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30 May 16 - 03:59 PM (#3792889) Subject: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Mrrzy I am transitioning away from my assumed/assigned, gender and going with "neither" - I request that anybody who knows my first name refrain from using it, and that I not be referred to as "he" or "she" (you can use the neutral "they" or, either more or less appropriately depending on how you think of it, "it"). Thank you for respecting me as a person. |
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30 May 16 - 04:03 PM (#3792892) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: keberoxu My friend's teenager is doing this....my friend (mother) is doing what she can to be supportive, so is the teenager's physician. Support is the name of the game, sounds to me. You have ours, for the asking. |
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30 May 16 - 04:28 PM (#3792896) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: fat B****rd Whatever you desire, Mrrzzy. My best thoughts and respects to you. Charlie |
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30 May 16 - 04:40 PM (#3792897) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Senoufou Best wishes to you Mrrzy. Eliza x |
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30 May 16 - 06:29 PM (#3792916) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Noreen All the best with the next interesting chapter in your like, Mrrzy! I'd be interested to hear how you're getting on, from time to time- as much or as little as you wish to share. Nx |
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30 May 16 - 06:36 PM (#3792919) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: bobad You're the third person I know who has made this transition. I must admit that it takes a while to become comfortable with using the desired pronoun, especially when you have known the person all your life in one gender. Slip ups do happen so don't be too critical of them when they do, they are inadvertent. |
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30 May 16 - 06:54 PM (#3792923) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: gnu I always thought of you as Mrrzzy so this won't have much of an impact on me other than it seems odd some people feel any impact at all... if I read this right? Having said that, I hope things are cool with you in future. |
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30 May 16 - 09:04 PM (#3792945) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Steve Shaw This is totally irrelevant to the thread, but this topic got me musing about how I don't know the gender of quite a few people who post here. It would be invidious to produce a list, but one example (I hope she doesn't mind) was that for ages I thought the person formerly known as Stilly River Sage was a bloke, until she PMed me one day and signed off with her first name (she was probably telling me off about something). I didn't say anything, but you could have knocked me over with a feather. Anyway, all the best, Mrrzy. |
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30 May 16 - 09:25 PM (#3792949) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Mrrzy It's precisely because (some) people get knocked over with feathers when they find out people are a different gender than they thought, as if that mattered one whit outside the sheets, that has me abdicating mine... |
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30 May 16 - 10:08 PM (#3792957) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Padre Since you are a single person, rather than an aggregation, "IT" is the more correct usage. |
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30 May 16 - 11:39 PM (#3792965) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Mrrzy I totally agree! |
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31 May 16 - 01:37 AM (#3792971) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Joe Offer My wife uses "transitioning" as a term for passing from life to death. I'm glad that's not the case for you. You've been a good friend for a long time, although I've never met you face-to-face. I've always called you "Mrr" - hope that's OK. All the best to you. -Joe- |
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31 May 16 - 02:08 AM (#3792974) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Megan L Other than the few folk I have met or seen pictures of I have no idea of the gender of people on this forum gender like colour belief or any other group label is just another coat people wear the only important thing is the person inside the coat. |
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31 May 16 - 04:09 AM (#3792993) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Mo the caller I have thought for a long time that it was a shame that there isn't a singular personal pronoun that doesn't make assumptions (IT sounds too impersonal, THEY is plural). And a title (if we need one at all). Am I Ms or Mrs - why can't I just be M. To my mind he/she only matter at some times in your life, in your most personal relationships - why is it anyone else's concern. |
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31 May 16 - 04:14 AM (#3792994) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Senoufou Oh that Miss, Mrs, Ms rubbish gets me raging! Also, I didn't adopt my husband's surname (too hard to spell!) and that seems to bother Officialdom greatly. The actual reason for contacting them gets pushed to the back, while they wrestle with my non-conformity! |
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31 May 16 - 05:52 AM (#3793010) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Steve Shaw It would be disrespectful of me to make light of this serious topic, and that isn't my intention, but I have this private whimsical habit of trying to picture people from just their radio voice, their handwriting or their online demeanour. When I eventually see a photo of them or see them in person I invariably find I'm way off the mark. After years of knowing Joe Offer only from his posts here, recently I came across a photo of him and he didn't look anything like my imaginings (which I won't disclose, but don't worry, Joe, there were no horns sticking out of your head...). I find that being totally wrong almost every time acts as a corrective to prejudice... |
