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ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)

05 Feb 19 - 12:14 AM (#3974896)
Subject: Add: Rime of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: Joe Offer

      This is an edited PermaThread®, used for a special project - collecting the songs of Holly Tannen. This thread will be moderated. Feel free to post to this thread, but remember that all messages posted here are subject to editing or deletion. Editors of this thread are Joe Offer and Holly Tannen.
      -Joe Offer-

I feel like sharing some of the best I've heard from the San Francisco Folk Music Club. Here's Holly Tannen, singing her "Ancient Matriarch":That's my friend Amelia Hogan singing with her.

RIME OF THE ANCIENT MATRIARCH
(Holly Tannen)

I was born in Turkey thirty thousand years ago
I taught the women and the men the things that they should know
The patriarchs invaded and I was forced to roam
I am an ancient matriarch, a long way from my home

So I escaped to Brittany, way up in Northern France
I met some Gauls with hairy balls, who thought they wore the pants
Until I had them brought to me, inside my pleasure dome
I am an ancient matriarch, a long way from my home

Across the Channel I was called to help the Celts carouse
Where fungi flourished on the crops and droppings of the cows
In jest I said, "Ingest these things"
And thus the Henge was stoned
I am an ancient matriarch, a long way from my home

'Tis then across the Irish sea I boldly made my way
Where I was worshipped as a queen on each St Brigid's Day
Invading Brits disdained my tits and threw me from my throne
I am an ancient matriarch, a long way from my home

Amongst the Appalachians I then did take my stand
Likewise in Nova Scotia and up in Newfoundland
In New Orleans, them Voodoo queens embraced me as their own
I am an ancient matriarch, a long way from my home

It's now in California this matriarch belongs
Where paunchy bards in Star Trek garb sing ersatz gaelic songs
Though madam Pele calls me I shall no longer roam
I am an ancient matriarch, a long way from my home


06 Jul 21 - 07:26 PM (#4112524)
Subject: ADD: Bonobo Wannabee (Holly Tannen)
From: Joe Offer

Thread #74787   Message #1328932
Posted By: Barbara
16-Nov-04 - 03:04 PM
Thread Name: Lyr Req: monkeys more humane than humans
Subject: Lyr Add: BONOBO WANABEE (Holly Tannen)

There's also this one, written by Holly Tannen a year ago, that addresses another facet of humane monkey behavior. This one is about the Bonobos, a recent split from chimpanzee who are known for all the things they do to deal with stress that keep them from even being shown on the discovery channel. They just about exclusively use sexuality instead of agression when things get tense.
Blessings,
Barbara

WANT TO BE A BONOBO
(Holly Tannen c 2003)

Oh, I want to be a Bonobo,
A Bonobo life for me
I want to be a Bonobo,
I'm a Bonobo wannabe.

We hang around, around the trees,
And sit on one another's knees,
And search for nits and ticks and fleas,
Ah, it's a Bonobo life for me

Oh, I want to be a Bonobo,
A Bonobo life for me
A bona fide Bonobo
I'm a Bonobo wannabe.

We nest up in the trees at night
And fondle everything in sight
We hardly ever have to fight
It's the Bonobo life for me.

Oh, I want to be a Bonobo,
A Bonobo life for me
A born-again Bonobo,
I'm a Bonobo wannabe.

You can harangue an orangutang
You can moon a baboon
But I want to be a Bonobo
And croon a Bonobo tune.

Dum da dum da duddle la dum
Duddle la duddle la dum
(Same as last two lines) (as you will)

Oh, come over here mama Bonobo
Sit on your Daddy's knee
Oh, do you want to Bonobo
Bonobo a bit with me

And if we do Bonobo
I will not charge a fee
I'll do it pro Bonobo
I'm a Bonobo wannabe.

Oh, I want to be a Bonobo,
A Bonobo life for me
I want to be a Bonobo,
I'm a Bonobo wannabe.

You can thrill a gorilla
Make free with a chimpanzee
But I want to be a Bonobo,
It's the Bonobo life for me.


08 Jul 21 - 12:18 PM (#4112714)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: GUEST,#

http://hollytannen.com/songlyrics.htm

That may be of some help.
    This is a thread I established mostly for Holly to post her lyrics, but others are also welcome to post their favorite Holly songs. It was so nice to see her at the Singaround Monday.
    -Joe-


01 Aug 21 - 11:55 PM (#4115084)
Subject: ADD: Delta Blues (Holly Tannen)
From: Joe Offer

Here's another gem I got by email from Holly:

DELTA BLUES
Words: Holly Tannen
Tune: Evil-Hearted Me or any good blues tune
© Copywrong 2021 All rights reversed
Please sing, make up verses, make it your own - though I do appreciate being credited

Got my N95, then I went and got my vax
Now the Delta variant is creeping through the cracks

I got the blues, I got the blues, got the mean old Delta Blues
I got the Alpha, Beta, Gamma, and the mean old Delta Blues

I try to wear a mask but I sniffle and I sneeze
Till I think I’m coming down with this ridiculous disease

I got the blues, I got the blues, I got the mean old Delta Blues
I know it must be true ‘cause I saw it on the morning news

I want to go to Sweden on a Viking river cruise
But I’m stuck in California with the Delta Blues

I got the blues, I got the blues, I got the mean old Delta Blues
I know all about it ‘cause I read it on Google news

I wanna smoke some dope and I wanna drink some booze
Will they help me to forget about the Delta Blues?

