BS: Define 'plonker'

10 Apr 16 - 04:41 AM (#3784506)
Subject: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Little Hawk

I'm hoping our friends in the UK can give us all a satisfactory definition for this interesting term, and supply examples of its use in conversation: "plonker"

Have at it, mates!

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10 Apr 16 - 04:55 AM (#3784510)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Will Fly

Cambridge Dictionary: A foolish or inept person.

So there.

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10 Apr 16 - 04:56 AM (#3784512)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Will Fly

Most memorably used by Dell to describe Rodney in "Only Fools And Horses".

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10 Apr 16 - 04:57 AM (#3784513)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Raggytash

My word this is tempting !

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10 Apr 16 - 05:07 AM (#3784516)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

Near-synonyms, mildest first:
Plonker
Tosser
Pillock
Wazzock
Wanker
Twat

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10 Apr 16 - 05:10 AM (#3784518)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Little Hawk

Excellent! I especially like Wazzock.

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10 Apr 16 - 05:15 AM (#3784519)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Raggytash

I once heard that Mike Harding claimed to have invented the word Wazzock. I don't know for certain that he actually created the word or that he made such a claim. According to the Oxford English Dictionary online it is a 1980's creation.

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10 Apr 16 - 05:25 AM (#3784521)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

We were using the word in the late 60s/early 70s on Radcliffe Parks Dept., usually about the foreman, I hate to tell you.

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10 Apr 16 - 06:32 AM (#3784534)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Jack Campin

You forgot about "dork".

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10 Apr 16 - 06:37 AM (#3784537)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

And I could have put "cock" just above "twat" and "dickhead/knobhead" just below it. Or just "dick," which is gaining currency. Don't worry, we'll draw up a refined and re-ordered comprehensive list when the suggestions stop coming in. 😎

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10 Apr 16 - 07:02 AM (#3784541)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: MGM·Lion

Certainly one of those words, disagreeably & perversely imo, using name of a sex organ to indicate stupidity: cf cunt, twat, prick, &c. The use of plonker to mean the male organ was obviously not widespread when Partridge compiled his great Dict of Slang & Unconventional English; it only occurs as a supplemental afterthought to all the meanings about setting down heavily, &c; tho he does, right at the end of the final entry in the Supplement, add the definition, "penis, low", & as having been in use since c1917.

≈M≈

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10 Apr 16 - 07:30 AM (#3784544)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Dave Hanson

More modern ' fuckwit '

Dave H

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10 Apr 16 - 08:20 AM (#3784554)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

"Plonker" carries a flavour of fecklessness or stupidity. When I drew up my little list I kept that in mind. For that reason, I don't think that words such as "bastard," cunt," "arsehole," "prick," "shit" or "fucker," which don't have that connotation, belong. "Twat" is arguable, though it's often used for someone who's more stupid than nasty, for example the old duffer in the Honda Jazz in front of me who won't go faster than 22 mph. Apologies for breaking a personal rule of mine in this post, but, in line with the Guardian, I avoid those pretentious asterisks in expletives.

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10 Apr 16 - 08:56 AM (#3784561)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Dave the Gnome

It is very tempting isn't it, Raggy? :-) Well done for being strong and not succumbing!

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10 Apr 16 - 09:01 AM (#3784562)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Dave the Gnome

Oh, and Steve, how about tit?

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10 Apr 16 - 09:04 AM (#3784563)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Raggytash

Thank you Dave, as you can imagine it's not easy !!

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10 Apr 16 - 09:28 AM (#3784565)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

Yep, tit fits well!

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10 Apr 16 - 09:30 AM (#3784566)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

Wally.

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10 Apr 16 - 10:32 AM (#3784576)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: akenaton

Interesting Micheal(7:02 am), but I am assured that the correct definition is the article which makes a "plonking" sound when deposited in a WC pan.....personified.

There is still at least one good example here, but as I do not indulge in abusive personal insults, I will refrain from mentioning names.......the epidemic of Mudcat "plonkers", does seem to be abating. Hard medicine is often the best medicine.

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10 Apr 16 - 10:48 AM (#3784578)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Doug Chadwick

I have never considered "plonker" to have a sexual connotation. The Urban Dictionary gives its origin as a reference to someone who was forever drunk on cheap wine, which is how I see it. As described in the link, it is a very light-hearted insult for someone who has done something foolish. I wouldn't equate it with "twat" which, for me, expresses a definite element of nastiness.

