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01 Feb 18 - 02:45 AM (#3903149) Subject: BS: Irish jokes! From: Bonzo3legs An Irishman was smoking outside the door of a UK pub. A policeman approached him and said that he had to be at least 6feet from the premises he was drinking in when smoking. Paddy said "It's okay, constable. I'm drinking in the bar across the street." |
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01 Feb 18 - 04:39 AM (#3903158) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll Let's see how far this racist attempt at a wind-up gets before a forum fairy puts it where it belongs Jim Carroll |
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01 Feb 18 - 05:42 AM (#3903164) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou Hahaha Jim, you beat me to it! Bonzo, those sort of jokes are avoided nowadays. We Irish (well, I'm half Irish) don't appreciate being mocked as stupid and thick. |
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01 Feb 18 - 05:59 AM (#3903167) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Ernest copied from the 2017 joke thread: "Date: 06 Apr 17 - 12:09 PM German industrialist in a bar sstands up to walk ot and falls flat on his face The barman looks up and says "Schindler's pissed" Jim Carroll " So you are a racist, Jim? |
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01 Feb 18 - 06:14 AM (#3903170) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll The barman looks up and says "Schindler's pissed" can you explain what is the slightest bit racist about that? - in the mind of a racist maybe IN YOUR HEAD.... Jim Carroll |
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01 Feb 18 - 06:18 AM (#3903172) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jos The joke would be just as effective, maybe more so, without the drinker being Irish. To remove the racism, and avoid accusations of 'gender bias', it could be: 'A group of people were drinking outside the door of a UK pub ... A police officer approached them ...' |
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01 Feb 18 - 07:00 AM (#3903179) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll My protest was based. not so much on the joke, which was not particularly funny, not particularly offensive, but on the intention it was put up Bozo is a somewhat mindless wind-up merchant whose 'very small brain' restricts him to making outrageous remarks to get people at each others throats Racism is popular ploy with him, as is a fatuous dispay of assumed superiority Jim Carroll |
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01 Feb 18 - 07:31 AM (#3903186) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou Well, if Bonzo likes winding people up, there's no reason why he can't do it. It's a rather easy game to play I would have thought. And we're not at each other's throats (not yet anyway!) Jos is right, one can remove the 'Irish' and 'man' from the joke and make it PC. |
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01 Feb 18 - 07:42 AM (#3903188) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Dave the Gnome The joke bit of it has already been removed... :D tG |
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01 Feb 18 - 08:12 AM (#3903191) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Bonzo3legs interesting! |
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01 Feb 18 - 10:08 AM (#3903212) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jeri We have B'zo who enjoys winding people up, and then, we have people who enjoy being wound up. Seems consensual. The first "Irish" joke has nothing to do with "Irish". The thread title was intended to poke vulnerable people, and was slightly successful. The joke wouldn't have been less funny as: A person was smoking outside the door of a pub. A police-person approached them and said that they had to be at least 6 feet from the premises they were drinking in when smoking. The person said "It's okay, constable. I'm drinking in the bar across the street." (I took the liberty of fixing the gender specificity. You're welcome.) |
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01 Feb 18 - 10:16 AM (#3903216) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll The title that Bozo chose for the thread says all that needs to be said about his objective Jim Carroll |
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01 Feb 18 - 10:18 AM (#3903217) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jeri And the fact that you were the first to respond, lets him know he hit his target. |
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01 Feb 18 - 10:44 AM (#3903220) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Georgiansilver Senoufou... this ones for you!. Two English guys walk into an Irish pub. One goes to the bar, orders drinks and says to the barman 'Hey Mick, did you know that your Saint Patrick was an Englishman' ?. The Irishman being wise, played it down by saying ' To be sure sir, I didn't know that!'. English went back to his seat and told his friend he had tried to wind up the barman but had failed. 2nd Irishman goes to bar half an hour later. Says to the Irish barman, 'Did you know that your Saint Patrick, was the thickest idiot that ever lived'~? The wise Irish barman replied ' To be sure sir, your friend already told me that! |
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01 Feb 18 - 11:05 AM (#3903226) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: meself Would anyone mind if I start a thread about jokes about Black people? I remember some from my childhood - they seemed funny back then .... |
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01 Feb 18 - 11:37 AM (#3903232) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jeri If you did that, people might have the same opinion of you that they have of Bonzo. |
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01 Feb 18 - 12:10 PM (#3903236) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll "And the fact that you were the first to respond, " Thought I might nip it inthe bud Mea culpa Jim Carroll |
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01 Feb 18 - 01:22 PM (#3903245) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou Well I dived in as well, just after Jim. Georgiansilver, don't forget I'm half English too! hee hee I well remember in my Uni days giggling like anything at various very rude 'Rasta' jokes. (Wasn't his lady friend called 'Liza?) and watching the Black and White Minstrels (who were boring but my parents liked the old songs) Nowadays, stereotype-jokes are avoided, and perhaps it's for the best. I like a good laugh, but I'd never want to offend or upset anyone. |