I got the blues, I got the blues, the mean old Delta Blues
I wanna go to bed and take a fourteen-hour snooze

I wanna hug my buddy and I wanna kiss my friend
And I wanna know if this fershlugginer plague will ever end

I got the blues, I got the blues, the mean old Delta Blues
I got the Alpha and Omega and the mean old Delta Blues


02 Aug 21 - 06:52 PM (#4115184)
Subject: Lyr Add: Delta Blues (Variant)
From: GUEST,Holly Tannen

DELTA BLUES
Words: Holly
Tune: Evil-Hearted Me, Walkin' Blues, or any good blues tune
© Copywrong 2021 All rights reversed
Please sing, make up verses, make it your own - though I do appreciate being credited


Got my N95, then I went and got my vax
Now the Delta variant is creeping through the cracks

        I got the blues, I got the blues, got the mean old Delta Blues
        I got the Alpha, Beta, Gamma, and the mean old Delta Blues

I try to wear a mask but I sniffle and I sneeze
Till I think I’m coming down with this ridiculous disease

        I got the blues, I got the blues, I got the mean old Delta Blues
        I know it must be true ‘cause I saw it on the morning news

I want to go to Sweden on a Viking river cruise
But I’m stuck in California with the Delta Blues

        I got the blues, I got the blues, I got the mean old Delta Blues
        I know all about it ‘cause I read it on Google news

I wanna smoke some dope and I wanna drink some booze
Will they help me to forget about the Delta Blues?

        I got the blues, I got the blues, the mean old Delta Blues
        I wanna go to bed and take a fourteen-hour snooze

I wanna hug my buddy and I wanna kiss my friend
And I wanna know if this fershlugginer plague will ever end

        I got the blues, I got the blues, the mean old Delta Blues
        I got the Alpha and Omega and the mean old Delta Blues


08 Aug 21 - 01:40 AM (#4115788)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: Joe Offer

Well, I gave her a thread for her songs, but she likes to put them where she likes to put them. Don't mess with a woman with a creative mind. :-)

Thread #167408   Message #4115703
Posted By: GUEST,Holly Tannen
07-Aug-21 - 09:09 AM
Thread Name: Lyr Req: Coronavirus Songs (COVID-19; Pandemic)
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Coronavirus Songs (COVID-19; Pandemic)

I Could Not Stop For Covid
        by Homily Tannenson
Tune: The Bold Privateer   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeHVVpx-ny4

I could not stop for Covid
So He kindly stopped for me.
The Seniors’ bus held only us
And my mortality.
        He slowly drove down Franklin Street
        As I lay down my phone
        And wondered what to say
        After nine long weeks alone.                

We passed the school where children once
Played soccer on the lawn.
The playground and the swimming pool,
But everyone was gone.
        He paused outside the coffee shop
        I used to go to eat
        But no one was inside now
        And no one on the street.

I shivered in the morning fog
The air was cold and dank
No neighbors in the hardware store
The grocery or the bank.
        I raised my mask and asked him
        Is poison on my breath?
        Or shall I live and witness
        My town condemned to Death?


30 Oct 21 - 02:06 AM (#4124619)
Subject: New Old Song: Slithering (Holly Tannen)
From: Holly Tannen

SLITHERING
Words: Holly
Tune: Streets of Laredo

As I slithered out in the garden of Eden
As I went slith’ring round Eden one day
I spied a young couple all wrapped up in nothing
All of their naughty bits out on display.

I said to the short one, I see you are mammals
You both have nipples for feeding your young
I have no nipples, for I am a reptile
I have bright scales and a flattering tongue.

I said to the tall one, I see you are manly
You have that dangly thing down by your thigh
Would you oblige me by wearing this fig leaf?
I feel embarrassed, though I don’t know why.

Let me present you this shiny red apple
You can both share it with your buddy Steve
It will give you wisdom, it is psychedelic
Take a bite, Adam, and don’t you blame Eve.


02 Mar 22 - 02:36 PM (#4138234)
Subject: New album: Eat Your Triceratops (Holly Tannen)
From: Joe Offer

Eat Your Triceratops

Holly Tannen presents a digital download of twelve new songs and an old one.

  1. Eat Your Triceratops - a conversation between a mother tyrannosaur and her toddler.
  2. Slithering Round Eden - the second book of Genesis from a reptilian perspective.
  3. Holio - there are many very spiritual people in Mendocino.
  4. Butterflies and Puppy Dogs - more spiritual people.
  5. Bonnie Boy - a northern California variant of a Scottish love song.
  6. The Princess and the Frog - a fairytale.
  7. Downstream from Dylan - clarifies the cause and cure of Songwriter’s Block.
  8. Redwood Blues - Do I have to get up this early?
  9. The Grateful Dead Boogie (Help the Redwoods Thrive) - “Was there music before the Grateful Dead? And why are they grateful?”
  10. Braxton Bragg - Fort Bragg is named after a Confederate general whom everybody hated, except the Union generals to whom he lost battle after battle.
  11. The House That Once Was Mine - Newcomers move into a handmade house.
  12. (Friendship is a) Sheltering Tree - A quote from Coleridge discovered on a peppermint teabag.
  13. Pardon Me, Thou Bleeding Piece of Earth - that I am meek and gentle with these butchers. (Shakespeare)

Available Beltane, May 1st, 2022, I hope. htannen@mcn.org


16 May 22 - 01:28 AM (#4141791)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: GUEST,Rearranging Deck Chairs

REARRANGING DECK CHAIRS

The crew are winching lifeboats down into the freezing sea.
The band is on the boatdeck playing Nearer My God To Thee
I am an able seaman charged with maintenance and repairs,
The bos'n says, “Go up on deck and rearrange the chairs.”

He thinks they’ve fallen over so I have to go and check
And bring a bucket and a mop so I can swab the deck.
The ship is slowly sinking while the boilers team and smoke,
I gaze around and wonder if there isn’t something broke.

A thousand squealing Norway rats are diving off the side
But I’m not going to follow them, a worker has his pride.
The jewel-bedazzled heiresses and self-made millionaires
Are crowding into lifeboats as I rearrange the chairs.

They’ve locked the doors to steerage so the poor folks can’t get out
“There isn’t room for all of you,” I heard the Captain shout.
The Irish and Italian are all kneeling, saying prayers
While up here on the quarterdeck I’m rearranging chairs.


06 Jul 22 - 10:29 PM (#4146536)
Subject: Holio (Than Thou)
From: GUEST,F the Ineffable (Holly Tannen)

HOLIO (Than Thou)
Tune: Sweet Betsy From Pike
Can be heard on Holly's new CD Baby recording, "Eat Your Triceratops"
There are many spiritual people in Mendocino.

