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BS: Texas shelling blues

02 Feb 00 - 05:31 AM (#172168)
Subject: Texas shelling blues
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler

Inspired by the story below, I felt you bards might like to have a go at it:
I'm no lyricist but how about to start:
Woke up this morning, found a shell hole in my barn
Woke up this morning, found several craters on my farm
Hey,Hey,General, what'd I do to do you harm?
[well, go on, do better!
RtS Story follows:
US Army shell Texas by mistake

2 February 2000

The US Army has launched an inquiry into how an incorrect compass reading resulted in a Texas ranch being peppered by bullets.

A soldier entering the wrong data into a howitzer's computer caused the early morning shelling of ranch land and homes about seven miles north of the Fort Hood Army base.

Fort Hood officials said that an improper compass reading was entered into a computer of a 155–millimeter self–propelled howitzer the night of Jan. 26. The incorrect compass reading changed the howitzer's firing direction.

The barrage of one illumination round and 11 explosive rounds puckered the ranch land with craters six feet across and shook people out of bed. No one was injured.

Artillery training remains postponed until the pending investigation is completed.

Fort Hood spokeswoman Lt. Col. Mary Cummings declined to elaborate on the artillery training the soldiers operating the howitzer received or what the disciplinary actions would involve.

RtS

02 Feb 00 - 07:13 AM (#172174)
Subject: RE: BS: Texas shelling blues
From: GUEST,micca at work

Theres a hole in my pasture dear Lisa dear Lisa Theres a hole in the pasture dear Lisa its big

Well how did it get there dear Henry dear Henry
Then how did it get there dear Henry then how

With a shell dear Lisa dear Lisa
With a shell dear Lisa or a bomb

Don't be stupid dear Henry dear Henry
Don't be stupid dear Henry don't be daft

There's a hole in the barn too dear Lisa dear Lisa
There's one in the barn too dear Lisa as well

It's the bloody Artillery dear Henry dear Henry
It's the bloody Artillery dear Henry Can't aim

There's an asshole at the gate dear Lisa dear Lisa
There's an asshole at the gate says he's come to explain

And what does he say Dear Henry dear Henry
And what does he say dear Henry this GI

He says its computers dear Lisa dear Lisa
He says its computers and they've made a mistake

How's that dear Henry dear Henry
How did this computer then make a mistake

Can't tell left from right dear Lisa dear Lisa
Can't tell left from right nor north from the south

Are these the guys with Minutemen Dear Henry dear Henry?
Are these the guys with the Minutemen that man our defense?

I guess so dear Lisa dear Lisa
I guess so dear Lisa they are Artillery

Well I'm emigrating dear Henry dear Henry
Then I'm emigrating dear Henry To Russia right now

Why's that dear Lisa dear Lisa?
Why's that dear Lisa why there?
Cos' that's where they're aiming dear Henry dear Henry
That's where they are aiming to defend the free world

They couldn't hit a barn door dear Henry dear Henry
The couldn't hit a barn door with its handle in their hands

02 Feb 00 - 08:14 AM (#172191)
Subject: RE: BS: Texas shelling blues
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)

Henry and Lisa don't worry so much it's "Friendly Fire" not the "enemy" Watch out for low flying Napalm though. They use that to tidy up the mess afterwards. Yours, (with tin helmet on) Aye. Dave

02 Feb 00 - 08:22 AM (#172196)
Subject: RE: BS: Texas shelling blues
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler

Great,Micca!
RtS

02 Feb 00 - 12:19 PM (#172335)
Subject: RE: BS: Texas shelling blues
From: Jon W.

Just for clarification, the Minuteman missile is US Air Force, not Army. Of course the Air Force never makes mistakes with its computers.