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05 Feb 00 - 01:48 AM (#173847) Subject: Caring what others think From: GUEST,Justin Fong Should a person care what others think of them? Why or why not? Justin |
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05 Feb 00 - 02:50 AM (#173852) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Liz the Squeak If you care what people think of you, It affects whatever you say or do. If you do not give a toss, Then that my freind, will be your loss. Trite, badly scanned, but true...... LTS |
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05 Feb 00 - 03:10 AM (#173859) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Clinton Hammond2 Also trite, but true... "I'm a rambler, I'm a gambler, I'm a long way from home And if ya don't like me, then let me alone..." Just my 0.02 ;-) |
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05 Feb 00 - 08:19 AM (#173878) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Dave (the ancient mariner) Justin, Good people and service should be recognised and rewarded, that ensures continuation and emulation. Very often it is ignored, and forgotten quickly. Sometimes it is seen and ignored by jealous people, who cannot stand the thought that someone else did better than they. As long as you are a benefit to the human race, and not a burden to it, then what you think of yourself is more important than what others think. Had I paid heed to others, I would not have accomplished half of the things I have done; and would not aspire to be a better person. Ultimately, you will be the judge of the value of other opinions. Some you will find beneficial, many you will not. Yours, Aye. Dave |
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05 Feb 00 - 09:28 AM (#173895) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Midchuck IMO, the question is stated too broadly to permit a simple answer. I care a great deal what the few people I respect highly think. I care somewhat less what the people I respect, but less highly, think. I don't give a **** what the people I don't respect think, unless it impacts my income or they think so little of me that it puts me in physical danger. Peter. |
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05 Feb 00 - 09:53 AM (#173905) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Clinton Hammond2 Well put Midchuck!! Let's hear it for the pocketbook! LOL! A nice breakdown... |
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05 Feb 00 - 10:10 AM (#173913) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Amos I believe what you think of yourself, and then what you think of your own products (of any kind--thought, speech, song, effort, writing, making, whatever) is far more important to your life. I believe it is healthy to respect the opinions and the voices of other humans. So I care what others think, but I don't give much of a hoot if they think unkindly about me personally. I think the craven fear of others' opinion is a deep copout indeed, when it is allowed to run your life. Guess that's why I'm not working in Hollywood or the District of Columbia. A |
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05 Feb 00 - 10:20 AM (#173917) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: sophocleese Well I waver and change on this one depending on mood and circumstance. I want other people to think well of me, but I'm also unwilling to make drastic changes to achieve that approval. So I can't say I don't care what others think of me, just that in most cases I don't care enough to change myself. |
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05 Feb 00 - 10:39 AM (#173922) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: GUEST,Bryant "You won't worry so much about what other people think of you when you realize how little they do." --David Foster Wallace |
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05 Feb 00 - 10:56 AM (#173929) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: GUEST, Bryant That should be: "You won't worry so much about what other people think of you when you realize how infrequently they do." Forgive me Mr. Wallace |
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05 Feb 00 - 01:20 PM (#173967) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: wysiwyg Well, of course, you have asked us what we think, so you are starting out already caring what people think. My opinion would be that you probablky care more than you need to, go ahead and live your life and sort out big questions like this one based on how it works for you! Your life will give you more accurate feedback than we can! Speaking personally-- that is what you asked us to do-- ultimately I care what God thinks, and that helps guide whose opinions I feel obligated to honor. That works for me, and my life is quite different as a result, much more fun than I had anticipated! |
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05 Feb 00 - 01:26 PM (#173970) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: MK If you want other people to like you, then you should care. If you don't, then it doesn't matter. I don't know about changing oneself, in order to gain the acceptance of others. It's a philosophy I personally don't subscribe to. Mine is basically, accept me the way I am or f**k *ff. 8^) I am also amused that women (and I'm really generalizing here so cut me so slack) are intially attracted and marry men for the way they are. Then they spend the rest of the marriage trying to change them and mold them into something more ideal. Takes years of training, and an infinate amount of patience on the part of the woman. 8-) |