I am so holy and kindly and wise
Folks come from miles to gaze in my eyes
Sit at my feet and you quickly will see
No one is half as enlightened as me.
                                Holio, holio holio ho
                                Everyone loves me wherever I go

When my friends need me I always am there.
I always listen and I always care
I always text them and email them too
I’m not a burnt-out old hippie like you.
                                Holio, holio holio ho
                                Everyone loves me wherever I go

That stuff you’re eating, I used to eat that.
It made me bloated and stupid and fat
Eat what I eat, and you surely will see
You can be brilliant and slender like me.
                                Holio, holio holio ho
                                Everyone loves me wherever I go

That stuff you’re smoking, I used to smoke too.
It got me high and then it made me blue
Quit your addiction, and have some mint tea
You can be clean and clear-headed like me.
                                Holio, holio holio ho
                                Everyone loves me wherever I go

I help the needy and I volunteer
Everyone tells me they’re glad I live here
Except the deluded and drug-addled few
Who like to hang out with a loser like you.
                                Holio, holio holio ho
                                Everyone loves me wherever I go


10 Jul 22 - 09:50 PM (#4146943)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: Joe Offer

Thread #171459   Message #4146786
Posted By: GUEST,F the Ineffable
08-Jul-22 - 09:42 PM
Thread Name: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
Subject: ADD: Young Lady (Holly Tannen)

I'm interested in songs about old people refusing to accept negative stereotypes.


A true story. Particulars have been changed to protect the guy at the car stereo place in Ukiah.

   YOUNG LADY   

   A week ago Monday I drove to Fort Bragg
   With my African basket and recycled bag.
   Fresh out of chocolate, I had to buy more.
“Good morning, young lady,” said the man in the store.

   Should I forgive him because of his youth?
   Oh, no, I think it’s better that he learn the truth.
   “I’ll not be cajoled by your flattering tongue,
   I am not a lady and I am not young.”

   “One month ago I turned seventy-two
   I’ll bet I’m thirty years older than you.
   I’m losing my teeth and I’m losing my hair,
   And now I’ve lost my bifocals, I don’t know where.

   “I live surrounded by things I can’t find
   But that doesn’t mean that I’m losing my mind.
   I know where it is: it’s right here in my head
   And I plan to keep using it till I am dead.

“Now I’ve got my chocolate, I’ll be on my way
I’ve enjoyed talking with you here today.
Have I made myself clear? I don’t need to say more?”
“Sure thing, young lady,” said the man in the store.


"Young Lady" can be sung to the tune of "Polly Vaughn" or "Jack Rafferty" or....


24 Jul 22 - 11:41 PM (#4148269)
Subject: The Princess and the Frog
From: GUEST,F the Ineffable

The Princess and the Frog
Tune: When Stormy Winds Do Blow, the Watersons
Words: F the Ineffable

One fine October morning
Down by Big River side
A maid meandered down the sand
To view the flowing tide.
        Being lovely, lithe and lonely,
        She sat down on a log.
        By a waterfall she heard the call
        Of a tiny long-tailed frog.

His tender skin was emerald green
Bedecked with flecks of gold.
He was a living breathing gem
A splendour to behold.
        He glimmered in the morning light
        That filtered through the fog
        And rainbows from the waterfall
        Played gaily round the frog.

“O lovely lady, take me home,”
This brilliant creature cried.
“And whisper ardent words of love
And say you’ll be my bride.
        And if you kiss my froggie lips
        Beneath yon flowering quince
        I’ll shed my slimy skin, and I’ll
        Become a handsome prince.”        

“Oh darling, precious froggie-poo
I’ll make for you a bed,
With chocolate treats and silken sheets
And pillows for your head.
        But I’ll not kiss your froggie lips
        Beneath yon flowering quince
        For there is nothing I need less
        Than one more handsome prince.”

“For I’ve had men a-plenty
From Zanzibar to Prague
I’ve screwed the best and scorned the rest,
But I’d love a talking frog.”


25 Jul 22 - 12:54 PM (#4148334)
Subject: Butterflies and Puppydogs
From: GUEST, F the Ineffable

Butterflies and Puppy Dogs
Tune: The Hot Asphalt
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUpGV0hsq1s      

Butterflies and puppy dogs, hummingbirds and whales
Roly-poly kittens playing with their mothers’ tails.
Think of sweet and lovely things, don’t focus on the sad
It’s your negativity that makes you feel so bad.

We’ll go on a vision quest because all agree
Everyone on earth creates their own reality.
We all choose our parents, we’re evolving towards the light
We were very clever choosing parents who were white.

If a sheriff stops us while we’re driving to the mall
We can rest assured he won’t do anything at all.
We don’t have to worry that our children will get shot
If they walk too fast across a Target parking lot.

        If you’re plucking chicken butts or packing pickled pork,
        If you’re stacking bodies on a playground in New York,
        If La Migra busted you and took your kids and wife
        It’s because of something you did in a former life.

Think of sweet and lovely things, don’t focus on the sad
It’s your negativity that makes you feel so bad.
Undulating octopuses, cute beluga whales
Jolly ginger kittens pouncing on their mothers tails.


26 Jul 22 - 12:46 AM (#4148401)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: Joe Offer

One may scoff, but I sang "Slithering" in the Mudcat Singaround today to wild applause. So, THERE!!!


They said it was good, but they wished that Holly Tannen herself had been there to sing it...


22 Aug 22 - 10:48 PM (#4150777)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: GUEST,The Ancient Matriarch Herself

I’m Not A Boy
Tune: The Yellow Rose of Texas, or any good tune
Words: F the Ineffable


I‘m not a boy, said little Fred
Said Joe, I’m OCD
I’m ADHD, Marnie said,
And Laura's gluten-free.

Art said, I want to be a geek
And work at Livermore
Bill cried, I am a Jesus freak
Said Karl, I worship Thor.

