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02 Dec 23 - 02:00 PM (#4192790) Subject: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Thought I was going to put this in the joke thread, but it belongs to a different genre of humour I feel. I wonder if this thread will fly... Someone once asked the great conductor Sir Thomas Beecham if he'd ever conducted any Stockhausen. "No," he replied, "but I once trod in some..." |
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03 Dec 23 - 04:37 AM (#4192809) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: BobL A slightly self-effacing putdown: "You can tell he's a couple of years younger than me, I sometimes act like a five-year-old." |
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03 Dec 23 - 04:50 AM (#4192811) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Denis Healey, on debating with Geoffrey Howe: "Like being savaged by a dead sheep.” |
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03 Dec 23 - 04:54 AM (#4192813) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Thompson UK prime minister Harold Wilson on a later UK prime minister, Edward Heath: "A shiver looking for a spine to run up". |
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03 Dec 23 - 12:42 PM (#4192822) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Fred Allen once said of Jack Benny, "He couldn't ad lib a belch after a Hungarian dinner". |
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03 Dec 23 - 01:17 PM (#4192824) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy Who defined a Hungarian as Someone who could enter a revolving door behind you and come out ahead? |
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04 Dec 23 - 05:38 AM (#4192869) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Donuel "... then he and I must go there at once". |
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04 Dec 23 - 07:29 AM (#4192880) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Georgiansilver I love the story of Winston Churchill and Lady Astor. Lady Astor said to Winston.....'Mr Churchill, If I were your wife, I would put poison in your drink' .... Winston replid 'Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it'!!!! |
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04 Dec 23 - 01:02 PM (#4192908) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw “When Edwina Currie goes to the dentist, he needs the anaesthetic.” (The then Labour health secretary Frank Dobson) |
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04 Dec 23 - 02:28 PM (#4192917) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Dave the Gnome When he was circumcised, they threw the wrong bit away. Could apply to so many... |
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04 Dec 23 - 04:07 PM (#4192927) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Bill D One of my own. Many years ago, as a member of the Democratic Club at my university, a friend who was the club president talked me into running in the primary election for State Senate, in order to split the white vote and try to give a black friend a chance to beat a racist white guy. Well, I went on two TV programs and said some things but by that time, a well-known Black politician had filed late, and was slightly favored. When the votes were counted, the more well-known guy was leading, but because, even coming in last, my 734 votes gave him the margin over the racist. The next day, the club president, David, caught me in the hall with congratulations and and thanks.. "That was great, Bill, " he said. "Before I'm finished with you, you'll either be governor or you'll be sick of me!" "Gee, David," I replied, "What if I'm both?" The look on his face...! |
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04 Dec 23 - 04:33 PM (#4192932) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy Mom (annother Hungarian), asked where her accent comes from: It comes from trying to speak English! |
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05 Dec 23 - 05:01 AM (#4192965) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead. [Stan Laurel] |
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05 Dec 23 - 05:31 AM (#4192967) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Then there's Dorothy Parker's, "You can lead a whore to culture but you can't make her think". (No offense to sex workers from this quarter.) |
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05 Dec 23 - 09:15 AM (#4192985) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy Horticulture. You can lead a horticulture. |
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05 Dec 23 - 09:31 AM (#4192988) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor If you google it, Mrrzy, it seems that "whore to culture" was her response when asked to use horticulture in a sentence. So the story goes. |
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05 Dec 23 - 12:37 PM (#4193001) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Ken Dodd: "I'm not saying I was an ugly baby, but when I was born the midwife slapped my mother." |
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05 Dec 23 - 12:48 PM (#4193005) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Dave the Gnome Me on a bus home one night when a bunch of teens started to giggle when one of them called me a fat bloke. "I can lose weight. What can you do about your face?" I must say I felt a bit guilty when her friends erupted with laughter and she went bright red. I forgave myself though :-) |
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05 Dec 23 - 05:15 PM (#4193024) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy Exactly. So what she said was, You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think. Otherwise it isn't a *witticism* -it is mere commentary. |
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05 Dec 23 - 05:54 PM (#4193029) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Joe_F "You're drunk." "In the morning I'll be sober and you'll still be ugly." (Attributed to Winston Churchill) |
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05 Dec 23 - 07:35 PM (#4193035) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: meself I was talking to one of my sons one time, when he was in grade 11, and he mentioned something about his Chemistry class. "Chemistry!" says I. "Have they made you memorize the Periodic Table? Back in my day, in Grade Eleven Chemistry, we had to memorize the whole Periodic Table!" "Yeah, but back in your day," he said, "there were only four elements, weren't there?" |
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05 Dec 23 - 07:53 PM (#4193036) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Your argument makes no sense, Mrzzy. Once again, go online and check out the quote. gilly out |
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06 Dec 23 - 11:37 AM (#4193048) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy She was asked to use the word horticulture in a sentence. That is what she did. So spelling it Whore To Culture is a mistake. Sorry, but there you have it. Meanwhile, Churchill said And in the morning I'll be sober, and then stopped speaking. He didn't add And you'll still be ugly. That was understood. Did Calvin Coolidge, told by someone that they'd bet they could make him say 3 words, really answer You lose? |
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06 Dec 23 - 01:22 PM (#4193056) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Another Winston one: "The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter." How true when you consider that democracy has given us Thatcher, Reagan, Bush junior, Trump and Boris Johnson. And brexit. Incidentally, most sources I've checked assert that he did say "...you'll still be ugly" in that quote. Maybe you had to be there. |
