Song Challenge! Part 10

25 Feb 00 - 10:29 AM (#184645)
Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

From a recent National Public Radio show segment:

Mr. Patrick Wright is serving time in the George F. Bailey Detention Facility in Otay Mesa, California for brandishing a knife at police and for illegal possession of ferrets. He went in February 8th and he gets out Friday February 25th, at 12:01am. In California, unlike most states in the U.S., keeping ferrets as pets is illegal. He picked up the knife when the police burst through his door during a raid to take possession of his four pet ferrets. "I like to believe I live in a free country . . . in California . . . it's like we're dealing with Stalin . . . it's completely un-American," says Mr. Wright. His fellow inmates in the county jail at first didn't believe he'd been arrested for ferret possession. However, after they'd seen his picture in the local newspaper, they began calling him 'Ferretman'. He told the court that he is sorry about the knife incident, but still defends his right to keep ferrets. The appeal of ferrets he says, '. . . they're like little clowns . . . they're Prozac with legs."

The Challenge is to write a song welcoming Mr. Wright home from the county jail and/or defending his right to keep ferrets! "Land of the brave, home of the free and the ferret!" Let's not go for the obvious low-humor or the easy laugh on this one -- 'Bawdy' is fine, but let's not sink to 'nasty', OK? Think 'subtle'!

GO FOR IT, CHALLENGE!RS!!

-- Áine

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25 Feb 00 - 10:39 AM (#184651)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Wait, wait ... are you elevating the tone of these challenges by raising our admittedly lowclass sights to...ferrets???

Aine, Aine...can't we talk about this? Ferrets?

I knew a guy kept two in the Village and they were like Prozac on legs, with sharp little teeth..

---

25 Feb 00 - 10:47 AM (#184656)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Dear Amos,

I think you've already started writing your song there, dear heart . . .

-- Áine

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25 Feb 00 - 10:50 AM (#184659)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Aw geez..and I promised to do taxes today!

A

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25 Feb 00 - 11:01 AM (#184670)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Troll

Did mine early! nyah, nyah, nyah

Seriously,Amos. This one's all yours. I didn't sleep at all last night(emergency root canal yesterday) and it's finally caught up! I'll see y'all tonight.I'm for bed.

troll TTFN

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25 Feb 00 - 11:05 AM (#184673)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Well, that's enough to tip anyone into the cauldron, mate. Sleep well. Let the madness pass, and wakeup to sunlight...

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25 Feb 00 - 11:31 AM (#184693)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Dear Troll,

Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt AND the postcard! Take it easy and here's hoping that you recover quickly. If you feel like doing something tomorrow or Sunday, go ahead.

-- Áine

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25 Feb 00 - 12:22 PM (#184719)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Metchosin

Don't be so hard on the little guys, eh, especially the females. Talk about driven, when they become sexually mature they go into permanent estrous and unless they become pregnant they will die. You have to spay them to save them from their driving passions. Hmmm.........guess that sort of explains one of my favorite expressions.."rutting away like crazed weasels".

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25 Feb 00 - 12:32 PM (#184726)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Troll

Maybe I'll give it a shot after all. I can't seem to sleep. I just keep drifting. In and out, in and out..

troll

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25 Feb 00 - 02:44 PM (#184872)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Old Man Troll is a favorite pal
Welcome back from your root canal!
Is head is full of Nembutal
Welcome back from your root canal!
His jaw is swollen up like lard
Man that dentist's chair is hard
And now he's flaked out in the yard.
Recovering from a root canal, ohh

New bridge! Betcha need a crown!
New bridge and deductible is down!
But I sure you will recover,
You're still our favorite pal!
And we know you will get over your
Roooot canal!

---

25 Feb 00 - 03:45 PM (#184914)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: wysiwyg

I can actually HEAR that.... must be a Friday thing!

Whaddya MEAN it's Monday? I lost a whole fockin' WEEKEND?

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25 Feb 00 - 05:53 PM (#184968)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Though this challenge has its merits
Noone's written about ferrets
ANd from Nome to Finisterre, it's
Clear not many have th einspiration in hand to compose ditties about those damn ferrets...

A

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25 Feb 00 - 06:19 PM (#184978)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Troll

Amos! YOU DA MAN!!

Thanks so much for the song and the support.

I'm not in any pain because of the Loricet, but it's very hard to focus my thoughts. Still, I should be off the drugs by tomorrow.The penicillin is taking care of the infection and, yes, I will need a crown.

The worst part of it is,we always got our dental insurance through my Wifes job-she's a teacher- and this year they decided not to offer a dental plan! So we are on our own!