Their mothers told them not to shout
Or quarrel as they played.
“I hope they get that sorted out
Before they start first grade.”


22 Aug 22 - 10:57 PM (#4150778)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: GUEST,The Veritable Ancient Matriarch

Yes, Kate McGarrigle's "Talk To Me of Mendocino" is beautiful. But "Never had the blues from whence I came?"
"The trees grow high in New York State?" Nonsense. Our trees could eat three of your trees for breakfast.

Here's a song about Mendocino sung by people who live here.

Squawk to Me of Mendocino


Bid farewell to the state of Arizona
To get away from home   
In the LA traffic you begin to age
When first your hair starts graying.

And the trees grow high in Mendocino
This is your last chance to see
Those that Calfire hasn’t taken,
Cut down by PG and E.

        Squawk to me of Mendocino
        Open your eyes, you’ll see RVs
        Drive up from San Bernardino
        Passing log trucks full of trees.

Cloverdale, turn left to Boonville
Getting carsick on the turns
Guys can pee upon the redwoods
Gals can squat down in the ferns.

Eat another lemon gummie
Stop and take another toke.
Running gaily round the redwoods
Crashing through the poison oak.

        What’s become of Mendocino?
        Now it’s normal and mundane
        Where are all those old-time hippies?
        Only tourist traps remain.

        And the t-shirts all say “Mendocino”
        Now you wonder why you bought ‘em
        Never had the crabs from whence you came
        But in Fort Bragg  you caught ‘em.

As the sun sets on the ocean
You’re still staring at your phone
No, I will not take your picture
Let me brood here on my own.

        Squawk to me of Mendocino
        Open your eyes, you’ll see RVs
        Drive up from San Bernardino
        Past the last remaining trees.


22 Aug 22 - 11:08 PM (#4150779)
Subject: ADD: Sometimes an Eggplant (Holly Tannen)
From: GUEST,Mama and Baba Ghanoush

! WARNING ! ATTENTION ! ACHTUNG ! ADVERTENCIA !
         This song refers to the existence of things people do.


The One Company has developed a condom specifically for use with butt stuff. They held a contest to design the best condom wrapper. Several entrants incorporated eggplant emoji…

SOMETIMES AN EGGPLANT
Words: F the Ineffable
Tune: Bold Doherty, What Can A Young Lassie, or any good tune

Sometimes an eggplant is only an eggplant,
Perfectly normal and not at all queer.
Purple and shiny and moist and delicious
Like the fat aubergine I’m holding here.
                Singing Aubergine-ay
                Aubergine-arity
                Aubergine-arity, Aubergine-ay!

I wear my aubergines over my undergines
I tuck my undergines into my socks
Under my turtleneck I carry turtles, all
Cleverly fastened with bagels and locks.
        Singing Aubergine-ay. etc

        Sometimes a rifle is only a rifle
        Sometimes a dreadnought is just a guitar
        Why can’t a joke be an innocent trifle?
        Like a cigar can be just a cigar.
                Singing Aubergine-ay. etc

Can’t an emoji just be an emoji?
Why can’t an inkblot be only a blot?
Why can’t a word be a single entendre?
Why should I care if it’s single or not?
                Singing Aubergine-ay. etc

        Sometimes a symbol is only a symbol
        If we have two we can make a big noise.
        Let’s buy some eggplant and cook a moussaka,
        Cheesy Greek meatloaf for fat-bottomed boys        
                Who sing Aubergine-ay
                Aubergine-arity
                Aubergine-arity, Aubergine-ay!

Next time you look at a peach or papaya
Don’t think of genitals, butthole or tush.
When you imagine a big purple eggplant
Pray to your guru, old Baba Ghanoush.
                Singing Aubergine-ay
                Aubergine-arity
                Aubergine-arity, Aubergine-ay!


30 Oct 22 - 10:53 PM (#4156790)
Subject: ADD: The Night Before Samhain (Holly Tannen)
From: GUEST,The Ancient Matriarch

Bright blessings, smiling silly sisters and laughing lurking listers!

Tis the end of the old Celtic year and the start of the new. In Ireland, Samhain (pronounced sow-in) was the last day of summer (Samradh. Farm people stored their harvested crops and gathered in their animals.

The setting sun lights the face of the waxing crescent moon. The sky darkens. The first stars have not yet appeared.

Time for my another re-telling of that ancient oral epic, translated from the Proto-Indo-European and recited over a smoldering peat fire by my great great grandmother, Scarlett O Tannenbaum

THE NIGHT BEFORE SAMHAIN
(Holly Tannen)

Twas the night before Samhain and all through the coven
The witches were cooking strange things in the oven
Sowbugs and bedbugs and headlice and fleas
Zuckerface burgers with limburger cheese.

Pizza rats gleaned in New York and Chicago
Classified documents from Mar-a-Lago
Poison oak pudding and corgi pate
And his royal lowness Prince Andrew flambe!

Candles were lit and the circle was cast
In hopes that the Goddess would be there at last
When out by the hot tub I heard such a clatter
I jumped on my broom to see what was the matter.

And what did I see in the blackberry thorns
But a dripping wet Goddess and eight unicorns!
I was just sitting down with my vibrating phallus
And a good book, she muttered. You bitches are callous.

I came when you called, over all my objections
And got lost in the woods, thanks to Siris directions
You turkeys invoked me, now look at my dress!
My periods late, and Ive got PMS.

She cursed and she grumbled, she looked like a wreck
The unicorns whimpered and shat on the deck
So we gave her some bud and we got her some grub
We brought her hot towels and she soaked in the tub.

Then she rose, hot and dripping, and gave us her blessing
And jumped in her chariot, without even dressing!
On Isis, Rhiannon, Erzulie, Parvati!
On Artemis, Freya, Kali and Hecate!

We heard her exclaim as she rose through the air,
Thank Goddess theres only eight Sabbats a year!

- Aurora Borealis Medicine Turkey


05 Mar 23 - 05:46 PM (#4166966)
Subject: Lyr Add: Instagram (a lovely new song)
From: GUEST

A sodden song for a day of hail here in Mendonesia.