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06 Dec 23 - 01:35 PM (#4193059) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Another Churchill one: "You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else." (Sorry, yanks!) |
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06 Dec 23 - 06:45 PM (#4193082) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy But then, it wouldn't have been witty. It would merely be rude. |
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06 Dec 23 - 07:36 PM (#4193085) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw But you think that the horticulture one's witty. Oh dear... |
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06 Dec 23 - 08:14 PM (#4193086) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: meself Teddy Roosevelt was, apparently, given to 'speaking at length' .... At the time of some kerfuffle between US and France, a French diplomat went to meet with Roosevelt, and was in his office for a couple of hours. When he emerged, a reporter asked, "What did you tell Mr Roosevelt?" The diplomat replied: "My name." Roosevelt's daughter was quoted as saying, "My father wanted to be the bride at every wedding, the dead man at every funeral, and the baby at every christening." |
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06 Dec 23 - 08:32 PM (#4193090) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Apropos of the French, Dubya didn't say "The problem with the French is that they have no word for entrepreneur," but I wish he had... |
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07 Dec 23 - 03:17 AM (#4193099) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Thompson John Philpott Curran describing Robert Peel: "His smile is like the brass plate on a coffin." |
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07 Dec 23 - 10:13 AM (#4193120) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw A choice selection of Dubya quotes: "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." "They misunderestimated me." "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" |
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07 Dec 23 - 12:33 PM (#4193133) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor The secret of being a good actor is honesty. If you can fake that you've got it made. George Burns If the world were a logical place, men would ride side saddle. Rita Mae Brown |
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07 Dec 23 - 06:54 PM (#4193148) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: BobL Better to look a fool with an umbrella on a dry day than a fool without an umbrella on a wet day. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. A reputation for chastity is necessary to a woman. Chastity itself is also sometimes useful. |
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07 Dec 23 - 10:13 PM (#4193166) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: robomatic I worked for an engineering company with a client named Alaska Pumptech. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - _: "What's the difference between working for Alaska PT and working for Satan?" "Satan knows what he wants!" |
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09 Dec 23 - 10:35 AM (#4193249) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: MaJoC the Filk The Coolidge quote was (as I heard it) a rather bubbly young lass at a party saying: "My father's said that if I can get you to say three words, he'll give me a fur coat." Coolidge: "Papa wins." |
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09 Dec 23 - 02:49 PM (#4193260) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: meself Or: ... husband ... bet ... "You lose." |
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09 Dec 23 - 02:52 PM (#4193261) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Going to sea is like going to prison with the added prospect of drowning.- Mark Twain I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.- Woody Allen (or maybe Groucho) |
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10 Dec 23 - 09:14 AM (#4193309) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy I didn't post the horticulture one, Steve. I merely corrected it. But yes, witty. Why not? |
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10 Dec 23 - 09:25 AM (#4193312) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Your correction made no sense. The joke is a play on the old expression "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink." "Horticulture" was just used as a set up and has no comic value the way you use it. One more time, research the actual remark. |
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10 Dec 23 - 09:55 AM (#4193315) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Here's another one that seems apt- E.B. White compared the analysis of humor to dissecting a frog and concluded, "While it is possible the frog usually dies in the process." |
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10 Dec 23 - 12:40 PM (#4193324) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw One man's fish is another man's poisson. Give a man a bucket of coal and you'll keep him warm for the night. Set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life. You can take a horse to water but you can't make him fish. |
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14 Dec 23 - 03:09 PM (#4193565) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: MaJoC the Filk With magic, you can turn a frog into a prince. With science, you can turn a frog into a PhD, and still have the frog afterwards. -- badly remembered from Science of Discworld |
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14 Dec 23 - 03:45 PM (#4193573) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Back in my working days I was performing some task with one of the guys, Pancho, and started singing "Doobie, doobie do" and knowing he was a stoner I asked him if he thought Old Blue Eyes was advocating marijuana use to which he replied, "Well, he didn't say 'Doobie, doobie don't'". |
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14 Dec 23 - 04:13 PM (#4193575) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Here's one that's kind of blue (not the Miles Davis kind)- I had just met a South African fellow at work and we decided to go out for a drink after and he asked me "How do you hold your liquor?" to which I responded "By the ears". |
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14 Dec 23 - 06:42 PM (#4193582) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Buy a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for the day. Throw a man out of a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life. |
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14 Dec 23 - 08:16 PM (#4193585) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw “To be is to do”—Socrates. “To do is to be”— Sartre. "To be or not to be"—Shakespeare. “Do be do be do”—Sinatra. |
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17 Dec 23 - 03:29 AM (#4193726) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: The Sandman Mark Twain used to joke that "golf is a good walk spoiled." |
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17 Dec 23 - 03:17 PM (#4193769) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: The Sandman Hell is full of musical amateurs, George Bernard Shaw |
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18 Dec 23 - 04:53 AM (#4193812) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw So are singarounds, pub sessions and music festivals. If GBS was here today I think we'd be asking him to explain himself. No relation, by the way. |
