Lyr Add: Two Little Boys

13 Jun 97 - 03:59 AM (#6734)
Subject: RE: POST LYR: TWO LITTLE BOYS
From: John

Billy Connelly did a parody that I can only recall snatches of - but it's a great song about English constabulary:

Did you think I could leave you lieing, when I could lie me arse off too, If somebody sqwarks in the witness box, I'll cover up for you, You can hit 'em in the balls, bang their heads against the walls, beat them till their black and blue, (xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx) We're two little boys in blue.

This was recorded on "The Secret Policeman's Ball" or similar follow-up record such as "The Secret Policeman's Other Ball".

Anyone know the complete words?

Cheers John

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13 Jun 97 - 10:12 AM (#6747)
Subject: Lyr Add: TWO LITTLE BOYS (parody by Billy Connolly
From: Bert Hansell

This is how he sings it on "Raw meat for the balcony."

Two little boys had two little toys,
A whistle and a helmet too.
Though they're only wee, you could plainly see
What they'd grow up into.
They were kicking other wains and were bashing in their brains,
Shopping everybody, too.
They didn't reform. now they're in uniform.
They're two little boys in blue.

CHORUS: Do you think I would leave you lying
When I can lie my head off too?
If somebody squawks in the witness box,
I'll cover up for you.
We can tell a pack of lies, pull the wool over their eyes.
The way the sergeant taught us to,
And before you count to three, we'll be off scot-free.
We're two little boys in blue.

The duty sergeant said, "Tuck the prisoners into bed,
But before you take their cocoa through,
Lock them in their cells and hit them where it tells,
But don't leave them black and blue.
You can hit them in the balls, bang their heads off of the wall,
Bash them in the kidneys, too.
Beat them on the legs and thighs, but don't give them black eyes,
Or you'll be a prisoner too. CHORUS.

So if you see them on the beat, as they swagger down the street,
I've a piece of advice for you:
Don't trust to luck, turn 'round and run like the clappers
From the two little boys in blue. CHORUS

Bert.

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15 Jun 97 - 10:20 PM (#6888)
Subject: RE: POST LYR: TWO LITTLE BOYS
From: John

Fantastic! Thanks Bert.

Regards John

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03 Aug 98 - 10:30 PM (#34037)
Subject: RE: POST LYR: TWO LITTLE BOYS
From: Dale Rose

It is likely that the one brack& wants is the one posted by Gene in the first post.

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04 Aug 98 - 02:48 PM (#34057)
Subject: Lyr Add: TWO LITTLE BOYS (from Country Gentlemen)
From: Gene

Some time ago I posted some lyrics from MEMORY....and later discovered that my MEMORY was slipping a bit...I replayed the record and came up with this version....

TWO LITTLE BOYS
Recorded by The Country Gentlemen
Words and music by D. Hawkins & H. Hawkins

Two Little Boys - had two little toys
Each had a wooden horse
Gaily they played - each summer day
Warriors both - of course
One little chap - had a mishap
And broke off his horse's head
Wept for his toy - then cried with joy
When he heard his brother say:

"Do you think I could leave you cryin'
When there's room on my horse for you
Climb up here, Jack - you stop your cryin'
We'll mend up your horse with glue
When we grow up - we'll both be soldiers
Our horses will not be toys
And maybe you will re- member
When we were Two Little Boys."

Long years have passed - war came at last
Bravely they marched away
Cannons roared loud and in that wild crowd
Where wounded and dyin' - Joe lay
Then came a cry - a rider dashed by
Out from the ranks of Blue
Galloped away - to where Joe lay
Then he heard his brother say:

"Do you think I could leave you dyin'
When there's room on my horse for two
Climb up here, Joe - we'll soon be flyin'
To the ranks of the boys in Blue
Can't you see, Jack? I'm all a-tremble
It may be the flash and the noise
Or maybe because I remember
When we were Two Little Boys."

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04 Aug 98 - 09:10 PM (#34102)
Subject: RE: POST LYR: TWO LITTLE BOYS
From: Brack&

Thanks alot Gene.
Mick Bracken

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04 Aug 98 - 10:37 PM (#34110)
Subject: Lyr Add: TWO LITTLE BOYS ('expurgated' parody)
From: Pete M

I remember a version many years ago I think it was either Monty Python or "I'm sorry I'll read that again" which was announced as being from the Rolf Harris dirty song book - expurgated version. Basically the lyrics as posted by Gene but with strategic words "bleeped" out as far as I remember as follows

TWO LITTLE BOYS - had two little bleep
Each had a wooden bleep
Gaily they played - each summer day
Bleeeeps both - of course
One little chap - had a mishap
And broke off his bleep's head
Wept for his toy - then cried with joy
When he heard his brother say:

"Do you think I could leave you cryin'
When there's room on my bleep for you
Climb up here, Jack - you stop your cryin'
We'll mend up your bleep with bleep
When we grow up - we'll both be bleep
Our bleeps will not be toys
And maybe you will re- member
When we were Two Little bleeps

Long years have passed - bleep came at last
Bravely they bleeped away
Bleep roared loud and in that wild crowd
Where bleep and bleep - Joe lay
Then came a cry - a bleep dashed by
Out from the ranks of bleep
Bleeped away - to where Joe lay
Then he heard his brother say:

"Do you think I could leave you bleeping
When there's room on my bleep for two
Climb up here, Joe - we'll soon be bleepin'
To the ranks of the boys in Blue
Can't you see, Jack? I'm all a-tremble
It may be the bleep and the bleep
Or maybe because I remember
When we were Two Little BLeeeeppppppp!!!