INSTAGRAM
Words: F the Ineffable
Tune: Kodachrome,© 1973, Paul Simon


When I think back on all the crap I learned at Berkeley
It's a wonder I can think at all
But my over - education hasn't hurt me none
I can still whup you-all’s ass at pickleball.

Instagram
It gives us those nice white people
Everyone’s always smiling
Even though it’s hailing on a sunny day, oh yeah

I got me an iPhone 7
I love to take a photograph
So Papa, don't take my Instagram away

If you took all the guys I screwed when I was horny
And brought 'em all together for one night
I know we’re too old to practice procreation
And they’d rather all play fiddle tunes than fight

Instagram
It gives us those nice white people
Everyone’s always smiling
Everyone loves each other on a sunny day, oh yeah

I got an iPhone 7
I love to take a photograph
So Papa, don't take my Instagram away
Papa, don't take my Instagram away
Papa, don't take my Instagram away
Papa, don't take my Instagram away


Full disclosure: I’ve never played pickleball. I doubt I could distinguish a pickleball from any other kind of ball. But it rhymes. And scans. Please do not revoke my poetic license. - F.


05 Mar 23 - 10:40 PM (#4166985)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: Joe Offer

Dear Anonymous Matriarch, I hope you don't mind that I move all your songs here where your myriad fans* are likely to find them.

*Well, I'm the only fan of yours that I know, but what can I say? I'm sure that out there in the Ethersphere, you have literally thousands of rabid fans. Whatever the case, I sure have fun with your songs. I've even sung a song or two of yours on the Mudcat Worldwide Singaround on Mondays, and people have loved them.


04 Apr 23 - 12:13 AM (#4169189)
Subject: ADD: Grateful Dead Boogie (Holly Tannen)
From: GUEST,Email from Holly Tannen

Dear Fellow Tree-Huggers:

I sent The Grateful Dead Boogie to an Environmental Song contest in London. It’s now one of the six finalists!


Listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GP-hXOM6y0E

Vote: https://www.home-stage.co.uk/pfite-vote


The song that gets the most votes wins 500 pounds ($620) for the songwriter and 500 pounds to their favorite environmental organization. I would donate it to Sara Rose and Ravel Gauthier’s Youth for Climate.


“Was there music before the Grateful Dead?“ Oliver Swimmer asked his dad Chad. “And why are they grateful?”

GRATEFUL DEAD BOOGIE
Words and music: Hucklewood

“Was there music before the Grateful Dead?
And why are they grateful?” eight-year old Oliver said.
Up spoke Marianna, who was five.
“They are grateful they’re not still alive.”

They don’t have to see what’s going on
Everything they fought for, going or it’s gone
People scared to speak their mind, people scared to sing
Rich folks still stealing everything.

Why are those men chopping down the trees?
Do the redwoods have a tree disease?
Now they lie there rotting in the sun
I thought they belonged to everyone.

Someone’s getting paid, we understand
Cutting big old trees on public land
But we’re not scared to speak our mind, we’re not scared to sing
We won’t let the rich steal everything.

We’ll play music like the Grateful Dead
We will dance and boogie, Oliver said
We will help the redwoods trees to thrive
We are grateful we’re all still alive.


Since recording it, I’ve changed the antepenultimate line to

    We will dance and boogie, Garnish said


I interviewed Garnish and asked him what held the Mendonesian community together back in the day. “The boogie!” he said - people dancing wildly to local bands. The boogie is making a comeback, at events like the Caspar Forest Fest.

Any reason you couldn’t take a moment and vote? We can help people in Europe realize the importance of the redwoods in combatting climate change.


https://www.home-stage.co.uk/pfite-vote


Thank you for your support!

Holly aka
Hucklewood


13 Apr 23 - 11:11 PM (#4169864)
Subject: ADD: Eat Your Triceratops
From: Holly Tannen

Eat Your Triceratops         

A visionary young Tyrannosaur argues with his exasperated mother.

“Mama, Mama,” said Tiny T,
“See the plesiosaur in the sea!
I want to dive and I want to swim,”
“You’d sink to the bottom,” said his Mom to him.

“Mama, Mama,” little Tiny cried,
“See the microraptor leap and glide!
I’m gonna go climb up that tree,”
“You'll stay right here on the ground with me.”

“Mama, Mama, I’m sick of meat
Why can’t I have something sweet?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” his mother said
“Eat your triceratops and go to bed.”

“Mama Mama, I want to fly!
Like a pterosaur in the sky,
Soaring on the warm air, grand and calm.”
“Forget about it,” said his Mom.

“Tiny, Tiny, you’re a cute little tot
But you can’t be something you are not.
I’m tired of your whining and your tears.
You couldn’t fly in a million years.”


13 Apr 23 - 11:24 PM (#4169865)
Subject: Listen to the Dinosaurs (Holly Tannen)
From: Holly Tannen

Listen to the Dinosaurs
Words © 2014
Tune: Listen to the Radio, © Nancy Griffith, © 1989, Universal Music

The first time I saw a raven fly upside down I thought I was having an acid flashback. But the Cornell University Laboratory of Ornithology clocked a raven flying upside down for almost half a mile.

Nikons are inexpensive binoculars; (David) Sibley's is the bird ID book we used in Greg Grantham's 'Birds of the North Coast' class at College of the Redwoods.

I'd be grateful if someone can come up with the name of a popular contemporary show to replace "Game of Thrones."
         

I am bound for Mendocino in the morning rain
Past coastal towns where fog is thick and tourists all complain.
Past redwood trees and fog and dinosaurs
Where would I be without the song of the dinosaurs?

        When you can't find a friend, you still got the dinosaurs
        When you can't find a friend, you still got the dinosaurs
        Dinosaurs, oh, listen to the dinosaurs.

I left a clueless, four-eyed computer nerd on Franklin Street
Staring at his Android, watching 'Game of Thrones,' wondering what's become of me.
Got my Nikon and my Sibley’s in the trunk of my Accord
And I am leaving Fort Bragg to look for dinosaurs.