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31 May 16 - 06:00 AM (#3793013) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Senoufou Oh I'm always way off the mark with putting an image to a voice or written communication. And people's appearance changes over the years. I recently renewed my passport, and didn't recognise the old hag I've become in my new photo. It's so true, it's the actual person inside, not the outer shell, which is important. (Or so I tell myself as I avoid glancing in the mirror!) |
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31 May 16 - 06:12 AM (#3793016) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Steve Shaw I look like a cadaver in my passport photo. The trouble was that you weren't allowed to smile. Mrs Steve's is even worse: she looks vicious and threatening, the opposite of her true demeanour. Put the two together and she looks like the murderer and I look like her victim. The worrying thing is that they were taken over seven years ago... |
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31 May 16 - 06:17 AM (#3793017) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Noreen I recently joined a new member to the library, who asked that their "title" on our records would be Mx rather than Mr or Miss/Ms/Ms- which of course I did. I had not come across this gender- neutral title before, but Mx Google tells me that the usage has been around for some time. Our system has now been changed to give Mx as one of the options in the title box, but this has made me wonder why we need to have these titles anyway, and I often leave that box blank. |
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31 May 16 - 06:19 AM (#3793019) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Senoufou Hahahaha!! I wish it was just that Steve (not smiling I mean) but when I smile the wrinkles are like the Grand Canyon. I actually look as if a call to the funeral director is the next step. The chap who took them said there was a problem. I immediately thought my face was too ugly to submit to the Passport Office. But no, it was just the background was too light. He did them again. And I looked just as ghastly. Sigh. |
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31 May 16 - 06:30 AM (#3793023) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Senoufou I agree Noreen. It's just unnecessary. To borrow library books, one needs to disclose one's sex and marital status? Ridiculous. I try to fill in online forms as just Senoufou Doodah (my first and last names I mean) but often the computer comes up covered in red and complains I haven't filled in all the boxes. Quite mad. They'll be wanting to know the colour of our underwear next. (Greyish white, if anyone's curious!) |
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31 May 16 - 08:07 AM (#3793038) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Doug Chadwick When you start to look like your passport photo, it's time to take a holiday. DC |
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31 May 16 - 08:14 AM (#3793040) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Backwoodsman When you start to look like your passport photo, you're probably dead, Doug! |
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31 May 16 - 08:34 AM (#3793046) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Pete from seven stars link Being uncertain of this , I non the less wish you the very best, and that life will be kinder to you than it has at times in your past. If l post to you, it is a person , regardless of how you describe yourself within your personhood and just use your name if that's ok with you. Best. Pete. |
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31 May 16 - 09:56 AM (#3793063) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: mkebenn I'm with Noreen, if referering to a person in the third person, MX works for me, otherwise, their "handle" is fine, if it's gender specific that's their choice. The only 'catter Ive seen a picture of that didn't surprise me was LH. Mike |
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31 May 16 - 04:17 PM (#3793087) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Doug Chadwick MX in place of Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms doesn't completely solve the problem of gender identification. My father-in-law was Polish and while his and his son's family name ends in "...ski", my wife's and her sister's family name ends in "...ska". An alternative of "...skx" is not on offer. DC |
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31 May 16 - 05:29 PM (#3793094) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Steve Shaw I have a feeling that some Polish people use the same surname for both sexes. |
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31 May 16 - 06:51 PM (#3793098) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: punkfolkrocker Androgyny and 'gender bending' were considerable cultural influences in my teens and early 20s... All us young adults involved in music, art, and theatre back then were bound to have been influenced to some extent... I was very skinny, had good cheekbones and reasonable 'boy band' looks and, very long hair. The first girl I lived with was prone to wanting put makeup and her silk scarves on me when we were drunk... I'd almost completely forgot how much fun & excitement it was back then. To see me now, tired and boring, getting fatter and balder, and far more 'traditionally masculine' you would never imagine I was the same bloke...!!!??? 💋 |
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31 May 16 - 09:01 PM (#3793114) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Charley Noble Mrrzy- If it's important to you, I'm listening. May it give you joy! Charlie Ipcar |