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05 Feb 00 - 02:09 PM (#173987) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Metchosin Michael K. since you don't care what people think of you, I'll cut you a lot of slack and not respond to that generalization. *BG* |
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05 Feb 00 - 02:24 PM (#173990) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: DonMeixner When I was younger i didn't care particularly. I just treated people well and expected the same in return. I tried to be fair and honest in my dealings and I tried to do good work because I had pride in my self and my work. Then, when i got older, I learned that i had a reputation for being all the above which boosted the pride in self and the desire to do well by others. I had earned the reputation and now I know that it matters what what others think because it effects how I think and how I do. Simple I suppose, but factual. Don |
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05 Feb 00 - 02:35 PM (#173994) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Mbo My sister & I are fond of a quote by the author Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: "Do your best and hang the rest!" --Mbo |
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05 Feb 00 - 02:54 PM (#174002) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: JamesJim There's a lot of wisdom in fold music. Thinking of this Irish diddy: THE JUG OF PUNCH, by Francis McPeake LAST VERSE: If I drink too much, well my money's my own, And them as don't like me can leave me alone. But I'll tune my fiddle and I'll rosin my bow, And I'll be welcome wherever I go..... Too ra loo, etc. Forget the few and relish the many. Jim
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06 Feb 00 - 02:01 AM (#174215) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Judy Predmore Relating this more specifically to music... When I tell people I've found a perfect song that certain people will like, or will be perfect for certain occasions, I get immediate advice to choose songs for my own reasons, & not for other people. But there are so many incredible songs out there, I can't learn to sing them all... So I start my selection by noticing songs that really move me, that I'd like to learn for myself. Then I think where I'd like to sing them. If I can't think of anywhere or anyone I'd like to share the song with, then I'll just learn the melody & some of the words, & that's enough to keep me happy. If I think of a few situations or people who will really like the song, I'll learn it, but if it's long, I'll keep the lyrics with me for the few occasions I might sing it. If I think alot of people I share music with will like it, I learn it really well, & sing it often. I've gotten more & more feedback over the years, that people really like the songs I choose to sing. I think it's partly because I've been learning what it is about songs that move people. And it's also because I've listened to alot of songs, & I seek out songs that other people aren't familiar with. And I have to remind myself to try songs that I'm not sure people will like, & see what happens. Sometimes they fall flat, & sometimes I'm totally surprised that people like a song that I thought would be considered too sentimental or pop-music-ish, or whatever. I used to be thrilled when someone told me what a nice voice I had. Now what really thrills me is when people tell me what a wonderful song that was & where did I find it. I love to bring wonderful songs to people's attention. That makes both me & them happy - a win / win situation. |
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06 Feb 00 - 08:10 PM (#174286) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Rick Fielding "The desire to entertain devoid of sycophancy is a quality every stylist should aspire to." Quentin Crisp Still the wisest funny man I ever read (and finally met) Rick |
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06 Feb 00 - 08:20 PM (#174293) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Clinton Hammond2 Mbo... I was just watching the movie 'The Rock' while I was reading yer post... and there's a quote from Sean Connery that came up just as I was reading... Ya gotta picture it in his voice for the full effect... "Your best? Losers are always whining about thier best. Winners go home and f^ck the prom queen." Mmmmm... synchronicity eh! LOL!!! |
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06 Feb 00 - 08:32 PM (#174300) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Amos No! No! Don't go out that door Mbo!!! She's ...uh...she's NOT HOME! That's it!! Just settle down and try to continue the conversation, okay?? She's not home, man! A |
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06 Feb 00 - 09:14 PM (#174323) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Mbo Oh, she's probably home alright, but just very busy with school work. It's midterm time, or so I've heard. And so the wait continues... --Mbo |
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06 Feb 00 - 09:20 PM (#174327) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Amos The real winners get the prom queen to come to their door. A |
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06 Feb 00 - 09:24 PM (#174329) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Mbo If only it could be that way! --Mbo |
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06 Feb 00 - 09:36 PM (#174331) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: GUEST,_gargoyle The "kingdom of despots" is built on social/personal insecurities like the first two posts.
