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24 Apr 20 - 08:33 AM (#4048084) Subject: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy A bat flies in over the throng three-deep at the bar and clings upside-down to the rafters above one of the bartenders. There is a crowd around the session (fiddle, xylophone, harp) singing tooralooras. Some thoughtful prep bartender has pre-studded lemons with cloves, so the bat orders a hot whisky, and when it arrives about 3 songs later, takes it over to a high-top where it can be savored while right-side up. Having downed that, the bat starts looking around... Any large Africans anywhere, or maybe a squid? |
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24 Apr 20 - 08:38 AM (#4048086) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou A Smiling African Man is serving ready-cooked Fiery Horror meals, while a plump Old Lady is secretly perfecting her Mapouka in a quiet corner. She winks at the bat, then sings along with the tooralooras. |
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24 Apr 20 - 08:39 AM (#4048087) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Oh, yeah: the harpist warbled this as the bat was hanging above the bartender, surprising the bat who'd known it since early childhood but had never heard this penultimate verse, and thus messing up the singing along, being done in ultrasonic frequencies so the musicians didn't notice: About a maid I'll sing a song Sing rickety tickety tin About a maid I'll sing a song Who didn't have her family long Not only did she do them wrong She did every one of them in, them in She did every one of them in. One morning in a fit of pique Sing rickety tickety tin One morning in a fit of pique She drowned her father in the creek The water tasted bad for a week And we had to make do with gin, with gin We had to make do with gin Her mother she could never stand Sing rickety tickety tin Her mother she could never stand And so a cyanide soup she planned The mother died with the spoon in her hand And her face in a hideous grin, a grin He face in a hideous grin. She weighted her brother down with stones Sing rickety tickety tin She weighted her brother down with stones And sent him off to Davey Jones All they ever found were some bones And occasional pieces of skin, of skin Occasional pieces of skin. She set her sister's hair on fire Sing rickety tickety tin She set her sister's hair on fire And as the smoke and flame rose higher Danced around the funeral pyre Playing a violin, -olin Playing a violin. One day she had nothing to do Sing rickety tickety tin One day she had nothing to do She cut her baby brother in two And served him up as an Irish stew And invited the neighbours in, -bours in Invited the neighbours in. And when at last the police came by Sing rickety tickety tin And when at last the police came by Her little pranks she did not deny To do so she would have had to lie And lying she knew was a sin, a sin And lying she knew was a sin. And just one thing before I go Sing rickety tickety tin And just one thing before I go There's something I think that you ought to know They had no proof, so they let her go And they say that she's tall and thin, and thin They say that she's tall and thin. My tragic tale I won't prolong Sing rickety tickety tin My tragic tale I won't prolong I hope you lile my little song You've yourself to blame if it's too long You should never have let me begin, begin You should never have let me begin. |
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24 Apr 20 - 10:56 AM (#4048142) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: John MacKenzie Bruce Wayne went to the batroom. |
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24 Apr 20 - 11:27 AM (#4048150) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Rapparee From outside comes the neighing of a rearing horse and the words, "Easy, steady, Big Fellow!" He ties his steed, named Yttrium after the rare earth element, to the hitching rail. Adjusting his sword belt he strides through the Old West Bat Wing Door To The Saloon Door and enters, a beautiful trumpet in his hand. He says in a commanding voice, "This (and he holds the instrument aloft) is the only trumpet I will ever purchase! Yes! This is the last trump!" And after he disentangles it from his sword he raises it to his lips. |
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24 Apr 20 - 12:24 PM (#4048165) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Dave the Gnome The Gnome is confused. He knows it isn't Christmas get but senses beer... |
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24 Apr 20 - 12:40 PM (#4048167) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: keberoxu You rock, Fledermaus! |
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24 Apr 20 - 12:55 PM (#4048173) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Raggytash Ye Gods Senoufou. I didn't know what a Mapouka was so I typed into Google! To say I was astounded is an understatement!! |
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24 Apr 20 - 01:01 PM (#4048177) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy I ba biè! squeaks the bat, eying the dances. |
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24 Apr 20 - 01:30 PM (#4048193) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou It's a bit like twerking Raggytash, and it helps if one is...er ...broad on the beam. Mrrzy, mon époux a traduit tes mots de Malinke pour moi!!!! Gaaaaagh!!! Having spanked the bat, Old Lady helps to serve the Fiery Horror meals, with plenty of indigestion remedies to hand. |
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24 Apr 20 - 02:02 PM (#4048206) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Rex Well I hope de bat he don't come out and fly in me face tonight! |
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24 Apr 20 - 02:24 PM (#4048210) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Raggytash Did you actually look for it on Google! The choice was "interesting" to say the least! |
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24 Apr 20 - 05:01 PM (#4048241) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: John C. Bunnell [somewhere in Darkest Suburbia] A middle-aged, bespectacled gentleman whose cinnamon-and-salt hair (not salt-and-pepper, since it had been brown rather than black in prior years, and not salt-and-cinnamon, because the cinnamon was still winning narrowly) was rather in need of a trim set down the book he'd been reading. There hadn't been anything so loud as a siren, nor so easily seen in the sky as a Bat-Signal, but he'd felt an unmistakeable thrum in the back of his head. It wasn't so urgent as John Steed telling Mrs. Peel "We're needed", but there was still a certain summoning quality to the thrum that strongly encouraged its recipient to answer. And so the gentleman padded from living room to kitchen to home office, gathering a glass and a box of crackers as he went, and sat down at his computer. [further down and further in] The bespectacled gentleman who walks into the Mudcat through one of its more mundane entrances (tucked into a neighborhood strip mall between a rent-a-mailbox place and a sub sandwich shop) bears a strong resemblance to the one from Darkest Suburbia -- if one subtracts a dozen years, most of the salt from the properly trimmed salt-and-cinnamon hair, and several inches from around the waist. He's also rather better dressed: black slacks, a vividly purple button-down shirt, a lightweight charcoal-colored sweater vest, and a dark tweed driving cap. A wide silver and onyx bracelet snugly encircles his right wrist, a silver ring with a round purple stone occupies his right ring finger, and he carries a slim black walking stick likewise capped in silver, though its inset gem is nearly walnut-sized, ice-blue in color, and cut in a sharp-edged diamond pattern. On hearing the musicians (and in particular, the last verses of the Lehrer song) he smiles in genuine pleasure, though his eyes sweep the room with no small care. After a moment, he heads for a small table along one wall, neither too near nor too far from the performers, and catches the eye of a passing waitress. "Root beer for me," he says, "and a basket of onion rings, if I might." "Of course. And a name, sir for the order?" The gentleman takes a moment before answering. "Put me down as the Agent, capital-A," he says. "Like the Doctor, only not alien. It's rather a long story." The waitress gives him an are-you-sure look, then shrugs and writes it down. |
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24 Apr 20 - 11:08 PM (#4048292) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Rex, if you want a small mammal to sit on your face, I recommend the rabbit. I'm sure it'll be in at some point. |