But, it could be worse. It could be Monday.

troll

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25 Feb 00 - 08:42 PM (#185047)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

The True Story of Patrick Wright's Wrong-Doing (Tune: Bally Jame's Bluff)

Patrick Wright, sir, was born out in warm California
Where weirdoes cavort by the sea.
And he always enjoyed things a privileged boy
Has when born to the land of the free.
He had his own cell-phone by the time he was 12,
And a "Woody" before twenty-one!
A happy white male growing under the law
In the land of the free and the sun!

He began his career selling sweet Baby's Tears
In a Home Depot garden display
And by learning the ropes and by staying quite stoked,
He soon managed the whole garden bay
So the future looked bright, and the pay was all right,
And he thought he might soon take a wife!
But young Wright's aspirations were tumbled as soon
As two young ferrets entered his life!

Now the thing was begun all in innocent fun,
He just yearned to seem different and cool,
To attract Susie Lake, whom he'd met on a break,
A young student at hairdresser's school.
Young Patrick looked 'round and he rapidly found
The coolest and newest thing yet!
Two ferrets quite rare, a beautiful pair
In the classified ads, under "Pets".

Now this stunt was successful, and not very stressful;
Young Susie surrendered her keep
On the very first kiss, and with unfathomed bliss
In her hairdresser's arms he did sleep
But early next morning from his dreams he was torn
By the light of a flashing blue glare!
And a terrible pounding on his  front door was sounding,
And a cop yelling "We know you're there!"

It was just before dawn, and young Susie was gone
And Patrick, afraid for his life
Staggered up to his feet, with his mind half asleep
And picked up a large sushi knife
As he opened the door, he was slammed to the floor,
And by three cops was brutally mugged!
And his head it was ringing, his poor face was stinging
And they rolled him away to the jug.

Now the judge made the claim, in the State's noble name
That he'd broken the law and done harm!
And for keeping those ferrets, he would quickly inherit
SIx months in the County's worst farm!
Though he protests and cries and all wrong he denies
The inmates there grant it no merit!
They are sure it's a crime, for which he's doing time,
And have taken to calling him "Ferrett".

While he stands at the fence in a pose of repentance
There's a young lawyer  out on a flail
He is Ronnie McBurney, prosecuting attorney,
Who sent our young Patrick to jail
And he pulls up before  old Sherriff Lake's door
And he's only a few minutes late,
Gives a handshake in peace to that chief of police
And runs Susy Lake out on a date!

---

25 Feb 00 - 09:14 PM (#185053)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Dear Amos,

What can I say? And here I thought I'd finally stumped ya! You will be sending this to me via mydocsonline now, won't ya? Well done, sir! I'm still working on mine, to the tune of an old Beatles song -- but, it is HOCKEY night, and we're playing the Blackhawks (long time rivalry, as Dallas used to be the farm team for Chicago back in the dark ages) -- so, I'll be completing my little ditty later.

Maith thú, a stór!

-- Áine

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25 Feb 00 - 09:45 PM (#185066)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: McGrath of Harlow

So the constitution doesn't recognise the right to bear ferrets? If it had been a dog or a cat you know, it wouldn't be seen as funny.

They were sweet little creatures,
when they weren't trying to eat you,
as Quentin once said of the folk of New York.
They were safer than houses,
sure, they were safe in me trousers -
when the time came around for to go for a walk.

But the police came a calling
with shouting and bawling
to steal me ferrets, with no reason or rhyme.
In this country a rifle
is only a trifle
but it seems that a ferret is some kind of crime.

So Pat pulled out his knife
to protect his pets' life
but they soon overpowered him and took him away
and when he came out of prison
his ferrets were missing -
in this land of the free and this home of the brave.

And if this land was your land
and this land was my land
then there's something gone wrong, it's been stolen away.
But be warned, California,
now me ferrets are gone - ya'll
be under my curse, till the Great Judgement Day..

Or NELL FLAHERTY'S DRAKE could be rewritten for the occasion.

---

25 Feb 00 - 09:55 PM (#185067)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Oh Kevin! That's a Harp Ribbon winner without doubt!

-- Áine

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25 Feb 00 - 10:44 PM (#185081)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

Um....didn't Dallas Starts used to be Minnesota North Stars?

--Mbo

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25 Feb 00 - 11:16 PM (#185093)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

As the Goddess Commands...why is it I am always sending megabytes up to the Goddess when its hockey night? ...sigh...

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25 Feb 00 - 11:22 PM (#185095)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Kevin -- we used up "Nell Flaherty's Drake" on the chicken song -- remember? Well. . . you can use it again on ferrets if you really want ... .
.
"That dear ferrett heart had teeth that were sharp, .
he would squirm like an earth worm and bite like a bee....
Bad cess to the pigs with their guns and their sticks,
who stole both my dear-hearted ferrets from me..." .
.
You can use the curses from the chicken song if its any help...
.
A

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25 Feb 00 - 11:46 PM (#185120)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

(Cheers, whistles, clapping)Oh, God!!! Paul! Paul! John! John!! Ooooooooooooooo!!!!!!(Screams, cries, swoons, whistles)Oh, God!!! Ringo, Ringo!!! Ooooooh!!!!! Geoooooooooorge!!!! ooooooooooo!!!(Repeat and fade) (Enter Ed Sullivan, shaking his jowels and rubbing his hands)Good shew!!! Reallly good shew!!!!