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18 Dec 23 - 05:03 AM (#4193814) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: The Sandman 1. does hell exist?. 2, is life on earth hell? 3. Shaw is confusing being not paid for playing music with being not good, which is of course a generalisation,and is sometimes incorrect, but occasionally correct |
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18 Dec 23 - 05:04 AM (#4193815) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Doug Chadwick If I had to spend eternity in Heaven without being able to make music just for the love of it, that would be Hell for me. DC |
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18 Dec 23 - 05:47 AM (#4193816) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw I'm not quite sure what being "not good at music" means. The only exception being the ownership of a bodhran, of course. |
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18 Dec 23 - 06:34 AM (#4193822) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Donuel Ancient blues jazz and metal music |
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18 Dec 23 - 01:09 PM (#4193836) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Did you take a wrong turn, how did that facebook link wind up in this funny witticism thread? |
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18 Dec 23 - 01:24 PM (#4193839) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw I'm not arguing. I'm just explaining why I'm right. (on a t-shirt) |
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18 Dec 23 - 03:38 PM (#4193845) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: meself I don't know if this one was widespread or not; my apologies if everyone is familiar with it .... Anyway, for awhile you would see here and there someone wearing a tee-shirt displaying the statement, "I'm with Stupid", and an arrow pointing to one side. Then one day, I saw a woman with a tee-shirt that said, "I'm not with Stupid anymore." What? Well, I thought it was funny! |
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18 Dec 23 - 07:59 PM (#4193861) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Either you like bacon or you're wrong (another t-shirt). Just been watching a programme about Billy Connolly. On stage, he was saying that Frank Ifield had turned to punk and had written a song called "I Remember You, You Bastard." |
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20 Dec 23 - 06:07 AM (#4193918) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: G-Force A couple of musicians' one-liners: George Melly, while being driven past the rather splendid art-deco Hoover factory in north-west London: 'All that, just to suck up shit!'. Ronnie Hawkins, when asked by Robbie Robertson how much he'd get paid if he joined the Hawks: 'You won't get much money, but you'll get more pussy than Frank Sinatra'. |
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20 Dec 23 - 06:27 AM (#4193919) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor After playing a set, jazz guitarist Jim Hall was approached by a fan who said "Your guitar sounded fabulous". Hall looked at the instrument on it's stand and responded "how does it sound now?". |
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20 Dec 23 - 06:45 AM (#4193922) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Doug Chadwick .... jazz guitarist Jim Hall .... When I first heard it, it was Chet Atkins. DC |
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20 Dec 23 - 06:59 AM (#4193923) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Speaking of George Melly, he's alleged to have said, having discovered that he'd become impotent, "It's wonderful, like being unchained from a lunatic." |
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20 Dec 23 - 07:58 AM (#4193925) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.- Tom Waits |
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20 Dec 23 - 09:40 AM (#4193934) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: G-Force Another from Mr. Waits: Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends. |
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20 Dec 23 - 01:02 PM (#4193954) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Geoff Wallis For the record, Tom Waits was not the originator of either of the above aphorisms. |
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20 Dec 23 - 07:14 PM (#4193977) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy But I like the sham pain one. |
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21 Dec 23 - 05:40 AM (#4193991) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Dave the Gnome What about sham poo? |
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21 Dec 23 - 06:46 AM (#4193993) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Paul Reade My favourite parliamentary one:- Dennis Skinner MP: “Half the Tory members opposite are crooks” Mr Speaker: “The honourable member MUST withdraw that remark” Skinner: “OK, half the Tories are NOT crooks” |
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23 Dec 23 - 11:25 PM (#4194191) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Severn Isn't "funny witticisms" overly redundant? |
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24 Dec 23 - 09:42 AM (#4194201) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor But probably not as redundant as "witty witticisms". "It's no fun to drink alone, until you've had two or three". Martin Mull (or was it him, who the hell knows) |
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24 Dec 23 - 09:47 AM (#4194203) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Well I wanted the thread to be more amusing than not. Some witticisms are simply unfunny, so I reject that criticism! |
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24 Dec 23 - 03:03 PM (#4194225) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: The Sandman Never work with animals or children. W. C. Fields |
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24 Dec 23 - 04:27 PM (#4194226) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw I use that one a lot, especially when precocious little brats are interviewed on the telly, especially the little smarties in school uniform. Buttock-clenching in the extreme. Give me animals any day. |
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24 Dec 23 - 04:57 PM (#4194228) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: The Sandman but old father christmas has to work with both |
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24 Dec 23 - 05:22 PM (#4194231) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: BobL Whatever lights your tree.... |
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24 Dec 23 - 05:29 PM (#4194232) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Joe_F The first mate wrote in the ship's log: "The captain was drunk this morning." The captain made it clear that that would not do, so the mate crossed out "drunk", wrote in "sober", and initialed the change. |
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24 Dec 23 - 06:48 PM (#4194235) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Bill D Not exactly a witticism, but a funny mistake I saw when using closed captions on TV. Automated systems can be confusing. A newscaster was explaining about Donald Trump's latest harangue to denigrate anyone who disagreed with him: "Just last month the former president referred to his opponents as Vermont." (Yes, the human said "vermin".) |
