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07 Mar 16 - 01:32 AM (#3777067) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We hereby nominate and name keberoxu as Our Minister of Education and Re-Education (Adults) and trust that the cooperation with Our Imperial Torturer will greatly improve standardized Test results in cricket and otherwise. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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07 Mar 16 - 01:53 PM (#3777191) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Your Imperial ness, don't know if you were aware of this, but I flunked blue clicky school... |
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07 Mar 16 - 02:24 PM (#3777208) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince Who cares what ya flunked. It's an appointed position; you don't have to pass a civil service exam or nothin'. |
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07 Mar 16 - 04:30 PM (#3777223) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel How is one elected emperor? What if there is a brokered emperor convention. Rap if you run into trouble just remember to ask yourself what would Trump do, or even Genghis Khan. |
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07 Mar 16 - 06:16 PM (#3777238) Subject: RE: BS: Rahp for emperator From: Severn I've been varying the subject titles for years now. I'd have think he'd noticed Don't worry. Just because subjects have been given new titles does NOY mean there is any sort of nobility amongst the peasantry...... Trump has been 'brokered", even bankruptured, numerous times and has always found ways of making new fortunes. And if Ghengis Khan, there's no reason why Rap khan't. Emannuel is another question, though I doubt he'll ever reKant..... |
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08 Mar 16 - 01:31 AM (#3777302) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Our people! Your Emperor is always thinking of you and of new ways to bring you the best of everything. We must ask you to give your share, just as We give Ours. This will mean a short period of total contribution but We assure you that it will be no longer than is necessary. Endure, We ask you, a little more hardship. Give a little more for Us and you will be richly rewarded! Have patience, for your reward will be great. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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08 Mar 16 - 08:17 AM (#3777365) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gillymor A check is in the mail, Your Royal Travesty. |
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08 Mar 16 - 10:24 PM (#3777528) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Right now as we speak there is a vacancy in the dungeon - the third rack from the right is empty. This cannot be allowed to happen, so would any of you good people like to join us for an afternoon of fun and games? Anyone vertically challenged who always yearned for an extra few inches, perhaps? Please address all replies to JennieG, Imperial Torturer and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble, Deep In The Dungeon where it's dark as a mine. Who knows......perhaps we may even be treated to a special Imperial Visit from His Amazing Greatness The Emperor Rapparee! |
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09 Mar 16 - 02:43 PM (#3777695) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Me, moi and Jimmy Suis offer our services for the Enforcement Division of His Royal Heinie's Security Forces. Being from Acadie, we know how to deal with undesirables. Our motto : "I t'row my coat bot' side da road; I come to fight, me!" Tough as ongles! Loyal and as sustaining as poutine râpée is to estomac. Poutine râpée should be the Royal Cuisine as it represents The Emperor definitively - a simple gooey potatoe paste on the outside and a ham on the inside. Perhaps He could rename it Poutine Rapparee! I'll have extra sauce and brown sugar s'il vous plaît. Merci, la. |
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10 Mar 16 - 11:55 AM (#3777867) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Our people will speak clearly and concisely, as Our Imperial Game Warden gnu has done. Therefore he and his ilk are also appointed Our Imperial Enforcers and Bouncers, charged with enforcing Our proclamations and laws and whims and bouncing (as Tigger would) those who would not keep such into the clutches of Jennie G., Our good IT. Emperor Rapparee, Imperius Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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11 Mar 16 - 11:34 AM (#3778029) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We have added a new form of address for Our audiences with those seeking Our favor: All above All below, Mountains, sea, and sky, Belong to our Beloved Emperor! Rah! Rah! Siss Boom Bah! for Him Our Beloved Emperor! Emperor Rapparee, Imperius Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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11 Mar 16 - 01:33 PM (#3778065) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu As Chief of Our Imperial Enforcers and Bouncers, I am sad to report that a scurrilous rogue of a Highwayman has been robbing Our Gentry of their valuables. One of our surveillance drones has captured video of this heinous villain at work and I submit it herewith. If it pleases You, Emp, I should take great pleasure in terminating him with extreme prejudice. I await your approval. Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, g (my mark*). * I get to have a mark, right? I mean, without a mark, seems kinda unofficial, eh? |
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12 Mar 16 - 01:03 AM (#3778201) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Of course you may mark your mark. We are nothing if not re-markable. But please work with Jennie G., Our Imperial Torturer, and work up a really good termination. We cannot have this sort of thing making the roads and houses dangerous places for Our people, so please make an good example of this bad example so that people will live in fear of Our laws and therefore obey Us. We find your mark especially appropriate to you, as it has been known in the computer world as a "splat." Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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12 Mar 16 - 11:58 AM (#3778295) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We herewith name Joe Offer Our Theologian Extraordinary and Plentypotentiary and Extraordinary Inquisitor Into Various Beliefs. Emperor Rapparee, Imperius Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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12 Mar 16 - 04:14 PM (#3778351) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Jennie git yer gun! We's goin after tourerists! Ya know. Them what rob them city folks on the highaway. Word has it that Roger Moore, stupid bitch that he is, is riding through the glen with his merry men as we speak. We must move swiftly... like, RFN, eh? Iffin ya don't get back to me like RFN, I will have no recourse but to act on the Emp's orders and take him out on my own. Now, normally, I would use a large calibre rifle but I have been advised in a Facebook group that small calibres are better because "it's all about shot placement" soooo, being frugal and wishing to stay within the Emp's budget (cheap bastard), I shall endeavour to take him out with a Red Ryder BB Gun. You know, the one with the compass in the stock? Well, that was the one made famous in the classic Kissmeass movie A Christmas Story. Mine doesn't have the compass. We were poor. But, I never shot my eye out. Right then! There shall be no delay as I take matters into my own trigger finger. Wish me good luck, tight lines and straight shootin. I am away to defend Our Realm from evil doers. Our Lupines shall be defended no matter the peril I may face. I hear he is good shot but I have a lever action repeater! g |
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12 Mar 16 - 06:19 PM (#3778371) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu The Deed is done, my Leech. The Highwayman has been switched off; he's gone for a dirt nap; he bit the dust, bought the farm, kicked the last bucket, sleeps with the fishes, pushes up lupines... he is... no Moore*. He shall not pose a threat to Our Gentry again. Grow your lupines in security and comfort, all. g (My mark... I finally got a mark! Da would be proud.) * I went a long way for that one. |
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12 Mar 16 - 06:37 PM (#3778377) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu It has been pointed out by PM that my post including "Word has it that Roger Moore, stupid bitch that he is,..." is incorrect. Indeed, it is so. I hang my head in shame. Tis not Roger Moore but, in fact, Dennis Moore. I beg empathy and forgiveness from all of Our Empire, save one. Myself, as I have flogged myself with palm fronds in penance and shall carry my shame forever. |
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12 Mar 16 - 07:29 PM (#3778390) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Sorry, Roger. My bad. Right! Reload! |
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12 Mar 16 - 07:35 PM (#3778394) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu JennieG, do you have enough singers for your operations down there? One time I sang to a friend's pet cat, and the cat leaped up onto my person and shoved its paw in my mouth. |
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12 Mar 16 - 09:22 PM (#3778415) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Yee har, gnu! keberoxu, you would be welcome. Anyone who can scare the bejabbers out of a kitty is a good candidate for the Dungeon Chorus. Do you sing tenor? bass? or do you just find your own melody line somewhere? JennieG Imperial Torturer, Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble and Dungeon Choir Wrangler |
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13 Mar 16 - 12:39 AM (#3778430) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We find it good when Our subjects work together. "Gung ho!" as Mao's boys used to say. gnu, We award you all the lupines you can carry. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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14 Mar 16 - 02:52 AM (#3778686) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Fenian Rascal HIM--Your above everything And nothing is beneath You |
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14 Mar 16 - 08:53 AM (#3778753) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel 47 F and drizzling (reprise) Taken by surprise I came to a grandiose Magnolia tree Its magnificent one hit wonder Blossoms with an arrogance to winter There, the first Robin standing resolutely despite how near I approach her She is so staunch her name should be Stands with fist Bowing in the rain the simple daffodils are being called to muster to wage a mass demonstration soon. But for now quietly assemble Tiny Crocus draw all attention from the winter debris to its oasis of color and a promise of great things to come |
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14 Mar 16 - 09:07 AM (#3778760) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel WTF? I did not mean to put that there damn touch screen |
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14 Mar 16 - 11:59 AM (#3778787) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Donuel has cursed in Our presence. IT, you know to do. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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14 Mar 16 - 04:50 PM (#3778835) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Certainly! Donuel, just follow me please. Shoes must be left at the door. You aren't allergic to metal, are you? JennieG Imperial Torturer, Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble and Dungeon Choir Wrangler |
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14 Mar 16 - 05:05 PM (#3778839) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST WhT ever hapoened to Rapaire? Was he deposed by his younger brother Rapparee, by another mother. Do I detect an Emperor takeover? |
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14 Mar 16 - 05:07 PM (#3778840) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST Last Guest was keyboard/challenged Ed T. |
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14 Mar 16 - 09:55 PM (#3778877) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We change the spelling of Our name as far too many of Our subjects did not understand Irish. This We will rectify, as We wish all of Our subjects to speak, read, and write Irish, Scots Gaelic, Welsh, Polynesian, and Basque fluently so that they will be better able to cooperate in Our endeavors. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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14 Mar 16 - 11:38 PM (#3778890) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude We are watching you Donuel |
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15 Mar 16 - 07:51 PM (#3779095) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,gnu in cogs... neato eh? Whassup wit' all 'at eh wha'? I speaks English, Yank English, Chiac, Newfie, Labradorian, Bluenoser, Albert County Good Ol' Boy, and Kent County Good Ol' Boy. *Now* you want me to learn all them there other ones? Oh... and I do pretty good at Maineiac too as they eat lobstahs same whay we do in these pahts heeyah. Not like in them fancy restahrawhts down in New Yahk where they cuts em up the middle... nevah could understand that crowd. We cracks em fine wit nuttin but our 'ands, zir. A lobster boilup be some shockin good, buddy but ya gots ta do 'er proper, roight? None a that there fancy shit. IT... just brainstorming here. What about a lobster chamber in the lowest dungeon? Win-win or what? |
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16 Mar 16 - 01:48 AM (#3779123) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We would not approve of any lobsters being injured thereby. And gnu -- We have approved your mark, so please use it to ensure Us that it is truly you who are posting. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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16 Mar 16 - 07:49 PM (#3779335) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Nah. We wouldn't injure any lobsters. Gots ta keep em healthy fer the boil-up. I nominate Kendall for Chief Cookie of Our Empire. He steams lobstahs without any salt. The Old Salt is all about heart health. Proper attention to dietary health is wanted in a Chief Cookie. Kendall for Cookie! says I. |
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17 Mar 16 - 12:19 AM (#3779359) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee gnu (if that is you, as your mark is missing), We take your suggestion and thank you for it. We herewith name Kendall Morse as Chief Chef and Jacqui Morse as Chief Chef Chief and Keeper of the Kendall. They are entitled to all of the rights and privileges thereof. Let this be proclaimed throughout Our Empire! Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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17 Mar 16 - 08:48 AM (#3779409) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Oh dear! I missed the mark! g |
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17 Mar 16 - 12:57 PM (#3779448) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We require you to toe the mark or We shall withdraw Our permission for you to use the *, or splat, as you requested. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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17 Mar 16 - 02:12 PM (#3779462) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu My hair-lipped dog just commented "MARK! MARK! MARK!". g and his faiphul companion Dawg. Say! Ya need a mascot? I wouldn't suggest Dawg. He licks... never mind. I suppose it should be Clay. Only befitting, eh? |
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18 Mar 16 - 12:37 PM (#3779618) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee For failure to use the mark We so graciously allowed, We withdraw from gnu the right to use the splat (or *) as his mark and allow Jennie G., Our IT, to use is as it is reminiscent of the mark made by drops of viscous red liquid found as she pursues her noble task. To gnu We award the humble mark "g" (without the quotation marks) and require him to use it as authentication of his author or other -ship. Should he fail in this, Our desire, he will learn of the splat from Our IT. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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19 Mar 16 - 12:59 PM (#3779844) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu It has been rumoured that there is a Trompe (produces a lot of gas) which has offered for high office in one of Our Emperor's subservient Dominions know as the USA (United States of America). Woefully, reports indicate this gasbag spews drivel and nonsense so as to bloviate his superiority over all others. I take this as an affront to Our Emperor. Given such blasphemy, I hereby request, Rex, (can I call you Rex, (r)? It seems more personal and we're buds, right?), that permission be given to me to extinguish his obviously delusional ravings. Your most humble, g |
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19 Mar 16 - 01:11 PM (#3779847) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee You have Our permission to do what needs to be done. Jennie G., Our IT, will fully cooperate. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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19 Mar 16 - 06:10 PM (#3779882) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Our loyal and devoted subjects, It is with a heavy heart that We address this topic, but We must insure the continuity of Our reign. Being without issue, We now open the search for Our successor. We will entertain nominations and assume that only the finest will be brought to Our attention. After a rigorous examination by Us, a physical examination by Our Imperial Physic, and psychological testing by Our Royal Psycho, We will name the person who will succeed (but can never replace!) Us. Let the naming begin! Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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19 Mar 16 - 08:01 PM (#3779894) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel I tend to not do anything useful. What can I do? |
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20 Mar 16 - 06:35 AM (#3779950) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Wait. I still get my pension, right? And severance pay? g |
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20 Mar 16 - 01:26 PM (#3780008) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Severn I'd think I'm entitled to all that Severn's pay you mentioned...... Rap, if your reign continues incessantly (with no offspring offsprung), should Noah and Joan be commissioned to build a Triumphal Ark?.... What successors are swimming in the somewhat trecherous SuckCesspool so far? Don't tell me that Rap ain't gonna reign no more, no more. Who will be snowing us by sleet of hand, and who will we hail should the reign stop? Who shall pay for this drought (as I paid for the last round)? What sort of upper or lower-class precipitation might befall us?.... Considering that most, if not all of us posting are fairly old farts, is there an answer blowing in the wind? Where's the young blood coming from, and is there even much young blood in our official Carry-A-Torture JennieG's blood bank for possible transfusions for the old? I know that Rap can't reign (nor JennieG arraign)forever, but as Royal Costumer (and REMEMBER, costumer's always right!), I'm still working on giving the present administration proper fits, without having to worry about designing new prints for an outfit for some new Prince or princess for them to make their proper imprints on us...... And wouldn't the faithful mate of our current Emperor be first in line to succeed before we'd plant the seeds to appoint (Bless their appointed little head) some future suck-up to succeed at some Succession Session. Her Imperial Highness has yet to speak to us, and she might prove to be the power behind the throne or even the overthrown....... 'Splain it to me, Kingfish...... |
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20 Mar 16 - 04:26 PM (#3780028) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Your Imperial Greatness, I thank you for all your great gifts! Right now I am attending the Revels, i.e. The Oz National Folk Festival, which will under way in just a few days. However, rest assured that I have not slackened on my duties in the dungeon, the oubliette has not been forgotten, etc. I am keeping an eye (not my eye.....that of a miscreant) on what is happening via the wonders and marvels of modern technology. As to a successor, how could anyone possibly hope to succeed Your Dazzling Magnificence and that of Her Most High and Mighty Imperial Highness Princes Patricia! May I suggest a trial along the lines of Cinderella's glass slipper? I myself personally would be happy to assist in the lopping off of any superfluous appendages. With kindest regards, JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble (*) her mark (for which I thank the Emperor once more ) |
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20 Mar 16 - 08:44 PM (#3780047) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We do not foresee any immediate need, but We do like to "Be Prepared" and forestall any acrimony or unpleasantness which may result should We be forced to assume a new position in a Higher Realm. Should that happen, and it is not within our purview as We intend to reign forever and ever, We would be forced to fling thunderbolts at those engaging in any form of naughtiness. The examination will be thorough. For instance, one of the requirements is to memorize and then forget Machiavelli's "The Prince" in the original Italian. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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21 Mar 16 - 08:33 AM (#3780100) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST ""That flight was a fucking nightmare man. My stupid tray table broke and I ended up with a gallon of coffee in my crotch; it was like dunking my wang in hot lava. Something you have some experience with I guess, huh? Right? "" Emperor Palpattine |
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21 Mar 16 - 12:09 PM (#3780143) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We recognize no other emperors, actual or fictional. They would steal Our glory and enervate Our subjects. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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21 Mar 16 - 11:03 PM (#3780242) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu No mind. Palpattine has been neutralized. In such urgent matters, I take executive privilege. Any further posts from same are obviously false. I have proof but caution that asking to see such may cause... well... you just don't wanna see.... it. Ecch! At Your Service, g |
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22 Mar 16 - 06:15 AM (#3780300) Subject: RE: BS: Tap for emperor From: GUEST,Ed T "Rule number one: Don't fuck with librarians." Neil Gaiman |
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22 Mar 16 - 12:09 PM (#3780415) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince "Rule number one:.." Not even if you're in love with one ?? |
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23 Mar 16 - 12:08 AM (#3780529) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We find the word "with" in the phrase mentioned changes the meaning. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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23 Mar 16 - 05:51 AM (#3780562) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Ed T "Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them." Joseph Heller |
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23 Mar 16 - 07:11 AM (#3780580) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG I myself personally am also a retired librarian, so I like to make sure the dungeon is suitably furnished with improving and moral tomes for the edification of the less recalcitrant inmates. So far, so good. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble (*) Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee) |
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23 Mar 16 - 11:01 AM (#3780613) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Finding that he actually attempts to supply the source for any quotation he borrows, We appoint Ed T., who posts here as "GUEST Ed T.", as Our Imperial Quoter. He will post, at a minimum, 1.7376 edifying and morally uplifting quotations every day, which will be the Imperial Quoter's quota. Any day upon which he will post exactly 3.14159265 quotations he will be rewarded with his weight in uranium hexafluoride, or UF6. His mark shall be: Let Our will in this be broadcast throughout Our realm, and he shall enjoy all of the right and privileges of this appointment. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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23 Mar 16 - 01:06 PM (#3780642) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince By the way, as Minister of De Fence, I've got a bunch of nice Roullex watches for sale, only $500.00, with some nice glittery diamonds. Don't let the u bother you, they're production for the British and Canadian markets. |
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23 Mar 16 - 03:19 PM (#3780685) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We know not why the mark for the Imperial Quoter did not display, but it shall be Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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23 Mar 16 - 03:23 PM (#3780687) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Due to the apparent limitations of what is known as Hypertext Markup Language, or HTML, We change the given mark of the Imperial Quoter to «IQ Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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23 Mar 16 - 05:56 PM (#3780717) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Ed T "We first crush people to the earth, and then claim the right of trampling on them forever, because they are prostrate." Lydia Maria Francis Child (no relation to diet crusher, Julia Child). |
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23 Mar 16 - 06:02 PM (#3780721) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Ed T "Every empire, however, tells itself and the world that it is unlike all other empires, that its mission is not to plunder and control but to educate and liberate." Edward W. Said (not sure when it was said, by Said). |
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23 Mar 16 - 07:56 PM (#3780746) Subject: RE: BS: Ripe for (caveat) emptyer From: GUEST,Severn Being The Librarian Incongruous of the Library Of Digress, I welcome the right lady making love WITH me by mutual consent, but DON'T ever try to fuck me up or fuck me over (not to be confused with being on top)..... Q. How many quotes must a quoter quote before he quotes over his quoter quota? A. Blowing In The Wind......Next question, please! ...and as a corollary to what educator Edward Said said, "The only good and rightful revolution for an empire is the original one. Accept no imitations or substitutes."---Oliver Sutton I don't ever mess with JennieG, as we tend to use the dining hall at different hours...... |
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23 Mar 16 - 09:07 PM (#3780754) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Ed T "Until the lions have their own historians, the history of the hunt will always glorify the hunter." Chinua Achebe |
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23 Mar 16 - 09:16 PM (#3780755) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Ed T Does (r*) have a official historian, as he one or more librarian(s) seem to be at his call? *I hesitate to use the full mark, which I suspect is reserved for exclusuve use of "the office"? |
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23 Mar 16 - 09:56 PM (#3780759) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We previously worked for more than forty years in the god-like profession of librarian, and We took a lesser profession when We became Emperor. We hold a Master of Science degree in Information and Library Science in addition to Our experience in the management of information. We present you with another quote, from the author Spider Robinson: "Librarians are the secret masters of the world. They control information. Don't ever piss one off." Emperor Rapparee, BA, MS Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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23 Mar 16 - 10:52 PM (#3780763) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Ed T "If course it's alright for librarians to smell of drink." Barbara Pym |
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24 Mar 16 - 07:07 AM (#3780808) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Ed T "This isn't a reasoned response to a configuration of stars, but the heart cannot flourish on logic alone. Unreason is an essential medicine as long as you don't overdose." Dean Koontz |
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24 Mar 16 - 07:29 PM (#3780944) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu I have concluded recent covert operations required on a timely basis. None will be apprised except to say success was achieved. This bulletin is issued only to say The Emperor's safety is safe and all may rest assured that the threats have been... removed. Oh! And I got the laundry done, the floors vacuumed, swept, mopped... dishes are clean... the regular stuff. Gotta keep the Empire neat and tidy, eh? Well, there still is a nasty red stain in the library but I am sure some elbow grease will take care of that before the investigation. I remain, loyally and faithfully, g |