DC

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10 Apr 16 - 11:03 AM (#3784582)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Dave the Gnome

No probs, Raggy. But it is getting more difficult by the minute ;-)

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10 Apr 16 - 11:29 AM (#3784584)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Little Hawk

Another good one is "twit", as in "upper class twit". It's amazing how much one can express with just 2 "t"'s and one or two other letters, isn't it?

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10 Apr 16 - 11:39 AM (#3784585)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't, Doug. I think that "twat," more often than not, carries that element of stupidity. Nastiness sometimes but not invariably, as in the example I gave. All these words need to be placed on some kind of scale of increasing pejorative intent. "Plonker" is clearly much further down than "twat" but we'll have to argue the points between. And context is important too. If I called you a bastard to your face you might punch me on the nose. But in Australia you might say to your best mate "G'day, you old bastard, howya doin'!" and it would be taken as a term of endearment. In fact, I'm thinking of using that excuse here more often...

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10 Apr 16 - 11:49 AM (#3784586)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Dave the Gnome

Was it one of the Aussie captains who, on receiving a complaint from the England captain, addressed his team with "Which one of you bastards has been calling these bastards bastards?"

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10 Apr 16 - 12:57 PM (#3784596)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

"There is still at least one good example here, but as I do not indulge in abusive personal insults..."

Jeez, you can't resist, can you. Of course you have done, on numerous occasions. Why, you were calling some of us monkeys only yesterday. You're just as capable of coming the gobshite as the rest of us who you accuse.

Sorry, I've been looking for an opportunity to use "gobshite," one of me favourite words, for a while! 😂

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10 Apr 16 - 12:59 PM (#3784598)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Backwoodsman

I posted this earlier but, for some unknown reason, it disappeared (perhaps a sensitive-soul Mud-elf was offended?)...

In my neck of the Backwoods, 'wanker' and 'tosser' appear to have been superseded by the, IMHO, infinitely more satisfying 'spunk-trumpet'. But, of course, you would never hear such coarse terms from my dainty rose-bud lips. 😎

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10 Apr 16 - 01:33 PM (#3784604)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

Well, when I think back to school, we used to say "you're pulling my plonker, aren't you?" for "pulling my leg," but in that context I think its role as a sex organ was far from our minds. I think Del-boy's constant use of "plonker" for his brother firmly established the word as non-sexual. On the parks we'd say "you're pulling my pisser, aren't you?"

Come to think of it, when we were discussing "big girl's blouse" the other day for men acting fussily and in a slightly effeminate manner, it brought to mind a slightly less kind expression I learned from the parks men for such a person: "Eee, look at 'im, will yer. I bet he thinks his dick's fer pissin' out of."

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10 Apr 16 - 02:23 PM (#3784611)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: MGM·Lion

@Steve:— What you said, and thought you meant, in your astoundingly[!] innocent schooldays are not necessarily the be-all-and-the-end-all of the matter, you know. Usages can have different overtones and connotations among different users and groups of users; I don't think a group of off-duty soldiery using the same terms would have mentally-imaged their referents identically to you o-so-incredibly-virtuous-&-pure-minded-to-hear-u-tell-it schoolboys. And kindly explain and justify beyond doubt your assertion that 'Del-boy's constant use of "plonker" for his brother firmly established the word as non-sexual'. Why/how did it? -- Del Boy is not characterised as an unworldly vicar (and as to tv vicars, just you look at those of Dibley & Grantchester, at that!).

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10 Apr 16 - 03:02 PM (#3784623)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Raggytash

I too used heard expression "you're pulling my plonker" but I seem to recall it referred to a sexual organ.

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10 Apr 16 - 03:39 PM (#3784629)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: CupOfTea

If "plonker" has the connotation of being a penis, does that mean that cheap and inferior wine referred to as "plonk" means it is the equivalent of piss? Or are the two terms actually unrelated?

Enquiring minds...

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10 Apr 16 - 04:34 PM (#3784642)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: ripov

I've always thought that "plonk" was a corruption (deliberate as we are english, and get some fun out of misusing words!), for "vin blanc". But we do use "on the piss" to mean drinking excessively; and again, to mean "not standing up straight"; although more of things than people. And the derivation of "piste", although now associated with skiing, is from the latin from "beaten" (as in "the beaten track") or "stamped" (like a coin), ie "hammered", so the common connotations are fairly old.

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10 Apr 16 - 05:53 PM (#3784651)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

Ripoff is correct about "plonk." Raggytash, the difference is that I was Radcliffe and you were somewhere in England. 😂

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10 Apr 16 - 10:15 PM (#3784697)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Bert

It also means kiss, as in 'He plonkered her one'

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11 Apr 16 - 01:30 AM (#3784703)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Gurney

Plonker means penis, in the vernacular.