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24 Dec 23 - 06:51 PM (#4194236) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Doug Chadwick A couple seen on t-shirts:- SAVE THE PLANET It's the only one with chocolate ------------- " ------------- A DOG IS NOT JUST FOR CHRISTMAS With a little imagination and a stock cube, it can last through to Boxing Day DC |
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24 Dec 23 - 08:25 PM (#4194239) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Almost lost in the annals of time, when I was a teacher in Walthamstow we used a textbook called Biology For Life. Some Year 10 wag had added under the title, in thick felt tip, "Not just for Christmas." |
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24 Dec 23 - 09:34 PM (#4194242) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy If not funny, are they half-witticisms? |
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25 Dec 23 - 02:58 AM (#4194251) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: The Sandman P VICTOR HUGO |
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25 Dec 23 - 03:01 AM (#4194252) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: The Sandman Puns are the droppings of soaring wits Victor Hugo |
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25 Dec 23 - 03:46 AM (#4194257) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mr Red Some witticisms are simply unfunny, so I reject that criticism! A pun-dit? Cue a definition of hunour........... |
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25 Dec 23 - 04:03 AM (#4194259) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Doug Chadwick Another t-shirt one:- So far, this is the oldest I've ever been. DC |
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25 Dec 23 - 04:19 AM (#4194262) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw "Cue a definition of hunour" The art of acting like a Hun. |
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25 Dec 23 - 08:16 AM (#4194275) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Dave the Gnome Seen on the wall of a gents bog Nick fucks sheep I'm Nick and I only fuck good looking sheep I'm a sheep and I only fuck good looking Nicks I'm a shepherd and while I was reading this someone nicked all my fucking sheep |
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31 Dec 23 - 05:08 PM (#4194564) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy I am reminded of being with a Brit who parked too close to the corner. I said, you might get nicked. He admired my command of British slang, but I had meant Dented. |
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31 Dec 23 - 09:35 PM (#4194583) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw "Boy trapped in refrigerator eats own foot" [Airplane!] |
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01 Jan 24 - 02:16 PM (#4194641) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy ... but don't worry about that now. And don't call me Shirley! |
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01 Jan 24 - 02:50 PM (#4194645) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw "A hospital! What is it?" "It's a big building with patients, but that isn't important right now..." |
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01 Jan 24 - 03:59 PM (#4194656) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw "The cockpit! What is it?" "It's the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit. But that's not important right now." |
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02 Jan 24 - 09:06 AM (#4194692) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Donuel While there is a highway to hell but only a stairway to heaven indicates where the traffic jams are. |
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02 Jan 24 - 10:35 AM (#4194697) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Donuel War is when both sides agree... to be merciless |
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02 Jan 24 - 01:55 PM (#4194718) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw That is neither a witticism nor is it funny. |
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02 Jan 24 - 03:05 PM (#4194724) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy A good compromise leaves both sides equally unhappy. |
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02 Jan 24 - 06:22 PM (#4194730) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Illegitimes non carborundum. |
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02 Jan 24 - 06:32 PM (#4194732) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw I wept because I had no shoes Until I met a man who had no class |
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02 Jan 24 - 07:42 PM (#4194738) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Avoid disappointment: give up hope. |
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03 Jan 24 - 04:36 AM (#4194758) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: BobL Once in a blue moon = 1.167 * 10^-8 Hz. Two's company, three's fun. Nine women can't make a baby in a month. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. |
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03 Jan 24 - 05:26 AM (#4194763) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw My dad, a devout Catholic, once said that he'd start to believe in miracles at Lourdes when a one-legged man returned from Lourdes with two legs. |
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03 Jan 24 - 06:48 AM (#4194768) Subject: RE: BS: editorial From: Donuel Today modern prosthetics accomplish the miracle that Lourdes can not. |
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03 Jan 24 - 06:59 AM (#4194769) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor That was a real knee-slapper, Don. |
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03 Jan 24 - 07:11 AM (#4194772) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Yeah, fer chrissake. It succeeds except on two levels: it isn't funny and it isn't witty. |
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03 Jan 24 - 07:29 AM (#4194777) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Donuel Today modern prosthetics accomplish the miracle that Lourdes can not. Among the most devout in cults, religion, and politics are the most brainwashed. What is most relevant in wit is truth, not how funny any given person will find the most amusement. An example of wit could include a Zen Koan or a clever retort. Steve may arbitrarily assign narrow parameters on humor or wit but thank goodness he shall never be the sole judge and jury of any subject. His editorials on wit or humor are as ridiculous as insisting all poetry must obey the rules of a limerick. |
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03 Jan 24 - 07:55 AM (#4194779) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Your understanding of what a witticism is is on par with you understanding of what a joke is. You can call a turd a chocolate souffle but it still smells like shit. |
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03 Jan 24 - 08:49 AM (#4194784) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Donuel Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will always regret. Besides the one-sentence post was the result of mod editing and not my doing. The endless editorials by the usual subjects are as toxic as ever. The tempest in Steve's teacup is as poisonous as ever. You are perfectly entitled to go with the general flow but remember only dead fish always go with the flow. Weak people revenge with lies, strong people forgive but intelligent people ignore. |
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03 Jan 24 - 08:57 AM (#4194785) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor No regrets, Don. |