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24 Mar 16 - 09:19 PM (#3780962) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Our good subject gnu -- We have found that hydrogen peroxide solution, available at most apothecary shops, will remove those nasty red stains. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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24 Mar 16 - 09:34 PM (#3780969) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Ed T Emperor, your bath is now drawn for your pleasure.The heated water is scented and filled with sweet pine nuts, blanched sweet almonds, marsh mallow root, lilly bulbs and a candy paste of rare plants. |
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24 Mar 16 - 11:08 PM (#3780976) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Ed T Geech, you didn' have to disrobe and jump into the tub before we left the room. The unflattering sight scared my cat. |
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25 Mar 16 - 11:59 AM (#3781125) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Ed T "Anticipation is the carrot suspended before the jackass to keep him moving forward. Horror is what he would see if he took his eyes off the carrot. Louis L'Amour |
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25 Mar 16 - 12:04 PM (#3781126) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Hmmmm...We find the position of Imperial Bath Attendant And Personal Servicer To The Emperor is open.... Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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25 Mar 16 - 07:00 PM (#3781261) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Sire, I got hydrogen peroxide up the ass. Well, I mean a got a lot of it. Bought it at the Co-op on sale in small bottles a lot cheaper than even the Co-op Country Store sells it in 4 lire jugs. I spray it on my tomatoe plants fer ta keep out the blight eh? And, fer cleaning wounds, among other things. g |
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25 Mar 16 - 10:34 PM (#3781319) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Please, good gnu, be very careful with it. Do not, We repeat, NOT, also purchase acetone. We would not like for you to explosively vanish away. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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26 Mar 16 - 09:40 AM (#3781409) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST,Ed T "First rule of bodyguard detail: know where your 'body' is at all times." Ilona Andrews |
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26 Mar 16 - 09:05 PM (#3781606) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We find that We approve of Max's actions, which We find were taken in both sorrow and anger. We also have wondered how long the good Max would take to accomplish the actions he has. We find that he has far more patience than Us, for We would have had the miscreants consigned to the fair Jennie G., Our IT, as fodder for the oubliette. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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26 Mar 16 - 09:29 PM (#3781610) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Sire, I believe Max would never act in anger. I have never known such. I have only known Max to be one who asks all to be fair and "polite". To the point that he allowed vehement mind fights to unfold without interference whilst holding only one rule above all others. All who know of this rule know of what I speak. Those who broke the rule were given, generously, rope. Those that hanged themselves did so by that rope without aid. One can count the deceased upon the fingers of one hand. I could name them but to even speak their names is vile. Sire, you may be Emperor but Max is Dog and he don't show no anger. He's a good boy... yes he is. Who's a good boy? He is. g |
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27 Mar 16 - 09:27 PM (#3781785) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Good gnu, We are aware of those who will not be named. We remember another event or two some years back, and that Max has been dealing with the problem for some time. You can see that by the date in the links We have provided. And We do think that it's about time all of us again started sending Max some money to help him with the expenses of the Mudcat Cafe. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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29 Mar 16 - 05:24 PM (#3782111) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Acetone, schmacetone. You guys dropped the ball again.... |
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29 Mar 16 - 09:39 PM (#3782157) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Are you criticizing Us? Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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30 Mar 16 - 04:54 AM (#3782186) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T "And, besides, acetone may screw up your nail polish." |
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03 Apr 16 - 12:46 PM (#3783081) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu I have failed. I only was able to get a few shots off from long range with my Red Rider BB Gun but it was windy and Trompe's hair was like a ninja. However, there is a petition to allow guns at his rallies (it's true; look it up). If this petition flies in the face of all common sense, I shall be able to get closer and the only windage that will be a factor is his own. At Our service, I remain, Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, g (my mark). |
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03 Apr 16 - 08:59 PM (#3783184) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Unlike that person who styles himself a candidate for high office, We appreciate losers who make an effort. We also appreciate those who do not, for they keep Our IT in practice. So having made an attempt, We do not find fault with gnu and only suggest that he practice. Of course, We realize that his target might be only a Trompe l'oeil and bring this to gnu's attention. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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03 Apr 16 - 11:56 PM (#3783204) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T "Maybe you are already lost and just do not know it." Christine Feehan |
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03 Apr 16 - 11:57 PM (#3783205) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T "To know much and taste nothing-of what use is that?" Bonaventure |
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04 Apr 16 - 12:07 AM (#3783206) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T "Without contraries is no progression." ― William Blake |
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30 May 16 - 04:24 PM (#3792895) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Hope their Imperial Majesties are enjoying the Grand Tetons. |
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30 May 16 - 07:04 PM (#3792926) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu You know he went there for the Maryjane, right? Rocky Mountain High, right? |
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18 Jun 16 - 06:49 PM (#3796488) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Now that Imperious Rex has had successful Catter-wreck surgery and is shooting at things again (accurately), is there any life left in this thread? |
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18 Jun 16 - 06:53 PM (#3796490) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu You asking if it's shot? |
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18 Jun 16 - 11:16 PM (#3796530) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We are leaving for Glacier National Park and Waterton Park on Tuesday, June 21. Unlike when We were in Our realm of the Grand Tetons, We should have the ability to communicate with Our humble subjects during most of this Imperial Jaunt. We find it to be most boring to be incommunicado in a pristine wilderness! Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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23 Jun 16 - 08:00 PM (#3797324) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Should anyone have forgotten what "rapaire/rapparee" is to traditional Irish music, check out "Éamonn a Chnoic" , recording re-released on this channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiyN8UqVOC4&list=PLS6nD3HEzLcE7iNPVLsK8Q-hhG2jVsmu4 |
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24 Jun 16 - 02:32 PM (#3797468) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Severn If there's a proposed measure to allow guns at political rallies, they should also allow them in police stations, churches, the White House, both houses of Congress etc. Alas, there would be nobody with the morals, good sense and skill of US Marshal Matt Dillon to clean up this modern Wild West. So I suggest that our dear Emperor declare that anybody who kills another human being in anything other than self defense be required to clean, dress and render the carcass, so that we know who the REAL "responsible hunters" among the gun users are eating them might be a stretch, but finding out who's "responsible" while hunting for their table or freezer and who's merely "responsible" for murder and stocking the mortuary freezers. The rule I learned from my dear departed mother, God rest her soul, for hunting and fishing was "YOU killed/caught it, so YOU /render/clean it." Maybe some of the excess bodies could be ground up and canned as "Manwich" and see if anybody notices the difference...... |
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24 Jun 16 - 05:12 PM (#3797484) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Severn, the Emmissary, Uniform Maker, Duke, Quartermaster, etc etc, is present again. I wondered what had become of you, sir. The thread is not the same without your puns. Are you aware that His Imperial Rapness had successful Catter-wreck surgery and has reported his accuracy at target practice? As for the re-education mandate, my part of it is at the mercy of the cuckoo. This is not just any cuckoo, mind you. This is the Cuaichín Ghleann Neifín cuckoo, who sings more than one traditional Irish tune, but is most often associated with the theme from a TV soap called "Glendore." The late Máire Ní Scolaí has been putting me through my paces. Her singing isn't on CD, for a start, except for three songs on an anthology; her recording of the cuckoo song is on a vinyl LP as well as in vinyl 78 single form. And one of her cuckoo verses is hiding where it is not to be found. Just listened to her recording of the song for the umpteenth time with the umpteenth printed collection of sean-nós lyrics, and that verse still won't match up with anything I have seen in print....and me still barely able to spell the Gaelic, never mind understand it. Maybe I ought to stick to "Eibhlín A Rún" and forget about the darned cuckoo. Regardless, welcome back, o irreplaceable Severn. |
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24 Jun 16 - 11:15 PM (#3797534) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We can only say, in Our atrocious Irish spelling and grammar that which We have often heard in pubs and worse places in Ireland, "Cad es aimn du?" We do write this Ourself, not wishing to bother Our official Irish translator, who is attending a "Taste of Irish" event in Ballyfungus. After tasting enough Irish Our translator oft talks to the little people. We talk to the little people as well, as is evidenced in this, one of Our communications. As for the suggestion by the Notable Severn, We find that it has much merit. THEREFORE, henceforth anyone who kills save in defense (or defence) of self or someone for whom they feel responsible, and after all other avenues, lanes, streets, roads, footpaths, byways, trails, autobahns, interstates, motorways, highways, and any and all other known and unknown means of similar ways have been exhausted, will be held to the same Law as hunters are, that is, "You killed it, you eat it." We find that this will greatly lessen the incidents of unwarranted killing while at the same time reducing the demands upon the body public. We do not condone wastage. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His mark |
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25 Jun 16 - 10:49 AM (#3797622) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Regarding killing another human being in anything other than self defense, surely this applies only to loyal subjects? A clarification is sought from Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r)His mark at his earliest convenience as I need to make changes to the 2016 Hunting Guide. Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, g (my mark) |
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25 Jun 16 - 02:47 PM (#3797673) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu My (lousy) translator says Cad is ainm duit?, for what it's worth. But then, my translator looked at the obituary for Leo Brennan, and decided that his age was not four and a half score years, but four and a half feet. Until I stopped and made my translator look at the obituary one blessed word at a time. Feel free to shoot at the darned cuckoo from Ghleann Neifín. Your Imperial Rapness, what is your opinion of Brexit? |
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26 Jun 16 - 04:10 PM (#3797834) Subject: RE: BS: Rap twice for emptier From: Severn As for MY opinion, in the newly established tradition of "You Kill it, you EAT it!",------You Brexit, you BOUGHT it!........ The trouble was that "EU" sounds like something one would say while wincing when being served Snails and Okra with Liver in Sheep Dip Gravy....... My culinary apologies to any of you in an Escargot Cult ("Order the plane, nothing fancy...."). I guess it's all a matter of taste and the contributions to this thread tend to be a bit "unflavored".... And, Your Imperialitudity, when you've exhausted all autobahns, there will be no more birds to shoot..... Snorro Zzzzzz... (My Mark) |
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26 Jun 16 - 05:15 PM (#3797859) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Oh, my word. Wrestling some more with the online translator. It seems that the chorus at UC Galway won many prizes under Máire Ní Scolaí's direction, according to the Irish Gaelic sleeve notes: "Ghnóthaigh sí féin iomad corn." Which the translator told me was: "She passed herself too much corn." Well, that does sound downright scatological. But I thought people east of the Atlantic were disgusted with the very idea of eating sweet corn, denouncing it as "pig food." |
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20 Jul 16 - 04:21 PM (#3801272) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu What is the imperial opinion of the Idaho potato? Or do I have to submit that question to a Cabinet/Chamber member? |
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20 Jul 16 - 09:21 PM (#3801314) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We find that, overall, the Idaho potato differs but little from other foods produced en masse for masse consumption. There are, however, exceptions, as many of Our small farmers and even some of Our larger ones are now growing excellent potatoes of other than the russet variety. They produce for Us purples, goldens, creamers, reds, and other varieties which but a few years ago We found difficult to obtain. We do no condone water wastage or the indiscriminate use of -cides and We have Our doubts about the wisdom of spraying dilute hydrochloric acid on the plants a week before harvest to kill the plants and "firm up" the tubers. We do find it good that this practice is giving way to cutting off the plant and leaving the greenery to be used as green fertilizer after harvest. We believe, and therefore it is true, that the UC Galway notes meant that Máire Nà Scolaà partook a bit much of the juice of the corn. We hereby amend Our earlier declaration so to exclude members of Our Realm from Our "You kill it, you eat it" policy. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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21 Jul 16 - 08:28 AM (#3801382) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Oh, thank goodness! No need to reset the type. Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, g (my mark) |
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21 Jul 16 - 10:25 AM (#3801401) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We are distressed with what Our Imperial Typesetter does to Irish names, as was done in Our last post. Please be assured that Our oubliette is not yet full. Our Imperial Typesetter has been given a Vision Of The Future and is also so assured. We have been reassured that Our Imperial Typesetter shan't make a similar mistake in the future; We assume that there will be totally different mistakes made. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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21 Jul 16 - 03:31 PM (#3801444) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Maybe hypertext markup language would keep the Typesetter out of the oubliette. What says His Imperial Rapness to Severn's "You Brexit You BOUGHT It" opinion? |
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22 Jul 16 - 07:39 AM (#3801532) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Rest assured, Oh Most Gracious Sire......there is always room for one more in the oubliette. The more, the merrier! JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble (*) Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee) |
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22 Jul 16 - 05:36 PM (#3801601) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Great to hear from Jennie G.. Now if Severn would just check in... |
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22 Jul 16 - 06:19 PM (#3801607) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu "Our Imperial Typesetter"? Not me, right? I mean, unless I get a pay raise, take that job and shelve it, eh? Unless you decree same, your Heinous. Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer. g (my mark) |
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05 Aug 16 - 05:33 PM (#3803769) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Time is neigh to announce your economic team my lord. |
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05 Aug 16 - 05:46 PM (#3803773) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu neigh?? |
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05 Aug 16 - 08:29 PM (#3803796) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We have been unusually busy with the business of Our Empire and We have not had time to dictate Our decrees. In the interests of Our Realm We shall not do that now, as We enjoy and know Our subjects enjoy surprises. We have no need of an "economic team" as everything in Our Realm belongs to Us. In Our magnanimity We allow Our subjects to enjoy enjoy these things with Us. We have no intention of raising Our Imperial Bouncer and Game Warden to the rank of Imperial typesetter. Thus We recommend that he calm himself with a few flagons of his choice tipple and get a good night's sleep. We are quite aware of his deficiencies in education and would never presume that he is literate beyond the modicum needful for daily life. On Tuesday next and until the Friday following We shall be very busy working on various joints in Our Suzerainty and may not be immediately available to Our subjects. We can only assure you, Our subjects, that these joints shall make life more enjoyable and pleasant in the future. In the mean time, the floggings shall continue, but hangings are suspended. Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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05 Aug 16 - 09:51 PM (#3803803) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu "We are quite aware of his deficiencies in education and would never presume that he is literate beyond the modicum needful for daily life." Well fuck you too, you big Emp. g, M.Sc.Eng., B.Sc.Eng, P.Eng., (my mark up your ass... plus, I can outgun you and all your fancy fuckin ordnance in the bush with a $300 o/u 12 ga Baikal any fuckin day of the week because I am the most badass Imperial Game Warden there ever was. Put a hole in the hole, me.) The Emperor has no ammo. |
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05 Aug 16 - 10:12 PM (#3803805) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel The board of intelligentsia has submitted their final version of Emperor election reform: The election winner must win 3 or 4 out of a total of four requirements It is a combination of 3 tests and the popular vote. The electoral college is canceled. exam 1- foreign policy made by pentagon& State Dept exam 2-domestic policy made by HUD NIH HLS Treas.DOL exam 3-a game of chess test 4-general election In the event of a 2-2 tie the popular vote will be a tie breaker. All gerrymandering is now illegal. If the popular vote tie breaker is too close to call within .1% the candidates will have a pissing contest winner take all. |
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06 Aug 16 - 01:17 AM (#3803814) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Good gnu, We do not find you deficient, but simply lacking. We Ourselves have a MS, BA, CDSA, Adv. Lib. Mng. Cert., and other silly things. As for outgunning or outshooting Us, We invite you to come visit and together we shall see. We shall use Our smaller 20 gauge side-by-side double, but if you insist We can use Our 12 gauge side-by-side; neither of them cost Us more than two hundred US dollars, but they meet Our wants. We can also provide classic 1892 model rifles should you wish to shoot something else. We shall be delighted to have you as a guest in Our humble, but adequate, mountain chalet in the mountains of Idaho. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (R) His Alternate Mark |
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06 Aug 16 - 08:06 AM (#3803858) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel tabled again and still the floggings continue until morale improves. |
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06 Aug 16 - 03:03 PM (#3803922) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu "We are quite aware of his deficiencies in education and would never presume that he is literate beyond the modicum needful for daily life." >>> "Good gnu, We do not find you deficient, but simply lacking." Who are you? Donald Hump? |
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06 Aug 16 - 03:13 PM (#3803924) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Oops... I forgot my mark, g. Sorry about that, Humperious Wreck. |
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06 Aug 16 - 03:38 PM (#3803930) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We suggest, good gnu, that you control yourself or We shall have to have the Imperial Bouncer deal with you. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rx ® His Mark |
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07 Aug 16 - 07:05 AM (#3804005) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu And just WHO would that be, Rex? Shall I give you a hint?... ME. Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter g My mark |
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07 Aug 16 - 09:03 AM (#3804017) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Ah, but you are not Keeper of the Imperial Oubliette.. (We had it constructed for double duty, nay, triple or even more numerous duties.) Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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07 Aug 16 - 04:21 PM (#3804062) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu where is Severn when you need him? |
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08 Aug 16 - 01:23 AM (#3804101) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Gnu......come on down! We have single, double and triple suites, and even a family suite should a client find it difficult to leave a partner and kiddies behind. Remember now - the family that is slayed together stays together! JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble (*) Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee) |
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08 Aug 16 - 12:31 PM (#3804185) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Ah, yes. Our Imperial Torturer hasn't had a lot of business of late. We find she is soliciting some to keep her hands busy, which We find quite admirable. Go on, Imperial Torturer, and rack 'em up! Whip up some business! Put the screws to them! Burn the midnight oil! You have Our permission to do so, as long as there is a fair trial before the malefactors are found guilty, or We adjudge so. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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09 Aug 16 - 02:23 AM (#3804271) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Oh Great One, I am thinking of a campaign to put the Imperial Oubliette out there in the public eye, and to this end have started to think on a slogan/s to be used for that purpose. Something along the lines of "Come and stay with us - we will flay you to your heart's content", perhaps? The linking of stay/slay/flay is there in the back of my mind...... A suitable soundtrack could be Tom Lehrer's "Masochism Tango", methinks. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble (*) Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee) |
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09 Aug 16 - 04:05 AM (#3804274) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Senoufou Most High Imperial Torturer, May I, as a humble oubliette-cleaner, respectfully offer my services as the Imperial Whip-Wiper and Shackle-Shiner? References may be obtained from Mr V.T. Impaler as to my punctuality and efficiency. Mme Senoufou, (Nettoyeuse Extraordinaire) Her mark S |
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09 Aug 16 - 10:22 AM (#3804305) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Despite the EMPORER's decimation of its critics the scandal regarding missing scroll mails continue to swell. Wrongful racking suits are being filed with the royal nasty commission RNC. Some have dared to say our lord should not be allowed to have his finger on the button of the trebuchet arsenal. Under ground stirrings are rumored that peasants are referring to our vengeful lord as El Douche instead of el Duce'. This bears the signature of a real dictatorial crisis. Where will it all end ??? |
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09 Aug 16 - 04:15 PM (#3804363) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Yeah? Well somebody has to get the blighters TO the Imperial Oubliette and that's my job so, when you say I am gonna have to bounce myself, I gotta wonder if yer scepter is still sighted in proper like, eh IRex? As far as fancy shotguns what you cost dirt, I can only assume that's because you bought 'em ages ago. As far as yer fancy riffles, nah, my cheapass Commie shotgun is all I need on the range because it works REAL good in the fly infested bog country of Kent County, New Brunswick where the trees are thicker than the flies so it'll be just fine on the range up to 150m on accounta I still have CIL ammo. Nowadays, we gotta load our own if we want decent ammo on accounta you Yanks brought in all yer cheapass store-bought ammo and put CIL outta business. Years ago, I had high brass up the ass... now, all I can buy is low steel crap. Good for shootin sparrows on the clotheline but useless in the one-by-ones (one inch diameter pines one inch apart). No disrespect intended. Well, some but not a lot. Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter g My mark |
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09 Aug 16 - 10:26 PM (#3804394) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Dear gnu, We assume you are referring to ammunition such as this. We assure you that We have in Our armories the very reality of that picture, a full box of fifty rounds. We suggest that you either eat your heart out or come visit Our mountain chalet, for if you do We will graciously and magnanimously allow you to shoot these bullets. We will allow you to use a rifle from your youth, misspent though it was. Your tears of gratitude and nostalgia would be Our only reward. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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10 Aug 16 - 06:46 AM (#3804434) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee My dear subjects, We must go on a journey of but a few days. We have learned that the Imperial Whisky Works is in need of an inspection and so, once again, We must labour for the Good Of All. We shall not be shirking Our duties, no matter how much we would like to enjoy the sun and the beach. Nay, We must work for the good of this, Our realm. We only ask that you keep Us and Our oubliette in your loving thoughts. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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10 Aug 16 - 06:05 PM (#3804505) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Good Sire, all of here in the deep dark underground regions of your kingdom send their best wishes for a good outcome and a speedy recovery! JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble (*) Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee) |
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11 Aug 16 - 09:54 AM (#3804570) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell I freely admit to pretty much ignoring this thread. I posted once in its early days and have rarely even opened it since. I also admit to openly ignoring Emperor Rapparee's derivative attempts at fiction writing on another thread. In both instances, I have greatly enjoyed said ignorings. In fact, I have become so expert at ignoring all things associated with Emperor Rapparee that I believe myself to be supremely qualified for appointment to The Emperor's Royal Court as "The Emperor's Royal Ignorer".* If, in His Royal Estimation, I am found to be qualified for such an esteemed post, please have a lackey notify me by Private Message. Please do not post a response in this thread as there is an extremely high likelihood it will be ignored. Should my petition be denied, let it hereby be known that I am also available for the position of "Royal Pain in the Ass" if said position has not been filled by some other yahoo. * Not to be confused with "The Emperor's Royal Ignoramus", that being another thing altogether and one which should properly be reserved for former Mudcatter Tweed, should he ever deign to honor us again with his presence. |