CHORUS

There’s a hawk above the headlands north of Mendocino town
There’s a pelican and a cormorant and a raven upside down.
That computer nerd’ll find his Android in the garbage can
And I am leaving Fort Bragg to look for dinosaurs.

CHORUS

The ravens brought their babies to the birdbath yesterday
They splashed around, they begged for food, then they flew away.
They have scales, they have claws, like dinosaurs
And they all sing the song of the dinosaurs.

        When you can't find a friend, you still got the dinosaurs
        When you can't find a friend, you still got the dinosaurs
        Dinosaurs, oh, listen to the dinosaurs.
        Dinosaurs…


24 Oct 23 - 01:58 AM (#4184374)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: GUEST,Somebody's Wrong on the Net

Somebody's Wrong
Words: F the Ineffable
Tune: Rosin the Bow (also known as Acres of Clams)

It’s 2 o’clock in the morning
I haven’t gone to bed yet
Gotta sit here at the laptop, 'cause
Somebody’s wrong on the Net.

        Somebody's wrong on the net
        Somebody's wrong on the Net
        I know I’m right, so I’ll stay up all night
        Somebody's wrong on the Net.

Some of the listfolk are normal
Some are old hippies and freaks
Some spend their time reading gobbledegook
Upchucked by gobbledegeeks.

        Somebody's wrong on the Net
        Somebody's wrong on the Net
        Peevish and mean, they scream at the screen
        Somebody's wrong on the Net.

Once I was wrong about something
How could I ever forget
All of those guys who informed me
That I was wrong on the Net.

One fellow said I was stupid
One fellow told me I sucked
I sent a witty rejoinder
Telling them both to get a life.
        
        Somebody's wrong on the Net
        Somebody's wrong on the Net
        Stuck in their bubble, they love making trouble
        Somebody's wrong on the Net.


24 Oct 23 - 01:58 AM (#4191558)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: GUEST,Somebody's Wrong on the Net

Somebody's Wrong
Words: F the Ineffable
Tune: Rosin the Bow (also known as Acres of Clams)

It’s 2 o’clock in the morning
I haven’t gone to bed yet
Gotta sit here at the laptop, 'cause
Somebody’s wrong on the Net.

        Somebody's wrong on the net
        Somebody's wrong on the Net
        I know I’m right, so I’ll stay up all night
        Somebody's wrong on the Net.

Some of the listfolk are normal
Some are old hippies and freaks
Some spend their time reading gobbledegook
Upchucked by gobbledegeeks.

        Somebody's wrong on the Net
        Somebody's wrong on the Net
        Peevish and mean, they scream at the screen
        Somebody's wrong on the Net.

Once I was wrong about something
How could I ever forget
All of those guys who informed me
That I was wrong on the Net.

One fellow said I was stupid
One fellow told me I sucked
I sent a witty rejoinder
Telling them both to get a life.
        
        Somebody's wrong on the Net
        Somebody's wrong on the Net
        Stuck in their bubble, they love making trouble
        Somebody's wrong on the Net.


24 Oct 23 - 02:00 AM (#4191559)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: GUEST,Sometimes An Eggplant

Sometimes An Eggplant
Words: The Aubergenius        
Tune: Bold Doherty

Sometimes an eggplant is only an eggplant,
Perfectly normal and not at all queer.
Purple and shiny and moist and delicious
Like the fat aubergine I’m holding here.
Singing         Aubergine-ay, auberginarity
                    Auberginarity Aubergine-ay.

        Can’t an emoji be just an emoji?
        Why can’t an inkblot be only a blot?
        Why can’t a word be a single entendre?
        And why should I care if it’s single or not?

Sometimes a symbol is only a symbol
If we have two we can make a big noise.
We’ll buy an eggplant and cook a moussaka,
Cheesy Greek meatloaf for fat-bottomed boys
Who sing Aubergine-ay, auberginarity
              Auberginarity Aubergine-ay.

        I wear my aubergines over my undergines
        I tuck my undergines into my socks
        Under my turtleneck I carry turtles, all
        Cleverly fastened with bagels and locks.

Next time you look at a peach or papaya
Don’t think of genitals, butthole or tush.
When you imagine a big purple eggplant
Pray to your guru, old Baba Ghanoush.
Singing Aubergine-ay, auberginarity
            Auberginarity Aubergine-ay.


24 Oct 23 - 02:00 AM (#4184375)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: GUEST,Sometimes An Eggplant

Sometimes An Eggplant
Words: The Aubergenius        
Tune: Bold Doherty

Sometimes an eggplant is only an eggplant,
Perfectly normal and not at all queer.
Purple and shiny and moist and delicious
Like the fat aubergine I’m holding here.
Singing         Aubergine-ay, auberginarity
                    Auberginarity Aubergine-ay.

        Can’t an emoji be just an emoji?
        Why can’t an inkblot be only a blot?
        Why can’t a word be a single entendre?
        And why should I care if it’s single or not?

Sometimes a symbol is only a symbol
If we have two we can make a big noise.
We’ll buy an eggplant and cook a moussaka,
Cheesy Greek meatloaf for fat-bottomed boys
Who sing Aubergine-ay, auberginarity
              Auberginarity Aubergine-ay.

        I wear my aubergines over my undergines
        I tuck my undergines into my socks
        Under my turtleneck I carry turtles, all
        Cleverly fastened with bagels and locks.

Next time you look at a peach or papaya
Don’t think of genitals, butthole or tush.
When you imagine a big purple eggplant
Pray to your guru, old Baba Ghanoush.
Singing Aubergine-ay, auberginarity
            Auberginarity Aubergine-ay.


24 Oct 23 - 02:05 AM (#4184376)
Subject: I'm Not A Boy
From: GUEST,Holly

I’m Not A Boy
Words: F the Ineffable
Tune: The Yellow Rose of Texas or any good tune


I‘m not a boy, said little Fred
Dylan’s OCD
I’m ADHD, Joni said,
And Paul is gluten-free.

