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20 Apr 17 - 05:11 PM (#3851496) Subject: Origins: What If the Russians Don't Come? (Hoose) From: Joe Offer I'm working on a database to supplement and explain the Rise Up Singing Songbook. One of the more obscure songs in the book is this one. What with Trump not liking the Russians this week, maybe it's time to resurrect it. WHAT IF THE RUSSIANS DON'T COME? (Philip Hoose) My town has a plan for its civil defense. We’ll all take Route 70 when it gets tense. My wife sewed directions in my underclothes, So I’ll know where to run when the big whistle blows. We had a rehearsal last Saturday night And all things considered our town did all right, Except on the ramp when that truck tried to pass And it took us three hours to clean up the glass. CHORUS: What if the Russians don’t come? What if they like where they’re from? What if they’re not in the mood to invade? What if they’re tired or drunk or afraid? What would we do if their gen’rals just said, “This is dumb.” What if the Russians don’t come? I’ve learned about Russians since I was a tyke And here’s what I know about what they are like They don’t believe in God and they never have fun They’re brain—washed and dull and they all weigh a ton And in the Olympics whenever we meet Their women are men and their judges all cheat But maybe you shouldn’t rely just on me ‘Cause I’ve not seen a Russian except on TV 2nd CHORUS: What if the Russians have lives? What if they’re husbands and wives? If they come home late from work on the bus, And have to fix dinner for children that fuss, They might be too tired to come put us under their thumb What if the Russians don’t come? The president says we’re behind in the race, And we need his new missile just to keep pace. If we don’t stay up with them lap after lap, The Russians will come blow us right off the map. Well I may be dumb, but sometimes I forget What I’ve got against all these folks I ain’t met I can’t figure out why they want World War III Could it be they’re wonderin’ the same about me? 3rd CHORUS What if the Russians are scared? What if they’re all unprepared? Maybe that Ivan's as tired as I am? Tired of worrying about Uncle Sam? Why don't we stop before one of us does something dumb? What if the Russians don't come? ©1983 Phillip M. Hoose. Notes: Phil Hoose, from St. Paul, Minnesota, asks the musical question "What If the Russians Don't Come?" in the following song about East-West Relations. It's available on cassette which also features that soon-to-be country standard "Tonight I Missed Miller Time Again" from Precious Pie Music, 1652 Hewitt Ave., St. Paul MN 55104 (1983 address) Source: Sing Out! Magazine, Volume 30, Number 4, Oct-Nov-Dec 1984, pp. 68-69 Charlie King recording: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlRFE9GFiPQ I'm too lazy to do it now, but I'll transcribe a MIDI on request. joe@mudcat.org |
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20 Apr 17 - 05:17 PM (#3851498) Subject: ADD Version: What If the Russians Don't Come? From: Joe Offer Henry's mysongbook.de has this Scottish version. WHAT IF THE RUSSIANS DON'T COME? (Philip Hoos) Glasgow has a plan for its civil defence So we'd know where to go when things get tense My wife sewed directions in my underclothes I know what to do when the big whistle blows We held a rehearsal last Saturday night And all things considered Glasgow did all right Except for that time when a bus tried to pass It took us three hours to clean up the glass But- What if the Russians don't come What if they like where they're from What if they're not in the mood to invade What if they're tired, or drunk, or afraid What would we do if their generals just said, this is dumb What if the Russians don't come I've heard about Russians since I was a tyke So here's what I know about what they are like They don't believe in God, they don't have no fun They're brainwashed, they're dull, and they all weigh a ton And in the Olympics whenever we meet Their women are men, and their judges all cheat Maybe you shouldn't rely just on me I've not seen a Russian except on TV What if the Russians have lives What if their husbands have wives Who, if they come home late from work on the bus They have to make dinner for children who fuss They may be too tired to come put us under their thumb What if the Russians don't come Our leaders said we're behind in the race We needed those missiles to keep up the pace If we don't stay up there lap after lap The Russians will tumble us right off the map Well, I'm getting slow and sometimes I forget What I've got against all these folks I ain't met I can't understand that they'd want World War Three Could it be they are wondering the same about me What if the Russians are scared What if they're quite unprepared What if poor Ivan's as worried as I am Worried about Maggie and old Uncle Sam Why don't we stop before one of us does something dumb What if the Russians don't come (as sung by Iain MacKintosh) |
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20 Apr 17 - 08:13 PM (#3851515) Subject: RE: Origins: What If the Russians Don't Come? (Hoose) From: Joe Offer Anybody know anything about the songwriter, Phillip Hoose? I found a Wikipedia article on an author named Phillip M. Hoose who now lives in Maine, and another article said he had lived in St. Paul in the 1980s. Same guy? -Joe- |
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21 Apr 17 - 02:50 PM (#3851712) Subject: RE: Origins: What If the Russians Don't Come? (Hoose) From: GUEST Phil Hoose went on to be the author of eleven books, one of which, about Claudette Colvin, won the National Book Award. He indeed wrote the song "what if the Russians Don't come, but he did not record it. Charlie King sang it on Feelings of Fire. And yes, it's time to pull it out of the grave. It's a terrific song. |
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28 Apr 20 - 12:35 PM (#4049133) Subject: RE: Origins: What If the Russians Don't Come? (Hoose) From: GUEST Happy to help however you like. Phil Hoose |
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29 Apr 20 - 09:46 AM (#4049326) Subject: RE: Origins: What If the Russians Don't Come? (Hoose) From: rich-joy I've always loved this song, since being introduced to it in the 80s by Catter, Stewie!! Needs a revival, I reckon :) |
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19 May 20 - 07:57 AM (#4053582) Subject: RE: Origins: What If the Russians Don't Come? (Hoose) From: GUEST,Susanne (skw) Great to be reminded of that one again! In the early Nineties I asked Iain to do it one more time so I could tape it. All he said was, "That song's dead!" I never thought it was, as it doesn't demonstrate a particular enmity but a fairly general mindset. Thanks, Phil! |
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19 May 20 - 10:34 AM (#4053622) Subject: RE: Origins: What If the Russians Don't Come? (Hoose) From: GUEST,Starship Interesting story on p.14 of a book written by Mr Hoose. https://books.google.ca/books?id=D-polOQPQCYC&pg=PA14&lpg=PA14&dq=phillip+hoose,+what+if+the+russians+don%27t+come&source=bl&ots |
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20 May 20 - 05:47 AM (#4053845) Subject: RE: Origins: What If the Russians Don't Come? (Hoose) From: GUEST,Grishka What if the Russians have lives?So had and were Americans when their sons massacred in Vietnam and elsewhere. The immediate message of the song is indeed outdated, because it reflects obsolete ideas about a WWIII and "civil defense". But obviously, war and peace is as acute a problem as ever. The most dangerous warmongers have become more sophisticated, and they sit in every country, including Russia. (May I mention that I went to kindergarten in the Soviet Union, and we had to march around the gym with gymnasic sticks shouldered representing Kalashnikovs or similar. The nanny pretended to be a nice lady, but left no doubt that she cared more for the regime than for us.) |