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01 Feb 18 - 01:35 PM (#3903250) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Steve Shaw My favourite foreigner joke, harmless to boot! I was at the Olympics and I met a bloke carrying a very long stick. "Are you a pole vaulter?" I asked him. "No, I'm a German, but how did you know my name is Walter?" (It's a shite joke unless you pronounce "Walter" in German, by the way) |
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01 Feb 18 - 01:43 PM (#3903251) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Bonzo3legs Perhaps I should have just posted a gypsy joke! |
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01 Feb 18 - 01:47 PM (#3903255) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Bonzo3legs 40 gypsies arrive at the gates of heaven and St Peter walks up to them and says "there is only room for 12 of you so discus with each other who is coming in". A little while later St Peter goes back to God - "they have gone" "what!? all 40!?" God shouts out in rage and St Peter replies "yep and so have the gates" |
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01 Feb 18 - 01:52 PM (#3903259) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Iains No doubt the touch paper is now glowing! |
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01 Feb 18 - 02:02 PM (#3903263) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou Yes! Stand well clear...!! |
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01 Feb 18 - 02:02 PM (#3903264) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Ernest Jim, it must be in your head... you are trying to tell me that a joke about a drunken Irishman is racist while a joke about a drunken German is not. |
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01 Feb 18 - 02:04 PM (#3903265) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Bonzo3legs A man with tall trees in his garden decided to have them cut down, so he put a notice on his gate - Tree Fellers wanted. An hour later 3 Irish men walked by the notice and knocked on the man’s door. When he opened the door, one of the Irish said “you’re looking for tree fellas so here we are” !!!!!!!!! |
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01 Feb 18 - 02:06 PM (#3903266) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: meself There is nothing remotely "racist" about that German joke, Ernest - as you well know. |
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01 Feb 18 - 02:06 PM (#3903267) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Backwoodsman Hoops, people. It's not compulsory to jump through them. |
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01 Feb 18 - 02:08 PM (#3903268) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll "you are trying to tell me that a joke about a drunken Irishman is racist while a joke about a drunken German is not." Of cours it's not if the nationality of the character has no bearing on the joke Do you really not know who Oskar Schindler was? It's a ****** pun - "Schindler's List" - Schindler's pissed Not as funny when you have to explain it to eeits Jeeze Jim Carroll |
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01 Feb 18 - 02:50 PM (#3903272) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll "Hoops, people. It's not compulsory to jump through them." No - but it's fun - for a time Jim Carroll |
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01 Feb 18 - 03:25 PM (#3903278) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou Oh show me a hoop and through I leap! What is life if one can't jump through some hoops? |
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01 Feb 18 - 03:46 PM (#3903285) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Backwoodsman You must be fitter than me, Sen! ?? |
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01 Feb 18 - 03:54 PM (#3903288) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou Heh heh Backwoodsman. Nah. My husband says I'm very out of condition, due to far too many crumpets with butter. And there isn't a hoop large enough to go over my...er...rear end. |
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01 Feb 18 - 04:26 PM (#3903297) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Backwoodsman LOL! That conjures up quite an image... ???? |
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01 Feb 18 - 06:33 PM (#3903315) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Joe_F Pat, a strapping young Irishman, goes to a construction site & inquires about a job that he has seen in the want ads. The foreman frowns: "This isn't a job for common laborer. You have to have the knowledge. You have to know a joist from a girder." "Sure and I have the knowledge," says Pat, "Joist wrote Ulysses, and Girder wrote Faust." |
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01 Feb 18 - 08:28 PM (#3903327) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: mg I did not find the first Irish one offensive. I find the reference to Schindler's list offensive...I can't bring myself to chuckle at the Holocaust. |
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01 Feb 18 - 10:50 PM (#3903345) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Rapparee An old one, but a good one: Leigh anois go curamach ar do scrudphapeir na treoiracha agus na ceisteanna a ghabhann le cuid Á. |
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01 Feb 18 - 11:12 PM (#3903347) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Rapparee Bhí Pádraig agus Michéal sa teach tabhairne ag ól agus bhí siad go maith. Bhí siad ag feachaint tríd an bhfuinneog ar an teach transna an bhóthair. Teach flapachain b'ea é. Thánig duine nó béirt, ó am go ham, agus tríd sa doras t¡ leo. Ansin chonaic Pádraig an tUrramach Protastantúnach ag teacht agus isteach sa teach leis. "An bhfuil sé gan náire, fear Dia mar sin?", arsa Michéal. Ansin tagann Raibi Giudach agus isteach sa theach leis. "An bhfuil sé gan náire, fear Dia mar sin?", arsa Pádraig. Ó bhí sé ag éirí deanach, d'éirigh Pádraig is Michéal, d'fhág siad síneadh láimhe, agus amach leo. Ansin chonaic siad an sagart ag teacht agus isteach sa teach leis. "Is trua sin", arsa an bhéirt. "Is doigh liom go bhfuil duine de na caíliní bochta istigh tinn. Tá an sagart ag dul a cuir Óla Dheanach uirthi." |
