Lyr Add: Beerbelly Elegy

19 Aug 24 - 11:43 AM (#4207253)
Subject: Lyr Add: Beerbelly Elegy
From: GUEST,Holly Tannen, Ancient Matriarch

Lyrics: Fatguru Baba Ghanoush
Tune: Good Ol’ Mountain Dew, as sung by the Stanley Brothers and the Foggy Mountain Boys

“Old Mountain Dew” was the advertising theme for Mountain Dew soda, named and first marketed in Johnson City and Knoxville, Tennessee in 1948. “Mountain dew” was originally a term for the home-made liquor distilled by Scots-Irish immigrants who settled in Appalachia.

WARNING: This song refers to celebratory rituals of the SCROTUS (Supreme Court -Really?- of the United States). Some folks may consider it to be in Dubious Taste. (For background on male initiation rituals, see Alan Dundes, "A Psychoanalytic Study of the Bullroarer", in "Interpreting Folklore.")


My name’s J.O. Vance, I wear polyester pants
All those names they call me ain’t true.
I’ll prove I’m no slouch when I get off this couch
And swig a pint of good ol‘ Mountain Dew.

They call it that good ol‘ Mountain Dew
And them that refuse it are few.
I’ll get off my ass when you fill up my glass
With that good ol‘ Mountain Dew.

I am a good sport, though I’m sawed off and short
I only measure four feet two.
But I‘m proud to report I can butt-chug a quart
Of that good old mountain dew.

I fell in love with Mamaw’s rubber glove
It was spring and I was seventeen.
Shoved it in deep, it was slicker than a sheep
When I’d had a pint of good ol’ mountain dew.

I was still young, and I hadn’t learned my tongue
Could lick and lie and make my dreams come true
I’m over the hump, now I’m in bed with Trump
And I’ve turned him on to good ol’ Mountain Dew.

Usha’s all right, she’ll read briefs every night
In the White House or on Air Force 2
But she’ll do more than think, when I give her a drink
Of that good ol‘ Mountain Dew.

We’ll frolic and sport with that randy Supreme Court
We’ll toke and smoke and do a line or two.
We’ll flaunt our new bling, Russian vodka’s the thing
When we blend it with good ol’ Mountain Dew.

Boofin’ that good ol’ Mountain Dew,
And them that recuse themselves are few.
Clarence and Brett, and the others I forget
Snockered on good ol’ Mountain Dew.

Kamala, that silly bitch, makes my trigger finger itch
We’ll fix her in November, wait and see.
She’s radical and fat, no children, just a cat
She’ll destroy the Christian family.

I’m chuggin’ that good ol’ mountain dew
Mamaw and Papaw chug it too.
I won’t shut my mouth, I come from the South
I ain’t no deadbeat liberal like you.

My name’s J.O. Vance, got a ferret in my pants
Slitherin’ up towards the old wazoo.
I’d prove I’m no slouch, if I could get off this couch
And chug a mug of good ol‘ Mountain Dew.

They call it that good ol‘ Mountain Dew
And them that abuse it sure do.
I’ll whup your ass if you don’t fill my glass
With that good ol‘ Mountain Dew.

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