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14 Aug 16 - 05:15 PM (#3805117) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Glad to see his Imperious Rex-ness talking vegetables at MOAB. Hope the procedure was successful. |
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15 Aug 16 - 03:14 PM (#3805257) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We have never had any intention of naming Bee-Dubya-Ell to the post of "Royal Ignoramus." Such an action would demean Ourself! Therefore, We name Bee-Dubya-Ell, at his request, to the position of Royal Ignorer, and We further endow him with the title of Imperial Ignoramus. The latter is far more in keeping with Our dignity than a simple "Royal." When acting as Royal Ignorer We permit him to use the mark of {ri} and when acting as Imperial Ignoramus to use the mark [II]. The first is pronounced "rye" and the second "eye-eye." The appropriate brackets must also be used, as no documents he might utter are will be official without them. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His Alternate Mark |
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15 Aug 16 - 11:49 PM (#3805312) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T "If you want to go foraging into the wilds of Canada without proper gear, you deserve what you get, even if that happens to include being attacked by an undead moose." ― Mira Grant |
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16 Aug 16 - 12:08 AM (#3805314) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T "Let's broaden the definition of 'necessary." ― Howard Tayler |
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30 Aug 16 - 02:02 PM (#3807617) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu His Imperial Rexness is back on his feet and in motion! |
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30 Aug 16 - 02:39 PM (#3807623) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Undead moozzzze do not attack. They defend. All who harass undead moozzzze are subject to severe penalties including fine(s), forfeiture of all used in such harassment including all manner of transport, equipment and clothing, and any and all other that Our Emperor deems befitting. Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter g My mark |
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30 Aug 16 - 04:57 PM (#3807643) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell This thread has been ignored by the entire membership of the Mudcat Cafe since August 16! That's two full weeks of being ignored by Listen up, people! By appointment of Emperor Rapparee, I am the Royal Ignorer {ri}, not you! Ignoring this thread is my job, not yours! Why, I bet none of you people are even members of The Ignorers' Union! Future instances of ignoring this thread by anyone other than myself will result in dire consequences! You have been warned! Capice? Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri} |
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08 Sep 16 - 07:49 PM (#3809037) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Severn! Your puns are needed! Quit doing Bee Dubya Ell's job of ignoring this thread, wake up, and come on back here! |
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09 Sep 16 - 10:00 AM (#3809119) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Most excellent job, Royal Ignorer. We heartily commend and condemn you for it! 'Tis true, We are back on Our feet after suffering a coup de Jarnac whilst defending this, Our realm. Nay, We cannot yet skip and gambol like a baby goat in Springtime, but We are able to mount stairs and, if need arise, Our Imperial Warhorse while wearing Our Imperial armor or armour, as the case may be. Soon you will again be able to contribute to Our welfare another ten percentum of all you possess, and We know that this will be done with a willing and generous hearts. Those heartless who do not wish to contribute will, indeed, remain truly heartless throughout Our Imperial Eternity. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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09 Sep 16 - 11:44 AM (#3809145) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude Free whiskey from the emperor? |
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09 Sep 16 - 08:30 PM (#3809220) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T Free whickey, or whisky? |
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11 Oct 16 - 11:55 PM (#3814044) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu It seems that Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex has an alter ego called the Evil Overlord, to judge posts onto a much longer and older Mudcat BS thread. Or, as one subject titled him, A Neevil Overlord. |
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12 Oct 16 - 02:06 PM (#3814231) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu JennieG, respected and estimable Imperial Torturer, did you care to respond to Eliza a/k/a/ Senoufou's offer to be Nettoyeuse Extraordinaire? Also, your reputation has preceded you to the Mother of All BS threads where somebody we both know have mentioned you by office. |
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12 Oct 16 - 05:36 PM (#3814288) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Wow, fancy that......fame at last! Right now the Imperial Torturer (for which title I daily thank the Great Emperor Rapparee) is on holidays with Himself, staying in a campground on the north coast of New South Wales, getting refreshed and ready for the next sessions in the Imperial Oubliette. However, Oh Great Sire, the main topic of local news here has given me a few ideas for future reference - shark attacks happen in this area with almost monotonous regularity, including yet another (not fatal) yesterday. I am thinking that a shark or two in a large tank could be useful additions to said Oubliette? What do you reckon? A few hours swimming with a Great White would go a long way towards breaking the most recalcitrant wrongdoer. Jennie G Imperial Torturer etc. |
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12 Oct 16 - 06:21 PM (#3814297) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Sharks are for culling the herd and we seem to be falling behind. I suspect we shall have to gather some undesirables from the US presidential race and cover them with chum and chuck 'em in the salt. Usually, we in the department use tranquilizer darts for dangerous animals but, for this crowd, nah... we'll just rope 'em and chuck 'em. Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark*). |
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12 Oct 16 - 08:53 PM (#3814340) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We find that the ideas have great merit and should be implemented as soon as possible. We suggest a ramp made of soapstone or other materials up which the subjects could run before sliding back into communion with the sharks. Perhaps what We understand are called "bungee cords" might also be amusing, but We would not want to torture the poor sharks too much by pulling their repast away. We also understand that there are fish which are called "garra rufa" or "doctor fish" which are used for pedicures. Perhaps these might be hybridized by a cross with Pygocentrus nattereri, et al. to create a new fish We have named the "Nibbler." We would like Our Imperial Game Warden to begin this work immediately. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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24 Oct 16 - 02:31 PM (#3816280) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Ach, Severn, where were you when Ed T. quoted the quote about undead moose in Canada? Come back already! |
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24 Oct 16 - 06:59 PM (#3816329) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T "In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king" Michael Lewis |
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24 Oct 16 - 07:05 PM (#3816330) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T "Men in general judge more by the sense of sight than by the sense of touch, because everyone can see but only a few can test by feeling. Everyone sees what you seem to be, few know what you really are; and those few do not dare take a stand against the general opinion." Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince |
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24 Oct 16 - 07:45 PM (#3816338) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell Just thought I'd take a quick break from ignoring this thread to post a reminder for the Keeper of the Imperial Wardrobe. (There is a Keeper of the Imperial Wardrobe, isn't there? If not, someone needs to apply for the job, pronto.) Cold weather is just around the corner, and His Imperial Majesty is fond of wintertime outdoor activities. Please be absolutely certain that The Emperor has snow clothes. I shall now resume ignoring this thread. Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri} |
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25 Oct 16 - 07:32 AM (#3816417) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T Rules for the ruler |
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25 Oct 16 - 06:33 PM (#3816523) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Now I can stop bugging Severn to get over to this thread. Severn is in grand form being an Ick Theologist on the Old Dude thread, and Rapparee the Evil Overlord isn't doing so badly either over there. |
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26 Oct 16 - 01:28 PM (#3816647) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Yo EMP! I am a game warden. Ya want someone to hoe a new roe, you'll have to appoint an Imperial Biologist. Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark) |
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26 Oct 16 - 04:11 PM (#3816681) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T Is the Black fly/mosquito herding waren job taken yet? |
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27 Oct 16 - 08:28 AM (#3816798) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Yes. One of my qualifications is a B.Sc. in flyology I earned at the University of The Fly Infested Bog Country of Kent County New Brunswick. Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark) |
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02 Nov 16 - 03:31 PM (#3817763) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu And his Imperiousness is off for Illinois. |
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18 Nov 16 - 01:55 PM (#3821389) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Just had a really short haircut as part of the grieving process for, you know, what happened since the previous post. On my continuing educational rambles, the occasional surprise claims my attention. An episode of "Once Upon A Time" on network television introduced me, through Robert Carlyle's melodious Scots reading, to the poet and "Great War" veteran, Murdoch Maclean from Kintail in the West Highlands. Researching him further, I ordered from the British Library Imaging Department, a photocopy of the poem, as well as the song, written in honor of Edith Cavell. The delivery was yesterday. The photocopy of the 1917-ish print, published in Stirling, brought me more than I bargained for. Maclean's English poem was just inside. Following this was a song melody, with keyboard accompaniment; squeezed into the sheet music were two lyrics: the selfsame English poem by Maclean, and a Scottish Gaelic lyric by Malcolm MacFarlane; the tune was to be sung with the lyric of one's choice. So far, no surprises, as this was all in the British Library catalog description, along with all the info on the outside front page: all profits from sale going to the Scottish Edith Cavell Fund, dedication to Nurse Cavell's grieving mother, and more of the same. Then the final page of the printed song, and on the page following it, is what appears to be a pibroch! Author credit is given to "Jas. Wilson, Pipe Major. Q.V.S. [Queen Victoria School?] Dunblane." The little tune is labeled "Lament for Nurse Cavell." The British Library never so much as hinted at this. A genuine surprise. I am looking at it as I enter this post. What, O Imperious Retired Librarian, do you make of this discovery? Is it good news, or bad? Is it harmless, or infectious? Should I advise the British Library of the hidden pibroch in their archives? |
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18 Nov 16 - 06:29 PM (#3821425) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We are aware of pibrochs being found in numerous, unexpected, place. We know of a plumber, Paul, who placed a pibroch in his pants; he was, naturally, arrested when his drones dangled. This was in violation of Our legal Code which for obvious reasons damns dangling drones. The question of whether you should inform the BM* of your discovery should be resolved in favo(u)r of doing so. We suggest doing so only after transcribing said discovery and submitting it to an appropriate Learned Journal, such as The International Journal of Pibroch Studies or Occasional Pipes and Pibroch Papers. On the other hand, you might find that this place, of which We quite approve, may be interested. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark *British Museum. While We know that Edith Clavell was a nurse We do not approve of BMs in Our messages. |
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18 Nov 16 - 10:08 PM (#3821469) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell You found a rusty old boat in a book? Looks like it used to be The Imperial Garbage Scow. |
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19 Nov 16 - 12:40 PM (#3821574) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu O Gracious Imperious Rex the Ex Librarian, you bring a smile to my face when you refer to Nurse Cavell as "Clavell," for it reminds me of Ludwig Bemelmans' books from my childhood, about Madeleine/Madeline under the car of Miss Clavel at the orphanage. |
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19 Nov 16 - 08:03 PM (#3821643) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We forgive Our misspellings. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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19 Nov 16 - 08:44 PM (#3821652) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell I read those Madeline books to my daughter when she was young. I don't remember a story in which Madeline was "under the car of Miss Clavel". Or anyone else's car, for that matter. What was she doing under the car? Changing its oil? Adjusting its brakes? Are you sure it wasn't Curious George who was under the car? Sounds more like his style. |
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20 Nov 16 - 12:47 PM (#3821731) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu If the Imperious One can forgive His misspellings, I guess I can forgive mine -- one of those insidious misspellings, I see, that the spell-checker does not detect, since it passes muster as a different word with a different meaning. Under the car, indeed. I had no idea how badly I needed a good belly laugh. |
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20 Nov 16 - 10:23 PM (#3821793) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We hereby appoint Bee-Dubya-Ell Our Imperial Speller. Among other things his duties include casting spells, after Our approval, of course. We do hope that when he is casting spells here and there he doesn't harm anyone. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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23 Nov 16 - 08:32 PM (#3822342) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee In Our district of the United States of America tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. We are spending it in Our subdistrict of Indiana, enjoying a tasteful repast with Our friends. We encourage all of Our subjects to be thankful tomorrow for all that We have given them. As a special gift We hereby direct Our Imperial Torturer to allow the toes of all of the prisoners to touch the ground tomorrow between the hours of 0100 and 1700 GMT. The prisoners are also to be allowed 0.05 kilograms of fresh bread and 0.5 liters of clean water for their meal of thanksgiving as a sign of Our Imperial Mercy. The rest of Our subjects may, within the bounds of decorum, raise a ruckus. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (r) His alternate mark |
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23 Nov 16 - 11:28 PM (#3822357) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Message received loud and clear, Oh Great One! The chains will be relaxed for those few hours, and I shall lead a chorus of miscreants in praise for your magnanimity. Woe betide anyone whose voice is not raised loud and clear, as no mumbling or squeaking will be tolerated. Mumblers and squeakers will find a few extra years added to their sentences. Also, may I be the first to extend to you and your gathering of friends my best wishes for much sharing and joy at Thanksgiving? JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble (*) Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee) |
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24 Nov 16 - 10:55 AM (#3822481) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We wish all of Our subject would inform Us of what they, in their humble way, did to celebrate this day. In that way the gaiety might be shared among all. Thank you, Imperial Torturer, for your diligence. You may add "Semi-merciful" to your title. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex (a) His mark |
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25 Dec 16 - 08:19 PM (#3828722) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Just saying a wistful farewell to this thread, which has been mightily efficaceous in the lifting of spirits during this tumultuous year. |
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25 Dec 16 - 09:11 PM (#3828730) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We do no approve of your leaving. We command you to return to your scullery! Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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25 Dec 16 - 09:34 PM (#3828737) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Jon Freeman Take care rap can't find a version on youtube but instead a fragment of my own singing from a few years back, Rap. here |
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25 Dec 16 - 09:55 PM (#3828740) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell This thread has lifted my spirits as well. Many's the morning I have awakened wondering what I could do to relieve the toxic blue funk of my daily existence, when it has occurred to me, "I can ignore the Rap for Emperor thread!" I have ignored this thread while washing dishes, taking out the garbage, and performing many other tasks that I wouldn't have had the courage to undertake were this thread not around for me to ignore. Thanks, thread. Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri} |
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25 Dec 16 - 10:29 PM (#3828746) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We see that We have a new subject, a Jon Freeman. Welcome, and be certain to contribute 92% of everything you have, will have, or ever have had, to the continuing good of Our realm. Welcome back, Royal Ignorer. We hope that your Yuletide has been relatively pain-free. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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26 Dec 16 - 04:44 AM (#3828768) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Imperial Sire, the inmates of the oubliette, and of course my good self, would like to wish you and Her Most Imperial Highness Princess Patricia the compliments of the season! Kindest regards JennieG Imperial Torturer and Official Wrangler of the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble |
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26 Dec 16 - 06:32 AM (#3828786) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Jon Freeman Your excellency. As an ex emperor, I'm afraid it would be impossible to give 92% of everything I ever had. I am unable to re conquer lands for you. I trust and plead that in these highly unusual circumstances, you will understand. J Bony Parts F |
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26 Dec 16 - 10:07 AM (#3828817) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Churl Freeman, We forgive you the contribution on whatever you had prior to arriving in this, Our realm. We cannot forgive, and the reasons why should be obvious, the contributions of the present and future. We do now award you the title of Churl One and permit you to use this mark: ℅ . We are pleased that you have seen the error of being outside of this Our realm and only remind you that Jennie G., Our Imperial Torturer, is always looking for new banjo stings. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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11 Jan 17 - 01:01 PM (#3831939) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Banjo stings? I guess it would, in the hands of the Imperial Torturer.... |
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11 Jan 17 - 03:02 PM (#3831955) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Ah yes, indeed......you have never heard me play banjo, have you? Because I can't..... JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble (*) Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee) |
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11 Jan 17 - 04:09 PM (#3831962) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell Silly subjects! A banjo sting is an undercover law enforcement operation with an unorthodox twist. In most "sting" operations, the cops attempt to lure miscreants into fake pawn shops where they arrest them for attempting to sell stolen goods. In a banjo sting, cops attempt to lure miscreants into fake music stores where they arrest them for attempting to play banjo. Cities where banjo stings have been set up have seen marked improvement in public perception of law enforcement. It seems most people are willing to put up with unbridled graft, corruption and police brutality, as long as banjo players are kept off the streets. Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri} (Who couldn't help but not ignore such a marvelous setup.) |
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11 Jan 17 - 06:37 PM (#3831978) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Jon Freeman It is undoubtedly churlish of me to ask, O great one, but do you have bee stings collected in this magnificent land? I am, perhaps unreliably, informed their milk is quite wonderful. |
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11 Jan 17 - 10:36 PM (#3832000) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Churl One, We have collected all that might be of any importance. We have seen that there is a collection of bee stings, wasp stings, and other stings. We have also collected variations on these, such as bee stinks and wasp steins. You may apply to Our Omniscient and Omnipotent Imperial Librarian for further information. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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12 Jan 17 - 06:48 AM (#3832027) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Jon Freeman Thank you Your Excellency. I have called upon your most noble librarian who provided me with the most detailed catalogue for the above collections. It has been noted that there is a major omission in the Imperial collection of stinks where you have everything but the kitchen variety. Might I be bold enough to suggest a quest to capture one on these rare specimens. |
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12 Jan 17 - 06:13 PM (#3832178) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Now, here's a thing. Bee-Dubya-Ell has been appointed Imperial Speller. So what does he do when I quote "banjo stings"?.... |
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12 Jan 17 - 07:31 PM (#3832200) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell Oops! I forgot about that Imperial Speller appointment. But, hey, I didn't ask for it. It just got tossed in my lap like an overturned bowl of fish guts. And anyway, "banjo sting" is funnier than "banjo string", and funny trumps correctly spelled in 98.4% of all cases. |
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12 Jan 17 - 09:52 PM (#3832212) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We herewith and herein remove the title "Imperial Speller" to Mr. Bee-Dubya-Ell. He will, however, continue with the title of Imperial Ignorer until such time as We feel it necessary to revoke that title as well. In truth, We herein and herewith revoke that title as well. He is herewith granted the title of Imperial Ignoramus. We are not harsh. "Ignoramus" is simply Latin for "We Ignore." We find that a title in Latin befits him better, being to most as incomprehensible as he is. We extend Our Imperial Congratulations to Our new Imperial Ignoramus! Everyone who cares to may applaud. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His mark |
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13 Jan 17 - 12:01 PM (#3832356) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Ave Imperial Ignoramus! |
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13 Jan 17 - 05:16 PM (#3832425) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu I'd say he deserves the clap. |
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13 Jan 17 - 06:49 PM (#3832436) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T I'm sorry to hear that. Has he talked to a doctor? A butt shot of "peni" may be in order. |
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14 Jan 17 - 12:55 AM (#3832466) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: olddude I hear it's a slap from the nurse |
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14 Jan 17 - 04:45 AM (#3832484) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Will Fly Cave, Imperator, ad exercitum barbarorum banjo histriones sunt super te... |
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14 Jan 17 - 01:29 PM (#3832584) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu On behalf of inquiring minds throughout this Your realm, I should respectfully submit, Imperial Sire, expressions of concern and goodwill towards Your Princess Patricia. Word has reached us that she returns home in a different condition than she left in Your company. She has at least returned to This Your Empire in one piece, we hope? |
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14 Jan 17 - 05:00 PM (#3832629) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Our esteemed and beloved Imperial spouse, now resting, fell in a restaurant parking lot during Our recent visitation to Our province of Illinois. She dislocated her left index finger and badly bruised her left knee. This all resulted in a ride to the Emergency Room in a vehicle known locally and quaintly as an "ambulance." After x-rays her finger was reset by a barber-chirurgeon and relief was if not immediate (as We had commanded) but very close to it. However, she is still very much bothered by swelling and haemotoma in her left knee and foot. X-rays did not show any injury, but she will be seeing Our Imperial Barber-Chirurgeon here in the near future. We Ourself and Our beloved spouse both returned with quite uncommon colds, which were shared with Us by Our Imperial Great-Neice Averi, or possibly her sister Emeri, or perhaps both. We have not yet thanked them for this gift. Oh, yes! The owner, previous owners, workers, and previous workers from the time the restaurant opened up have been executed for failure to preclude accidents such as happened to Our Imperial spouse. Those who were in the restaurant when the injury occurred were deemed innocent in the matter and let off with only a Strong Rebuke. All of the city officials have been replaced and those who were incumbents at the time of the injury have been placed in the cinnabar mines for a period of no less than two (2) years and no more than the rest of their natural life. Emperor Rapparee, Imerious Rex ® His mark |
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14 Jan 17 - 11:38 PM (#3832668) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Most Gracious Sire, please pass on my well wishes to Her Most Regal Highness Princess Patricia for a speedy and painless (as much as possible) recovery, from one sempster to another. Should any workers from said restaurant need to be shown the error of their ways the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble is tuning up as we speak, and seats in the front row of the Imperial Dungeon Recital Hall are being held for that purpose. Such seats, it should be said, come with built-in restraining straps as we wouldn't want our guests leaving before the recital is done, thereby missing out on an amazing experience. Most of our recitals last a full eight hours. Longer hours available on request. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble (*) Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee) |
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15 Jan 17 - 05:49 AM (#3832706) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell The Imperial Ignoramus doth hereby petition Emperor Rapparee to change the mark (*) assigned to the Imperial Torturer Etc. to something more reflective of her position. How are miscreants expected to take seriously the ministrations of a torturer whose mark is a picture of the south end of a northbound cat? Perhaps something like (§) to indicate the twisting and dislocation of body parts one will endure while under the Imperial Torturer's care? Or maybe a simple (☠)? |
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15 Jan 17 - 10:32 AM (#3832759) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T It may bevtimevto pick a proper Imperial vehicle. Pick your official Imperial |
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15 Jan 17 - 08:06 PM (#3832874) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Bee-dubya-ell, I like the way you think - you are welcome in the dungeon anytime! JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble (*) Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee) |
