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03 Apr 17 - 12:52 AM (#3848271) Subject: Lyr Add: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can From: Joe Offer There's a woman who is being ordained a Roman Catholic Womanpriest, and she wants this song sung at her ordination. She had heard Faith Petric sing it years ago, so she wrote to the Harmony list of the San Francisco Folk Music Club for lyrics. I'll try verify and correct the lyrics later. This is what was posted to the Harmony list: If You Haven't Got A Penis Then You Can't Become A Priest Lyric: Dean Morgan To the tune of Turkey in the Straw Well, I know a Catholic woman who's devout to say the least Her major life ambition was to be a parish priest She applied to seminary they told her get on the run The priesthood's just for men, you can only be a nun chorus: If you haven't got a penis then you can't become a priest This archaic stipulation should have long ago been ceased Of God and faith and scripture man and woman both can talk What's more you serve communion with your hands and not your cock. So she went to the monsignor in her never-ending search To find out if there's any place for women in the church He said that we can use them in our hospitals and schools But if you want to be ordained, man, you gotta have some tools Chorus Oh, you might believe in God as much as anybody can And you may know the bible just as much as any man You can't wear the cleric collar, you can't hold the holy chalice You can't celebrate the mass all because you lack a phallus |
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03 Apr 17 - 12:56 AM (#3848273) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: Joe Offer Somebody questioned the validity of the ordination, and this is the answer from the prospective Womanpriest: Dear Denis, The Vatican still holds to the belief that women, because of their composition as females (and lack of a particular appendage), cannot serve in a ministerial capacity. That wasn't always true, and our movement for women's ordination within the Roman Catholic Church has been ordaining women and others who are shut out of the church, including LGBTQ and married applicants, provided they complete the theological studies required. The first six women were ordained by a male archbishop in international waters in the Danube... his identity is not known in the outside world, and I won't find out who he is until my ordination, and then am sworn to secrecy. Father Roy Bourgeois, who founded SOAW, (the School of the Americas Watch) was excommunicated for attending and supporting the ordination of a woman priest (who happens to have been my program companion throughout this period while I was studying for ordination). In early times women were ordained, there are mentions of deaconesses, and in the Catacombs the Priscilla Catacomb shows women wearing the garb and clearly ministering. http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20150224-the-secrets-of-the-catacombs Francis, who is doing amazing work with the original intent of the Palestinian Jew who was a subversive fighter against Empire, has called a commission to study bringing back female deacons. He can only do so much, and I am grateful for the work he is doing. I am a liberation theology child... I learned liberation theology from a priest in the Dominican Republic, was born and lived in Cuba at the time of the Revolution, and went to college in Puerto Rico, where the CIA was a constant companion... For me there is no problem with being a social activist and anarchist/socialist revolutionary and being Roman Catholic, but I think the Roman Catholic Church is wrong on this issue, and an old but still valid concept, the primacy of conscience, allows me to choose to serve now, in whatever way I can. Of course, technically, the official RC Church says that by serving as ordained ministers we are "excommunicating ourselves." Silvia |
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03 Apr 17 - 01:06 AM (#3848274) Subject: RE: ADD: The Priest Song From: Joe Offer Well, I have a few corrections, based on my transcription from Faith Petric's When Did We Have Sauerkraut? album THE PRIEST SONG Lyric: Dean Morgan To the tune of Turkey in the Straw I know a Catholic woman who's devout to say the least Her greatest life ambition was to be a parish priest She went to seminary, they told her, "Get on the run, The priesthood's just for men, you can only be a nun." CHORUS: If you haven't got a penis, then you cannot be a priest, This archaic stipulation should have long ago been ceased; Of God and faith and scripture, men and women both can talk, What's more, you serve communion with your hands and not your cock. So she went to the monsignor in her never-ending search To see if there was any place for women in the church, He said, "Oh, we can use you in the hospitals and schools, But if you wanna be a priest, man, you gotta have some tools." CHORUS Oh, you may believe in God as much as anybody can, And you may know the bible just as much as any man, But you can't wear the cleric collar, you can't hold the holy chalice, You cannot serve communion all because you lack a phallus. CHORUS This is from the Faith Petric recording, and is not a definitive transcription from the original source. Do any of you have other transcriptions from other sources, or from the songwriter? Are we certain of the songwriter's name? |
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03 Apr 17 - 09:55 AM (#3848339) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: Mark Ross The song is sung to the A part of TURKEY IN THE STRAW. The B part isn't used. Mark Ross |
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03 Apr 17 - 10:51 AM (#3848352) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: Mrrzy When I read the thread title it came up automatically to the tune of If you're happy and you know it Then you can't (clap, clap)... |
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03 Apr 17 - 05:17 PM (#3848419) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: topical tom Good song! Is there a video of someone singing it that could be posted? |
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03 Apr 17 - 06:05 PM (#3848426) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: GUEST,Ebor Fiddler This is theology I like! When I did my MA in Theology and Religious Studies in York a few years ago, one of our number wanted to be a Catholic Priest, and none of us, even the Evangelicals, could dig up a theological reason why she shouldn't. Like priestly celibacy, it's a matter of Order and Custom rather than "Jesus said." I don't think however that "If you're etc" (or "Sam Hall" as it's known in the folk world) is really suitable for the song rhythm and scansion. Turkey In The Straw is a much better tune here. More power to your friends elbow Joe. We Anglicans have just about accepted women priests (my sister is one!) but there are still a lot of (much loved) hangouts of all three sexes. Chris B. |