Kay said, I’m going to be a geek
And work at Livermore
Jim cried, I am a Jesus freak
Said Kurt, I worship Thor.

Their mothers told them not to shout
Or quarrel as they played.
“I’m glad they’ve got that sorted out
Before they start first grade.”


24 Oct 23 - 02:05 AM (#4191560)
Subject: I'm Not A Boy
From: GUEST,Holly

I’m Not A Boy
Words: F the Ineffable
Tune: The Yellow Rose of Texas or any good tune


I‘m not a boy, said little Fred
Dylan’s OCD
I’m ADHD, Joni said,
And Paul is gluten-free.

Kay said, I’m going to be a geek
And work at Livermore
Jim cried, I am a Jesus freak
Said Kurt, I worship Thor.

Their mothers told them not to shout
Or quarrel as they played.
“I’m glad they’ve got that sorted out
Before they start first grade.”


25 Oct 23 - 01:55 AM (#4191561)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: Joe Offer

Truly inspiring, Holly. I'm going to have to think about "I'm Not a Boy" for a while.

-Joe, who has occasionally worked at Livermore-


25 Oct 23 - 01:55 AM (#4184437)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: Joe Offer

Truly inspiring, Holly. I'm going to have to think about "I'm Not a Boy" for a while.

-Joe, who has occasionally worked at Livermore-


25 Oct 23 - 04:21 PM (#4184484)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: Chris Wright

Holly - I've been trying to get in touch with you for a few months. Wondered if you'd mind dropping me a message? info@chriswright.scot

Thanks in advance!


25 Oct 23 - 04:21 PM (#4191562)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: Chris Wright

Holly - I've been trying to get in touch with you for a few months. Wondered if you'd mind dropping me a message? info@chriswright.scot

Thanks in advance!


02 Jan 24 - 06:56 PM (#4194734)
Subject: ADD: Doin’ It Doggy Style (Holly Tannen)
From: GUEST,Holly (by email)

First sploem of 2024! I hope the Arabic and Hebrew don’t get disinformatted.


Doin’ It Doggy Style

Words: F the Ineffable
Tune: Puttin' On The Style, traditional American folk song


As I walked down Big River Beach
Upon a New Year’s Day,
To wash my feet and watch the birds
And mammals sport and play.

Pelicans and western gulls
And cormorants and seals
Plunging in the water
Snatching up their happy meals.

I sat upon a log to write,
It always makes me smile
Watching people and their pups
Who do it doggy style.

Doin’ it doggy style
Doin’ it doggy style
People and their puppy dogs
All doin’ it doggy style

A cute substandard poodle
Gaily splashing in the waves
A dauntless goldendoodle
Boldly snurfling through the caves.

Begging beagles hoping for
A tidbit or a meal
Queensland heelers looking for
A lonely lamb to heal.

As I walked down Big River Beach
One February day
A chick and her chihuahua
Stood there shivering in the spray.

“I bought a silk-lined woolen coat
For my sweet precious pet
He got knocked over by a wave
And now he’s soaking wet.”

Al estilo perrito
Al estilo perrito
En la playa lo hacen
Al estilo perrito.


As I walked out at lunchtime
In the merry month of May
A lady with a Labrador
To me these words did say:

“I’m sorry that he licked you
I’m sorry he jumped up
I’m sorry that he knocked you down,
He’s 5, he’s just a pup.”

Twas on a fine June morning
I rambled on the sand.
A doctor gave his Doberman
A sit and stay command.

Wir lieben Große Flussstrand
Wir kommen jedes Jahr
Wir waren heute Mittag dort
Betrunken in Dick's Bar.


As I strolled down Big River Beach
One foggy August day
A woman with no dogs at all
To me these words did say

I haven’t seen seen my elkhounds
Odin, Freya, Thor, and Loki
Since I sang Sound of Silence
At the Clearlake karaoke.

Hater du Lyden av Stillhet,
Odin, Loke, Freya, Thor?
Var musikken for høy for deg?
Jeg lurer på hvor du er.


As I walked out one morning
On a bright September day
A surfer with a Malinois
To me these words did say

Jean-Jacques adore courir le long
De la Grande Rivière
Je ne le tiens jamais en laisse
Aux plages de la mer.


Mashit ealaa tul alshaati
One cold November day
A displaced Palestinian
In Arabic did say

كيمكنك إحضار لوح ركوب الأمواج الخاص ب
ةاشرب كوكا كولا أو بير
ةالوضع هنا أكثر أمانًا من غز
اأعتقد أنني سأبقى هن


And as I ate my sandwich, hard-
Boiled egg on whole wheat bread
A kind Israeli couple looked up
From their phones and said

םהפסוק הזה לא אומר כלו
וגוגל תרגום ניסה כמיטב יכולת
אבל זה עדיין מגוחך. גרמתי לך להסתכל!

עושה את זה בסגנון כלבלב
עושה את זה בסגנון כלבלב

יש יותר מדי שמוץ בקיבוץ
אז נישאר כאן לזמן מה




You can bring your surfboard
Take a drink or take a toke
You can watch the sunset
With the local doggy folk

You can wander by yourself
Or stop and chat a while
You don’t have to have a dog
To do it doggy style.





Hope you will create lots of what you love in 2024.

Holly



Friendship is a sheltering tree
Bud and blossom, branch and fruit
Kind and kindred souls agree
Green the stem and deep the root.