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03 Jan 24 - 09:06 AM (#4194786) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Donuel You can't ignore, can you? |
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03 Jan 24 - 09:09 AM (#4194787) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Not when some attention addict continues to muck up threads. |
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03 Jan 24 - 09:47 AM (#4194791) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw "The tempest in Steve's teacup is as poisonous as ever." I started this in the hope of our having a nice, lighthearted thread. Most of the input, yet none of yours, has been in that spirit. So let me just say that I find that sentence to be ever so slightly, er, odd... |
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03 Jan 24 - 09:52 AM (#4194792) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Donuel I forgive your lies. Most of my content is not mine and has no ego attachment to it. Most of your posts are responses without content but the little content you provide is fairly good. |
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03 Jan 24 - 10:11 AM (#4194798) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Anyway, back to the substantive! I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them. Suppose there were no hypothetical questions...? |
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03 Jan 24 - 10:32 AM (#4194801) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Dave the Gnome There is only 2 things I hate. Racial prejudice and Belgians... |
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03 Jan 24 - 11:16 AM (#4194807) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Early to bed and early to rise, A true indication of social demise. |
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03 Jan 24 - 11:17 AM (#4194808) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler Why is there no alternative word for thesarus? Robin |
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04 Jan 24 - 11:47 AM (#4194845) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Donuel Stupidity is not a crime so the politician is free to go. |
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04 Jan 24 - 12:11 PM (#4194847) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor I thought the Thesaurus was kaput after the K-P extinction event. I'll get me... |
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04 Jan 24 - 01:02 PM (#4194852) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy ...than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. |
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04 Jan 24 - 02:06 PM (#4194861) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Be careful not to speak clearer than you think. |
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05 Jan 24 - 02:56 AM (#4194898) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Dave the Gnome Money can't buy happiness but it can make misery a lot more comfortable |
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05 Jan 24 - 06:06 AM (#4194907) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor "Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you." -Joseph Heller |
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05 Jan 24 - 06:11 AM (#4194908) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Seen on a wall over a urinal- Don't look up here, the joke is in your hand. |
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05 Jan 24 - 07:56 AM (#4194923) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Going for a wee: I'm just off to shake hands with the wife's best friend. Or, less optimistically, off to shake hands with the unemployed. Or, to show off when cheek by jowl with another bloke in the gents, "Jeez, this porcelain's cold..." |
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05 Jan 24 - 10:23 AM (#4194927) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy Mom always wondered why Going Out (with someone) was a euphemism for Sleeping With. Don't they Stay In to do that? |
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05 Jan 24 - 06:33 PM (#4194960) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: meself I always wondered why 'sleeping with' was a euphemism for fornication. I remember in my younger years reading of a woman who, reportedly, had 'once slept with twenty-six members of a bike gang'. I don't know about you, but the mental image that gives me is of a really, really wide bed, with her in the middle, and approximately thirteen hairy-and-scary brutes on each side of her, snoring peacefully .... |
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05 Jan 24 - 07:41 PM (#4194968) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy That's the After picture. |
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06 Jan 24 - 04:10 AM (#4194983) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Doug Chadwick Mom always wondered why Going Out (with someone) was a euphemism for Sleeping With. That may have been more in Mom's mind than in fact. It's not just beauty that is in the eye of the beholder. For me, 'going out' signifies dating. They could be have having a sexual relationship but, on the other hand, the young lady may be preserving her modesty for her wedding night. DC |
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06 Jan 24 - 04:24 AM (#4194986) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Rain Dog I once heard the expression "Does anyone go near you at all?" When theg were asking someone if they were dating anyone? |
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06 Jan 24 - 04:34 AM (#4194988) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Steve Shaw Another euphemism for indulging in an intimate relationship was "carrying on" when I lived oop north. |
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06 Jan 24 - 04:54 AM (#4194991) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Doug Chadwick "Carrying on" had the implication of an illicit, extra-marital relationship where I came from. DC |
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06 Jan 24 - 05:16 AM (#4194995) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Doug Chadwick Getting back to the witticisms:- “English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.” Anonymous (unless anyone knows better!) DC |
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10 Jan 24 - 05:23 PM (#4195238) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Thompson In Ireland we generally have either very tall presidents or very tiny presidents. One of the tiny ones was Sean T O'Kelly, universally known as Seán T, who also had a very tall wife. One day he was given the honour of throwing in the ball at the All-Ireland Hurling Final. As the crowd fell reverently silent, one shouted, "Cut the grass, we can't see the President!" |
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12 Jan 24 - 11:55 AM (#4195327) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: meself Along the same lines: A local personage of some considerable girth was MCing a concert. He approached the microphone to begin the proceedings, as a friend of mine had his head turned, talking away to his neighbour. The sizable MC said, "Ken, do you mind? We want to get started." Ken turned and said, "Oh, sorry - I couldn't see you there behind the mike-stand!" |
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12 Jan 24 - 12:02 PM (#4195330) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: The Sandman Response to a heckler "when they circumsised you they thew away the wrong bit" attributed to Joe Stead |