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26 Feb 00 - 12:11 AM (#185140)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Thank yew, thank yew very much!

After listening to your song, dear Amos, I have to say it is yet another Harp Ribbon winner!!

-- Áine

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26 Feb 00 - 12:16 AM (#185142)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Dear ÁIne, grá mo chroí :

Thank you for your kindness, I am but an egg and unworthy; I feel completely fulfilled now...

Maybe we both need to go see the folks over at the Neil Young Center...

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26 Feb 00 - 02:16 AM (#185175)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: wysiwyg

For you, housecalls!

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26 Feb 00 - 02:31 AM (#185176)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Barky

Patty Wright's Crazy Life
(to the tune of Tim Finnegan's Wake)

Patrick Wright was a crazy man,
He kept four ferrets in his bed.
He'd feed them Prozac night and morn',
And when they died, he'd have new ones born.
Now Pat had a bit of a clowny way,
With a love of the ferret, Pat was born,
And to help him on with his work each day,
He'd a "pet" with his ferrets every morn'!

Whack for your ferret,
Dance to your Prozac,
Hit your ferrets on the floor.
Why don't ya go now, have some fun?
Play with your ferrets one time more.

Now one day the cops got a lead,
to where a guy was keeping pets
that were not legal for to breed,
That is correct, it's our friend Pat.
Now Pat, he loved his pets.
He would do anything for them.
So on the coppers, he pulled a knife, and now's got ten years in the pen.

Whack for your ferret,
Dance to your Prozac,
Hit your ferrets on the floor.
Why don't ya go now, have some fun?
Play with your ferrets one time more.

Our Patty, he was feelin' bad,

About the way he treated the cops.
He told the other inmates how he was sad,
Now let's just say they're hurtin' his chops!
His ferrets, well they're farin' well.
They're living in Berlin.
They're glad to be away from that raging hell,
And living on free gin.

Whack for your ferret,
Dance to your Prozac,
Hit your ferrets on the floor.
Why don't ya go now, have some fun?
Play with your ferrets one time more.

~Barky

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26 Feb 00 - 02:43 AM (#185181)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: wysiwyg

great!!!!!

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26 Feb 00 - 02:48 AM (#185183)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Barky

Aw shux!

~Barky

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26 Feb 00 - 09:38 AM (#185238)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Hell, I better go shop for a new mantlepiece, Barky...just for your cowpies. I think you have a future in this racket, which makes me very sad. (:>)) A good songwriter is a sign of a wasted youth, y'know...

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26 Feb 00 - 10:13 AM (#185249)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Troll

AWRIGHT AWREADY!! I'M WORKIN ON IT! I'M WORKIN ON IT!

And Amos, my dad always said that a good pool shot was a sure sign of a mis-spent youth so just be glad your kid's a song-writer.It could be a WHOLE lot worse.I mean she could play the bodhran!

troll

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26 Feb 00 - 10:22 AM (#185252)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Damn, he came out of that eerie canal with a vengeance!

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26 Feb 00 - 10:41 AM (#185260)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Great job, Barky! You're a chip off your daddy's golden cow chip, that's for sure!

Dearest Troll, take your time, don't make your mouth hurt too much, OK? I don't want the guilt that you writing songs when you felt bad would bring me.

-- Áine

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26 Feb 00 - 01:11 PM (#185301)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: McGrath of Harlow

Here's a site with lots of links to ferrets and people who look after them, including some doty pictures courtesy as it happens of Webferret, my favourite search engine.

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26 Feb 00 - 02:35 PM (#185329)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: McGrath of Harlow

I consulted by favourite search engine, which oddly enough is called Webferret, which always seems to come up wioth the good, and it came up with lots of links to people who love ferrets.

Here's a site called All about ferrets with a really rather charming ferret picture.

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26 Feb 00 - 02:36 PM (#185330)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: McGrath of Harlow

Don't ask me what went wrong there... But the links work fine, and it's a good-looking ferret.

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26 Feb 00 - 02:37 PM (#185331)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

Woooo Barky! Harp Ribbon for Barky! Harp Ribbon for Barky!

--Mbo

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26 Feb 00 - 05:10 PM (#185376)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Barky

Aw shucks, again! But if you insist.... =0)~

~Barky

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26 Feb 00 - 05:12 PM (#185377)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

We're using the golden chips as credit toward a new virtual mantelpiece.