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02 Feb 18 - 02:16 AM (#3903354) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: DMcG Brilliant, Rap, that really made me laugh. And I don't understand a word of them. |
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02 Feb 18 - 02:53 AM (#3903356) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Dave the Gnome Aaaaggghhhhh! The Schindler joke is neither racist nor anything to do with the holocaust. it is a pun. A play on words. List/Pissed. As I often comment, it seems some people speak a different English to others. If nothing else this thread may help to highlight that fact. DtG |
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02 Feb 18 - 03:16 AM (#3903358) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Bonzo3legs Who is anyone to pontificate that a joke is racist??? The whole point is to make people laugh. |
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02 Feb 18 - 03:30 AM (#3903360) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll " I find the reference to Schindler's list offensive..." Maybe not - many people don't like 'dark humour' yet it's common enough, among soldiers particularly - I happen to like that sort of humpur - I've put numerous ones up on the joke threads Basically, it's not about the Holocaust anyway, it's about a film title - Thomas Keneally's book on which the film was based is entitled Shchindler's Ark Whatever the joke is, it is not racist. Racist humour is designed to take the piss out of entire races or ethnic communities by presenting them a stereotypically, dirty, stupid, dishonest, treacherous..... In the case of Irish jokes, stupidity and cultural backwardness is the recurring theme, SEE HERE The Schindler joke does none of those things There are thousands of jokes about nationalities, some of them deliberately racist, others complementary - the best satire is based on it Jim Carroll |
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02 Feb 18 - 04:37 AM (#3903368) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Doug Chadwick Just to redress the balance:- A man goes into a pub in Ireland and asks for a pint of Guinness. "Guinness?" says the barman, "Do you know how long that takes to pour? I've got other customers waiting". He gets his pint and offers a 20 Euro note."Have you not got anything smaller? We've only just opened. You're going to take all my change". After a while sitting in silence, the man asks the barman if they ever have any music on. "Music?" he replies, "this is a pub. It's for drinking. People sitting round listening to music cut into my profits". Taken aback, the man says "I thought pubs were supposed to be friendly in Ireland". "Ah well," says the barman, "that's because we are an English theme pub". DC |
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02 Feb 18 - 05:00 AM (#3903374) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Ernest ok, I have to explain it again: In my mind neither the Schindler joke nor the Irishman joke are racist. Only according to Jims initial statement (second post of this thread) they are. As Jim stated later on: "Racist humour is designed to take the piss out of entire races or ethnic communities by presenting them a stereotypically, dirty, stupid, dishonest, treacherous..... In the case of Irish jokes, stupidity and cultural backwardness is the recurring theme2". This also doesn´t apply to the thread-opening joke - on the contrary, the Irishman in question gives the policeman a clever answer. Did anyone understand the irony in my first post? |
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02 Feb 18 - 05:22 AM (#3903376) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Dave the Gnome Did anyone understand the irony in my first post? I guess not. Like jokes, if you need to explain, it is not worth telling. DtG |
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02 Feb 18 - 06:12 AM (#3903382) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll "gives the policeman a clever answer." Clever - Really??? Sound's pretty stupid to me In context of who posted it, I have little doubt iof what was intended His reputation goes before him Pleaed we are in agreement about the Schindler Joke Jim Carroll |
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02 Feb 18 - 06:19 AM (#3903384) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou I think, rather than the using the word 'racist' quite so much these days, the expression 'in poor taste' fits the situation better. To me, jokes about Schindler (who like it or not was involved in saving Jews from the death camps) are in poor taste. So are jokes implying that the Irish are thick, and mocking their accent etc. There are jokes about the elderly, about 'blondes' (ditsy etc) and they could all be said to be in poor taste. They could still make one laugh, but if they upset someone, then better not use them. |
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02 Feb 18 - 06:36 AM (#3903388) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: mg we are not in agreement about the schindler joke. |
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02 Feb 18 - 06:47 AM (#3903393) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Dave the Gnome But it is not a joke about Schindler. It is a play on words on the book and film Schindler's List. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub. The barman said 'Is this some kind of joke?'. This is not a joke about Englishmen, Irishmen, Scotsmen or barmen. It is not racist even though it mentions nationalities nor is it it sexist because it does not say English person etc. It is not stereotyping, it is a joke about a joke. I am sure someone will take offense though... Ernest. Did you ever hear someone say 'Oh yes, he is a very clever person' and fully understand that it was not their intention to praise them? DtG |