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12 Jan 24 - 01:39 PM (#4195334) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy I was reminded of a cartoon. Three women standing. One says, And this is my significant mother. Freudian slip: When you mean to say one thing and accidentally say your mother. |
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13 Jan 24 - 03:20 AM (#4195368) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Dave the Gnome I'm pinching the weird English one, Doug :-) |
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13 Jan 24 - 06:50 PM (#4195392) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy Then there is this… The King’s English Anonymous I take it you already know Of tough and bough and cough and dough? Others may stumble, but not you, On hiccough, thorough, slough and through. Beware of heard, a dreadful word, That looks like beard but sounds like bird. And dead: It’s said like bed, not bead -- For goodness’ sake, don’t call it deed! Watch out for meat and great and threat… They rhyme with suite and straight and debt. A moth is not the moth in mother, Nor both in bother, nor broth in brother. And here is not a match for there, Nor dear and fear for bear and pear, And then there’s dose and rose and lose -- Just look them up -- and goose and choose. And cork and work and card and ward, And font and front and word and sword. And do and go, then thwart and cart, Come, come, I’ve hardly made a start! A dreadful language? Sakes alive! I’d mastered it when I was five. |
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17 Jan 24 - 01:46 AM (#4195592) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Reinhard Very nice, Mrrzy! But then there's also THE CHAOS Dr. Gerard Nolst Trenité (Netherlands, 1870-1946) Dearest creature in creation Studying English pronunciation, I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse. I will keep you, Susy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy;1 Tear in eye, your dress you'll tear; Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer. Pray, console your loving poet, Make my coat look new, dear, sew it! Just compare heart, hear and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word. Sword and sward, retain and Britain (Mind the latter how it's written). Made has not the sound of bade, Say - said, pay - paid, laid but plaid. Now I surely will not plague you With such words as vague and ague, But be careful how you speak, Say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak, Previous, precious, fuchsia, via Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir; Woven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe. Say, expecting fraud and trickery: Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore, Branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles, Missiles, similes, reviles. Wholly, holly, signal, signing, Same, examining, but mining, Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Solar, mica, war and far. From "desire": desirable - admirable from "admire", Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier, Topsham, brougham, renown, but known, Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone, One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel. Gertrude, German, wind and wind, Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind, Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather, Reading, Reading, heathen, heather. This phonetic labyrinth Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth. Have you ever yet endeavoured To pronounce revered and severed, Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul, Peter, petrol and patrol? Billet does not end like ballet; Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. Blood and flood are not like food, Nor is mould like should and would. Banquet is not nearly parquet, Which exactly rhymes with khaki. Discount, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward, Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet? Right! Your pronunciation's OK. Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, Friend and fiend, alive and live. Is your R correct in higher? Keats asserts it rhymes with Thalia. Hugh, but hug, and hood, but hoot, Buoyant, minute, but minute. Say abscission with precision, Now: position and transition; Would it tally with my rhyme If I mentioned paradigm? Twopence, threepence, tease are easy, But cease, crease, grease and greasy? Cornice, nice, valise, revise, Rabies, but lullabies. Of such puzzling words as nauseous, Rhyming well with cautious, tortious, You'll envelop lists, I hope, In a linen envelope. Would you like some more? You'll have it! Affidavit, David, davit. To abjure, to perjure. Sheik Does not sound like Czech but ache. Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven. We say hallowed, but allowed, People, leopard, towed but vowed. Mark the difference, moreover, Between mover, plover, Dover. Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, Chalice, but police and lice, Camel, constable, unstable, Principle, disciple, label. Petal, penal, and canal, Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal, Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit Rhyme with "shirk it" and "beyond it", But it is not hard to tell Why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall. Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron, Timber, climber, bullion, lion, Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Senator, spectator, mayor, Ivy, privy, famous; clamour Has the A of drachm and hammer. Pussy, hussy and possess, Desert, but desert, address. Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants Hoist in lieu of flags left pennants. Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb, Cow, but Cowper, some and home. "Solder, soldier! Blood is thicker", Quoth he, "than liqueur or liquor", Making, it is sad but true, In bravado, much ado. Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangour. Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt, Font, front, wont, want, grand and grant. Arsenic, specific, scenic, Relic, rhetoric, hygienic. Gooseberry, goose, and close, but close, Paradise, rise, rose, and dose. Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle, Make the latter rhyme with eagle. Mind! Meandering but mean, Valentine and magazine. And I bet you, dear, a penny, You say mani-(fold) like many, Which is wrong. Say rapier, pier, Tier (one who ties), but tier. Arch, archangel; pray, does erring Rhyme with herring or with stirring? Prison, bison, treasure trove, Treason, hover, cover, cove, Perseverance, severance. Ribald Rhymes (but piebald doesn't) with nibbled. Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw, Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw. Don't be down, my own, but rough it, And distinguish buffet, buffet; Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon, Worcester, Boleyn, to impugn. Say in sounds correct and sterling Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling. Evil, devil, mezzotint, Mind the z! (A gentle hint.) Now you need not pay attention To such sounds as I don't mention, Sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws, Rhyming with the pronoun yours; Nor are proper names included, Though I often heard, as you did, Funny rhymes to unicorn, Yes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan. No, my maiden, coy and comely, I don't want to speak of Cholmondeley. No. Yet Froude compared with proud Is no better than McLeod. But mind trivial and vial, Tripod, menial, denial, Troll and trolley, realm and ream, Schedule, mischief, schism, and scheme. Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely May be made to rhyme with Raleigh, But you're not supposed to say Piquet rhymes with sobriquet. Had this invalid invalid Worthless documents? How pallid, How uncouth he, couchant, looked, When for Portsmouth I had booked! Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite, Paramour, enamoured, flighty, Episodes, antipodes, Acquiesce, and obsequies. Please don't monkey with the geyser, Don't peel 'taters with my razor, Rather say in accents pure: Nature, stature and mature. Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly, Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly, Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan, Wan, sedan and artisan. The TH will surely trouble you More than R, CH or W. Say then these phonetic gems: Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames. Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham, There are more but I forget 'em - Wait! I've got it: Anthony, Lighten your anxiety. The archaic word albeit Does not rhyme with eight - you see it; With and forthwith, one has voice, One has not, you make your choice. Shoes, goes, does. Now first say: finger; Then say: singer, ginger, linger. Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, age, Hero, heron, query, very, Parry, tarry, fury, bury, Dost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth, Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath. Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners, Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners Holm you know, but noes, canoes, Puisne, truism, use, to use? Though the difference seems little, We say actual, but victual, Seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height, Put, nut, granite, and unite Reefer does not rhyme with deafer, Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer. Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late, Hint, pint, senate, but sedate. Gaelic, Arabic, pacific, Science, conscience, scientific; Tour, but our, dour, succour, four, Gas, alas, and Arkansas. Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit, Next omit, which differs from it Bona fide, alibi Gyrate, dowry and awry. Sea, idea, guinea, area, Psalm, Maria, but malaria. Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean, Doctrine, turpentine, marine. Compare alien with Italian, Dandelion with battalion, Rally with ally; yea, ye, Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay! Say aver, but ever, fever, Neither, leisure, skein, receiver. Never guess - it is not safe, We say calves, valves, half, but Ralf. Starry, granary, canary, Crevice, but device, and eyrie, Face, but preface, then grimace, Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging, Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging; Ear, but earn; and ere and tear Do not rhyme with here but heir. Mind the O of off and often Which may be pronounced as orphan, With the sound of saw and sauce; Also soft, lost, cloth and cross. Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting? Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting. Respite, spite, consent, resent. Liable, but Parliament. Seven is right, but so is even, Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen, Monkey, donkey, clerk and jerk, Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work. A of valour, vapid, vapour, S of news (compare newspaper), G of gibbet, gibbon, gist, I of antichrist and grist, Differ like diverse and divers, Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers. Once, but nonce, toll, doll, but roll, Polish, Polish, poll and poll. Pronunciation - think of Psyche! - Is a paling, stout and spiky. Won't it make you lose your wits Writing groats and saying 'grits'? It's a dark abyss or tunnel Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale, Islington, and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict. Don't you think so, reader, rather, Saying lather, bather, father? Finally, which rhymes with enough, Though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough?? Hiccough has the sound of sup... My advice is: GIVE IT UP! |
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19 Jan 24 - 01:23 PM (#4195798) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy Tops! I am reminded of someone re:Pirates of Penzance, wondering whether it was that the Brits couldn't spell Rafe, or that they couldn't pronounce Ralph. |
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21 Jan 24 - 06:44 AM (#4195859) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: BobL English is a bastard language, its strange pronunciations & spellings inherited from many different tongues. Curiously it's the USA, the melting pot of the world, which felt a need to standardize. Hence: Wagner: the German "varg" became "wag". Warwick: the English "worrick" became "war-wick". Lockheed: the Irish "Lough Head" would have become "log-head", so they changed the spelling. |
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21 Jan 24 - 07:34 AM (#4195863) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Donuel I have never heard the wag version of 'Vagner' the composer. I do hear people dropping the ing for in and dropping the d at the end of a word or saying axe instead of ask. Americans pronounce the er at the end of a word while some English turn it into a soft a. These are more like language pet peeves than witticisms. The thing about English is that it is the official language of the sky and is spoken by all professional pilots when flying. You just can't say Mayday unless you are in a life-and-death situation. |
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21 Jan 24 - 04:32 PM (#4195897) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy I queastion "Irish "Lough Head" would have become "log-head", so they changed the spelling" ... Isn't it more likely they simply (mis)spelled Lough Head [pronounced in Irish] phonetically? That's why Wooster, Mass, etc... |
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21 Jan 24 - 08:56 PM (#4195913) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: meself ' it's the USA, the melting pot of the world, which felt a need to standardize. Hence: Wagner: the German "varg" became "wag". Warwick: the English "worrick" became "war-wick".' Seems to me it's nothing to do with "a need to standardize"; it's just pronouncing names the way they are spelled - you know, because you're a simple peasant who's never heard one of their betters say, "Varg(?)ner" or "Worrick". |
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27 Jan 24 - 10:28 PM (#4196263) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy Right. |
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03 Feb 24 - 03:59 AM (#4196577) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Thompson Rafe/Ralph - someone who was an ace observer of English class consciousness told me many years ago that "Rafe" was a gutty pronunciation regarded with distaste by the Nancy Mitford types (who also, apparently regarded their royal family as rather infra dig). |
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03 Feb 24 - 07:48 AM (#4196586) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Isn't there a language thread open for the peevish. |
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03 Feb 24 - 03:04 PM (#4196614) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: meself Not a witticism nor a criticism, just an observation: as a North American, I suppose, I have no idea of the meaning of that post just made by Thompson. Divided by one language, and all that. |
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03 Feb 24 - 03:05 PM (#4196615) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: meself "a common language", that is .... |