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26 Feb 00 - 05:27 PM (#185389)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Barky

I guess that song's not too bad for a 15 year old, eh? =)

~Barky

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26 Feb 00 - 06:02 PM (#185401)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

Great for ANYONE, Barky. I was totally stumped on the challenge!

--mbo

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26 Feb 00 - 06:58 PM (#185426)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Lonesome EJ

I Fought for Ferrets

I fought for ferrets
But I did not stab the Deputy
I fought for ferrets
But I did not stab the Deputy

All around Otay Mesa
They trying to put me down
They say "Loco in cabesa!
There go de Ferret Clown!"

De Sheriff, he hate my rodents
so he launch de ferret attack
He say dey walking Hanta Hosts
I say dey walking Prozac
Yes and I, I want dem ferret back

(and I say)I fought for ferrets
But I didn't cut no deputy (no no)
It was me dat fought for ferrets
And de Sheriff say he doing his duty

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26 Feb 00 - 07:01 PM (#185428)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Wheee! You got da Rivum, LEJ -- man, what an ear. So its the Hanta thing that got them outlawed? I thought it was ecology disruption...hmmm.

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26 Feb 00 - 07:35 PM (#185454)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Well, this is going great! I've got the awards ready and the songpages made . . . so, WHERE ARE YOU, TROLL??? Did the painkillers finally kick in?? We're waiting to hear from you, darlin'!!

-- Áine

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26 Feb 00 - 07:56 PM (#185464)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: GUEST,Barky(from another computer)

HEY! Nice one, LEJ! That's one of my favorite Marley songs. (That is, next to Is This Love)

~Barky

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26 Feb 00 - 08:05 PM (#185469)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Barky? Where are you? Are you down at that client's in PB?

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26 Feb 00 - 08:15 PM (#185472)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Barky got BUSTED, Barky got BUSTED!!! Nah nee nah nee boo boo!

Mmmmmm, that sounds like the beginning of a GREAT song -- any takers on that one???

-- Áine

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26 Feb 00 - 08:25 PM (#185477)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

(Tune: The Night that Old Larry Got Stretched)

The night that young Barky got busted She was meant to be fixin' computers And her folks thought she could be trusted But she's run off on an internet tooter.

(spoken) But her Pa found out!

...Well there's one verse for ye

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26 Feb 00 - 08:30 PM (#185479)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

Shameful Amos! You got poor Barky out fixin' computers on a Saturday night, while you're sitting around writing songs? **BOG**

--Mbo

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26 Feb 00 - 08:43 PM (#185488)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Well the way of it is this -- she got the chance to go with her ma to a client's house, which meant she got to drive on the freeway, which is still a scarce and wonderful treat to her instead of the the hair-graying terror it is to some.

Interesting how our attitudes pale and wither as we grow scarred...anyway so she went along to be the willing chauffeuse.

---

26 Feb 00 - 08:59 PM (#185494)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

Why Barky's Not At Work Today

Oh dear Infamous Amos, how could you be so mean?
By sitting here a-writing songs on your computer screen?
While Barky-lass is out now at the setting of the sun
And fixing computers or Saturday night instead of having fun?

Oh the hard life of a teenager--it never ends, I fear
I'm still feeling it myself, though older by 6 year
Yer parents make you work all night when you wish to play
And when you do they chew you out, in a most annoying way
While secretly your not listening to a single word they day!

And worst of all, and most of all, they always get upset
When you're supposed to work and instead you surf the net!
And especially the Mudcat, with all it's grace & charms
Will draw you like a magnet into it's awaiting arms!

So parents all around the world, take this word from me
Berate not your poor children, for I'd much rather see
Us kids all surfing Mudcat, writing songs and more
Because the work we have to do is really quite a bore!


--Mbo

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26 Feb 00 - 09:02 PM (#185496)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Ooooohhhh, precioussss! It's lovely! How I do love a good re-challenge!!

OK, Daddy Amos, here's the second verse:

The night that young Barky got caught
She was driving the freeway at night
Was she doing what Dad thought she ought?
To squeeze by Mom it would be too tight

Boy! Is that A B A B rhyming scheme a broomrider, or what?

-- Áine

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26 Feb 00 - 09:06 PM (#185499)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

15 years old and driving on the freeway in California? She's got more heart than I do! I only got my license last year, and am mortally afraid of driving 5 miles in the dark on well-lit city streets--and have never been on a freeway before. Watch out Amos--you may have Barky LaBonte on yer hands!

--mbo

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26 Feb 00 - 09:17 PM (#185504)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

Well gosh-golly-gee I messed it up! Let me try again!