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02 Feb 18 - 07:19 AM (#3903397) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll "we are not in agreement about the Schindler joke." You think it's racist then? Explain why 'in poor taste' I agree Sen, all 'dark humour' is in poor taste Sen - that's why some people find it funny There' a whole psychological science around why people feel certain things funny MacColl and Seeger recorded jokes from miners for the programme 'The Big Hewer', at least half of them were about pit accidents and lung diseases. A typical one from the North east was about the 'Bevin Boys' - young unemployed schoool leavers who were put to work in the pits during WW2 - remombered among miners for their inexperience. It was the practice in the pits that if a fatality occured, the men would be given a day off in respect for the deceased "Two of these Bevin Boys were sent down to help look for survivors after a pit-fall - they discovered two dead miners in the rubble. One said to the other, "Tell you what, let's take one up now and leave the other till later, then we can have two days off" The miners on the recording found that hilarious There are dozens of these on a tape I was given by Ewan. Trench humour even appeared in cartoon form during WW1 - I got dozens of 'dark jokes' from a WW1 veteran, the first time I ever went out with a tape recorder Some of the Norfolk fishermen gave us jokes about sinking fishing boats Folklorist, Gershon Legman, devoted a whole section of one of his book to necrophobic sex I hear many from Jewish friends when I lived in Manchester Maybe I might have found them offensive when told by non-Jews, but as jokes, they were a very strong part of Jewish culture among those I knw All this is 'dark' stuff and not to e=everybody's taste - I think it is described as "survival humour" - a way of coping with dangerous occupations and situations - not to everyone's taste admittedly Jim Carroll |
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02 Feb 18 - 07:22 AM (#3903398) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: mg i do not see how you can tolerate the schindler joke and get all offended about something i find innocuous in the irish one ..and i am of irish descent. i would not call it racist but rather just horrid in general. |
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02 Feb 18 - 07:31 AM (#3903400) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou I agree with what you say, Jim and Dave. It's all about taste and the audience who are hearing the jokes. The very name Schindler evokes the Holocaust to some. Dark humour has its place though, in discharging tensions and helping people to cope. I just feel one has to consider the recipients of certain jokes so as to avoid offence. Being aware is the key. And people seem to be more sensitive nowadays, almost on the lookout for racism, sexism et al in order to complain. A bit 'snowflaky' in some ways. An example:- My grandfather fought in WW1, and when I was very small he often used to relate seeing his comrade's head getting shot off, and as it rolled away he said it 'winked' at him. He thought this was hilariously funny, and no-one asked him to stop telling me, a little girl, over and over about it. We were more robust in days gone by. |
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02 Feb 18 - 08:35 AM (#3903410) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll "i do not see how you can tolerate the schindler joke and get all offended about something" It really isn't about my being 'offended' - the argument is whether one is racist or not The name Schindler invokes the Holocaust in some - it provokes argument with others; some have argued that Schindler profited by the use of free Jewish Labour - not a stance I take, by the way His name was largely forgotten until Thomas Kenneally published his book; he was first recognised by Israel nearly two decades after the War ended. It took a blockbuster Hollywood film, by a major director to even recognise his mane. My sole concern in posting my objection was based on the OPs record of trolling by making outrageous statements As it is, I'm delighted with the opportunity it has provided to discuss humour in this manner - a subject that, related to my interest in the tradition, consumes a great deal of my work Jim Carroll |
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02 Feb 18 - 08:38 AM (#3903412) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Mrrzy I put the funny joke I learned on the Star Trek cruise on the other thread. I heard a Borg joke - what's a Borg's favorite art form? I thought the answer would be Art is irrelevant but it was Cubism. Racist and funny IS possible. |
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02 Feb 18 - 08:45 AM (#3903415) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Dave the Gnome 1970?s comedy writers apologise for not accurately predicting which jokes would be acceptable in 2018 :D tG |
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02 Feb 18 - 08:55 AM (#3903418) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Rapparee I have several books of jokes about the Irish -- published in Ireland (that is, the Republic) by Irish publishers. The Irish folks I know find them funny. |
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02 Feb 18 - 09:05 AM (#3903421) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou Humour is a funny thing isn't it? (no joke intended) There have been screeds of analyses of what makes people laugh and why. It's a fascinating subject. And as shown by Dave's clickie, times change and humour which was once hilarious becomes a bit non-PC. I remember the series 'It Ain't 'Alf 'Ot Mum' where the sergeant-major called one of the squad 'poof' numerous times. And the punkah-wallah was actually a white bloke blacked-up. How we laughed... And Mrs Slocum's pussy. And every Carry On film ever made. Not to mention Benny Hill. And Julie Walters' 'elderly waitress' character. I spend much of my life chuckling, but even I notice that one has to be careful of others' feelings. |
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02 Feb 18 - 09:09 AM (#3903422) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Dave the Gnome I think as many people go out of their way to be offended as set out to deliberately offend people. Just my view. DtG |
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02 Feb 18 - 09:15 AM (#3903424) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou I know Dave, it's as if they're constantly playing 'Spot The Insult' for a cash prize! It's rather akin to the objections to wolf-whistles and not opening doors for women any more. The world is constantly changing. As pocket philosophers say, 'This too shall pass'. |