Who are insecure men Who will wonder their rights Question GOD give rights Give me ten ... . . . . . . . . . . ........................Adoph's Germany...................
Halleluah! the "filters" are off.....and I am back "ON"
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06 Feb 00 - 09:40 PM (#174332) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: GUEST,_gargoyle I doubt that many songs have been written about.
I KNOW that the preceeding centuries were built by men/women of character!!!!
If elements of this thread represent the thinking of "the new mellenium" the human race is in serious trouble. |
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06 Feb 00 - 09:55 PM (#174336) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: GUEST,_gargoyle Mr. Fong Ms. Squeak LaughCat
What the SHIT do you care....
ANY musician....ANY performer has....
a little "stage-fright"
Anxiety is a postive force....it helps produce exceptional performance.....
But to perform "FOR the audience" is WRONG.....you are a WHORE....
However, if you do NOT give your best, of your Best, of your BEST in a performance, (and are satisfied to settle for it) .....
..............You are less than a whore...you are a "pan-handler" offering little less than a "thank you" to a benevolent audience.
Set YOUR standards beyound YOUR reach....and then you NEVER have to WORRY about "acceptance" because you are performing at YOUR potential.
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06 Feb 00 - 10:05 PM (#174340) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Little Neophyte On Maintaining Your Beliefs If someone says to you, "I think your behavior is shameful. You say, "well, thank you, I appreciate you sharing your opinion." Then if they say, "I think that what you believe is stupid and you are wrong and who do you think you are and you are selfish and you are certainly not going to get my approval" You say, "Thank you for your opinion, it helps me concentrate. I particularly like the way that cockroach walked around your coffee mug while you were talking about MY LIFE. And what threw me into a state of absolute ecstasy was when the cockroach stopped, looked up at me, winked, and then urinated in your coffee. I love it. I totally love it." The Secrets of Life, Stuart Wilde |
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06 Feb 00 - 10:44 PM (#174349) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: GUEST,_gargoyle's protege_ (gargoyle's words)
Anxiety is a postive force....it helps produce exceptional performance..... (end of quote) Spot on Brother! |
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07 Feb 00 - 12:10 AM (#174374) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Callie gargoyle et al: did you know that you need only use three stops (.) to designate a pause? ... |
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07 Feb 00 - 06:39 AM (#174409) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: The Shambles Good question and good answers and Don's comments in particular were spot on. Being noticed, receiving approval and praise from others is welcome. Not being noticed, being disapproved of and receiving (any) criticism, even if perfectly valid, is not welcome. Whether it "matters" or not, I don't know but I have found that it is just the way things are. I would suggest even the ones above who express the 'I don't care, take me as I am' point of view, may have just a little look at this thread to see how their comments were received? I range from wanting the whole world to love me, praise and agree with everything I do, to sulking in a corner and mumbling "it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks". Being universally loved is not going to happen and too much conscious effort to achieve that end is probably not a healthy thing. Pretending that it does not matter and more importantly, acting accordingly, is also not very healthy. The anonymous nature of posting online unfortunately tends to encourage the latter view and to an extreme level, in some cases. Whatever some of the worst of those may think of you? Does not and should not matter to you, in the slightest. Although we may receive some level of approval, the only approval that appears to matter to us is, receiving it from the ones who are unlikely, unwilling, or unable to give it. |
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07 Feb 00 - 08:48 AM (#174426) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Little Neophyte To Shambles and anyone else who is interesting, When I was younger I only cared about what others thought of me. I had such low self-esteem that it took me until my late teens to realize I had an opinion. All my romantic relationships were built on "Oh, you actually like me? What can I do to make you happy? I will try to be what I think you want so you will love me and never leave me?" Eventually these relationships would fail because they were built on a pathetic base. I had lots of girl friends. I thought of myself as a friend farmer. I could plant the seeds of friendship and make anything grow. I was so giving, pleasing and accommodating, who wouldn't want to be my friend. I marched in ten weddings as a bridesmaid. A particularly popular wedding photographer use to joke with me "Bonnie you should start a bridesmaid rental service". Then one day after many years of dealing with all my personal crap, I decided I am really tired of caring what others think of me just so I could receive their love and approval. I decided I was just going to be myself, and whoever stuck around was just fine by me. This attitude has restored a great deal of my energy allowing my creativity to flow which I now put towards more constructive endeavors. I also enjoy life more and I am a much happier person these days. I feel more authentic, vibrant and alive. Bonnie