Why Barky's Not At Work Today

Oh dear Infamous Amos, how could you be so mean?
By sitting here a-writing songs on your computer screen?
While Barky-lass is out now at the setting of the sun
And fixing computers or Saturday night instead of having fun?

Oh the hard life of a teenager--it never ends, I fear
I'm still feeling it myself, though older by 6 year
Yer parents make you work all night when you wish to play

**accidentally drops pick in guitar** Dang, come on you little blighter! **Shakes the guitar violently upside-down until pick skitters out** Ahh.. now where was I?

And when you do they chew you out, in a most annoying way
While secretly your not listening to a single word they say!

And worst of all, and most of all, they always get upset
When you're supposed to work and instead you surf the net!
And especially the Mudcat, with all it's grace & charms
Will draw you like a magnet into it's awaiting arms!

So parents all around the world, take this word from me
Berate not your poor children, for I'd much rather see
Us kids all surfing Mudcat, writing songs and more
Because the work we have to do is really quite a bore!


--Mbo

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26 Feb 00 - 09:21 PM (#185508)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Try it again, dearest Mbo, you've got a extra line or two in there methinks!

-- Áine

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26 Feb 00 - 09:26 PM (#185511)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Bravo to ye both you hyper-creative wastrels! Such flair, such talent, such imagination! Now, if you really have nothing like productive work to do, I can provide you with some! Sheeshe!

You guys are such a dear riot. I loves ya!

MBo, go borrow a Harley and take it out on an open field or road and crank it out. You deserve a touch of solid testosterone in your life after all the effort you've been exerting lately!

A

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26 Feb 00 - 09:39 PM (#185515)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Here ya go, Daddy A., the third verse:

The night that young Barky got flagged,
As lines on the road flashed by,
A young poet in her memory tagged,
She was thinking what lines she would try.

-- Áine

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26 Feb 00 - 09:56 PM (#185522)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Barky

Oh dear! All this commotion over the fact that I'm driving on the freeway! (Actually, I kinda like it, but that's a whole nuther matter) *g* =)

~Barky

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26 Feb 00 - 09:59 PM (#185525)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Darlin' Barky,

Don't get a swelled head, me dearie -- We'll use anything as an excuse to get silly!! (I do mean anything!).

*BG* -- Áine

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26 Feb 00 - 10:00 PM (#185526)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

The night that young Barky she passed
A slowpoke who went 44
At 75 she blew past
She knows what a turn signal's for!

Wheee...homonyms!

--Mbo

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26 Feb 00 - 10:03 PM (#185529)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Barky

No no no, Mbo! You've got your facts all wrong! It was 80, not 75. C'mon... ya think I'd actually be as stupid as to go 75???!!!

~Barky

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26 Feb 00 - 10:10 PM (#185531)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

Wanna know a secret Barky? I've never gone that fast in my life! 65's pretty much the legal limit around the backroads of North Carolina!

--Mbo

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26 Feb 00 - 10:11 PM (#185533)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Awright, Mbo!! We're cooking with gas now, cher!

Verse 5 and I'm still on a jive:

The night that young Barky got stopped,
She had most of the words in her head,
When out her mouth they suddenly popped,
Shoulda been Mudcat -- it's her room instead!

-- Áine

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26 Feb 00 - 10:19 PM (#185536)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Here ya go, the sixth and final verse (?):

The night that young Barky got grounded,
It shoulda been bad - Oh mais non!
Her laptop - working on how it sounded,
She came up with a beautiful song!

OK, Daddy Amos, let's hear your melodious pipes on this one! And Barky, remember it's just a "fictional" account of the evening, OK?

-- Áine

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26 Feb 00 - 10:32 PM (#185541)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Barky

Of course it is... um... yeah... er.... Of course! *ahem*

*BG*

~Barky

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26 Feb 00 - 10:33 PM (#185543)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

And her driving recalled as she sat
When she came on like a bat out of hell
That's the same way she 'ppeared on the 'Cat
And boy! she's remarkably swell!

--Mbo

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26 Feb 00 - 10:48 PM (#185553)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

LOL!!!

But what bothered young Barky the most
And what has most surely depressed her
Was that she herself passed out the post
That willy or nilly confessed her!

(spoken) But she'd do it again fer the Cat!

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26 Feb 00 - 10:52 PM (#185555)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Bhuel, sin é! Well, that's it! A wonderful song for a wonderful 'Catter! We didn't do too shabby by ya, did we kid? So, when do we get to hear the output of our input? If this isn't Mudcat Radio material, I don't know what is! Well done, everyone . . . we're poets even if we don't know it . . .

-- Áine

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26 Feb 00 - 11:00 PM (#185561)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

Well, I GUESS we could use the real tune for "The Night Larry Was Stretched" BUT I could try to come up with something new!

--Mbo

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26 Feb 00 - 11:03 PM (#185562)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Go for it, Tunemeister!!