It don't arf sound dirty. Much more entertaining than the original

Pete M

"Do you think I could leave you dyin'
When there's room on my horse for two
Climb up here, Joe - we'll soon be flyin'
To the ranks of the boys in Blue
Can't you see, Jack? I'm all a-tremble
It may be the flash and the noise
Or maybe because I remember
When we were Two Little Boys."

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05 Aug 98 - 06:33 AM (#34139)
Subject: RE: POST LYR: TWO LITTLE BOYS
From: AndyG

Ah.. now I really can talk about ISIRTA (that's I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again)
You should also try the Julie Andrews dirty song book: Bleep and bleep and bleep and bleep,
Bleep and bleep and bleep and bleep,
Bleep and bleep tied up with string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

AndyG

PS - Sorry I raised the previous thread but I've been off-line for a week and was reading the threads in reverse order.

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05 Aug 98 - 09:14 PM (#34190)
Subject: RE: POST LYR: TWO LITTLE BOYS
From: Pete M

Thanks for the link to ISIRTA Andy, I'd forgotten all about Grimbling, be that as it may, some of the puns were worse than Art's, or is that where he gets thenm from?

Pete M

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04 Sep 98 - 07:38 PM (#37109)
Subject: RE: POST LYR: TWO LITTLE BOYS
From: alison

refresh for Fiddler

Slainte

alison

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07 Jul 02 - 12:58 PM (#743865)
Subject: Lyr Add: TWO LITTLE BOYS (parody, Billy Connolly)
From: HuwG

An alternate version, sung by Billy Connolly, at the "Secret Policeman's Ball", a benefit performance for Amnesty International in ?? 1977 ??

Dedicated to everyone who has injured themselves falling down the stairs at the Glasgow Central Police Station

Oh, two little boys had two little toys
A whistle and a helmet blue
And when they were wee, it was plain to see
What they'd grow up into
They were kicking other weans, bashing in their brains
And shopping everybody too ("It was him, it was him")
They didn't reform, now they're in uniform
They're two little boys in blue

Chorus: Did you think I would leave you lying
When I can lie my a*se off too
If somebody squawk in the witness box
I'll cover up for you
I'll tell a pack of lies, pull the wool over their eyes
The way the Sergeant taught us to
Before you count to three, I'll be off scot-free
We're two little boys in blue

Now the Duty Sergeant said, "Tuck the prisoners into bed
But before you take their cocoa through
Kick them in the cells, kick them where it tells
But don't leave them black and blue
You can kick them in the balls, bounce their heads off the walls
Hit them in the kidneys too
Hit them on the legs and thighs, but don't give them black eyes
Or you'll be a prisoner too"

Chorus

Now, when you see them on the beat, as they swagger down your street
Here's a piece of advice for you
Don't trust to luck - turn round, run like the clappers
From the two little boys in blue

Chorus (twice).

See also The Policeman's Song, by Hamish Imlach.

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07 Jul 02 - 01:47 PM (#743886)
Subject: RE: POST LYR: TWO LITTLE BOYS
From: masato sakurai

'Two Little Boys' sung by Rusty Draper (Click here, and click on "Salute To Veterans Page 2") is musically different from the Country Gentlemen's. His lyrics are HERE (with some differences from the recording).

~Masato

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08 Jul 02 - 04:52 AM (#744252)
Subject: RE: POST LYR: TWO LITTLE BOYS
From: pavane

And the ORIGINAL version, dated 1906, is in the Lester Levey collection of sheet music (online)

'Two little chaps in two sailor caps...'

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08 Jul 02 - 06:35 AM (#744278)
Subject: RE: POST LYR: TWO LITTLE BOYS
From: masato sakurai

Thanks, pavane. Mentioned and linked to before at THIS THREAD, but here again. The link to the sheet music is Levy Collection: Two Little Sailor Boys. The composer's name is "Dolly Jardon" on the score page, which seems to be correct.

Title: Two Little Sailor Boys. Song.
Composer, Lyricist, Arranger: Words by Edward Madden. Music by Dolly Jordon.
Publication: New York: Jerome H. Remick & Co., 1906.
Form of Composition: strophic with chorus
Instrumentation: piano and voice
First Line: Two little chaps with sailor caps, played at a game of war
First Line of Chorus: Don't forget when we were sailor boys
Engraver, Lithographer, Artist: De Takals
Advertisement: ads on inside front and on back covers for Jerome H. Remick & Co. stock
Subject: Children playing
Subject: Campaigns & battles
Subject: Naval warfare
Subject: Rescues
Subject: Friendship
Subject: Courage
Call No.: Box: 150 Item: 085

~Masato

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