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25 Apr 20 - 11:22 AM (#4048386) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Severn A rattletrap Blue 2002 Hyundai pulls into the parking lot next to a pool cleaning service truck that says "Dirty Pool?" ,the and Severn gets out, waves to be hatchback in the bell tower and stops to chat with Les tHe Lawn Moor sitting on front keeping watch and finally walks in the front door. He walks slowly up to the bartender, who for years we assumed was an alligator because he was from Louisiana, but was found last year to really be a crocodile, and orders a Zevia Ginger Ale and asks if, since mmario is gone, if anyone in the kitchen can still make one of his famous auroch-on-roll sandwiches, and was told that they still had the ingredients, so he orders one and hopes it will still taste as good with the new kitchen staff in place. Severn looks at the pool service members cursing because they never had to clean a rather funky Jello pool before. He assumes that Mr. and Mrs. Squid and all the squidlings are outside he magic door in the back that leads to a sunny beach a?l year and cavorting in the ocean until the pool is refilled with Jello. |
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25 Apr 20 - 11:59 AM (#4048392) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Severn That's hunchack. Damned autocorrect! With mmario gone, who's running the kitchen? I hear a banjo and singing back here. Is someone with Dinah? If so, they'd better tend to the diners instead, as the place is beginning to fill up...... There is a special stool marked "Amos" that shall remain vacant..... |
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25 Apr 20 - 12:01 PM (#4048395) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: keberoxu Hunch Back, sadly ... |
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25 Apr 20 - 01:26 PM (#4048407) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy The bat, tooralooraing, is squeakily circling the large African, thus liberating the chair at the hightop. Guano is good for hair, right? |
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25 Apr 20 - 02:09 PM (#4048414) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou Due to the Lockdown, Smiling African Man hasn't been to the hairdresser for many weeks and his hair is so long and bushy he looks like a Hottentot. The guano may help to smooth it flat perhaps? |
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25 Apr 20 - 08:00 PM (#4048457) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: keberoxu Are the Squids and their squidlets under quarantine somewhere? |
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25 Apr 20 - 08:27 PM (#4048460) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: JennieG The wombat wakes, yawns, stretches, and ambles out of the burrow, eyes squinting against the morning sun. "This is the crack of dawn" it grumbles......"fergawdssake someone shove a rag in the crack, I haven't finished sleeping". It shuffles off slowly, exiting stage left...... |
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25 Apr 20 - 10:47 PM (#4048483) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy The bat sends a round of hot whiskies to the musicians, secretly ultrasonically warbling a medley of Ukelele Lady, Borneo Bay, both by association to Hottentots, and Botany Bay, suggested by Borneo Bay. It clashes horribly with the tooralooras but nobody can notice. If you kiss even if you've got a corn-eo, farewell to your bricks and mort-eo... |
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26 Apr 20 - 04:25 AM (#4048535) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Roger the Skiffler Sorry guys. there has been panic buying of jello, I couldn't get any to fill the pool, so don't dive in yet. RtS |
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26 Apr 20 - 07:49 AM (#4048574) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy I heard jesus saves, but the mongol hoards. |
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26 Apr 20 - 08:56 AM (#4048592) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: keberoxu Don't anybody spit into the pit. |
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26 Apr 20 - 09:03 AM (#4048598) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler A 6'2" stranger wearing a variable size rucksack materializes outside the door (it would be rude to materialize inside) and enters. It is the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler. He approaches the bar and orders: A tasty lancashire cheese sandwich A wensleydale cheese and picalily sandwich A pickled cabbage and salad cream sandwich A banana and brown sugar sandwich A pint of diet Irn Bru. He checked ahead by retroactive email. He retires to a comfy sofa takes off his high heel boots (planta fasciitis he explains in response to startled looks and consues the above order slowly and with pleasure. "Oh I nearly forgot" he says and pulls a peculiar laptop that shimmers in an out of exisstence from his rucksack. He sends an email asking if the tavern can supply his dietry needs. After a few moments he receives an affirmative reply. "Good" he says "I hate paradoxes". "Now can anyone direct me to the model railway room?" |
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26 Apr 20 - 11:26 AM (#4048646) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Severn Keberoxu, While the Jello pit is being fully cleaned for the first time in some years, I would think the Squid Family would be outside the back door to the far left that always opens onto a sunny beach.If you don't see them, they are probably underwater, so look under 'W'. If that doesn't work, look under'S' for Squid or 'C' for Cephalopods. That failing,you can go in swimming after them or just stand at the edge of the water and sing out "J-E-L-L-O" like they used to do on the old Jack Benny radio shows after Don Wilson finished reading one of the ghastly Jello recipes that the audience. However, they are inn fact sequestered in the deep until the pool cleaning crew is finished with the ugly (possibly ugliest) task they've been assigned. To bring them in too early could cause disaster and confusion. They'll be back soon enough.... While the swindlers are gone and there is no Christmas tree, it is safe to lay your belongings on the floor or use one of the lockers in back by the magic door to the beach. Come winter, anything not nailed down becomes tree decorations thanks to Billy The Sqidlet and his cohorts. The other doors back there could be different things at different times. One led to the Yellow Brick Road one year, but alas, more often than not, they have let other creatures in, such as whales, a giant caterpillar, a huge moth, a flock of bats and other creatures great and small. The beach is the only constant. One opens them cautiously.... |
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26 Apr 20 - 12:47 PM (#4048662) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy The bat puts on dark sunglasses, and goes out to hang out on the beach with another hot whisky. |
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26 Apr 20 - 05:17 PM (#4048727) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler is led to one of the doors at the back. It has a new notice on it "Hobby rooms". Underneath in smaller lettering it says "Removal of the above notice can lead to temporal and spacial discontinuity". Inside is a second door with a notice saying "Be aware that entrance to the hobby rooms can be a source of temporal flow rate anomalies. Please do not leave before you enter." Through the second door is a long corridor with labelled doors. He passes many including "Driftwood collection as art", "Fire walking", "Lithographic repairs", "Oxford comma deletion society, and eventually finds "Railway and railroad modelling, including tramways". He opens the door and a few lights come on showing a small area in a vast two storey space. He is on an upper floor overlooking row upon row of model railways. Stairways descend between layouts and into the central areas of those that are circular. A sign indicates a stairway to one side and behind him is "Workshops, machine shops, paint shops, casting, etching and 3D printing." The way forward towards the array of layouts is signed "Replica model layout collection, if you cannot find what you seek please ask by speaking aloud using the preface 'I know I've put it somewhere'". As he moves forward more lights come on, showing layouts that he remembers from his youth and since, The Madder Valley, The Sherwood Section, Lagoona and Silver Waters, Pendon Dartmoor and Vale and many more. The door behind him closes. Will anyone tamper with the notice outside? |
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26 Apr 20 - 09:47 PM (#4048775) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Rapparee Ha!, he thinks! I got the Last Haircut before the gov'nur shut down the hair salons, the hare salons, the air salons, and the weresalons. Whilst the rest of those present present unkempt hair so long it would take the Rake of Lock to neaten them, I have presentable head grass. And he says to the barkeep, "A bumper of Talisker, neat, would be neat!" |