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02 Feb 18 - 09:22 AM (#3903428) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll "I think as many people go out of their way to be offended" I don't know many, if any I know plenty who consider some things more than others do and end up being labelled PC Different thing altogether "published in Ireland (that is, the Republic) by Irish publishers. " Quite often compiled by Irish Americans - it's referred to as "the Irish Uncle Tom syndrome" America produces 'Polak' jokes or "hillbilly" in the same way - there are still - "acceptable racism" Jim Carroll |
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02 Feb 18 - 09:59 AM (#3903438) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Dave the Gnome Oh but you do, Jim. There are some on here who take offense at anything and everything you say for a start. Well, pretend to anyway ;-) DtG |
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02 Feb 18 - 10:10 AM (#3903441) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll "There are some on here who take offense at anything and everything you say for a start." I'm happy to give them cause to do so Dave - stops me nodding off over the keyboard Seriously, I know very few people who deliberately set out to take offence - that is a sign of insecurity Back to the point Gradually people are relising the hurtful, even dangerous weapon some types of humour can be Since the Savile/Weinstein news hit the fan, there has been a conscious effort to curb sexist humour - the more revelations, the greater the objection I doubt if there are many "Mummy, mummy, I've been graped" type jokes around following the paedphile scandals hit the fan - they were common in the workplace throughout my working life I'm far from a PC prude, but it really is about time society cleaned up its act Jim Carroll |
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02 Feb 18 - 11:03 AM (#3903453) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Mrrzy I guess I know a lot of insecure people. I am having an argument over whether one can compare racism and sexism, I am on the Yes side. Sigh. Some people need their senses of humor back. And some jokes might just not be funny. It may not be racism or anti-semetism to bring up Schindler, but that name is likely to be associated with things that aren't (yet? Who said comedy=tragedy+time?) funny to a lot of people. On the other hand, I find a lot of things funny that others don't. I like life better that way. |
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02 Feb 18 - 11:21 AM (#3903459) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jackaroodave I agree that "offensive" is not a useful or accurate term. It summons up the image of Margaret Dumont getting huffy with Groucho Marx. But I wouldn't call a racist joke "poor taste" either. Tim Lehrer's song about necrophilia, "I Hold Your Hand in Mine" is in (deliberate) poor taste. Telling poop jokes at the dinner table is offensive (to me anyway). Racist jokes are cruel, and historically, like racial epithets, they have been a tool for social control--for ingroup solidarity and for teaching outgroups to "know their place." I can recall ni**er jokes, jokes about Asians, Jews, Polacks, and hillbillies from my youth, told not even with a mock apology, but with a knowing wink and a grin. I'm very thankful that in the company I keep, it's no longer acceptable to do so. |
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02 Feb 18 - 03:01 PM (#3903503) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: gnu Figured I'd open this thread and get a laugh or two. Nope. Same old Mudcat. Oh, well. Back to Facebook. |
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02 Feb 18 - 03:27 PM (#3903511) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Dave the Gnome Oh, c'mon gnu. You know you love us :-) DtG |
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02 Feb 18 - 03:34 PM (#3903514) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou And we love you too! |
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02 Feb 18 - 04:06 PM (#3903519) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Bonzo3legs An Englishman visiting an Irish village in the middle of nowhere noticed some roads had single yellow lines, and some had double yellow lines. He asked a local sitting outside the pub to explain the difference between single and double yellow lines. The local said " well, a single yellow line means no parking at all, and a double yellow lines means no parking at all, at all!!! |
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02 Feb 18 - 05:00 PM (#3903524) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Iains From what I have seen of parking in Ireland, it is not so much parking as abandonment of vehicles. In west Cork a single yellow line is taken to mean" please park here", and a double yellow line means double parking allowed, especially on market days. |
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02 Feb 18 - 05:08 PM (#3903525) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll "it is not so much parking as abandonment " I really don't know wheer this garbage comes from Having lived in London for thirty years where parking was a serious barrier to earning a living and no, after twenty years in Ireland, where |
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02 Feb 18 - 05:13 PM (#3903527) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll where the use of a car is a necessity, and is recognised as such by the authorities, I have no hesitation in choosing wheer is the most pleasant and convenient place to live Parking in Britain is somewhere between predatory business and a blood sport - stereotyping bullshit like this is an indication of people who don't have to earn their living from the use of a vehicle For a major city, Cork has no major traffic problem - unlike any city in Britain Jim Carroll |
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02 Feb 18 - 05:24 PM (#3903529) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Bonzo3legs The cork is no problem at all at all once it's out of the bottle!! |
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02 Feb 18 - 05:35 PM (#3903530) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Mrrzy Now that is funny. The rental place in Ireland was amazed that we Yanks brought the car back undamaged... had apparently never yet happened. But I was taught to drive by French West African traffic, maybe that helped, though I only drove every other day. |
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02 Feb 18 - 05:43 PM (#3903535) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Iains " stereotyping bullshit like this is an indication of people who don't have to earn their living from the use of a vehicle" I guess you walk around with your eyes shut. Maybe that is why you are so miserable. |