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15 Jan 17 - 09:07 PM (#3832877) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Our Imperial Ignoramus has had an excellent thought, and We herewith withdraw from the Imperial Torturer her awarded Mark of (*). It is herewith replaced with the Mark [§] which is indicative not only of the twisting involved in her position, but also of the imprisonment of those to be twisted, those who have been twisted, and those being twisted. For his perspicuity Our Imperial Ignoramus is granted the Mark <¡!> which We find mathematically and linguistically appropriate. Naturally We herewith withdraw all previous Marks which he may have been granted. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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16 Jan 17 - 01:31 AM (#3832893) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Gee, thank you Sire! Perhaps (*) could be used for another designation now, it has done good and faithful service and it seems a shame just to toss it on the scrap heap. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee) |
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16 Jan 17 - 06:16 AM (#3832924) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell I agree with the Imperial Torturer and All That Other Stuff. The mark (*) should be repurposed, not thrown on the dung heap. For one thing, it's so easy to type. Just three adjoining keys, no need to copy & paste, no HTML expertise required. But to what use could it be put? Well, as previously noted, (*) looks a bit like the rear-end of a domestic house cat. It also resembles a person bending over to break wind. And, therein, I do believe, lies its utility. It is, of course, unseemly for The Emperor to break wind. Therefore, just as He had an Imperial Whipping Boy to take His thrashings for Him as an Imperious Lad, He should have an Imperial Breaker of Wind to do His farting for Him. Were our dear friend Catspaw still among us, the awarding of the mark (*) designating The Imperial Breaker of Wind would be what's sometimes referred to as a "no brainer". However, since Catspaw is gone and no other obvious candidate comes to mind, we humbly suggest the His Imperiousness reserve the Mark (*) until an Imperial Breaker of Wind can be designated. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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16 Jan 17 - 10:42 AM (#3832959) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Imperial Ignoramus, for the present We shall take your suggestion. We do agree about the lamented Spaw, and today name him and his memory Imperial and Eternal Broke-Dick Mammalucce Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary Both With And Without Portfolio. His Mark, to be used by no one else besides Ourself and our EB-DMEaPBWaWP shall be and is ≈ and should any unauthorized person use this Mark s/he will be bloated by Our Imperial Torturer. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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16 Jan 17 - 03:31 PM (#3833012) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell Your Imperial Majesty! I have it! The perfect candidate for the post of Imperial Breaker of Wind is (pregnant pause) Donald J. Trump! Think about it.... His last name already means "fart" in some circles. His mark (*) has a picture of an asshole in it, and he certainly is one. He will be seeking new employment in a few months, after President Pence is inaugurated and his sons refuse to give his company back. The only downside would be that he would need to be in close proximity to Your Imperial Majesty to perform his duties and the sight and sound of him may well be unbearable. But I'm sure the Imperial Torturer could come up with something to take care of that problem. As they say, "Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver." Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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16 Jan 17 - 09:26 PM (#3833055) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We shall seriously consider your suggestion, Imperial Ignoramus. There are certain aspects to it that appeal to Us. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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17 Jan 17 - 03:51 PM (#3833216) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu And just in time for an inauguration, at that. |
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17 Jan 17 - 08:34 PM (#3833263) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Jon Freeman I had considered this, Imperial Ignoramus but I did not feel it the place of a mere Churl who has forgotten his mark to offer this proposition. As one who did live in other lands before (as has been noted) seeing the errors of past ways can confirm that "Trump" indeed is a term for this occurrence in the somewhat quaint inhabitance known as England. On learning this subject has been raised and regarding the difficultly you express in that the said person may not be present when the gaseous materials are expelled, I beg to enquire whether the Imperial Emperor would have the preference to attribute this simply to a sign of strange winds (and possibly rumblings) from a foreign land? This, I respectfully submit may also demonstrate to the populace, the good care the Imperial Emperor observes towards our protection from the possibly hostile thoughts of less enlightened nations. Respectfully Churl One |
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17 Jan 17 - 09:22 PM (#3833267) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Churl One, your Mark, granted to your by Our Exalted Self, is (c/o) for Churl/One. We will assign Marks to later churls as the need arises but most probably in numerical order. We continue Our deliberations upon reassignment of the Mark (*). Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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21 Jan 17 - 04:18 PM (#3833963) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Jon Freeman, your earlier post about kitchen stinks has me scratching my head somewhat. What is a kingdom without a scullery? And where else would you find the kitchen stink, if not in or near the scullery? Surprised you haven't spotted it there... |
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21 Jan 17 - 05:22 PM (#3833971) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Oh Great One, the events of the past days have set me thinking: Are you going to have a coronation? If so, who would you consider to be a suitable person to place the crown on your Most Revered Head? JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee) |
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21 Jan 17 - 10:27 PM (#3834019) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We quote Romans 13: Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? Do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil. Thus We find neither need nor occasion for a coronation, being already crowned by the Almighty. And further, as King T'aejo wrote: It is heaven which created all the people of the earth, who ordained their rulers, heaven which nurtured them to share life with each other, and heaven which governed them so as to enjoy peace with one another. There have been both good and bad rulers, and there have been times when people followed their rulers willingly and other times when they turned against them. Some have been blessed with the Mandate of Heaven and others have lost it. This is the principle that has remained constant. We have not lost The Mandate of Heaven, and We willingly wear the burden which has been yoked to Our shoulders. No mortal crown could replace the one which has already been given Us, and so no coronation, no ceremony, could make Our rule more complete or more authoritative. But We thank you for asking. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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21 Jan 17 - 10:59 PM (#3834022) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T "The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown: The Lion beat the Unicorn all around the town. Some gave them white bread, some gave them brown: Some gave them plum-cake and drummed them out of town." ― Lewis Carroll |
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22 Jan 17 - 12:10 AM (#3834025) Subject: RE: BS: Caveat for Empteror From: Severn Beas wishes for a speedy and complete recovery to the Royal Spouse, Her Imperialositynessship and sorry about the ambiance of the ambulance from one who has ridden a few while marveling at the ceiling..... Dies the Royal Speller cast spells or merely cast spellchecks? Sorry, but I've been gone for a spell, in fact, I hosted the annual Ms. Spelling Pageant, which that spoiled brat Tori won again by bribing the judges, even though she wrongly wrote Errant Spelling where it asked for her father's name....... Your Empness, you ignore the fact that Jon is a Freeman by birth, and to keep such people out of the realm, you would have to erect a wall so strong that even Free Masons could not dis-Lodge, and they would be the only type that the treasury can afford these days. One possible solution would be to contact a splinter group that broke off from them (after trying and trying again), The Tall Seceders of Lebanon...... Yes, the coronation seems to have nearly evaporated, like so much milk. You'd have to add a lot of water and give a stirring speech..... Since when did our leader become such a Marksist, grading us on our marks. If I have a choice, I'd request Mark Twain, that is if that twain hasn't left without me...... Let us all sing our leader's praises: "Raparee, Rapper Rah Rapper Rah, Rapper Rah-ha-ha Hah-hah- hah, Rappery, Rap her raw, Who when he naps, sacks on his back....." |
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22 Jan 17 - 01:10 AM (#3834027) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Fair enough, Sire. But what about the Imperial Spouse, Her Most Gracious Highness the Princess Empress Patricia? Would she not like a tiara? I have one she can borrow, a gen-u-ine 1960s rhinestone number, quite a pretty thing. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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22 Jan 17 - 07:57 AM (#3834064) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T Wearing a Tiara, an Emperor could feel like a queen for a day. |
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22 Jan 17 - 03:34 PM (#3834137) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Severn, good to have you back. Not the same without you. |
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23 Jan 17 - 09:25 AM (#3834271) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee No, no thank you, Imperial Torturer. She has her own, along with the shoulder-length kid gloves she wore as a young Lady growing up in Our district of the District of Columbia. You thought is kind, but it is not yet needed. Which brings Us to the matter of Severn. We do hereby and herein appoint Severn Our Imperial Twain and allowed to use the Mark (±) This Mark more or less denotes his qualities. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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23 Jan 17 - 09:49 PM (#3834424) Subject: RE: BS: Rap 3 times 'n' say "Joe Sent Me" From: Severn I give to Her Highness, the rare and coveted Tiara del Fuego. She's already living with the curse..... OK, back to planning my radio show...... (_+_).....Hell, I'll figure it out. There must be some underline solution...."7%, right, Sherlock?".... I like Mark Twain much better than Mark Trail. Thanks, Your Excellingcy andMarquis, as well |
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23 Jan 17 - 09:52 PM (#3834426) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We are certain you will, Imperial Twain. We suggest that you search for the character map in your computer. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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24 Jan 17 - 08:46 AM (#3834491) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Sire! I request, and, by your leave, shall be off to Your town of Springdale, NF to meet with DFO officers for a wee chat regarding their treatment of one of your subjects, a lad of a mere twelve years old, who was earning money to build an ice fishing shack by fishing and selling smelts in Your Gander Bay South, NF. Yes... Gander Bay South. THAT far away. Apparently, the loooonnng arm of the law matches the stupidity of these fisheries wardens. My evidence is hereby given. Respectfully and sincerely, Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark*). |
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24 Jan 17 - 08:59 AM (#3834494) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Go, and remind them that Our Imperial Torturer has some slack time now. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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24 Jan 17 - 10:19 AM (#3834511) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell I was saddened at The Imperial Game Warden's tale of the young man arrested for selling smelts. It's totally unfair. It would be a different matter if he were touting trout, pawning prawns, swapping swai, hawking herrings, or some other form of obviously self-serving alliterative fishmongery. But selling smelts? What? He was arrested by the Department of Fisheries and Oceans? Oh.... I thought he was busted by the Poetry Police.... Never mind. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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24 Jan 17 - 08:43 PM (#3834662) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Turns out I didn't have to go to The Granite Planet, The Rock, THE Island... twixt the internUt and some local good ol' b'ys, the situation has rectified itself. And I mean rectally... them there wardens been getting their asses kicked hell west and crooked! Imagine... how did they not know they were doing something soooo stupid? Slow day or what? (In more than one sense.) Maybe Sire needs to initiate an award system? The Stunnedasmearse Award? |
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24 Jan 17 - 09:08 PM (#3834668) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We are pleased that those interfering malcontents, those who would persecute a youngster for doing good, have been corrected. We would would have been more pleased if the Imperial Torturer had been the one to correct them, but We assume that their bodies shan't be soon found. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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25 Jan 17 - 05:42 AM (#3834712) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Indeed they won't. The waters of that part of our planet are deep and cold, and that which goes down seldom comes up again. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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31 Jan 17 - 02:52 PM (#3835974) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu In my humble abode far from Pocatello, I heard reports of record snowfall in Rap's Imperial Territory, are these reports true? Watching it snow on the East Coast today. |
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31 Jan 17 - 04:26 PM (#3835984) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Sire, I must report new intel. Seems da fadder weren't so much an angel in all a this here stuff what went on eh? Dem fellahs from yer DFO was actually doin er jobs, wha? Here's the intel. So. DFO whaddn't wrong and the kid whaddn't but the fadder got n arse kicked a wee tad on accounta DFO was doin n job as they should. Oooooo.... me nerves! No time for marks. I gotta serve supper. |
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31 Jan 17 - 05:43 PM (#3835992) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell Dear Emperor Most High, It has come to my attention that a certain individual is entertaining imperial ambitions without having first studied the standard text of the trade, "Emperorship for Dummies". He has been ruling rashly and impulsively, not wisely and reasonably as plainly outlined in Chapter Two of the text. We beseech You to enter into counsel with this particular emperor wannabe and, perhaps, impart unto him a few pointers regarding how the job should be properly approached. Perhaps loan him Your copy of "Emperorship for Dummies" if necessary. And loan him a scribe to read it to him. We hear he hates reading anything over 140 characters in length. He's easy to find. Just look for the guy with the elaborate orange comb-over, scowling countenance, and dismal job approval numbers. Your Imperial assistance in this matter would be greatly appreciated by myself and approximately six billion other persons. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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31 Jan 17 - 09:32 PM (#3836025) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Yes, Our territory has experienced a record fall of snow, 4.5 inches (11.43 cm) on January 25. For the month of January We have had 32.2 inches (81.79 cm), and so far this winter We have had 63.3 inches (160.78 cm) of snow. The current snow depth is 13.3 inches (33.78 cm). More snow is expected, as is rain, of which We have also had a record amount for this time of year. We believe that this will cause flooding, so We have alerted our Imperial responders. Of course, Our palace sits near the top of a hill, 4,800 feet (1,463.04 m) above sea level, so We do not expect flooding problems. However, such may be a problem for those in the lower depths. Good gnu, please deal with matter as you see fit. We suggest that you refer those involved to Our Imperial Torturer if necessary. Good Imperial Ignoramus, We sent him a copy of the tome you mentioned, as well as a copy of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Emperoring. We also included some books on grooming and Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People as well as various popularity-enhancing guides to accordion and banjo playing. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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31 Jan 17 - 10:25 PM (#3836031) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Amos While I would love to hear the Imperial Cheetoh play banjo, I have to demur as regards the appointment of Rapparree as Emperor. He has a long record of vocabulary snatching, shallow referential contortionism and (shudder) plagiarism. Anyone who doubts this need only read the full scope of the Mother of All BS thread, to which he has been a steadgast underhanded and shadow-poxed contributor. Free yourselves from this heinous and slavish bondage, Mudcatters!! Rise up! Rise up!! DOwn with the Emperor! |
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31 Jan 17 - 11:24 PM (#3836032) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell Dear Mr. Amos, Please be advised that Rapparee was not made Emperor by "appointment". An appointment is what one makes to see a doctor about a painful, burning sensation while urinating. Rapparee's elevation to Emperor was an act of divine Providence. And if you've ever met Providence, I'm sure you'll agree she is quite divine. She's probably the reason why Rapparee had to make the appointment to have that painful, burning sensation checked out. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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01 Feb 17 - 07:46 PM (#3836177) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We herein and herewith appoint and name Amos to be Our Imperial Naysayer. His mark shall be ≠ and all correspondence from anyone or anything alleging to be him must bear this mark. His title shall henceforth be "Imperial Naysayer." Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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02 Feb 17 - 09:02 AM (#3836258) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T "I have taken the liberty of quoting at length throughout from the gospels of the Emperor penguins. To them I owe a special debt of gratitude for their remarkable patience." ― Donald Finke |
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02 Feb 17 - 09:04 AM (#3836259) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T "Anyway, a bunch of penguins were living in a ceramic bowl of cold spaghetti noodles. There was no tomato sauce because it didn't exist yet, but that was okay. As the spaghetti was cold, moisture condensed upon it. This kept the spaghetti from sticking, or from sticking to the penguins, or the bowl. It also kept the penguins from sticking to the bowl, and from sticking to each other. As I mentioned, tomato sauce did not exist yet. You should realize since this was a beginning, the moisture didn't either. Neither did the bowl. I think you can guess about the penguins. How could there be penguins if nothing existed yet?" ― David S. Atkinson |
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02 Feb 17 - 09:13 AM (#3836261) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T "But you have to understand, mental illness is like cholesterol. There is is good kind and the bad. Without the good kind- less flavor to life. Van Gogh, Beethoven, Edgar Allen Poe, Sylvia Plath, Pink Floyd (the early Piper at the Gates of Dawn line up), scientific breakthroughs, spiritual revolution, utopian visions, zany nationalism that kills millions- wait, that's the bad kind." ― Tim Dorsey |
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02 Feb 17 - 11:47 AM (#3836297) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell Dear Emperor Rapparee, If Ed T does not already have an Imperial title, please consider granting him one. Quoting Tim Dorsey is de facto proof of his Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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02 Feb 17 - 12:34 PM (#3836311) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T "Almight father. Please stop making jerks. Amen" Tim Dorsey |
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02 Feb 17 - 04:42 PM (#3836366) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Amos I must gratefully decline Mister Rapparee's offer of a position in his soi-disant court; having given no credence to his existence in the self-styled imperious role, it would be entirely inconsistent and lacking in integrity to engage in dialogue predicated on such an imaginary identity. I urge all Mudcatters to rise up and cast off the mantel imposed by this spurious will-of-the-wisp, and assert your free and independence minds! En bas L'Empereur! |
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02 Feb 17 - 10:10 PM (#3836415) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Imperial Torturer, please attend to the Imperial Naysayer. We give you Our thanks. Imperial Ignoramus, We are considering your suggestion. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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02 Feb 17 - 11:12 PM (#3836417) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell I'm sure the Imperial Naysayer will change his mind when he learns of the generous compensation package that comes along with being a titled member of Emperor Rapparee's court. That's right, everyone gets cute little bags of sand with currency symbols printed on them! Pretty impressive, huh? I use mine for doorstops. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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03 Feb 17 - 06:44 AM (#3836451) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Imperial Sire, please forgive my recent absences. Last week the Imperial Oubliette suffered an almighty flood in the kitchen and living rooms, causing carpet to have to be taken up and removed, bookshelves emptied and discarded because of water damage and mould, the possible removal of all (quite a large area, believe me) the kitchen/family room tiles and now your humble Torturer and Spouse are facing the possibility of having to have an entire kitchen gutted and removed. As a result the Imperial Torturer and Spouse are facing the possibility that the cinematic epic of Ben Hur may be surpassed by this catastrophe. Rest assured, Sire, that the Imperial Oubliette will be up and running again as soon as possible. We just don't know when that will be. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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03 Feb 17 - 08:53 AM (#3836467) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Imperial Torturer, may We suggest that the Imperial Naysayer be put to work on your problems? You then could, as they say, kill two birds with one stone, or at least whip him into shape. You do have Our Imperial Sympathy, as even We have experienced such catastrophes in the past. Have you contacted your insurance agent? Let Us know if you have and nothing is done, as We could bring certain pressures to bear. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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03 Feb 17 - 10:31 AM (#3836489) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell I also am distressed to hear of the damage to the Imperial Oubliette. In an attempt to brighten the spirits of the Imperial Torturer and Assorted and Sundry Other Things, I have composed this little song, to be sung to the tune of "Ain't She Sweet". Note: "Oubliette" is a word of French origin. Considering that French is the laziest language in the world, and that it's often impossible to find any correspondence between how a word is written and how it is pronounced, "oubliette" is probably pronounced by native speakers of French as something like "uh-bluh". But for the purposes of this song, we shall pronounce it "oo-blee-ett". Okay? ♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬ Oubliette It's so dingy dank and wet Have you ever seen a place as creepy as Oubliette Oubliette If you haven't been there yet There's a few surprises waiting for you at Oubliette Just take a look at what's around you The rats and fleas, they will astound you Oubliette It's as bad as it can get And we hope that you enjoy your stay in our Oubliette ♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬ Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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03 Feb 17 - 04:35 PM (#3836560) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Thank you for your good thoughts, Imperial Sire - yes, the insurance company are onto it. We are keeping them up to the mark with the occasional glimpse into the Refined Torture Chamber. Imperial Ignoramunuss, thank you for lightening the load of our current stress! Last year I myself personally arranged a setting of this song (together with "Five foot two, eyes of blue" about a miscreant who used to be six foot three and have eyes of brown) for ukulele, so shall teach it to the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble forthwith. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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03 Feb 17 - 08:50 PM (#3836584) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We are pleased, Imperial Ignoramus. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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04 Feb 17 - 06:33 PM (#3836786) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell It has come to my attention that all the really big guns in emperordom and such have appellations appended to their names. Peter the Great, Ivan the Terrible, Jabba the Hut, Wanko the Sane, etc. Why does our Emperor Rapparee not have a similar appellation? Should we have a contest to see who comes up with the best name? Personally, I think "Rapparee the Learned" would be nice. But what do I know? I'm just a lowly ignoramus. And anyway, I only suggested that one because something like "Rapparee the Insipid" or "Rapparee the Flatulent" might provoke the Imperial Ire. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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04 Feb 17 - 07:50 PM (#3836792) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We agree, lowly Imperial Ignoramus. We have long preferred "Dominus et Deus Meus" but some have objected to Latin. Therefore, be it known that We have this day affirmed a contest as suggested by the Imperial Ignoramus. The contest will end at midnight Mudcat Time, Saturday, February 11, A.D. 2017. There will be various rewards, all fitting. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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05 Feb 17 - 06:09 PM (#3836987) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Hoping that Your imperial Spouse Patricia is feeling better under the ministrations of the Imperial Barber/Chirurgeon since returning home. I thought of her when I fell in the library parking lot, squarely on the knee with a pre-existing bone bruise. Since when the knee has been uncommonly colorful. I hope Patricia's hematoma is history already. |
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07 Feb 17 - 02:34 PM (#3837386) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Your Rapness? Are you two doing better now? |
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08 Feb 17 - 11:40 AM (#3837576) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We thank you for your concern. Our Imperial Spouse, who returned home last evening from Our province of Indiana, is on her way to have her hand injuries further evaluated after she has a follow-up mammogram (requested by Our Imperial Chirurgeon). Her knee injuries are being treated with warm, moist heat and she will have another examination shortly. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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08 Feb 17 - 12:39 PM (#3837586) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Richard Bridge 400 |
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08 Feb 17 - 12:46 PM (#3837587) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gillymor I'm just getting warmed up here but how about "The Imperious Wreck"? |
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08 Feb 17 - 12:51 PM (#3837589) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu "Tyrannosaurus Rap"? |
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08 Feb 17 - 03:17 PM (#3837620) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Amos Rapparree the Imaginary is my vote. It's bad enough that the world is willing to tear itself in half over the nature of imaginary entities, but for Mudcatters to throw in with that invidious and toxic game is just about as bad as Trumpery. I swan. Well, actually, I don't. But I know someone who does. En bas l'Empereur Imaginaire! |