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27 Apr 20 - 04:27 AM (#4048814) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler The Black Belt Caterpillar is examining the operator manual for the Gorre & Daphetid layout. He is puzzled by some of the wording as he is used to UK technical terms rather than USA ones. "I wonder if I can getsome help" he muses then remembers. "I know I've put it somewhere" he said loudly, "Can anyone interpret this instruction for me?" "Yes Thir" says a voice imediately behind him. "Who are you" he enquires, turning. "Igor thir" is the reply. He studies the pattern of head stitching closely. "Shouldn't you be in the Terry Pratchett Room?" "We like to help out, and thome of the stuff in here is right up my sthreet". |
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27 Apr 20 - 05:08 AM (#4048818) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler Igor suggests that it is time for some refreshment as they have been operating model railways for six hours now. He knows a man with an obsession when he sees one. They leave the railway room and wander down the corridor to the hobby rooms dedicated canteen. On the way they pass a door which has been boarded up with planks nailed across it. “What is in there?” Asks the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler. “Thaths the Creative Writing room. It jutht got too recursive”. |
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27 Apr 20 - 08:20 AM (#4048845) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy The bat is wondering why it is still noon. What is this place, Ringworld? |
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27 Apr 20 - 08:34 AM (#4048850) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler Our two ferroequinologists are returning to the model railway room after a substantial meal including lasagne and knickerbocker glories with cake and coffee to follow. The door of the creative writing room has something thumping at it from the inside. “What could that be?” asks the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestling. “Probably something reacting to you standing here” “Oh no, not Arrakis all over again, I told them sandworms are nothing to do with caterpillars!” |
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27 Apr 20 - 08:37 AM (#4048851) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler The door of the creative writing room bursts open with a cacophony of weird sounds and a strange object like a cast iron Victorian greenhouse floats into the corridor, suspended several inches above the floor. Several occupants turn to stare at BBCW and Igor. They are thin, but not fragile, flightless avians with colourful clothing. A door diagonally across the corridor opens and the apparition speeds off through it. It closes again. “What room is that?” “Shcience Fiction fandom” “Ah, the subways of Tazoo”. |
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27 Apr 20 - 08:45 PM (#4049017) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Rapparee As he drinks he lets the Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem sing of him. |
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28 Apr 20 - 04:13 AM (#4049055) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler Back at the model railway room the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler asks Igor if there is any particular exhibit that he would suggest to look at next. Igor leads him to an aisle labelled “Roland Emmet” and points him to “The Oysterperch and Far Twittering Railway”. “Oh, I loved this back in the 1950’s. I saw it in Cheltenham in a department store!” He puts on a tall stovepipe hat hanging from a hook alongside the control panel. After some intense railway operation there is a pause. Igor: “Have you looked at the unbuilt layoutsh yet thir?” BBCW: “What the ones that I imagined?” Igor: “Yesh shir, all thingsh are poshible in an infinite universe.” BBCW: “This is an infinite universe?” Igor: “Bigger, we don’t tend to think that shmall sir”. BBCW “I am impressed, but I suppose that’s what you get with pan-dimensional, multi-person solipsism.” |
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28 Apr 20 - 09:54 AM (#4049104) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Rapparee And as he starts a second flagon (this time of mead) he remember his past past and sings under his breath a song he once heard that made him think of comrades past. |
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28 Apr 20 - 10:45 AM (#4049111) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler An alarm rings inside the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler’s rucksack. He pulls out a battered old style alarm clock and switches it off. “I have an appointment in an hour” he says, if my opponent can find me”. Igor gives him a curious look. “It’s in the rules” BBCW explains with a shrug. |
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28 Apr 20 - 12:40 PM (#4049136) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler It is subjectively an hour later and the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler has returned to the bar, making sure that he left the hobby room corridor after he had entered it. “Has anyone seen my opponent?” he asks and reaches into his rucksack to arm himself. “Well, I’ll just limber up anyway.” |
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28 Apr 20 - 12:47 PM (#4049141) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: keberoxu Any plans for Calendimaggio or Kalenda Maya? |
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28 Apr 20 - 08:06 PM (#4049202) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: keberoxu where 'd everybody go? |
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28 Apr 20 - 09:04 PM (#4049212) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Donuel beyond the observable horizon |
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29 Apr 20 - 03:48 AM (#4049247) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler has been given a note. “Ah, my opponent has been delayed. Apparently he went looking for me and got a little tied up”. “What happenend?” he is asked. “He went in the wrong hobby room: macramé. I suppose I shall have to go and rescue him”. He packs up his equipment. |
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29 Apr 20 - 08:40 AM (#4049309) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy The bat rolls over so the hot noonday sun can soak through to the middle. Another few hours of noonday sun will be enough for the nonce... The monk-ce are another story. |
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29 Apr 20 - 09:26 AM (#4049321) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Donuel April came in like a hungry lion and leaves like an angry panagolin. The tavern has a new drink, the Covidiot Cocktail - Sherry, Lysol and opioids. Its breath taking. I thought the cover charge to get in was a bit steep even if it did include taking my temp. |
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29 Apr 20 - 10:25 AM (#4049334) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler returns to the bar accompanied by a remarkably similar looking man. They are chatting and joking together and their clothing gives evidence of there having been a struggle of some sort. “Well, that should be the last we see of the Sisal String Monster”. “This is Millimodels, who was to have been my opponent, my otherworld twin” he answers to a question from one of the barmaids, “We were separated before birth”. “How does that work?” “I once asked Multivac” says Millimodels, “The reply was ‘The matter admits of no explanation’” “So, it didn’t know” “No, it wouldn’t admit to knowing”. “Anyway, did someone mention crumpets?” |
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29 Apr 20 - 01:55 PM (#4049368) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler A 6'2" stranger wearing a variable size rucksack materializes outside the tavern door. It is the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler - again. He gets a sudden feeling of déjà vu for the second time. He looks at the personal timeline setting on his watch. “Bugger!” he says and turns away muttering “And I was really looking forward to crumpets”. |
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29 Apr 20 - 02:31 PM (#4049376) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou In mid-Mapouka the Old Lady notices BBCW and hurries over with a steaming plate of lovely buttered crumpets. Smiling African Man helps him off with his variable-size rucksack and he's ushered into the Tavern, where people are chatting and beginning to sing some traditional songs. A scruffy old white cat is stretched out on a sofa in the corner. It's Sam the Skull! |
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29 Apr 20 - 07:54 PM (#4049435) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: keberoxu May Day is day after tomorrow. |
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29 Apr 20 - 10:24 PM (#4049458) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Smelling buttered crumpets, the bat eagerly quits the beach (knowing that, no matter [or energy] the time [or space] in the Tavern it is always noon at this here beach) and whirls widdershins around the wonder-footed African man's head, squeaking L'Abidjanaise somehow amazingly in harmony with the tooralooras. Of course from the African's point of view, looking up, the bat is moving clockwise. |