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03 Feb 24 - 05:19 PM (#4196625) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Doug Chadwick ... regarded with distaste by the Nancy Mitford types ... Talking of Nancy Mitford, let's get back to the witticisms:- “I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.” - Nancy Mitford DC |
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03 Feb 24 - 05:33 PM (#4196626) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: The Sandman I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. Groucho Marx |
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04 Feb 24 - 11:00 AM (#4196655) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: The Sandman Theodore Roosevelt. "I am an American; free born and free bred, where I acknowledge no man as my superior, except for his own worth, or as my inferior, except for his own demerit." |
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04 Feb 24 - 12:13 PM (#4196658) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Thompson Oh, I'm not peevish about Rafe/Ralph, Gillymor, just fascinated by snobberies. Meanwhile, back to wit: GB Shaw - "A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always rely on the support of Paul." |
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04 Feb 24 - 04:02 PM (#4196673) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy Meself, it's spelled Ralph, pronounced Rafe. So,is Rafe misspelled, or Ralph mispronounced? |
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04 Feb 24 - 10:10 PM (#4196679) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: meself ... uh ... I dunno ... much as I'm flattered - why ya asking me? |
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05 Feb 24 - 04:45 AM (#4196687) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: MaJoC the Filk > is Rafe misspelled, or Ralph mispronounced? Yes. |
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05 Feb 24 - 07:41 AM (#4196693) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: The Sandman Mark Twain" never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience |
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11 Feb 24 - 08:26 AM (#4196912) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy Never argue with a pedant. It wastes your time, and annoys the pedant. Misquoted from memory... |
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11 Feb 24 - 10:11 AM (#4196939) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Oscar Wilde, while being served champagne on his death bed, supposedly said "I'm dying beyond my means." |
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11 Feb 24 - 11:55 AM (#4196962) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy Was it Voltaire, seeing a candle by his deathbed... What, the flames already? |
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11 Feb 24 - 12:18 PM (#4196967) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor I think Voltaire also said, or wrote, "It's because one can be silly that the many don't hang themselves". |
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12 Feb 24 - 09:32 AM (#4197067) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy But if Voltaire had not existed, it would not have been necessary to invent him. Nietzche, I think. Well, I know he said it about someone who'd said that if god hadn't existed it would have been necessary to invent him. |
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18 Feb 24 - 07:35 PM (#4197488) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Sol Yogi Bera - the king of (unintended?) witticisms. Yogi Bera quotes |
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20 Feb 24 - 12:33 PM (#4197608) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: meself I like those Yogi Berra quotes - although I'm not sure why anyone would bother quoting, "It's fun; baseball's fun" or "I'm glad I was in the Navy" ... and there are a few that strike me more as 'Yogi Berra inspired' than as authentic, such as, "The future ain't what it used to be". Of course, I could be wrong ..... |
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20 Feb 24 - 01:31 PM (#4197613) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Dave the Gnome Did he say something about picanic baskets? |
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20 Feb 24 - 03:25 PM (#4197619) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: MudGuard When I was young, everything was better. Even the future ... |
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20 Feb 24 - 07:12 PM (#4197626) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: gillymor Reminds me of, "The older I get the better I was". (Smarter than the avuhrage bear!) |
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22 Feb 24 - 11:13 AM (#4197728) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy Hey hey hey booboo! I read all those to my kids when he died. They rolled on the floor and laughed their asses off. Pity none (that I know of) were *intentional* - so maybe malapropisms rather than witticisms? |
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23 Feb 24 - 02:32 AM (#4197761) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Thompson Ezra Pound quoted two supposed conversations between English royalty and the first Minister for Foreign Affairs of the Irish Free State, Desmond Fitzgerald, who, like all of that first Irish government had served in the Irish Republican Army during the War of Independence, and also served plenty of time in English jails and prison camps: 1) Queen Mary: What did you do in the war? DF: Time 2) King George: Were you ever in the army? DF (not to be high-hatted): Not the *British* Army. |
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24 Feb 24 - 04:05 AM (#4197818) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Neil D Didn't G.B. Shaw say that the British and Americans were to peoples separated by a common tongue? |
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26 Feb 24 - 11:16 AM (#4198051) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy Not sure who said Americans think 100 years is a long time, whereas Brits think 100 miles is a long way. |
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27 Feb 24 - 05:51 PM (#4198160) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Thompson GBS also had the perfect definition of golf: "A good walk spoiled". |
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27 Feb 24 - 06:03 PM (#4198161) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: robomatic My version of the Oscar Wilde toast: "To the United States: The only country to go from barbarism to decadence without a period of civilization in between!" |
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29 Feb 24 - 09:53 AM (#4198263) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy Ghandi comes to mind... when asked what he thought of western civilization, he thought it would be a good idea. |
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29 Feb 24 - 03:06 PM (#4198274) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: robomatic Let's be kind and ask a moderator to correct the common mis-spelling of the proper noun in the previous message. Then please eliminate this message. |
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01 Mar 24 - 03:11 PM (#4198345) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Mrrzy Argh! Gandhi! Sorry! |
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04 Mar 24 - 04:12 PM (#4198529) Subject: RE: BS: Funny witticisms From: Sol Whenever he was one short of something, an old colleague of mine used to say, "I've got an extra one too less." ??? Go figure. |