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16 Oct 23 - 07:07 AM (#4191122) Subject: Lyr Add: Town Centre Twitching From: GUEST,Graham Dixon TOWN CENTRE TWITCHING Words Graham Dixon – Trouble at’ Mill I Like to spend the weekend with binoculars to my eyes Watching all the birdies as they float around the skies Or sitting by the water in tranquility and peace Looking through my telescope at all the ducks and geese Well today was somewhat special, I planned to do a twitch With a lifer and two rarities to add upon my list I picked up my scaup and tripod my notebook and my pens I put on my green waxed jacket and polished up my bins So imagine to my horror I was so mad that I was hopping When the missus said “Put that stuff away you’re going to take me shopping”. “But dear there’s a lot about today can we do the shopping quick? There’s a little brown job in a tree quite near and I need to get the tick.” “We could do it all at Asda and be home for half past one And that would leave me plenty time to get my twitching done.” But the wife was having none of it and a tirade came my way “What I’ve got planned for you old lad is going to take all day.” Now I’ll not let this shopping spoil my day out with the birds I’ll see how many species I can spot amongst these words So I’ve bittern my lip and resigned myself to twitching round the town And if you spot any birds in here you may like to write them down I loaded up the shopping bags and grabbed the credit cards Then called into the garage to get petrel in the car They were offering free wine glasses with twenty quid or more The wife looked at the advert and said I’ll avocet of four We parked on a multi story were a bloke in a blackcap Was leaning on a Riley Kestrel talking to another chap I wondered what was causing all the smoke around his car ‘til I noticed he was puffin on a rather large cigar We went into the chemist to buy the wife a bar of soap The chemist he looked busy tying a knot in a length of rope He said “I recommend Camay, would you like to try some love?” She said I” won’t wash in camay I only bathe in dove.” There’s a hardware shop down a side street, it’s really rather quaint It sold everything from nutcrackers to rollers for emulsion paint We’d gone in to buy six teaspoons cos all of ours had broke When I saw the spoonbill fifteen quid! I said “I’ll stir mine with my fork.” A ruff looking tart in short skirt winked at me as she walked by I could tell she was promiscuous by the way she flashed her thigh I bet she does a tern I thought as she disappeared from view She looks like the type of lady who’s had a cockatoo We decided on a pub lunch and went into the White Swan A raven haired beauty stood at the bar with a real tight T shirt on Someone spilled a glass of Wicked down her ample chest It looked like two big blue tits protruding from her vest A redhead brought the menu to the table where we sat The cuckoo was in the kitchen said we could choose from that The wife said to our Martin “What would you like to scoff?” He said “No thanks! I’m fulmar and the chicken dippers off The circus was in town that day and a man in a tartan kilt Came walking down the highstreet stood on a pair of stilts He introduced himself to me and said his name was Nobby I asked him “Is this your Job?” He said “No it’s just a hobby” The sun was shining bright and there was a need for shade I stood beneath an auk tree and drank toucans of lemonade Where a lady and her husband were having a right good grouse She said “Why are you crossbill?” “Cos my cigarettes gone out.” Walking down the highstreet was a girl in mustard tights It made her look like she’d yellowlegs and she was carrying a kite A lady with a clip-board who was standing in the gutter Stopped her and asked a question “Can you tell stork from butter I was struggling for a rhyme to finish off this verse When a dirty robin bustard bumped the wife and snatched her purse I chased him swiftly as he made his run down the main road But I couldn’t run as fast as him cos I’ve got pigeon toes We came upon a Joiner working on a wooden rail He was using a yellowhammer to knock in six inch nails “Why did you paint it yellow? Did you do it for a lark?” He said “No it’s this colour so I can find it in the dark”. So I hope you’ve found my trail of birds not too hard to follow And the thought of town centre twitching not too hard to swallow So count them up as quick as you can or we could be here for hours And that would be a pity cos next we’re on wild flowers The song can be heard here Town Centre Twitching GD |