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30 Apr 20 - 01:37 AM (#4049472) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Rapparee Finally finishing five flagons, carefully rises and saunters over to the door to the Jello pit where the giant squid lives with the squidlets. "HI SQUIDDY!" he calls out. "Long time no see -- and for you, no sea!" As the tentacles squirm out he says, "No need to arm yourself! Just wave hello." |
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30 Apr 20 - 03:07 AM (#4049484) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou African Man holds out a toasty-warm foot for the bat to settle on and heat himself up. (All bats in the Tavern are certified Covid19-free by the way) Old Lady can't for the life of her remember if 'jello' is jam or jelly. But Squiddy is given a welcoming hug (a bit squishy with all those tentacles) |
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30 Apr 20 - 05:44 AM (#4049509) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler Having been ushered in and plied with crumpets the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler is now unsure whether he is here in more than one iteration. Having multiple instances of himself in one place gets very confusing. In addition he is not sure if Millimodels is really his twin brother or just another one of himself playing a low key waiting game. It could be, he knows he could do that. Who cares when there are crumpets? |
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30 Apr 20 - 06:41 AM (#4049514) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou More crumpets are flying out of the huge toaster, while Old Lady hums "Salut o terre d'espérance..." and liberally daubs butter on them. "Now what DOES 'jello' refer to?" she wonders. |
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30 Apr 20 - 09:16 AM (#4049545) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Bat (scrumpf scrumpf) is dripping butter between toasty toes, without apology (scrumpf crunch drip drip, ô with what relief I kip!)... |
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30 Apr 20 - 09:16 AM (#4049546) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler The Black Belt Caterpillar is very full of crumpets. He knows just what he needs to finish off the meal/snack/banquet. He advances to the bar. “A pickled cabbage and salad cream sandwich please”. “Happy to get you that. There’s a bit of a run on them today, must be four people ordered them today”. “Four?” The BBCW looks worried. “Make that five” says a voice from further along behind the bar. |
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30 Apr 20 - 10:46 AM (#4049561) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler There is a knock at the tavern door. The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler turns and sees the figure of himself entering the bar. “Critical mass!” he shouts and a moment later there are several implosions around the room as Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestlers vanish and the air rushes in to fill the voids. One Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler remains, standing swaying in the middle of the room. “Do you still want all these pickled cabbage and salad cream sandwiches?” |
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30 Apr 20 - 01:30 PM (#4049579) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Rapparee And he thinks to himself, Jell-o® is a flavo(u)red gelatin something like aspic, but sold in boxes in the groceries. Being gelatin it will supposedly help build long, strong fingernails (and he assumes, toenails) but for the life of him he doesn't understand how. Nails, at least on the human body, are made of keratin, just like hair or the horn of a rhinoceros, and so why don't those poor deluded folks who use rhino horn as a medicine/aphrodisiac just collect finger and toe nail clippings and let the rhinos alone? But then, he often muses to himself. |
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30 Apr 20 - 02:18 PM (#4049581) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou "Ah!" mutters the daft Old Lady. "Jelly! Jelly! Now I remember!" She opens the large fridge behind the bar and takes out a huge wobbly strawberry jelly, serves it up in several dessert dishes with a generous dollop of dairy ice-cream on each, and hands them round. The dear little bat detaches itself from the warm toes of Smiling African Man, flutters its wings and gobbles up its portion of jelly and ice cream. |
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30 Apr 20 - 03:50 PM (#4049604) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Another hot whiskey follows... And a quick dip back in the nointime sea to wash the butter off. Hot whiskeys for the musicians, too, raloorah! |
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01 May 20 - 04:56 AM (#4049694) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler sings "The first of May". Then he eats more sandwiches. |
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01 May 20 - 05:52 AM (#4049701) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou Outside in the grounds a Maypole has been erected, with several coloured ribbons. All the Mudcatters head outside and each takes a ribbon, except for the musicians who strike up some lively May music. The dance continues until the ribbons have formed a plaited design around the pole. The sun shines and the birds are singing. Everyone feels blissfully happy. Even BBCW, who has left his pile of sandwiches on a table while he plays his instrument with feeling! |
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01 May 20 - 09:56 AM (#4049753) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Hooray, hooray, the first of May! The bat forgot their shades when maypoling and so flits back into the Tavern, squeaking ultrasonically about belts and tains and all... with a slight headache. Totally worth it. A hot whiskey and a glass of ice, please. The ice goes into a recently-emptied-of-white-widow, or maybe -sour-diesel, baggie for the back of the bat's neck, aaah. All better, the bat flits over to hang upside down above the musicians, warbling sonically in their deepest possible voice, slightly above a human prepubescent treble. Despite their large, flat nose, their harmonies are not too nasal, so the musicians don't mind... Requests! Shouts the harpist, knocking back a large bloody mary. Sure and have ye not anything ye'll be wanting to hear? |
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01 May 20 - 06:31 PM (#4049858) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: keberoxu ... and while everybody is first-of-Maying outdoors, I imagine Sam the Skull surreptitiously stealing the food they left inside the Tavern ... |
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01 May 20 - 09:31 PM (#4049875) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Rapparee Yes! he answers! I have something I want to hear, but I can't remember the title. It's about a gallant young man and a beautiful maid and how they fall in love and somebody dies or maybe goes away and never returns. There's a villain in it too, I think! Please play and sing it! |
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02 May 20 - 03:52 AM (#4049897) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou Yes keberoxu, and he's also weed on some of the furniture, the little blighter! |
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03 May 20 - 05:11 AM (#4050078) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler is dozing on a comfy sofa. His fingers are twitching because he knows subconsciously that he should be playing in the session in the Swan at Upton right now. |
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03 May 20 - 08:39 AM (#4050110) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Ah, there is weed on the furniture. That makes the there-is-only-melted-ice-in-my-baggie-now bat happy. The harpist goes into a riff and makes Rap's day, or evening, or something / sometime. The rest of the trio joins in, and play the lovely ballad with lovers where someone dies. It is a beautiful rensition, and there are a few tears and some mist in many eyes. From the sad love ballad they then go into a rousing version of that happy war song made so famous by the Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem, who (well, Tommy Makem) had actually written the sad love song, but in a manner so traditional as to make it seem hundreds of years old. The stomping of the crowd in their enthusiasm at the rousing march loosens the bat's grip on the rafters, but a rather sudden fall is gracefully turned into a fell swoop. There are fewer tears and less mist in the eyes of the grammar pedant... |
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03 May 20 - 12:21 PM (#4050142) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Donuel I tried checking the address of the tavern on my GPS but there is no #2 Bedpan Alley. There is only a dive in Atlanta called Northside with music severn nites a week. |