Where I come from, a wazzock is an adze, an old shipbuilders and builders tool used to shave off large chunks of wood. The adze will stand on its head when not being used, and it has a curved handle.
Hence 'It left me standing like a wazzock on the pavement' for a dumbfounded person standing with his head bowed.

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11 Apr 16 - 04:18 AM (#3784727)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: MGM·Lion

Of course, as with many words, this one has several meanings, which, in general, context should make clear. Ambiguities are always possible, however. Take the use of 'plonker' cited above for a loud kiss. "He planted a fine plonker on her willing lips" -- did he give her "ae fond kiss', or was a mutually desired bit of fellatio in the offing, would you say?

≈M≈

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11 Apr 16 - 06:38 AM (#3784740)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: ripov

but "Kisses sweeter than plonk" doesn't quite have the romantic sound to it. (was going to say "romantic ring" but realised that this might provoke unwarranted hilarity)

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11 Apr 16 - 11:09 AM (#3784763)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Little Hawk

Plonked if I know!

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11 Apr 16 - 08:20 PM (#3784788)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

"And kindly explain and justify beyond doubt your assertion that 'Del-boy's constant use of "plonker" for his brother firmly established the word as non-sexual'. Why/how did it?"

By constant and repeated usage in a firmly non-sexual context over many years in a pre-watershed programme watched by millions. The self-appointed arbiters of language have no control over that. When I were a little lad me mum and dad frequently put the only lp they had on the gramophone, a collection of songs by Peter Dawson, the first of which was A Bachelor Gay. The song laments the fellow's lifelong lack of success with the ladies, until:

"When he fancies he is past love
It is then he meets his last love
And he loves her as he's never loved before"

One can envisage many of a younger age puzzling how the chap can be both gay and living in lifelong yearning for a lady-love. That's language for you, evolving fast in response to popular usage in spite of the begrudgers, and long may it do so (hopefully -heheh!). How did "gay" change? By constant and determined usage in a new context, that's how. Just like Del Boy did with "plonker." In my view, it's a valuable addition to the mildly-amusing lexicon of gentle pejoratives.

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11 Apr 16 - 08:23 PM (#3784789)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: artbrooks

Well, the original list is generally unknown in the US, except for those of us who read English fiction or have low class (i.e., UK)
friends. Except for 'twat', which is a euphemism for female genitalia and quite insulting.

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11 Apr 16 - 08:49 PM (#3784792)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

Well I wouldn't call it a euphemism exactly, but I think it's drifted away from that usage considerably this end. You might still hear it used for female genitalia and well, yes, it isn't very nice but, as ever, much depends on context; other words are far more in vogue these days. I won't fanny around digging for examples, as I'm not usually known for pussyfooting...

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11 Apr 16 - 08:55 PM (#3784793)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

Ripov, apologies for "ripoff". I don't know how that happened and I've only just noticed it. Not intended! 🙁

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12 Apr 16 - 01:00 AM (#3784811)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: vectis

I, personally, don't remember plonker being in the common vernacular until 'only fools and horses' popularised it. Until then it had been largely confined to the London area.

Correct me if you disagree but in my bit of southern England I never heard the term used.

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12 Apr 16 - 04:10 AM (#3784822)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Tattie Bogle

Numpties, the lot of youse!
And these days, anatomically impossibly, there seem to be a huge number of male c#nts and fannies about!

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12 Apr 16 - 05:10 AM (#3784828)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Jim Carroll

According to the wonderful 'The Insect That Stole the Butter' (Oxford Dictionary of word origins) "'Plonker, meaning an idiot, dates to the 1960s but was popularised by 'Only Fools and Horses'.
"It was based on the first plonk (wine) and was first used to mean something large or unsubstantial - also penis."
Jim Carroll

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12 Apr 16 - 10:23 AM (#3784877)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Bill D

In Usenet (newsgroups) (surely SOME of you know what that is) "plonk" is what one does TO plonkers & trolls. . It means to delete their posts from one's own feed and to set a command to ignore their subsequent posts. It can be very useful.

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12 Apr 16 - 05:19 PM (#3784962)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Gallus Moll

bawbag

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12 Apr 16 - 09:04 PM (#3785004)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Tattie Bogle

Bampot!