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07 Feb 00 - 09:10 AM (#174433) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Rick Fielding I'm still trying to think of any songs about "SPINLESS"! Look, I can deal with (what choice do I have) rambling incoherent rantings, but the spelling around here has become nothing short of a joke in itself. Shape up, flame-mongers! Rick |
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07 Feb 00 - 09:23 AM (#174440) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Terry Allan Hall The Chinese teach us that there are 3 of every man...the man the world sees, the man he, himself, sees, and the man he truly is. Worth thinking about. |
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07 Feb 00 - 09:26 AM (#174443) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Amos Ah, Rick, sir: It is a wonderful thing to take up arms against stupidity, ignorance, illiteracy and hog-headed egoism. But it's a brave thing to tilt at a windmill, too, and the windmill doesn't usually notice! Fondly, A. |
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08 Feb 00 - 05:43 AM (#174915) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: The Shambles http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=17925&messages=4 |
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08 Feb 00 - 05:52 AM (#174917) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: The Shambles Sorry about the above.
I like praise but I get emmbarrassed and find it difficult to deal with.
I don't like criticism but I can respond to it and deal with it better. What I really don't like and hurts me most (like others) is not to be noticed and to be ignored. Are you listening?....SOMEBODY?....anybody....? |
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08 Feb 00 - 09:21 AM (#174956) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: wysiwyg Sometimes it is good to look past that and notice the profound effect we are having on the world even when we may not feel like anyone knows we're here or not. Have you ever noticed how much the behind-the-scenes people actually accomplish? I think we humans affect our world much more than we suspect. I also find I care less and less what people think, moment to moment, as I come to uderstand what my identity in Christ is. I care much more now whether I make a contribution to the world than I once did, and less that I ever get any recognition for it. I find that I am much more connected to what I know inside and what I feel, and being ignored or invalidated just doesn't seem to hit that old hurt spot anymore. A wonderful sermon a friend of ours preached recently comes to mind., He was talking about the way love is expressed now in our culture, and the expectations people have in their marriages and actually most types of relationships. People staret thinking the other person will make them happy. Then they achieve a state where they think they can make each other happy, selflessly. They often settle for that. But the true intimacy, he described, comes when those two people stop gazing into each others' eyes, join hands, and turn outward together to face the world and devote their energies to those passions they share. He said, why see the sunset in your lover's eyes when you can sit side by side seeing it together and know the intimacy of feeling that your lover sees it the same way you do? I think of that often now and it has really helped me focus away from the too-human MeMeMe/TheyTheyThey stuff and instead see what needs doing around me. |
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08 Feb 00 - 09:29 AM (#174960) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Amos I have a half-writ song on this topic, called "Bring Down the Walls". Don't tell Aine, as she'll just make me finish it. :>). It reflects on the phenomenon of getting past endless comparisons among selves, breaking down walls and opening up to direct experience, which is much easier when one is not wrestling with introversion or various forms of "identity combat". But it doesn't talk like that. :>) A |
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08 Feb 00 - 09:43 AM (#174966) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: annamill I care about what people think when I do something I feel is a good thing. I don't give a damn about what people think when I've done something I feel is a not-so-good thing. I know the difference...most of the time. ;-) Love, annap |
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08 Feb 00 - 10:24 AM (#174994) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: The Shambles Young Love Old Love
Young love, a desperate duet to be sung
Old love, forgets the words but not the tune Roger Gall 1997. |
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08 Feb 00 - 10:44 AM (#175005) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Amos Another beauty, Roger! Got to be in the book! A |
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08 Feb 00 - 10:47 AM (#175008) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: GUEST,Mbo **SIGH** --Mbo |