02 Jan 24 - 07:07 PM (#4194735)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: Joe Offer

Holly's now posting her songs at her blog, https://hollyblog2.wordpress.com/

-Joe-


17 Feb 24 - 12:15 AM (#4197361)
Subject: ADD: Blue-Eyed Boy (Holly Tannen)
From: Joe Offer

By email from Holly 16 Feb 2024:



Scrooge McSchmuck’s
fuct
               who used to
               ride in an armor-plated black

limo
and fire onetwothreefourfive lawyersjustlikethat
                                                                                                    Jesus

he was an ugly man
                                                 and what i want to know is
how do you like your blue-eyed boy
Mister Cohn

- h j tannen


(Not for writing class…just an effusion of satisfaction. )

Stephen Colbert compiled a list of sobriquets for the ex-resident. Feel free to substitute your favorite.
https://sports.yahoo.com/stephen-colbert-supercut-donald-trump-114252560.html

Roy Cohn was the New York mobster lawyer who taught McSchmuck to take any charge made against him and accuse his opponents of it, putting them on the defensive. You can enjoy watching him die in the second half of Angels in America.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LR7820GsrcQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e3oZmI-fjo&t=10505s





Buffalo Bill ’s
defunct
               who used to
               ride a watersmooth-silver
                                                                  stallion
and break onetwothreefourfive pigeonsjustlikethat
                                                                                                    Jesus

he was a handsome man
                                                 and what i want to know is
how do you like your blue-eyed boy
Mister Death

- e e cummings


17 Feb 24 - 05:50 AM (#4197376)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: GerryM

Roy Cohn went to my high school.


22 Feb 24 - 03:02 PM (#4197740)
Subject: ADD: Seize ‘Em, Squeeze 'Em (Holly Tannen)
From: Joe Offer

Seize ‘Em, Squeeze 'Em
Words: Fatguru Baba Ganoush
Tune: Leave Her, Johnny, Leave Her, traditional shanty

Oh I thought I heard Letitia say
Seize his assets, seize ‘em
Wise Ms. James has won the day
And it’s time for us to seize ‘em.

Seize ‘em, Ms. James, seize ‘em all
Seize his assets, seize ‘em
That was one good judgment call
And it’s time for us to seize ‘em.

If he says he cannot pay
Seize ‘em, Ms. James, seize ‘em
Haul his big fat assets away
‘Cause it’s time for us to seize ‘em.

Thought I heard Letitia say
“Seize that building, seize it.
I see 40 Wall Street every day,
And it’s time for us to seize it.”

Oh it ’s weigh, hay, haul ‘em away
Seize his assets, seize ‘em
Wise Ms. James goin’ to make him pay
And it’s time for us to seize ‘em

His appeals we’ll disallow
Seize that building, seize it
Got Fattie Assets by the scrotus now
And it’s time for us to squeeze it.



Blindly leading* the blind,
Deafly leading the deaf,

Fatguru Baba Ganoush

(my new sobriquet)

*or perhaps following

SCROTUS: So-Called Ruler of the United States


01 Apr 24 - 11:35 AM (#4200203)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: Joe Offer

Need cheering up? Holly has a new blog, with lyrics to many of her songs.

https://hollyblog2.wordpress.com/


01 May 24 - 03:59 PM (#4201888)
Subject: ADD: Goin Native (Holly Tannen)
From: Joe Offer

Here's Holly's latest creation.

It’s May Eve, known in Ireland as Bealtaine, in England as Beltane.

Ever notice that May first and Halloween are exactly six months apart? These holidays split the year into two seasons. Smallholders in northern Europe would take their cattle to mountain and moorland pastures with the coming of fair weather, and bring them back home for winter.

Beltane or Bealtaine is the Gaelic May Day festival, marking the beginning of summer. It is traditionally held on 1 May... midway between the spring equinox and summer solstice...widely observed in Ireland, Scotland, and the Isle of Man. ... Beltane is one of the four main Celtic seasonal festivals, along with Samhain, Imbolc, and Lughnasadh.

Beltane...marked the beginning of summer, when cattle were driven out to the summer pastures. Rituals were performed to protect cattle, people and crops, and to encourage growth. Special bonfires were kindled, whose flames, smoke and ashes were deemed to have protective powers.

People and their cattle would walk around or between bonfires, and sometimes leap over the flames or embers. Household fires would be doused, and re-lit from the Beltane bonfire. These gatherings would be accompanied by a feast, and some of the food and drink would be offered to the sidhe, the fairies.

Doors, windows, byres and livestock would be decorated with yellow May flowers...In parts of Ireland, people would make a May Bush: typically a thorn bush or branch decorated with flowers, ribbons, bright shells and rushlights. Holy wells were also visited, while Beltane dew was thought to bring beauty and maintain youthfulness. -Wikipedia

(The best source of information is Kevin Danaher’s historical/geographical survey The Year In Ireland. https://www.amazon.com/Year-Ireland-Kevin-Danaher/dp/1856350932)

One of the oldest songs I know is an Irish maying song, Thugamar féin an samhradh linn, “we are bringing the summer with us…yellow summer of the golden daisies.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8JKyYjaz4g

Berkeley Morris Dancers and neo-pagan roisterers still dance the sun up every May morning at Inspiration Point.


Goin’ Native
Words: ©1996 Aurora Borealis Medicine Turkey
Tune: Makin’ Whoopee, ©1928 Walter Donaldson and Gus Kahn

In honor of folklorist/anthropologist Sabina Magliocco, who studied Neo-pagan ritual in the San Francisco Bay area.

Our article “The Real Old-Time Religion: Towards an Aesthetic of Neo-Pagan Song” was published in the Canadian journal Ethnologies (1998) and is referenced in her book Witching Culture: Folklore and Neo-Paganism in America. (University of Pennsylvania Press, 2004.)


Another Beltane
Another May
Another folklorist
Has come to stay
She thinks it’s thrilling
That we’re so willing
She’s goin’ native.

She’s got her abstract
She’s got her chant
She’s learned a Neo-pagan chant
The news is leaking
Her mother’s freaking
She’s goin’ native.

Picture a sweet young scholar
Getting her PhD
Picture that same young scholar
After a year or three.

She’s going sky-clad
And riding brooms
She’s doing strange things
With mushrooms
Tell her professor
He can’t suppress her
She’s goin’ native.


01 May 24 - 06:15 PM (#4201891)
Subject: RE: ADD: Songs of the Ancient Matriarch (Holly Tannen)
From: GerryM

Rhyming "chant" with "chant" in verse 2? Surely not.