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08 Feb 17 - 03:53 PM (#3837627) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Severn Are you sure the kid wasn't salting smelts to revive the unconscious? Would that be considered "a salting within tent", or was he not camping out at the time?.... Being an insomniac, I feel that that unconsciousness should undergo a revival, at least until it's safe to be revived, say, in four years or so. Going "R.I.P. Van Winkle" for awhile seems appealing at the moment....... Those aforementioned Poetry Police once revoked my Poetic License because of too many Meter Violations. Fortunately, I was not left without reason, only without rhyme, but under adverse conditions, I still tend to add verses anyway. Sometimes, I feel like it's Me verses the World, but often, or at least often on, I actually get some help help...... |
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08 Feb 17 - 08:13 PM (#3837671) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T "Entities should not be multiplied beyond necessity." William of Ockham |
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08 Feb 17 - 08:22 PM (#3837672) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We find it unusual that the Imperial Naysayer would doubt Our existence, especially since he has met Us in corpus. We must, therefore, declare that the Imperial Naysayer is an imaginary being, a creature of Our mind, and a strange creature at that. Elsewhere he stated that he had shipped 6.5 tons (6,604.30 kg). We have found out that this load was accurate and consisted of one very beat up aluminum cooking pan, two rickety chairs, and banjos. Over 6,500 kg. of banjos! According to Our Imperial Researchers, the average banjo (should there be such a thing) weighs 10.75 pounds (4.88 kg). Thus 6,500 kg of banjos yields a total of at least 1,332 banjos. We do not know what the Imperial Naysayer intends to do with those banjos, but it would allow 666 people (note the number!) to play "Dueling Banjos" against each other simultaneously. We believe that the Imperial Naysayer is up to No Good. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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08 Feb 17 - 09:15 PM (#3837681) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Amos It is not Rapaire's existence I doubt, sirrah, but any smidgen of an iota of a crumb of any part of any rationale for referring to him as an Emperor. He can barely rule his own flatus half the time. Arise, people of Mudcat, and throw off your imaginary yokes! En bas l'Empereur! |
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09 Feb 17 - 11:41 AM (#3837808) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince A proper complete title for a leader of such stature should be at least a few words long; perhaps, "Michael the Catastrophic, Emperor Raparee", with a few subtitles for use on ceremonial occasions. |
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09 Feb 17 - 01:19 PM (#3837824) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince His complete title should definitely include "priore libro tergiversatorem". |
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09 Feb 17 - 02:40 PM (#3837834) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell I keep hearing a subliminal voice saying, "Rapparee the In....", but it fades away before finishing the last word. All I get is "In...." It could be "Inconsequential" or "Incontinent" or "Insufferable" or any one of hundreds of possibilities. I'm pretty sure it's not trying to say, "Intelligent" or "Incredibly Handsome" or"Indescribably Delicious". But, then again, I was pretty sure Donald Trump wouldn't be elected president. |
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09 Feb 17 - 04:59 PM (#3837864) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Oh Great Sire, an article in our local news media this morning may give some ideas about setting up your Imperial Realm: Micro-nations of Australia I quite like the idea of the pyramid near Boorowa, and can myself personally recommend two excellent cafés and a pub in Boorowa as it is a regular stop on the Imperial Torturer's visits to family in more southern climes. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) P.S. The private quarters of the Imperial Torturer and Spouse will be out of action for longer than anticipated, as the flood damage is worse than we first thought. It will not, however, impede the smooth running of the Imperial Oubliette. JG |
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09 Feb 17 - 07:03 PM (#3837882) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee "First Book Renegade." We rather like that. Imperial Ignoramus, many words begin with "in." Including "innocent," "inclusive," "indulgent," "ingenious, and, of course, "ineffable." Imperial Torturer, We thank you for the idea. Perhaps Our country of Australia would be a good place to build a pyramid. Do We need to file paperwork or can We just tell them what We are going to do? We would not want to violate any local mores. We herein declare the Imperial Naysayer a non-person, non-thing, and non-place, but We permit him to keep his title. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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10 Feb 17 - 12:13 AM (#3837903) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG As far as I know, Sire, you can build whatever you like on your own land provided it passes government regulations - haven't put it to the test myself. Perhaps a chain of pyramids encircling the world would be a nice idea? It could be used for simultaneous banjo recitals. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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10 Feb 17 - 01:38 PM (#3838082) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince 'At-sa funny; for me it came out translated "former book arranger". |
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10 Feb 17 - 02:25 PM (#3838098) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Birthday alert! Seems he has one tomorrow! The Ignoramus better get busy ignoring it. |
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10 Feb 17 - 03:33 PM (#3838124) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell The Imperial Birthday shall be dutifully ignored. I shall commence the ignoring process immediately. In fact, I shall ignore it retroactively, beginning with last Tuesday. That will constitute a full twelve days of ignoring, which is the requisite length stipulated for "Spurious Emperors" in the "Birthdays and Other Occasions One Should Have Outgrown By Now" chapter of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Ignoring". Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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10 Feb 17 - 10:32 PM (#3838175) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We find that Wonderful Things happened on February 11: *Thomas Edison, Leo Szilard, Max Baer, Josh White, Eva Gabor, Sidney Sheldon, Lloyd Bentsen, King Farouk I, Mary Quant, Lesley Nielsen, Jeb Bush, Burt Reynolds, Cheryl Crow, and (God help Us!) Sarah Palin all share Our birth date. So too did George Washington prior to 1752. *On this date the Empire of Japan (not nearly as nice as Ours) was founded, Emperor Claudius of Rome died or was murdered, Robert Fulton patented the steamboat, Norway declared independence, Glenn Miller was presented with the first gold record, the comic book "Archie" was first published, and China lifted a ban on the works of Aristotle, Dickens, and Shakepeare. *Rene Descartes, Honore Daumier, Oswaldo Cruz, Sylvia Plath, Patrice Lumumba, Whitney Houston, Peter Benchley, Frank Herbert, and Leon Foucault died. There are many more things which share Our birth date, such as the first apparition at Lourdes and Abraham Lincoln's mother being in labor. But We are renowned for Our humility and make no show of these things. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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10 Feb 17 - 11:36 PM (#3838176) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Imperial Sire, the great day has already dawned here (all right, so it's half way over) so the staff and inmates of the Imperial Oubliette wish to send felicitations on your Natal Day! As we speak, the Empiratical Banjo is tuning up in the corner for their rendition of a birthday ode. The current temperature in the Oubliette is, due to a heatwave in Oz, at somewhat hellish levels (currently 42.6 deg C, or 108.68 of your degrees) so if the banjos sound a little out of tune we humbly apologise. It's difficult to keep strings in tune in this heat. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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11 Feb 17 - 07:57 AM (#3838244) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu I got "previous book shuffler". |
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11 Feb 17 - 08:13 AM (#3838250) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel In honor of the event we ordered our nuclear sub fleet to continually broadcast ELF signals that sent 659 whales to escape the painful bursting of their inner ears to ground themselves with another 400 expected today in New Zealand. Torture by noise is one of your best inventions yet. Happy post partum day Your Imperial Caesar Imperator Lucius Aelius Aurelius Antoninus Commodus Augustus Pius Beatus Sarmaticus Maximus Germanicus Maximus Britannicus Maximus, Pax Orbis, Invictus, Utanus Herculaeus, Pontifex Maximus, Patria Patriae, Amazonius Fortunatus, Consul for the Seventh Time, Kahuna for the Eighth Time, Tribune for the Eighteenth Time and Rapitus holder pf the keys of Cayman. |
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11 Feb 17 - 08:14 AM (#3838251) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu HAPPIES ATCHYA BUD! |
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11 Feb 17 - 10:50 AM (#3838271) Subject: Rappy Birthdate! From: Severn "Rappy Birthday To You" (a traditional Rap Air) will be sung joyfully throughout the land. However any parodies will be classified as an "Extraditional Air" and the singers and composers will be dealt with in the extraditional way and said works destroyed.It will be Parodies Lost, as they shall be banished from parodies and be thrown outside of the garden gate by whatever Gardening Angel guardin' the gate at the time. The gatekeeper will see to it that the offender maintains a steady gait in the direction of Far Away From Here in full realization that "NOBODY can beat the Rap"....... The Future has arrived and all presents shall now be passed, both Rapped and unwrapped and be given our rapt attention. To those who wrote "Many Happy Returns" on the card, His Emptitude has issued a warning that everything should work, fit or be the right color the first time. A pie is brought out with four and twenty blackbirds singing the aforementioned Imperial Birthday Anthem to banjo accompaniment. and "The Emp", older and hopefully wiser, roars to the waiter and the chef, "TAKE IT BACK! It's not DONE yet!.... Uh....I mean the song itself was quite well done, but OFF WITH THEIR HEADS anyway, (as well as their feathers for that matter), and bring it back when it's ready. It does SMELL quite delicious, with a delicate essence, like those made in delicatessens."...... "While we are waiting, BRING ON THE DANCING GIRLS!......... |
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11 Feb 17 - 11:55 AM (#3838281) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell For dancing girls, I am willing to put the ignoring of The Imperial Natal Day on hold. Especially if this young lady is going to be there. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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11 Feb 17 - 01:05 PM (#3838292) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu I clicked that link, Rap. It froze my computer. I clicked cancel 4 times and it played anyway on the 4th cancel. Now I gotta do a virus scan and check for downloaded unwanted apps. |
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11 Feb 17 - 06:44 PM (#3838351) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu With the heat in Oz, I figure not only the banjo strings, but the very banjo-head, must be in trouble... |
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12 Feb 17 - 12:50 PM (#3838470) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee, by whatever title Frogprince chooses for you, and in the aftermath of your anniversary, I bow to you. On this your Birthday, you and you alone found Ken Lonnquist's video from Harborfest 1990 of himself singing his own song, "He Didn't Eat His Broccoli." And you provided a link from my Remember the Broccoli thread, validating the original post and indeed the whole of the modest thread. Imperious Rex, you made someone else's bad day a lot happier. All honor and praise be yours. |
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12 Feb 17 - 10:03 PM (#3838556) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We had an extraordinary natal anniversary, staying home coughing and eventually We went out to dine. Then We came back and as they say around here, "Laid low." Imperial Torturer, it was not difficult. We did spend many years "looking things up." We thank everyone for their good wishes. Those in the oubliette can now be flushed. The results of the contest will be announced shortly. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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13 Feb 17 - 12:09 PM (#3838680) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu I am sorry that you all think of me as the torturer. I will try to amend my ways. |
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13 Feb 17 - 03:49 PM (#3838727) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu keberoxu. Don't mind him. He get's mixed up. Just had ANOTHER Bday so.... |
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20 Feb 17 - 05:51 PM (#3840278) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell I would like to express my sincere and heartfelt thanks to all the folks who have not posted to this thread for the last week. Being the Imperial Ignoramus (He Who Ignores) is a hard job to do alone. It's much easier when everybody else chips in. Together, we have successfully ignored this thread for seven days! Give yourselves pats on the back* and well-earned rounds of applause. *The Imperial Torturer may wish to put the cat-o-nine-tails down before attempting to pat herself on the back. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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21 Feb 17 - 12:28 AM (#3840327) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Bee-dubya-ell, we now have a new cat-o'-nineteen tails. Instead of knots at the business end of the ropes we have sharp little spiky blades. They get the job done quicker and more efficiently, and besides which - you wouldn't believe how much fun they are to use! As damage to the Imperial Torturer and Spouse's living quarters are still being assessed from last month's flood, we are taking our fun where we can get it. There is, however, an upside to having no carpet......there is no need to worry about removing stains. Some miscreants leave a bit of a mess in the Oubliette and, try as we may, it isn't always possible to wipe one's shoes completely. The former carpet always showed unfortunate marks. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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21 Feb 17 - 09:19 AM (#3840413) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We shall announce the results of the Imperial Flattering Name contest as soon as those of a degrading or scurrilous nature have been weeded out, along with those who made those submissions. No, keberoxu, We do not think of you as the Imperial Torturer. That position has already been taken by Jennie G., but if you wish you might apply to her for an apprenticeship. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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21 Feb 17 - 05:54 PM (#3840578) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Amos Or, failing that, Chief Disabuser, iconoclast and Imperial Parade Rainer. |
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21 Feb 17 - 07:11 PM (#3840598) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Our Subjects! Your Emperor must again put Himself into the hands of barber-surgeons. Thursday next We will present Our self so that Our Imperial Left Bicep can be rejoined with Our Imperial Radius And Ulna. We do this as an example of forbearance and strength in the face of pain for you, Our subjects. Please let Our good example show you what you, too, could do if needful. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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21 Feb 17 - 09:49 PM (#3840629) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Yikes, Sire! Those barber surgeons are getting their pound of flesh from you lately! Best wishes for a speedy recovery from the indignities which will be inflicted upon you. |
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22 Feb 17 - 12:05 AM (#3840644) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell We regret that we will not be able to ignore this thread for a couple of days due to the fortuitous arrival of the latest Tim Dorsey book on our coffee table. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus (currently on leave) His Mark <¡!> |
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22 Feb 17 - 05:15 PM (#3840840) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We shall awaken around 5:30 a.m. Mudcat Time, which is 3:30 a.m. Imperial Time. Then We shall awaken The Creator, as she or he does not usually awaken that early. We shall present Ourself to barber-chirurgeons two hours later, and shall undergo their knives at 9:00 a.m. Mudcat Time, which is 7:00 a.m. IT. We should be in Our Own Imperial Bed before the noon meridian IT. Take heart from Our sufferings! We do this for you, Our subjects, and especially for the Imperial Nay-Sayer who will all too soon experience the same or worse. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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22 Feb 17 - 10:27 PM (#3840889) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG 5.30 A.M. Mudcat time is 9.30 P.M. on the same day in the Imperial Oubliette. We're always a bit ahead of ourselves here. Sop while you are going Under The Knife suffering unspeakable nasties we will be tucked up in our beds, sleeping the sleep of the innocent. Some of us will be innocent, anyway..... JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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23 Feb 17 - 12:44 PM (#3841003) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Thinking of His Imperial Rapness, and hoping his Imperial barber-chirurgiens render him fit for the Norway Cruise, which would be a lovely way to take his mind off having his arm in a sling or something. |
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23 Feb 17 - 12:51 PM (#3841005) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell His Imperial Majesty should be aware that, unlike His recent hernia surgery, the reattachment of a bicep does not require shaving of the Imperial Pubic Region. If, perchance, our Emperor should awaken to find the Imperial Scrotum to be less forested than before the procedure, He should consider it a strong indication of either incompetence or undo familiarization. Sending the attending barber-surgeons and all their assistants on a visit to the Imperial Oubliette would be appropriate. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus (currently on leave) His Mark <¡!> |
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23 Feb 17 - 03:44 PM (#3841052) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Ed T How to (squeekingly)address an Emperor |
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05 Mar 17 - 03:27 PM (#3843031) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu I shudder, fellow imperial citizens, to think what might become of the barber-chirurgien if the splint comes off and then he says Nix to Norway Cruise. Let's hope the barber-chirurgien gets to remove that splint AND keep his head on his shoulders.... |
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05 Mar 17 - 08:42 PM (#3843066) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We wouldn't do that. It is far, far too quick. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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06 Mar 17 - 02:09 PM (#3843235) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Emperor Emperious wrecks; An Omen from the East. Regarding Sir Amos, famous for his uncanny, incredibly lucky, impeccable sense of timing, It has been seen by many that he has moved from the west coast to the east. Our Royal soothsayers are in agreement that this means only one thing. When will it be time to WARN West Coast Imperial dwellers that the obvious coming of Lord Tsunami is nigh? We are now 124 years overdue for a west coast coastal disaster. The royal soothsayers have agreed upon May 1st as the day the wave arrives. When will we blow the horn of Gretchen and warn the western provinces? |
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06 Mar 17 - 08:55 PM (#3843323) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee They can read and listen. We do not feel it necessary to do more at this time. If anyone wants to blow We suggest May 2nd. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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07 Mar 17 - 06:00 PM (#3843519) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Waiting, quietly and patiently, to hear how the MD treated his imperial patient. |
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07 Mar 17 - 09:05 PM (#3843551) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Quite well, and We thank you for your concern. The results of Our Naming contest are in and will be posted very soon. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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11 Mar 17 - 08:33 PM (#3844375) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Happy Sails to You, Imperious Rex, and Your Imperial Spouse. By the time you get back, I might even have all of Bacchylides' original Greek data-entered on the Paean to Peace thread. |
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12 Mar 17 - 02:58 PM (#3844510) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee My people, We must away to capture Norway for Our Imperial Realm. Do not despair, as We will not forget you. A word to the Imperial Ignoramus and the Imperial Naysayer: We do not suggest that you attempt a coupe or revolution, as We have facilities to prevent such of which you have not even dreamed and We shall be checking in periodically. The most winning title was "Emperor Rapparee, the Rapturous." Other titles will be announced after We have returned from Our campaign in Norway. Emperor Rapparee the Rapturous ® His Mark |
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12 Mar 17 - 04:13 PM (#3844518) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Best wishes on your foray to Norway, oh Great One! Should you find a spare Viking or two hanging around doing nothing they are always welcome in the Imperial Oubliette. I'm sure they would have wonderfully refined ideas for the torture chamber. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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12 Mar 17 - 07:33 PM (#3844537) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu His Imperial Rapness, if all the preceding were not enough, may have to contend with Winter Storm Stella as he heads for Norway... |
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16 Mar 17 - 01:12 PM (#3845247) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu The faithful Gnu has posted elsewhere, that Mister and Missus Rapturous got beyond Winter Storm Stella, and made it to Oslo, Norway, praise be. |
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22 Mar 17 - 03:18 PM (#3846182) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu And are now, together, on the cruise as planned. Imperial Torture-atrix, how goes it with your domicile? Are you recovering from the flooding? |
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29 Mar 17 - 11:28 PM (#3847486) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Thank you, keberoxu, for your kind thoughts! Right now we are waiting to hear from the insurance company which of two companies will be fixing the kitchen and laying what seems like several acres of new floor tiles. After that is done the new carpet can be laid and new furniture can be bought to replace that which had to be thrown out. However, next Wednesday Himself and I will be setting out on an adventure. We are driving 720 kms south to Canberra, the capital of our realm, to attend the National Folk Festival and to visit family (our older son, his wife and our grandkid live in Canberra) before heading even further south for a coastal visit, then back home. We will be away for five weeks. Himself was being slightly foolishly optimistic when he anticipated all the house repairs would be finished in a week or so. I kept telling him, no it won't be......and now he believes me. |
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06 Apr 17 - 01:57 PM (#3849100) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Rap the Rapturous and his Imperial Spouse are returned. Trouble is brewing with the Barber-Chirurgiens. |
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06 Apr 17 - 02:17 PM (#3849108) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu A rogue wave. Then a shipwreck. And NO Northern Lights??? I dare say eyes will ROLL!!! |
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07 Apr 17 - 09:42 AM (#3849263) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We are considering sending one or more of Our triremes to the seas around Norway, simply as a frightening deterrent. Their "drakken" long ships do not Us or Our Realm! We will have Our sailors throw tomahawks at them as a warning that if they do not do a better job of controlling their seas We will step in and do it for them and We will insure that they pay for it! Yes, We are annoyed. We thought better of Norway! Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark The Magnanimous, the Invincible, the Just, the Merciful, Pontifex Maximus, the Forgiving, the kindhearted, the Dependable, the Classy, the Unblemished, the Apt, the Tolerable, the Irreprehensible, the Adroit, the Admirable (this list is incomplete, but choose two for use at any given time). |
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07 Apr 17 - 11:30 AM (#3849292) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel I bet you think this post is about you |
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07 Apr 17 - 03:51 PM (#3849339) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Our Imperial Alchemists have recently devised a truly frightening detergent. Applications for naval warfare are being studied. Please advise. |
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07 Apr 17 - 09:40 PM (#3849382) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Perhaps it will permit Our ships to slip past Our enemies. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark the Sociable, the Credible, the Righteous, Shepherd Of His People, Vicar of Vicars, the Discrete, Successor to Njord, Tamer of Fenrir, Chainer of Jörmungandr, the Forebearing, Rider of Y Ddraig Goch, Dagda, the Good. |
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08 Apr 17 - 03:49 PM (#3849511) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Donuel... good one! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icIVqCUVF_A |
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08 Apr 17 - 07:04 PM (#3849559) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Bon voyage, Imperial Torturer and entourage. |
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08 Apr 17 - 10:13 PM (#3849582) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Yes, We wish you a voyage better than Our last one. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex @ His Mark the Understanding, the Empathetic, the Commiserative, the Kindhearted, the Harmonious, the Accepted, Bane of the Base Born, Who saith, An hugrekki, An dyrð |
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09 Apr 17 - 09:27 PM (#3849749) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel I listened to the whole thing. Rap You have stumped me. There are clues to a translation but they elude me. It stinks to be stumped, I think language remains my weakest link, you fink. Maybe the saying would look good in ink on the pink brink of my brow. The Overture of Torture: Act -III, scene I.7 |
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10 Apr 17 - 08:56 AM (#3849826) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex the Understanding, the Empathetic, the Commiserative, the Kindhearted, the Harmonious, the Accepted, Bane of the Base Born, Who saith, An hugrekki, An dyrð ___________ This is the biggest policy turn around since Trump fired missiles at Syria. What happened on that comedy of errors cruise? |
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10 Apr 17 - 03:12 PM (#3849897) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell What happened on the ill-fated cruise is that Emperpor Rapparee fell under the delusion that He is either the reincarnation of a really bad-ass Viking warrior or the living avatar of a minor Norse deity. One must suppose the novelty of being an omnipotent faux emperor has worn a bit thin, thus requiring His Emperiousness to delve into new realms of specious fantasy. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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10 Apr 17 - 10:44 PM (#3849944) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We have posted the qualities suggested to Us and which We feel are the most significant descriptors of Us. We had promised to do this some time back. But We have not added those which describe Us in violent terms, such a Father of Blood Eagles even if they are sometimes pertinent to Our justice. Donuel, We suggest you try Icelandic. Google Translate can help you. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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11 Apr 17 - 12:06 AM (#3849948) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Amos I have decided to seell Rapaaire. You all know his history. I will sell him for fifty cents $US, which is damn cheap. Four bits and you can have him lock, stock and barrel of horsepucky. You have heard how he has been called Imperial Grace, the Good, the Strong the Brave, Molder of the Sea and Master of the Lands, the Gracious and Benevolent. And in light of all these virtues, you well may ask why I would sell him for so little. And I will tell you why. The reason is, he's a damn liar, you see. Truth is, he don't have NONE of them qualities. Sent your four bits and a large SASE to me c/o the Mudcat and I will see you are treated fairly, for once. |