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08 Feb 00 - 12:22 PM (#175052) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Little Neophyte Shambles, that was beautiful. Praise, I enjoy reading your posting. You have much wisdom to offer us. Mbo, just a reminder when sighing, breath in deeply on the inhale before expending your lungs on the exhale. BB |
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08 Feb 00 - 12:40 PM (#175066) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: wysiwyg Just sharing what I've already been given, grateful to get more here, grateful to have something to contribute. You are all helping me raise Red Cross disaster money because I have to be online on and off during all waking hours and even media sluts need an occasional moment in the clouds before going back to word-mongering. Here we can wordsmith and wordsling Ugghhh....ya got me........ Blam! Blam! Bam! ??? How did Emeril get in here???? Ya always gotta watch for the ones on the roof. |
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08 Feb 00 - 07:19 PM (#175264) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: GUEST,Rich(stupidbodhranplayer.....) I have to look at my intentions and the source of my caring or lack thereof. I have spent a hell of a lot of time trying to be the Rich others wanted me to be and it never works! I grew up not thinking very highly of myself, so I based too much of my own self worth on the value that other's assigned to me. In end I lost either way, because if you did like me it wasn't based on the real me(whomever that was), it was based on the mask I was wearing, and if you didn't well then I hadn't even played the role right! I can't say that I'm entirely free of that kind of thinking today, but I'm doing a lot better. If I say or do something that I truly believe to be right, then I'm only responsible for my feelings about it. If I do or say something for effect, then chances are I won't be happy with it any way. This does not mean I can carelessly tramp on the feelings of others, but if I keep my side of the street clean, then I am not responsible for others reactions. It is natural to want others to like oneself, but to let others dictate your life is only leads to dissapointment in the end. (Gee, I hope everybody likes what I posted about not caring what people think of me) Rich |
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08 Feb 00 - 07:44 PM (#175276) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Amos I don't care what other people think about you either, if that's any help. A |
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08 Feb 00 - 07:44 PM (#175277) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Amos I don't care what other people think about you either, if that's any help. A |
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08 Feb 00 - 09:57 PM (#175329) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: GUEST,Justin Fong There has been a lot of discourse
But, no one has answered my question
I am hurt.
Please
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08 Feb 00 - 10:00 PM (#175333) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Mbo YES! TOMMY RULES! --Mbo |
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08 Feb 00 - 11:28 PM (#175369) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Rick Fielding Oh all right Justin. No we don't care what others think of you. Say goodnight Gracie. Rick |
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09 Feb 00 - 09:25 AM (#175482) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: wysiwyg Rick, just for you... Goodnight Gracie. |
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09 Feb 00 - 09:41 AM (#175494) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Amos The answer is int he thread -- read it carefully twice. A |
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09 Feb 00 - 10:50 AM (#175545) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: GUEST,kat Whats the name of that new blues singer susan something |
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09 Feb 00 - 11:24 AM (#175574) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Rick Fielding No Kat, I believe it's "Suddenly Susan" and it's on NBC. Rick (who doesn't care what Brooke Shields thinks about anything) |
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09 Feb 00 - 11:41 AM (#175589) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: catspaw49 To be Just about it all, I personally think you need a better grip. Of course, that's here and not in Fong where the rules for being Just may be different. And where the hell is Fong anyway? Spaw |
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09 Feb 00 - 11:47 AM (#175592) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Amos No, spaw, it's as in the famous torch song...just in fong, you came and found me...I think Bill Clinton used to sing it. No offense meant. A |
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09 Feb 00 - 11:59 AM (#175603) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: catspaw49 Maybe its the Fong of O.J. infamy........ Why do you want to know, MISTER Fong? Spaw |
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09 Feb 00 - 01:01 PM (#175638) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: katlaughing Rick, t'weren't me, never a GUEST shall I be. |
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09 Feb 00 - 05:52 PM (#175792) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: wysiwyg In OJ it was FUNG. Here is Justion's definitive answer, since you are all being so cute (cute as lil ole buttons...!) 1. Maybe. 2. Because. |