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03 May 20 - 12:33 PM (#4050144) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler Any suggestions for an appropriate what3words address? Or would it need four words to define it's location? Robin |
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03 May 20 - 02:08 PM (#4050157) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy The grammar pedants snicker into their Guinnesses. |
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03 May 20 - 04:35 PM (#4050188) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler Would that be Which Tyler, leader of the pedants' revolt? Robin (sneaking a question while the Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler dozes). |
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03 May 20 - 06:02 PM (#4050202) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Severn The Janitor gets up and tells his twin sister Janet, who looks almost like him but a little less so, "I'll be right back. Crumb Pits, indeed! We only have a Jello Pit (and the odd peach pit lying under the table with the fruit bowl on it). If any of those crumbs from whatever Limey food they're eating gets into the Squid family's Jello Pit, there'll be the Devil to pay!" " I didn't know Satan wore a hairpiece. ", said Janet, completely seriously. " You just sit there and keep completely silent until I get back",he grumbled . "Afraid the squids will get upset again? "Bah!" He reached out an arm that looked like It had a number of permanent sucker marks on it and grabbed a wide custodian's broom and a dust pan and went to where the crumpeters were sounding a loud fanfare on behalf of the new supply being brought out...... |
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03 May 20 - 08:18 PM (#4050217) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Rapparee Drinking his Red Breast, he thinks to himself, "Cetheora aipgitre báse: báithe, condailbe, imresan, doingthe." Good Irish whisky always makes him ting in Irish. Squiddy's young ones, meanwhile are sucking up spilled drinks. Two more bats, confused vampire bats, are sucking up Bloody Marys and getting far more for their effort than mere blood ever gave them. |
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03 May 20 - 10:30 PM (#4050228) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Severn Severn comes back from having to go back home (literally) and do a radio show on May Day morning. While in the parking lot, he falls in a long black fuzzy creature wearing a belt of black, who makes a requestl Now, Severn had seen a creature of a similar sort in here years ago, a giant caterpillar who danced the tango all night with Alice, but you would have to go back in the archives to find out more. Severn was new in here the and his memory fails hiD. Anyway, Severn sticks his head inside and calls out, "Hey, BBCW!" an d several voices cry out, "Yeah?" "there's this giant black caterpillar wearing a belt outside calling any or all of you going by those initials to come out in the lot and that he can lick any or all human beings who would try to claim otherwise. He says let's gets this defense of honor and title business over with, as he has to be somewhere by Moth-er's Day. Any takers?" Severn then comes in, sits down, orders a Stevie Black Cherry soda and settles in intending to mind his own business from here on in...... |
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04 May 20 - 04:25 AM (#4050259) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler “You need to go out and meet this giant caterpillar that’s looking for you” The Black Belt Caterpillar wrestler is told. He rises and picking up his rucksack goes to the door. “Is that you, Harold?” he asks. “Yeah, it’s time for a showdown”. The Black Belt Caterpillar reaches into his rucksack and retrieves his trusty G/D anglo concertina. Harold reaches into his bag and assembles a set of pipes. They start to play in turn, more and more intricate and faster tunes. “Wait!” calls BBCW. “Remember what day it is”. He launches into the Star Wars theme and Harold picks up a counter melody. They finish together, then BBCW gently starts to play The Butterfly. “Mother!” cries Harold and bursts into tears. |
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04 May 20 - 08:56 AM (#4050351) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler and Harold are back inside the tavern sitting in a quiet corner in friendly conversation. Harold is drinking a lettuce smoothie and BBCW has the usual diet Irn Bru, which Harold is viewing suspiciously. “You are thinking, is this a recovering alcoholic, aren’t you”. Harold admits this is correct. “It’s not that, I just find that, to me, alcohol tastes vile, and as for wine! Well that taste of grapes as well!” “I’m sorry I played that trick on you with “The Butterfly”. “That’s OK, it always get me, and that version with the C part major!” They pick up their instruments and start practicing as a duo. |
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04 May 20 - 09:19 AM (#4050365) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Severn "Not quite a wrestling match" ,thinks Severn, "but a whole lot more pleasant and less dangerous. Why, it's fully a half hour since High Noon, and they're still going at it, peacefully, tunefully and most delightfully."..... |
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04 May 20 - 01:47 PM (#4050469) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy The bat is drunkenly missing the door (portal?) to the beach where it is always noon. Less port, maybe...? |
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04 May 20 - 02:38 PM (#4050477) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler Harold's pipes have some very high frequency harmonics. Perhaps they are scrambling the bat's echo location! |
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04 May 20 - 03:18 PM (#4050487) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Severn Less port. More Starboard. That, or someone hold the door steady. And it IS a door. Portholes are small and round. "Or get 'im an' 'is friends a chauffeur." somebody says. "We need somebody to drive them bats.Then they'll at least have somethin' to chauffeur it all. " ...... "He'll have something to show. " says Severn. I will give each drunken bat his own bell, free. That way we will hear them coming. I'll just hang it around his neck.....There!..... With a jingle and a bang, the bat hits the door frame and falls unconscious to the floor. "He's out for this round!" When those two jam, the radar jams as well.. |
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04 May 20 - 03:56 PM (#4050497) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Severn Gnu asks, Are they like birds? If I sprinkle some of this salt on his tail, like this, he won't be able to fly, right?..... The local constable grabs gnu by the arm, saying, OK, son, you're coming with me. " "What's the charge, officer? " a salt and Bat-ery, son.... " "What's up' with the batter? Shake him. See, if there was any battery there, he doesn't seem to have any charge! "You've got a point there. Case dismissed! Sorry, can I by you a beer?" With that, the bat shakes his head, shakes his tail and still wondering where the extra, noise is coming from, leaps into the air flaps his wimgs, flies right into a wall, and with a jingle and thud, falls back unconscious again. The constable and gnu order a round of Turkey Turd beer at the bar..... |
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04 May 20 - 05:28 PM (#4050510) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou African Man and the Old Lady hurry outside and gently help the dazed bat to wake up. They lift it back into the Tavern and offer some excellent Glenfiddich whisky and a newly-toasted crumpet. Comfortably installed on the sofa, the bat begins to smile. Phew! Meanwhile, African Man unlocks a large door, opens it wide and reveals a warm sunny beach, with wavelets lapping and some comfy sunbeds in a row. The Tavern folk stroll out and apply suntan lotion on their bare bits. Some have a paddle, some are playing volleyball and others are considering a long swim. Squiddy is delirious - this is better than a jelly pit! In the distance on the beach, a row of very pretty African ladies appear, performing the Mapouka... |
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04 May 20 - 10:20 PM (#4050544) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Ah, I was just checking to see if I had reawakened yet. If it's been a while since sunscreen, all Irish reapply! |
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05 May 20 - 12:00 PM (#4050649) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler Harold and the BBCW are arranginga medley of Beach Boys numbers in a folk style for Concertina and pipes. |
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05 May 20 - 01:17 PM (#4050664) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou Old Lady is delighted - all the Beach Boy songs are excellent! |