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31 May 16 - 10:11 PM (#3793116) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Mrrzy About people not looking like their voices - they don't cast actors who look like my images of characters in books I read, either. And it's SUCH a relief. |
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31 May 16 - 10:16 PM (#3793117) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Mrrzy BTW, for clarification, those 2 comments were unrelated to each other. |
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01 Jun 16 - 03:25 AM (#3793140) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Ebbie My sis in law made me laugh when she was lamenting her looks in photos and that people tell her to smile. So, she did, she said and "It was worse!" |
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01 Jun 16 - 05:27 AM (#3793154) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Backwoodsman Mx in place of Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms doesn't completely solve the problem of gender identification. My father-in-law was Polish and while his and his son's family name ends in "...ski", my wife's and her sister's family name ends in "...ska". An alternative of "...skx" is not on offer. Nor for members of Icelandic families whose names end in 'son' or 'dottir', depending on gender. |
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01 Jun 16 - 08:26 AM (#3793179) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Jack Campin The way I see it, if somebody doesn't have the common politeness to post under their real name, they don't get to pontificate about what form of address is acceptable. I am very unlikely to remember which poster this is, so they can damn well put up with "he or she" in future. |
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01 Jun 16 - 09:02 AM (#3793182) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Donuel The word transitioning has gained this unique meaning. I see this more as a return to a personal normalcy. |
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01 Jun 16 - 11:16 AM (#3793210) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Mrrzy I like that - "they can put up with he or she" - lovely. And yeah, for me it sure is, Donuel. The problem is that the US is so incredibly sexist it hasn't seemed possible for me to be a person here while being of one particular gender. So I'm not gonna be one particular one any more. As much as I can. I'm starting name change proceedings. Almost everybody has changed my name in their systems (banks etc) but my work, by rule, has to go with social security's records, so I have to change that. |
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01 Jun 16 - 11:34 AM (#3793215) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Megan L Jack there are very good personal reasons why people here might use a pseudo name. They may be very well known and use it to allow them to meet with people without being fawned over. Or they may be for example a single female who uses one for safety sake can you say STALKER or there may be family problems in their real life that using their real name could open up all sorts of problems. As for your attitude whether or not you agree with or even like Mrzzy it would not harm you to show some common courtesy or not bother posting if you only wish to be rude. |
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01 Jun 16 - 12:02 PM (#3793222) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Joe Offer I have my own reasons for wanting to use my own name at Mudcat. Using my own name has worked well for me, but I realize there is a risk involved. I think it is wiser and safer to use a consistent pseudonym. I do think that it is deceptive and wrong to post with multiple identities, or with no identity at all. To me, Mrzzy will always be Mrr, a pretty good person who has established a good reputation here, a person I have enjoyed spending time with. |
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01 Jun 16 - 12:12 PM (#3793227) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Senoufou Jack, on most forums people use a username or pseudonym. It's more or less universal. As Megan says, it's for safety reasons. I think it's sensible. I don't see where 'common politeness' comes into it. And your post did sound rather unpleasant... |
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01 Jun 16 - 12:59 PM (#3793236) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: mg it sounded almost like common politeness was not being practiced at the moment. |
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01 Jun 16 - 01:01 PM (#3793239) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Mrrzy It's OK, Megan, mg, et al. Thanks. And Mrrzy actually is the name I've gone by most of my life, socially. |
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01 Jun 16 - 02:00 PM (#3793262) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Joe Offer Jack gets curmudgeonly at times; but he, too, is a good guy. I think it's kinda cool that you can come to Mudcat and choose a name, and be who you think that person should be. Of course, I would hope that we would choose to be our best selves. Some make other choices. -Joe- |
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01 Jun 16 - 02:05 PM (#3793264) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Senoufou When I joined fairly recently, 'Eliza' had already been taken by another lady, so I needed to choose a different username anyway. I rather like 'Senoufou', and thought that probably no-one else had that for their pseudonym! I had been posting as Eliza for quite a while. |
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01 Jun 16 - 03:02 PM (#3793272) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Pete from seven stars link Does it have a meaning , or you just like the sound of it, Eliza ? |
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01 Jun 16 - 03:16 PM (#3793280) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Senoufou It's the name of my husband's tribe in Ivory Coast. He's a Senoufou from Nafamadougou! (That's his ancestral village in the north of the country) His dad's name is Noufou. They seem to like that 'ou' sound! |