-- Áine

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26 Feb 00 - 11:05 PM (#185564)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Hagbardr

Mbo, try I-85, it's a beautiful road.... very little traffic, no potholes, and NO COPS!!!!! I got up to 105 in my Honda Civic before I decided to lay off the gas a bit.

Hagbard

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26 Feb 00 - 11:06 PM (#185567)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Mbo,

I'm engaged en famille for the evening so if you can drum up a better tune for it it would be interesting for you to record it and get an .aiff played on the 'Cat radio Weds next.

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26 Feb 00 - 11:10 PM (#185571)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

I don't think so Hagbard! I once got up to 70 passing someone once...I'm not a speeder. I go at a comfortable speed. I don't feel in control of the car at high speeds.

--Mbo

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26 Feb 00 - 11:15 PM (#185575)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

I'll try Amos! And the thing about the Harley--I don't think so! I'd probably look like a total goofus on one!

--Mbo

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27 Feb 00 - 12:29 AM (#185620)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Barky

Ah, it's a swell song. ;)
Oh, and Mbo? I think you'd look great on a Harley. *BG*

~Barky

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27 Feb 00 - 12:33 AM (#185622)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

See -- I tell ya and you don't believe me!!!

Gotta drum up that there zest for action which is the trademark of your gender Sir Bo...Harleys! Why just last month a let a Harley wrap itself around a tree in a detah defying leap into a limousine window as a gesture of devotion to a certain Goddess, and the result was worth all the risk and more -- I got me a 1947 Indian!! If you're worried about control, start out on a moped, graduate to a little Vespa, then a 250 cc Honda and you'll be flying with the Angels in no time! And all the skirt ya could use!

A

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27 Feb 00 - 01:58 AM (#185653)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Troll

AINE. I just got back from a wedding and I'm whupped.I have a ferret song written, but at the speed I type it'll take a half an hour minimum and I'm not sure I can stay awake that long so I'll post it tomorrow.Late pm probably. the band has a gig in the afternoon and then I have to break down the sound system.So late pm. But I have written it and I will post it.

troll

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27 Feb 00 - 08:50 AM (#185709)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Dear Troll,

I so glad that you're back on your feet and making music. No problem, we'll wait for you until you're back. What a Mudcatter!

-- Áine

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27 Feb 00 - 11:35 AM (#185748)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

We are all driven souls; it is just that some people handle it more graciously than others. This may be part of the definition of what itmeans to be human on Earth.

I submit for reflection that the creation of music and other beauty is the sublimation into creativity of a very powerful, deep, barely bottled internal spiritual scream -- the scream for truth, and freedom.

If one of someday could write the new and perfect song, the song never sung, the Missing Song, we would all sigh in unison and be transmogrified into essence or some damn thing like that.

But we all, meanwhile, do pursue the creation of what beauty we can, and in doing so have named ourselves.

It beats sitting around watching South Park, or taking out your passions in self-flagellation, apathetic inaction, or blind destructiveness, whether obvious or secretive. Bless music and all who partake thereof.

'Nuff said...as Spaw once said, "this is getting out of hand..." although he never did say which hand he was using at the time.

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27 Feb 00 - 06:39 PM (#185882)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

Well, if Barky the Trumpet Goddess deems it so, it must be true! Now where can I get the bucks to buy me one!

--Mbo

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27 Feb 00 - 06:44 PM (#185884)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

Got the tune done last night--all I have to do now is make a recording.

--Mbo

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27 Feb 00 - 06:54 PM (#185887)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Barky

That's right! I AM the Trumpet Goddess, aren't I?!! *BG* Now, you don't have to buy one at first. First, just go out and rent one for a couple days. Once you figure out that you like it, go to leasing it. You know the rest.

~Barky

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27 Feb 00 - 07:04 PM (#185891)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

I wonder if they have any old used ones? Corblimey--I haven't even ridden a regular bike in 7 years! Too right you're the Trumpet Goddess...now who's gonna write a paean to you?

--Mbo

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27 Feb 00 - 07:19 PM (#185896)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

She has a couple of old childhood ones, but I'm not posting them without explicit permissison...

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27 Feb 00 - 07:22 PM (#185897)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

Old childhood WHATs? Paeans? Gosh, I haven't even written one!

--Mbo

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27 Feb 00 - 11:48 PM (#185999)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Mbo

Well, there's a first time for everything, I guess!


Hail, Barky, Goddess of the Trumpet!
Put thy sweet lips to thine embouchure
And blow forth a zephyr, a summons
To bring the bright dawn upon us once again!
Call upon all thine eternal powers
To bring the world the good graces that thou impart
Bestow unto us a flourish that will make the darkness,
That at times threatens to mar the fabric of our existence,
Depart forthwith, and never be seen by human eyes ere the world's demise!
Radiant Barky, we look unto thee and thy Divine Instrument
To make our lives worth living
Breathe, breathe now thy gentle breath as to stir the world from it's slumbers
Do us this favor, Favored Goddess, for we pledge our lives to thee!