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10 Feb 00 - 06:17 AM (#176060) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: The Shambles If the only way our sad friends can now get on to the forum is by them asking sensible questions, maybe we should just stick to answering the sensible question? Maybe we find it difficult to recognise victory? |
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10 Feb 00 - 09:22 AM (#176100) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Amos The sensible answer: yes, and no, depending on circumstance and definition. Being needy for admiration is the greatest character flaw ever; it short-circuits careers, undermines courage, compromises awareness and wreaks havoc with conscience. Caring about other people, taking reasonable care to be an "acceptable" presence among them in order to stay in communication, doing necessary fence-mending and public relations work, is just part of getting along with other members of one's own species. But those are very different from yearning for attention, being addicted to admiration, or going through life seeking approval because one forgot to bring one's own. Excerpt from "Psychobabble 101: Truisms from Southern California" by Doc Hizzdik and Makim Crie, Gyamie-Love Publications, Los Angeles, 1967. |
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10 Feb 00 - 09:27 AM (#176104) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: katlaughing Doesn't matter what kind of bait a troll uses, it is still just bait. |
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10 Feb 00 - 09:40 AM (#176111) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Amos It's deep, and it has a hook in it. I like it, kAT> :>) |
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10 Feb 00 - 09:45 AM (#176115) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: katlaughing So...where's the song, Amos?>:-) |
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10 Feb 00 - 10:39 AM (#176144) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: GUEST,Mbo I tried not to care what others thought just recently, and speak what was on my mind--and it appears to have destroyed everything. ALWAYS give a regard for what others may think--you may end up unintentionally hurting someone. It works when you're driving, and it works in life. --Mbo |
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10 Feb 00 - 10:46 AM (#176148) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Amos Ah, Mbo -- the pennies drop like rain. The doctrine of "truth at all costs" gives way to "try to cause effects that others are able to experience relatively easily". Lo! Wisdom is abloom on the land! I applaud you. We'll make a pr flak of you yet! Kat, My creative..um...juices got used up this morning writing a toast to the Songbook Goddess, but I think a song about trolling on the banks of the Mudcat is definitely in order -- you get a line, I'll get a hook, honey! (banjo riff, fade) A |
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10 Feb 00 - 10:57 AM (#176156) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: GeorgeH I think I've resisted this thread so far; it seems a good illustration of the best and worst of Mudcat, and confirmed my impression of one or two catters . . Actually, I think those who say they don't give a [whatever} what ANYONE else thinks about them are, plain and simple, liars. On the othe hand, I don't give a [whatever] what any of those-I've-just-branded-as-liars think about me. G. |
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13 Feb 00 - 12:44 AM (#177474) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Crowhugger Justin, I have a dear friend who has chosen to delve into music for his career. If he had acted upon any counsel but his own, he'd be an accountant. Which for him would not earn a living but a "dying" because he hates accounting. As it is, he spends all day every day relishing every morsel that his life has to offer. Like the song says, "You gotta go where your heart says go..." I don't know if the song also says that'll be the second-most difficult thing you ever do. For me, anyhow, the most difficult thing is directing my life without enough consideration of my own goals. Sometimes it means juggling priorities for a time. Just keep sight of who you are. The way these $0.02 are piling up you'll be rich!
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13 Feb 00 - 10:46 AM (#177601) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: wysiwyg Mbo, So, did you clear up the damage? If not to retrieve what was lost, which is another topic, to regain your sense of being right with your values? It's usually worth it... |
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13 Feb 00 - 10:58 AM (#177606) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Crowhugger Justin, if you're still around, what's happening to bring the questions to your mind? |
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13 Feb 00 - 05:09 PM (#177751) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Curlie Cornflake Amos said it for me! |
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13 Feb 00 - 05:55 PM (#177770) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Curlie Cornflake
Should a person care what others think of them?
In short – and I mean, in short, I think the answer has to be yes.
If we believe that ‘no one is an island’ then we must accept that we are a ‘communal animal’ and as such have a duty of care, one to another. If this is true, and we care about others, we must be aware of others; considering their values, thoughts and feelings.