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05 May 20 - 07:45 PM (#4050735) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Tattie Bogle Oh dear, late to the party again! "In comes I" says the tardy Tattie Bogle, then launches into "If it wasnae for your wellies". Old Lady frowns, so TB switches to singing "California Girls". One of the bats has hitched a ride on her shoulder, but soon flies off when he hears the concertina and pipes. Tattie settles down to a very large crumpet drenched in butter, which gives her enough energy to try the Mapouka with African ladies. She then re-arranges all the sunbeds to be exactly 2.0000000000 metres apart, before taking off her wellies and sprawling full length on one. |
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06 May 20 - 03:15 AM (#4050762) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou The frown on Old Lady's face was merely due to a touch of indigestion (far too many crumpets!) and she begs TB to sing the Wellies song right through, so she can join in, using her best Glasgae accent. African Man hasn't a clue what it all means, but he's heard the song many many times on Youtube (Old Lady has a habit of playing it over and over) so he does his best to sing along. TB's attempt at the Mapouka is mind-blowing. Loud applause from all the pretty African ladies. |
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06 May 20 - 09:51 AM (#4050829) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy The diff between Walt Disney and a Scotsman is that the Scotsman wears a kilt, but Walt disnae, squeaks the bat in an awful fake burr, dripping crumpet butter and scattering crumbs. Loud opprobrium from all the Africans, be they pretty or ladies, or both, or neither, as well as from everyone else, chases the grinning bat back into the rafters. The bartenders are thinking of cutting them off (the bat, not the Africans). |
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07 May 20 - 06:52 PM (#4051111) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: keberoxu What is the Mudcat Tavern doing for Moth-er's Day, anyhow? |
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08 May 20 - 09:01 AM (#4051208) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Mothers of all genders, mothers of invention, mothers of pearl, and even moths all get free drinks. |
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08 May 20 - 09:02 AM (#4051209) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy But moths get cut off. |
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08 May 20 - 09:49 AM (#4051216) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Donuel All the songs about pandemic I heard in the tavern were morbid or profane. Suddenly STEEL DRUMS pick up my spirit with zippy calypso beat and a tune we all already know. You know, the one sung by a red crab. Finally I hear A Happy pandemic tune Under the sea: The sickest are always greener In somebody else's State You dream about going 'up' there But that is a big mistake Just look at the world around you Right here at blue heaven's gate Such wonderful things surround you What is your ultimate fate? In Quarantine In Quarantine Each little griever Down with a fever Take it from me Up in Montana they work all day In the meat plants they slave away The Navy's devotin' No Hospital boatin' Docked in the bay Out there all the folks is happy Like hot dogs snug in their roll The old in a home ain't happy They sad 'cause they got a cold But folks on the phone are lucky on a cruise you have a worser fate One day everyones sickly eatin off the same ol' plates In quarantine In quarantine Nobody beat us We jus breathed dust Stuff we can't see Its the old folks who are on the hook Lots of food for the young to cook They got no troubles Life is all bubbles In quarantine (out on the beach) In quarantine Since life is sweet here We got the beat here Naturally (Naturally) Even the doctor and the nurse They get the surge an ride the hearse We got the spirit You got to hear it Above the streets Yeah, In quarantine In Quarantine playin the B ball life is in free fall. In Quarantine The mail man can play The grocers on strings The krauts rockin' out The agent she sings The spanic and the black They know where it's at An' oh that trumpet blow Yeah, In quarantine In quarantine When the projects Begin the concert It's music to me (It's music to me) What do they got? A Stienway grand? We got a hot apartment house band Each little fam here Know how to jam here In quarantine Each little bug here Cuttin' a rug here In quarantine Each giant whale here Know how to wail here That's why it's better Under the weather Ya not much luck here Stuck in New York here in quarantine |
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08 May 20 - 11:37 AM (#4051240) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Rapparee Looking at the bartender, he remembers that a gator wearing a vest is an investigator and wonders if WHO's interested now. |
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08 May 20 - 02:28 PM (#4051277) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy A congress, a parliament and a party create a pandemonium in a congregation. The bat objects strenuously, being without its cloud. Flush the battery! quarrels the committee. The bat, in foul disgust, stops reading collective avian terminology before a murder is committed. Even one with exaltation would be a wrench, chimes a wisp of unkindness. But just then there is a loud crash... |
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08 May 20 - 03:27 PM (#4051287) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Donuel Tonces the cat leapt for the bat behind the bar and started a domino avalanche of liquor bottles. Without hardly moving Mryz caught a single malt scotch and began to pour into a red solo cup. |
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08 May 20 - 03:30 PM (#4051289) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: keberoxu I thought the cat was known as Sam the Skull, or is this a different cat ... |
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08 May 20 - 05:04 PM (#4051304) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Donuel Tonces (Tune-sez) is a cat who knows how to drive a car, however poorly. Just like stable genius' who know how to do things. |
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08 May 20 - 05:19 PM (#4051309) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Donuel I hear a familiar tune from the back room |
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09 May 20 - 01:51 PM (#4051471) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Tattie Bogle Old Lady and TB launch into the Wellies song again: Chorus If it wisnae fur yer wellies Where wud ye be? You'd be in the hospital Or infirmary Cause you wid hae a dose o the flu Or even pleurisy If ye didnae hae yer feet in yer wellies! Wellies they are wunderful Wellies they are swell They keep out the watter And they keep in the smell When your sittin in a room You can ayeways tell When some B***r takes aff their wellies. Chorus When ye're oot walking in the country with a bird And your strolling about the fields, like a fermer's herd And someb'dy shouts"Keep aff The grass" And you think how absurd Squelch you'll find why fermers wear wellies. TB's mind is noo well-blawn and she needs no just crumpets, but a guid wee dram o single malt: nae jello in it, please! |
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09 May 20 - 03:59 PM (#4051498) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou Glenmorangie, Glenlivet, Glenfiddich and several other single malts are offered to the very entertaining TB for her to choose, and they're all guaranteed to contain no jello. Old Lady has enjoyed the Wellie Song so much she has to sit down for a minute and compose herself. Now where is that sweet little bat? Old Lady has knitted it a soft, multi-coloured jumper to wear when the evening gets rather chilly. |
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10 May 20 - 10:07 AM (#4051618) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy The bat and the big African, with the help of all those bloody birds, are digging pits on the Ringworld beach. One will be for the old New England-style clambake, corn on the cob and so on. One will be for the whole lamb stuffed with couscous mechoui. Will we need more? The birds will turn the spit, without the smell of singeing feathers, but with the sound of singing. At least it gets the birds out of the Tavern for a while. Except for the parliament, as the nocturnal owls are wisely staying at the bar, and the penguins, whose huddle in the walk-in freezer plaintively requests mojitos. The bat, whenever the light is too much at the beach (not to mention the pit digging) but who can hear them plainly, fetches them their drinks, then brings buttered crumpets back for the pit diggers. Now everyone is buttered, and sandy, and (if mammalian) sweaty, so we have to go swim a bit. A pile of large clothes are, or is, left on the beach... |