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13 Apr 16 - 03:16 AM (#3785027)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Backwoodsman

I first heard the word 'plonker' back in 1964, when I was a 17-year-old engineering apprentice, and a tradesman I was 'the lad' for was berating his other charge for spending too much time in the toilets. The accusation was hurled that the apprentice was constantly 'running off to the bogs to pull your plonker', in other words masturbate.

From that moment, 'plonker' was firmly set in my mind, and has been ever since, as a euphemism for 'penis'.

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13 Apr 16 - 01:04 PM (#3785113)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Little Hawk

Gobshite!

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13 Apr 16 - 02:45 PM (#3785145)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

Oi, Hawk, I claimed gobshite three days ago, you plonker!

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13 Apr 16 - 03:06 PM (#3785151)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: TheSnail

Here's a fairly exhaustive list

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13 Apr 16 - 05:56 PM (#3785158)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Lighter

The precise U.S. equivalent of "plonker" would appear to be "jerkoff" politely "jerk."

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13 Apr 16 - 06:45 PM (#3785160)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

I don't think so. The trouble with you yanks is that you don't understand UK warm-and-subtle. Nightly-night.

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13 Apr 16 - 06:46 PM (#3785161)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

Nighty-night that would be. A subtle difference.

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13 Apr 16 - 06:55 PM (#3785162)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: mayomick

a plonker is the same thing as an "old bill" .

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13 Apr 16 - 07:15 PM (#3785164)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Little Hawk

Oi, Steve! I must be a plonker, because I completely overlooked your earlier contribution of gobshite. I am so mortified! I may even be a pillock, a wanker, a wazzock or......and let's hope not....a twat!

Meanwhile, here's Ruby the Foul-Mouthed Parrot to tell all England "Oo's a twat and oo's not"!

Ruby has the final word!

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14 Apr 16 - 08:09 AM (#3785250)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: MGM·Lion

Lighter: The more vernacular English verb for 'masturbate' is 'wank'; so that our word most directly translating US 'jerk-off' would be 'wanker'. The verb 'to plonk' does not carry any overtone of masturbation with us.

≈M≈

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14 Apr 16 - 08:24 AM (#3785256)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Raggytash

"Pullin' me pud" was a euphemism for masturbation when I was a lad.

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14 Apr 16 - 08:33 AM (#3785259)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Stanron

A point our colonial friends might miss is that the word 'plonker' has an element of fondness connected to it. Words like 'bastard', 'jerk-off' or 'twat' have a more nasty connotation.

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14 Apr 16 - 12:15 PM (#3785304)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

Quite right, Stanron. They still have a lot to learn!

We were Catholics so we didn't have masturbation, but the proddydogs down the road often spoke of strangling their turkeys.

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14 Apr 16 - 01:44 PM (#3785320)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: MGM·Lion

What do Catholics have instead, Steve?

Just asking...

≈M≈

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14 Apr 16 - 05:37 PM (#3785345)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

We avert our gaze from our genitalia and pray to Our Lady of course! Tsk.


Plonker...

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14 Apr 16 - 06:00 PM (#3785347)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Little Hawk

Ha! Ha! Ha! :D

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14 Apr 16 - 07:48 PM (#3785366)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Gallus Moll

I'm surprised and disappointed at the lack of reaction to BAWBAG that I posted earlier- - a term of derision used particularly in the West central belt of Scotland (as in 'Hurricane Bawbag' a couple of years ago -- don't ask me what the official name was, but it was pretty windy - -- )
Bawbag means scrotal sac- - but not in a nice way!!!!

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14 Apr 16 - 07:53 PM (#3785369)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

Ah, you mean lunchpacket. Why didn't you say so!

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14 Apr 16 - 08:32 PM (#3785382)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Gallus Moll

'cos bawbag sounds (and looks) more gross!!!

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14 Apr 16 - 09:14 PM (#3785389)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Little Hawk

It sounds bloody awful!

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15 Apr 16 - 12:34 AM (#3785409)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Bert

Masturbation was always a J. Arthur.

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15 Apr 16 - 04:31 AM (#3785423)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

Buffing the bishop. Having sex with someone you actually love.

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15 Apr 16 - 05:07 AM (#3785426)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: MGM·Lion

I remember that Barry Humphries' Oz character in an old Private Eye cartoon strip used to talk of "shaking hands with the wife's best friend".

≈M≈

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15 Apr 16 - 05:22 AM (#3785430)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

Or, more gloomily, shaking hands with the unemployed.

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15 Apr 16 - 05:24 AM (#3785431)
Subject: RE: BS: Define 'plonker'
From: Steve Shaw

Actually, both those are also used for going for a wee in the pub session. That and draining the spuds.

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