We all need to find value in ourselves. To do this we ‘test’ ourselves, our values, thoughts and opinions, on others. If they agree we feel our opinions are validated and if they disagree we enter that uncomfortable state of ‘negotiation’ where we attempt to persuade the other that they are wrong or ultimately concede that we are. Less often we 'agree to differ' but if we truly choose not to care that our opinion/value/judgement is different from another, we choose isolation. This is to find little or no value in the opinion of the other and I believe is only a reasonable option in the short term. If this becomes the only option I believe we become dangerously isolated.
Liz the Squeek was right to say;
If you care what people think of you,
I also think that Midchuck (Peter) had a point when he said, "the question is stated too broadly to permit a simple answer.
I also found a lot of value in Amos’ thoughts on the subject "I believe what you think of yourself, and then what you think of your own products (of any kind--thought, speech, song, effort, writing, making, whatever) is far more important to your life. I believe it is healthy to respect the opinions and the voices of other humans. So I care what others think, but I don't give much of a hoot if they think unkindly about me personally. I think the craven fear of others' opinion is a deep copout indeed, when it is allowed to run your life"
I think Rudyard Kipling had the answer, reflected in his poem 'If' when he wrote, "If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you" and later, "If all men count with you, but none too much,"
Interesting - if unexpected question! |
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13 Feb 00 - 06:49 PM (#177793) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Mbo Praise, the damage appears to be permanent. It's going to be a long while before I change the values. I had never hurt anyone or anything in my life, but this first time I hurt the one person I won't have done anything to protect. Tough lessons you have to learn. --Mbo |
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14 Feb 00 - 01:12 AM (#177953) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: wysiwyg When this thread first started I thought, well, that's a no-brainer! Of course it isn't. And I have found myself thinking about it quite a bit, off and on. Today I was on a long drive and suddenly all the thoughts I had been having about this resolved into one basic respone-- Sometimes I do care what people think/feel/believe/say/do... Sometimes I don't... But what is always true is that I care deeply how people ARE. I care if someone is hurt and is made less than they were by acting on that fear. I care if someone is angry and temporarily made quite stupid bcause they can't see straight. I can't take responsibility for how people feel or think, but I can take my share of accountability for the effects, in people's lives, of my actions. I can share the consequences in trying to resolve what I have shared in messing up. Whether I am right or someone else is or we both are, I don't worry over so much anymore. But whether someone whose space I share is doing OK, that I care about. It is remarkably easy to make a big difference in the world around ourselves if we pay attention to that distinction. It only takes responding to how people ARE.
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14 Feb 00 - 01:26 AM (#177954) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Brendy Ah, but Praise, do you think that other people care about people who only think they care about caring about what other people care they're thinking about thinking about caring? Now the answer to that question has kept me awake many's the night! |
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14 Feb 00 - 01:33 AM (#177955) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: wysiwyg Brendy, What sorts of things do you think you used to think you thought about before you became so sleep deprived that you began to care too much about what people who care care to think others care about? As for what I think, about whether other people care about people who only think they care about caring about what other people care they're thinking about thinking about caring, I think that caring about thinking is probably more centrally (as well as globally) significant that thinking about caring. However I am always open to further thought if you care to think or think you care. |
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14 Feb 00 - 07:07 AM (#177993) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: The Shambles Who cares? |
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15 Feb 00 - 03:42 AM (#178587) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: GUEST,Seamus Kennedy I care about whether people say " I COULD care less," instead of "I COULDN'T care less." The former is just careless, and the latter is correct, if anyone cares. |
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15 Feb 00 - 03:47 AM (#178589) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: wysiwyg I used to care whether people changed the toilet paper with the first sheet hanging down under-- or up and over. Now I just care if they change it, and if they throw out the empty roll. |
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15 Feb 00 - 03:56 AM (#178593) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Crowhugger Me too, Praise. And there is the matter of toilet seats, at least it's a matter to some. Sorry, degenerating the thread isn't my intention. Still wondering where's Justin, though. |
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17 Feb 00 - 09:31 PM (#180416) Subject: RE: Help: Caring what others think From: Brendy Maybe he's gone into care! |