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11 Apr 17 - 09:11 AM (#3850005) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee "...he don't have...." We are pleased that We did not name you Imperial Grammarian instead of Imperial Nay-Sayer. Also, We are pleased that you are fulfilling your charge as Imperial Nay-Sayer admirably. We shall, for the moment, overlook that you are nay-saying about Us. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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11 Apr 17 - 09:32 AM (#3850009) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince "a large SASE" I checked at Office Depot and they didn't have any that were even close to big enough; they suggested I look online for an odor-and-leak-proof body bag. |
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11 Apr 17 - 03:32 PM (#3850059) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We suggest the lined, military grade, body bags here. We also suggest that you look at their protective apparel, as We know from experience what moving a leaking body bag can entail. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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12 Apr 17 - 01:45 PM (#3850223) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Thinking of Rap the Rapturous as his Imperial Spouse prepares for surgery tomorrow. |
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21 Apr 17 - 03:10 PM (#3851716) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu And sending well-wishes to the convalescent Imperial Spouse. |
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21 Apr 17 - 04:55 PM (#3851733) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Will Iceland be the key to your Imperial Corporate Inversion scheme? |
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21 Apr 17 - 11:07 PM (#3851768) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We are not a scheming rogue, such as those who reside around the "District of Columbia." Indeed, Our Imperial Spouse deliberately left that area (in which She was born and raised) when She was 17. She found it too stifling and much too small of a town for Her taste. For much the same reason We left Our hometown. Patricia is doing well after Her surgery eight days ago. She has little stamina, but that will return. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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22 Apr 17 - 05:22 PM (#3851906) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Imperious Rex's imperial Spouse has had a hectic time of it. Hope she is having a well-deserved rest and continues to progress in her recovery. |
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22 Apr 17 - 07:49 PM (#3851918) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Rapaire may not be a real emperor or possess many of the traits his title proposes Amos, however there are a few things he does experience or have, instead of just thinking of doing or having; If he were to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume. He once ran a marathon, because it was on his way. Mosquitos refuse to bite him purely out of respect. If he were to mispronounce your name, you would feel compelled to change it. If opportunity knocks, and he's not home, opportunity waits. His mother has a tattoo that reads: 'Son' His two cents is worth $37 in change. Once, a rattlesnake bit him. After five days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died. When he has a 50/50 shot, the odds are 80/20 in his favor. He has won the lifetime achievement award, twice. His words carry weight that would break a less interesting man's jaw He taught Trump how to exaggerate. He gave his father "the talk" His passport requires no photograph When he drives a car off the lot, its price increases in value Once a rattlesnake bit him, after 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died His 5 de Mayo party starts on the 8th of March His feet don't get blisters, but his shoes do He once went to the psychic, to warn her If he were to punch you in the face you would have to fight off a strong urge to thank him Whatever side of the tracks he's currently on is the right side, even if he crosses the tracks he'll still be on the right side He can speak Russian… in French He never says something tastes like chicken.. not even chicken Superman has pajamas with his logo His tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries The circus ran away to join him Bear hugs are what he gives bears He once brought a knife to a gunfight… just to even the odds When he meets the Pope, the Pope kisses his ring His friends call him by his name, his enemies don't call him anything because they are all dead He has never waited 15 minutes after finishing a meal before returning to the pool If he were to visit the dark side of the moon, it wouldn't be dark He once won a staring contest with his own reflection He can kill two stones with one bird His signature won a Pulitzer When a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, he hears it He once got pulled over for speeding, and the cop got the ticket The dark is afraid of him Sharks have a week dedicated to him His ten gallon hat holds twenty gallons No less than 25 Mexican folk songs have been written about his beard He once made a weeping willow laugh He lives vicariously through himself His business card simply says 'I'll Call You" He once taught a german shepherd how to bark in spanish He bowls overhand In museums, he is allowed to touch the art He is allowed to talk about the fight club He once won a fist fight, only using his beard He once won the Tour-de-France, but was disqualified for riding a unicycle A bird in his hand is worth three in the bush His lovemaking has been detected by a seismograph The Holy Grail is looking for him Roses stop to smell him He once started a fire using only dental floss and water His sweat is the cure for the common cold Bigfoot tries to get pictures of him Werewolves are jealous of his beard He once turned a vampire into a vegetarian He once won the world series of poker using UNO cards He never wears a watch because time is always on his side He has taught old dogs a variety of new tricks He has won the lifetime achievement award… twice If opportunity knocks, and he's not at home, opportunity waits Batman watches Saturday morning cartoons about him When he was young he once sent his parents to his room He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man's entire body His blood smells like cologne On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him. His hands feel like rich brown suede Mosquitoes refuse to bite him purely out of respect He is fluent in all languages, including three that he only speaks Once while sailing around the world, he discovered a short cut Panhandlers give him money When he goes to Spain, he chases the bulls His shadow has been on the 'best dressed' list twice When he holds a lady's purse, he looks manly Two countries went to war to dispute HIS nationality When in Rome, they do as HE does His pillow is cool on BOTH sides The Nobel Academy was awarded a prize from HIM While swimming off the coast of Australia, he once scratched the underbelly of the Great White with his right han He taught Chuck Norris martial arts Time waits on no one, but him Once he ran a marathon because it was "on the way" His mother has a tattoo that says "Son" The star on his Christmas tree is tracked by NASA Presidents take his birthday off His shirts never wrinkle He has never walked into a spider web or got a paper cut He is left-handed. And right-handed His shirts never wrinkle The police often question him, just because they find him interesting His organ donation card also lists his beard He doesn't believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores Even his tree houses have fully finished basements His garden maze is responsible for more missing persons than the Bermuda triangle If he were to say something costs an arm and a leg, it would He's never lost a game of chance He is the life of parties that he has never attended He was on a recent archaeological dig and came across prehistoric foot prints that lead out of Africa into all parts of the world. On close inspection, it turned out that the prints were his He once caught the Loch Ness Monster….with a cane pole, but threw it back His wallet is woven out of chupacabra leather He played a game of Russian Roulette with a fully loaded magnum, and won Freemasons strive to learn HIS secret handshake If he was to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume He is considered a national treasure in countries he's never visited Cars look both ways for him, before driving down a street He once tried to acquire a cold just to see what it felt like, but it didn't take He has inside jokes with people he's never met on BS Bikers walk their motorcycles past his home He is indeed, the most exaggerated man in the world greater than the Donald. |
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23 Apr 17 - 04:42 PM (#3852053) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince Faint praise, indeed, for a man of such stature... |
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23 Apr 17 - 04:57 PM (#3852055) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu It's Imperious Rex's Minister of De Fence! What's new and different at the front gate? |
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23 Apr 17 - 08:45 PM (#3852069) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We thank you for the praise. We humbly admit that all of it is true. We would like a report on De Fences of Our Empire. Anytime before noon tomorrow (GMT) will be sufficient. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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23 Apr 17 - 09:09 PM (#3852072) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince I've got a trunk full of bottles of Channel #5 perfume at a great price! The Roulex wristwatches sold out. |
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08 May 17 - 05:47 PM (#3853989) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu How goes it with Imperial Spouse The One and Only? Is she recovering well? |
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08 May 17 - 10:08 PM (#3854004) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Our Goodwyfe does well, continues to do well. She lacks stamina, but that is gradually increasing. Her pain was not a great as before, and hence She does have more energy than before. She awaits the completion of Our Imperial Deck Or Porch so that She can partake in what is called "porch therapy." On the 20th of May of this year, two of Our nieces will come to visit: the Lady Elizabeth and the Lady Lauretta. We shall entertain them with that which is found here: Our national parks of Yellowstone and Grand Tetons. We shall also take them to eat at the gas station. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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09 May 17 - 03:15 PM (#3854121) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu The Imperial Spouse had a rough time of it one year ago, I still recall. Sounds like this is a SLIGHTLY better healing process. That is good to hear. |
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09 May 17 - 08:00 PM (#3854159) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel The personal body guard of the Emperor and firing squad officer, Luca Bratzi, hand delivered a letter to the Imperial Jailer James Comey detailing the conditions of his being fired. It is hard to say who the next chief jailer will be. Perhaps Jeff Sessions will take the job and Jared Kushner will take Jeff's old job. The details were as follows - YOU'RE FIRED - |
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09 May 17 - 10:20 PM (#3854174) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We did no such thing, nor would We do such a thing in such a declassé manner. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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10 May 17 - 08:11 PM (#3854327) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG The news about Her Imperial Highness Princess Patricia is heartening to hear! The visit of the young Princesses should also bring joy to the Imperial Household, and the gas station seems like a wondrous place to eat. So long as it doesn't bring on an attack of the aforementioned gas. The Imperial Oubliette has been functioning in my absence, and I have an idea for a new and wondrous form of torture; it has been tried out by my good self first so I can vouch for its efficacy. A good dose of a viral bug encompassing purging at both ends of the body (more details will, mercifully, be spared the Imperial Ear) and the subsequent ennui lasting several days will, I am sure, give even the most hardened something to contemplate. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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10 May 17 - 08:16 PM (#3854333) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Imperial Torturer, if it is possible the nose should also exude secretions. There must be nothing available to...no hankies! Let it be done! Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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16 May 17 - 12:16 PM (#3855427) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Now, that's what I call a dedicated torture-atrix. Trying it out on herself first. Jennie G, I hope you are feeling better, and that the repair and renovation of the kitchen is on schedule. |
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17 May 17 - 08:15 AM (#3855557) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Much better, thank you for your concern, keberoxu! Now that we have returned the repairs will be starting soon, for which your Imperial Torturer and Spouse (and resident Oubliette cat Bianca The Beautiful but Slightly Brainless) will be thankful. Winter is fast approaching and the living quarters are a wee bit chilly with bare concrete floors and no carpet. Happy to be of service, Sire. I always find it's a good idea, if possible, to have any new method of torture tested on some poor unsuspecting sap before letting it loose on a miscreant. I have another to add now, a slightly less-than-good reaction to a vaccination - the resulting swollen sore red arm is quite irritating and guaranteed to annoy, so there may soon be an order to requisition some extra large syringes. Might as well do the job properly. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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17 May 17 - 08:23 PM (#3855643) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Imperial Torturer, We quite sympathize with your plight and wish you a quick and painless recovery -- unlike what We wish for your clients. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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18 May 17 - 05:37 PM (#3855759) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG So far so good, Sire......the arm is still attached, it hasn't fallen off yet! I am thinking about those large syringes, though - perhaps a veterinary supply store would have some of the size used on horses. How would that go as a weapon of torture, do you think? The more I think about it, the more I like the idea. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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23 May 17 - 04:01 PM (#3856806) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Hoping the National Parks were suitably magnificent for His Imperial Rapturous Rex and the ladies in His company. |
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30 May 17 - 04:46 PM (#3857941) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu MOAB is closed for repairs, according to the Mudcat Cafe. That's a first for me. Your Imperious Rapturous Grace, I did see your contribution of an image of habits before MOAB shut down. Reading the small print below the engraving, I wanted to see if any of those religious orders are orders I recognize as still being around today. I counted six out of the sixteen. Including the Carthusians, as in "Great Silence" or "Tiefe Stille." |
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30 May 17 - 10:54 PM (#3857995) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We are pleased that you made the effort to recognize those habits, as We were once taught by nuns (the School Sisters of Notre Dame), brothers (Fratres Scholarum Christiantiorum), and friars (Order of Friars Minor). From these We learned many things: the Trivium, the Quadrivium, Theology, Philosophy, and various of the useful arts such as Medicine and Architecture. Of course, We later followed the Highest Path of Learning, that recounted in such as the Versuch eines vollständigen Lehrbuchs der Bibliothek-Wissenschaft oder Anleitung zur vollkommenen Geschäftsführung eines Bibliothekars of Schrettinger, S. R. Ranganathan's Five Laws, and Our mentor and friend Jesse Hauk Shera's An epistemological foundation. Our royal nieces had a wonderful time, or so We are led to believe. Imperial Torturer, We give you permission to use any needle size you deem fit. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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26 Jun 17 - 10:11 PM (#3863057) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee My People! Patricia, Our imperial consort, has been told by the chirurgeons that she need only take medicine. She need not undergo the trials of chemotherapy or radiation. And the chirurgeons in Our city of Seattle in the Province of Washington will be monitoring her progress, e'en though she will be residing here. Therefore, We declare sixty days of festival, song, music! As one of Our people has said, "Let the wild ruckus begin!" Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark Font of Happiness |
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27 Jun 17 - 04:47 PM (#3863186) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Yay, Sire! That is most wonderful news! Please pass on good wishes to your Imperial Consort from all those of us here down below. As a token of rejoicing, and as a one-off celebration, I shall make sure that each occupant of the oubliette has two extra grains of rice this evening. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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27 Jun 17 - 07:03 PM (#3863197) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell In celebration of the Imperial Consort's being allowed to keep her hair on her head, her food in her tummy, and her spirits in high places, I shall resume ignoring this thread immediately. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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28 Jun 17 - 09:19 AM (#3863287) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Imperial Torturer, We direct you to also allow the tips of the toes of those chained to the walls of Our oubliette to touch the floor. Also, as a mark of Our magnanimity they each may have a small sip of clean water every other day during the period of rejoicing. You may, at your discretion, turn a hose on them and therewith cleanse them of their ordure once during the festivities. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark The Merciful and Just |
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28 Jun 17 - 09:05 PM (#3863367) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Oh Great One, your magnanimity knows no bounds......is there no limit to your generosity? I am speechless, gobsmacked, flabbergasted etc. as will be the wretched inmates of the oubliette. Not only shall the hoses be turned on said inmates as per your expressed desire, the force shall be turned down slightly as we don't want to blast them out the other side of the walls. Very slightly. The Empiratical Banjo Ensemble is tuning up as we speak (although it has to be said you would never know it) to play a song of much joy and rejoicing for Her Royal Empress The Most High and Mighty Princess Patricia. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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26 Sep 17 - 02:03 PM (#3878857) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Why Spaw, of happy memory, is the Patron Saint and Spiritual Leader of the Rapturous Rap's empire. And why I approve. Because Spaw, from the great beyond, by means of his posts to Mudcat threads (closed, perhaps, but not deleted), has appeased my confusion about Dino the Purple Dinosaur. The post in question, I just tripped over it whilst lurking over a closed thread in order to further my Mudcat education. Being a little younger than Spaw, I was in fact VERY young when the jingle for "DINO! the pur-ple di-no-saur!" became a childhood earworm. I was confused because: Sinclair fuel stations promoted Dino the Dinosaur. Sinclair fuel stations had a big ol' GREEN dinosaur on their signage. And I KNOW that Dino was purple because the song said so, and at that age, I never disagreed with songs -- okay, I asked QUESTIONS, but that's different than disagreement. So Sinclair fuel stations went the way of, erm, you know. The green dinosaur disappeared from the townscape. And I was still shaking my head to get that Pur-ple Di-no-saur! earworm out. And wondering where I had heard it. I don't even know if what Spaw posted was correct, but since it made me feel one heck of a lot better, it stands. |
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26 Sep 17 - 02:44 PM (#3878865) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Of course Catspaw is contemporary and his views when applied to the current issues stands up well, or kneels as the case may be. Let us not spin legends from fantasized feelings. Actual quotes are different but I am no one to judge. Along not even remotely associated lines, I hold the Mormon practice of posthumous baptisms in great disdain. Taking the entire life of anyone who can no longer speak for themselves and declaring a consecration over their corpse without permission is heinous. Mormons do not dunk a cadaver in water, they just remotely mumble mumbo jumbo add some tragic magic and *poof* they are baptized Mormon. This is why I object to the Emperor's decree to give Rat Bastard Baptisms to the victims of his defamation cremations and tortured bits and pieces of his enemies. |
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28 Sep 17 - 03:13 PM (#3879173) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu ContrAHversry herein? Say it not. May the Spaw be with you. |
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28 Sep 17 - 04:39 PM (#3879180) Subject: RE: BS: Rope for hemperor From: Severn Is there a sequel, like Spawn of Spaw? Many years ago, in or near the town of Sharpsburg MD, there was a neon sign for a Sinclair station with the "C" burnt out. I always wondered what happened there after hours. Was it still "Pay As You Pump? I never noticed if there was a Shell station in town with the "S" burnt out. That would've confirmed any suspicions we had...... I'm glad the Empress doesn't have yo go through chemo or radiation. That's nothing that Empressionable children should have to hear about..... |
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29 Sep 17 - 08:06 PM (#3879387) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Ah, Severn, Emissary and Plentypotentiary, welcome back. How you have been missed. The Imperious Rex Rapparee went to Iceland again. |
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29 Sep 17 - 09:48 PM (#3879399) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel prequel: Spaw's Pa |
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30 Sep 17 - 08:48 AM (#3879443) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell Dino, the green Sinclair dinosaur, lived in a time when it was still acceptable to refer to a large dinosaur as a Brontosaur. Nowadays, he would be an Apatosaur. Personally, I'm glad he went extinct before being subjected to the indignity of a name change. He would never have made the adjustment. His brain was too small. When someone called him an Apatosaur he would have thought they were talking about someone else. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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30 Sep 17 - 09:18 AM (#3879445) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel You are correct sir. They also ate more than vegetation such as mollusks. |
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30 Sep 17 - 09:43 AM (#3879453) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Lord Rap there is concern in the Kingdom that too many beheadings are occurring under false pretenses. While taking a knee is a traditional act of grace your latest decree that SOB's be beheaded for taking a knee in protest is problematic. Most of these subjects were just tying their shoe. Imperial scout donuel |
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01 Oct 17 - 02:23 PM (#3879645) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu But will Imperious Rex meet up with Skarpi during his Iceland visit? |
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02 Oct 17 - 02:12 PM (#3879835) Subject: RE: BS: Rip for emptiers From: Severn Taking his niece. Now THAT might be criminality..... There are plenty of us that love our country (if not the way it's being run) that on the elementary school playground would sing the likes of: "Oh beautiful for space ship guys, God shed His skin on thee....." ....and did NOT commit a treasonable act, growing up to be truly fine citizens. Donald Trump doesn't live where Skarpi does, but you can still file him under "I Slander"....... Those who missed me, know that, among other things, I've ve been busy being a host/co-host / programmer for two radio shows on WOWD-LP Community Radio 94.3 FM in Takoma Park MD and can be heard on "The Blues Comes Calling" (Blues & Blues-related music recorded in the 1920s and 1930s) and now on "Ballads In The Morning"(traditionally ballads and story songs) I'll give out further information privately to those who want it, but while I don't think that Rap's Empire has developed anything on its own as unique as the Blues, does the Empire have any Indiginous Ballads unique to the Empire, itself? We play ballads from all over the world, so I'm always seeking music from exotic places, and collecting native ditties should be Child's Play for the likes of you, even if you're a big lummox like Alan or John or try to pass on some of your own creations citing phony sources like John-Jacob de Nials |
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02 Oct 17 - 07:40 PM (#3879901) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Thanks for telling us what you're up to, Severn. |
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02 Oct 17 - 11:11 PM (#3879932) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel I missed you and I didn't know the good things going on with 94.3 is partly because of you. Its coming in better lately. Damn eclectic station! Yup I'm down the street. Now I have to P M? |
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03 Oct 17 - 09:23 AM (#3880020) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee My people! We have approved no beheadings recently. Whoever is promulgating that nonsense is to be beheaded. We suggest, nay, require, that those of you who can read read this article and then read it to those who cannot read. We are also, effective immediately, restoring Pluto as a Grown-up Planet with all of the rights and privileges thereunto pertaining. Both Iceland and Norway are now fully in Our Domains, as is the entire Mississippi River, the Ohio River, the Tennessee River, and the Cumberland River. Slowly, without violence, We are conquering it all. When that is accomplished your taxes shall be reduced proportionately. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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03 Oct 17 - 12:39 PM (#3880065) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Severn When will you beheading for home? I'm not in favor of total beheading or even just turning people into a Pez Dispenser. If somebody covets my large collection of hats, we can bargain..... |
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03 Oct 17 - 02:53 PM (#3880074) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell The Sinclair Oil Company performed a huge public disservice by adopting a dinosaur as its emblem. It gave unschooled oafs the impression that dinosaur remains are a major constituent of petroleum. They are not. If it were possible to source the individual atoms in a tank of gasoline, those derived from plants would outnumber those from animals by a huge margin. But a giant tree fern would not have made as impressive a logo as a Brontosaurus, would it? And most of the dinosaur-derived atoms would have come from the poop of dinosaur carnivores and scavengers, not from the direct decay of actual animals. But a dinosaur turd wouldn't have made much of a logo either, would it? Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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03 Oct 17 - 06:56 PM (#3880113) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Imperial Ignoramus, have you never heard of coprolites? It can be made into very attractive jewelry. Emperor Rapparee, Imperius Rex ® His Mark |
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04 Oct 17 - 12:33 PM (#3880238) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu No shit? Since hunting season has begun in my neck of the woods, I have been engaged in perusing Facebook groups pertaining and also rooting out posters of firearms for sale and reviewing membership requests as an admin on a few of them. As Imperial Game Warden, it is my duty to protect Sire's Kingdom Forest and all within it, so I don't keep up as much as I should. Right then. I am off to review 59 requests since early morn. (I think everyone in NB.ca hunts except for me!) Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark*) |