--Mbo

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28 Feb 00 - 12:20 AM (#186014)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Geez loueez! Talk about thread creep! Come on guys, I keep checking this thread when it comes up thinking that Troll has finally graced us with his entry in the Challenge . . . take it to the personal messages, OK?

And Troll, if you're still out there -- I have a very special challenge that I've been saving for Mardi Gras, so PLEASE give us your song so we can go on to SONG CHALLENGE! Part 11 -- The Easter Bonnet(!) Special.

-- Áine

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28 Feb 00 - 01:01 AM (#186025)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Criminy crips, Sandy! Old Barlow finally flipped the final tipper...Easter Boner Special! Why, here I thought we were trying to elevate things around here. Of course, now, Easter Boners...maybe things arelooking up, even if only one eye at a time...

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28 Feb 00 - 08:44 AM (#186112)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Barky

EEEEEW!!!!!! DADDY!!!!!!!!! (*BG*) ;0)~

~Barky

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28 Feb 00 - 08:51 AM (#186114)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Oh no, here we go again!

The morning that Amos got busted, . . .

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28 Feb 00 - 09:12 AM (#186118)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Well, since I've already started the next CHALLENGE!, I'll go ahead and post the awards for Part 10:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:

I Fought For Ferrets by Lonesome EJ
Patrick Wright's Ferret by McGrath of Harlow
Patty Wright's Crazy Life by Barky
The True Story Of Patrick Wright's Wrong-Doing by Amos

Troll -- please go ahead and give us your submission, and then go on to SONG CHALLENGE! Part 11 for the "Easter Bonnet(?) Special" Challenge!

Well done, everyone! And nary a 'nasty' in the bunch (well, we still haven't seen Troll's yet, have we??). Spring has sprung, so pet yer ferret and throw yer -- WHOOPS! That's the next CHALLENGE!, ain't it?

-- Áine

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28 Feb 00 - 09:16 AM (#186121)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Well, now that the MudCat has become family entertainment I am obviously going to have to subdue my natural proclivities and return to the strait and narrow path...no more nasties...until next time...*BG*

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28 Feb 00 - 12:11 PM (#186216)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Troll

At Last! To the tune of Lizzie Borden.

The Ballad of Ferretman

In the state of California, Otay Mesa was teh site,

With his four cute furry ferrets, lived a man named Patrick Wright.

And he bought food for his ferrets at the local pet food store,

But alas poor Patrick doesn't have his ferrets any more.

Cause you can't own a ferret out in California,

Not even as a present from tour maw,

No you can't own a ferret out in California

Sacramento says they are against the law.

Now as Pat was fixing lunch one day there came a thun'drus knock

T'wasn't just A timid tapping. You could hear it round the block

With his trusty sushi knife in hand he opened up the door,

Next thing he knew the cops had him spread-eagled on the floor.

Cause you can't owen a ferret out in California

Not vevn if you think they're very nice.

No you can't own a ferret out in California.

Ferret owning is an evil nasty vice.

So they took him to the court house and the judge he heard the tale

They took fingerprints and mug shots and they let him out on bail.

When his case came up for trial,it relieved his darkest fears,

He got sixteen days in prison. Hell,he could have got ten years!

Cause you can't own a ferret out in California,

Not even if you think that they are great.

No you can't own a ferret out in California

You'll have to go live in some other state.

Now he's sitting in the pokey and he's counting out the days

And he's really learned his lesson. Now he knows crime never pays.

And the other inmates found he'd broke the Anti-ferret rule

Now they call him Ferretman and everybody thinks he's cool

Cause You can't own a ferret out in California

They'll catch you and they'll put you in the jail.

No you can't own a ferret out in California

You'll heve to get your mom to go your bail.

If you live in California and you want to keep a pet

Then a ferret is the animal you hadn't oughter get

Theres alot of things that you can have with feather,fur or fin.

But don't try to own a ferret cause someone will tunr you in.

Cause you can't own a ferret out in California,

Although you can own a tiger or a bear.

No you can't own a ferret out in California,

They sure have got some crazy laws out there.

troll '

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28 Feb 00 - 12:28 PM (#186228)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Amos

Way to go, Trollman! LOL! You can borrow my sushi knife anytime :>)

A

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28 Feb 00 - 12:36 PM (#186233)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

And we have yet another winner of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon!! It was worth waiting for, Troll. Well done!

-- Áine

Now go on to Song Challenge! Part 11 -- it's a doozy!