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03 Apr 17 - 08:49 PM (#3848444) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: mg I think it is a cute party song and i am all for women priests, but i can't imagine it should be sung at an ordination for anyone... |
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03 Apr 17 - 09:46 PM (#3848453) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: Joe Offer I think I'd agree, mg. The song has a place, maybe at the reception after the ordination - but ordination to the priesthood or ministry should be distinctly about that calling, not about the issues that impede it. At the ordination itself, all those conflicts should be forgotten for the moment and there should be a good, meaningful celebration of the ordination. We have Womenpriests nearby, and I'm glad they're there. I would like the ordination of women to be officially recognized by the Roman Church, but it hasn't happened yet. I have a friend who is married to a Catholic deacon. She felt called to the priesthood, so she became Lutheran and went to divinity school and was ordained. Now she's dean of all the Lutheran churches in this area - and she'd married to a Catholic deacon. Tom, I've looked all around, but haven't found an online recording of this song. Faith Petric would sing it every year or two at San Francisco's Camp New Harmony, when she was among friends. I don't know if she sang it in concert. I had a great time listening to convert videos, but I didn't find a recording of Faith singing the song other than on her Sauerkraut CD. -Joe- |
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04 Apr 17 - 04:20 AM (#3848484) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: Thompson St Brigid of Kildare was a bishop… |
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04 Apr 17 - 08:22 PM (#3848660) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: GUEST,lou Judson WHY would a woman even want anything to do with the stupid Christians? I think all females shoud resign from the Christian churches, al of them - then how will they get more idiots to serve? I am reading Mists of Avalon, and disvow all interestin organized religion. so forgive ,=me, dear lovers of the Christ. It is all idiocy! All hail Lysistrata! End the wars. :-) |
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04 Apr 17 - 08:44 PM (#3848662) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: Joe Offer Well, there's that, Lou, I guess. If you paint all members of any group with the same brush and then judge each group by its worst members, then I guess they all come out looking pretty bad. But believe it or not, I know some very intelligent Christians, both male and female. I know intelligent non-Christians, too. |
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19 Mar 19 - 07:31 AM (#3983076) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: GUEST Dean Morgan, a Manchester NH political activist and friend, who died many years ago (before videos were common), is the author of these lyrics. I am a Sister of Mercy (nun) and he would sing it in his gigs and dedicate it to me. A friend was at a Cambridge, MA concert and yelled out, "I know her!" Good guy and good musician. |
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19 Mar 19 - 12:34 PM (#3983125) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: beachcomber I don't know the tune of Turkey in the straw but, the meter of that song definitely fits into the tune of "Phil the Fluter's ball" (Percy French) |
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19 Mar 19 - 12:35 PM (#3983126) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: Stringsinger There's an old joke. Two monks emerge from the library in their monastery. They greet the other brothers with excited news. "We just did some research in antiquity and guess what we found out? The word is "celebrate"! |
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20 Mar 19 - 04:11 AM (#3983263) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: Joe Offer I am a Mercy Associate, and I know a number of Sisters of Mercy who would like this song. I'm proud of them. Joe |
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20 Mar 19 - 04:32 AM (#3983272) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: GUEST,akenaton I think priests of either sex would be acceptable, as long as they are married in the conventional sense. If these people are to give guidance on life and how to live it, some practical experience would be an obvious advantage? |
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08 Apr 19 - 03:12 PM (#3986516) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: GUEST The original woman who asked is back again; today's the second anniversary of my ordination and I find my ministry has been more about social justice than anything else... Getting arrested for this, that and the other, still singing, and remembering Faith Petric fondly. I had her over at an event for 100 Thousand Poets for Change a couple of years before she died and stipulated that I wanted her to sing that song, which she did with gusto and brio, in her amazing nineties... For those of you who suggested it should be played at the reception, that is what we did. The ceremony itself was a bit long because it was held in English and Spanish... My bishop was a Colombian woman who flew in and spent a couple of days at my house until it came time to leave. She ministers mostly to female ex-cons in Colombia, who are prevented from working after conviction. Silvia, the "Left" Reverend. |
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08 Apr 19 - 03:24 PM (#3986517) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: Joe Offer Thank you, Silvia. I hope things go well for you as a priest, and I hope for the day when Roman Catholic Womenpriests won't be unusual. -Joe, who studied 8 years at St. Francis Seminary in Milwaukee and then got married- |
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08 Apr 19 - 05:57 PM (#3986547) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: Little Hawk If I may digress for a moment, another thing you can't do if you haven't got a penis is write your name in the snow (or on a handy wall) while peeing outside. |
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08 Apr 19 - 08:21 PM (#3986562) Subject: RE: ADD: If You Haven't Got a Penis then you can't... From: GUEST Little Hawk,allow me to refer to Vance Randolph's collection of Ozark bawdy Folktales Pissing In The Snow. |