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04 Oct 17 - 06:53 PM (#3880335) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emplifier From: Severn Yes, your Rappinghood, in the end, like so many grapes shall they all be concord. Also, like unto grapes, you must step on them until they give a little whine.... |
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04 Oct 17 - 06:54 PM (#3880336) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emplifier From: Severn Yes, your Rappinghood, in the end, like so many grapes shall they all be concord. Also, like unto grapes, you must step on them until they give a little whine.... |
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04 Oct 17 - 07:00 PM (#3880338) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Severn Whoops! It double printed. Must be the kindle. Report me to the Department of Over Redundancy Department. |
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04 Oct 17 - 07:44 PM (#3880345) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince Or is that the Department of Overt Dunciness... |
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06 Oct 17 - 09:56 AM (#3880639) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee My people, Our electronic scribe made an error earlier and has been duly chastised for it. It mentioned that with the acquisition of new territories in Our Benevolent and Benign Empire your taxes would be reduced. That should have been "your free and voluntary set contributions to Our welfare and the welfare of all." Said scribe was subjected to twenty overvoltages and the loss of power for five minutes; We do not think that it will happen again. Imperial Torturer, We administered this punishment Ourself, as We did not want to distract you from the inestimably good rehabilitation you are doing with those in the Imperial Oubliette. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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06 Oct 17 - 05:57 PM (#3880717) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Jolly good, Sire. You're sure it wasn't just because you wanted t hear the unfiltered screams of agony for yourself? All is well here in the Oubliette. A jolly good time is being had by all, the inmates are grateful for every crumb, and the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble has had a few new recruits lately because the odd miscreant or two has had the last of their teeth fall out. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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06 Oct 17 - 10:37 PM (#3880747) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Ah, good Imperial Torturer, We shall hear screams of agony on the 14th when We venture to the quaint little village of St. Louis, Missouri to see Our youngest niece wed. Not from her or from her betrothed, but from her father, Our brother Anthony, who has been made to wear formal wear, black tie formal wear in fact, for the ceremony. This is in place of his usual blue denim bib overalls, which he considers the "most comfortable clothing made." Our niece also squashed his idea of the suit in International Orange, lime green, and yellow. Our brother's wife also had some little say in the matter. In the mean time, We commend your good work. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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07 Oct 17 - 12:08 AM (#3880755) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell I think a wedding in which everyone wears high-viz safety colors would be a great idea. After all, marriage is a hazardous workplace. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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07 Oct 17 - 09:35 PM (#3880896) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee I told him that those colors would make him a better target, so he then suggested camouflage. That, too, was nixed. |
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08 Oct 17 - 01:16 AM (#3880908) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Perhaps those colours would suit the bridesmaids? |
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08 Oct 17 - 11:52 AM (#3880941) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell Yes, high-visibility neon colors are perfect for bridesmaids. After all, the prime directive of bridesmaid dress design is "Make the bride's friends look as ridiculous as possible so she'll look great by contrast." Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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08 Oct 17 - 12:00 PM (#3880943) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee When their brother married the bridesmaids had to wear cowboy boots. |
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08 Oct 17 - 04:36 PM (#3880990) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu And what did the groom's father wear on that occasion? I'm thinking, not black tie formal wear... |
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09 Oct 17 - 10:34 AM (#3881108) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We were very tired from the onerous duties of State when We last posted. Our (unofficial) statement should have read, "When their brother married, the bridesmaids had to wear cowboy boots." We assure you that their brother did not marry the bridesmaids, who were his sisters. Our family has had its quirks (as all Imperial Families have had) but incestuous plural marriage is not among them. Also, the bride selected the footwear for that wedding, and the bridesmaids are still trying to figure out what to do with the boots. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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09 Oct 17 - 04:13 PM (#3881181) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Boot scooting - known here as "line dancing" - comes to mind. I don't know about the rest of you, but line dancers always make me think of chickens pecking round a farmyard. Can't you just see the bridal waltz becoming the 'bridal scoot'? Yee har...... JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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09 Oct 17 - 08:11 PM (#3881219) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell If "the bridesmaids are still trying to figure out what to do with the boots," they obviously don't live in Alabama. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
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22 Nov 17 - 10:21 PM (#3889872) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu O! Rapturous Ravenous Rex, sir! Give heed to Imperial Torturer, JennieG, sir, for there has been another inundation of her edifice, by her latest post. Sounds as though the prisoners had to learn how to float, if not swim . . . |
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23 Nov 17 - 08:14 PM (#3890033) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Wishing for The Most High and Mighty Princess Patricia, Royal Empress, and for Imperious Rex Himself, a happier and healthier holiday season than the one that they survived at this time one year ago. |
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24 Nov 17 - 03:11 AM (#3890054) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rusty Dobro I can't read through all this again. Remind me - whose faeces ended up on the coinage? |
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24 Nov 17 - 09:36 AM (#3890116) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Amos Bah, and also Humbug. If there is anyone hereabouts suffering from an inundation of orifices it is this straw-man who would be imperial, but is merely imperious in the most nettlesome and jejune manner. The creature you have raised up is childish , a green and unripe prepubescent mind, a puerile monger of kidstuff and child's play, an unsophisticated, unseasoned, wet-behind-the-ears diaper-wearing undergrown, unformed, unfinished, imperfect runt of a collywobble, a bewildered and addle-pated spirit lost in the worlds of real human beings. He has no more claimed to empire than Howdy-Doody, whom he closely resembles. |
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24 Nov 17 - 10:41 AM (#3890134) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell While it is true that Howdy-Doody was never elevated to the status of emperor, it was more a matter of luck than aptitude. Howdy had at least as much leadership ability as Mickey Mouse, and that irritating rodent now controls film studios, television networks, a fleet of cruise ships, and most of Central Florida. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark |
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25 Nov 17 - 10:16 PM (#3890438) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Ah, yes. Amos, the Imperial Naysayer, has placed his two groatsworth upon this, Our Imperial record. This fledgling, this unlicked cub, this dribbler in his second childhood when his first has not yet begun, this mewling and qualling coxcomp, this dankish pumpion, this unnamed archboard, this baggywrinkle, would instruct Us! Aroint thee, I. N.! You can lob insults like cannonballs, but your aim is faulty. We can but commiserate with the Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble in her inundation, as We too have experienced such (unlike the inexperienced Imperial Naysayer). We extend Our hope that no greater damage has been done that what is immediately apparent. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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25 Nov 17 - 11:52 PM (#3890442) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Thank you for those kind commiserations, Oh Great Imperial Sire! It is indeed a bugger, to be sure.....two floods just nine months apart, and both happened while The Imperial Torturer and Spouse were disporting themselves at musical events. Do you think there is a message in this? Looking on the bright side, all miscreants suffered pruney feet in this last flood and are now paying the price in itchies. Ankle chains have rusted shut and are unable to be opened without assistance from the Imperial Blacksmith, do we even have one of those? Looks like a good job opportunity for a bright lad or laddess, yes? JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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26 Nov 17 - 09:18 AM (#3890492) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Amos I am flattered--or would be if I gave Rapparree any credence ata ll--at being included in the Imperial zoo, and with such distinguished companions. But I must decline. I cannot in good conscience accept the title of Imperial Naysayer, anymore than I could accept the post of Messiah of the Jews, since I sincerely, devoutly and loudly disbelieve in Emperors and godheads of various sorts. I urge all those infesting this flea-bitten court to rise up, cast off the shining chains of pusillanimous supplicantism and stand for yourselves, each one proud in his own fiery ability to see and speak truth. I assure you, it will soon be clear that this pot metal Emperor, this ersatz, pompous scalawag of a ne-er-do-well tyrant, has no clothes at all. |
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26 Nov 17 - 02:17 PM (#3890538) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince If he really has no clothes, he might want to check out Bare Mountain Resort in the Boise area. |
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26 Nov 17 - 04:28 PM (#3890550) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Frogprince, nice of you to come over and say hello. Are you still the Minister of De Fence, or is that somebody newer? |
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26 Nov 17 - 06:17 PM (#3890569) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel The Imperial Hand - rocks the cradle https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=de_gJqkbPt4 |
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27 Nov 17 - 02:48 PM (#3890746) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Amos, that was EDIFICE, not orifice. JennieG, that IS a good question: does this, Rapparee's realm, have its own Blacksmith / ankle-shackle-breaker? So sorry, truly, to hear about your home being flooded. Hope you can keep your spirits up while the problems are being dealt with. At least, this is a season of warmth where you are located. (a flooded home up HERE at this time? with subfreezing temps at night? Horrors ... ) |
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27 Nov 17 - 03:09 PM (#3890751) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel keb, the spirit of this thread I believe is playing with medieval concepts in a modern manner but Hurray for your empathy. Its OK to post to the wrong thread, it hardly ever matters The real intent may be Imperial Rapparree/Rapier ego worship. not that there is anything wrong with that...Heck it what Donald lives for. |
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27 Nov 17 - 08:46 PM (#3890811) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Thank you for those kind words, keberoxu......yes, fortunately it's quite warm. How about it, Great Sire? Can we advertise for a blacksmith? Brawn and muscles required, brains preferred, skill and knowledge of the craft are essential. I'm sure we can find a space for a forge with attached living quarters. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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30 Nov 17 - 01:39 PM (#3891487) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu What? No Aussie blacksmiths?! |
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02 Dec 17 - 06:29 PM (#3891914) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Maybe Mudcatter Gnu, Rap's Imperial Game Warden, knows a blacksmith. Or knows somebody who knows a blacksmith. Then again we could ask Mudcatter olddude the vice-imperial something. |
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02 Dec 17 - 08:11 PM (#3891931) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Vice Imperial Something olddude is bound to know a blacksmith. Didn't George Frederic Handel write about a harmonious blacksmith? Ours could chime in time. Any takers? The job is vacant.....much like the brain of your Imperial Torturer right now because a couple of builder blokes are drilling something loud and shrill not far from her delicate ears while they prepare new bathroom cupboards to replace the flood-sodden ones. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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05 Dec 17 - 02:47 PM (#3892279) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Hope that Imperious Rex received the proper imperial treatment from his barber-chirurgiens yesterday. |
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05 Dec 17 - 06:04 PM (#3892309) Subject: RE: BS: Wrap for Wimperor From: Severn The Rodent Regent seems more powerful than Howdy, but I tend to respond when Doody calls I expect them both as capable (Mighty Mouse was more capable, but then he had a cape. He loses points for constantly singing Opera, though) of fronting a puppet regime, but I was never buffaloed by whoever was pulling the strings. Besides, Howdy's show featured Captain Kangaroo back before he was even a First Looie before he went to OCS as the original Clarabelle, working without Annette to fall back on (Princess Summerfall Winterspring was royalty and off limits, lent out to a King for an Elves Movie, but untouchable by mere mortals).. Unlike in Disney's world, he didn't even get a girlfriend with which to settle down and raise nephews and nieces with and beffore every show, they made sure he didn't have any "alky" in his seltzer bottle. The seltzer bottle, alas was no match for the former Mortimer Mouse's club, so no wonder Bob Keeshan ran off and enlisted. But in the end, I'd rather be slipped a Howdy than a Mickey.... |
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05 Dec 17 - 07:56 PM (#3892329) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Ah, Severn, the Mudcat isn't the same without you. Do YOU know somebody who could help Imperial Torturer JennieG with the rusted chains and shackles? |
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05 Dec 17 - 09:22 PM (#3892339) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel WHAHOO Severn that was like a difficult mandolin solo. I've never captured the tone and spirit of this thread like you guys. Your station works great on the Pike but fades at Aspen. Iceland again? Fishin off the coast of Iceland I caught an old fish and pulled it tight against the side of the boat with a hook digging into him. He was old with flapping scales like tar paper flapping in the water. Even barnacles had glued themselves to his belly. fast closing bright red bloody gills and fluttered while I looked into his eye larger than mine as though silver foil was behind the lens. His mouth had three lines still stuck to old hooks like white whiskers that told old stories of how he broke free three times. His eye didn't look into mine but stared at the sea. I cut line. Rap yelled "what happened". I couldn't explain why I let him go. |
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07 Dec 17 - 09:46 PM (#3892726) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Amos Rusted chains and shackles yield to WD40, and some chemicals which convert the rust into hematiite. But there's a certain charm to being tortured with rusty equipment, of course--it adds to the ambience,doncha know. So I suggest the Torturer make haste slowly. |
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08 Dec 17 - 12:28 AM (#3892732) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Severn Thank you, Donuel, though I someho managed to misspell "Elvis". I'm sorry you can't get the WOWD94.3 FM signal once you get into Aspen Hill (where I used to live but my ex still does.....sigh!.....), but if you and the rest of the Empire go to takomaradio.org then we are streamable worldwide and I'll be taking my turn this morning Friday December 8th from 8-10 am at hosting "Ballads In The Morning", doing some holiday and winter music this time out. I do that show once a month, but I'll be co-hosting "The Blues Comes Calling" on this coming Tuesday and every alternate Tuesday. from 6-8 pm. I have no idea what the official radio voice of the Empire is, but this is my non-paying hobby at the moment. By the way, did you folks see the photo of how some medic did a wrap for our Emperor? He's apparently been driving the carpools through the tunnel again against doctor's orders. He's got an ace wrapped part way up his left sleeve, even though he already wins all poker games he's involved in by decree. |
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08 Dec 17 - 02:54 PM (#3892848) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu The splint came off, according to Imperious Rex. |
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08 Dec 17 - 07:15 PM (#3892893) Subject: RE: BS: Rust for whimperers From: Severn Then we will give him our unwrapped attention....... I hope the tortured ones have had their Tetanus Shots. The corrosion does add a certain rustic touch, I'd think....... Rust never sleeps, so luckily, at least it doesn't snore. Cold comfort, I know........ |
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08 Dec 17 - 10:12 PM (#3892907) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We are recovering. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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08 Dec 17 - 10:37 PM (#3892910) Subject: RE: BS: Rope for im-peacher From: Severn While you are at it, I've got a sofa that needs re-covering....... I hope they taught you to heal in obedience school..... "I could use one of those Carpal tunnels for my goldfish to swim through", thought Severn with a koi smile...... |
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09 Dec 17 - 10:56 PM (#3893100) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Well, it's a good sign that the Imperial Splint was no longer needed. But the description of those incisions left me speechless. Utterly at a loss for words. except ooooooooh. And then, at some stage, is there going to be physical rehab? More ouch. JennieG, it was good to hear that you were back under your own roof. No longer in a hotel? |
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10 Dec 17 - 01:05 AM (#3893107) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Ah - no, sadly. We were due to move back home on Wednesday 13th Dec but more damage has been found in the kitchen, thanks to two incompetent blokes sent at different times by the insurance company (one an assessor, the second a builder) who, when asked by Himself and I, "would it be an idea to check behind the dishwasher? there seems to be a drip in the cupboard next to it" answered "oh no, that won't be needed." Turned out there was dater damage and mould between back of cupboards and walls, so now the bottom kitchen cupboard cupboards may have to be be replaced and also some of the wall.. I have saved Special Places for them in the dungeon, believe me. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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12 Dec 17 - 12:00 PM (#3893549) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Well, JennieG, this is a holiday season for the record books for you. May you live long enough in sound enough health to look back on this year and make an entertaining story out of it, with friends to laugh along with you. |
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13 Dec 17 - 03:46 PM (#3893801) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu How heartening it is, that his Imperious Rapness is reporting by tablet to this year's Christmas Tavern, with a giant wombat in residence. Painful incisions, or no painful incisions. (That thing on the elbow, jeez!) |
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14 Dec 17 - 03:00 PM (#3894005) Subject: RE: BS: Xmas Rapine for the emperor From: Severn No mention of His trusty steed yet, but he's there in full costume w/ sword, except for his plumed hat which was knocked off by a drunken bat whose radar got jammed from liquor intake and grabbed by some rascal of a juvenile squid who ran off with it somewhere. I'd say our tavern's resident Avenger is doing pretty well, for the shape he's in.... |
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17 Dec 17 - 02:28 PM (#3894386) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Greetings, JennieG, how goes the restoration of your home and hearth? Imperious Rex is busy at the Mudcat Tavern of late. |
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17 Dec 17 - 08:39 PM (#3894445) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We have been in some pain, off and on, since We submitted Ourself to the care of a barber-surgeon. Our left wrist is scarred, it looks for all the world as if We had tried to slash Our wrist and did it wrong (as if We could or would do that). There is also a scar on the outside of Our left arm which is about six inches, or 15.24 centimeters, long. A repair of something called "carpal tunnel syndrome" was done and Our ulnar nerve had to be repositioned in Our arm. But We are doing well, and should events transpire that We cannont extend the greetings of the season at the proper time, we offer you this song. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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18 Dec 17 - 03:38 PM (#3894569) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu The Best of the Season to you, Imperious Rex, and to your happily recovering Imperial Spouse. ... and your siblings, and nieces, etc etc |
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19 Dec 17 - 04:35 PM (#3894770) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG A true classic, oh Great Sire! Best wishes for the festive season to your Mighty Self and others in your household, especially Princess Patricia. Your Imperial Torturer and Himself moved back to their living quarters yesterday, slightly spartan quarters to be sure, but still home. Very little furniture (any which escaped the flood is in storage awaiting new carpet to be laid but we have a bed, two easy chairs, and a small dining table and chairs), bare concrete floors, and a kitchen which will be majorly repaired after the coming Yule season. However it is still home, and we are grateful to be here, and Bianca The White Cat (who comes in handy to annoy any miscreants suffering from allergies) is very happy to be with us once again. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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23 Dec 17 - 01:59 PM (#3895532) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Now word is out that in January 2018 the barber-chirurgiens will treat an Imperial Vein or two. Shudder. |
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24 Dec 17 - 01:10 AM (#3895578) Subject: RE: BS: Rapture for emperistas From: Severn Still sacred,, now scarred, yet not scared. The best of the season to you! "Rap, one emperor, disoriented is...." |
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25 Dec 17 - 09:17 PM (#3895823) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee My people! On this Christmas Day, We proclaim a holiday. We do, in fact, proclaim every day from now until the middle of January a holiday! Do not, however, attempt to miss work or otherwise alleviate from your existence that which is needful to keep Our Empire enjoying its full economic potential. We also promise here that there will be no increase in contributions to Our treasury during that time! We do not, by this proclamation, exclude any religion or non-religion whatsoever, save only those that injury on of Our subjects. All can participate in these holidays! Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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25 Dec 17 - 09:47 PM (#3895827) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Amos Sigh. Voting for an Emperor on Mudcat is like buying a bicycle for a polliwog. A |
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25 Dec 17 - 10:45 PM (#3895832) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Gee - thanks, Sire! Problem is we have missed it here as it's already mid-afternoon on Boxing Day. Can we take a rain check? JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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26 Dec 17 - 08:53 PM (#3895950) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Imperial Naysayer, polliwogs grow up. You may take this as a gentle correction, done in Our benevolence and Our holiday spirit. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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28 Dec 17 - 03:50 PM (#3896170) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Does the Christmas Cat from the Secret Santa have a name? Or only a cage? |
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30 Dec 17 - 12:27 PM (#3896490) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Wishing a safe and healthy New Year's observation to Imperious Rex and his newly repositioned ulnar nerve. |
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31 Dec 17 - 08:02 PM (#3896693) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Our People! We wish you all, even the Imperial Naysayer, a Happy and Prosperous New Year. Please do not forget that the first corvée, chevage, serjeanty, socage, and scot and lot are are due by Munchinmas. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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01 Jan 18 - 06:25 AM (#3896731) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Thank you, Sire! Best wishes to you, Her Royal Highness Princess Patricia and the rest of the Imperial Family for a happy and healthy year ahead. Some of the miscreants are already labouring to produce said stuff. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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01 Jan 18 - 10:22 AM (#3896757) Subject: RE: BS: wrap up for a year' worth of emperor From: Severn A loud snap is heard..... The official documentary filmmaker who was covering 2017 closes out the last act and calls out, "That's a wrap!"..... It certainly. IS, if I ever saw one, and he's still there to guide us through yet another year. ALL HAIL! Why hail, yes! Once again he sees through us as he sees us through. He sees the day and he seizes the day, and what he sees is.... |
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14 Mar 18 - 09:16 AM (#3911015) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Knock knock knock, your Sire-ness? Reporting on a Mudcat thread about light bulbs. A Mudcat moderator has assured the readers of the veracity of your encounter with LED bulbs that were a menace to life and limb. Some of the others posting to the thread question and doubt the moderator's report. At your convenience, o great Rapness, maybe you could post to the light bulb thread and straighten them out. |
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14 Mar 18 - 04:24 PM (#3911073) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Shine a light on the matter, as it were. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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14 Mar 18 - 11:13 PM (#3911108) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We have done so. LEDs (an abbreviation for one of Our titles, to whit, "Light Emitting Deity") are the wave of the future. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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16 Mar 18 - 01:01 AM (#3911326) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee My People! We are in the Kingdom of Hawai'i, paying an Imperial visit to their King, Kamehameha IX and his queen, Lahaina Nui. They translated Our given first name, which is of Hebrew derivation, into Hawai'ian. It translates to "'Owaikaho'akua" and means "He who is like God." Great comment was made about this and how appropriate it was. In other matters, Our trading ships will no longer pay a tariff for cargoes, and will (of course) be subject to inspection for invasive species and proscribed items. They are also considering an Imperial Partnership with Us, but that is still being discussed. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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17 Mar 18 - 01:10 AM (#3911504) Subject: RE: BS: Rapp for app.-eror From: Severn What's this about light bulbs? How many emperors does it take to screw one in? Is it the one that comes on over your head when you get an idea, and if so, have we been mis-LED while it's been out? If you can't handle Light Duty, must the Royal Physician confine you to your bed?....... |