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02 Feb 18 - 07:31 PM (#3903545) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Steve Shaw Jim hasn't got a miserable bone on his body. Just been to the ballet at Theatre Royal in Plymouth. Parking for the evening show has just cost me six quid, and that was after queuing at the car park ticket machine in a cold street for half an hour as everyone came out at once. The bastards. |
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02 Feb 18 - 09:02 PM (#3903559) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Steve Shaw Not the theatre-goers, I hasten to add. Plymouth City Council. Cynical moneygrabbing gits. |
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02 Feb 18 - 10:40 PM (#3903567) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: robomatic I was visiting an American friend in Munich, in his flat, with a German friend when the subject of ethnic jokes came up. My American friend made the comment that Americans tell Polish jokes. With no hint of a smile the German guy said: "Vee do not find ze Poles to be zat Humorous!" Maybe you had to be there. |
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03 Feb 18 - 03:51 AM (#3903582) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou Many years ago one of my friends, Ronda, had a German boyfriend. He was called Hans-Werner, and never have I met a more humourless individual. He was a banker from Munich and had the characteristic that, if asked his opinion, he just gave it, no holds barred. We were all going out to dinner together, and Ronda appeared in a very nice outfit. She had bright red hair and always looked super. She foolishly asked him if he liked her dress. He replied, "You are much too fett Ronda, und so it is much too teit. You need to loosss a lot ov weight." We called him Hans, Knees and Boomps-a-daisy behind his back. |
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03 Feb 18 - 04:15 AM (#3903586) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll "Maybe that is why you are so miserable." Nom me who has to go through life talking down to individuals and other races to prove prove I am superior Nothing misrable about my life or my music - on the contrary - I'll end my life happy hoping that others will be lucky enough to do the same Jim Carroll |
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03 Feb 18 - 06:06 AM (#3903604) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Georgiansilver Mrs Murphys' husband Mick, worked at the Guinness Brewery in Dublin. The police (guarda) arrived at her door which she answered. 'To be sure Mrs Murphy, we have to tell you that your husband Mick died this afternoon in a vat of Guinness' said one of the men. 'OH NO' said Mrs Murphy. 'Did he die quickly'?..... 'No' said the Guarda man. 'He got out three times for a pee' |
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03 Feb 18 - 06:17 AM (#3903605) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Bonzo3legs Great Irish joke!!! |
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03 Feb 18 - 06:28 AM (#3903608) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll "Great Irish joke!!!" In reference to the "miserable" accusation earlier, surely the most miserable people on the planet are those who need to seek out racial or social inferiors to justify their own existence Anonymous trolls who are too ashamed to reveal their identity are surely the lowes form of this spevies Jim Carroll |
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03 Feb 18 - 06:55 AM (#3903609) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Steve Shaw "He was called Hans-Werner" Look, no Henze? (Cultural joke...) |
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03 Feb 18 - 12:00 PM (#3903631) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou Hahaha Steve! I used to be polite and speak a bit of German to him. When Ronda finally dumped him (and who could blame her?) he had the absolute cheek to ask her for my phone number, as he said he actually fancied me more than her! Not just a banker but a w*****!! |
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03 Feb 18 - 12:16 PM (#3903637) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou Maybe if he'd been a composer of music he'd have been more bearable. |
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03 Feb 18 - 12:46 PM (#3903645) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Dave the Gnome We knew German bloke called Herman who loved swimming. Always referred to as Herman the German merman. And my Dad always had Polo mints on him which he often offered round so his work colleagues used variations of the Pole with a mint - Honest! :D tG |
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03 Feb 18 - 12:59 PM (#3903646) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou Pole O'Mint - of Polish/Irish extraction. It's most annoying when people make jokes about 'thick' Irish folk. My mother (from Cork, with an extremely Irish name!) was a very very intelligent woman, and witty with it. She had a wonderful way with words and could imitate any accent perfectly. She also made us laugh with puns and wordplay, and could do difficult crosswords at breakneck speed. All her family were the same. And my nieces have inherited these traits too. |
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03 Feb 18 - 01:09 PM (#3903649) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Thompson Still waiting to read a joke on this thread that makes me laugh. The "people have lost their sense of humour" trope always reminds me of a piece I read many years back by a woman who was treated to many jokes about her breasts by the engineers in her workplace. If I have the story right, she came in one day with a T-shirt with "CRANE" printed on the front, over her bosom. Some of the men came up and asked her what it meant, and she said that it was because it was useful for erecting penises. They didn't find it funny. She was sacked. |
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03 Feb 18 - 01:45 PM (#3903655) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Bonzo3legs African joke - If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS. |
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03 Feb 18 - 01:58 PM (#3903659) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Steve Shaw Not nice, Bonzo, not funny, not appropriate, not tasteful. |