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01 Jun 16 - 03:40 PM (#3793288) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Backwoodsman its a personal choice as to whether to use one's real name or a pseudonym. Pseudonyms are permitted under Mudcat rules, and it's got SFA to do with anyone else what identifier each of us chooses to use here. IMHO. |
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01 Jun 16 - 04:23 PM (#3793295) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Helen Mrrzy, You have my greatest respect and admiration for having the courage to be who you are. I hope that this stage of your journey in life is the best! Like a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis, you can fly! As to Ms/Mrs/Mx and Mr, having worked in government roles for many decades, I know that the only reason we need to know that is so that we can address letters politely and courteously, rather than starting the letter with "Hey you!". I imagine that a Mr who likes being a Mr would hate getting a letter addressed to a Ms etc, but I also see that it is a thorn in the side of people who need to identify themselves in a certain way or transition themselves to their true inner selves. Like Steve Shaw, as a game of imagination I often try to visualise what someone looks like, but I am always pleasantly surprised by how much better and more interesting the person is in real life than my imagination has painted her/him. Helen |
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01 Jun 16 - 04:34 PM (#3793297) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Doug Chadwick And Mrrzy actually is the name I've gone by most of my life, socially. How is it pronounced, Mrrzy? As I have only read it, I think of it in my head as "Mitsy" but I suppose it could be pronounced similar to the river that Liverpool, UK, stands on (as in the 1960's song "Ferry Across the Mersey") DC |
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01 Jun 16 - 04:36 PM (#3793298) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Steve Shaw Well I've used my real name on every forum I've ever posted on and I never pull my punches. Not once in fifteen years, and after tens of thousands of posts, many of them utterly "controversial," has this got me into any trouble. Not once. And you could easily find out exactly where I live in two minutes flat, and I don't care. There may be real reasons for a few people to be anonymous, but I don't believe that anonymity is even remotely necessary for the vast majority of people. Sorry to disagree with some of my allies on this point, but I think that anonymity is bullshit. In another thread I'm still doing battle with a bigot who, until the rule change, posted both as bobad and as an anonymous Guest, in the latter guise frequently causing massive offence from behind his wall. There is not a single good reason on earth why he should have been able to do that, let alone still be allowed to post here. There may be exceptions to my no-anonymity point, but they should be rare. I'm with Jack. |
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01 Jun 16 - 06:05 PM (#3793311) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: gnu My apologies. I haven't kept up with this thread but I intend to do so. In the meantime, I have a question. A friend of a friend posted that s/he (I dunno) is "transitioning as a woman". So, is s/he "becoming a wo/man? I just don't understand the lingo. Makes it difficult to join in the conversation when you don't know what is being discussed. Thanks in advance for any help provided for my understanding the terminology. |
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01 Jun 16 - 06:10 PM (#3793312) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Anne Lister Good luck with it all, Mrrzy. FWIW, I've had no problems at all posting under my real name here, but remember having problems trying to post under a gender-neutral name back in the old days of Compuserve, as the assumption was I must therefore be a man trying to conceal his true nature from the women! Sometimes people are very odd. |
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01 Jun 16 - 06:59 PM (#3793316) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Steve Shaw I have no issue with people deciding that they want to use a pseudonym. If that's what it takes for individuals to keep themselves off google if they so desire, so be it. It's just that I'm very suspicious of anyone who wishes to say whatever the hell he likes, under a pseudonym, just to keep himself off google. A forum website is perfectly capable of keeping people off google whilst letting the logged-in members know exactly who they're talking to. |
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01 Jun 16 - 07:02 PM (#3793319) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Jeri Gnu, it sounds like she is becoming a 'she', but just ask. I figure when I ask what I think are awkward or ignorant questions, I'm telling the other person I KNOW I'm not sure, but I want to understand. Mrrzy, I always pronounce it "Mersey" (as in the river). Best wishes for your future. Every person should be able to define themselves. |
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01 Jun 16 - 07:21 PM (#3793323) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Will Fly a Senoufou from Nafamadougou That's even better than being an Oakie from Muskogee! :-) |
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01 Jun 16 - 10:10 PM (#3793335) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Donuel LGBTQ-RSTUV doesn't completely solve the problem of gender identification. We should just settle on the word people. In the Chinese language there are no personal pronouns to indicate gender. There have never been gender pronouns in Chinese. |