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10 May 20 - 12:17 PM (#4051642) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou Everyone cowers fearfully as a murder of crows flies past. But they cheer up when a charm of goldfinches follows, and a mischief of magpies. (Old Lady would spit if only one magpie were in view, as this cancels the bad luck. But more than one is all right). In the sea, African Man is paddling tentatively up to his knees (he cannot swim) but Old Lady plunges in. (She floats like a cork) Unfortunately, the mischief of magpies has seized the clothes lying on the beach. Helped by a flotilla of very naughty swans, they fly away. Now everyone will have to return to the Tavern in their wet underwear! Oh dear! Oh dear! |
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10 May 20 - 01:29 PM (#4051655) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Who wears underwear [evil grin]? |
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10 May 20 - 01:41 PM (#4051658) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou Old Lady rolls on the floor laughing as the naughty little bat flaps back into the Tavern completely nude. But the newly knitted jumper is ready, and it is soon enveloped in warm woolly comfort. Fortunately the parliament of owls has pursued the other birds and recovered all the clothes. Now, anyone for more buttered crumpets? Real ale? Various malt whiskies? And Old Lady has some fruit scones just coming out of the oven. It is African Man's birthday today, so once the sun goes down he can eat some scones (it's Ramadan) and a huge portion of the Fiery Horror curry. |
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10 May 20 - 06:36 PM (#4051708) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Hippo birdie deer ewe! squeaks the bat at that news, whirling widdershins about the large African's hasn't-been-to-the-barber-in-a wild hairdo and showering his cold (yet still cuddly) feet with soft, warmed-at-the-fire tie-dyed socks... Of course, from the African's point of view, looking upward, the bat is again circling clockwise. < |
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12 May 20 - 07:48 AM (#4051986) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Is the mechoui ready? How about the clambake? |
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12 May 20 - 07:55 AM (#4051989) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Donuel I got a bit peckish and had a fried bat on a stick. Covid be damned. |
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12 May 20 - 04:36 PM (#4052099) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy The bat hopes their cousin was delicious! |
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12 May 20 - 06:31 PM (#4052121) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Severn Billy The Squid and his rowdy gang of squidlings, through consuming the spilt whiskey off the floor, go back outside to the beach to find that birds have already flown off with all the shed clothing, which foiled their plot to hide it all in the apiary for lack of a Christmas tree to hang them on. They look around for other pranks to be played. Meanwhile, the fate of the missing clothing remains unknown..... |
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12 May 20 - 07:27 PM (#4052124) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Who needs clothes when you got furrrr! |
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13 May 20 - 04:02 AM (#4052160) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou Smiling African Man has grown his woolly white beard considerably, not to mention his literally 'afro' hair, and says he'll hardly feel the cold in merely his underwear. But Old Lady is tutting loudly, and has A Plan. She sends for Sam The Skull, who brings his housemates along too, and they hunt assiduously for the missing clothes, having been promised a reward of delicious cooked chicken slices and a large bowl of milk. They are also instructed to keep Billy the Squid and the other very naughty mischief-makers under their eye, and order is restored. "This is a bit like a classroom..." mutters Old Lady. "Er...wait........" |
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13 May 20 - 04:35 AM (#4052169) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Shug Hanlan Channelling my inner Matt McGinn. ON YOUR BIKE (AGAIN) The Norman Tebbit special was still in the Bike Shed, so I went back to work in England just like Boris said. I pedalled fast and furious down roads all marked South, maintaining social distancing hardly opening my mouth. I reached the Sawmill in Manchester but never got past the door. They said that I'd been sacked over forty years before. My mood darkened further, I found my tyres were flat. The bosses shouted, "Stay Alert, you stupid Scottish twat." SHUG HANLAN |
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13 May 20 - 06:48 AM (#4052190) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou Haaaahaaaahaaaagh Shug! That's the funniest thing I've read for ages! I'm going to post it to my sister near Perth in Tayside, she'll love it! |
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13 May 20 - 07:43 AM (#4052202) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Rapparee Time for an English ballad, he thinks, and breaks out in "The Bastard King of England." |
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13 May 20 - 08:23 AM (#4052215) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy The cartoon fox and bear insist on quaffing ale and shooting arrows at crows. "Take that silly bonnet off!" mixes in... |
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13 May 20 - 12:12 PM (#4052262) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Severn Semimodo, the hunchback in the bell tower calls down to Les The Lawn Moor who guards the front entrance to catch the end of rope he is throwing down and tie it part way up the flagpole. He lowers down a long clothesline with all manner of clothing attached with wooden clothes pins. He attaches the other end in the tower the garments wet and dry flutter in the breeze. The mystery of where the birds deposited the stolen goods is solved.It got so the hunchback could hardy move, much less ring a bell up there. Les aided by his binoculars, and looks at all the underwear, some with inscriptions and some with fancy designs and he and Semimodo make bets on which ones belong to whom..... |
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13 May 20 - 01:18 PM (#4052281) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy The bat flies into the kitchen, where the flies bat the cooks. What is the deliciousness I smell? Someone opens a window onto the Ringworld beach. It's the mechoooouuuuiiiii! And the bat, seizing 16 pairs of French sunglasses, whirls out and starts pulling pieces of lamb onto a banana leaf, scoops some juice onto the couscous, and finds a pouffy anemone-looking beanbag in the shallows to gorge. Drips rinse right off that way. After a short digestive nap, the bat crawls in that weird not-flying bat locomotory fashion over to the clambake pit, gathering a large quantity of melted butter within the cone they made out if the banana leaf they'd licked clean, plus a wingful of clams and three cobs of corn, and settles back on their pouffy beanbag to overeat some more... A kind Old Lady settles nearby, dipping crumpets into the excessive amounts of melted butter in the leaf-cone stuck into the sand. An even kinder bird with slightly singed feathers pelts the bat with forgotten lemon wedges, and carefully places a nice little StJacques' shell of mignonette between bat and lady... What is for dessert? wonders the overstuffed beanbag-sitter, rolling off and into the sea for a refreshing, cleaning, and crudités-less dip. Sure hope it's got chocolate in it. And where is that white widow? |
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13 May 20 - 01:40 PM (#4052288) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou Semimodo and Les the Lawn Moor soon decide that the enormous white cotton potato sack-like bloomers are probably those of Old Lady. They need four clothes pegs to secure them to the line, and could serve as a tent for the homeless. The greedy little bat starts to snore loudly, being full to the brim with food. Old Lady pops a woolly blanket over it. Everybody is dozing off for a little siesta after their activities. Later in the evening the music will start, and lovely traditional songs will be sung. |
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13 May 20 - 05:50 PM (#4052322) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzhonkkkkkwhshshshsh... |
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16 May 20 - 08:40 AM (#4052739) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy The ghost of Ed McCurdy joins the musicians and his beautiful baritone brings the bat out of their stupor... |