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03 Feb 18 - 02:30 PM (#3903661) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou Bonzo that is absolutely disgusting and I'm surprised at your insensitivity. My husband's young brother died of malaria. How could you post something so cruel!!!!!!! |
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03 Feb 18 - 03:14 PM (#3903666) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jim Carroll What do you people expect For crying ot loud let him strew in his own swill - you're just giving him what he wants - he's using you to get himself off Jim Carroll |
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03 Feb 18 - 03:31 PM (#3903669) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Bonzo3legs It’s not my joke, it’s Jimmy Carr’s. |
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03 Feb 18 - 05:45 PM (#3903686) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Bonzo3legs Jimmy Carr's mosquito nets joke!!! |
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03 Feb 18 - 05:50 PM (#3903688) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Bonzo3legs In reality it's just Jimmy Carr playing on words and how they're structured in a sentence. He does it all the time and is a master at it.? |
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03 Feb 18 - 07:13 PM (#3903695) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: meself Oh! That makes it okay, then .............................. |
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03 Feb 18 - 11:20 PM (#3903715) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: robomatic Rollo is telling mule-skinner jokes to Ryan, who is a mule skinner. Finally Ryan's had enough. "Listen, give me a break, tell me a joke about people other than mule skinners!" Rollo: "Okay, who do you want in the joke, then?" Ryan: "Oh, make it about saddle tramps. Can you do that for me?" Rollo: "Certainly my man, okay, let's see. Got it! There's these two saddle tramps, see?" Ryan: "Yeah?" Rollo: "And they're skinnin' this mule, see?" . . . |
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04 Feb 18 - 02:39 AM (#3903716) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Rob Naylor When I worked in Ireland the locals I worked with constantly told the same "jokes" I knew ad Irish jokes.... But with Kerrymen as the target! Go figure. |
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04 Feb 18 - 04:44 AM (#3903727) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Georgiansilver Murphy came home to his Mrs and said 'Did you know that O'Reilly next door got a vasectomy""? She replied ~" Nooo, he didn't keep his Nissan long then'!!! |
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04 Feb 18 - 04:49 AM (#3903728) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Bonzo3legs My goodness Senoufou, I'm so sorry about your brother in law, no wonder you are upset by my post, it was just a play on words written by a comedian. |
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04 Feb 18 - 06:21 AM (#3903738) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou That's okay Bonzo. I've always liked you and I'm glad you meant no harm. I've enjoyed all the funny jokes on here. It's like pulling Christmas crackers and reading the jokes inside. Oh, and 100. (No, not my age, post number 100! |
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04 Feb 18 - 06:45 AM (#3903742) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Kenny B (inactive) During Jesus's tour of Ireland a woman was crouching in a corner with a crowd around her preparing to stone her to death. Jesus stopped them and said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fired off a stone at the adulteress. At which point Jesus looked over and said, "Mother! Sometimes you really pis me off!". That should really appeal to the Mudcat "Wee Frees" They will be banning fighting and cannibalism next and even posting on Mudcat a view contrary to theirs |
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04 Feb 18 - 06:46 AM (#3903743) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Bonzo3legs Thanks Senoufou, that's a relief! We are off to see our dentist for some torture - on a Sunday??? |
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04 Feb 18 - 07:15 AM (#3903746) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jackaroodave Kenny B's joke about Mary's immaculate conception sounds like a Catholic insider joke to me, since without a knowledge of that dogma, it has no point. As such, except for the superfluous first five words, I enjoyed it, though not a Catholic; theological jokes are rare on the ground. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immaculate_Conception |
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04 Feb 18 - 07:47 AM (#3903750) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou Oh my Lord Bonzo, a dentist is no joke, especially on a Sunday. Good luck with that! |
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04 Feb 18 - 08:08 AM (#3903757) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jackaroodave Kenny B: "That should really appeal to the Mudcat "Wee Frees" They will be banning fighting and cannibalism next and even posting on Mudcat a view contrary to theirs" I was puzzled by the reference to the Free Presbyterian Church, so I went to their website to check on their views about the Immaculate Conception, but it was closed for the Sabbath. No joke. Question: Is Cannibalism allowed on mudcat? It would seem that Cannibalism should be allowed. As Herodotus testifies, "When Darius was king of Persia, he summoned the Greeks at his court, and asked them what they would take to eat the dead bodies of their fathers. They replied that they would not do it for any money in the world. Later, in the presence of the Greeks, he asked some Indians, Callatiae, who do in fact eat their parents' dead bodies, what they would take to burn them. They uttered a cry of horror and forbade him to mention such a dreadful thing. One can see by this what custom can do." On the contrary, Cannibalism is not allowed, for as the learned doctors Swan and Flanders note, "Eating people is wrong." |
