Folklore: Carnation Milk / Pet Milk poem (bawdy)

22 Jan 25 - 09:30 PM (#4215760)
Subject: Folklore: Carnation Milk / Pet Milk poem (bawdy)
From: and e

Carnation milk the best in the land
Come in a tin with a red and white band
No tits to pull. No hay to pitch
Just punch two holes in the son of a bitch.

Transcribed from this facebook video: https://www.facebook.com/reel/913828717347782/

Post your version below.

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22 Jan 25 - 09:35 PM (#4215761)
Subject: RE: Folklore: Carnation Milk / Pet Milk poem (bawdy)
From: and e

A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family
dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work
and little compensation.

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in
approximately the 1940s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000
for the best advertising slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme
beginning with “Carnation Milk is best of all.”

She thought to herself, “I know all about milk and dairy farms.   
I can do this!”

She sent in her entry and several weeks later, a big limo pulled up
in front of her house.   A man got out and said, "Carnation LOVED
your entry so much, we are here to award you $2,000, even though
we will not be able to use it!"

Carnation Milk is the best of all,
No tits to pull, no hay to haul,
No buckets to wash, no shit to pitch,
Just poke a hole in the son-of-a-bitch.

Y’all have a great day, now, and no throwing of rotten tomatoes please.

(Stolen from an email from one of my friends, with apologies to
the author whoever that may be)

December 8, 2009. Posted by healingmagichands


See here: https://healingmagichands.wordpress.com/2009/12/08/acayallhave-jingle-well-never-see/

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22 Jan 25 - 09:42 PM (#4215762)
Subject: RE: Folklore: Carnation Milk / Pet Milk poem (bawdy)
From: and e

One evening, a woman was working on completing a jingle to win a large cash
prize from Carnation Milk. Carnation furnished the first line, "I like
Carnation best of all," and it was to be completed in 50 words or less.

Tired, she went to bed. Her husband sat down at the desk a little later,
saw the uncompleted jingle, finished it, and mailed it the next morning on
the way to work.

A couple of months later, the woman was surprised when a Carnation Milk
representative came to her door and told her, her entry was the best, but it
couldn't be published, and they were giving her a consolation award of
$1,000.00.

When her husband arrived home that night, she asked him what he had written.
He said, "I wrote:"

I like Carnation best of all,
No tits to pull, no shit to haul.
No barns to clean, no hay to pitch,
Just punch a hole in the son of a bitch.

Jul 29, 1999. Posted by -log(on) to the alt.tasteless.jokes usenet group.


See here: https://groups.google.com/g/alt.tasteless.jokes/c/bMlF34LUwnI/m/eZIASpa5OnQJ

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22 Jan 25 - 09:45 PM (#4215763)
Subject: RE: Folklore: Carnation Milk / Pet Milk poem (bawdy)
From: and e

Pet Milk comes in a little round can,
Best damn milk in the whole wide land.
No tits to squeeze, no hay to pitch,
Just punch a hole in the son of a bitch!

Posted by GatrGrad68 to the same usenet group as a variant to the above.

See here: https://groups.google.com/g/alt.tasteless.jokes/c/bMlF34LUwnI/m/QqyVy-JMRx4J

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23 Jan 25 - 05:09 AM (#4215775)
Subject: RE: Folklore: Carnation Milk / Pet Milk poem (bawdy)
From: cnd

A family friend of mine who served in the US Navy from the 1970s-90s has sung this jingle for me before.

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24 Jan 25 - 04:52 AM (#4215870)
Subject: RE: Folklore: Carnation Milk / Pet Milk poem (bawdy)
From: MaJoC the Filk

Dear MudElf: the 'Cat has got hiccups again (duplicated entry for 22 Jan 25 - 09:35 PM). Curious.

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24 Jan 25 - 11:07 AM (#4215884)
Subject: RE: Folklore: Carnation Milk / Pet Milk poem (bawdy)
From: and e

This boy and girl married, and they had been
keeping house about three months, if you please,
and one night the young lady saw in the paper
an advertisement of Carnation; Milk offering a prize
of $30 to the individual who wrote the best four-line
stanza about Carnation; Milk. And so, unbeknowing
to her husband, she treasured that to the confines
of her bosom, and the next day when she found
the time she wrote a poem about Carnation Milk.
Of course others did the same thing, but as time rolled
on there came the day of announcement. What do you
suppose happened? In the 9 o'clock mail that morning
she received and envelope containing a check for $30
for first prize. When the husband came home she did
not at first tell him about it, but treasured it to herself.
After a while she passed him the envelope, and he
opened it and out dropped the check for $30. He read
the conditions attached to it, and he turned to his
charming wife and said, "My dear, I knew you were a
good wife; you have proved that to me in our three
months together. You make me extremely happy;
you are a good cook and keep a nice house. I knew
you were smart, but I didn't know that you were a poet.
For Heaven's sake, what did you write? And she said,
"I hate to tell you." "Tell me," he said. So she said,
"I wrote this: 'Carnation Milk is best of all no tits
to pull no manure to haul.'"