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18 May 20 - 02:29 PM (#4053367) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Severn After a wonderful set ranging from classic Folksongs game and ribald, Ed's ghost sits at a table with Severn, who owned quite a few of his recordings, and listens to Severn tell of his own dream about Ed's classic "Last Night I Had the Strangest Dream", where one of the gathered World Leaders, possibly from Andorra, looked at the mess in the streets and asked who was going to clean it all up. There was much denial from all sides, resulting in loud arguments and a few cases of fisticuffs, until finally some folks stepped up ?and signed papers taking responsibility for at least parts of the cleanup and all went home The poor people who lacked clothing quickly grabbed up some of the uniforms left over from the soldiers who chose to March home in their skivvies and the odd gun or two. In the middle of the night, fleece of white trucks pulled up. Some had diplomatic plates with newly painted sides saying thing things like "Ivan's Scrap Metal", "Abdul's Salvage" , "Feng Fu's Foundry" and "Kwame's Iron Works with large crews of men filling the trucks up to the brim. Most of the plain white unmarked truck had U.S. Government plates, most, likely traceable to the CIA and it looked like there were a few independent contractors there whose trucks said "Captain Curt's Collectables", "Simon's Surplus", "Ghetto Gary's Thrifts & Gifts" and such. The next morning, another fleet of trucks that had official signed papers for them to take care of the cleanup and were surprised to find, other than the odd torn or outsized scraps of uniform.nothing but untold thousands of drums..... "Where am I supposed to take all these Damn drums?" A man in a straw hat and a sersuck sports coat steps up and says, " Excuse me sir, my name is Professor Harold Hill.... " In six months,the guns have been relocated elsewhere, the trucks have been repainted and the world was back as it was, except a few arms dealers are even richer than ever.. "Pretty impressive," Ed told Severn, " but as you see, I'm dead, so the song is all yours to write. Remember, the melody is protected for my surviving family, so that part you will have to tweak slightly yourself. " Time for my next set! I gotta go...Any requests? " 'The Trinity Cake' "You've got it! Wow! That goes back....." |
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19 May 20 - 09:35 AM (#4053602) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Severn, Ada, Nyna and Tennyson Clark arrive with their vertical smiles... Meanwhile the bat is back at the Ringworld beach scarfing the neck of the lamb, wearing shades and hanging upside-down from a sunny-side up palm frond (with no egg on their face). The smallest squidlet is farting bubbles in the tide-pool. Those nearby are fit to be tied. Most everybody else is just unfit. The crowd at the bar is no longer three-deep, but too many of its members are lawyers for the ballerinas to be able to kick up their heels in the style to which we'd all like to become accustomed. The musicians are fading, especially the ghost of Ed McCurdy, whose rich and almost furry baritone has lost its pear-shaped tones thanks to singing with a trio. The harpist is still going on and on, though. The African Man uses his marvelous feet to bring the bat another hot whiskey, walking out in his tie-dyed socks onto the hot, hot beach. A strand of his wild hair blows in the zephyr over the ivory sands of the coast as he turns back, just in time for the empty glass, slipping from the bat's greasy claws, to miss him by millimeters. The sand may be hot but it's soft, so only the fall is broken, not the glass. After all, it isn't autumn on *this* beach. It may be easy to fool some people but hot whiskey is not served in a mug... The bat, after a refreshing and cleansing dip in the surf, flutters back indoors, squeaking for crudités. Yo Yo Ma told Boutros Boutros Ghali that the couscous was so-so, but it was actually truly scrumptious, which causes Dick van Dyke to show up in some kind of noisy contraption on wheels. The gulls take exception as their colony moves through the sky above the island, dancing an arial avian scottische. A red-headed mermaid sings just beautifully along with the tooralooras, gracefully dodging the gull guano. What a lovely and promiscuous time is being had by all! |
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20 May 20 - 04:59 PM (#4054036) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler The Black Belt Caterpillar Wrestler is collected from the beach by Igor. Apparently part of the Roland Emmet railway layout that he was so taken by, having remembered seeing it in a Cheltenham department store when he was very little, has just been featured on the BBC program “The Repair Shop”. He is delighted that part of the display has survived and restored to running order. He and Igor head off to the model railway room to run the replica there. |
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21 May 20 - 07:12 PM (#4054269) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Tattie Bogle TB returns after nearly two weeks of trying out everyone's Zoom rooms, (now that IS promiscuous), and sampling all the single malts. She rolls back in for some downtime, singing "Leave us our Glens", somewhat out of tune, and narrowly missing a squirm of squidlets lying on the floor and a big bat flying overhead. She slumps on the sofa and tucks into a pile of crumpets before nodding off and snoring loudly. |
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22 May 20 - 08:22 AM (#4054333) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou Old Lady helps African Man along to a sofa (he's strained his knee while painting the corridor walls of the school, and splodged paint all over his cleaner's uniform too) and hurriedly crams lots of crumpets into the giant toaster for when Tatty Bogle wakes up. African Man invites the bat to sit beside him and to warm his sore knee muscles at the same time. Old Lady is opening pack after pack of butter for the crumpets. The Squidlets are starting to sing; they form a lovely little choir. "Knee'll Meet Again" ?? |
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22 May 20 - 11:56 AM (#4054378) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Ok *now* the bat is happy! And there will be crumpets! Dick van Dyke has parked his contraption and moved onto Norm's cheerful barstool. |
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25 May 20 - 10:42 AM (#4055087) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Refreshingly, the bat clings to the rafters of the nearly-empty Tavern... |
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26 May 20 - 03:18 AM (#4055202) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler Dick van Dyke also has connections to Roland Emmett. Emmett designed the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang car! |
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27 May 20 - 01:50 PM (#4055493) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy And Emmet means Ant, so maybe that's why there are, um, crawlies in the sugarbowl. |
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27 May 20 - 03:53 PM (#4055521) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou African Man is fighting fit again, as his knee is back to normal. He gives the bat a gentle stroke, then gets on with his work behind the bar serving up different foods and drinks. Old Lady is making rhubarb crumble for everyone, with double cream. (very slimming) She has been picking rhubarb all afternoon and it's delicious. Sam the Skull is dozing on a sofa. One of his eyes is now blind (cataract) and he looks a scraggy old thing. But he keeps smiling and purring. Old Lady is making sure he doesn't bite the bat. Please could we have some music from the Tavern clientele? Old Lady is itching to dance the Mapouka (African Man groans softly) |
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28 May 20 - 07:52 AM (#4055606) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy Drums start up from the darker corners of the Tavern. A thumb-piano joins in, plinketing... Aaaand, the bat is warbling again, but luckily too high for the humans to notice. Speaking of too high, where *is* that white widow? |
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28 May 20 - 08:34 AM (#4055614) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou I'm afraid White Widow and her little friend the Skunk aren't allowed in the Tavern because they stink. Sorry. They came into the joint once but made a hash of their visit. |
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28 May 20 - 05:15 PM (#4055714) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Mrrzy As they were leaving, did they say Oil be back? |
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28 May 20 - 06:05 PM (#4055723) Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern Reopens! From: Senoufou Old Lady is giggling at the cheeky bat. Now who's going to have a second helping of rhubarb crumble? More cream anyone? The Mapouka has been deferred until another day, because Old Lady is chock full of crumpets and crumble, and can hardly move. African Man heaves a huge sigh of relief. |