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02 Jun 16 - 02:25 AM (#3793346) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Megan L the choice of form of address should be personal I am Mrs and quickly point out to those who try to insist I am ms that the only ms I know is marks and spencer the shop and that I am married even if my husband died. However I respect others right to be who they are. A few years ago I wrote Who am I ? I am me I am not you, Your hopes, Your dreams. I am ME I do not have to do what you want me to do I do not have to be what you want me to be I am ME Not some poor imitation of you I am unique, a genuine one-off me I am ME. ............. Be you but be tolerant of genuine mistakes. |
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02 Jun 16 - 02:52 AM (#3793347) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Senoufou I agree Will. His dad is Noufou le Senoufou de Nafamadougou. I've often thought of composing a song along those lines. (Noufou is Malinke for Noah) Believe it or not, his dad's brother is Moumou!! |
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02 Jun 16 - 08:01 AM (#3793374) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: mkebenn I never thought of my handle as concealing my identity. My name is Michael for Gods sake, I'd have to be Mike124756. lol. My last name is Bennett, so that wouldn't help much . If for some unknown reason some one wanted to post me or call me, PM me and I'll give you my info. I have no secret ID to protect. However, I, as Mr. Shaw, I assume, am male. I understand a lady's desire for a shield in such a vast forum. I would never disrespect or insult another person, and if I did and then hid my identity, I'd be a ball lacking cur. Mike |
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02 Jun 16 - 12:46 PM (#3793410) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: keberoxu You tell 'em, mister Bennett. |
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02 Jun 16 - 02:59 PM (#3793440) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: EBarnacle To develop from Popeye, "I yam what I yam." Go with whatever Being or Spirit you do or do not believe in. |
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02 Jun 16 - 04:33 PM (#3793452) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Joe Offer To Senoufou and keberoxu: Please don't grade us on how we spell your names... I was very careful to copy-paste from your emails when I entered your registrations. Keberoxu, where's you get your name from? -Joe- |
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02 Jun 16 - 07:32 PM (#3793475) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: keberoxu You are not the first person to ask, Joe the O. Donuel wanted to know what kind of zoo I was. "Keberoxu" is a computer-generated password. It was generated by the program for the website of a company with access to digital scores from existing real-life libraries, largely at universities and colleges. I go there in the course of looking up music, especially classical music. So it's a very specialized situation, and I'm not worried about their security. I just thought it was kind of a cool word. "keberoxu" in Massachusetts |
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02 Jun 16 - 08:14 PM (#3793482) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: JennieG All the best on your transitioning, Mrrzy.....may your journey be a smooth one. |
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02 Jun 16 - 08:22 PM (#3793485) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Janie All the best, Mrzzy. |
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02 Jun 16 - 08:44 PM (#3793490) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: McGrath of Harlow I note you say "going with neither" rather than "going with both". It's all getting very complicated. |
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02 Jun 16 - 10:53 PM (#3793500) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Dani Best to you, Mrrzy : ) And. WAIT! Was there a chance to be someone else, and I blew it? All these years, I've just been mySELF?! Dang it. Knew I should have picked a better nom de ploom. Dani |
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03 Jun 16 - 12:03 AM (#3793505) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: punkfolkrocker I've never liked my mudcat name.. it was only ever meant to be a one off joke to wind up some old miseries in a thread [ they were probably moaning about electric instruments ??? ] But somehow it kind of stuck... .. and over the last decade and more, 'punkfolkrocker' has been an uncomfortable amalgam of exaggerated constructed persona and too close to real life me... We both used to drink a lot more than we do now... 🙄 Btw.. I don't feel too self indulgent writing this, as the thread is basically about 'identity'.. |
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03 Jun 16 - 12:21 AM (#3793508) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Mrrzy I am reminded of a lovely little book called I'll be you and you be me... Pronounced like the Mersey, yes. |
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03 Jun 16 - 08:24 AM (#3793578) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: mkebenn Unlike sensu's wonderful derivation, mine is but a contraction of my name that I use as an E-Mail name. sigh. Mike |
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03 Jun 16 - 09:18 AM (#3793585) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Senoufou Joe, I'm a bit puzzled as I haven't said anything about you not spelling my username correctly. I'm quite sure you copy them down very carefully. I only said my first choice had already been taken, so I chose Senoufou. |
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04 Jun 16 - 06:19 AM (#3793711) Subject: RE: BS: Mrrzy is transitioning From: Roger the Skiffler I prefer the Quaker way of just using names rather than titles but so many forms we have to fill in don't give you that option. As my ramblings under my Mudcat name was the cause of offense to some non-members and brought down wrath on my head, I've used another nickname for my Facebook page but others have been told they can't use aliases or nicknames to prevent anonymous trolling. RtS |