October, 1939. American Highways, vol 18, page 10.

Of course this prize is for a four like poem but only two
lines are given.


See here: https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=mdp.39015021063592&seq=118&q1=carnation


.

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24 Jan 25 - 01:46 PM (#4215887)
Subject: RE: Folklore: Carnation Milk / Pet Milk poem (bawdy)
From: Lighter

Journal of the American Medical Association, Dec. 27, 1941:

"Student song on evaporated milk:

No teats to pull,
No dung to fling,
Just punch two holes
In the Goddam thing."


Ramon F Adams, "Come an' Get It: The Story of the Old Cowboy Cook" (1936), has an extended story about an elderly lady who enters a jingle contest for Carnation milk. She hands the letter to a cowboy she knows for him to mail. Soon she gets a letter from the Carnation company saying they can't use her jingle because it's unprintable. The lady suspects the cowboy, and asks him what happened. He replies that her two-line jingle needed to be longer, so he added two lines. The results is:


"Carnation milk, best in the lan',
Comes to the table in a little red can.
No teats to pull, no hay to pitch,
Jes' punch a hole in the sonofabitch."


It seems likely that the verse came originally from the joke rather than the other way around.

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25 Jan 25 - 09:37 AM (#4215927)
Subject: RE: Folklore: Carnation Milk / Pet Milk poem (bawdy)
From: and e

My mother told me about that back in the 50's and swore that it
was one of my uncles that submitted it. fact, fiction, urban legend?
take your pick.

Buy Pet milk in a can
best milk in all the land
no tits to pull no shit to pitch
just punch a hole in the son of a bitch

-- Chuck Neal ([e-mail]), June 13, 2003.

Retrieved from here: http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=009fRP

So the PET version goes back to the 1950s.

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25 Jan 25 - 10:26 AM (#4215932)
Subject: RE: Folklore: Carnation Milk / Pet Milk poem (bawdy)
From: and e

....Eager to know what it might be she
opened it and this is what she found:
"I think Pet Milk is the best what am---
It comes to you in a nice new can,
No teats to pull, no manure to sling,
Just punch a hole in the gol darn thing!"
        "Mrs. D. Brown." ....

1949. The Anthology of American Humor. p.486. Published by Magazine Digest Publishing Company.


Preview only: https://www.google.com/books/edition/The_Anthology_of_American_Humor/72y-FmK0akgC?hl=en&gbpv=1&bsq=%22just%20punch%20a%20hole%20in%20the%22

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25 Jan 25 - 12:24 PM (#4215937)
Subject: RE: Folklore: Carnation Milk / Pet Milk poem (bawdy)
From: and e

Swan's Down Milk, the best in the land!
Here I sit with a can in my hand.
No teats to pull, no dung to fling;
Just punch a hole in the tinny thing.

1942. The Medical World. p.144

Can't see the full page.


Snippet view: https://www.google.com/books/edition/The_Medical_World/p91XAAAAMAAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&bsq=%22just%20punch%20a%20hole%20in%22

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25 Jan 25 - 01:09 PM (#4215939)
Subject: RE: Folklore: Carnation Milk / Pet Milk poem (bawdy)
From: and e

There is also a certain amount of half-believed lore
about national contests nearly, but never quite won with
erotic entries, e.g. one for evaporated canned milk:
No shit to pitch -- No tits to twitch -- Just punch a hole
in the son-of-a-bitch!" (N.Y. 1940)

The Rational of the Dity Joke, p.158.


See online: https://archive.org/details/rationaleofdirty0000gleg/page/n10/mode/1up?q=%22just+punch+a+hole%22

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26 Jan 25 - 07:51 AM (#4215982)
Subject: RE: Folklore: Carnation Milk / Pet Milk poem (bawdy)
From: and e

Carnation Milk

There was a Norwegian couple that was always writing on these
contests, but they never won anything. So he quit writing, but she kept
on, and she won.

She met her boyfriend and said, "you know, Ole, I've won."

He said, "What did you write on?"

"I wrote on Carnation Milk."

"Well, what did you write, Lena?"

"I wrote, 'Carnation Milk is the best of all, no tits to pull, no shit
to haul.'" 218

218. George Russell, July 8, 1975. ... I recorded a Finish version in February, 1981,
from Charles Mattson of Covington, Michigan. Rural non-ethnic rhymers appear
in anonymous, Sexorama (NYC: Derby Press, 1955), p. 58, and Legman,
No Laughing Matter, p. 369.

2001. So Ole Says to Lena : Folk Humor of the Upper Midwest by James P Leary,


See online here: https://archive.org/details/soolesaystolenaf0000lear/page/152/mode/1up?q=carnation+milk

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