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04 Feb 18 - 08:24 AM (#3903759) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Senoufou Protestants in general and particularly the Wee Frees do NOT subscribe to the doctrine of the Immaculate Conception. There is no scripture to support it, and they believe that only Jesus was conceived without 'sin'. I was much amused Jackaroodave (but not surprised) to see that their website is closed on a Sunday! When I lived in Edinburgh as a student, I lodged for a time with a Presbyterian family, and one Sunday foolishly did a bit of hand-washing of underwear in my little sink. When I went outside to hang it on the washing line, all hell broke loose. One would think I was dancing naked in the garden. I was told in no uncertain terms never, ever to do such a wicked thing again. With trembling hand I unpegged my little vest, knickers and bra and slunk indoors. |
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04 Feb 18 - 08:50 AM (#3903766) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jackaroodave That's what I suspected, Senoufou. So if the joke is also a dig at the PFC and other Protestants, it has more layers than I thought. When I was active in the Portland (Maine) Food Co-Op buying club, I picked up and delivered a friend's order on Passover as a Pesach goy. Not quite a Shabbos goy, but similar. |
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04 Feb 18 - 08:51 AM (#3903767) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Kenny B (inactive) Thanks Jackaroodave for your post and your comment about Flanders and Swann , spot on My Mudcat "Wee Frees" should have been "Mudcat Wee Frees" I think you know who I mean. My comment was about the attitude of banning anything enjoyable rather than anything religious. I would refer those who don't know about it to the song The story that I started at the Kirk Soiree I'm sure Flanders and Swann would have appreciated this too |
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04 Feb 18 - 09:05 AM (#3903771) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Mrrzy Um, it was Mary, not Jesus, who was coceived immaculately. That is why she could be the mother of god. If you buy into any of that. I just got to visit our old family friend who was the Peace Corps doctor who saved my life when I got malaria in the 60s. I should have died, they all said. I am in the field that finds "in poor taste" and "offensive" to be fairly synonymous. But what is funny about jokes that aren't poking fun at *something*? |
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04 Feb 18 - 09:08 AM (#3903772) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jackaroodave Well, as long as it's Sunday, in the interest of ecumenicism: As a Buddhist, I found these two pretty funny. Q. What did the Buddhist say to the sandwich vendor at the ball game? A. Make me one with everything! . . . . . . . . . . . After the man received his sandwich, he gave the vendor a $20 bill. The vendor just smiled. The Buddhist demanded, "Where is my change?" The vendor replied, "O, one with everything, change comes from within." |
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04 Feb 18 - 09:12 AM (#3903773) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Jackaroodave Mrrzy: "Um, it was Mary, not Jesus, who was coceived immaculately." Yes, Mary's conception without Original Sin is the whole point of the joke. As a former teacher, I could empathize with Jesus' thinking, "The ONE person who ever lived who could spoil my lesson, and she shows up." |
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04 Feb 18 - 05:56 PM (#3903832) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Donuel Libertarian people of no race whatsoever have the freedom to be offended by everything. Extinct races like the Tasmanians have nothing to say or be offended about. The Irish race to procreate aggravates the advocates of pedigree and class but there isn't a mongrel from Donegal who is neither comical or prodigal when asked. |
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05 Feb 18 - 09:23 AM (#3903899) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Vic Smith Here's one that did make me laugh? What's black and blue and floats in the Irish Sea? People who tell Irish jokes!" |
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05 Feb 18 - 10:22 AM (#3903917) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Mrrzy OK, puns are funny and don't poke fun an anyone. But most jokes do, yet many of them are funny and in poor taste/offensive. I still don't find most terrorism jokes funny, but that doesn't mean I think nobody should be allowed to tell them. People who know me don't tell them to me, and that's enough. By the same token, keep your sexist and racist jokes out of the office, but not necessarily out of your lives, if they are funny, the jokes I mean, not your lives. Why don't women have brains? Because they don't have a penis to carry'm around in! is a funny joke you can't tell at the office, even though it is funny. Yes it's sexist, but it's still funny. |
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06 Feb 18 - 03:59 AM (#3904039) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: BobL It was, IIRC, Dave Allen who explained during a discussion on such jokes that, in essence, the Irish have two languages, and that "Irishisms" happen when English words are given the connotations of their Gaelic equivalents or vice versa. Which is interesting as the same could be said of at least some other butt-of-jokes nationalities - e.g. Belgians, Newfoundlanders. However the doesn't seem to apply to the Swiss. Neither does it explain the story of the Irishman who cut the end off an overlong extending ladder - which the manager of the hire shop swore was true. |
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06 Feb 18 - 04:05 PM (#3904172) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Mrrzy My favorite Belgian joke-from-the-French-point-of-view involves fries, of course, and cannot be told, it must be acted out. |
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06 Feb 18 - 05:35 PM (#3904188) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Donuel I know what is funny. Its when someone else falls down a manhole or telling Don Rickle jokes to a restrained Jim Carrol until he laughs. |
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06 Feb 18 - 06:15 PM (#3904194) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Kenny B (inactive) I didn't know he was into BDSM |
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06 Feb 18 - 08:06 PM (#3904202) Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes! From: Donuel Make it a locked room then . No 50 shades reference intended, ick. |