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14 Apr 00 - 07:08 AM (#211586)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Hyperabid

A late addition for the sake of completeness…

Hard Time Blues

Tune: Pick a blues – any blues

I'm doing hard time
I'm doing a bird
All because I got a rodent
Man this is absurd

I'm doing hard time
I'm cut to the core
I don't like the looks I get
From the prisoner bunked next door

I'm doing hard time
Let me out please
Cos the man in the cell next door
Has asked for a striptease

I'm doing hard time
Protecting myself well
I keep those ferrets in my pants
Cos I know their bite hurts like hell

Yee-Hah!

Hyp

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14 Apr 00 - 07:18 AM (#211588)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Hyperabid

A small note on language...Bird is also a slang tem in the UK for a prison sentence... which can also be known as porridge...

Hyp

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14 Apr 00 - 09:42 AM (#211632)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Áine

Dear Hyp,

Your song was worth waiting for! It has been added to the rolls of the Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield. Congratulations!

-- Áine

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21 Aug 01 - 11:42 AM (#532491)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Jack the Sailor

Ferret Prison Blues

Some times this institution; will drive you round the bend
Don't think this persecution is ever gonna end
Busted for possesion but it wasn't drugs
When I think of my confession, it makes my shoulders shrug

When we were in the pet store, my wife she told me. "Pat,
Don't you get a ferret, you can always get a cat."
But I bought 'em out in Reno, because I knew I could
And my neighbour blew the whistle, Just like I thought he would

I bet there's ferret owners, folks with lots of class
Drinking cups a coffee filtered through a civet's ass
I knew I took my knife out, tried to defend my rights.
The cops would try to jail me, because they don't like fights

When they free from this prison, when they let me out of hooch
I think I'll go and get me a friendly little pooch
And when I take my prozac, I'll take the drug store kind
Too many folks that know me, think that I've lost my mind

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28 Aug 01 - 05:24 AM (#536615)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Aidan Crossey

A parody of Sam Hall.

Oh me name it is Sam Hall, weasel-keep, weasel-keep
Oh me name it is Sam Hall, weasel-keep
Oh me name it is Sam Hall, and I hate you one and all
As you plotted my downfall, you will weep, you will weep
As you plotted my downfall, you will weep

I'm the owner of a pet, long and thin, long and thin
I'm the owner of a pet, long and thin
I'm the owner of a pet, that is deemed to be a threat
And they're calling for the vet, do him in, do him in
And they're calling for the vet, do him in

I can hear the sirens wail, state police, state police
I can hear the sirens wail, state police
I can hear the sirens wail, I can see the nightsticks flail
And they cart me off to jail, like a thief, like a thief
And they cart me off to jail, like a thief

Said the judge the case is clear, make him pay, make him pay
Said the judge the case is clear, make him pay
Said the judge the case is clear, and the sentence is severe
We don't want no ferrets here in LA, in LA
We don't want no ferrets here in LA

Oh me name it is Sam Hall, weasel-keep, weasel-keep
Oh me name it is Sam Hall, weasel-keep
Oh me name it is Sam Hall, and I hate you one and all
As you plotted my downfall, you will weep, you will weep
As you plotted my downfall, you will weep

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28 Aug 01 - 09:21 AM (#536686)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: SharonA

Nicely done, dmc! ...but why not substitute "Pat Wright" (the ferret-felon's name) for "Sam Hall" in your parody? Okay, you WOULD then have to delete "all" and "downfall" and substitute words that rhyme with Wright, but fortunately it's an easily rhymable name. Maybe it could be:
"Oh me name it is Pat Wright and I hate you, well I might
As you prisoned me tonight, you will weep, you will weep."
...or something along those lines? Just a thought!

SharonA

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28 Aug 01 - 03:53 PM (#536892)
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 10
From: Gareth

Well I don't know about a complete song, but well try a verse or two of Crawshaw Bailey, with an amended chorus.

In best South Welsh Dialect of course.

"Now a man called Peter Wright,
With the Law he had a fight,
The jail house he did merit,
For possession of a Ferret.

Have you ever saw, etc.

Have you ever saw,
Have you ever saw.
Such a funny thing,
As Californian Law.

Now in bad old years ago.
To Australia you will go,
For a Ferret's basic habits,
Is hunting of the rabbits

Have you ever saw, etc.

For the rich mans game reserve,
From the Poachers he'll preserve,
In Tasmania you will,
For the poaching of the Game.

Have you ever saw, etc.

But in California's sunny climes.,
In this year of modern times,
For a felon you will make.
If a ferret you do take.

Have you ever saw, etc.

I wonder, I really do wonder.

Gareth

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04 Dec 11 - 02:02 PM (#3268384)
Subject: RE: Song Challenge! Part 10
From: John MacKenzie

Spam

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