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18 Mar 18 - 11:47 AM (#3911674) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Ah, Severn, it isn't the same without you. |
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30 Apr 18 - 02:07 PM (#3921178) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu There are stresses upon the peaceable empire. The naysayer has said nothing for weeks, while being treated for serious illness. And Imperious Rex ended up in the hospital being supplied with nitroglycerine. |
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30 Apr 18 - 06:02 PM (#3921226) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG This is not good! Sending all healing thoughts to our Most Imperious Overlord. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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30 Apr 18 - 10:38 PM (#3921259) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We thank you for your concern. We have an appointment at the Imperial Cardiology Clinic on the third day of May, Anno Domini 2018, for a stress test. We find this to be unnecessary as We are under enough stress, but the Imperial Chirurgeons feel it needful so that their positions shall not become suddenly vacant. Otherwise, We feel well. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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03 May 18 - 01:56 PM (#3921897) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Today the Imperial Chirurgians give the Emperor his stress test, and I hope that it will not be necessary for heads to roll. |
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03 May 18 - 10:39 PM (#3922002) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We are in glowing health. That is primarily because We were injected with 99mTc, that is, the metastable nuclear isomer of technetium-99. Thus, when We enter a darkened room such as a dungeon We not only bring light with Us, but We are the light. But We shall not know the results of these chirurgeons' test for a dayor more. As they have not contacted Us yet, We can only assume that nothing immediate was discovered. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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07 May 18 - 02:11 PM (#3922755) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Latest reports from the Imperial Naysayer indicate that a robotic surgeon with six arms will be used to perform surgery on said naysayer. On Tues May 8. This conjures up images of the god Shiva dancing on one pair of legs whilst waving three pairs of arms in the air. Unless the surgeon is a robotic insect? |
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08 May 18 - 04:23 PM (#3923002) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Today the Imperial Naysayer goes under the multiple arms. And I can't think of anything else to say. |
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09 May 18 - 09:23 AM (#3923119) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Our Imperial Naysayer is in good hands. Indeed, many good hands. We have had Our report and We have some infarct in Our Imperial heart. We find that part of Our heart is in rebellion against Us and so We shall have to deal rather harshly with it. We had long hoped to avoid this, but We suppose the Time Has Come. We ask Our subjects not to weep and bewail Our small problem. Instead, rejoice with Us that We can punish the rebellious heart part in the manner it so richly deserves! And let the fate of this part be a warning to all the rest! Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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09 May 18 - 01:02 PM (#3923163) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Keep yer Imperial stick on the ice, Big Emp. As keeper of yer game, I am monitoring moose stranded by the floods in yer NB.ca. They've been staying on bridges on the T-Can. DERD (formerly DNR) tried to herd a young bull and cow over one bridge to where they could get browse but they are too weak. DERD doesn't figure they can bring browse to the moose 'cause "... it wouldn't go well." Sire, permission to slap these ^$&*#$@!!!ing pussies up side the head? g... you know. |
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09 May 18 - 01:08 PM (#3923166) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu It's grand to hear from the Imperial Warden, but bad news about moose weak with starvation. I believe the undetected heart attack happened, years ago, to John Mullencamp as well -- meaning, it was detected after the fact. Wake-up call. He's still with us, thankfully. The Imperial Naysayer, however, has had to put his personal plumbing under a power greater than his own to resolve whatever the heck is conspiring against his health and well-being. Hope we hear from him sooner rather than later. That leaves the Minister of De Fence, although I don't know what he can do about the starving moose. |
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09 May 18 - 05:56 PM (#3923246) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Oh Great Sire, would you like me to keep a small corner of the oubliette for the rebellious heart? It's no problem, you know. Meanwhile, the inmates are keeping vigil for the Imperial Naysayer. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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09 May 18 - 11:11 PM (#3923297) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince Can't do much about the unfortunate moose; they need fed more than they need fenced. But I still have some of those Canadian Rouleques watches at a bargain price. |
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11 May 18 - 09:51 PM (#3923785) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Our Most Gracious Rapturous Rex is due for a military veteran reunion this month, and it seems that he will be there as scheduled, regardless of the sneaky infarction. Wishing him Bon Voyage. There is a dispatch from the Imperial Naysayer elsewhere, as he has returned from his rendez-vous with The Thing With Six Arms, whoever or whatever it was. And I won't attempt a description of his present condition. He said his faithful dog recognizes him, though. |
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13 May 18 - 11:24 AM (#3924113) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu The Imperial Naysayer sent dispatches to confirm that he is doing naything, I mean nothing, while recuperating at home. His two companions are Pain and Pharma at the moment. Hawa'ii is extremely restless since the Emperor's visit. Meanwhile the Emperor is traveling, but not to Hawa'ii. |
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14 May 18 - 02:07 PM (#3924425) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu And olddude is rejoicing in the singing of Cyndi Lauper, which is a healthy and righteous thing to do. |
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14 May 18 - 10:10 PM (#3924524) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We shall fly on the morrow. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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15 May 18 - 09:09 AM (#3924640) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell I have never flown on the Morrow. I have flown on the Boeing, the Bombardier, the Embraer, the Airbus, and the Cessna, but not the Morrow. Hopefully, it is not some sort of weird experimental aircraft. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark |
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15 May 18 - 02:00 PM (#3924717) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Amos From the Imperial Naysayer: Yes, I tangled with the Six-Armed Robotic Beast in the dark caverns of the unmappable UNC Health Care System. I escaped, not unscathed, but with lots of instructions and pretty pieces of plastic from which to carry on my daily business of living. I am recovering nicely, thank you, and the prognosis is more or less good. There were found a couple of teeny-weeny specks of carcinoma but mostly nothing of consequence. Unfortunately, all this hammering and pounding on the lhysical and the mortal has left me half addled and entirely fixated on the mortal shell, with little imagination left to talk about more cosmic or even Imperial issues. Since I don't like talking about myself so much, I generally opt for dignifies silence, for better worse. Persevere and propser, my friends! A, Non-Voluntary Imperial Naysayer |
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16 May 18 - 11:12 AM (#3924940) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu you say propser, and I say prosper .., |
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17 May 18 - 04:03 PM (#3925302) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee For the nonce We will allow the Imperial Naysayer his wont. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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19 May 18 - 07:25 PM (#3925794) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu The twenty-one gun salute from the USS Constitution, tugboats and all. |
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20 May 18 - 06:24 PM (#3925984) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu But His Imperial reunion with his brother has been troubled by his brother's malady. I'm thinking his brother is in no condition to appreciate a twenty-one-gun salute, even from the USS Constitution. Hope both of them feel reassured and recovered soon. |
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23 May 18 - 01:56 PM (#3926652) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Amos is insulting Rapparee elsewhere in this forum, so SOMEBODY must be feeling a little better. |
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24 May 18 - 08:51 PM (#3926948) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We have returned and We must tell you that Our wretched brother is as well as ever he was. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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25 May 18 - 11:43 AM (#3927065) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Amos ANyone who leaps up and claims Imperial status for himself, and hangs there basking in the adulation of an unthinking crowd of witless layabouts and half-baked rounders, deserves all the criticism the market can muster. Our current Resident is a prime example. |
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25 May 18 - 02:48 PM (#3927093) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Gnu? Any new news about moose? |
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25 May 18 - 09:31 PM (#3927154) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We take time from Our busy schedule to remind you: Since none of the political party candidates can get it right, I say we appoint an emperor.. I hereby appoint Rap.... (Olddude, 2016 February 11). and The emperor is an insufferable narcissist, and what's worse a philosophical solipsist with delusional patterns of bipolarity. He would be a big improvement over any of the Repugnicans on the ballots. (Amos, same date). Should any more discussion occur We will have the Imperial Torturer become involved. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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26 May 18 - 07:58 AM (#3927218) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG The Imperial Torturer is waiting, oh Great One! I do like a nice torture...... JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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28 May 18 - 12:31 PM (#3927629) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu What say the denizens of Emperor Rapparee's reign about the geological unrest in Hawa'ii since Imperious Rex paid the place a visit? We're talking homeless families here, after all. And car-eating lava flows, and so on. |
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29 Sep 18 - 05:37 PM (#3953676) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Well, Hawa'ii was some time ago and now there's a tsunami in Indonesia. The world moves on. |
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29 Sep 18 - 09:43 PM (#3953708) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Greetings to Our people! We have done much since Our last post, including a change of Our computing machine. Whereas the Imperial Naysayer has undergone more torture at the hands of chirugeons than Our Imperial Torturer could ever apply We pardon him of his latest misconducts and hope that in this, Our magnanimity, he is stimulated to transmogrify his life and return to the paths of goodness and righteousness in which he was raised and from which he has oft gone astray. Imperial Torturer, We believe that We will be providing you with a number of deserving miscreants by the Christmas holidays so that you can enjoy them with with gusto and good cheer. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark The Glorious and Merciful |
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30 Sep 18 - 08:08 AM (#3953778) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Many thanks, Oh Great One! The Imperial Oubliette will be running on automatic pilot for several weeks. On Wednesday 3rd October your Imperial Torturer and Spouse will be hopping (all right, walking) onto a plane to spend 20 hours up there in a tin box with several hundred of our New Best Friends and 97 crying babies, briefly landing at Vancouver in the Great North Land of Canada before flying for several more hours to Toronto, finally exiting into fresh air with a great sigh of relief. The Imperial Torturer and Spouse have a Canaussian son who they haven't seen for three years and who has undergone major health issues in that time, so he needs a hug from his mummy and daddy and they need a hug from him. During this time the miscreants will be fed and watered occasionally via the odd trusty (some of whom are really odd, believe me!). Hopefully the smell shouldn't be too unbearable by the time of our return at the end of November; said trusties are allowed to hose out the dungeon and its inmates once a week. Using cold water, of course. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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30 Sep 18 - 09:01 PM (#3953918) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We ask you to wave as you fly over Our lands. Our Great Northern Province should not be too cold at this time of year, and Toronto is a rather nice city, as cities go. Enjoy yourselves, or find yourself in the Oubliette. We have spoken. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark Bringer Of Good Times For All |
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30 Sep 18 - 10:16 PM (#3953924) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Many thanks, Sire! I have already started practising The Wave. Don't worry - we fully intend to enjoy ourselves, we even have a Mudcatter friend to look up, Black Walnut. Back at the end of November. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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01 Oct 18 - 01:24 PM (#3954053) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu I had to look around the Mudcat forum to find out about Black Walnut. You two oldtimers have probably known Black Walnut all these years, but I'm a newbie and Black Walnut stopped posting to the Mudcat before I even knew the Mudcat existed. |
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03 Dec 18 - 12:57 PM (#3964520) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu The Imperious Rapturous Rex had to spend a night in hospital following the latest ministrations of the barber-chirurgiens. Ought I to write chirurgienne, since Dr. Fritz is of the feminine gender? Until recovery is complete, it appears that much time in the prone position will be necessary: tummy to the floor, posterior to the ceiling. A most unusual position for an emperor. But then I lack the imagination, and am also too squeamish, to picture the alternatives... Moreover, if I read the latest imperial update correctly, Dr. Fritz presumed to speak of a second procedure in future. |
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04 Dec 18 - 05:34 AM (#3964625) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG This is not good news. We are trusting the good Dr Fritz to do an excellent job of surgery, or she may find herself on the fritz (as it were). The Imperial Torturer and Spouse have returned from their trip to the far side of the known universe and are slowly getting over jet lag. It is a very very long way to go and come back again. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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04 Dec 18 - 08:25 AM (#3964667) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Rapturous? As the Royal fixer, lawyer and indicted conspirator I propose Imperious Rap Rex buy the Taj Mahal with loans and turn it into a casino and sin Hotel and drive it into bankruptcy leaving German and Russian Banks holding the bill |
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04 Dec 18 - 01:23 PM (#3964745) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Jennie G., glad to hear that you returned safely home from your travels and that home sweet home, after all the domestic disasters of recent years, was still there to welcome you. |
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04 Dec 18 - 10:53 PM (#3964815) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Thank you, keberoxu! We were mightily pleased ourselves that our home was intact, and Bianca The White Cat was happy to see us. After having health issues our Canaussian son is doing well, and his lovely partner and I enjoyed fun girl's days out together. When I'm not being the Imperial Torturer I can be quite nice, I'm told. |
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07 Dec 18 - 08:49 AM (#3965242) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Since the hints of a recession have caused the Emporer to declare a state of emergency in the kingdom, machinations are afoot that have hidden Imperious Rex from view. |
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07 Dec 18 - 02:54 PM (#3965305) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Joe Offer I'm still trying to figure out how Rap qualifies for a 628-message thread. Is he better-lookin' than the rest of us, or what? I'm just a tad jealous... -Lonesome Joe- |
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07 Dec 18 - 03:21 PM (#3965309) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu You wanna be prime minister, Joe? |
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08 Dec 18 - 12:25 AM (#3965378) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG There's bound to be a job for you, Joe. If all else fails you could be the Chief Tuner for the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble. Now there's a job that has a future.......let's face it, you would never be out of work...... JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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09 Dec 18 - 08:17 PM (#3965698) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Our most loyal and loving subjects! We appreciate you expressions of concern about this, Our most recent journey to the never-never land of the chirurgeons. We are recovering from this latest bout, although certain bodily functions are still recalcitrant. Never the less, We will insure that they resume their normal functionality! We shall ask to Physical Therapy and all the other post-operative therapy available. If Our functions do not resume their previous functioning before Yule the chirurgeon will find herself in the capable hands of Our Imperial Torturer (albeit that we have concerns, as they might get along too well). Again, We thank you for your wishes for Our continuing good health, and so We have decided to forgot all taxes from this date forward until the first of the year. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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09 Dec 18 - 09:31 PM (#3965708) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Joe Offer I see now, why Rap is emperor, and I am not. I am in awe. -Joe- |
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10 Dec 18 - 01:03 AM (#3965714) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Stilly River Sage I'm still trying to figure out how Rap qualifies for a 628-message thread. Is he better-lookin' than the rest of us, or what? He is a lot taller, Joe. |
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10 Dec 18 - 11:28 AM (#3965803) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Not to mention a laser beam into the eyeball ... before the surgery. |
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18 Dec 18 - 06:25 PM (#3967134) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Latest report from Rap's recovery was that he finally had enough energy to leave the house and go shopping. |
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19 Dec 18 - 01:34 PM (#3967277) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu And the latest update has Imperious Rex going out to purchase something new upon which to seat himself. |
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19 Dec 18 - 01:42 PM (#3967279) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell The reason Rap has a 600+ post thread while Joe Offer doesn't is simple: Rap accepted the job. Every time someone nominates Joe Offer for an important position, he declines! If memory serves, Joe has been nominated for Governor of California, Director of Department of Homeland Security, and President of the US. Has he accepted any of these nominations? No! Has he even taken the first step of commissioning a feasibility study? No! Well, what do you expect? If Joe had only accepted the nomination for Governor of California, he would surely have won. After all, his closest competitor was an Austrian bodybuilder who talks funny. After the inauguration, Joe would have had a thread several thousand posts long! You want big threads with your name on 'em, Joe, you gotta go for the big job! Singing "Michael Row the Boat Ashore" around a campfire ain't gonna get it! Bee-dubya Ell Imperial Ignoramus Rap gave me a mark, but I lost it |
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19 Dec 18 - 04:38 PM (#3967307) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel While Joe's Tri Lateral Commission and Vatican Bank gig only meets 4 times a year it is far more time consuming than that, so to be fair his hands are full. Besides, both institutions have fallen on hard times which complicates things for Joe. When we get back to more hot wars things will go more smoothly for Joe. He didn't even get invited to the Prayer Breakfast this year. Imperious Rex invested in Facebook and Russian stocks a bit too heavily against my protestation: From: Donuel - PM Date: 18 Aug 18 - 10:09 AM 30 years ago when Tech stocks dropped 500 points it was a crash. Soon when the market drops 3,000 points it will be a minor correction. Concentrated wealth (like in Bond movies) can steer market prices artificially and only indicate what Hedge fund owners want to do. I see Facebook tanking with 50% losses. Rx Tillerson looks like he is striking out with Russia sanctions and oil exploration deals. So imperious Rex will be licking his wounds for awhile. |
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20 Dec 18 - 08:58 PM (#3967591) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We thank Our people for their continued interest and care in Our recovery. We saw the chirurgeon today and was dismissed after a most intimate examination. We have been set free from the chains of medicine with an admonition to "Call if you have problems or questions." And so We shall have a Merry Christmas, and We, in Our boundless generosity, have ordered that each of Our subject be supplied with meats for the winter festivities. Each shall receive a goose from Our Imperial Gooseyard, black puddings, white puddings, and plum puddings, with the finest beverages suitable for their rank. No beggar shall be without a groat, and no herdsman without a goat. Prisoners are to be served an extra bowl of pottage eacch day and hosed down with warm water. Let the Festivities begin, and do not stop until the Epiphany Feast next year!!! We so decree! Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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21 Dec 18 - 01:17 AM (#3967605) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Thank you, Oh Great One! I have also taken the executive decision to increase the dungeon rations very slightly so our resident miscreants can enjoy a little yuletide cheer. A glass will be raised, together with the grateful thanks of all concerned, to the Emperor at 3 p.m. on The Day. In the new year a search will begin for a tuner to the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble, something sadly and badly needed. Any applicants? JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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21 Dec 18 - 09:53 PM (#3967792) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell I'm not sure it's even within the power of the omnipotent Emperor Rapparee to come up with a tuner for the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble. It's impossible to tune one banjo, much less an entire ensemble's worth. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus I have a mark around here somewhere... |
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22 Dec 18 - 02:55 AM (#3967804) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG That's the idea, BWL. The post is being kept open for the worst of the worst, because can you think of a more fitting punishment? JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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24 Dec 18 - 11:12 AM (#3968165) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu This brings to mind the Discworld Witches in Sir Terry Pratchett, in particular, the witch who enjoys her annual bath, in the tin tub in her backyard, while all the neighbors run for cover. Then, settled into the bath, she picks up her banjo and starts to sing "A Wizard's Staff has a Knob on the End..." |
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25 Dec 18 - 08:54 PM (#3968326) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu It occurs to me to wonder: when The Rapturous Imperious Rex decided upon something new on which to be seated, was this for his own private rooms or was it the ceremonial throne for official occasions? |
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26 Dec 18 - 01:46 PM (#3968389) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We are seated upon that seat which Nature gave Us. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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06 Jan 19 - 02:01 PM (#3970132) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu The realm is not what it was, without the Imperial Naysayer to issue verbal challenges to Imperious Rex. I hope against hope that Amos recovers enough to come back and fly his freak flag once again. |
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06 Jan 19 - 08:24 PM (#3970199) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Our Imperial Naysayer is quite ill and We and all Our subjects wish him nought but a speedy and complete recovery. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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06 Jan 19 - 09:37 PM (#3970214) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We are greatly saddened to learn of the passing of Our good friend, Dick Greenhaus. May he rest in peace. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
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07 Jan 19 - 08:53 PM (#3970478) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Amos the Naysayer has been visited by mutual friends and they have faithfully reported that he is improving, at least well enough to communicate better. |
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22 Jan 19 - 09:46 PM (#3973006) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: GUEST And the wrath of the Almighty was visited upon places beyond North Carolina, where the Imperial Naysayer is undergoing physiotherapy in hospital. North Carolina, no stranger to ice storms and freezing rain, watched these past few days as places near and far on the continent were smote ? smited ? smitten ? with heavy snow, and with ice. The Imperial Game Warden reports from the North that the ice made the roads impassable and that his garage door was frozen shut. The Weather Terrorists, I mean the Weather Channel, named the winter storm Harper. (after Harper Lee, I wonder?) |
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22 Jan 19 - 11:14 PM (#3973016) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Meanwhile down in the dungeon there have been, and will be, heatwaves of epic proportions. The Imperial Torturer and Spouse have cool(ish) quarters, but the inmates have been doing it tough when the temperature rises over the century. Do them good, I say! We are sending warm thoughts to the Imperial Naysayer. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
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23 Jan 19 - 11:12 AM (#3973088) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu I myself have no access to the CaringBridge page at which Mudcatter Amos posts updates about his convalescence. Maybe we all will have to wait until the Imperial Naysayer has the energy to spare to make an effort to [gain]say something himself. |
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23 Jan 19 - 01:34 PM (#3973122) Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee We, the Emperor Rapparee, doth this day command you, the Imperial Naysayer, to get the hell out of thy bed and chop wood, play a guitar, sing (or croak) a song to gladden the hearts of those in whose care thou art , or something else. Do it, Dude! Do it NOW! |
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